80: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome with the Enneagram

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof Podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

I'm a mom to Millennials, an author, Enneagram expert, and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up.

Let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And it is Enneagram Day and I'm going to talk about a subject and a topic that comes up so often in business and entrepreneurship. In this land of comparisonitis, this is where imposter syndrome lies. And I if you don't know what imposter syndrome syndrome is like, if you even look up the word imposter, the definition is a person who pretends to be something else in order to deceive others, especially for gain. Now, I'm not saying that that's what we're all doing in business when we have imposter syndrome, but a lot of times it feels like you are an imposter to a situation or like you don't belong in a situation. And the one that I see the most is that you don't feel like you're qualified for me, when it kind of hit me, it's like, who the hell do I think I am? Kind of thing. So we're gonna dive into that. And if you are somebody that has ever experienced that, not only in business, but this can show up in relationships too, and we start to sabotage. Like it starts this whole cycle. And I get asked a lot if there's any particular Enneagram type that really struggles with imposter syndrome. And my answer is all of them. Every single type on the Enneagram definitely is capable of falling into that trap because each Enneagram type has a basic fear. And that's usually where this is rooted because it's constantly there and it's constantly something we're always going to need to work on. And I know there are so many of you, you guys have been telling me so much how much you're loving these Enneagram episodes and how much you're loving, like actual practical tips and how to actually integrate this into your life and into your business, into your relationships and all sorts of things. And if that is something you would like to explore deeper, this is what I love doing all day long. You can go to traceyomalley.com, go to the Work with me section to find out more information, or you can just hit me up in the DMs on Instagram @tracyomalley. So back to the imposter syndrome. And like I said, every single person can battle with it. And, you know, I think so often as we are, you know, leveling up and personal, developing the crap out of ourselves, you know, new levels, new devils. I've said that a lot. And every time we take ourselves to the next level, there is going to be some level of fear, insecurity, doubt, all the things. And, you know, and as we scroll down Instagram and social media and all the things, you know, we start comparing ourselves, well, I don't have what this girl has, or I don't have what this guy has.

And based on your enneagram type, how you navigate that can look kind of different. And so we're going to talk about that today. But if you continue to live in that imposter syndrome and stay stuck in it and don't take action, you're going to be stuck in fear forever. You really, really will.

And then you won't take action in what you know you're here to do. And those dreams and the calling and your purpose is all going to be sitting there. And I don't want that for you.

And a lot of this is rooted in not feeling like we're good enough. And there is not a person I have met alive that at some point hasn't had that ping on their heart. Like they don't believe they're good enough. And there are some types that just power through it. A lot of. There are some types that go down the deep, dark hole of it and get paralyzed by it. There are some that avoid it altogether. And I don't want you to stay stuck there. And this is the beautiful thing about the enneagram. With any kind of thing that comes up, this is a beautiful roadmap back to your soul contract to stay on the path for what you know is for you and to stay in alignment with your gifts and to know, like, when you know where you go under stress, which is very similar to imposter syndrome. Anytime we're under stress, we tend each type to go to A certain area. So I'm going to kind of help you, like, identify what this. This looks like. I want to help you overcome this little lie, this nasty lie that, that kind of creeps in and robs you of joy and robs you of taking action and what's. What's for you, whether it's in business or love or friendship. Because this kind of thing will hold us back for any. For many of this. Like, I mean, you imagine if you're exploring love and the thing that comes into your mind is like, oh my gosh, he's too good for me, or she's too good for me, or why? Why? You know, we start going down the crazy train with it, and I don't want you for one more day to be robbed of joy, success, abundance, love, not for one more minute. So if I can help you today with some little tips and tricks to kind of identify, like, the awareness is one thing. You're going to have to acknowledge where this is rooted from, so you don't have to continue the cycle all the time. But then you got to take action. And it's that acknowledgement piece that most kind of bail on. You just want to know awareness and take action. And. And the problem with that is if we only have the awareness and then just take corrective action, the chances of it being sustainable or for, you know, to go the distance usually doesn't last very long. That's why the diet industry sucks. It's why a lot of personal development maybe isn't doing for you what you need it to do. So really being willing to go into this acknowledgment piece of where this is rooted from, and I'll kind of touch on that a little bit, and this is going to be a not too long episode because I want you really to lean in and take beautiful, beautiful action. So what does this look like for the Type 1? The Type 1, as you may or may not know, is called either the reformer, the perfectionist, the improver. But they have the fear that.

