70: Leading, Learning. Laughing, and Loving with an Enneagram Type Six

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof Podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to Millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up. Let's go.

Hey hey. And welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof Podcast and we are continuing our series on all the separate types of the Enneagram. Learning, leading, loving and laughing alongside each of the Enneagram types. And I know you guys have been flooding my email and inbox and DMs with so many great questions, not only about your type, but about people you care about, people you lead, people you love, people you parent. And I want you to know that I love nothing more than helping people really nail down their correct type and even help you guesstimate somebody else's. Because it's not our job to type anybody unless you are somebody that is naturally guiding them through the process to their own kind of self discovery or.

Taking them through the process. And I know I get this a lot like can you type my spouse? Can you type my kids? And I want you to know that I get asked this a lot like with my own kids. They were 14 and 15 when I was introduced to the Enneagram and I was able to narrow it down very accurately and obviously I was spot on. But I never talked about their type and typing them until they were over the age of 18. There's a lot of controversy, controversy and different opinions on typing children. But at the end of the day this is a self discovery process. And if you are leading or loving or parenting somebody and you want to know what their type is, I can help you narrow it down to probably two types. I'm pretty darn good. And does it mean it's spot on? No. But you're going to know pretty quickly when you land, when the communication lands properly. Because it isn't necessarily necessarily our job or even for yourself to like say I am this, like I'm not a label wearer, I Don't love labels. This is a tool and when it's used in integrity and properly, you become more effective as a leader, as a lover, as a parent, as a man, as a woman. And that is my goal. And if that is something that interests you, please reach out to me. You can go to Tracey O' Malley.com at the work with me section. You can hit me up on the DMs, on Instagram or Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, any of those things. They show up there from time to time and I would love to help you through the process. It has been life changing for me, my family, my businesses, my relationships, my friendships, everything. I use this as a beautiful tool. It is not the end all, be all. Just a reminder. Today we are talking about one of my favorite types, the type 6 on the Enneagram, which is also called the loyalist.

The skeptical vigilant troubleshooter is what they can also be called. My best friends are Sixes. Most of them, I've got sixes and threes really close to me as far as my girlfriend, friendships and what I love about sixes, their name. You know that Skeptical Vigilant troubleshooter. You know me as an 8. I'm super decisive and impulsive sometimes and make very, very quick decisions. And because I'm surrounded with amazing sixes that are health.

They kind of help me slow my roll a little bit and say, hey, have you thought about this? Have you thought about this? Have you thought about this? And usually the answer is no. And because I trust them and they've earned my respect, I cautiously move forward. And the other side of the coin, why sixes love me because I'm a healthy eight, is when they are afraid, which we'll get into. Why the Sixes, you know, their underlying emotion is fear and anxiety. I bring a calmness to them that if we should get blindsided by something.

T over here is going to step in and make sure we're handled like they know that if things go sideways, omalley's going to handle it. And that's the truth. And that's why when a healthy six and a healthy eight come together, they both kind of.

Work really hard to like they. They both are very skeptical of people for different reasons. And it takes a lot for them to respect you. So when there's this mutual respect between a six and an eight, it's a great friendship, a great marriage, a great partnership, business, whatever. So sixes, the loyalists, they are committed and loyal in relationships, whether that's a business relationship, a friendship, a Romantic relationship. They're always seeking trustworthy and consistent partners who help quiet their constant self questioning.

I know this type so, so well like the back of my hand. And before I knew the enneagram, I probably was not somebody A6 typically would like because I am. Before I got healthy and knew other ways to communicate and spoke languages of all the other eight types, I was that, you know what, just suck it up. You know, it's not that big a deal. Don't worry about it. Like, those are like the worst possible things you can say to a Six, because they are going to worry about it. They are going to have worst case scenario in their head. And so when I started to understand the other types other than the challenger, the eight, which is what I am, I realized like, wow, like some of my language with a language with a six. No wonder we would butt heads. Quite honestly. And it's no surprise to me today that Sixes and I get along very, very well. Because I do respect that they are afraid. I do. Even if I don't get it and even if in my head I'm like, are you serious? Like, I got this. I know that I can't say it like that for them to trust me. And in doing this, it's not enabling them. For those of you thinking like, yeah, tell them to suck it up, get over it. I want them to start trusting their own instincts as well. And so because of the way that I can come at them with certain langu, I might be saying it's not that big a deal, suck it up. But I'm not saying it like that where it can come off as disrespectful or minimizing their own feelings. Because Sixes are often super suspicious of others at first, like I said, they'll be highly skeptical of their potential business partners, lovers, friendships, all the motives they're always like, imagine a spreadsheet being built in their head at all times. Probably another reason why I love Six is because I hate spreadsheets and they are the masters. But once a Six has built a foundation of trust, which is funny because they're called the loyalists, but they're probably the most skeptical people. But once they have built that foundation of trust, they are in it for the long haul. And for me, as an eight, I'm always fearful. Like, my biggest fear is that I'm going to be betrayed or.

