95: Being Fearless with David Wood (Enneagram 7)

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Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author, Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur and master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building a bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and ethos, an extra kick in the ass, you will discover that here. Each week I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof. Buckle up, let's go.

Welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. And today is going to be fun as fuck for sure. I can tell you right now, he is one of my favorite, favorite, favorite people in the entire world. And I met God, David, I met you seven and a half years ago, if you can.

Holy crap, that feels like yesterday, right?

I know. And I was just brand new in the whole network marketing thing. My world had just been rocked and I was maybe three months in and I went to this event. There was at the time, I think it was probably six or seven thousand people, which was a lot for me. And I remember seeing David on the stage and just like, no, like no filter, no bullshit, straight shooting, which you guys know, that's the way I like things, but with so much love and compassion because sometimes we can see like that. Straight shooting, no bullshit, and it's a cover for something else. But this guy is not that, because he has equal love or equal parts love and compassion as well as the fu. No bullshit kind of thing. And that is what makes David Wood. David Wood. And you know, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but at that same event, again, only three months into this whole thing, brand new, not sure what the hell I was doing at all. And it was in Vegas and I was brand new, sober too. So it was like I was like a preschooler basically in all areas of my life. And, you know, he had said something on stage about being exactly who he is wherever you see him. And that was one of the things that I loved about him. But then when I actually saw it for truth, I ran into him in a gift shop in the hotel. And you know, everybody that was running around that place knew who he was and I just said hi. And he actually stopped to Talk to me and just say hello. And not for any other reason, but that's who he is. And I talk all the time about integrity and that you can't compartmentalize integrity and that it's really important to be a world class leader. You must be an integrity in all areas of your life. And David Wood is exactly that. He is a world leader. He's taught what 1 million students all over the world. He's taken people to Kilimanjaro, which I went in on that, by the way. You're up for that. You're in, I'm in. And no matter what country he's in, whether he speaks the language or not, his message of love, service, caring, compassion comes right through. People understand exactly who David Wood is. He has been described as fearless, transparent, authenticity, hilariously funny, effective, and life changing. And he is all those things. He is also an enneagram7 for those of you following along, which means he's the enthusiast. And as you listen to our chat, you will see exactly why he is that. David. Hi.

Wow. That could easily be my favorite introduction of all time. You know, so many people get caught up in the words, but not in the feeling. And I just felt for the. It's so rare to be introduced in such a. We talk about an authentic and transparent and beautiful way. So thank you. And how cool is this? I know I was recently interviewing you. Now you're interviewing me. It's lovely.

I know we've had many conversations over the last seven years that I know that are still shared to this day, that have been put on video and on podcasts, that every time that you and I get together, there's just something that somebody needs to hear. And you and I both focus on the compound effect of one person, which is why I think you're so powerful. So tell me about, like, how you even ended up becoming this guy that you walk into a room and people are A, drawn to you and B, completely transformed by your heart and your words.

Well, it's interesting because obviously if we look at my profession, which is probably a teacher, if you call it that, some people call it a motivational speaker, which I really don't like that even as a philosophy, to be able to stand in front of someone and motivate them. I'm all about real transformation, which is hard and it's honest and it's. It's not easy and people struggle with it. You know, if it was easy, we'd all be doing that, right? The sort of the ability to walk into any room, whether you speak the language or not, which is what you talked about, comes from, I think, deep. You use the word integrity, but transparency and congruency and. And that, you know, I love the fact that I don't use a lot of profanity. I do in life, but don't normally publicly. But if you don't give a fuck really what people think and. But I give it. I really care about people. I just don't. I'm not invested in what they think, which means when I walk into a room, I'm going to. I treat people as if I already know them and like them. Because I go into that every relationship really looking for the things I like in people, even assholes. I mean, I meet people a lot of people think are real assholes, and I get on so well with them because through all the, you know, you know, that's a guard, you know, you know, it's their shield, you know, it's their bravado. But, you know, when you can find a part of someone to connect with, what happens is all the other parts seem to open up. It's. It's almost like, you know, there's a combination of people. But one of the most important parts of the combination is how I'm behaving inside and whether I'm being congruent and fearless. And fearlessness is, I mean, the ability to walk up to someone as a stranger and hug them. It's like the gym I go to. I go to a gym and there's a lot of professional athletes there, you know, And Shea Weber, for example, is the captain of the Canadiens. You know, there's a lot of those tire. I mean, really high level athletes. I go there because the energy is focused on excellence and not on, you know, it's about, you know, not working out. It's about training. It's about that whole thing, you know, but everyone in the whole gym, they all know me, and yet they don't all know each other. And I hug a lot of them, you know, and I invariably end up. I mean, there's a kid in there right now. I just love his energy. And I walked up to him today and we've been saying hi. You know, it's that romance stage. And he's got to be 19, but he's a rugby player. And I love how he works out. And I always tell him, I said, you're such an inspiration to watch. And that started our conversation. First the compliment, but it's a genuine, sincere. I wasn't trying to get anything. I was just telling the truth. I saw a guy across the room, big strong guy, and I walked over and said, can I tell you something? Watching you work out is really an inspiration for me. Thank you. And you can see, it's like there was a shock, right? It was like, oh, thanks. Right. But today I walked up to him and, you know, I've got this book at home. And I told him the story of how I got this book. It's called Legacy. It was written about the All Blacks rugby team. And every time I see him, I think about this book. And there was a real funny story about how I got this book. And in fact, once I got the book in my hand, I was in this remote island in Fiji, and one of the All Blacks top players, who's a winger, happened to just show up as I'm reading the book, and we end up spending the evening together drinking kaba. Imagine this. It's crazy, right? And I think, why did I get this book? And he inscribed it for me, right? And. And I thought, oh, it's for this kid. So I told him, today, I got this book for you. Right? And so, sorry, did I lose you? No, someone just. Someone just called me. If that happens again, that's where it's real life.

