90: We don’t have control over anything—except how we react- and the Enneagram can help

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I am a mom to millennials and author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business in life. If you are looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in the ass, you'll disc Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And it is Enia Talk Tuesday.

And this is not going to be a very long episode. I just got something on my mind that I think that is going to resonate with you.

You know, we are rounding out the year in is hands down like I don't even know what to say about 2020 and what it has meant. I started this podcast at the beginning of 2020 and had a vision of what that would look like. And this lets you know that we don't have control over Jack Shit 2020. However, what you do have control over is your reaction and your response to things that are hard. And that's what today is going to be about is a lot of that. I think in the world we live in, it's very different than when I grew up. There wasn't this plethora. We didn't have the Internet, obviously. I mean, shit, I didn't get my first cell phone till I was 30. Like, yeah, that tells you something.

We didn't have personal development. I think my generation, you know, those of us that are rounding out, you know, the 50 year range, we're like that first generation where maybe we heard about it in our home. I think I saw my mom with one book on codependency and that reign about that kind of was very short lived. It was shut down pretty quickly. So, you know, I'm like a first generation personal developer. But there's a lot of you out there that are, that could be my children. You know, you're in your 20s or 30s and you have been exposed to personal development and you grew up with the Internet and you know, maybe you went to school and had a cell phone. Like that didn't happen for my generation. But this is, this is what I'M seeing. And this goes all across the board, from 50 and beyond, 50 and below, millennials, Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Z, all of you. This is something that I am finding to be so true. And it is the thing that I am finding in this personal development space that is holding you back. And there's not a secret sauce. There's not more information that you actually need. There isn't. There's. I think there's too much information at this point. And so many of you keep searching and searching. Well, maybe if I. If I learn one more thing, or maybe if I hire this person, or maybe if I, you know, get this degree or whatever, and I'm not knocking any of it. I think anytime that we are learning information and gaining knowledge, I think it's all positive. But if you are at the point in your life where you really need to make a shift and all this information isn't doing jack for you, there's a disconnect. And this is what I see so often. And this is honestly, this is where the line gets drawn in the sand with when you're going to hire a coach. And this is something that. For a long time, it's been a long time, I've had people fight me on this. Like, you should just go strictly into, like, xyz. Xyz. And I'm like, listen, how I got XYZ has a lot to do with what I'm about to say right now. Like, I have always been a strategic person. I am fucking smart. I've always been smart. I've always been scrappy and gritty and figured shit out from the School of Knox. And education, like, street smarts. You name it, I've known it. And I don't say that to brag, but it's just the freaking facts. And I know there's so many of you out there that feel that way, but there's still something missing for you. And the missing piece is taking what you know in your head and processing it through your heart and then being able to execute in integrity and in a way that feels really good, fulfilling all the things. And I see this. You've heard the term spiritual bypass before. And trust me, if I could have found a way around this, I would have done it. Because it hurts and it's not fun and it feels like pain and all the things, Right? But all these things that we know in our head. I mean, you've heard me talk about this. I. I've been through nine therapists, and I was able to manipulate every single One of them. And I don't say that like I should be proud of it, but the reason why. And they all said like, holy shit, you should be a therapist. And the reason is, is because I knew at a cognitive, intellectual, brain space level every single thing that was happening. I could make sense of why shit was in my house. I could make perfect sense of, you know, certain patterns. And I thought just knowing that would change it. And the problem is with you out there, who is. You're probably sitting there in your car right now going, oh, shit, she's talking to me. Yeah, I am. I am. Because I see so much that you want to do with your life, and I know the gifts that you have to offer the world. In business, in your home, in your love, in your life, in your health, all the things. And I know that this one component is what's keeping you from it, you know, all of it. You don't need to take another course. You really don't. I mean, unless you want to be a doctor or lawyer. Let's. Let's just hold the phone here for a second. Where you are needing help today is taking all that beautiful information that you have in your head, all that understanding you have of your wounds and your childhood and all of that, like, as a logical, whatever age you are, you get it, right? You get it. But until you work it through the heart space and really grieve your way through it, it's impossible to move forward in the way that you really want. You can have success. Yep, you can. I've had it. You can have partnership. Yep, you can. You can have children. You can have a rocking body. You can have all of that. But you're always going to feel like something's missing, or you're going to be chasing the next thing, or you're going to sabotage it, or you're going to procrastinate it, or, you know, you fill in the blanks. I pretty much did all of it. Right? And what I love about the Enneagram, if you use it properly, and this is, you know, this is my zone, girls and boys. This is my zone of genius. Like, there's so much great information on the Enneagram out there. So much like, so much that I. I'm still learning. And I've been at this almost a decade. I'm still learning every day. But learning doesn't mean jack if you don't know how to integrate it, right? Think about a doctor. How long does a doctor go to medical school? I think it's eight years, right? Plus residency and internships and all of that. All that information that they learn in medical school. You could be the top on. On the. In the grades. You can get the best scores, whatever. You can be the teacher's pet. It doesn't make you a doctor and a really good doctor until you're integrating all that information into what you know. So all my personal development junkies and podcast junkies out there, please continue to listen mine, because I think this is actually really freaking great information to actually help you.

