82: EnneaTalk Tuesday: Using the Enneagram to help you when you are triggered

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur, and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today.

I'm going to be talking about triggers. You know, I love that word. Actually, I had a horse named Trigger once too. But I think so often.

When we think about being triggered, whether it's in business, leadership, personal relationships, just going through your day, you can be triggered that there's like this negative kind of.

Stigma around being triggered. Like if I know for sure that if, if I felt like I was triggered, that meant I was weak. And the beauty in growth and personal development and humility and all the beautiful things that don't always feel beautiful in growing are that you can see that the things, the very things that you thought made you weak are the things that actually make you strong, powerful, loving, filled with grace, all of it. And a lot of times when we're triggered, that's where we backslide or go into old patterns that don't serve us today. Because these triggers are bringing up something that you need to work on or that isn't quite healed yet. And for so many of us for so long, when we are triggered, we run to the avoidant ways to deal with it. Whether you think it's, I'm going to be weak, I'm afraid of my own reaction, I'm afraid of my own emotion. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to blow up my life. I am going to tell you right now that being triggered is a beautiful opportunity to not only project your life so much in a forward direction, if you're willing to kind of step in the fire of will also allow you to heal at a whole next level, you will have a greater understanding for yourself. And in that you'll have more compassion, understanding and love for yourself, which allows you to freely give that to other people, whether it's the people you lead, you love, you parent any of it. And although it never feels good when we're being triggered, because it feels like, oh, I'm losing some sense of control here. Like, why is this bothering me? Especially if it comes out of nowhere. But when you can recognize that being triggered.

Is an opportunity for you to grow, you'll learn to lean into it. It doesn't mean it feels good. It's fun or convenient. And, you know, I am not immune to this. I don't get triggered as much, not even close to what I used to, because I do have a level of awareness of the things that really kind of eat away at me or that get to me. And this is how the Enneagram, and we're going to talk about this, like, understand.

Your Enneagram type will allow you to recognize the triggers and understand the root of it, so that you can get to what it's really about faster, so that you can acknowledge that, understand that, oh, there's a little more healing there. This is beautiful. And then take really beautiful action to move forward without blowing up your life, without blowing up on people that you care about, without, you know, burning down the house. I mean, every time I was triggered before pre 10 years ago, there was a level of destruction that came with that. Because for me, as an enneagram 8, when I felt triggered, I felt so vulnerable. And if, you know, the Enneagram, the eight, that is our, like, biggest fear. We don't want to be vulnerable. So when that was happening, I could feel like I was being controlled. And so, I mean, think about a caged animal, like, trying to bust out of these steel bars. And that's pretty much how I used to operate when I was triggered. And it usually ended up doing a lot more harm than good. And so in understanding the Enneagram over the last decade and using it as a compass, and I'm gonna say this again, I love the Enneagram so much. You are not like a label. And I know there's a lot of people that are resistant to the Enneagram because you feel like it's a label or it's putting you in a box. And it's not, if you're using it properly, it's just a compass. And when you can understand the motive of you or if you've excelled beyond that and understand the people that you care about, you love, you lead, you parent, you can really understand the motive and you can recognize. And this is how I'VE become such a great parent and a great friend and a great leader and a great partner is because I know who I'm dealing with, and I know when they're triggered, what the motive behind that is. And I can ask really loving questions to help them move through that faster without judgment, without a need to just kind of be codependent and run in and fix things as well. And so I'm going to go through today each enneagram type and the things that set you off, probably, and even the motive behind that so that you can move through it faster. You don't have to be afraid of being triggered or avoid it, or avoid the joy and the beauty and all the juicy parts of life that are in front of you because you're afraid of being triggered. And I've been feeling emotional for the 30 minutes leading up to hitting record for this episode. I'm not sure why. Probably because I'm going to share a few stories of the last 10 days of my own triggers. And, you know, they're. They're really personal things and really hard things that I'm kind of navigating in my life and.

