EP161: The THREE Things Keeping You from the Life You Want

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

So you're doing all of your highly.

Productive scrolling right now and you see all of these people in your niche.

Online selling out their programs effortlessly of course making all of this money online. Meanwhile, you're over here struggling to even get people to sign up for your.

Free stuff and it makes your brain scream what the hell am I doing wrong? And you even in doubt. If you're able to do this, I'm.

Going to show you exactly what you're missing and what you need to start doing to find more of your ideal clients in a way that feels good.

To you and most importantly, get them.

Excited to buy from you on repeat in my brand new free live training.

But here's the deal.

I'm not teaching you this all by myself. My best friend, multimillionaire entrepreneur and top business coach and strategist Tiffany Carter and I are going to share our proven techniques plus answer your questions live. Hurry and register as this is the one and only time we are doing this $25,000 training in 2021. We are also giving away over $12,000 in prizes. Plus just for attending live and staying.

Until the end, you will get our.

Exclusive ideal client magnifier system for free. Swipe up link is in my bio and also at Project me with tiffany.com forward/freelive training.

Go there now. We'll see you then.

Do you ever catch yourself in your own bullshit? I was preparing this week's episode and you know, I'm doing all sorts of crazy things in my life. You know, as a single mom, running a household, a couple businesses, a bunch of dogs and animals. There's a lot of shit that I gotta get done in a day and there's a lot of things that I have goal wise that I want to do and things I've put out into the universe and intentions and visions that I have for my life and Ironically, as I was preparing my outline for what I was going to share with you, I caught myself in my own freaking bullshit. Now I say that and I want you to know it sounds kind of harsh and judgmental on myself. It's the Enneagram 8 and me and men Aries as well. So that kind of is the dialogue that I use a lot of the time. I want you to know that when I say I caught myself in my own bullshit, it was actually a very compassionate, empathetic conversation with myself. So there are three things that are keeping you and me from the life that you want. And that is what today I'm going to share with you guys. Because you listened at the beginning of this episode, this live training that my bestie Tiffany Carter and I are helping you really break the blocks and, you know, not only find your ideal clients, that's not the hard part. Finding ideal clients isn't hard. But really authentically speaking to your ideal client and authentically showing up as yourself to speak to them is the hard part. And it's so subconscious sometimes. And the things that I'm gonna share with you, the three things that are keeping you from the life, the business, the love, the friendships, the health that you want are wrapped up in these three things I'm about to share with you. So back to the story. You know, Tiffany and I are doing this amazing free workshop for you. This free live training. It's gonna be powerful. I mean, corporate companies pay us. If we were to do this together for a corporate organization, they would pay us $25,000 to do it. So we are delivering all the goods. And I've never done a collaboration before, quite honestly, and she's an expert at what she does, I'm an expert at what I do. A lot of this front end stuff that needs to be done. When you're putting on something as valuable as we're doing, it's her skill set and not mine. And a lot of my insecurities started to sneak in very subconsciously. But how they snuck in was through some of the shit I was justify why I hadn't done things or why I was shutting down or even just judging what this whole process was going to be. You know, this is ego, this is our defense mechanisms. And it was ironic because it's like, am I sabotaging this or am I scared or am I blocking some money mindset stuff? Like all this stuff started to come into play and obviously I know what I want. I know what I want. I want to serve more of you. I want to make a bigger impact. I want to get more bang for my buck in how I show up in the world. Doing one on one is my zone. I love it and I can capped out in a day. All this stuff is coming to play when you're stretching yourself and doing things that might be scary for you. This also applies to my personal life as well. I am stretching myself in areas and laying down boundaries that I've never done before. I have asked for what I needed before in romantic partnership and that is something new for me. So all this is kind of happening at one time and how I kind of protect the vulnerable parts of my heart or guard and protect my fears from being exposed is through these three things. And this is what's holding you back. So I want you to either, you know, screenshot this right now and save this part because this is going to be really juicy for you. If you love this, I want you to share this with a friend. Share it on social. Whatever you need to do to get the message out about these three things. If you can really identify and compassionately work through these things, you will catch things a lot faster. You won't go down the spiral that, you know, I did for decades and maybe you're doing right now. So, number one thing that's holding you back is judgment. We're going to talk about three Js today. Judgment is number one, not just of others, but of yourself. Right? Judgment is the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. You can form an opinion about a conclusion of something. And a lot of times, you know, depending on your enneagram type, I see one way or the other. And I know that when we externally judge others, it's usually a mirrored reflection of how we're judging ourselves. And quite honestly, if we're projecting out onto other people, I know this to be true, that usually the internal judgment is magnified by about a thousand.

Right?

