EP157: What Happens When Each Enneagram Type Gets Stuck and How to Bust Out of It

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance Coach and mom to Millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

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All right. I would say the number one thing that I hear in my DMs in my emails on every one on one coaching application that I receive is that I am stuck and I don't know how to get out of it. And it's crazy because it sneaks up on you. And the next thing you know, it's like, I. I don't even know what to do. And I want you to know I'm not immune to this. We're human beings, and I think that there's such a negative connotation on being stuck. It's not fun because it's usually a huge opportunity to grow. It's a huge opportunity to get out of our comfort zone, to change things up. That's not the most fun thing to do while we're in it, right? On the other side of it, however, we're like, oh, boy, that was worth it. I'm sure if you were looking at your life and analyzing where things changed, even though you might have gone down kicking and screaming like yours truly, when you get removed from it and you're on the other side of it, you realize when you connect the dots that it all had to happen that way. So some of the things that I hear is, I've hit a plateau. Whether it's in health or business or you're just not feeling inspired, you are writing content or doing videos or coming up with new ideas, and you get to the computer or to the pad of paper, or if you're like me, this new remarkable tablet, which I love, you got nothing. Or maybe you're trying to make a pivot in your career, or you've been at something for quite a while, this online space, network marketing. Maybe you were like me and had 15 years in the same career and hit 40 years old. And you're like, what the hell am I doing? What the hell am I doing? And you're wondering if this in air quotes is for you. And I don't recommend this. However, this is what I did. I burned it all down and I started over. I don't recommend that. I really, really don't. Now, if you are like me and you operate best when your back's up against the wall, that's kind of what forced me to do some things. But it takes a lot of things out, Things you care about, things you love. It hurts people along the way. So I don't recommend that. But you might be there and just know, I don't judge you, not even a little bit. Sometimes that's what it takes. And sometimes we don't get it till we get it right. So congratulations, you're stuck. So if you're in your car if you're in the shower, if you're laying in bed, if you're running on the canal like I do here in Arizona, I want you to take a big deep breath right now.

Because I'm with you. I'm with you. I have had different ebbs and flows of what feeling stuck looks like. And those big deep breaths are really helpful. It kind of grounds us back into the present and in your body and keeps you out of the future, which is what anxiety is, and keeps you out of the past, which is where shame lives. And just being in the present moment and really in tune with your mind, body and soul can help you figure out how to get unstuck. Now, I want to talk to you about what this relates to you in regards to your Enneagram type. Because sometimes we got to slow down to speed up. And here's some ways to recognize your self is stuck. I'm going to give you a disclaimer, though. This is not permission to pull out the whipping stick, to go down, you know, the shame spiral, to even, you know, pump your chest and say, well, too bad. This is just the way that I am. Deal with it. That's not going to serve you. Trust me, I've tried that. I've tried all those things. And I know that you want to be effective, not necessarily stubborn and right, because it's not going to get you anywhere. It's going to rob you of support, it's going to rob you of a lot of money. It's going to rob you of time, which you cannot get back. So I'm going to break down the nine Enneagram types and here are some ways to recognize your Enneagram type and how you may have the red flags. Like, oh, oh, there it is. And by red flags, I mean compassionate warning signs like, hey, lady. Hey, sir. We are in crisis. We are in crisis. And let me tell you, it's sneaky. It's sneaky. A lot of times I don't even realize when I am stuck. And I have found myself a couple times the last few weeks feeling what I'm about to tell you about the enneagram.

8.

