EP158: Client Spotlight: Tricia—How an Enneagram 9 Can Use Their Voice and Step Into the Light

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance Coach and mom to Millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Two things are required for you to achieve the success you desire and deserve. A profitable business strategy that feels good to you and your ideal clients and a deep awareness and healing work around your money blocks and self sabotaging behaviors, thoughts and beliefs. The problem is 99% of you feel spun out, confused and frustrated because you don't have absolute clarity in your business or within yourself. You're constantly being inundated with information from the online gurus and the countless program courses and masterminds you may have attended. Although you may get a short term motivation bump, you end up remaining confused as ever without any major progress or profits in your business. That can end today. But it's up to you. I've put together a one of a kind program that you will not see anywhere else in the coaching industry. My best friend and top business coach Tiffany Carter and I have partnered up to bring you a six week live intensive program including both group and private coaching designed to get your mind and strategy clear so you can finally cash in on your vision. Think Mastermind with a one on one component. It's appropriately called let's get down to Business and we are only taking 25 people and spoiler alert, a few of those spots have already been swiped up in order to secure your spot. Plus the early bird pricing of $1,000 off, you must be on our VIP wait list. If you know you want in, secure your spot with a refundable deposit. If you want to risk not getting in, sign up for a regular wait list and be the first to hear when the cart does open. Go to projectmewithtiffany.com getdown waitlist. The link is also in my bio on Instagram. Let's get down to business together in 2021.

All right, all right. This is one of these episodes that you guys are loving and I am loving the feedback around client spotlights that really Just, you know, so many of you are into the Enneagram and you're loving the information and you hear me all the time. It's like, all right, we hear you, Tracy. Information doesn't equal transformation. And that's why I decided to bring you client spotlights so you can hear how integrating this information into their lives has changed lots of beautiful things for them. And I remember meeting this beautiful lady. Gosh, was it like two years ago? I can't even remember how we met. But her energy's like, delicious and just so calming, which is the holy grail of an enneagram 9, the adaptive peacemaker. And when you are around Trisha, you can feel like her non judgmental spirit, her easygoingness, but also her strength. And, you know, when nines aren't in a good place, they kind of fall asleep, sleep on themselves, which is unfortunate because they are at the top of the Enneagram. If you're looking at the Enneagram diagram, the nine sits at the very top. And so they have the ability to embody the rest of us. All eight of the other types, more than anybody. And I have even said this before, and I will stand by this, that if the divine Jesus, whatever you believe in, as a higher power, had an Enneagram type, it would be a nine for sure. Because of that nonjudgmental spirit, the wisdom, the Yoda like qualities, but also the ability to challenge people directly when they are at their best. My dear friend Tricia, we have a lot in common. We're about the same age. We've been single mamas for a very, very long time. We're very independent financially. We take care of things on our own. And when we met up, we were in a similar place in our life. We're like, okay, we clearly have prov that we know how to do this stuff on our own. But is this really the legacy we want to leave behind? Is this really how we want to go out of this world? And we were both like, hell no. So it was beautiful to work with her. It was probably over a course of almost a year we worked together and how, you know, we just got to catch up for a few minutes and to hear where her life has kind of pivoted since our work together. And for the Enneagram Nines out there, they are motivated by a need to be in harmony with the world. So they. That's why they get the name the Peacemaker. It doesn't necessarily mean they are a doormat at all, but they are all about keeping the peace and keeping harmony within their environment. And if they're not in a great place, this can create a lot of havoc and resentment in their hearts and sometimes they don't even realize it. But when they are at their best, they bring us all together. They really, really do. And they bring out the best in all of us. So Tricia, I'm really excited for people to experience my all time favorite Enneagram Nines.

Hi, excited to be here today. This is awesome.

So going back when we met, where were you at in your life that made you decide like, okay, I dig what she's throwing down and I kind of need to explore what this is because at our age, we're about the same age, I think, right? Aren't we the same age that like, we got a lot of history under our belt and so to kind of reframe things and recondition our old belief system can be quite the task at our age, almost 50. So what was it that made you decide this is what you wanted to do?