Because it kind of rips a wound open a little bit. Yeah. And some of its business, some of it's personal, some of it's both, and some of its character. And I am not afraid to lean in.

And I could recognize even in my nervous system when it's happening. And so my goal today is to not only give you information on what might set you off, because we come to it so innocently, and it's so subconscious sometimes. Like, Prior to my 40th birthday, I had no idea. I mean, I knew I was being triggered, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. It was just like, reaction, react, react. And then when we react on our triggers, then there comes, you know, destruction and shame, and then the cycle continues. And. And my goal today is to give you some nuggets so that you don't have to keep that cycle going and that you can lean into this and really find the deeper message for you, the deeper level of healing and growth, so that you can step into the calling of your life and the beautiful things that you want without fear and more, rooted in faith. And it doesn't mean that it's not going to get scary or without pain, but that's what standing on the front line of your life and becoming bulletproof is all about. So what made me really want to record this episode? You know.

A week ago, I was in Cabo.

So freaking beautiful. I was so relaxed and at peace, and I was there with my friend, and we. We were celebrating her birthday and just kind of going through and talking about, you know, I'm, you know, reflecting on my life and how beautiful Cabo has been for me and connecting a lot of the dots of my own life over the last 40 years. 48 years. And.

All of a sudden, something happened where we were at a place, and my friend wanted to go there, and I was telling her the story how I. How I had been there at this place, the Mango Deck, if, you know, Cabo San Lucas, eight years earlier. And the last time I had been to that place, I was three weeks out of rehab, and my uncle had called me and said, hey, meet me in Cabo. I want to see you. And so I got on a plane and went to Cabo, and three weeks out of rehab, I'm sitting at the Mango Deck, which is a huge party scene and very much great people watching, by the way. It's so much fun. And back then, I was having a good time. I was kind of in the pink cloud. And if, you know, recovery talk, you know what that means. I was feeling all the good effects of being sober at that moment before I really had to, you know, integrate myself into real life. And so I was telling her the story about this place, and it's really fun, and she wanted to go there, and it was her birthday. I'm like, absolutely, I'll take you, and I don't have a problem. And this is. This is the fascinating thing about being sober is. And I appreciate people that are very aware of and respectful and sensitive to the fact that I may not want to be in other situations. And the beauty about recovery is, like, the alcohol is just the symptom. And because I've done extensive work to understand the motive behind why I drank, being in those situations don't even really phase me if it gets stupid. I always have an exit plan. Like, not because I'm feeling uncomfortable, but because it's like, this is pointless. So my friend was like, are you cool going there? I'm like, fuck, yeah, absolutely. Like, I. I love good people watching, and you got a designated person to keep you safe. It's. It's a beautiful situation. So we were there having a great time. I ordered my, you know, Bloody Mary without vodka because I freaking love them.