Thank goodness I understand the framework of the Enneagram a little bit because I don't have to stay in that mucky stuck for too too long, and neither do you. Now, I want to say something else. A lot of times there is a payoff when we stay stuck and we use that word and we just keep saying it, but we're not doing anything about it, you know, nothing Changes. If nothing changes, however, there's always a payoff for some of our behavior, even the behavior that frustrates the crap out of us. Right? You know, so one of the things that I know that I do totally subconsciously sometimes is throw walls up and isolate and energetically disengage and cut people off. I don't even recognize it right away sometimes, but I'm very quick at catching myself. And you know, when I say there's a payoff, there is something I do get out of that I stay safe and nobody can hurt me and I can't be betrayed, violated, or put in a vulnerable position. Now you might be thinking, why is that so bad? Because it robs me of joy, fulfillment, the juicy parts of life, abundance, support, collaboration, you name it, laughter. All the good things that are in life come with kind of stretching ourselves and being vulnerable. So I'm going to go through the nine types. We're going to start with Enneagram Type one, the reformer, the improver, sometimes known as the perfectionist. I don't like that one. But you know, if the shoe fits, I guess. One way that a type one can recognize or if you love or lead or parent a type one to recognize when they're stuck so that you can not just tell them they're stuck, but also, you know, gently guide them out of it. When a one's inner critic has pulled out the megaphone and it becomes so deafening, so much towards yourself. And the thing is, is like a lot of times when you are dealing with a type one, you don't even know that they're doing that to themselves. They keep it very much to themselves and polished up and put together. But how you know that their megaphone on themselves is out is when they start projecting their criticism onto people. I coach a lot of ones and I can tell when they're in a. In a stuckness and they feel like they have no control of their life. Guess who gets a lot of it? Yep. Me. Me, believe it or not. And thankfully in the past I would have completely annihilated them because that's where my eightness goes. But I can recognize that they're stuck. They feel out of control and that's what's happening. And so I can kind of help guide them through that. If you are a type 2, the helper, the compassionate helper, how you can recognize you're feeling stuck even if you don't even know it, is self neglect. You become a yes machine. Like you start saying yes to anything and everything. You start Scrolling your phone, seeing like where you can get that hit of being helpful. But what happens is, is when you become that yes machine, the resentment also kicks in because you have these expectations that it will be reciprocated or that somebody else might recognize that you're stuck. And you do this a lot of times being a yes machine du avoid your own inner shame about maybe not being or having what you want in your life. And so this is kind of a way that you disassociate. I see it happen all the time. And then you become resentful because nobody's throwing you the life jacket, right? And I'll give you tips at the end of this on how to kind of pull out of this too. For my type threes, my achievers, my competitive achievers, when you're stuck, for most of us watching an Enneagram 3. So if you lead, love or parent one, when they kick it into overdrive like a bulldozer, that is when they're stuck. And you would think like, well, that doesn't sound very stuck to me. Well, that's how they keep from feeling shame. It's how they find they're always like seeking that high of like, okay, my worth is tied into this. My worth is tied into this. They overdo everything. They, they overdo work, they over schedule, they overdo, they over commit and eventually burnout happens. And like I said, they're like a bulldozer through all their relationships and through their own body. And a lot of a three's body will break down. And so this is a warning sign for you threes out there that, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, gotta slow my roll a little bit. And if you love a three, if you try to slow them down, they might bite your head off. But it's something to keep an eye on for those that you love and lead. For my type fours, my individualists, otherwise known as the romantics, comparisonitis and envy spike way up. They start to build stories about all the things that are wrong with themselves. They isolate with those feelings. The more the social fours, which is the subtype, the social or the one on one fours kind of will outwardly do this sometimes and they can be a little dramatic. They start the woe is me kind of things. But the self preservation fours, like they look very different than the other fours. They internalize all of it and isolate ghost people, sabotage. They're always kind of looking for the next best thing and they start screwing up relationships and their own abundance. So if you aren't a four, it's really hard to know what to do with that sometimes because it seems all over the place. And four or four, they just want to feel like they're understood a lot of times. And they are one of the most misunderstood on the Enneagram. So when you are a four or you love or lead a four, parent of four, when you start to see them go into envy or comparisonitis, it's time to kind of compassionately hold space for them. My Enneagram fives, my investigators, the most introverted on the Enneagram. And when they feel stuck, a lot of times they're feeling like they're going to be even more incapable or unequipped to do something. So what they do is they go into research mode even more. And they go down that black hole of Google. They end up with strict non negotiable boundaries. They become super, super rigid. They will hoard all resources and all energy. Their brain is kick into overdrive. You won't even recognize it because they're so stone cold. Sometimes when they get like this or you don't even see them because they completely ghost everybody and they fall off the face of the earth. Like you won't see them on social media, you won't see them out and about. And that's the way they like it. That's how you know a five is feeling stuck. Type sixes, my loyal skeptics, how you feel stuck. You know, I'm very close with a six in my life. And