We're not 50 yet. Yes, close. Actually it was. I've been working with our mutual friend Tiffany Carter. Been a part of her posse for many, many months. That's where actually we initially met, was on one of her calls. And it's one of those things, you have to do the inner work first before you can help other people. Like you really have to really work on yourself before you can really dive in to your business, to your calling and what you need to do. And I knew, I knew that I had been stuffing, completely stuffing down my inner self. I had been stuffing feelings, I have been stuffing my direction. And I knew, I absolutely knew that I needed to do that inner work first before I was really going to go into my purpose and what God was leading me to do.

It's so funny that you say that. So when this is, when you guys are hearing this, actually it is exactly what you just said, that you know, you can have all this strategy and Tiffany is the best strategist I know in the world.

Yes.

And she has noticed this too. Like, I mean, she's a great strategist and she can give you all the goods and you can even exit the cute. But if you aren't right in yourself or if you're stuffing yourself or bypassing things, stuff you may not even be aware of, you're going to feel like you're just kicking the can down the street. The shit keeps catching up to you. And ironically, Tiffany and I are working on a program right currently now you can get on the wait list. We'll talk about that soon. For exactly what you just said. Bringing the work. And you know, I'm a business strategist too, but bringing this work and then her with her strategy and she's done enough of this inner work where we're bringing it together and sandwiching people.

Oh, that's me.

Gold.

That is gold.

It is.

Oh, wow.

At the same time, live. And also to get us privately too. It's because we do see that's missing. And you know, you're a very, very intelligent, smart, self sufficient, independent woman. And for you to say that speaks volumes to what many of you listening right now are needing. So you meet me on that call and you're like, okay, this is the girl that's going to take me there. Were you afraid? Were you afraid? I know there's a lot of people listening are afraid. Yeah.

To be called out. To absolutely be called out. Because literally I've spent my life giving the appearance. Giving the appearance that everything is perfect. Giving the appearance that I can handle everything. It's all been this appearance. And I knew flat out that you were going to call me out. And I knew to do that inner work, I was going to have to let you call me out, be vulnerable, go deep. Because without that, I was never going to go forward. I was never going to get my calling. I was literally going to be in that rat race hamster circle. I was never going to break free and get out of there if I did not do the work.

So as a professional woman. And you've been in finance most of your adult career, right?

Yeah, for 23 years I have been in accounting as a financial controller and in public accounting. So helping, being a head numbers are, as I call it, helping people with their numbers.

For over 23 years, I'm obsessed with numbers, so I love that. But I know there's a lot of people listening where the numbers and the independence might scare them. So they're probably listening to you and me right now. They're like, well, she doesn't get my life. But. But let's go back a little bit. It wasn't always just easy peasy for you. And even though you understand the numbers and are independent, there was something that wasn't maybe aligned for you or wasn't going the way that you would have liked it to. And one of the first questions I ask everyone when we jump on that first call is what do you believe isn't working in the way that you would love it to right now? And what Was that for you at the time?

For me at the time.

Literally just running the rapids of always being busy. I literally was ignoring everything in my life by being busy. Yes. I have been a professional woman for 23 years. However, I am also a single mother who has started over twice. I started over twice and again. And it takes two. There's a reason why, you know, those relationships didn't work out. You know, not allowing to open my heart, not allowing that person to come out and be vulnerable. I literally would close myself off and I would just work. I would non stop work, work, work. And I would literally stuff everything down, ignore it with my busy. I would just stay in the busy and ignore all those things that were actually happening in my heart. I just walled myself off. It was much easier to stay busy than it was to feel.

I think as women, you know, we are growing up, we are like the first generation of personal developers at our age. Like our parents before us absolutely weren't that example for us. So we're kind of like, we're kind of in that masculine energy and we're trying to be both. Right? Because we're the first generation of a lot of single moms. I mean, there are some that went before us, but we're like the first full, like that Gen X of like.