Until you work the muscle and use this information. And I love to use the tool of the Enneagram because it breaks it down where this doesn't feel so overwhelming. You've heard me say, you know, I spent 40 years doing it the way I've always done it, and that's just the way I was. And la, la, la, la, la. And most of with me or are in my life, my kids, my friends, everybody, you know, will say, well, that's just how I've always done it. I've never. This is new to me. Well, like, yeah, same here. But how the fuck is that working for you? Yeah, it doesn't. My kids can't stand when I say that, but they know it's true. If you want something different, it's going to require something different of you. And how I love to use the Enneagram. A, it breaks it down, so it doesn't seem so overwhelming. After 40 years of doing it just the way I've always done it, to break it down seemed overwhelming, but using the Enneagram, it didn't make it so hard. And B, when used properly and usually when somebody's guiding you through it, this is why I highly recommend if this is something that you've struggled with, you've done a lot of personal development work, but you know, something's just not sticking. Your business isn't moving, your relationships suck, your kids are losing their shit, whatever that looks like for you. Get yourself a guide, a coach, somebody that can help you integrate this information and actually use it for something good. And then once you start flexing that muscle, you can do so much more with it. I've used this almost for 10 years in my life, in every aspect of my life. And there is not an area that even when I get into a pickle, because you know what? We are human beings, and you have heard me say this before. New levels, new devils. And as I keep continuing to elevate my life in all areas, I am being tested and I'm going to have to peel Back another layer. And I. Every time I peel back a layer, I pull up my tool at the Enneagram, like, okay, in my eightness, what does this mean? What am I really trying to avoid?

And I'm able to really pivot and course correct or have compassion. Because sometimes compassion is what you need. And it's not just pivoting. We can pivot all day long, but if we don't have compassion for ourselves and give ourselves some grace in this process, honestly, you're going to keep repeating it. If we don't repair it, really at the root, we're going to just repeat it. And the Enneagram can really help you do that when used properly. Now, if you're going out on your own with this information, totally doable. It might take you a while. I'm the best manipulator. When I am not in a healthy spot that I know and left to my own kind of doings, shit can go wrong really quickly. And so I highly recommend investing in somebody that can help you.

It's not fun. One of my more recent episodes I had on a previous client and friend. She is now tell me how mad she would get at me because I would push it. And with so much love and compassion, but I would push it, push it. Because otherwise, like, what's the point? If you know you're gonna go back to the same old shit, why even begin? Because honestly, it creates more shame and guilt. I know that you're tired of doing the same thing over and over. I know you are. I know I sure as hell was. And I know my kids were tired of watching the same shit show over and over and over. I know that I was tired of knowing that I had so much greatness in me, that all this brilliance that I know that was there, and the street smarts and the just the savviness and the scrappiness and the grittiness, that was all there was being wasted. Every fucking time. I sabotaged it or would dim down my light for a guy or, you know, block out people that really wanted to help me because I was too prideful. And God forbid I thought somebody perceived me as weak. Those were all the inner knowings of me before I understood the Enneagram. And using that tool, even when I do still kind of go down that road sometimes. Because I'm human, just like you. Nobody's perfect. It doesn't exist.