Put in a vulnerable position. And because Sixes have worked really hard to build trust, I feel safe with a six, a healthy six. When they are healthy, they are Fun and witty and kind, and they deeply value their relationships. Once they're all in, they will usually find a partner who is calm because they tend to be on the more anxious side. And also a partner that is bold when they are fearful. And that's where I come in for a six, for sure, in my friendship, because I am that bold. Like, I got this shit right. Sixes are super, super responsible. So they often take on all the tasks from planning, from the calendar to cleaning the kitchen.

Because they want to make sure things get done and the planning part of it, even though they might have resentment, especially if a partner, whether it's in business or romance or any kind of relationship.

The planning can help them calm their fears. But if you take advantage of it, then the resentment starts to kick in. 6 Make great friends.

Because once they're in, they're in, right? One of the things that I also know about Sixes is, you know, they don't love surprises.

And, you know, because I am such a instinctual, decisive person, you know, building the trust amongst the Sixes, when I should kind of come at them out of nowhere with stuff, I've had to work hard to build that trust because they tend to analyze and overthink everything.

They. They will look for any sign that they may not be safe or accepted. Their driving force in everything that they do is certainty and security and safety. And when you got a loose cannon like me around, that can rock you from time to time. So I can trigger a lot of Sixes, too, but they're looking for any sign that they may not be safe. Like I said, they have thought, worst case scenario. They have, like, the choose your own adventure happening in their head all the time. Like, if we do this, this will happen. If we do this, this will happen. If we do this, this will happen. So it's important that their partners, whether it's in business or love friendships, reassure them if they express doubt rather than taking offense, that the six, the loyalists, will question them. And back in my day when I was not healthy, if somebody ever questioned me, oh, my gosh, I would take that as so disrespectful. And that's why understanding the Enneagram can be so helpful. So when a six starts to ask questions, I know it's not undermining authority, right? So if you're leading a six, know that they're going to be the one at the. At the meetings that ask a lot of questions, not to make you look like you don't know what you're doing or to you know, be a pain in the ass. They, they literally need this to feel safe and certain. So when unhealthy Sixes are highly suspicious and fearful, they, they may test, like I said, their partner, whether it's in business or their home life, they may test the loyalty a lot, you know, and if they don't pass the 6, the loyalists will take it as further evidence that no one is trustworthy because they're overanalyzing every interaction. If you're a six, finding all the little ways that the people that you work with or love might hint that they are going to abandon them is not going to serve you.

They have this push pull thing that happens with Sixes. They want the connection so much, but they'll push you away or they'll test you with the pushing to see if you really are going to be in this for the long haul. They fear abandonment and they always want what is comfortable. So sometimes an unhealthy six can find themselves continually returning to toxic relationships simply because they know it. And that's better than being blindsided in some ways until they've been pushed too far. Here's the other thing about Sixes that is different from the other enneagram types and there's some, you know, differences of opinions on this. I happen to believe it. But there are two types of Sixes amongst the Sixes. You know, there's subtypes that can take on.

The, how the, the six can be expressed, whether it's self preservation, social or the one to one. Those are subtypes, which I'll do another episode on just subtyp. But there's also something else called the counterphobic versus the phobic six. So I have two really close friends that are both sixes. One is the more counter phobic, the other is the more phobic. The phobic resembles more of that introverted, because fear is always that underlying emotion for a six. That phobic six will almost be paralyzed in their fear a little bit and always be questioning their decision.