We're good.

Yes, exactly. Anyway, so, yeah, so I do believe it's a fearlessness, a fearless approach to truth and a willingness to be rejected and never worry about it, because I understand if someone does. If I walk up to someone and they snub me, I don't take it personally because I know it says more about what they're feeling inside than it says about my intention, which was to just be kind. So if they're being an asshole in that moment, I don't think they're always assholes. I don't know if their mother just died, their cat just died, whether they're just going through a divorce, or whether they're just having, you know, a bad moment. But I don't. I don't take that personally. So I'm willing to keep giving it a shot. Right. That was a very long answer to a very short question.

Well, we answer. We answer questions the same way. So I love it. And I knew that was kind of going to be how it went, and I know that because I kind of have that same vibe. And I think that's why we're such good friends, because I do do that, too. And I think it's a beautiful thing that more people should do. But I think so many take it personal and Fear the rejection and what people do think that it holds them back from the miracles that. I mean, every. Every week on your Instagram, you tell a beautiful story of a crazy moment like that where you meet a stranger, you end up, you know, drinking all night or, you know, taking a cab with somebody, and then you're. You're doing something crazy fun with them and just having these experiences that I think so many people miss those miracles along the way. Now I know that, like, you weren't, like, I believe you were born that way, and then life kind of happened and started to kick the shit out of you a little bit. Where The David of 40, 30 years ago would probably not do that or would do it as a front, right?

Yeah, I do it more as a manipulation. I think early. Early on, it was a survival mechanism. I used humor early on as a way of escaping brutality because I grew up in a very brutal home. Right. So I could use humor to diffuse or, you know, at school, you know, I wasn't very well. I know I'm smart, but I. Academically, I was. You know, I left school at 15. I could hardly read and write, so that I used a lot of things in a manipulative way to be able to survive and navigate the waters that were in front of me. I was never an intentionality of kindness. It was more of a protective force. Right. That I didn't realize that. I mean, obviously, as you do more work, you start to realize, you know, motives and why. Why I did things and you know, how that played out. Right.

You know, it's funny that you say that, because I think so often that we carry shame when we realize that that's kind of our operating system. Like, for me, yours was humor, mine was anger, and this, like, stoic, strong, take no shit kind. And I think a good friend of mine said, like, our greatest wounding is backed up to our greatest gift. And once we can start, like, really chipping away at and healing the wounding. Even though you used to use humor and fun and that beautiful personality of yours for manipulation, and I used to use the anger intensity stuff for whatever. I still have that. You still have that, but it's used for the greatest good today. So I think that so many of you listening right now, you know that there are things that. That you use that aren't true to who you are because you know you're using them for the wrong reasons. And maybe there's shame attached to that. And as long as we've got shame around that, it's going to keep bearing the gifts. Right. So when did you make the shift of. This is going to be used to keep me safe, protect me. Nobody can fuck with me. I can get what I want this way. To. This is to serve the greatest good.

Yeah, I think that it came later, much later. I think if I'd be more aware, I didn't do any personal development whatsoever until I was 36. Or 30. No, 38. Right. It was quite. I was quite late. And it was only because I was going through a divorce with my wife. And we're not actually. We're not divorced. We still. We're still married 15 years later and we're best friends. But that time it was very painful and we went to a personal development program as a way of. In fact, she'd heard about something and she'd never done personal development. So we went to this personal development program with T. Harbeca. It was a warrior camp. So it's like this extreme five day, you know, fire walks and sweat lodges and, you know, high ropes courses. And you do like this thing, you know. And when I went there, you know, I just. I remember the first time I did a sweat lodge and a nepi. And my whole life I guarded myself and protected myself, and I did it again. Because if you grow up in a very brutal home with violence and emotional violence and all the other things are going on, you know, there's. There's a. Well, there was a need in me to. To rely only on myself. I never. I still. I still. I can't think of a time I actually reach out to someone and ask for help. It's just something that's not in my DNA. I just think I can figure it out or I can get it done. I just. That's that reliance. And it's not because I don't want to. It's just because I don't. I don't feel the need to, I suppose. But in the sweat lodge. And if those of you who have never been in a sweat lodge, imagine they build this and it takes a few days. It's very. If you do it with the first nations.