Every time that happens for me, I'm able to pull out the tool of the Enneagram and really look at myself through clear Glasses and compassion and love and grace and say okay, what is really at the root here? And then able to move forward, whether it's in my businesses, in my health, in my parenting, in love, in my friendships, all of it. I thank God I have this tool and know how to use it and teach others how to use it. Because I'm going to tell you right now, if I didn't have this as a compass in my life, I would for sure have blown up every area of my life. Probably not my kids so much, but every other area for sure I would have blown shit up. Because here's the thing, I knew how to operate when I blew shit up. But I was tired of that because it leaves so much wreckage and so much shame. And I know you're tired of that too. If you are tired of going to another event, even online at this point, if you are tired of investing in another coach, that doesn't help you move the needle. If you're tired of waking up and it feeling like fucking Groundhog Day every day. If you are tired of having some success sabotaging it, procrastinating, beating yourself up for it, going into the cycle of shame, putting on 40 pounds, whatever that looks like, if you're tired of it, make it stop today. I love helping people through this. My phone, I'm not going to lie to you, has been blowing up the last two months and I know as this year has gone on and quite honestly it didn't seem like there was an end in sight and still doesn't sometimes, but you don't have to operate from a place of where the world is being so conditional that you kind of go with the flow with that. Like you can take power back today, you can take full control of your life back today, but it's going to require you to dig in. And as probably somebody who has spent most of her life trying to dig in all by herself, it's a painful, painful, almost impossible process. We were never meant to do any of this alone. We were meant to be in connection and in communication with each other. Other. I was having a talk with my son and all of his friends. They were over here last night, we were watching some football and they were asking me lots of questions about, you know, even just a short four years ago and you know how much I tried to white knuckle my way through so many things by myself. And you know, it took a really hard time in my life with my health to look around and realize I was completely alone. And that was self inflicted and I knew I wanted love and I knew I wanted friendship. True intimacy in my life where, you know, I could actually lean in. I'd never done it before, right? And I asked myself, how's that fucking working for you, Tracy? And it wasn't working for me, not for what I wanted. So forced me to really do the painful process of letting myself be vulnerable more and more every day. And I can't imagine my life today without the willingness to not just look at the tool of the Enneagram, but integrate it into my life. And I want to help you do the same thing. And, you know, we. We start cracking, cracking you open a little bit. It affects all areas of your life. Many of you come to me for business and we do that. And ironically, you come to me for business and your relationships get better, or your boundaries get better, or your health gets better, or all the things get better. Because when I use the tool of the Enneagram, you. I help you get an integrity in all areas of your life. And the ripple effect of that is magical. And it feels really damn good every night when you lay your head on the pillow and know that you gave it your very best today, very best effort, right? In integrity. And when we're doing that, honestly, even if it turns into kind of a hard day, I know that even on my hardest of hard days, I've had the last two years that I can lay my head on the pillow and feel really damn proud of myself because I'm showing up and I'm showing up fully in all areas of my life. And I know that that's what you want too. And if that is something that you need today, right now, you can find me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can go to my website@tracyomalley.com, the work with me section. I don't know how much longer I can do one on one coaching, quite honestly. I have got some very cool projects I'm working on. Bringing the Enneagram into huge businesses and organizations and. And corporate places. And it's going to limit my time. So if this is something you want to do and you're ready, and I'm going to be really honest, there's nobody like me out there that that's doing it with the Enneagram. I'm just being completely transparent with you. And I know that to be true. And that's why I can say it with so much confidence. I'm the worst salesperson and marketer on the planet. But that I can say with all my total being. If this is something you want to learn and use and integrate into your life and you've had enough, reach out. I promise I got your back.

I was fired up today about that because I see so much beautiful personal development out there, but nobody knows how to integrate it and really use it for their greatest good. And I'm here to tell you today is the day. Today is the day. So I look forward to hearing from you. If you loved this episode, please screenshot it, share it with a friend.

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