Doesn't mean that the counterphobic doesn't do that as well. However, in order to prove that they're not so afraid, they almost like dive headfirst into their fears. Right. And this is where a lot of Sixes are mistyped as eights. I see this all the time. My best friend, she was mistyped as an 8. She definitely has a lot of behaviors like an 8, but she is a 1000%, a counter homophobic 6. 1000%. And it was, you know, in understanding that. That. It felt like, oh, that makes a lot more sense. Right. So.

When you have an average six, meaning that they've done some work, but, you know, they're not quite there yet. Like, they can be both suspicious and incredibly committed at the same time. And so when you love or lead a six, helping them to really process that instead of letting them st in, that will be something that's really, really important. Because a lot of these mixed signals, the cases that they're building in their head, can lead to confusion, which can paralyze them, which can rob them of so much joy. I see it all the time, right. Because sixes are comforted by depth and trust. So they appreciate openness and vulnerability, and it actually helps them make. It helps them feel more connected. I remember when I met my friend that, you know, she's a six, like I said, and I'm a healthy eight. And we were having this interaction. We were just starting to get to know each other, and she was one of the very first people that. And I thought I was being a pretty good friend for me, meaning I'll let you know what you. What I want you to know, and I'm going to keep the rest on the back burner, and you won't see me vulnerable, and I'm not going to want to need you because you can bail on me. Right? So clearly I still had a little work to do back then, but she called me to the carpet and says, you know, I don't feel safe in this friendship if you're not going to share your own kind of stuff with me too. It's like pulling teeth. And because she had already earned my respect, I was like, holy shit, she's right. She's right. And she's like, do you realize that I've shared all this stuff with you and you have not shared anything with me, and I've had to ask 10 questions to get one thing out of you. I was like, well, touche. So thankfully, she's done so much work and she's witty and engaging, and because she had already earned my trust, I was willing to not take offense to that and to have an open mind. And so when you are in the healthy range and the healthy part of your enneagram type and you care about people, look how effective you can be in a matter of seconds.

Sixes, healthy sixes are the loving, trusting, and super affectionate. They commit themselves to people and causes that they. And they are super decisive when they are in the healthier range of what they want and how they Would like to move forward.

Healthy sixes are super devoted to their loved ones and make excellent romantic partners because they are secure, stable, predictable and fun when they're healthy. And because they're witty and fun.

They feel connected to their partner when they enjoy humor and laughter together.

Sixes generally see the worst possible case scenario that can happen. But healthy sixes also focus on the best. And when we have healthy sixes, they need less reassurance to know that everything will be okay because they don't get caught up in questioning and overanalyzing everything. Sixes can sometimes appear very one. Like if you remember the ones are the reformer, otherwise known as the perfectionist or the improver. I like to say, but like one sixes prioritize honesty over almost everything, and no truth could be worse than a lie. So if you are leading or loving parenting A6, no bullshit is the way to go. Even if you know they ain't gonna like what you have to say. Don't lie to a six, because if they catch you in a lie, you pretty much.

It will be very hard to regain their trust because they don't feel safe, right? If something bad is going to happen, they would rather kind of know about it in a clear, concise and honest way than to find out about it later, have it blindside them. When they seem fearful, it's because they have already thought about the negative things that could happen. So when something bad comes up, it doesn't necessarily surprise them.

So they can be equipped to handle it. But if somebody that supposedly cares about them kind of doesn't fill them in on that, they don't like it. They don't like it.

If a six is in love with you or feels safe with you, they're going to share their fears and worries with you whether you're a romantic partner, a business partner, a friend. And.

As somebody who loves a six, when they express frustration, like expressing frustration with their anxiety or attempting to, like, calm their worries without really hearing them, it can make things worse, right? Like I said, don't say things to a six. Like, don't worry about it. It's not that big a deal. You're crazy. Like, worst things you can say, and those are words that used to fly out of my mouth before.

Your job, if you care about them or lead them, is to help them trust their inner knowing, right? Because they're so like, in their head, they're head thinkers. We want to.

Help them really learn to trust that instinctual part of them because we all use our head, our heart and our instincts. However, the sixes of rely mostly on their best thinking, right? So when a six feels like they have space to process in a healthy way, they feel the safety that they're searching for. And they can often find that their concerns may not be realistic. But that's only if you give them that space and don't make them feel crazy. Like, if you try to gaslight a six, you just better buckle up, because they ain't gonna like it, right? Because they can be defensive and reactive in conflict, especially the more counterphobic ones. The phobic ones might shut down a little bit, and you won't ever get them back. Right.

