96: Using the Enneagram to keep you from letting everything take you off course

Welcome to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'.

Malley. I'm a mom to millennials, an author.

Enneagram expert and multi million dollar entrepreneur.

And master performance and business coach. I've gone from rock bottom to building.

A bulletproof business and life. If you're looking for the unfiltered transparent truth and even an extra kick in.

The ass, you will discover that here.

Each week, I'll be bringing you success stories of high level entrepreneurs as we discover how they became bulletproof and created their empire. You'll learn the story behind the glory along with Enneagram inspired truths so you can ignite your own purpose, profits and build your legacy. It's time for you to become bulletproof.

Buckle up, let's go.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. Have you ever started your day or your week and you're like, I'm gonna keep my shit together. Nothing is gonna bother me. I'm gonna even do some yoga, I'm gonna meditate, I'm going to do all these things, I'm going to say affirmations, I'm going to journal. I'm going to do all these things and the next thing you know is somebody comes along and pisses you off or something happens in your day and the next thing you know, you're losing your shit all over everybody. Right? I get it. I used to be probably the most reactionary person in the world. Like, you want to light my fire? Just piss me off. And we were off to the races. And there are two types of people in the world, honestly, that you can be. There are the thermostats and there are the thermometers. And for the longest time, I operated as a thermometer. So if you think about a thermometer, they that that temperature change or the. The reading on the thermometer changes based on the temperature or the environment, right? And if you think about yourself, are you letting outside influences dictate what your thermometer says? And the thing about the thermostat, you know, I live here in Arizona where it's hot as hell. Even right now, we're in the middle of October when I'm recording this and it's still like 100 degrees. But in my house, I set my thermostat for a cool 75. And no matter how hot the desert gets outside.

It'S crazy how hot it gets. But inside my house, it stays a cool 75. And so the goal for you is to become a thermostat and and not a thermometer. Thermostats don't let the circumstances control their outcome, you know, because there's going to be days where life steps right in your face. Murphy's Law is making an example out of you for sure. It happens all the time. So regardless of your circumstances, you can stay driven. Regardless of being faced with hard situations, you can stay confident. If you walk into a room and it's cold, you're heat. You can heat it up, which is what I like to do. When it's raining outside, you're still running your three miles. If you lose your job, you still see your dream. Ultimately, all of this is on you. If 2020 has taught us anything, it's that life can change on the drop of a dime. Things that are completely out of our control. And 2020 has taught us that it's not discriminatory either. Like, this is hitting all of us in a different way. You know, that's. The thermostat is no matter what happens, you know, you're just. You're cool and steady and that's. I've worked really hard to get there. And to be honest, the Enneagram has really, really helped me do that. And I'll get into that in a minute. So then there are people like the thermometers, where you let your circumstances control your reality. You walk into a room with people who want you to fail. So you accept that you're going to fail. Your car breaks down, so you can't get to the gym and train, or you can't get to the library to study, or you can't get to work. And you use those as excuses of why you're going to fail. You walk into a cold room and you sit there and freeze instead of turning it up. Your circumstances are controlling your reality. And I'm one of those people that, you know, I will listen to venting and I, you know, I've had some shitty things happen. And however, no matter how shitty a circumstance gets, we always have control of some sort of solution. Does it look exactly how we want? No. If you think you're down on your luck and you can't catch a break, that's on you too. Like, there's always something that you can do to work towards a solution. And that's what thermostats do. Right.

One of the things that I do pride myself on, and I've worked really, really hard, you know, because I'm an 8 on the enneagram, and so I can be very reactionary. Typically, it's my tendency. I'm more wired that way, especially when I'm unhealthy. However, to become the healthiest version of the challenger, I have to really be present with myself to recognize and set my thermostat. Like no matter what comes my way, it's still may hurt. You know, you guys have heard me talk about becoming bulletproof. Doesn't mean that we don't feel things and things don't get hard and we don't get knocked on our ass from time to time, because we will. But how are we going to handle it when we're faced with that? What are we going to. How are we going to handle it when we do take a bullet to the chest, whether it's right in our heart space? I mean, I've taken many bullets in my heart the last year. It's been so hard. But how we handle it and how we set the tone is everything. And how can we use the Enneagram to do that? Well, being an 8, I recognize that usually my temperature will rise like a thermometer when I feel like my vulnerability is going to be risked. Right? So as an 8, you know, I put things in the category of weak or strong. Weak or strong. I. Every situation, every form of communication I do, is this weak or is this strong? When I'm in front of somebody, do I put them in a category? Not so much anymore. But I am taking an assessment of what's in front of me. Is it weak or strong? Weak or strong. And so when I can feel my nervous system kind of get heated, my heart start to race or my temperature rise, which I think that must be an eight thing. We just get really hot. It's an indicator that maybe I need to kind of check my thermostat and what's really happening right now, that's how you stay at a thermostat level and not the thermometer. You know, if I just let my blood boil or my heart race, Lord knows there's going to be some kind of volcanic eruption later because that can be contained if I don't know what's happening. So using the Enneagram and knowing the levels of health of your type becomes really, really important. I've told you before, the Enneagram is just a tool. It is a compass. And when you are typed properly, which you know, you know how I feel about that. When you're typed properly, you have your own little roadmap of an indicator. It's not the end all, be all, but it is a very good.