Well, it's okay, it's okay to be a single mom. It's not like a stigma. It's actually a normal thing. Like there's so many. When you say single mom, it's just, it's normal. It's not taboo. It's not, it's still isolating. It is, it's still, there's still shame associated with it. But it is much more of a normal thing now with the divorce rate so high and things like that, that it is, it's just one of those normal things. And we are definitely in a different time than our parents before us.

So as a pioneer, you and I both are pioneers in that single mom life. I know there's a lot of single parents. I have a lot of male listeners listening as well. That as that single parent and as that nine. Even though you're very independent and making things happen. And like you said, it does take two for relationships to break down when we don't have an emotional connection with people, even though you're married and all of that, and you obviously have an emotional connection and children with people. But that intimacy, right, real intimacy, is sharing our most vulnerable parts. And when you shut down on yourself, which a nine, this is a very slippery slope for the nine. Because you are such that. Looking for harmony in all the places you will shut down your own thoughts, feelings, emotions in order to keep the peace to the detriment of your personal relationships, right?

100%, absolutely.

As a mom though, too, I have found this too, because even though I'm an eight and you're nine, we kind of. We are motivated by this need for autonomy, right? And even as moms, we get into that mode where we can even so innocently and subconsciously almost alienate our own children too. Did you find that you had a missing gap in that, in this doing and providing, being both head of the household. Did you notice that there was a disconnect even with your kids? Because I know a lot of kids that are kind of facing that too.

Absolutely. And that was a big, big piece. When I was working with you and you called me out, you called me out in my. My need to be stoic, my need to lead the family, my need to do all the things. My need to work, work, work, work, work. My need to not feel to My need to not cry in front of my children. But that's what my boys were learning, my two sons were learning from me, that it's not okay to cry, that it's not okay to feel that this is. This is normal, this busyness and always working till 3 o', clock, 4 o' clock in the morning, that was normal. But it's not. And that was my. One of my aha moments when you called me out of, wait a second. This is what you're teaching your kids? This is the complete disconnect that I had with wait a second, I am, I'm not teaching my children. It's okay to feel, it's okay to cry, it's okay to be vulnerable in front of other people. And that was my big thing, is not allowing myself to be vulnerable because I was taking care of everybody else.

And that's what. When we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable in real time, not just after we've figured it out on our own, we block the ability to have intimacy on any level with anyone, including our own children. And, you know, for those of you that are listening to her and you're like, shit, I don't want to talk to Church Tracy. She's gonna call my shit out. Like, I want you to know that the only reason I can call it out is cause if you spot it, you got it. Like, I have gone before. And all the things that I'm able to call out is cause I Wrote the frickin book on it. Like not something I'm proud of. You know, I think as parents, especially all of you listening, think we need to keep the image up. Cause we don't want our kids to see us in pain or have heartbreak. But what we do, and I had to learn this the hard way also with my own kids was, you know, they're going to feel things that are hard in life whether we try to protect them or not. And if we aren't role modeling how it looks to navigate hard things, they're going to think something's wrong with them and they're going to be anxious, they're going to have low confidence, they're going to act out, they may lean into things and people, places and things that aren't good for them in order to feel something. And when I started showing my kids like this is hard and it hurts and this is how we're gonna pick ourselves up and move forward, their emotional intelligence went through the roof as well. And I know that that's what's happening in your home too, right?

Oh, absolutely. I could tell the biggest difference with my youngest, my youngest is nine now. And I could definitely tell a huge difference. Cause I could see him shutting off, walking away with his feelings whenever he'd get upset. And to see him slowly come out and start to talk about his feelings and allow himself to, and be able to express himself and understand of okay, I'm feeling this. I don't know quite what it is, but to still be able to talk about it and talk through it. Wow. What as huge it was, just as a mom, just.

