EP159: Do You Ever Wish You Could Just Be a Different Enneagram Type? How to Lean into Your Gifts and Stay Out of Sabotage

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

So you're doing all of your highly productive scrolling right now and you see all of these people in your niche online selling out their programs effortlessly, of course making all of this money online. Meanwhile, you're over here struggling to even get people to sign up for your free stuff and it makes your brain scream, what the hell am I doing wrong? And you even in doubt. If you're able to do this, I'm going to show you exactly what you're missing and what you need to start doing to find more of your ideal clients in a way that feels good to you and most importantly, get them excited to buy from you on repeat in my brand new free live training. But here's the deal. I'm not teaching you this all by myself. My best friend, multimillionaire entrepreneur and top business coach and strategist Tiffany Carter and I are going to share our proven techniques plus answer your questions live. Hurry and register as this is the one and only time we are doing this $25,000 training in 2021. We are also giving away over $12,000 in prizes plus just for attending live and staying until the end. You will get our exclusive ideal client magnifier system for free. Swipe up link is in my bio and also at Project me with tiffany.com forward/freelive training. Go there now. We'll see you then.

I don't know about you, but do you ever wish you were a different Enneagram type?

I do. And I love being an 8. I have learned all the ins and outs of the eight, which is a gift, right? But there are days when I am pushed to the brink or moments in my life that I am pushed to the brink that I wish I was a different type. And right now I wish I was a freaking three. Because.

Threes just get it done. They don't feel much, at least externally. They power through at least externally. And I. Trust me, I know all the things about the three. I know there's that dark side. I know there's a. There's a lot of things that come with being a three that I absolutely want no part of. But I wish I could just take all the beautiful parts of the three and just cover my eight with them. Because that. That's where comparisonitis gets into the way. And for a long, long time, I tried to be a three. In fact, I was mistyped as a three because.

I think I answered because that's what I want to be. When I took my test, I also was. My back was up against the wall, so I needed to make some things happen. So that's why I also think I was mistyped as a three. But right now, in all my eight glory, I don't wanna do it. I don't want to be an 8. The 8 in me is wreaking a little havoc in my life. And I'm going to share this with you because I've been at this personal development thing for 21 years. I really have. And hardcore like. Like savage for 10. And I am in a season in my life right now that, like, all hell feels like it's breaking loose. Now, all hell breaking loose today looks very different than it did a decade ago. A decade ago, all hell breaking loose meant I blew up my entire life. Today, all hell's breaking loose means I am hitting vulnerable spots in every area of my life. Not just one, you know, one. I can move harmoniously through it, and I'm doing pretty damn good right now. But I don't want to be an 8 right now.