People, they've been doing it for hundreds and hundreds of years. And they'll build a temporary shelter and it looks like a dome. And they call it the belly or the mother of the Earth, you know, the belly of the mother of the Earth. And it's made from local sticks and hides. And they build it and it's a very spiritual. And they build a fireplace in the middle and outside they build this. They heat up Rocks and they heat them up over a day and a half. So these rocks are intense and when you go into the NEP they do these again. That's a very spiritual thing. I didn't know quite the very first. I've done lots of them now, but the first time I had no idea what to expect. And as they, as they bring in more rocks, the Nipi heats up to this insane. You think your skin is going to burn. Don't let this put you off, by the way. But you feel like and the more you're resisting life, the more you're resisting and holding onto pain, the harder it is in there. And in the end, even the strongest person, the strongest man, the strongest woman, the most, you know, the most guarded person, you kind of have to surrender. And I just talked about this today. You know, there was the first time in my life I surrendered because I always fought, I always like stood up, I always took the beating. I was, you know, you know, if I was given an option between a, you know, a wrench or a wooden stick, I'd take the heavy. It was like, yeah, well come on, bring it on. You know, you don't want to penetrate that, right. But there was this thing where surrender and I just remember surrendering and really crying a lot and just going back into my past because there's these different, different things within the inipi where you go back and you look at relationships and I just came out and I remember this is going to sound crazy and very woo woo and I hope it doesn't because I'm not a woo woo kind of guy. I remember coming out and we're in British Columbia up near Whistler and there's this massive glacier in front of me. And I remember walking out in absolute silence after an hour and 20 minutes in there, having had to surrender really and let go of so much shit I was holding onto. And I remember looking at the grain of sand and holding this grain of sand in my hand and just staring at it and being mesmerized by it for the very first time. Like I'm seeing things for the first time that I was missing and looking up this glacier, looking down at this greater sand, looking up the glacier. And that for me was a very pivotal moment of realizing that I didn't need to be so strong and I didn't need to be so guarded. I didn't have to distrust, I could trust myself to navigate the world with a much more authentic and genuine and kind and truthful way versus more of a manipulative and fearful way because, you know, I didn't even learn how to tell the truth Till I was 42. I think it was the first time I really realized, hey, what if I started telling the absolute truth, right? And one of my quotes that I've written is like, tell the truth. My eight most favorite words. Tell the truth all the time with compassion. Now tell the truth all the time is a quote by Randy Pausch. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing if you've never. On YouTube, watch it. It's called the Last lecture with Randy Pausch. It's a guy who does this lecture before he dies. Really, really powerful. But I added with compassion because I used to be able to tell the truth with no compassion. And all I did there was a hurt people. And you've done that.

Yeah, for sure.

An asshole.

Oh, for sure.

Right. So I don't know. I've never been asked that question. And it's. I've never told that story that way. So this is the very first time I've ever shared that story, Sam.

So I know that there's a lot of men listening right now that are fathers. And, you know, even though I'm not a father, I'm a mother and came from a rough background and I remember, you know, similar situation. Kind of like we're at this pivotal fork in the road. Like you're facing divorce and what that looks like. And your kids were pretty young too, at that time, as were mine, you know, under 10 years old. I think yours were too, when you were getting divorced.

Yeah, 7, 7 and 5.

Yeah. So I know that that was a pivotal moment for me too. It's like, okay, and we talked about this on the show, on your show, about if we don't repair this, we repeat this and you going to that thing and that intense surrender and especially when you've never done it before. And I think once you do that surrender, you realize that that's not the only surrender you're gonna have to do. Like, it's a continuous process. And especially when you're raising two young men, which you are, and you've got 20 somethings like I do, right?

Yeah, 20, 21.

It's crazy when. Isn't it? It's just crazy. We have like little humans that are like out in the world doing great things. But I know that that's, that's the most important thing. And although you're a world class teacher, like the first place you lead is in your home and with your boys. And so as you're chipping away at this. And I've been chipping away at this in real time with my kids witnessing it. How do you explain the shift to your boys? Because I think a lot of parents out there really think they're protecting their kids by not communicating their work with them like this. Internal work. And what I found for myself is the more honest with compassion that I was with my kids about my process. And listen, like, I don't fucking know what I'm doing, but I know why I'm doing it. It's because I love you and I love me, and I want greatness for you. And so let's figure this out. Like, I'm going to do this with the utmost integrity, and it's not going to be pretty, but I will stay in this. How did you kind of model this? Talk about this with your boys as you were kind of evolving into a guy that tells the truth, that speaks truth with love and compassion, that is fun for the right reasons. And on all the things.

