EP164: [Part 2] Now I Know Why Don’t Have the Life I Desire, But WHAT Do I Do About It? Let's Get Down to Business—with Tiffany Carter

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. So let's do this thing.

Well, hello there. All right, you're in for a treat. And I'm just gonna say this right now. This is a part two of a series that we're doing that is on somebody else's podcast. So for those of you that are new to my program here or you are just, like, hopping on, I want you to know, like, the first few minutes, you're gonna be like, okay, what's going on? What's going on? And this is a part two of the series that me and my bestie, Tiffany Carter, are doing on this personal development thing that all of you are interested in. Otherwise, you wouldn't even be listening to me, right? And so if you're, like, wondering what you're missing, if things don't make sense, I want you to go find Project Me with Tiffany on the podcast world on. On itunes, Spotify, all the things, and listen to part one. It got dropped yesterday. And we talked about, like, all the things that we're doing in personal development that aren't working. And you have things that you want to do, and all the stuff you've done, the podcast you've done, the shelf help you've done, the events you've hired, the coaches you've gone to, masterminds, you're doing all the things, and you still feel stuck. Part one was why that is, why that is. And today we're going to talk about. Great. I know I'm stuck. I know I've got shit to do. Now what? Now what? And if you have been following me along and have listened to my podcast before, you know, I talk about my best friend, Tiffany Carter, all the time. She's an enneagram6. She's amazing. She's the best business strategist and business coach in the land. In all the land. I send people to her. She's the only one that I can be effectively led by and Even then I'm a pain in the ass. She will definitely say that there's nobody better in the business world to coach you strategically to your goals. Hundreds of millions of dollars in sales transactions have gone through with her strategy. That being said, you can have all the best strategy in the world. And in fact, she's been the best strategist in all the land and she still blew up her life about a decade ago. Right? So all the best strategy in the world doesn't mean jack if you've got some stuff rumbling beneath the surface that you're hoping nobody finds out about or that you hope doesn't come in like a tsunami and take your ass out. Now, the fact is, is you got to have both. You got to have both. You can't just sit in the lands of Sedona doing all this inner work and hope millions of dollars deposit into your bank account. Right? It's not going to happen that way. And you can't chip away at some of this stuff and think like that's all you have to do in order for abundance to come rolling in. No, that's just the beginning of the awareness process. And you can't just go to Tiffany and say, give me all the strategy, tell me the action plan, tell me the action plan, all the bullet points of what I need to do. I'll do anything. Strategy wise, just tell me, just don't tell me I have to feel anything. That's not going to work either. It might have a temporary kind of hit and you might temporarily be able to have success. But I guarantee you your world will come crashing down if there's this stuff below the surface and in the wilderness that nobody knows about, including yourself, a lot of time that doesn't get addressed. And if you really want to have the thing that you're putting on your vision board, the I am statements that you want to believe in yourself, if you are saying, I know that I'm here for more and you've done some of this helpful things and the hashtag work and it's not moving, there's a reason why. And today we are going to talk about, great, I know that I need to do more, but I don't know what that means and I don't know what that will cost. And I don't mean money wise, like what will it cost me, what disruption of life will happen in order for me to put the rubber on the road and say, yes, I'm going for it and nothing is going to hold me back. Because the fact is, as I see y'. All, Y' all are saying, I want this, I'm going to do this. And guess what happens? Life comes and wax you upside the head, and I don't know where the hell you go. I don't. Finding the harmony in all the disruptions that life will give you and the ones that you will create yourself in order to live out, everything you say you want will come with a cost. Right? And so today we're going to talk about the messy middle and how to navigate that on the way to everything that you've been called to do, and knowing that until your time on earth is done, it will be required. So today I'm bringing on. Yes, she is my best friend, but that's not why she's on. Because I have a lot of people that I love in my life and there's no way in hell I would ever bring them on my podcast. But I know that she is absolutely the very best in the business as far as strategy and has done a lot of this work and continues to, because I still continue to do the work work, too. And we have put together something that we are going to talk about today because I know in listening to part one, if you've already listened to it and you're over here, you're like, yeah, I want more of that. I'm like on fire right now because I can feel you all. You're like, yes, just tell me what I need to do. We're going to share that with you. This is something that all those rock bottom moments and the feeling alone in the wilderness and the having no idea what life was gonna do with us and what the calling and what all this meant early on in both of our lives that brought us together on this Earth four years ago as friends, and now bringing both of our experience and work together in this strategy and this inner work that is holding you back as well, we're bringing it together and you're getting sandwiched by the two of us, not just in this podcast, but in something that we have spent our whole life preparing for hundreds of thousands of dollars of education and coaching and therapy and reh and combined almost a hundred years of life to bring this and light the path for you. So that you can say, like, I'm done. I'm done doing this shit the way I've always done it. And I'm so excited to share with you what the messy middle looks like and how to embrace it and how to actually move forward with my dear friend, Ms. Tiffany Carter. Hi.