I don't. Even with my wings and my growth numbers, I want to say, fuck it, make me a three. Any of you feel like that. And here's why. And I'm just going to be transparent with you. So when I say that every area of my life is getting hit in the vulnerable spots, the parts that make me feel weak, because that is the biggest fear of an enneagram 8 is being weak or betrayed or violated or put in a vulnerable situation. That is like, that's what keeps an eight up at night. And each Enneagram type looks a little bit different. But I'm using myself as an example so you can understand how the framework of the Enneagram is helping pull me out of this. I'm not great, boys and girls. I'm going to tell you right down. I am white knuckling it a little bit right now. And I don't use substances anymore. I don't drink, I don't lean into food like I used to. I mean, I did have a little bit of anger kind of pop up today, but for the most part, I'm not doing this with any of my old coping mechanisms on top of it. So it feels very raw. Right. But we can do hard things. So business wise, I am doing some stretching. I'm collaborating. By the way, those of you need some strategy, need some of this work that I'm going to talk about with you right now. Because the stuff I'm going to share with you right now are exactly why you need to do the free live training that we're going to be doing. And you can find that information at Project Me with Tiffany Freelife Training. I'll get more into that. But it's one thing to have strategy, but if you don't know how to navigate when life throws the curve balls at you, and especially five of them at one time, you're going to blow up your life, you're going to blow up your business, you're going to burn the whole shit down like I used to do. So business wise, I'm doing some collaboration, which I don't typically do. Eights don't love to do that. We like to kind of do things on our own because when you do anything in a pack, even if it's a pack of one, you have the opportunity of being betrayed, violated or put in a vulnerable situation. And the fun, fun fact about this is, this is with my best friend in the world, I trust her more than anybody else in this world. And it's triggering even that for me, like, that's how raw this is for me and how to not want to be not good at something. Especially when you're working with somebody who's the best at what they do, it feels very scary for me. I'm also having these epiphanies of why other coaches haven't been able to push me. I'm seeing exactly the last 49 years play out when any mentor or coach or teacher or anybody tried to push me to a certain point where I go in that it's not pretty, y'. All. It really is not pretty. Not only do I lean into, like, that more aggressive, domineering eight that has an intensity that's very loud, even when I say nothing, I'm also working against that 5 cave that you've heard me talk about, that unhealthy 5 that an 8 can go into. So I'm. I'm kind of like Stuck between the worst of two evils right now, and I have somebody else's feelings to take into consideration. It is 50 shades of like making me crazy right now. That's just one area of my life. You know, I'm about to be empty nesting. That's hitting a new level of vulnerability, you know, relationships and all of that. New levels of vulnerability. Financially putting. Having to have a wait list to stop income from coming in in one of my businesses is a very vulnerable situation that rocks. My self preservation. It's. My entire core is rocking right now. And the eight in me wants to just go to the five cave, but nothing can happen in the five cave. So that being said, I want to be a three. I want to be a three, damn it. And I say this to you because whatever season you're in in your life right now, it's one thing to know the framework, but how to integrate this. So how am I integrating this? Not very well. Well, I shouldn't say that I'm doing. My standards are pretty high. I'm not doing well because I feel scared. And an 8 does not like to be scared of anything. We like to just power through. But I don't use the same coping and tools that I used to. So I'm having to navigate. I'm like, okay, I'm looking at the framework here. It's like, all right, what's the eight in me? And I. And I did. I leaned into my eight and I got really, really vulnerable in two of those three of those areas of my life, in my relationship, in my parenting and in my business. I got emotional in a healthy way and got really, really vulnerable. And I'm tell you right now, the vulnerability hangover is real because it's like, oh my gosh, I just exposed a weakness. I can be betrayed and violated. And here's the thing. I have six people in my life that really get close to me and how deep this can run for. For me. And every enneagram type has their thing. Like, I. I'm even concerned I could be betrayed and violated by any of them. And two of them are my own kids. So knowing this information is like, okay, well, what's true right now that's not true. That's. That's the eight in me feeling really vul. Vulnerable and like exposed right now. Which. So what an 8 will do is like, let's pump our chest and show how fucking strong we are. And that defeats the purpose. And it keeps the cycle of sabotage and all the things going. So I'm not Doing that, I mean, I've had some moments of, like, intensity, but for the most part, I'm leaning into the vulnerability, which is using the framework of the Enneagram and integrating it. Also recognizing that 5k thing is very, very real. And the darkness really can happen hard and fast there. It can come in like a haboob. Here in Arizona, if you live out in the desert, it can be sunny and beautiful one second, and all of a sudden, this storm cloud comes in and it's like a dirt hurricane that comes in and wipes you through. And that kind of is kind of how this can sneak up on any of us right now. So being aware of the warning signs, it's like the warning light. Having that information and knowing how to integrate that forward and leaning in. Even when I'm feeling like it's very rocky, it doesn't feel good when I'm doing it. It feels very scary. It feels very awkward, and I'm doing it messy, but I'm doing it. The other part is, I've said this on many coaching calls. I'm going to say it again here. You know, our main type does not change. I will always be motivated clearly as an 8, I will always believe that I have to be strong. I will always believe. Now, what strong is can be very skewed depending on my level of health, right? I know I'm the strongest freaking person I know. I do know this. But in moments like these, I feel like I need to, like, prove that. And that can be very destructive. The other thing that I will always kind of be on high alert for is that I will be betrayed and violated. And that's where the walls come up. And those walls, yes, they will keep me safe, but they'll also rob me of everything that I desire, which is connection, support, collaboration, love, companionship, intimacy. It's a slippery slope. And so that eight main characters, just like in a movie, like we watch a movie, and the main character gets a lot of the screen time, right? Your main type gets a lot of the screen time. My eight gets a lot of screen time, but very rarely is it the right person for the role, let's say. And so leaning into my wings, my seven and my nine. I'm needing my nine hardcore right now. That peacemaker, the truth teller, the easygoing, the what's the best that can happen? Part of me, because that 8 is going in to protect at all costs right now. And so I'm needing to use my supporting cast of my 9 and my 7 right now to keep this from going south real quick. And the 9 is getting a little scared by the intensity because this 8 intensity hasn't been full surface in all areas of my life in probably a decade. So the nine in me is having to flex extra strong right now. And like, what's the best that can happen? What's the bigger picture here? Really speak life and love into the eight part of me. Main character, right? And on the seven side, it's like the enthusiast. Like this can be fun. This like you can make this like rose colored glasses. Optimistic, innovative, visionary. What's the big vision here? Like your vision, you had a vision of this, you know, two years ago and now it's time where like the rubber's meeting the road and the 8 in you is really scary. So I've got the 7 and the 9 kind of tag teaming me to keep me in line a little bit. They're kind of falling asleep a little bit. But the 8 is powerful and your main type is very, very powerful. When you're in crisis. Your main type and your stress number. And so leaning into your wings is going to be crucial. Your supporting cast, right, the main character is great, but they'll burn out and we'll get bored if we're just that main type. And so using all the parts of the framework of the Enneagram. So if you think about it, I may have explained this before, like most of you are just focusing on your main type and maybe a wing. Maybe, you