Well, you know, it's interesting. It's a great question. You know, I. My father left when I was 7, so one of the hardest things I ever did was to walk out the door. And in fact, I found a way to come back in. Even though we separated, I bought a house. And I remember taking the boys there. They were little and giving them big sledgehammers. And the first thing we did was we knocked down the walls in the kitchen because I was going to do a big renovation. But because we did that, I couldn't live there. So I went straight back home and said to Pam, do you mind if I stay in the basement while I renovate the house? Which took a full year. Which took a full year because it was just so hard, right? Because I just remember the day my father left. It was a really, really hard, hard day for me. And especially because of how he left and what I was asked to do to try and keep him there. So I took on a burden of that. But, you know, I think that one thing I noticed with a lot of parents, and again, I haven't written a parenting book, and I'm not about to. I think that one of the things I was told many years ago by one of my teachers, Blair Singer, he said, just remember this. We all fuck up our kids. And I think that's a very, very enlightened, enlightened approach to parenting is because somehow we're meant to get it right. Having. There's no. There's no real lessons. And our parents, you know, if you think about it. How many of you lie to your parents? You know, I don't care how old you are, but I survey people all over the world, as you mentioned. I've trained over a million people around the world and I do surveys and I ask people, you know, when are they most inauthentic? And I give them scenarios. And I would say more hands go up with people being inauthentic or wearing a mask in front of their own parents. Because parents expectations of us are so, you know, in our face and we're afraid as children to tell the truth. The reason I think we're so afraid to tell the truth to our parents is because our parents lie to us the whole time. And I hear it all the time. You know, oh my God, I don't let my kids do that. You know, if they knew what I was doing when I was their age, right? As opposed to saying, hey, when I was your age, I got idea, did drug. I like me. I mean my kids know that exactly how I grew up because I felt that that was the best option for them is to realize that their pat and I can tell that they're both really honest to me. You know, they tell me the truth. They tell me. I mean, I know about their sex lives. I know about their, you know, what if they've done drugs? I know about, you know, their. They just feel, because I don't feel that they can see that I'm in judgment of them. But also I think because I was so transparent about it and I always struggled because I could see how many parents were lying to their kids and pretending like they never made a mistake, pretending like they never did drugs because they thought that was the way to teach their children not to do drugs. And I just always felt, I don't know if I'm doing this the right way. I don't know if it's the right strategy, but I don't want to do that. I do not want to look my kids in the eye and pretend that I had my shit together when I didn't. I'd rather say, guess what? You can be a complete fuck up and you can find your way. And the quicker you know that you realize that. So, you know, to have Your son at 17 or 18 sit down and ask you questions about sex, you know, and intimacy and, you know, and those guys, 16 even, you know, is a testimony to the relationship itself. Now again, my kids, you know, are very, very different kids. I mean, they're like different ends of the spectrum. And I know this sounds kind of strange. But if my kids were sitting here in front of me, they would say this. So I'm talking about what's come out of their mouth that, you know, sometimes one kid you're closer to or because you have more in common with. And a lot of, you know, I love all my kids equally. Really? Yeah. You may love them theoretically equally, but some of them, you just have this connection with this deeper. So there's kind of more to do together versus if you have nothing in common with the other. And I have that kind of a little bit. So my eldest son would say. And he said this at the table sitting right here next to me. He's like, yeah, I'm really. I feel closer to Mom. And I know Ben's closer to you. That's all right. But that's a sort of level of truth that most parents can't get right with. It's almost like, well, I'd rather my kids lie to me than tell the absolute truth. And I'd rather my son look me in the eye and say, well, actually, you know, I do feel closer to Mom. And I think, great, that's awesome, because at least then in that moment where he shares that, what did we feel? We feel closer because he can tell a truth to me that most people would lie about. Oh, yeah, I love you both equally. Yeah. And behind you. Yeah, kind of. Right.

I love you both equally. But that one I don't like very much right now.

Right, right, right. And so I think that, you know, a good litmus test if you're parenting right now. And again, I don't say I have the answers. I don't. And I see a lot of parents who've done great jobs with their kids. My kids are very down to earth. And I think that, again, very, very different than some other kids. They haven't pursued, you know, college or gone that route. You know, I never did. So how could I sit down in all honesty and say, listen, go and get a degree. Go to university at a school of 15. So it was really hard for me to tell them what direction. And then I've trained over a million people, and most people are women between the age of, like, 30 and 65. And most of them don't love themselves. So I'm thinking, well, okay, if my experience with most of the world is people struggle looking in the mirror and loving who they are, then what is the right path? Is going after a degree the right path or being content and happy and honest and transparent? I don't know. So I don't have the answer. But I do say this. If your kids can't talk to you about the things that they're doing and they can't be open and honest with you about their intimacy or their, you know, their love life or if they're doing drugs, if you feel that they can't talk to you, it's because.

You'Re creating that with your being.

Disingenuous yourself. You're teaching your kids, I believe, to close down and hold back from you because you're not being honest. So if you sat down and said, and I did this a lot, even when I left my wife, I sat down with my son at a young age. I've sat down with him many, many times and asked his advice. Can I ask you advice? I remember I was in a relationship after my wife and it was coming to an end, I thought. But because my partner at the time wanted to have children and I didn't. So I remember picking Ben up from school and he's 12. And I said, ben, can I ask you advice? I said, listen. And I told him the situation. I won't use the girl's name. I mean, some of you know her, right? But. And I, and I said, look.

This person, her name, you know, really wants to have a family. And at the time I was like 50, I'm 60 now. And I said, and you know, I just think that if I have a child at my age, I just don't know what's going to happen to our time together. But I also feel that I'm going to be a really old father. And I said, but I do love her, but I just, I'm in this kind of quandary. And I think that she really wants to go and have a family and not just one child, she wants to have multiple children. And I just wonder what you think, you know. And he went to school and I remember picking him up from school, he said, dad, I've been thinking about it all day. I said, what's your advice, Ben? He says, we gotta let her go and have her family and I think she's gonna be happier and I think you will be too. I said, thanks, Ben, that's great advice. And he's a 12 year old and guess what? We all ended up going to her wedding and now she has two children, right? So it's like this beautiful story, but it came from a 12 year old. The advice came from my 12 year old. And I'm struggling with the decision. And you know, and again, most of the separation thing like even leaving my wife, the hardest thing was because I was consumed by what other people thought about it. That's the thing I had the most, the hardest thing I had to do was to tell people my marriage was failing because I cared what they thought. Right. And luckily I've got over that.