Oh. One of the number one things I hear from parents, men and women, is that they want to make sure that their kids feel comfortable talking to them and that you're the one that they come to. But if they never see you feeling anything hard, they're not going to trust that you would have any clue on what they're actually experiencing. And you know, if you get nothing else from this episode today, I please beg of you that you learn your own kind of emotional intelligence so that you can pass that legacy on. It's one thing to have a financial legacy and lineage and all of that, but the greatest legacy I'm leaving behind, without question, is the level of emotional intelligence within my family. And I know that you're doing it too. Especially, you know, when you've got boys. Because I know you're. You're a boy, Mama.

Yes, I am.

Boys more than ever, men our ages, they were never taught this it's like, boys don't cry and young men more than anything. And I know that's why I was gifted the most empathetic son in the world who's also the strongest man I know. And thank God I got my together when I did because he was hitting crisis mode with not knowing to do with all these feelings, and he was seeking out relief and information somewhere else. So I love that you kind of have brought this into your home, finding out you were an enneagram9. What was your first thought about what a peacemaker was and your first aha moment?

First of all, I was excited to be a nine a little bit because you called me Yoda and I'm a Star wars fan, and I'm a Star wars fan. I mean, I'm an absolute Star wars fanatic. So whenever you said Yoda, I was like, oh, I'm Yoda. But anyway, it was one of those things. It was kind of like, wait a second. I am a peacemaker. I do love to keep the peace. But wait a second, this is good and bad. I love to keep the peace so that everybody's happy, no one gets their feelings hurt. There's no conflict. That can't all be healthy. The fact that I literally was kind of ignoring myself to make sure everybody else was happy and everybody else was keeping the peace, and I know that something I've learned from my family, but also just who I am. So then being able to take that also and wait a second, with the work and knowing that was a nine and starting to really dive into that more, being able to take it in a different way and go, wait a second. Being able to help myself to be more open, to be more honest, that I could bring peace to other people while keeping myself healthy, you know, just being able to take that in a different way, I love that that was my kind of aha moment of being able to be aware that this was very unhealthy of me, just trying to keep the peace so that we weren't going to argue. But then looking at over here, like, wow, I've been given a gift that I'm supposed to use to bless other people, to help other people. And this is where I need to be, but I need to be healthy to do that.

One of the things I've said a lot around each Enneagram type and like, we've talked about the superpowers that you have the ability to be diplomatic and the bigger picture for other people and nonjudgmental and easygoing and a safe Place for people. Those. Absolutely. That's your superpower. That's the superpower of the Enneagram 9. You are Yoda. When you are coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. Now, those very same beautiful superpowers can all of a sudden turn into Kryptonite. When we are operating from a place of fear, insecurity, doubt, shame, guilt, unworthiness and ego. Right? Those very things that are positive. And Whether you're an enneagram 9 or not, this need to avoid conflict. There are other Enneagram types that will do this too, but specifically the nine. They want to avoid conflict at all costs. But what they don't always understand, sometimes that's why they shut down. And Yoda all of a sudden turns into like Eeyore, right?

Yes, absolutely.

They don't want conflict out in the world and their environment, but there is an inner conflict that is raging inside of them. And because they don't know what to do with that, they just shut it down. So what did you notice you were doing? As though, although you were keeping the peace in your environment and avoiding conflict, what was the conflict inside of you doing to you?

I literally, you know, a year and a half ago, I went into full adrenal fatigue. I literally stressed myself out enough. Just the constant go, go, go and ignoring things that I needed to work on or staying busy just to stay busy so I didn't have to feel, so I didn't have to address things. I literally wore myself out to full adrenal fatigue. My body never got rest, so I experienced it a lot physically. I have two tumors that were removed from my neck. Again, a part of just that stress where I hold everything right there in my throat and not being able to, I just would shove everything down. And I used to have a trick I learned when I was 15 years old to not cry, to not feel. I would actually sing Guns N Roses welcome to the Jungle in my head over and over and over again until I literally would just switch and I would become numb and I wouldn't feel and I wouldn't cry. And that literally bad thing was, is I was teaching that to my kids. I go, hey, find a song, you know? And I was like, oh. All of a sudden I realized, wait a second, what am I doing? I'm teaching my children. My same thing of not feeling and not addressing what you're doing and being innocently, very innocently. And I thought it was a good thing. And then it was just that eye opening moment of, wait a second, no, stop singing your Song, address it, feel it, and being able to use it in a healthy way instead. Just a stuffer. Because, oh, was I a stuffer. My whole life I've been a stuffer.