know, a lot of these, you know, the information out there is like you just have one wing. Well, you actually can use both, but you have to learn how to use them, right? They're just like having tools. If you don't know how to. If you don't practice using these tools, then they're just really shiny tools sitting in your garage, so to speak. So you have two wings accessible. I encourage you to be more well rounded and a healthiest version of yourself. Learn to use both because let me tell you, when your main type gets into crisis, they will try to overpower your wings. And it's two is better than one. Let me tell the other thing that we have to tap into. So we have our main type and two winks. That's three types right there. If we really learn how to integrate, like you become more well rounded. Using my growth number, which is the two. The compassionate helper. I'm struggling to get there because I'm beating the shit out of myself. If I'm being completely transparent right now, because it shouldn't be this hard I teach this shit, but I'm human too, just like you. But thank God I have language and framework to put to this instead of just annihilating myself, which I normally would have done, but to get me to that healthy two, the seven and the nine are going to have to strong arm me again. Your wings are actually kind of the unsung hero in your whole framework. Just so you know. Little spoiler alert, because if your main type, your core type, is left to its own free will, it will cause a shit show in your life, right? So to lean into my growth number of that two and pull me out of the five. So you see, I've got five different enneagram types that I really can toggle between in degrees. So think about that. You have five beautiful different frameworks to work with supporting your core type. It's amazing. Now, unfortunately for me, those five types, I mean, it's fortunate, but right now I want to be a three, and one of those five types is not a three. And it's pissing me off. I'm just gonna be really honest. Cause I. Damn it, I wanna be a three right in this moment because I want to not care about the vulnerable parts. I don't want to worry about what anybody thinks of me. I want to set a goal, execute the goal, and hit the goal. And that's what threes do best. That being said, I'm not a three. I can use some of these skills and the supporting cast to take on some of the strategy of the three and the six and the four and the one. Those are the four types I don't flawlessly toggle between all the time. The 1, the 3, the 4, and the 6 are not directly tied to an 8 framework. But these other types of mine can help me take on the behaviors of a three or a one or a four. I need that creative four in me right now. My God. And of course, my best friend who's a six. I'm getting all the sixness in my life right now, and I'm not like her. And this is where it gets really, really hard, right? I understand her, she understands me. And it's still hard because feelings and we're human and we're scared and we have more work to do until we're done on earth. Stuff is going to come up. And I know, like, the beauty in all of this is I know this is all hitting me at once because there is a huge freaking calling and what's next for me? I know this. I'm not resisting it. I'm kind of kicking and screaming a little bit. I'm having a little tantrum. But it's not too, too bad. I was feeling all of this the last three days. I had a different topic I was going to record on, but I was sitting here and I actually just did an interview with A3. And I was like, God, I wish I was like them right now. And this is where comparison can get you into trouble, right? I see threes, and I think it's easier for them. And that's bullshit. There are certain things that are easier for them, sure, but they have their own dark side. Too many of you might be looking at me and thinking, God, everything looks so easy for her. She's so strong. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is you say, you could say I'm an asshole, too. It's probably true, too. Yes, there are certain things that are much easier for me. Send me into a burning building, blindside me, Go for it. I thrive in that situation. Put me on a schedule or tell me I have to execute at XYZ time. I feel controlled, maybe subconsciously. Sabotage, procrastinate, flex my muscles in a way to push people away. You name it. Understanding the language and the framework of the Enneagram will keep you from blowing up your fucking life and your businesses. And when you can understand what's happening, which I do, it doesn't mean I like it. It doesn't mean it feels good. It doesn't mean it's convenient. It doesn't mean it's even remotely fun. Even though I know without question, on the other side of this, there is something so glorious waiting for me. Not just professionally, but also personally. It is the hardest season of my life, collectively, all at one time. Right now, I can honestly say that. And I've been through a hell of a lot. This is collectively the hardest season I've ever been in. All at once in every area of my life. And I know using this language and framework is helping me navigate it. I'm also feeling all the feelings, which is something I used to protect. Right. All of you have certain emotions that you're more comfortable with. For some of you, it's sadness. That's not my go to. I like anger. It feels very productive. But I have to be careful with that because it's not always accurate. Right. Anger can be the bodyguard to sadness. And sadness can keep you stuck if you're not careful with it. All the emotions are important. And using the framework, even though I feel like I'm about to blow, I am feeling all the emotions. I'm allowing myself to be sad, I'm allowing myself to bargain, I'm allowing myself to be angry in a healthy way. And I'm not blowing up my life. And in fact, I'm moving into a next level of growth that is off the freaking charts. And I know you want that too. Doesn't mean it's easy. Nobody talks about this shit. You see, people have, you know, six figure launches and, and collaborations and all this love, you know, love stories and, you know, the perfect kids. And maybe you even thought that about me. I don't know. I don't know what you think about me. But I'm telling you, on the other side of what you see is beautiful. There came a lot of this shit that nobody's talking about. And I have made it my mission, and I'm sure it's why I'm talking about it today. I have made it my mission to show you how to navigate this so that you can step into the calling that's on your life. You have a gift inside of you that is just exploding, wanting to come out and it's getting pissed off at you. And that little vision and calling on your life is like a tantrum throwing toddler. And if you continue to ignore it, it will wreak havoc in your life. And so, you know, the work that I do today is helping you unpack a lot of this and do this sneaky stuff, work on this sneaky stuff so that you can execute the beautiful strategy that's in your life. And so my best friend Tif, who pissed me off today, you know, I'm gonna say she pissed me off today. It was a battle of our intensity today. She won, by the way. And her and I, she's the best strategist I know and she does a lot of this work internally too. And I do all this work internally and I'm a great strategist. And we know this very thing I'm talking about right now takes a lot of you out. And I just let you in in real fucking time about what's happening right now. I don't like it. But it's real. Life will happen. Curve balls will come at your face very quickly. And if you don't know how to navigate yourself and have the emotional intelligence to do that, you will crash and burn, or your body will crash and burn, or your relationships were, or your finances will, or your kids will. Like, I know what burning down the house looks like. Ironically, this needed to come up so that I can know. So with so Much passion. Share with you a free life training that Tiffany and I are doing on July 14th. It will help you see some of this stuff and talk to not just yourself emotionally, but speak to your ideal clients in a way that they can receive your gift. Because if you have these gifts inside of you just like I do, I have this, this is all happening for me so I can raw and real to show you what this work will do for you. I know because this is next level shit right now. But her and I are doing a beautiful 90 minute training with live Q and A at the end. You can ask us anything. She is the best strategist in business. She has multiple multimillion dollar businesses. I have a couple businesses. I have used emotional intelligence to build huge organizations and teams. I have used emotional intelligence to speak and read minds of not just the people I work with, but the, the people that I serve. Right. And a lot of you are leaving some of it out. And so we're doing a free live training on July 14. I highly encourage you to go check it out at projectmewithtiffany.com.