Conflict threatens their sense of security, so they'll do almost anything to avoid this. But when they get flustered in conflict, they may need some space to think through things, because if they blow up, then they're going to feel even more unsafe, which perpetuates the problem.

But their desire to make sure everything is okay will win out. They will go toe to toe if they have to, especially if they feel like this, not okay, I do not feel safe here. And that's when that, especially the counterphobic 6, will confront their fear, whether it's to save a relationship, to save their business, to, you know, fight for the underdog. But communication is a priority for them. It is very like being clear and accurate and truthful. I have never had to use as many words.

And as many of my communication skills as I have with my friendships with the six. And I'm not complaining. I'm not, because they make me a better person. They make me a better friend, a better parent, a better leader. And that's. That's the beauty in learning from each other, right?

So helping them.

Have that certainty is a big deal. And since I'm pretty good at that, that's pretty awesome. When you have intimacy, whether that's in a friendship or romantic of all kinds, all kinds of intimacy, Sixes need quality time, that is their love language, usually to feel safe and loved. They want to know that you see them, that you understand them, that when they can go off on a tangent, that you're a safe place that is like home to them. Quality time. Like I said, complete honesty, open communication will be the ticket to having them feeling comfortable and safe in a relationship, whether it's in business, friendship, or love. And that safety is a prerequisite for both emotional and physical intimacy for the six.

So a lot of times, even in a romantic partnership, because the six tends to build emotional connection on a foundation of friendship, they Aren't the quickest to enter a love romance. They're not one to like. I mean, some of them will. But for the most part, the relationships that go the distance is built on a solid foundation of friendship first. And, you know, if you really want to fully know a six, just sign up for patience, because you're going to need it, because they are so cautious about who they let in.

But I'm here to tell you, they are worth. Worth every second. They are the best friends in the world when you give them the patience that they so deserve, when you can speak their language, because when they feel safe, they're so invested in their relationships.

But occasionally, especially if they're going sideways a little bit, they can tend to worry. Even with my closest friendships, they can worry that maybe that other person, whether it's love, friendship, they don't share the same depth of commitment. So that's why clear communication is important. Reassuring words, thoughtful gestures help remind them that you're present and that you care deeply about them. Intentionally and thoughtfulness are the best ways to build that emotional intimacy with a six. Right?

Sixes are the thinking types who can get wrapped up in thought. And since I'm not one of those people, I have to put on my patient's hat because I'm like, oh, my God, do you even hear yourself? And because my daughter is in the thinking triad too, she can tend to do that as well. She's a seven, and she's got access to her six wing. That can happen sometimes. So helping your six that you care about, that you lead, that you love, that you parent, that you're friends with, helping them be present in the moment without diminishing some of their fears can really, really help things and help kind of pull them out of that faster. Don't be condescending about it.

You know, it's a big deal. So if you are a six, I know we've talked a lot about how we can learn from and love a six, but if you are a six, you know, and you start to get that skeptical, you know, PI investigator sleuth hat on, you know, you know it. You guys do. You can, especially if you're scared and you feel vulnerable, you can start picking apart everything. And what I will tell you, and I tell my friends that are sixes, and the people that I lead that are sixes, is look for the ways that that partner, whether it's in business or love, has shown their commitment. Like, what is true? Like what is actually true, and what are you actually trying to build A case around and what are you really, really afraid of? Right?

Because freak, like, if you are frequently questioning everything that can kind of really push people you care about and lead away, you can lose credibility, you can lose trust.

It can maybe rock the boat in the relationship. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to question, but really take a look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Like, okay, am I being a little excessive here or what is the real issue? Right. Sometimes though, what I see this a lot is a lot of Sixes. When they find that person, their romantic relationship, a lot of times all their eggs are in that basket. And that's the only thing in their lives that they don't question.

And this can kind of blind them a little bit. I've seen this before where once, like I said once, A6 trusts you. They're all in for the long haul and will stay sometimes in a relationship that isn't the best for them because it's not that bad. I've troubleshooted every possible worst case scenario in this relationship so it's easier just to stay here because at least I know what I can expect rather than actually take a chance on what is even better for me. Right?