And it's like, the one drink that you can drink without alcohol that, like, still tastes the same. I love it. And we're sitting there, and I was like, she's making fun of me because I was trying to finish up some work. And, you know, social media is not my favorite thing, but it's important, you know, for this online space and all of it. And. And she's laughing at me because it's taking me forever because it's like torture. And so she was videotaping me at this mango deck, just finishing up some work. And it was. She's making fun of me. And just the most beautiful way, like, because she's like, I'm filming this for content. It's going to be great. And so she's doing her own Instagram stories and talking about where we're at. And it was interesting because she said to me, she said, you know, I might have to do a disclaimer on this. I'm like, what do you mean? I didn't know what she meant. And she goes, well, you know, people might think you being here and if they saw your drink on the table, like, those are things I don't even think of. And I love her for saying this, you know, I was like, really? Because it was about to prepare me for what was to come, because I was like, the people that love me have zero doubt that I'm solid in my recovery. And quite honestly, anybody that's going to think anything different, I don't fucking care. You know, usually if you're so fixated on what I'm doing, that means you're not paying attention to what you need to. So I really didn't think anything of it. I go to the bathroom, come back, and sure enough, in her inbox, not mine, nobody's going to say this shit to my face, but in her inbox, people were saying things like, oh, my gosh, I'm a little worried about her. Like, is she drinking? Oh, my God. You know, it's like, seriously. And honestly, I don't care what anybody thinks. Between God and me, me and my recovery, my kids, the people that love me, they know I'm solid. And beyond that, you can all think what you want. But all of a sudden, I could feel this anger popping up really strong. And it was coming on hard and fast. And over the next few hours, it was coming to a head. And this is the beauty of having the right people in my life that I can talk to about this, because 10 years ago, this would have just brewed. And even if I was sober, even though I wouldn't need to pick up a drink, this anger would have completely spewed onto everybody that I care about in some form. Or fashion. Right. But because I know what this is meaning. And I'm realizing that this has not nothing to do with what these people are saying about me. Nothing. And I know this, but I'm still triggered. And this is the beauty of triggers. It's like, okay, what is this really about? What is this really about? And knowing the Enneagram, it's like, okay, I'm feeling the anger. Feeling the anger. Okay, I know this is a vulnerable situation. What is this really about? And it's kind of like this beautiful puzzle. When you really welcome it in, it gives you an opportunity to put the pieces together. Oh, I'm feeling the emotion come up. Because this is so powerful for me. Because if you've listened to me and you've followed me for any length of time, you know the history of my life, you know the way that I grew up. I grew up in an alcoholic home. And at the age of four, I had to become an adult really, really quickly.

And all fun was pushed aside. I was never able to have fun because I had to be on 24 7, completely on 247 to be able to handle whatever should come my way. And the fact that people were in judgment of me has nothing to do with the people or what they think about me. But it was that little girl in me that finally, through recovery and me kind of giving her a voice, saying, it's okay to let your guard down and have some fun, especially around people that you trust. And that very, very beautiful thing that I was doing at the Mango deck, having beautiful, innocent, you know, unscripted, just free spirited fun, which I'd never had in my entire life, that I've given myself and that little part of me freedom to do that. And of course, the second that people witness it, they're judging it. And I was able to really identify that that's what it was about. And once I recognized that, and it didn't take very long, like I said, this was a couple hours of this brewing and putting the pieces together.

But I didn't have to explode on anybody. I didn't have to act out or avoid it. Which is why I used to drink. When I used to feel that this is exactly why I used to drink, was because it was the only way I could let my guard down and have fun. But knowing that I can do that today allows me to do that. So another part, another thing that happened this last week that triggered me, there have been two other things too. So there's this situation that I'm having to deal with And I know that I'm going to be facing some questioning around how I show up in the world. And, you know, behind the scenes, there's a lot of pain that I've been handling and dealing with very responsibly and a situation that is very hard. However, I still show up to my life every day. And it's not minimizing the pain. It's just, this is. This is my work. This is my life. And it was brought up to me that this might be something that they. They say about you, like, well, you're showing up like everything's great. And again, I could feel the anger because I know the eight in me. It's like, oh, here comes an anger. Anger hit. What is this really about here? Here goes the puzzle pieces back together. And.

Within seconds, I was like, okay, I can calm down.

Because it's that part of me again. There's a reoccurring theme here for me, and this is my lesson and my next level of healing around. I have to be on 247 all the time. And if it's to be, it's up to me, and I can't rely on anybody. And it's like, this is my work. This is my job. I have to fucking show up online. I have to be this online presence, because it's been my livelihood for the last decade. Like, who the fuck are you to say this? All of that was coming to a head, and in that moment, it's like, okay, I can rely on people. I can let people take care of me. And this has been a theme the last week for me, and it's a lesson that I'm needing, because as I step into this beautiful area of my life, that I'm willing to receive love and acceptance from people that aren't me. Because I've never done this before, ever. In friendships, in partnership, even with my own children, A lot of the time, I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable in ways that I have never been before. And having these triggers are allowing me to heal at the next level so that I can actually receive all the beautiful abundance of love, acceptance, friendship, partnership.