Freelive training projectmewithtiffany dot com freelive training. You are not going to want to miss it. Seriously. You're going to hear a lot of this fire and more for you and how to navigate yourself through that. Because I know you're all listening to me right now. You're like oh shit. Okay, okay. You know, this is the real deal. Neither her or I sugarcoat anything. And it's the stuff that nobody really wants to talk about because it's not pretty. But this is what will make the difference between you having a hobby or a jobby or a real frickin business or real solid relationships and people that can hold space for you today. She's the best. Like she knows me better than anybody. I trust her with my life. And had this happened, our conversation happened 10 years ago, I would have completely sabotaged that too. And even though I didn't like the conversation, I was able to navigate it in a way that we can both grow. I was able to navigate the chaos in my personal life a little bit. It's hard when you're kind of balancing all this at once. But this is why you need to show up for this. Because you can't just put all these compartments of your life on a shelf and pull them out when you need to because they're all going to come tumbling down at you at once at some point. Especially. Especially if you have something in your heart and a calling on your life that you're supposed to be here doing. And you're playing small in it. I promise you, I'm playing real freaking small. And I know this is why this is happening all at once. This is the most I've ever been stretched in my life and I don't like it. But I'm here for it. And I'm grateful that I not only have the tools that I use, but I can show you how to use them too. So go. ProjectMayWithTiffany.com Freelive training right now. You are not going to want to miss it. This will help you become the leader you want to be the ultimate leader in every area of your life. And you can know that when your time on Earth is called, you've squeezed every bit of juice out of it. I feel squeezed, that's for sure. But I know on the other side of this is something beautiful. And I can't wait to help bring many of you along for the journey too. I will see you again soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomalli. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomali.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.