Yeah. And you know, I love, like our kind of theory on parenting is very, very similar. Like, there is, I think, where the confidence and credibility and trust that came with your boys and my boat, both my kids, was when I stripped off the mask and said, listen, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but my intention is great for you and I will. And I did. I would be like, okay, so what would be your take on this? And I think that also as children, when they're watching their parent and they know they're full of shit, and that in the most respectful way, like, I knew it at an, as a nine year old, my parents were both full of shit at 9 and I knew my kids were starting to feel that about me. But when I started kind of engaging them in the conversation and the growth as a team, you know, the three of us, I saw their confidence build in their decision making and the way that they could navigate relationships and decide, you know, that relationship isn't for me anymore instead of being so like white knuckling things that weren't for them. So I love that example. And you know, we said we were going to talk about the bedroom, the boardroom and the bank accounts. So I love it. I love that you shared that because I know there are a lot of parents out there struggling right now because they know they're disconnected from their kids.

Yeah. You know, and it's what we want. Right. We want this relationship. It's like my son the other day, you know, and again, you know, I feel that.

You know, at some point I wanted to become friends with my kids and peers with my kids. And it really has happened. It's happened more with my youngest son right now, only because we spent more time together. And my oldest son left home and has moved in with his girlfriend. So they have a relationship and he's building that. So it's not. I know that I'm over here and when he's, when he wants me, I'm here. But no, he's in the middle of something that there's not a lot of space for me in that he's got two cats and he's really, really content with his life. Right. But I get to hang out. He comes over for Dinner, you know, hopefully once a week. But it's very, very different. But I just think that ultimately one of the great ways is not what they become, but it's how we communicate and whether that we can really be truthful together. That, to me, is my benchmark of how am I doing with my kids. Not, oh, my God, they got this degree and that degree, and oh my God, look at their valedictorian. All that's bullshit because I watch all those valedictorians years and years later, still hating themselves when they look in the mirror because now they don't have that badge. I actually, I love adversity. I love my kids going through adversity. And when they're going through it, I always tell people, bring it on, pour it up, let them go through some. And especially millennials today. I mean, they're so soft. I mean, you throw them in a real situation and they quake. They don't even know how to gut it out. So I'd rather see them go through, like, breakups. I explained this to Benny when he was in love with a girl and he was like, I think, how old was he? He was quite young. He was 16 or 15. And the girlfriend lived in New York and we live on the west coast of Canada. But he had to find money to get to New York and he'd go visit her, but the parents wouldn't let him stay in the house. I mean, he stayed one time with Steve Lovati, right? But he had to find people to stay with. And, you know, then they wouldn't let him in the house. So he had to walk around New York all day while she was at school. I mean, but he was in love. And I remember when they was ending, I said, look, Ben, what's great about this is you've been in love and you get to realize your heart can break and repair itself and you can love more next time. I said, this is perfect. I want you to go through this. I wanted to it to be devastating so that you understand your heart's alright and you can love and you can become great friends and they are friends. And you can love and you can love more next time versus, oh, God, you know, this whole pity party that most people go through. Right?

Yeah, I love that too. Like, as a parent, it's hard to watch the car crash, so to speak, happening. And we know what happens, but we also know what's on the other side of it because you and I both are true testaments that you can be through and get, get the ever loving Shit kicked out of you over and over. You know, theoretically and literally and still, like, we can see the beauty that came from that. And so I'm the same way with my kids. It's hard to see them hurt, but I also know that that builds resilience and their ability to kind of navigate life with not as much fear. And protecting them from that is actually robbing them of their own journey and their own greatness and the speed in which they can do the great things in the world, I believe.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, resiliency is such a great word and grit and all these things, but they don't come. You can't learn that at a picnic. And you can't learn muscle.

You build.

Yeah. You can't learn it unless you're in the eye of defeat. I mean, it's in the defeat we find greatness is not, you know, So I love it. Bring it on. Yeah. You know, and the more the merrier. You know, I don't mind how much, how many times, because as long as they can navigate it and because you say the other side of it, there's this, oh, I can handle it. Even if they don't articulate that really in their brain, subconsciously, deep down inside, they're like, oh, I've been through that. Yeah. Because, you know, I mean, anyway.

Yeah, no, I love. Like, I could talk about this shit all day. I love it. And I know that there's a lot of you out there listening right now that needed to hear all of that, so babble away. But one of the things that. Why. Why I do love this conversation, why I think it's so important is going back to what I said, that authentic, authentic, transparent in integrity in all areas of your life. And the reason you are the leader, you are all over the globe is because, first of all, you're able to lead yourself right. With integrity. Like, you call bullshit on yourself probably better than anyone, right? And then. And then you do it in your own home and you model that for your boys, which, I mean, if you can't lead yourself, you can't really lead a family as well as you could if you were. And I think that that spills out into business and the boardroom. And, you know, you've been part of lots of companies and consulted when things are in crisis. And your perspective, especially when there's a culture crisis, is something that you bring to the table for many companies and many individuals. And like you said, you know, the demographic that you work with are this age range with people who don't really love them.