Growth in my workspace, because this is all tied to my leadership and my work, too, y'. All. Like, you can't compartmentalize any of this. I'm sorry. It is all tied together, and I know this was happening for me. And so this is the beauty of understanding myself as an enneagram8, knowing what's happening. I have not had to apologize to anybody for my anger, because the underlying emotion For a challenger is explosive anger. And I've not had to use that. I've used it and channeled it in a healthy way. Because when I was in Cabo and this came up for me, I was angry and I was crying and I was like, ok. But I channeled it and used it for beauty. And that is why we don't have to be afraid of triggers and we don't have to be afraid of emotion. It is all so important to our growth and our leadership in our life. So I wanted to share with you because y' all aren't eights. I know there are many of you that are and that can benefit from my experience. But for the other eight types, I wanted to.

Really kind of share with you what may set you off might trigger you and what the core motive is behind that. So for all my enneagram ones out there, which are known as the reformers, I like to call you improvers or perfectionists. I don't love that word at all because that's just negative. But what really triggers you because you are like the highest of standards. You're always like the moral compass and the high integrity people.

What really triggers you is having to pick up the slack of somebody else. And because of your standards and because it's so high for you, that is something that really triggers you. So you sometimes operate at such high standards that you assume everybody else should or has the same kind of motive behind it. So you kind of start interjecting your, your abilities and then the resentment kicks in and you start becoming outwardly critical and then you become inwardly critical at like high, high levels because it's like, God, like this just like this just sucks. And you know, you have this kind of like everybody should just be picking up their own, pulling their own weight and la la, la. But in your mind and in a one's mind, it's either good or bad, right or wrong. There's no gray area. And so if it's not good, then it's automatically bad. And you hold that same measuring stick to yourself. And in fact it's even at deeper, deeper levels. And so really for a one recognizing that, okay, what's this really about? And I'm going to say this probably for every type, like, okay, why do I think I'm not good? Why do I think that I have to be right or wrong? Why can't I? What is it about the gray area that scares me? And that is where your deeper, deeper work will come in. For the enneagram twos, the helpers.

You know, they're deeply rooted in being of service to others because they believe that their worth and their ability to be loved comes contingent to that. And so they come to it innocently, and it is manipulative, even if it's subconscious, because they will do things in order to gain that kind of validation and to the hit of dopamine to know that they're loved. And so what happens to a lot of twos is they will be like the yes people, and they will go out of their way because they are so empathetic and compassionate. They can read other people. They really, really can. And if they're unhealthy, they're reading it to figure out what they need to do to, you know, help somebody so that they can get the hit of love and worthiness. So what happens is, is when they start doing something nice for people and people don't care or acknowledge or recognize it, they become resentful. And then they can actually take on what looks like an unhealthy challenger. And that's why a lot of twos and eights can be mistyped as each other, because that's like all of a sudden, this sweet, empathetic, compassionate two can all of a sudden look like a crazy challenger sometimes. But because so much of their worth is tied up in being valued for what they do, that's when the resentment. Resentment can kick in for them. And so, you know, something that I have taught my son, who is a two, you know, he's 22 years old and a very sensitive, but one of the most powerful men I've ever known in my life, to help him when he's triggered by this. You know, I've asked him. I'm like, well, did you do that? Like, really looking in the mirror? Like, did you do that because you wanted them to love you a little bit more or like you a little bit more? And if the answer is at all yes, then it means that you need. Need to start gauging before you say yes to things and check yourself. I have to do this all the time. Like, I have to run it through my filter. Am I doing this because I believe it's strong? Because I want to put up walls? But for the two, for my son, I tell him to ask himself, like, if I do this for this person and I serve in whatever way, if they never, ever say thank you or even acknowledge it, will I still be okay? If the answer is no, then the answer is no. And that will solve a lot of these triggers, and it will really Allow you to be in touch with yourself as well if you're a two. So it's powerful for my threes, the achievers.