Back in the day, when I was externally judgy, it had everything to do with how I felt about myself. You know, when we throw that out there, it's building another brick on the wal. It's like, here's another brick, here's another brick to keep you safe, right? Because you don't want people to see what's going on in your world or in your head or in your heart. And sometimes this is so sneaky, it is so subconscious sometimes. And this keeps you stuck. Because when we're putting that out into the world or even out into our thoughts, we're blocking the abundance we're blocking the blessings from coming in. Number two, the second J is justification. This is the one I do a lot. This is the one that is still sneaky because I'm not judgy. I'm really not anymore. I've worked really, really hard on that. But justification, I think it has a lot to do with that big ass Aries Irish ego of mine. Justification is the action of showing something to be right or reasonable. This is how we protect our vulnerabilities as well. So back to the beginning of the story, you know, this, you know, collaboration and putting down boundaries and asking for what I need and relationships and things like that. I found myself justifying why I was doing certain things or why I did break a boundary or why I haven't produced something that I said I would do. And this justification is our ego saying, well, I'm better than that. Even though that's not what you're saying. This is how we make it okay in our head. Doing something that we know isn't serving our greatest good is out of integrity, is protecting a vulnerability. This is the one that I always, this is the number one on the list for me is justification. And here's the other thing for all, this is probably the biggest one for a lot of you personal developers or our coaches or all of the things, right? This is the problem with personal development and mindset work is we get a little spiritually arrogant, myself included. Sometimes I got to call bullshit on myself sometimes like just because I've done a lot of work over the last 20 something years and have spent probably close to half a million dollars on my education and personal growth and all sorts of things, doesn't mean I know all my shit. And when we are moving into new layers of our life, whether it's personal or professional, it's going to expose something else that maybe will try to keep us safe. This is the fight or flight thing, right? Fight, flight, freeze, Fawn, all of it comes in justification. And me, you know, breaking boundaries or not doing something that I said I would do is a part of fight or flight for me. And freeze and fawn, right? So this justification, it's. This is where taking that moral inventory daily, this is why I do this on the daily. It's the daily reprieve, right? We are never just set and got this on lock. This is my favorite quote that I learned in rehab. We are not cured or fixed. What we have is a daily reprieve that is contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. I've told you all this is the name of my boat that's coming, the daily reprieve. Because this is the secret sauce. If we aren't taking a daily inventory and calling bullshit kindly and compassionately on ourselves so that we can course correct and really work on the thing that we are most afraid of, we're just going continue this cycle. And this is why a lot of you are stuck. This is why I haven't done certain things in my life or allowed certain things to come into my life or let my heart completely go. It's this right here and it is blocking me. Yes. Does it keep me safe? Sometimes? Yes. But like safe, there's nothing juicy in safety sometimes, right? Physical safety, of course. But taking risks is where all the really juicy parts of life are. All right, finally, the last J that is holding so many of you back is jealousy. I also like to throw envy into this because jealousy and envy is all about resentment. And you know, when I went to rehab for a clear alcohol dysfunction and food dysfunctional relationship, I didn't have an alcohol problem and I didn't have a food problem. What I had was a coping problem. And the coping problem came from a buried deep harboring burning resentment against myself, against people that had harmed me, against other people that appeared to have it easier than me. And so jealousy is a. Is resentment against a rival or a person that is enjoying success or an advantage that you believe they have that others don't. And here's the thing. All of us have a clear advantage in some way or another. We may not think it's an advantage, or we may say we don't because that's another justification for us to stay stuck. But this resentment creates a mental uneasiness. And the jealousy a lot of times is an external projection. You know, we'll say, shit, I've never been one that's super jealous externally. But on the other flip side of this is envy, and this is resentment believing that, you know, we're missing something, there's something missing in us that somebody else has. This is really hardcore for an enneagram 4, right? That's their biggest vice and feelings that others have what you don't. And a lot of times the envy is the quiet. The quiet thing that is holding you back. We may not speak it out loud, but this shows up in comparison. This shows up when we're doing the scroll hole. This shows up when you are trying to create content that looks like somebody else because you're like, well, it must work for them. Instead of being authentically you, jealousy and envy is robbing you of showing up in this world completely you, right? And the thing is, is you don't need to be anything but you. That's what makes you amazing. And you may think that if the world saw that part of you, you would be an ultimate failure in all areas of your life. You know, the judgment, the justification, the jealousy, all of that. When I started exposing that and calling myself on it, the real gifts of who I am started to, to come out. And it's where the massive success came as a mother, as a business owner, as a professional performance coach. But when I look back at these three things and how they were holding me back in business, I could not speak to everybody. I could speak to people that were like me. So I was leaving the level of impact like in the dust. I could not make the impact that I wanted. I left a lot of freaking money on the table back in the day when this was in, in play, right? Also, you know, this shows up in inauthenticity and energy doesn't lie and quality. People that you say you want to work with or to have in your life can sniff this out a mile away.