Well, the eights, the nines and the ones all fall into that body triad where we have a need for autonomy, truth, justice. And yeah, I noticed like those in the body triad, we stuff it. We have throat issues, we have gut issues when we go to the dark side of our type. And I love that you kind of caught the thing. Like, same here. I was like, suck it up. Like, that was like my thing growing up. And when you have an empath, beautiful son, like, oh my God, like when I had this epiphany, I was like, oh, shit, I have messed up my kid. And so for those of you listening, like, innocently, subconsciously, you will repeat what you don't repair. And so knowing this, you can't just say for your kids to do something different. They will do what we do, not what we say to do. And so you gotta walk your talk, you gotta. So I encourage you all to do the work. All right? So taking all the information of the nineness and knowing that, you know, in a growth pattern a nine goes to a healthy three where like, clearly you do just fine in the achieving department. But you know, when we're in achiever mode, we have to be careful and mindful that we don't miss the miracles around us. Right. Because the stress number for the nine is taking us to the unhealthy six, which is spinning out. Do, do, do, like, don't want to feel, let's not worry, like so hyper worried that you just continuously stay in the doing.

Absolutely.

The other thing about being a nine is like, I say this all the time, you know, our main type, it's really important to understand, not just our main type, that if we are left to our main types own kind of natural tendencies, you as a 9 would never use your voice. Right? Because that innate need for harmony with the world will have you kind of like. And then no wonder you had tumors in your throat and in your face because it's like you would feel it bubbling up and it's like, stop. And so when our main type really wants to take over, which we can do it in our sleep, you can be nine. Energy nine, motive, nine, everything in your sleep. The nine stuff isn't always the right tool for the job. The thing I love about the nine is like your ability to care deeply. You really, really do. But where you guys kind of get sideways Is that you have to be able to challenge directly as well. But the nine in you is saying, hell, no, lady, put a lid on it. And so this is where your wings can come into play. So as a nine, if you are a nine on the Enneagram or you love one or lead one, you have the ability to lean into that eight wing, which is what yours truly here is that challenger. And you also have the one wing, which is the reformer. I like to call him the sheriff, right? So when that peacemaking nine is like, let's just go with the flow, and you've got that one wing saying, hey, lady, no, this is not okay. This is wrong. You know that black and white thinking that high standards, the highest of integrity, that is your sheriff one wing, right? Now, the one will speak up and say, this is wrong, but they won't necessarily do anything about it. And so your nine's just like, yeah, we're cool. Thanks, one. I appreciate that. So this is where you also have your eight wing. That will be like, okay, now we're going to do something about this, right? So as a nine, your natural tendency isn't naturally to just like, blurt it out, take big action. But with the help of your one wing and your decisive, discerning, kind of big action taking, challenging 8 Wing, I see you today leaning into this as you guide women and your own family through kind of what it feels like to start over.

Absolutely, absolutely. I really have leaned especially too, into that eight wing. I kind of went into the one wing, just, you know, like, wait a second, what are you doing to kind of again, be that sheriff to stop me in my tracks. And then in the last, gosh, four or five months, that 8 Wing has literally taken over as literally. I have just really opened my mind and my heart to, okay, where. Where am I being led to? And I have just been pushed to helping women that are starting over after divorce or death of a loved one, with their finances, with their overall wealth, spiritual, emotional, mental all around that money piece that is so important. And I've just felt it is just that 8 Wing has just been that challenging. Like, wait, this is where you're going. This is that challenge. This is what you gotta do. And it's just been having the women come to me and go, oh, my gosh, thank you.