So how do you bring everything that you do with yourself and in your home out into the world so it can have this compound effect that really makes the impact like it does with you.

Yeah, it's interesting. I've got goosebumps on that one. Great question again. You have great questions. You know, it's interesting because, you know, I work with billionaires and I often pinch myself in some way because, I mean, I'm sitting in a town called Kelowna, for those of you that don't know, in Kelowna, British Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. And I came here, I was illegal in the country for a number of years. And I was. I was a dishwasher earning $4 an hour, right. And so, you know, and when I left England, I was a window cleaner and a chimney sweep. I swept chimneys. And I mean, I always work with my hands, right? So, you know, I didn't. When I. When I think about where I find myself right now, and the fact is, not just what I do, it's how I do it, is that these people who have this great responsibility have allowed me to stay who I am because I wouldn't be here if I couldn't be myself and arrive in my own terms. In other words, show up how I want to. And I've been working with some of these people for a lot of years now. Trust that, you know, that I'm not going to be conventional. I don't go to the office. I'm not that part of that corporate world. But to be. For me, to be most effective, I can't get in that. I feel suffocated in the corporate world. And when I watch a lot of people in corporations, I see that the same thing we're talking about with these kids is what I see playing out with these adults is that they're terrified. They're terrified to lose their job. So they put on a mask and they play a game and they're not really, really happy. And. But they're. Because they're in a game and they're not being completely congruent, authentic. And they won't walk up to someone and tell the freaking truth. I will. I've walked up to people who are very, very, very wealthy and have. They could tell me to get the heck out of Dodge. And I've said, listen, I think you're completely fucking up right now. Because I'm not in a popularity competition. I don't worry about if I was to lose everything, because I. That. That's why I Have so much, you know why I've become so wealthy, I think, and I try, I don't try. I. When I analyze my journey and I say, how do I get? Because it's almost like this, how do I get away with it? Why is it I don't have to play the game everyone else plays, right? And how do I get paid so much money to do the game on my own terms? And I think it all comes down to this authenticity piece, is that I didn't compromise from day one, I didn't walk in day one with a mask on and play the game and then suddenly try and change. There's a great saying, everyone wants to write this down and it's so important. And listen, whether you're in a relationship that sucks, whether it doesn't matter or you've got a boss that treats you like crap, whatever it is, write this down. We teach people how to treat us. And what we feel on the inside of our body is exactly how the world's going to treat us on the outside. So whatever self worth we put in, what we have internally is what we're going to get paid, that's going to do. So my inner world creates my outer world, you know. And you know.

There'S this kind of concept that I feel is that, you know, it just feels like the more genuine, authentic, transparent, fearless and courageous I am in the boardroom and in my life. So I bring my life with me. I don't have two dangers. You mentioned that when I'm on stage, I mean, you've been to many, many, many of my events. You can stay. I just. Shit comes out of my mouth. I don't know, there's no plan, it just comes out. But it's because it comes from a well of kindness. It normally works out. So my point in the boardroom is, you know, if you want to be highly paid, you may have to have the courage to stand up in the face of what you're in right now and grow a set of balls. Whether you're a man or a woman, grow a set of balls and actually tell the truth. And what you could find is two things. One is they don't want you around anymore because you stand out. Perfect. Because what's waiting for you if you're going to live in that world is something much greater than what you have right now, right? Or they're going to be like, oh my God, that's brilliant. And then suddenly doors will start opening because they can tell that you're coming from a well of Remember, it's not just true. It's truth with compassion. I can't just walk in and say, this is all bullshit. I have to come in with, hey, I think we're on the wrong track here. And here's an idea of where we could. This is what we could be thinking. There has to be a solution orientation with it, not just pointing out problems. Right. So I don't answer your question, Tracy.

Oh, fuck. Yes, it did. It was a great answer. And it is exactly why I think you're successful. Like, not just in your bank account, but in your soul. Like, you feel fulfilled every day doing what you do because you can lay your head on the pillow and, you know, without question, you are 100% David today. You don't have any kind of things to keep track of. And, like, did I say this or, like. Because, you know, anything that you said was truth. And I know a decade ago, when I stopped wearing my masks and I showed up, I was like, this is who I am. Take it or leave it.

Would you call it a hot mess?

Oh, fuck, I would. A shit show before. And it wasn't like most people wouldn't know it was a shit show because I was so good at keeping the front. But internally, it felt so painful because I knew, like, I had so many masks, I didn't even know which one I was. And it wasn't until I stripped them all off, and with compassion and love first for myself. Like, in order to do. To give out love and compassion so freely, you must be able to do that for yourself first. Otherwise, it's fake, quite honestly. And it was when I was able to do that that everything shifted in my life, in my home, in my soul, in my business, in my bank account, in the bedroom. All the things. Right, like you said, in the bedroom.

We're gonna get there.

We're getting there. We're getting there.

I can hear you tapping on that bedroom door right now.