when a six is feeling like they are losing control or, or they're gonna be trapped in a situation or whatever worst case scenario is gonna happen, they run the gamut of millions of scenarios and they're paralyzed by perceived limitations. Or they can kick it into the unhealthy kind of three to prove that they aren't afraid. But meanwhile, inside they are losing their ever loving mind. And what happens is them running through millions and millions of scenarios actually keep them more paralyzed and more stuck. And then that rat even more. And that's when the anxiety really, really kicks in. My Enneagram sevens, the enthusiasts, the visionaries, their biggest fear is feeling trapped or stuck in pain. And so feeling stuck to a seven feels like death. So they will continuously like bounce from next shiny thing to next shiny thing. They resemble Tigger when they're like this like boing, boing, boing, like all over the place. They do this to prevent looking back, you know, and they get sucked into the vice that is the seven of gluttony. Like more is better, more is better. And they. They start chasing it down. And, you know, the thing is, is they actually end up feeling more stuck because there's nothing to any of what they're doing. They're just like, chasing, chasing or running basically, to the next thing to try and avoid being trapped. But it actually imprisons them even more when they do this. All right, my fellow eight challengers. Oh, I have been through the gamut of this the last few weeks, for sure. You know, I've had lots of things in my life going on personally, professionally. And when an 8 feels like they're going to be betrayed, violated, harmed, or they're going to be put in a vulnerable situation, when an 8 doesn't feel like they have control, they get really angry at themselves for not being able to just power through. That's why they express a lot of anger. That's why they can be very explosive and domineering to almost prove that they can get through it by powering through. It's usually just a cover. And I've said this before, that anger is the bodyguard to sadness. And an 8 does not want to feel sadness. And so we just kind of try to power through. My best friend laughs at me. She goes, when you are doing nothing in air quotes on a day, there's usually a list of 10 different things. She's like, you've run a marathon. You recorded 18 podcasts. And so that's kind of how an eight tries to feel unstuck, but it actually, again, paralyzes them more and imprisons them more. Eights also put up more exterior walls and show the world that they're fine, I got this, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. Or, you know, and I've done this too, over the last few weeks, is going to the Five cave, which is where an eight goes when they're pushed to the brink. And isolating have been called on that over the last few weeks, too. And lastly, the nines, the peacemakers, when they feel stuck, they just absolutely numb out and go on autopilot. They disengage emotionally. You know, this is how they protect themselves, and this is how they prevent themselves from being controlled by not giving a shit about much. It is so subconscious for them. Sometimes they don't even realize they do it. This is kind of their protective mechanism, but they also move through life kind of like a pinball with no sense of direction. And so. And just like all of these things that we think are keeping us from being stuck, they actually imprison us more. So what are some tips to do. Whether you're 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9 on the enneagram, these are five things that I really encourage all the Enneagram types to lean into. Some might be easier for some than others. I have to use all five of these today. One of them is probably real natural. Two of them are natural to me. The other three, I have to really be mindful and intentional on it, because that aid in me really just wants to power through shit. And sometimes slowing down is the key to getting unstuck. You would think that powering through or moving fast would get you unstuck, but more often than not, it's the slowing down and getting into the present and into your body. Your body is your greatest indicator of being present, and your body will lead the way out of being unstuck. The body never lies. The body is very aware before our heart, before our brain, and even before our instinct. Our body can feel things long before we have any consciousness of it. And so the more in tune you can get with your body, the less chance you have of feeling really stuck. Now you're human, it's going to happen. And especially when you are making big moves in your life to grow, to leave one chapter behind, to turn the page. It's just like the ocean. We're going to face the waves. And sometimes those waves are calm and relaxing, and other times they come up and sneak up on you and pull you under. And that's kind of what life is. And so the more that you can learn and build the muscles to prepare yourself, to learn how to ride whatever waves come, the less chance you will have of getting stuck for too long. All right, so first tip in what I absolutely require myself and anybody that I work with to do is movement. Getting the stuck, energy moving through your body. If you're familiar at all with energy chakras, anything like that, stagnant energy will cause disease physically in your health, it'll cause disease in your spirit. And the best way to get unstuck and to dislodge that energy is with some movement, for sure. If you're feeling sad, sad energy, a slow walk. Water is really, really good. Whether it's just kind of walking in water, floating on water. That's why I paddle, board, and kayak a lot. Sometimes it's just sitting in the pool with my dogs. Honestly, it's very healing or just kind of waiting in the water. But something that really honors the emotion because you can't just push through it. You have to kind of feel your way through it. And the water really helps. That or walking now if you're angry. I do this a lot. I get out the boxing gloves, I will sprint the canal. Or I have out here in Arizona. I give this homework a lot. Get a pool noodle. They're like two bucks. Cut it in half and just hit anything that you can. It's low impact on the body and it makes a really loud freaking noise. And holy moly, does it really help you move that anger through and out of you. You gotta feel it. Some of you really are afraid of anger. That is not my thing. I love anger. I love it. Feels very productive and like, it moves the needle. I don't like the sad parts. So either way, being in tune, like, what am I feeling? Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling angry? What is it that I'm feeling? And then move accordingly. Number two is brain dumping. I have a journal that has nothing. There's no rhyme or reason. I just scribble anything that's in my head out. Get it out of your body. And I highly recommend you not do this with a typing, like a computer or a laptop or your phone notes. Seriously. There's something so powerful about it coming from your brain, through your body. Again, this is the body. And from the pen or pencil, marker, crayon, I don't give a shit what it is. Scribbling. Get it out of you onto paper. It's very powerful energy, movement. When you have something in your hand and out, it's like very symbolic, like out of your body. Number three, I want you to get outside with no electronics. I know a lot of you multitask. I do too, sometimes. But usually the first half of my outdoor time is disconnected from all electronics. My cell phone is put away. There's no calls, there's no texting, there's no Instagramming. There's nothing. It's me, nature, the breeze, the sunshine, the grass, the pavement, whatever it is getting in tune with. Like before, there was all this shit to distract us. What is this really about? And I know without question, if my time on earth was called tomorrow, I'd want to be out in nature and where all this beauty has been created. There's something about perspective that shifts when you get outside with no distraction. Number four, this was probably the hardest one for me to do, is lean in to my inner circle. I would say for a good chunk of my life, I had people that were in my life. But if I'm being really honest, I had so many walls up, nobody could get close and it really wasn't until about four years ago when I was kind of faced with, you know, my own mortality, that I had this phone filled with contacts and people that really did love me and want to support me. But because of the wal I had put up, I had put myself in a self inflicted prison. And I didn't know how to lean in, in real time and say, I need you. And so for the last four years, I have diligently, painfully worked very, very hard at this. And I have six people on my inner circle. Six people that I would at any moment say, I am in crisis, in real time, I need you. And two of them I birthed. So that tells you I have four people other than my two kids. But I definitely lean into those four people. They're part of my everyday. And after doing this the last four years, last week, in fact, a lot of them were unavailable. And I felt it. I felt it and I had so much compassion for myself to recognize that for about 45 years I went without any of that. And no wonder I felt so stuck all the time. So find your inner circle. People that can actually hold space for you. Not be codependent, not keep you stuck, not do anything, but they can definitely hold space for you. I like to call it my best friend. We, we have this code word is like, I need you to back the truck up for me. And that's an inside thing. It's, it's very special. But lean into your inner circle in real time. Not once you've figured it out. Especially you eights and fives. It's really hard for us to do. And the last thing I always ask myself, even in the midst of just crazy, crazy crazy, is what is the best that can happen? What is the best that can happen if I just take a few steps forward that are uncomfortable, what is the best that can happen? And you'd be surprised what can happen now sounds easier said than done, and it's true. And if you need help with this, we are doing something very special. You heard at the beginning of this episode, my dear friend Tiffany Carter and I are putting together a program. If you are in business and need some strategy, she is the best strategist to in all the land. And it doesn't matter how much strategy you have, if you have roadblocks and, and you sabotage and you do all these other things that, you know, keep you stuck, then that's where I come in and we sandwich you between the two of us for six weeks live. Let's get down to business. You can get on our wait list. It's really the only way to guarantee your spot. We're taking a very small amount of people. You can find that at@projectmewithtiffani.com getdown waitlist if you want to just dive into the stuff that's holding you back, you know, it's sabotaging your relationships, you're having trouble with parenting, your health, you don't even know what to do in business. Maybe you're pivoting and you really just want to deep dive into this. Work one on one with me. I would be honored to take you on this journey. You have me for three whole months. Contact with me every single day. It's like the live phone, a friend card, but with somebody that gets it, who, who's blazed the trail before you, who knows every twist and turn that you will probably face and how to get out of it in real time so you don't sabotage or procrastinate or go back to the old things that don't serve you anymore that drive you crazy, you can go to my website@traceyomalley.com the work with me section and fill out a one on one application. Or if you don't even know what your enneagram type is and you want to nail it down, you can explore this on your own. But it's very challenging because those assessments online are are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. If you just want to get down to business with your enneagram type, you can do a live typing session with me. I have reopened my calendar for that. You can also go there@tracyomalley.com work with me section for that or just hit me up on instagram@tracyomalley.com I'm here to tell you you don't have to be stuck one more day. You don't. You know, like I said, there's a payoff for being stuck. I promise you that payoff isn't as good as the juicy parts that are waiting on the other side when we get through and find our way through what being stuck is. And you will actually learn to appreciate when you do get stuck. Because it is a beautiful opportunity to learn more about yourself, to grow to have more compassion for yourself and for others. And it is. It's time for you to be the next kind of leader for yourself so that you can lead whoever you're supposed to in this world, whether it's in your home or in your business, the way that you are always meant to do. I'll see you all next time.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.