Kind of indicator of when things are about to go sideways for you. So for me, when I feel my anger rise. Because as an eight, that's really there a lot.

Having the ability to pause for a second or a pattern interrupt and ask myself, okay, what's this really about? Where am I feeling vulnerable right now? Whether it's like, I'm going to have to ask for help, because that's a big one for an eight, or I'm going to have to lay down a boundary, which, you know, as an 8, I should be able to fucking handle everything, right? But laying a boundary in the past felt weak to me. Or actually that's the strength, and that's how I remain a therm. Thermostat, right?

So using the Enneagram and knowing your type and knowing where you go under stress and what those indicators are, it's one thing to just know it. But, you know, you've heard me say this before. Information doesn't equal transformation. It's how we integrate this. Right? So I know all the indicators of an eight under stress. Under stress, I know the indicators of the closest people in my life, what that looks like under stress. So I'll give you an example. My closest friends are a three, a two, and a six. My kids are a two and a seven. And those five people, I really spend the most time talking to. And with all those, there's four different types among those five people. I know what that looks like under stress for all of them. So when I can recognize that to keep them at a thermostat level and not letting their thermometer go out of craziness, I can ask questions that keep them steady. Right. I'm not minimizing any of their feelings. I'm not taking it personal when it feels disrespectful. Because there was a time in a. In my past where those numbers under stress would feel completely disrespectful, or I would have judged them as weak. Right? But knowing what I know about the Enneagram, I can recognize that. And most of the things that are happening to us and around us and the things that are said to us and around us are not personal. It feels personal, not gonna lie. It does feel personal. When, for me, when I feel super vulnerable or that somebody's not hearing me or I've asked for what I needed, which is so fucking hard for me to do as an eight, and it's not being honored, it feels very personal. But understanding whoever's on the receiving other end of that.

Might be under stress. And to look for key indicators. And that's how the Enneagram can really help you remain the thermostat. So that you, you know, you can control your environment.

You can't control what happens in it all the time, but you can, you can control how you feel in any environment.