Because they are deeply rooted and motivated by the sense that they believe they have to have a certain title achievement. They have to appear successful in order to be worthy of acceptance, approval and love. That's why they are very recognition driven and like a bull in a china shop and go after things so powerfully, they do get things done. But a lot of times if you don't properly recognize them or give somebody else the credit when they did the work or kind of ran the gamut of this, that is something that really triggers them. Like they feel like you're riding their coattails because their entire is based on that achievement, even if it's helping somebody gain achievement. I see this in network marketing a lot. I see this in business a lot. You know, you are on the front line doing this work and you know, let's say you're a part of a team and you know the leader of the team is getting the credit. But you as a three are on this team and you know you did a big huge chunk of this work. If that person's getting credit and not properly recognizing you, that is something that will set you off and you will become a little bratty. You definitely will even be a little passive aggressive in that. Because the three can take on the unhealthy nine when they're under stress and that passive aggressive behavior and the kind of underlying digs will happen. And so if you're a three, really asking yourself, okay, if I do this and nobody ever gives me credit for it, am I still okay doing it? Or is this so deeply rooted in my worth? And I see this all the time. I see this all the time. And without judgment, of course. Because I do recognize that when our worth is tied to something so deep, of course we're going to be triggered by it. Okay, so for the Enneagram Fours, the individualists, because they believe that they need to be find their unique self, that.

You know, there's something missing in them, they're always, you know, they're idealists. They're very imaginative. They do see the bigger vision. They really, really do. They, they can see, they're the most intuitive on the Enneagram. They see this beautiful life ahead of them. And it's very true and it's all possible. But what happens is that they start reverse engineering shit and processing like how this actually pans out. And then they get sideways and then they start going down the SH train. And, you know, they feel like they're always letting themselves and people they care about down, that they're not living up to this ideal life that is very, very true for them in the future, but they end up sabotaging it themselves. So, you know, really.

As a four, if you can stay in the present moment and just really focus on, you know, the two feet in front of you and one step at a time and. And really understanding that as a four, what you do see for your future is absolutely 100% possible and true for you. Where you go sideways and you think you don't live up is because you get so fixated on the path. And if you just live in the faith that you are a manifester better than any other enneagram type, as long as you stay in the present moment and really allow yourself to feel and not beat yourself up for it, that when all the beauty happens, it's how musicians and artists and creatives that are type fours really bring their gifts to the world. And even then, we see if they get in their head where this can go. I talk about Robin Williams all the time, probably one of the most obvious fours that on the outside was showing us all his gifts, but inside, as he was trying to navigate what that looked like, it didn't go so well. So if you're an enneagram4.

Really knowing that your big imagination is very possible, but staying present enough in the moment to not be attached to how you get there. For my Enneagram Fives, y' all are great. I love you. You believe everything that you do is motivated by the need to be capable and equipped to deal with things. And so you're very analytical, you're very deep people, but you also hoard that because you're. You're making sure that you have that information and energy just in case, right? So you're. Because you are so deep. And when you are fixated on something, you go like, you will know every single thing about one thing, right? And if something else interests you, then you'll go down that rabbit hole. And so the. The actual even ide small talk, not only does it annoy the shit out of you, but it feels so inauthentic and shallow, and you become super judgy, and you will even play the isolating game even more. And so if you're a five, and that's something that triggers you, and that's where the fives ego, and they get pretty big for their britches, like, I see this all the time. They get very cocky in a very dry sense of humor kind of way, but their egos can become so robust that they will miss the miracle of how a small talking kind of conversation could lead to something much more beautiful and also connect them to the emotional aspect of themselves, which they kind of try to avoid. They try to disconnect their emotions from the things that they are understanding. And I see this happen a lot with some Fives that have a little robust ego is they miss the miracles of beautiful relationships based on small talk. And as an enneagram8, I don't love small talk either because I want to get to the down and dirty, but I also recognize that every single person, even if it's annoying, small talk that's put in front of me can be something that is a blessing. And so if you're a Five and you notice that you become a little judgy or annoyed by small talk, really allow yourself to be present in the moment and know that there is something in this moment that is going to teach you something and allow you to be in touch with that more emotional side for you to make you a more well rounded, higher functioning, higher energetic five. All right. My Enneagram Six loyalists out there.