All right, we're gonna put a lid on that one for now. Maybe next time we talk, we can talk about that a little bit deeper. But for today, we touched on all of that pretty well. So what I love is that you have a YouTube channel, and it also gets put on a podcast, and your YouTube channel is called My Extra Mile. And it's basically talking about all these different beliefs that it takes to get from the masks, the manipulation, the not loving ourselves very much, the kind of navigating life and gives people the foundation to start chipping away at some of that, because it's real. Easy to say, just do this, this and this. But you and I both know that we can just do the actions. But if we don't, like, really build a new foundation, it's not gonna last or it's not gonna be sustainable, or it won't feel true to who we are. Right. So tell me about the show and.

Where people find it. Yeah. While the show is relatively new, YouTube's quite a hard thing to break into, by all accounts, because it's a bit arduous of how you have to register before you could sort of become a part of it. We're doing really well as far as numbers are concerned. But the podcast has many, many more numbers. But this is just something I wanted to sort of attack.

I did a podcast for many years called the Kick Ass Life. It's still there. The kickasslife.com464 shows with like, some incredible people.

I've been on it.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Incredible people. Exactly what I said. And so, you know, the. So I just love interviewing. I love, like you're doing right now, you're a great interviewer. I mean, I love being interviewed by great people, but also interviewing great people. And also I've started doing more solo shows. So it's just a question of, you know, where. It's not just philosophy. Philosophy is great. And personal development. Everyone's a personal development person today. I mean, it seems like if you go on YouTube or Instagram, everyone's posting shit about what they should do. And I would say, rather than post a quote, why not tell a story about how you brought the quote to life? You know, say I read this quote and then I started to live it and, you know, I did this one thing and oh my God. And suddenly I, you know, one of my favorite quotes is, you know, it's impossible to discover new oceans unless you first have the courage to lose sight of the shore. Right. So it's one of those quotes that register. Should I say again so people can hear it?

Yeah. Say it one more time.

So it's impossible to discover new oceans unless first you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. Now, I did sail across the Atlantic in a 45 foot sailboat, but that's not how I use this quote. It's my courage to let go of something here in order to find something here. And it's that it's the gap between what we know and what we don't know. That no man saying, oh, I should write. I'm getting goosebumps.

That's so fucking Good. Oh my God, so good.

But it's the no man's land in between. That's what we get scared of. Oh, my God. I get so many. Can you make sure I remember this? Because I'll forget all about this. I got a mind like a goldfish, people. I don't even know how to remember my name.

That's how you know it's gold when.

You don't remember it. Right? So, so, so here we are. We're holding on tightly to what we have and, and, and, and over there, outside of our. What we can see is something greater possibility. But to let go of what we have and to walk through that no man's land not knowing, we got to lose sight of. We got to lose sight of what we have in order to discover the. And that's where my courage comes in, is I am completely willing to let go of everything I have in order to discover what I can't possibly see. Like, you know, I think you saw that story on my Instagram where I was told my house was on fire because lightning had struck the tree in front of my house and my friend was on his boat. He said, dave, your house is completely consumed in place. Anyway, I was just sitting there thinking, and I ordered two tequilas and I just said, you know what? Cheers. The house has been great. You know, I had so many great memories there, and I was just willing to let it go. I thought, you know, if I go back and the whole thing's gone, so what? It's just the frickin house. Yeah, there's shit in that I like. But I also know that if everything I own disappeared, then I have nothing. I'm lied. I can go do whatever I want it to do. I mean, like, does this, you know, speaker in front of me or this chair, does it make me happy? No. Is it nice? Yeah. But if it was gone, I'm willing to walk across that no man's land. And I think that I can't remember your original question now. What was the question?

It doesn't matter because this is great. So.

Right, right. So you forgot it too. I know what happened.

Yeah, I totally did.

So. So this is that, that, that. That piece that we all want to, you know, want to think about and, you know, if we believe again, whether you have fai that there's, you know, you're going somewhere next or you don't, because some of you don't have that faith. But whether you do or not, you're still here for a finite piece of time. And I Believe it's our destiny to figure out our greatest self is to become as courageous as we can to cry all of our tears, to love with all of our heart. It's not to get hurt and shrink and hold back and pretend. Because that's why I think so many people are unhappy, is because they haven't tasted the suckiness, taste of absolute freedom. And freedom is that you're not imprisoned by the limitation of other people around you or the desire. God, I'm rabbling. But the desire, oh, keep going.

It's so good.

But the desire to be liked. This is the big crazy thing. And I'll give you an example. I mean, I love. I just did a show on conflict, and I love conflict.

Same.