When you're in a relationship with a Six, listen. When they open up and share their anxieties and fears, like, don't interrupt them because they feel deeply misunderstood a lot of times and rejected. When people they care about show frustration with their anxious thoughts. Like I said, this is why I was a shitty friend to Sixes. A decade ago, Sixes and me would have not gotten along very well.

When you care about a Six and you kind of see them going off on this, like, role, asking them questions about it and giving them space to process rather than diminishing their fear or solving everything for them, they don't necessarily want you to solve all their shit either. But being a safe place to help them process through it themselves will actually allow less of that to happen, which is awesome. I ask my six people that I care about, that I lead, that I love.

Like what? Okay, so let's say this happens. What would you do? What would we do? Right? Rather than saying, oh, that won't happen, or you're crazy or you don't know what you're talking about. Like, if you give them a question, okay, so let's say that does happen. Let's play choose your own adventure here with you, with them. What would we do if that happens?

So like I said, you know, giving them that respect and Being truthful with them, because even little white lies will undermine their trust. And very, very rarely will you ever get them back. When it comes to business and leadership and working with sixes, their attention.

Their superpower is reading people and situations to determine how trustworthy and safe things are. So I love, love having sixes in my business because I am so decisive and can make very quick decisions impulsively. Having a six that I trust that I can run things by is very, very good. They are the king and queen, devil's advocate, right? So, okay, so if this happens, if this happens.

They'Re the best because they can forecast potential problems, mainly for their own purposes, because they want to be ready to deal with trouble or meet any challenges that might occur. But if they are in your organization, your team, your business.

Keeping them and building that trust with them is they're going to be your best ally. They will be your best ally. They will have your business's best interest at heart as long as you trust them and give them space to ask a lot of questions and don't be annoyed by it.

They're always on the lookout for threats and always assessing risks, which is really good in business.

You know, looking for unexpected dangers and moles. Even in your business, they're really, really good.

Here's where it gets kind of hairy. Like, if you are leading a six, they sometimes need, like I said, time to develop trust in others. And so sometimes they'll rebel against authority, but once they do, they become, you know, like I said, steadfast and loyal. Deep down, sixes want to find a good authority, but their experience in the past met lead them to believe that people with power tend to use it to hurt those with less power. So they can tend to question authority and identify with the underdog a lot and can sometimes work to support the underdog cases rather than be a good partner with the leader. So if you're leading a six, really letting them see that your leadership or power or authority is coming from a place that you want to provide certainty, safety, the greatest good, that is how you will have a strong ally in a six. Otherwise, they might go to what's fair. And that might not always be great for your business, but if you show them where your heart and intention is, you will have somebody that can help you. Right?

Because their communication style reflects their tendency to look for information.

And locate potential problems. Like I said, they'll ask a ton of questions, but they won't answer very many. And when you present them with a plan, they will usually almost always Try to poke holes in it, looking for the weak parts and determining how to challenge it or reinforce it. Know that they're looking for ways to reinforce it. And if you're leading a six again, you have to understand this is why knowing who's working with you or who you're leading is so important. Because in the past, had I not known this information, I would have completely taken that as disrespectful and I probably would have.

Unloaded on them, probably even gas lit them up. Who knows, back in the day? The sixes need data, and like I said, that's not a strong suit of mine. So having a strength and an authority that keeps them certain and safe, as much data as I can bring to the table will be helpful in their trust. That's why they do ask a lot of questions.

The Sixes also are strategic thinkers. That's why, you know, business leaders that are sixes, the strategists, they're amazing because they're always thinking about this and that they can pivot. They don't love the pivot, especially when it's a blind side, but they can because they've already figured out that it's possibly going to happen anyway, you know, and if you can harness their emotions and their fears with it, if you're leading them and helping them kind of get through that scary part for a second, they've already got a spreadsheet for when this needs to happen. So it's really, really great.