They, oh, their need, everything that they do is motivated by the need to have certainty and security. And I'm very close to a lot of Sixes and I see this play out and. And this can take on all different forms. And gosh, the old me, I would have been such a terrible friend to Sixes before because they would have annoyed the fuck out of me so much and I would have been just like, just shut up and suck it up. And it's not that big a deal. And. And that is absolutely the worst thing to say to a Six. And you lose trust because they don't think that you can. You really care about their needs. And because they are so loyal, they are very skeptical. But once they actually are trusting you and show them all parts of you, all the little vulnerable parts of you, and trust that you'll have their back if you at all betray that.

This can cause them to spin out. They're the worst case scenario thinkers. And.

You know, if they have trusted and it goes sideways, this will put up bigger walls where they're going to miss some beautiful things in life because they're so skeptical that they won't be able to see past any kind of.

Any things. And we're all human. Like, here's the thing, all of us are human and we're all going to let each other down at some point because we are human and we're so different. And that is why I love the Enneagram, especially when I understand and who's in front of me and knowing. So I'll give you a story about the Enneagram 6. And my best friend, she's a 6. And in Cabo, we had this great conversation. And because I'm very aware of my energy, and my energy is strong and intense and powerful, and for an enneagram 6, that can be a little overwhelming sometimes even the healthiest Sixes. And because they're so skeptical, they can build a case around what they're perceiving as something. And thank God I have the relationship with my friend that I do. And she. She brought something to my attention that she was feeling, and she. She didn't accuse me of anything, but she's like, this is how I'm feeling. And I know that's not. I don't know, maybe, is this what you're feeling? And I was like, holy shit. Like, no. But it also brings a level of awareness of myself about how intense my energy is, and also brought a level of awareness to her that because she's so damn skeptical all the time, because she needs certainty and security and. And support, that she can also build a case that isn't true in her head. And thank goodness we have the level of openness that we do that we can have that beautiful discussion and nobody feels defensive or hurt. And, you know, both of us can learn something about ourselves. But if you're a six, you know, it's not so black and white all the time. And, you know, although you guys are masters of.

Really reading situations and what could possibly go wrong, and thank God you guys do, because you've gotten me out of a lot of jams before. But if you stay so fix. Fixated on that, you're gonna miss a beautiful relationship. You're gonna miss beautiful gifts in your life because you're so wrapped up in the details of not getting blindsided. So really surrounding yourself with people that do have your back is really important. Knowing that if people maybe make a mistake that you deem as, you know, a deal breaker, really be open enough to talk about it in a calm way so that you can get a better understanding. Not just so that person can understand it, but also so you can realize that, oh, shit, maybe I built a case in my head to protect myself or to keep myself at a level of certainty that keeps me safe. And just because we keep ourselves safe all the time, doesn't mean that that means growth, right? Sometimes keeping us safe can rob us of the very thing that we want. And so for sixes, that's going to be really, really important.

For Sevens.