There'S something wrong with them. They're defective. And so their basic desire is to be good and to be in integrity. And so where they can get into trouble a lot of the times is they. They of all the types on the Enneagram, they are the ones that never believe they're good enough. They don't believe they're good enough. And so they are doing the comparison.

You know, and.

Really can get dark into paralyzation with that. So, you know, really identifying and looking for truth of okay, what is true? What is true for.

What is true for me that I've actually been good at? And look for evidence. You know, for each of these types, you're going to have to look for evidence, right, that things are good, that you are good. And it's possible for the two. The Enneagram 2, the helper. The basic fear for the Enneagram 2 is a being unwanted, unworthy of being loved. And their basic desire, obviously is to be loved and to feel loved. And so a lot of times they'll start second guessing everything. If somebody doesn't answer a text fast enough or somebody doesn't like their post, they can start going into doubt. And the circle of, you know, crazy of not feeling worthy can send them into stress. And an enneagram too, under stress goes to the eight. And so they can start to get defensive, resentful, all sorts of things. And so for an enneagram 2, like, it's really important that.

You start asking yourself like, am I doing this because I really want to and I have no expectation, or am I doing this stuff to get a response or to get something out of it? What I've noticed with Enneagram twos is that the more that they really check themselves and really take that assessment and run it through that filter, they'll start saying no and have some more strong, healthy boundaries, a lot more. So that is something that Enneagram twos, when they really can build that muscle, they really are able to step into that healthy four part of them and have more time for themselves to do the things that they actually like to do. The enneagram type 3, the achiever. This one, I think probably.

Has.

Imposter syndrome quite a bit. But you wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know it because so often they are powering through life. They don't stick around or take the time to really.

Feel any of it. They just keep going on to the next thing, on to the next thing. Because their basic fear is being worthless. They believe that their success, their achievement is what.

Makes them feel worthy. And so, you know, their basic desire is to feel valuable and worthwhile. And so they're constantly moving the finish line and constantly, constantly striving for that title, that appearance, that look, that recognition. And so for the achiever, if you feel this creeping in and you notice you're going into, you know, speed it up and hustle mode, I'm going to encourage you to scale back and actually like, you know, take an inventory and really surround yourself with people that don't really just want to be around you because of what you can do or what you achieve. And this might seem really hard for a three. It really, really is. I see it happen a lot, but the more that you allow yourself to feel your way through, the less you're going to be chasing the unattainable or what you believe is out there. This is really, really important for the three. For the four, the individualist or the romantic, their basic fear is that they have no identity or, you know, significance. And so for the four, you know, their basic desire is to find themselves and to, you know, have this authentic identity. And they look at everybody like they have something that we don't. Right, or that they don't. And so they're constantly striving and they can go down like this, melodramatic depression, withdraw. They can, you know, ghost out altogether. They can become resentful and sad, and it's very, very real for them. And so if you are a four and you experience this, I really want you to know that you are unique, you are special, and using your voice a little bit more and maybe not withdrawing so much and being okay with some structure and looking at things a little bit differently and surrounding yourself with people that you know, when they speak to you, you believe them, which I know is hard for you, but it's really, really important for the investigator. The type 5, the intense cerebral type, your basic fear is of being incapable.

Useless, helpless. And so the basic desire for The Enneagram type 5 is to be competent. And so they can go into research mode over overdrive. And you know, when they get into imposter syndrome, if they don't feel like they know everything about everything, they may not do anything. And unfortunately, like, they have so much to give the world that when a 5 kind of withdraws and doesn't use their gifts like, not only do they become stagnant, so many of us that could benefit from their beautiful wisdom and knowledge and gifts kind of gets put on the burner. So if you are a five and you experience this, I really want you to know that you have more than enough information, you have more than enough energy, and you are in control of how much you put yourself out there. And you're going to be okay because you are capable and you are equipped to handle all of this.

The six, the loyalist.

These guys. If you are a six, you have fear of uncertainty, fear of being without support or guidance. Your main desire is to have security and support. So because you are.

The question askers of everything.

You can go into spinning out on self doubt like you've troubleshooted the crap out of things. You have spreadsheets upon spreadsheets.

A Six to really to help you stay out of this. Not good enough. Who the hell do I think I am?

Not ready.