I know for me, using my nine wing has saved my ass from really hurting people sometimes because my eight tools, I'm naturally intense. Like, I'm intense without even trying, right? And so my nine wings helps me kind of like Cool my jets a little bit and be a little more, like, calm energy. So I love how the 8 and the 9 can really work together. It's like you got the Yoda wisdom, but a little kind of, like, I like to say it, a little fu in you where you kind of need to push people with love, right?

Like, absolutely. What's love? Yes.

So when we started, you and I were talking about what it's like to be dating, you know, in our late 40s, and, you know, with the responsibility of being a mom, a single mom. It's a lot. It's a lot. And, you know, introducing kids into relationships, you know, you've been through it a couple times. I've been through it a couple times. Like, it's like. It's just not even worth it yet. Our heart had this calling. Like, there is more to then just being like the Yoda, the provider, the safe place for our children. We are women too, and we have our own kind of life to live. And I know that was a big, scary thing for you around dating again after starting over.

Oh, absolutely. I used to say, my shoe cloth too full. No one's ever gonna fit. I mean, that was my deal, that no one's ever gonna fit. My shoe closet is too full. So that was my excuse for seven years. For seven years of literally staying in work, staying busy, staying with kids, because I didn't want to go there again. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I didn't want to break down walls. It was a lot easier to stay busy and to use the excuse that my shoe closet was too full than to go there.

I remember when I asked you, like, do you really want to do this alone? What did you tell me?

No. Life's not meant to do alone. It's not. And that's the heart. It's hard to be able to call yourself out on that, knowing life has not meant you alone. But I was so. Okay quotes. Being alone. I was. I had already. I had gotten comfortable in being alone. It was a safe place.

Well, we had the proof. Like, you were financially taking. You don't need a man to take care of you financially. I mean, we're women. We're resourceful. We know how to handle ourselves. Physically, we're fine. You know, and being a mom and because you don't want conflict, the thought of being intimate with somebody, there's nothing more vulnerable than that. And there's nothing that could create more conflict than a relationship gone sideways. And you'd Experience that.

Oh, absolutely. And then with my kids, the same thing. Like, we talked. The fear of all of a sudden introducing your. Your children, you know, and my youngest had never ever seen me date.

Right.

You know, he was one when I separated from his father, so he'd never. He'd never see me. He's just had me to himself. So, you know, it was one of those things you just like, you know, so it was comfortable. I was staying and I was retreating into my nine because it was comfortable, it was safe, and I didn't have to feel and go there.

So the plot thickens because the minute she said, no, I don't want to do this alone, then the challenge. It's one thing to say that. And you know, again, I was in the same boat seven years as well. Yes, seven years as well. And I didn't use a shoe closet as my reason. I mean, it was true. That's true. But it was also like, yeah, no, I don't want to experience that again. But I also know that you and I are here for much more than that. So it's one thing to say, we want it. It's like, I love manifestation. I believe in it so hardcore. But you can't just like. And I joked about this with you and myself, you know, I called myself out on this, too. It's one thing to say, we don't want to do this alone, but if we don't leave the house, nobody's coming knocking on the door.

Absolutely, completely, 100%.

And the peacemaker in you and the introvert in me, and the challenger in me is like, hell, no. I don't want to put myself out there. I'm not getting online. I don't want to do any of that. So what did I have you do? That kind of pushed the envelope on this a little bit.

Really what it was is really working on my heart and being able to open up my heart and be vulnerable because I had literally built stone, concrete, chain link, whatever, all around my heart. I mean, you know, there was no way. And I was never going to be vulnerable. And having those discussions with you, being able to open up my heart and the inner child work of what would that little girl feel and what would she want to feel? And being able to, you know, my children. What am I doing, my children to see that is where literally I was like, okay, you know, just being able to be more vulnerable. And I need to open it.