So sevens are rooted in. They don't want to be trapped or bored or the reason behind that is because they want to avoid painful things. So they always want to have their options open, right? So they're always looking for the fun and the optimistic beauty and fun and joyful parts of it. And so they get excited about things. They love making plans for something, they love something to look forward to and they glamorize that even. And their whole life is being driven by this need for excitement. And I mean, that's why they're so great and that's why they're the greatest innovators in the world and that's why they're called the enthusiasts. And that's the healthy part of them. But the not so healthy part of them is the need to escape hard feelings so they know that they. And it becomes so subconscious. And I'm raising one. My daughter is a seven. And you know, back eight years ago, this was the. She was escaping everything, probably me, because I was so intense and hard. So she was always kind of running to things that were exciting. And so even in the healthier part of her now, like, she has healthy excitement and she can sit in the hard feelings and she's not afraid of them anymore. But when a 7, 8 maybe is, you know, average to unhealthy and you have built up all these exciting things when somebody, you know, bails on the plans or it doesn't go your way or, you know, the hype isn't what it was supposed to be in their head. And then they actually are being faced with disappointment, that's the last thing they want. And that's when the 7 can take on that unhealthy one because that's where they go under stress and that ocd, like. But I wanted it to go this way and that once enthusiastic, optimistic, free, spirited, seven can turn into this rigid, angry, critical person. And so for sevens, if you feel that way, I mean, nobody likes when plans get disappointed. I'm an 8 and I still, like, for different reasons, don't like that. Like, if I have my heart set on something, I don't like it for different reasons because it feels super vulnerable to be excited about anything. So when I get disappointed, it's like, shit, I have a vulnerability hangover with a seven. It's very, very different. It's still disappointment, but it's motivated by something different. And so for a seven, recognizing that when you get excited about something like really honoring your process and recognizing okay, am I excited about this because I'm avoiding or if it shouldn't work out, how am I going to feel about that? And recognizing if you have a level of disappointment, obviously there will be, especially if it was going to be something amazing. But if it is really eating at your heart and it's making you step into that ocd, rigid, kind of like black and white, there's something there to look at. It's like, what were you trying to avoid? What kind of pain are you maybe steering away from that you need to address and, and lean into it and know that, you know, it was something I learned from my therapist in rehab, you know, you guys know I still see her today is feelings last two seconds to two minutes. And because I was so fixated on my thing was anger to deal with the pain, really leaning in for two seconds to two minutes and really in those two minutes asking myself what am I trying to not feel? What am I doing putting walls up against. And for a seven that might be really, really important is to lean in for two seconds to two minutes and, and really just be honest with yourself about what you're avoiding. I'm not going to go long on the enneagram 8 the challenger because I kind of talked about that at the beginning. But being vulnerable, overpowered, ignored.

Questioned, that is, that is the thing. Because most eights have had to be on 247 at a very early age. And, and we can get very self righteous like, who the fuck do you think you are? I know that, that when I get questioned for my authority, it's like, and it's not like, because I think I'm better than anyone. And I know a lot of eights think this. It's like, do you think I don't have this shit handled? I've had to handle shit my whole life. Like, who the fuck do you think you are coming in and assuming I don't have shit handled. It's more about that than anything because we will not be controlled. And so for eights, like I said at the beginning, is really understanding when you feel that anger ready to blow like a volcano taking a pause and asking yourself, where do I feel vulnerable? Where do I feel backed into a corner? Where is an area of my life that this has come up before? And you know, like I said at the front end of this episode, how I've navigated that that really has used my healthy anger in a beautiful way for greater good. And, you know, the Enneagram Eights, we look like we don't care and like we don't have the ability to be vulnerable, but we actually are the most sensitive and tender. We crave connection and crave that intimacy and vulnerability at such a high level, probably more than anybody, because we've never had it and we see others have it and we're like, how is that even possible? But in order to get that, we're gonna have to allow ourselves to put down some of these walls that, you know, have been erected through decades to let that in. So all my fellow challengers out there, lean in. It gets much better. And last but not least, our beautiful Enneagram Nines, the Peacemakers, because they have such a drive to have peace and serenity and not have any conflict, they don't want conflict within themselves or in their environment.