And quite honestly, being inauthentic is frickin exhausting. It is. Can you imagine like being an actor 24 7? That would be really, really hard. The other part that this comes into is the money blocks. And a lot of times these money mindset blocks that are holding you back, they're really subconscious and sneaky. And I'm going to do a whole episode on the money mindsets that you need to overcome in order to have more abundance. But a lot of this is tied up. A lot of those money mindset blocks are tied up in judgment, justification and jealousy. When I look back on the 40 something years of my life and where I have blocked love not just romantically, but in friendships, a lot of it came from these three things and friendships and my own personal health. I mean, how many of you said, well genetically, you know, our family has always been this or, or I'm not blessed like that person is and we are robbing ourselves from anything beautiful with these three things. I've been at this 22 years, this personal work, and quite honestly, at nine years old, I knew that.

My role in this life was going to be something that was to help people. Now it took another close to 40 or 30 years to figure out what that might look like. And a lot of messy detours, all of which I'm grateful for today. It's hard to see the gratitude and the joy and the meaning when we're in the middle of the message and some of the messes are, you know, self inflicted, some of them are by bad choices, some of it is being an innocent party and things. But taking radical responsibility for where you are you are at today and calling yourself and taking that personal inventory will be always required for you to have all these things that you are putting on a vision board that you're manifesting, that you are meditating about, that you are praying for. Yes. You have to put it out into the universe and then you have to take some really effective, compassionate, non negotiable action moving forward. And that is why Tiffany and I are so passionate about doing this free live training for you. The list is already 60% full by the time I'm recording this and this. It could be almost full by the time that this recording airs. We are so passionate about serving so many of you because we see, we're straight shooters. If you listen to me, you know this. If you haven't listened to her, I encourage you to. We're very, very different, but we're both straight shooting, tell it like it is. We're talking about the things and telling you the things and teaching you the things that nobody wants to talk about. Do you want to know why? Because it's freaking messy. It's freaking messy, but it's in the messy that all the magic happens. And this free life training to help you show up authentically in your business so that you can speak freely because people are, people are like magnets to authenticity. And we know you're throwing a bunch of shit up at the wall and hoping something sticks and it's not happening. It's not happening. And I know this, I see this. I have to kind of check myself in judgment when I see this going on, I'm like, oh, you know, it's more like I just want to shake you and say, you don't have to be anything but you. And when I'm doing that in my thoughts, I'm saying the same thing to myself. I want you to know that, you know, I'm with you and Tiffany's with you. And so we are excited to serve more of you. If you are tired of your own shit and you know that this is exhausting, you doing it and trying to find what you're here to do through just scrolling, comparison, judging, justification, jealousy, whatever it is, and, and you are spinning the wheel. I want you to go right now to projectmewithtiffany.com freelivetraining we will be giving you everything we got in that 90 minutes. We're going to have free live Q and A. Like I said, the list is already 60% taken. We're going to do this one time only this year. This is the one and only time. We are very excited and passionate. We know the gifts that you have and we know the things that are holding you back because we work on it daily. You know, both of us hit rock bottom close to a decade ago and it was really, really dark. And these three things that I just spoke about, the judgment, the justification, the jealousy, the envy, they are almost. That's almost what took us out. It really, really is. And we want to help you prevent that from happening. You will not regret those 90 minutes you spent with us. You will be able to walk away with so much that if you really take some clear, compassionate, effective, no bullshit action, that free 90 minutes could be a game changer for you for sure. We know this with everything we've got. We are pouring every ounce of blood, sweat and tears and heart and soul and grit and tenacity and resilience that we have experienced in our 40 PL years here on Earth. And we're here to bring it to you. So I encourage you to go right now and do that. Go to projectmewithtiffany.com free live training. This is not something you can get anywhere else. I know this. And you know, I don't. I don't sugarcoat it almost to a fault sometimes, right? But we are excited to bring that to you. And I know that you want to show up as the ultimate in your life and in your homes and in your businesses and live that life of freedom and knowing how to disrupt that part of your life without it taking you out. I mean, nothing changes if nothing changes. I've said that a lot this week. And when are you going to make a change that actually moves the needle in the direction that you want? I know that. I'm here for it. I know that you are, too. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening to this. If this is something you needed to hear today, please share it. Take a screenshot. Tell me what you are prepared to do. Which one of these three things is holding you back the most? Whether it's judgment, justification, or the jealousy envy component or all three, I want to hear about it. I want to talk more about this because this is the shit nobody talks about. They don't. And the real truth behind it. It's one thing to talk about it and say it, but what do we do about it? And I want to open this dialogue more and more and more. For myself, for you, for every person that we're here to serve. It's time that you show up as the ultimate leader in your life. Until next time. I'll be talking to you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.