And it's one of my big things is Because I know on the other side of conflict is something so sweet and so great. And one of my oldest friends just texted me. She's really pissed off with me right now because I missed her son's graduation, right? And she's really upset. She has a lot of. But I realized that she wants to get this off her chest. And there's a part of me that I know that I, you know, I know this is coming, but I know what's on the other side of it. I know the conversation I want to have with her about this, but doesn't matter. What matters is I'm not afraid of the conflict. And she even texted at me when she told me why she was upset. I said, you know, I really love airing. Because she said, I need to ask grievances. I said, I love a good airing. And she wrote onto me, who does that? You're weird. And I'm like, yeah, I'm weird, but let's get this shit out in the open. So you can let. Because I haven't been holding on to it. She's holding onto it. I'm. I was oblivious to the fact that I missed her son's graduation, right? But I know that once she gets off her chest and I tell her my perspective, which is why you pick up the fridge, phone and tell me, you know, you could have just. You were friends, you say, dave, you've missed Jack's. Why don't you just. I always say, okay, sorry, thanks. You know, But I completely forget because I live in the moment. So anyway, so I think that, you know, whatever we're going with this. Each one of you right now is just look in the mirror and ask yourself some questions, you know, about truth. What is truth? What does it mean to you to Be truthful. And are you truthful on all occasions to all, all people? Which means if someone says, they come up to you and say, hey, would you like to come for dinner tomorrow? And you say, you could just say, no, thanks. It seems ridiculous because normally what we have to do is we have to say, oh, I've got this thing.

We're preconditioned to lie to people to make them feel better, as opposed to, no, thanks. That's not going to work with no explanation.

Exactly.

It seems ridiculous in our world to be able to say to someone, no, thank you. It's like we know. We rather attach the lie to it so they feel better, really. And you know what they're thinking. As soon as we're incongruent, what happens is if you understand how the brain works, the subconscious mind they have is going to pick up that you're lying to them. They may not be able to articulate it, but they have this deep sense. They say, no, this guy's bullshitting me. Because that's. The subconscious mind will pick up when we're telling. When we're disingenuous. Other people's subconscious mind picks it up and they get this feeling. And that's why people don't trust you. If you want to be trustworthy, then trustworthy people are people that will tell you the truth. And they'll do it in a way, I would say, in a compassionate way. I think I told you this story before. Like, I have a friend. This happened twice to me with two different women who had terrible bo. I mean, the worst freaking bo. And at the end of my event, I would avoid her because when I hugged her, I could smell. You know me, I always smell since I was little. I always smell like super. And I wear aftershave. But I love. I love the smell of cleanliness. And I could smell this beer on me like an hour later on my shirt. Anyway, so I phoned her up one day and I said, hey. And I hope she's listening to this because, I mean, I would love her to be out of. I love one day that she tells this story when I'm there so I can hear her tell it. But I said, hey, are you feeling great today? She said, yeah. I said, there's something I want to talk. And I had to do it on the phone. She doesn't live in my city. I said, there's something I want to tell you because it's been bugging me and I haven't had the courage yet to. To tell you, but I Want you to be in a really great mood and know. And I always leave with intention. I know my intention is this. What I want to share with you is getting in the way of our friendship and getting in the way of our hugs. And I want to have a deeper friendship and I want to have more hugs with you. So if you're open to the conversation right now and you're feeling ready for it, would this work? So I always explore, lead with intention. Explore timing. Right? You get. I'm talking about timing. How's your time?

Oh, we're good. Just so good.

Anyway, so she said, yeah, no, it's fine. I said, are you sure? She said, yeah, okay. And this is how I did it. I said, and I know that she's very earthy. I said, yeah, wait, let me say, you know, these kind of, you know, health food stores and natural food stores. She said, yeah. I said, you know, they sell like modern deodorants and rocks and different things that kind of, you know, help us. She said, oh, yeah, yeah, organic. I said, yeah, yeah. I said, you know that they don't always work, right? This is how I set it up. And she said, what do you mean? I said, look, I'm going to be really frank with you. I said, you, when you're using these things, they're not working. And at the end of events, when you come up to me, I don't want to hug you because, you know, it's so bad. And I don't know if you know, but I want you to know. And the reason I'm telling you is because I want to have more hugs with you. Anyway, we finished the conversation. Next time she came to an event, she walked up to me at the end with both arms up in the air like this. And she was like, she. She was goading me to sniff under her arms. And then we had this great big Gracie. The best. I've had those two conversations with two different women. And it's like, why? Because I'm not gonna think shit and not tell someone. I'm gonna figure out a way to tell them the truth because. And I think she feels better. And I think totally all the people that were scared to tell her are now like, oh, my God, she smells so good. As opposed to, woo hoo. Run, run, she's coming.

Oh, my gosh, you guys. To go get the Uncle Unfiltered Most Loving truth. Go to YouTube and go find my Extra Mile with David T.S. wood. Go follow him on Instagram. Seriously, the best storyteller. I love your stories, and I'm never surprised by any of them. They're amazing. I love you so much. You are such a dear, dear friend, and I'm so grateful that you just blessed so many people just now. But your friendship in my life is one of my favorite things.

So thank you for being here. Thank you so much. I appreciate you and I love the work you're doing. And let's hang out. Let's hang out soon. And also, anytime you want me back 100%, I'm always here.

Oh, we'll definitely have to do a.

Follow up on we gotta do the bedroom conversation.

You know what? I will let you do that conversation with me. Probably nobody else but you could pull that off. We'll do that. All right, you guys, if you love this episode, please screenshot it. Share us. Tag both both me and David T. S Wood at Instagram or on Facebook or wherever you choose to share it. I know that somebody needed to hear this today, so spread the love. David, I love you.

Love you too.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it. And tag me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to itunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram tracyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front lines of your life and do the work. Let's become bulletproof.