It hurts.

It was scary. But being able to finally say, okay, you know, I need to say, yes, I Just need to be able to stop saying no and stop saying next. Next was my big word. I would always say next to people, but just don't say next and don't say no. Just say yes and see how it goes.

And so how's it been going?

Amazing. Yes. I literally had told this guy no for 2 months, completely turned him down. And finally after working in a session, I think it was our second or third session, I was like, okay, okay, I'll say yes, I'll say yes. And of course completely kind of going into it with walls and everything like that. And how many months later we are still together and going strong. Yeah, it's merging all of our six kids. We have six boys in total. All the boys get along. My children being able to literally see me, you know, with somebody in my oldest child, he's autistic and he just thinks he's amazing and he relates to each other really well. And so by being able to allow my wall to come down just to say yes, God had such a bigger plan that I was ignoring and saying no to. Because I finally said yes.

A whole other world opened up and it's been great.

You know, I, we were kind of on the same trajectory with this and you know, that's what I love about this work is, you know, usually it works like this, right? And you know, my kids hadn't seen me date or with anyone since they were 14 years old and now they're like 23 and 24 at this point. And I gotta say, there's something, the sparkle that I see in my kids eyes when they watch me be loving.

And be loved, oh gosh, that's huge. Watching you be loved, it's unreal.

What I see it is in my kids faces and for you moms and dads out there, like whether you're the dad or the mom, your kids seeing what real loving relationship, not just you being loving, but you being loved, will allow them to receive the love in their life too. So I love that you're doing that. What has the impact on integrating some of this information done for your business?

For my business has definitely given me better direction because the whole reason again started because I knew, I knew I had all the knowledge, I knew I had all the things. I couldn't work with anybody until I'd worked on myself. So this all started out as a business direction.

It always does.

It always does. But again through the inner work. But now, literally this has taken me into a new direction of now going into more of my healthy nine and my growth and seeing. Wait a second. This is where I can take all that I've been through. Yes, I've got 23 years of financial and accounting knowledge and. But being able to take that along with as a single mother, starting over twice, knowing what it's like to go through debt, the isolation, the anxiety, bringing all that together has literally doing this work has now given me that clear vision of this is where, this is where I'm needed. This is where God is. He's put me through all these trials for a reason. Listen, this is it. This is be able to share, Share my nine, share my gifts with others.

So one of the things I talk about a lot is we all have. Each Enneagram type has their blind spots. And no matter how much work we do, there are certain blind spots that you're going to have to like, be aware of. Like, I have different blind spots than you. I constantly have to check myself, not to beat myself up, but to honor and compassion and have compassion for my process. And I know you do too. What are blind spots that you were completely unaware of before that, now that you do? A constant check in on the stuffing of feelings. Yeah.

You know, I knew I did it, but I thought it was stoic. I thought it was brave. What woman can go to a funeral not cry? I thought that was stoic. Then, you know, once you realize that it's not stoic, that it is, you know, being able to have those feelings come out. So when my mother passed away this last month, being able to feel and allow myself to feel myself, to grieve, allow myself just to talk about it before, I would have never talked about it ever.

Yeah. Because it might make somebody else uncomfortable or. Right.

Make them uncomfortable. They would know my feelings. I would be vulnerable. And having that vulnerability.

Oh, that is the sneakiest thing about an enneagram 9 is the ability to shut down. It's their passive, like where I'm more explosive with won't being. I won't be controlled. Like the eight will be like, you will not control me. Right. But the nine does that stoic game where they don't show or have feelings externally so they can't be controlled by anybody. It's such a passive aggressive of sneaky subconscious things sometimes. And you know, then you get overlooked and ignored sometimes. And that's like, it feels so disrespectful. And that's where like that volcano starts to brew inside of you.

Right. And it used to come out. It used to come out. That volcano would just explode and then I was like, wow, aha. So being able to be aware, process it, and realize ways to get. Maybe I haven't processed this yet. I would have never thought of that before. Would have never, ever thought of that before until we've worked together.