You know, they can become a chameleon, and they are very easygoing and kind of go with the flow. But when they are being forced to do something that they don't want to do, that's where they get triggered. Because their whole life they've sacrificed any opinion of their own, any of their own needs. And by the time a nine gets to this point, it has become so subconscious, they don't even know that they're doing it. They don't even know. And they're not even aware that they have no. They have shut down what their own opinions is, but they can feel that anger because nines, also, the eights, nines and ones, are rooted in anger. And even though you may not see it in a nine as much as you will an eight, it's brewing. And the reason they get triggered so bad is when they're asked to do something that they don't want to do, they're screaming no in their head. But as a child, usually they just kind of suppressed it because they didn't want conflict or it was unsafe to have conflict. It was unsafe to have an opinion or a voice, but that doesn't go away. And it. And that's where their passive aggressive behavior can come in. That's where their stonewalling can come in. That's where they're. Where they can procrastinate and avoid doing the very thing that they know will make their life easier, but because they've said yes or minimize their own needs for most of their life, that it's going to come out in some way. And they don't even realize sometimes that they're doing it. And so. And they. They can kind of appear to be pretending like they don't know or like, I just didn't know. I hear that one a lot from nines. They do know, but they've shut it down so much that they really don't. And I know that sounds weird, but if you're a 9, really using your voice and knowing that your opinion matters, being in tune with your nervous system, because you've shut down a lot of the times, the average unhealthy nines like really paying attention to what your body's telling you. Because even though you may not emotionally or cognitively realize that you're shutting down your feelings and emotions and your opinions and your voice, your nervous system does. And your body will tell you, and you may feel it in your gut because the nines are instinctual beings, and they're in the gut triad of the enneagram.

The goal for a nine is to not ignore what your body is telling you first. And that was something as an eight that I recognize. I used to shut down what my body was telling me my whole life, and now I check in with what my nervous system says before my brain or my heart even takes over. And for the nines, that will be something you need to do, too. So, like I said, triggers aren't a bad thing. And I think we've been conditioned our whole life to run from them or to explode on them or to just suppress them. But what I have found and where my biggest growth has happened is when I recognize that I'm being triggered. Knowing that this trigger is something that actually will benefit you. When you are willing to lean in.

It'S a signal that you have some big, maybe unprocessed wounds around specific things. Like for me, the fact that two times in one week.

The specific trigger was me having to be on 247 because I wouldn't let anybody else help me. It's no surprise that that's coming up right now as I lean into next levels in business, in partnership, in friendship and parenting.

Letting people support me is a common theme. And where I It's a new vulnerability for me. So that's why these triggers I know are coming up for me. And if I wasn't willing to lean into it, I wouldn't get the beautiful lessing and blessing. I call them blessings, like the blessing and lesson wrapped up in one. And here's the kicker. If you ignore the triggers or explode on your triggers or whatever, it's going to come back again. And this Time, it's going to come back stronger, more fierce, less convenient, and it's going to leave a lot more wreckage. So my advice to you is if you are being triggered.

Learn your type, because this will really give. It will really allow you to navigate this a lot faster. Had I not known what I know about the Challenger and my own Enneagram type, those two incidents the last week would have maybe turned sideways on me. I might have sabotaged some beautiful things in my life. I might have exploded on people I care about, which would leave me feeling regret, shame, which perpetuates a cycle I don't want to get trapped in. And so this is something that's really, really important. So if you don't know your Enneagram type, or you think you do, or you think you might have been mistyped, this is where I come in. I do this for organizations and teams and. And individuals because I think that this information can provide such a healthy compass to really help you get back on your road, your soul contract for you in a way that can keep you who you are. Like, my goal is none of us need to change. We just need to get back onto our soul roadmap and our soul path. And the Enneagram can help you do that. And I would love to be on that journey with you and help you really navigate what that looks like, so that when you do get triggered, instead of it taking you down a destructive path, you can actually use it to heal, to grow, to empower others, and to bring out the best in yourself and every person you touch. And let me tell you guys, that is how you stand on the front line of your life. Being willing to take every hit that comes your way because you know you can handle it. And even if it hurts, you can handle that, too. And that, my friends, is how you become bulletproof. So if you love this episode, I would love to know about it. Please screenshot it, share it with somebody that you think needs this message. Let me know what you got from it, because I would always, always, always like to bring you more of what you need. And until next time, here's to becoming bulletproof. Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you into even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram, traceyomalley, and I have tons of free resources for you@traceyomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits, and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work. Let's begin. Become bulletproof.