If you're not sure if you're a type 6, one of the things, some of the things that will really allow you to maybe have some clarity around this. Like I said, sixes and eights sometimes can get mistaken. Sixes and threes can sometimes be mistaken because a six, when they're unhealthy, take on a lot of the unhealthier traits of A3, which is the achiever. But how to tell if you're a six? Like, the inside view is that you see the work you do through the lens of what might go wrong. You ask a lot of questions as a way of making sure that everything goes according to plan. You automatically try to poke holes in everything and test how solid things are. You have a hard time trusting people in the initial stages of a relationship, and you need time to get to know people. Eights also kind of do that. But sixes are more trusting once they do trust you than eights ever will be. While you hope to find good authorities and leaders to work with, you have a natural anti authority streak. So if you're six and you're like, oh, yeah, I do kind of push, push against. I do that too. So an 8 can do that too, for sure, for different reasons, but they both can do that.

You usually will support whichever team is the underdog. And although you might work hard, you may feel. You may not feel comfortable with success. I know the Eights also kind of battle that sometimes because you don't like standing out in a crowd. So for a six, success can feel dangerous or awkward.

And you're always kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop anyway. While you often act from fear, you may not always be aware of your fear. You know, sometimes Sixes can go into, like, doing all the things mode so they don't face their fears.

Some people, if you're a six, they might perceive you as pessimistic because you easily speak to what could go wrong. You have a hard time sometimes being present and finding the good in things. You view yourself as a realist more than anything. You have a hard time making decisions sometimes because you can always think of another question to ask.

Oh, my six friends there, I'm like, just make a decision. Yeah, I'm the opposite. So that's the difference between a six and an eight. Like, we'll just go. Like, fuck it, we'll just go, we're a six. No, not so much. Even the more decisive Sixes will still ask questions.

You often can't help taking the opposite view or playing the devil's advocate. I see that a lot with Sixes. Your desire for certainty motivates you to look for good data to help you make rational decisions. You're good at analyzing situations and are super, super insightful. Your core leadership characteristics, like I said, analytical minds, data evaluators, researchers, troubleshooters, preparation and readiness in the face of things that might go wrong. Problem solving geniuses. You guys do. Actually, even though you do get frantic and anxious and fearful sometimes, you do have the ability to be calm in a crisis because you've anticipated kind of all the contingencies and threats that might kind of pop up. So when it does happen, you can usually, you know, move into get it done mode because you low key have been ready for them. You don't want to do that, but you can. You guys are protective and supportive of the team, which is amazing, you know, dealing with Sixes. They're emotional, but because they come more from their heads than from their emotions. The one emotion that all Sixes do experience, though, is fear. Although you can have two Sixes right next to each other and they'll express it and experience it in different ways. Some will be very aware of feeling that fear and can name the things they're afraid of, while other sixes, kind of low key, find ways to manage their fear so it doesn't register. They deflect, they disassociate.

Some sixes ease their fear by looking to a good authority. Right? So it's why. This is why a lot of sixes in my friendships really do respect and appreciate me because I can be that very easily. Like I said, the sixes are the one type that you can have completely different ways of behaving depending on your subtype and whether or not you are phobic or counterphobic.

All right, so when you are.

Loving and leading them, you know, really listening. I've said this before, having patience.

Knowing that their pet peeves are this. Especially in the workplace, they this. Like, if you want to piss off a six, here are the things that you don't, that you do. But because we are talking about leading and loving and parenting, six sixes know that these might be their pet peeves.

When people don't take their questions or doubts seriously, I see this a lot. Or when they minimize it. When they don't value their ability to poke holes and plans as a way to actually strengthen things, whether it's a relationship or business.

When people call them negative Nancy's or negative Nellies or super pessimistic, when they're actually trying to help them. Them, right, by bringing attention to problems and threats. Now, U6 is your delivery may need some improvement, just a little, FYI, right? When they're dismissed or people try to talk them out of their fears. Big, big no, no. When people prioritize speed over analysis and careful analysis of plans. This is why. So this is the interesting thing that I've noticed about many, many sixes. They're easily triggered by three threes, because threes can power through. But the threes and sixes are very, very connected. Very connected in a, in a weird way with the arrows for stress and growth. And I think a lot, especially sixes, are more triggered by threes than threes are by sixes. Because threes, when they're in a growth pattern, take on the beautiful, healthy parts of the six. Whereas a six, when they're under stress, they take on the unhealthy, more narcissistic parts of the three. Three. And so, you know, threes generally will power through things to succeed. And a six is on the sideline saying, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You haven't thought this through yet. So you know when you are in business with them and you're all about, like, speed, speed, speed, you can lose a really solid six leader if you don't take their opinion or considerations or even their fears to heart a little bit. Now, you threes out there, I get that that's hard for you, but this is all about speaking each other's language and being effective, whether it's in love or leadership.