All the things that you might think you are when you're dealing with Imposter syndrome is surrounding yourself with people that will speak life into you and not minimize your fears. Because that's the worst thing for a Six is for somebody to minimize that for them. But we also really want to keep you in reality and know that you have your bases covered and if something should go sideways, this is a beautiful opportunity for you and you are equipped and capable and, and all of that because if you are a Six, you know that you can talk your way out of, you know, shining your light on the world. And Lord knows the loyalists in this world are here for some great things and surrounding yourself with the right people that can speak life into you and calm you at the same time. Not.

What is the word I want to use? Not be like condescending or minimizing you, but like, I see you, I hear you, I understand you're afraid and I've got your back. The Seven, the enthusiast. Their basic fear is of being deprived or in pain. And they desire to be satisfied and content and to have their needs fulfilled. So you know, they, especially if they don't feel like they fit in into a situation. The Sevens are the masters at, you know, just going to the next thing, going to the next thing. And they don't take their time to feel stuff. And so it can constantly feel. They can appear similar to Threes in this situation where they're just go, go, go, go, go. And if they don't take the time to feel stuff and find some beautiful, healthy solitude, it's going to feel like they're always chasing their tail and they're never going to feel like.

They'Re ever going to find what they're looking for. And so if you are a Seven, I'm going to encourage you to sit in it a little bit and you know, take some solitude time, do something artistic or start research something that really interests you, that you find interesting and you'll be surprised that your own special gifts come to the surface when that happens. For my Challenger Enneagram Eights out there, our basic fear, I am an enneagram8, is being harmed, betrayed or controlled by others. Our main desire is to be protected, protecting ourselves and to be in control of our own life. And destiny. So, like, the eights are the ones that don't want to ask for help. And so I know, like, for myself, where I can kind of get into a rut with like imposter syndrome is I know that in order to shine my light in my gifts, I'm going to need help. But there's that conflict of if I need help, then I have to rely on somebody, and if I rely on somebody, then I'm vulnerable. And if I'm vulnerable, then I can be controlled. And so really, really, really, if you're an eight, leaning into your vulnerability and having at least one person, preferably not your spouse or partner, I mean, they're good to have, but you don't want burn out your partner either and have them be the all for everything. I highly recommend that. But having somebody that you know has your back. And if you're an eight like me, I didn't really allow myself to do that until just a short few years ago. But it's really important because eights are world class leaders. And to be a world class leader, you need support. And I know as an eight, that's like one of our scariest things, but it's important. And so when I find myself in that area, I lean in. And I'm not going to say it's comfortable, but my goodness, does it pop me out of that kind of imposter syndrome rut and sabotage really, really quick. And you know what, the more that we kind of release this pressure valve for any of these types, and the more we get it out of our head and out of our body, the quicker this all goes away. It really, really does. It takes the crazy out of the story that we build in our head. So that's what I'm going to say about that. The last one, denying the peacemaker. You know, their basic fear is of loss and separation and not having some control over their environment. Their desires to have stability, inner stability and environmental stability and peace of mind. And so for the nine, a lot of time, if they don't, like, they don't feel like their opinions matter when they're not in their healthiest state, so they won't speak up. And I'm telling you, the nines on the Enneagram have so many gifts and so much wisdom and they include people and they make people feel safe and loved, but because they don't often believe that their opinion matters or they're worried that their opinions will rock the boat, they shut down and spiritually become lazy sometimes. And there are so many nines like they are, they are some of the most impactful leaders in the world. And so I know if you are a nine, you are afraid of rocking the boat. But I want you to know your opinion matters and start using it a little bit more and you will be surprised to see how fast this happens. I am so passionate about continuing to help you.

Really kind of break free of this. I just want you to know that it's going to be a constant battle. It will always be there. There will always be a little secret voice in your head. You know, when we're, especially when we're on the verge of something pretty damn great, it's usually when this creeps in. And if you can use the tools of the Enneagram and if you want to dive deeper in building a strong toolbox, that's what I'm here for. I do it with teens and organizations and individuals and I would love to help you do that. Your gifts do not have to stay stuck inside of you one more day and I would love to help you do that. So you can go to tracyomalley.com, go to the Work with Me section, find me on Instagram traceyomalley and if you love this episode, please share it with somebody that you know could use this information too. And if you want to share it on the Instagram and tell me what you loved or didn't love about it even, please do that.

Tag me in it.

I would love to have a conversation about this. Until next time, here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

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And do the work.

Let's become Bulletproof. Sam.