And so when you catch yourself kind of in an old pattern, because those blind spots are just old patterns meant to keep us safe, and we learned them pretty early on to really lean into them. It's like your natural tendency, but then it gets reinforced early on when you catch yourself today. In the past, you probably would have beat yourself up. How do you honor yourself and your. And give yourself compassion today to kind of course correct and pivot out of that old pattern?

Gosh. Just pausing, just pausing to acknowledge it. I really tried to be still. That's been my thing this year, is really making sure I'm still just sitting a quiet time, have a peaceful time. But just acknowledging it, that's been my reward almost. It's just, hey, I did this after 47 years of stuffing and not acknowledging and being stoic. To know that I cried in front of somebody else, to know that I spoke my feelings to somebody else. I just paused and just literally just like, wow, I did it. I did that. And I feel good. I feel good. I don't feel bad about it. I feel good acknowledging that I feel good about it.

That's been the biggest game changer for me, is because, like, these blind spots, when we've caught them in the past, usually that's when we pull out the whipping stick. And that keeps the cycle going because like I said, if you don't repair it, you repeat it over and over and over. And like, when you get to our age, getting a little tired of that crap.

Absolutely.

So why do you believe people should do this kind of work? Other than the obvious?

I believe they should do this kind of work because we all have our blind spots that we can't see that we literally go through life thinking it's normal. I mean, I went through my whole life thinking it was normal and stoic to stuff my feelings. I thought that was great. I think people should do this work to be able to have someone bring it and say, listen, hey, the joy, the feelings, the peace that will come to your life by just knowing and acknowledging these things and having those tools to be able to use to whatever stage of your life, whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40, 50s, 60s, 70s, to be able to have. We only have a little time on this world, little time to use it in Such a powerful way that knowing you were given gifts and be able to discover those gifts and use them for others.

I love that and it has been such an honor to do this work with you. You make me really excited to work with nines because I know how shut down they can get. You're a beautiful example of what a beautiful, healthy nine looks like. And you know, for somebody who has been successful and done a lot of this work over the last year or so with me even, and other coaching and I mean, you're just such a beautiful lighthouse for so many women out there that are facing life, starting over and especially after 2020, so many curve balls were thrown and, you know, financial kind of worry and emotional worry and relational worry. I love that you are starting a podcast and a new network called the Starting Over Wealth Network. Sown S o w n and I know that there's a lot of people listening right now that want to not just, you know, be led by your Yoda wisdom, but also from your experience along the last couple decades in financial literacy and wealth creation and teaching others how to do that. So where can they find you and get more information about working with you?

Trishadaniel.com T R I C I yes T R I C I A My name is from the 70s. No one uses it anymore. But T R I C I A D A n I e l.com go there to find more about how to work with me, but then also find out more about the SEW network in 2020. It's been so isolating for so many, especially women going through divorce, and it just provides a way to be able to know that you're not alone and reduce that anxiety. Also, text sown s o w n to 1-844-5400415 to get more information on the podcast and the upcoming community that we'll have. Just to be able to feel the know that you are not alone in all this.

Oh girl, I'm so proud of you and I love seeing you not just living out loud, but feeling out loud. Helping out loud. Like the nine is kind of like the quiet Yoda wisdom. But it's really cool when we can see an enneagram9 who's naturally a peacemaker, make some waves in this world for something beautiful. So thank you so much for being here and sharing just everything that you have with us today.

Thank you for having me and thank you so much for just all the changes and wisdom you've brought to my life.

It is my pleasure. And if you have loved this episode. It would mean the world to both of us that it was not for nothing. So share it with somebody that you think needs to hear this. If you want more information on doing this kind of work with me, you can go to traceyomalley.com the work with me section. Or you can just hit me up on Instagram and ask some questions at tracyomalli. And until next time, y', all, here's to becoming bulletproof.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram @tracy tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.