Sixes are rule followers. So if you don't respect processes designed to make sure that things are done with due diligence and safety precautions, they don't like it. They don't like it at all. That's why they didn't like me very much a decade ago. They don't like when people with authority misuse power.

Like, you'll light them up for sure, and when they're not able to fully express their stuff. Okay, so.

Keeping lines like, if you love or lead A6, this is the most important part, is making sure that you keep the lines of communication open at all times so you can talk through problems as they arise, so you can learn to work together, whether it's as a team in love or a team in leadership and business. Developing a sense of mutual trust with them so that they feel comfortable bringing fears, anxieties, and questions to you so they don't fester and slow down things. I've seen many relationships destroyed because.

Somebody was really not receptive to the questions and the fears. And I get it. It's hard sometimes, especially when you are somebody who's very instinctual, like me, or you already see the bigger picture. You're a visionary, and you're like, I got this, and, you know, risk. I'm all about the risk. No risk, no reward. And just effectively opening the communication between the two of you will be really, really important. So they'll be there. Sixes will be their best when they feel free to air their concerns and talk through anything scary for them that they. They. They also are very aware that they can create a lot of that in their head, but they don't need you calling them out on it. There's a beautiful, gentle, soft, loving way to help them through that.

So the best way to get along with a Six, just be trustworthy. Be a person of your word. Be impeccable with your word. Be patient with them. Understand and respect their fears or worries and don't judge them for it. Value their ability to assess risks and troubleshoot things. Give them time to conduct through their own analysis and help them take action. That is the other thing too, is really helping them move through. That will be great. And for you sixes, these are some blind spots that maybe you don't know and what you don't know can hurt you.

Your own power and authority, right? Sometimes you don't see and consciously own that inner sense of power and authority that you have. So you might project power and authority onto others instead of recognizing, developing and acting from that deep place of your own confidence.

Which actually is the best way to get out of the fear and anxiety. So making sure you don't project onto other people, that's a big thing. Projection is probably one of the six's biggest coping mechanisms that they don't always recognize.

The other thing is the positive data in every given situation because you tend to focus your attention on what might go wrong. You miss the miracles along the way. And you know, especially if you're working with people and you can't point out the positive and all you are is about like, what could go wrong. People might not feel appreciated and not feel like they can trust you or lean into you, which kind of develops the whole problem, right?

Your tendency to protect or to project your interferes onto the outside world. Like I said, it's your defense mechanism. And it operates so often unconsciously. So when you can become more aware of it, ask yourself from time to time if you're responding to a real threat or making making up a story in your head and maybe imagining it is coming from the outside. I'm not minimizing it, but just kind of doing a gut check on yourself.

This is where sixes also can appear. One like is, you know, splitting the world into good and bad, scary and safe, right or wrong. Because that's how you gauge safety. It's one or the other, black or white. And sometimes that'll happen in early childhood. So you don't understand that good and bad maybe can exist in the same thing or same person or same situation. And so that's when you guys go to that black or white thinking that can really rob you in leadership. It can rob you in relationship.

Trusting your gut. This is the greatest thing about leading and loving Sixes is when you can help them trust their gut as a good source of information. Because they're such head types, they rely on data all the time that they generate through thinking and analyzing and oh my gosh and over and over. And while that's their key strength.

That six might undervalue their emotions and their gut. So if You're a six. Like knowing that your gut is as co equal sources of data about the world inside and outside. When I'm working and loving my six friends and all of that, I usually will ask them, okay, what is your body telling you right now? Like doing them? Having them do a check in to their body. What do you feel in your body right now? You know, and if you can help them slow down that hamster wheel of anxiety and fear, it will really, really, really be a good thing for them because you want them trusting that gut, which is your intuition, which I believe is, you know, the divine leading, leading all of us. And so for a six, that is in their head a lot to let them understand that that instinct and divine download is as powerful or even more powerful than their best troubleshooting can do. I mean, that's quite a power team when you've got data and analytical and troubleshooting capabilities, plus trusting your instinct, that's the sweet spot for a six.