And that's why I know when I choose, I'm very choosy about where I go and what I say yes to so that I can remain a constant thermostat. It doesn't mean that, you know, it doesn't fluctuate a degree or two from time to time, but it's just an indicator that, okay, there's something here, There is something here. And it is an opportunity for me to grow. Right? Because one of the things I have heard Tony Robin say, if you are not growing, you are dying. So if you are at a constant thermostat, how do you ever grow? Well, even the thermostat can just a tiny degree, but a tiny degree is not going to blow your whole life up. One tiny degree isn't going to wreck your relationships. I mean, it's what you do with that one degree and how you use it for the greatest good. And whether it's communication, whether it's your work ethic, whether it's your time blocking, whether it's your time management, whether it's, you know, self honoring your body and doing the things that you need to be doing right? Using the Enneagram and the key indicators for your type and the types of those that you lead or love or parent will really allow you to be steady regardless of what happens. Regardless of what happens. 2020 has thrown probably the ultimate curveball for every human being that I know. Like I said, it doesn't discriminate. And you know, I'm not saying this to be cocky or anything because it's been hard for me too. However, I haven't wavered very, very much at all. I've had a day or two that weren't so amazing, but I haven't wavered too much in how I handle or tackle the day or how I handle or tackle each other, even hard conversations or how I handle or tackle hard decisions that I've had to make and things like that. Because I've become really self aware. And using the Enneagram helps you do that. Not just of myself, but the key people in my life. There have been moments where I could feel myself really taking things personal. And even though it isn't, it still feels it and we still have to honor that too, because we're human beings. Just because we know the Enneagram doesn't mean nothing's ever going to hurt or that we aren't going to lose our shit from time to time. Because you know what? We're freaking human beings and we have self will. But knowing the tools and really using it the right way can allow you to course correct pretty quickly and keep the main thing what it is. And not going off on a tangent and throwing digs and hitting people below the belt or blowing up your life just to kind of like propel forward, because Lord knows I did that a number of times. And if you really want to have a tool like the Enneagram to use in your personal growth, in the growth of the people that you lead or love or parent, I would love to help you do that. I would love to help you do that. I've been doing typing sessions. I've done a couple hundred this year already, which is amazing because when you have your type properly, then you're dealing with your right roadmap for your soul contract, right? And kind of your indicators and so many of you are typed incorrectly or you took an online test and it's like, boom, that's what I am. And that's 65 to 70% of the time it's not accurate. And I know just like with anything, having a guide help you get to the correct answer will speed up the process. And somebody like me who doesn't just give information because, you know, I say information doesn't equal transformation. I'm going to probably say that in every single damn podcast that I do because it's so important. There's so much information out there about the Enneagram, but very few people can show you actually how to integrate it and really use it for something so powerful and for good, and fill your life in integrity in your relationships and your leadership like I can. And so if that's something you want to explore, please go to Tracey O' Malley.com, the work with Me section. At least now through the end of the year, I will continue doing that.

I can take you through the experience as well, which shows you the ins and outs of your Enneagram type and how that applies in real time in your life and in your businesses and in your relationships and in your parenting. I help many families, too.

But having a guide take you there, it's pretty powerful how fast you can move the needle and set your thermostat and stay there.

You know, I've raised. I'm raising kids I don't think we ever stop raising kids. They're in their 20s now.

You know, and 20 year old 20 somethings have different kinds of conversations and struggles and obstacles that they're faced with. And that brings a different level of conversation. And I'm speaking to them as adults and not always just as mom. And you know, being able to remain a thermostat even though inside I'm like, oh shit, this is going to be a hard conversation or I'm going to have to let them fall on their face and not take it personal or they're not going to take my advice. And you know, all the things. To remain a thermostat in parenting is probably the biggest reason why my kids feel safe talking to me about everything and anything and that I'm their first go to for most conversations and not because I enable it or anything, but because I'm steady. And that's where people can find trust and credibility is when you're steady. So if you want to be a steady person in your leadership and a steady person in your parenting and in your relationships, then it's going to be important for you to remain that thermostat. It's powerful. I would love to help you get there and stay there and adjust it accordingly. Also, there's going to be a change to this podcast probably around the first of the year where instead of like the, the interviews that I've been doing, I'm going to be doing live enneagram coaching on air and it's going to be amazing. There's going to be like a application process and you know, I will definitely require that we're typed properly first. So stay tuned for more information on that. I would love to hear what you would love to hear on this podcast as far as information about the enneagram and even integration about the Enneagram. You can hit me up on my DMS on Instagram Tracey Underscore omalley and if you love this episode, please screen shot, share it. Let me know what you what you loved about it, what you didn't like about it, what you want more of.

I love helping people use this tool because it doesn't have to be as hard as we've made it. And if you're an old person like me with almost 50 years under their belt, you know, to try and tackle some of this stuff we have to unpack can can seem overwhelming. But the enneagram makes all of this a lot easier. It helps us connect the dots to and put some of these puzzle pieces that really didn't seem to make sense make a whole hell of a lot of sense. And you're able to look back instead of with guilt or shame, but with compassion and love. And when we have compassion and love for ourselves, we're able to give it to other people. And that's what this world needs more than anything. It's what business needs. It's what parenting needs. It's what leadership and love needs. So let's do more of that until next time. Here's to Becoming Bulletproof.

Thank you for tuning in to the Becoming Bulletproof podcast. If you learned a thing or two from our show today, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it and tagged me so I can hear exactly what landed on your heart. This will help me to bring you even more episodes with the topics and guests you want. Please head over to I iTunes and leave an honest and loving five star review. If this made an impact on you, you can find me on Instagram at traceyomalley and I have tons of free resources for you@traceeomalley.com as always, if you are wanting to ignite your purpose, profits and build your legacy, it's time to stand on the front line of your life and do the work.

Let's Become Bulletproof Race.