So how you can aim for a high side, whether you're leading, loving or are a six is learning how fear drives you. And meet your fear with confidence and faith and courage and, you know, learning to own your power and your positive qualities and to have that courage and faith in the face of fear. It happens for you guys so often. Becoming conscious of how you decide whether to trust somebody. And notice if your standards are so high that you have a hard time connecting or collaborating with anybody. Right? Like I know 6's standards. This is where sixes and ones also can appear very much alike. Their standards can be so high that you're gonna miss miracles and relationships and leadership. So allow yourself to experiment with having the courage to open up a little bit more early on, especially if you can trust that instinct in your gut, even if you're not sure it's completely safe. Just test the waters. Like, what's the best that can happen? Right? That's not something you'll hear a six say very much, but what's the best that can happen? Learn to recognize when you're getting over focused or if you're leading a six or loving a six. Like when they get over focused on what seems threatening and get stuck in avoidance. Procrastination can be a very big thing for a six. From time to time.

Becoming aware of what you as a six or what a six that you care about or lead gets out of overusing their intellect.

This is a way of deflecting and disassociating sometimes because.

They don't have to feel the Things right. And learn to notice when you seek to prove your competence through being an intellectual problem solver. I love that Sixes are such good problem solvers, but because I care so deeply about people, whether I'm loving them or leading them.

You know, letting them know that just because they're a problem solver, that isn't just why they're so lovable and valuable and letting them be emotional and know that you're a safe place. Like, you're safe, supported, you're loved, and I've got your back. And you know, those are some of the strongest things you can say to a six. And I know all you sixes out there, you just. You just shook your head yes. And I also know that you. You kind of maybe even folded your arms and said, yeah, but only if they mean it. And that's the truth. Like, if you are going to say you're safe, you're supported, you're loved, I've got your back to a six, you better freaking mean it, because if you don't and they trusted you, it's not going to end well.

But overall, Sixes fulfill their highest potential by observing and working against the habit of over focusing.

I love.

The Sixes, and my goal with every six I meet is to let them enjoy the fruit of all their labor, of all their thinking things through and letting them be playful. Like, and here's the thing. With a six, you have the ability to tap into that seven wing, which is the enthusiast, which is that playful part. They have it. They can do it. It's easily accessible if they just tap into it. So if you love or lead A6, help them be more playful, you know, and if they have concerns or worries, you know, playfully, but seriously, listen to them. But the more you can let a Six have fun that feels safe and encouraging to them, the more that they will be able to lean into faith and trust and face their fears from a place of, you know what? I can handle anything that comes my way. Oh, my gosh. And one of the things I love laughing about, you know, because we were talking about learning, leading, loving, and laughing with the Sixes. You know, when my. My six people come to me with stuff, I'm like, okay, where's the spreadsheet? And they'll laugh, but I know it's true. I know they've got a spreadsheet for everything. And I play into that. And, you know, if I'm joking with them and because they know they can trust me, I'll be like, oh, I thought we would Just do this. Or you know, hey, I booked a place. Let's just get on it, you know, and do this. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know? But only really joke with them if you know that they trust you.

And I'm not saying that you can't because they're some of the funniest people you'll ever meet, especially once they trust you.

But when they are in that mode, having some fun that's not disrespectful in their minds and you might screw up sometimes, I'm just letting you know, on occasion, depending on the mood they're in, you might take it too far and be very willing to, when you know you've taken it too far, say, you know what, I apologize, I was just kidding with you. But I realized that that wasn't a good idea. But they're fun. And all you sixes are that are out there listening right now, thank you for all that you do to save my ass on the daily like, my gosh, I don't know where I would be without the sixes in my life. And if you don't know what you are or you. You want to narrow down what your type is or the type of people that you lead or love or parent, please. Like I said, I spend my days talking about this and not just giving you information. Because information, you've heard me say this before, does not equal transformation. It's how we integrate that information that can move the needle, whether it's in love, leadership, business, money, parenting, any of the ways. And if that's something that you want to dive into, please reach out to me@tracyomalley.com and the work with me section. You can find me on Instagram or Facebook and Instagram. I'm tracyomally and I would love to help you learn how to integrate this. It's the best tool that I use, quite honestly, and it works all across the board in all areas of my life. So stay tuned because next week we're going to be talking about the enthusiasts. It should be a fun one. Until then, here's to Becoming Bulletproof. Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram @traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof. Sam.