I call it as you know, you say messy middle, I say dirty diaper. It's like you've gotta be willing to sit in that dirty diaper, which is so uncomfortable, in order for you to have what you want to have. But most of us spend our entire lives trying to avoid pain, get around the pain instead of sitting in the pain. But it's in sitting in that messy middle. Sitting in that dirty diaper is the very thing you need to do to have what you want. Yet 99.9% of people avoid it. I spent my whole life avoiding it. Now I didn't have anyone like you or me telling me, no, no, no, no, no, you're trying to avoid the pain. We need to go dive into the pain. If I'd had someone tell me that, I might have woken up a little bit. I still don't know if I would have done it, probably. But my whole life was spent keeping that balloon underwater. As I say, I used everything imaginable to keep that balloon underwater. That's what I was trying to do in order to survive. I thought that was the solution.

I love that analogy. And you know what's funny about that is you work with people day in and day out on strategy. And you know, because we collaborate, we have bounced clients back and forth. Cause it's like I'm helping them with this, now they need strategy, I send them to you and vice versa. And how often would you say people come to you for strategy? And how many of them you realize, oh yeah, you're trying to avoid this, you're trying to outrun this inner work with strategy. How many percentage wise do you think that that is? Like a hundred.

Hundred percent? Yeah, 100%. Because, you know, you come to someone like me, I want to either start a business, grow my business. Money's the solution. I know if I start getting money and clients and business doing what I love, then I'm going to have the freedom, then I'll have the joy, then I'll have the fulfillment in my life, then I'll be okay. And to say you're going to get those things. Yes, like you will get those things. But here's the issue. And it happens every time. I have a, I have a two month private coaching program every single time. We're at week six. So those of you who are listening who've done any recovery programs, it's like, you know, 12 step, any 12 step programs, it's step four. Okay, so you guys are laughing. Who are in, who've been in recovery or familiar with it. So with my program, it's six. You know why? Because by the time we're at six, we are ready to launch your goddamn thing. You're offering your program, your rebrand, put it out there in the world and that is where everything comes unraveled. Not following through with their homework, having an excuse. I didn't know what to say on video, I'm confused by. They get sick and that's where it all comes up. But the first portion, when we're mapping stuff out and doing the behind the scenes, right, Everyone loves that. But when it's time to actually press the button and release it.

And I want you all to know, I don't trust many people at all in the world. And Tiffany, I trust with my life, with everything that's important to me. Like everything that's important to me, I trust her with. And I've had her push me and I don't like it either. And I trust her emphatically. And I still do the whole resistance game. So I get how hard this is, right? And I talk to people about the inner work and we map out what these conversations might look like or the disruption that we're going to have to cause in your life. And just like what she said that week one through six is easy. It's real easy. Let's call the work I do like rehab, like recovery, let's just call it this safe bubble container of working with me, right? It's real easy when we're Marco Polo ing back and forth and I have like a three month program where it's like we're navigating all this. It's real safe to have these conversations amongst people who are on board with people who are on board and see the bigger vision, the real work comes when you integrate back into your life in the real world and bringing the strategy and this work when we have to press the button or have to have the hard conversation or have to say this is important to me and I am willing to lose people, places and things to have it. Like that's, that's where it's like, oh shit. And I've done that a lot in my life too.

That is for me as an enneagram 6 rooted in safety and security. Someone who is an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family who's got, who was sexually abused for. From 11 years old to 21 years old. I was pimped out by my mom. I mean I have. Everything's about safety and security is my point. And I can, with all the work I've done trauma work, PTSD work. You know, everything I've done with Tracy, right? It's like there are some things in my life that need to be fucking done, okay? And I've not done them because that disruption of life is terrifying. That doesn't mean that I'm not working towards it, though. So I don't want you guys to thank God. In order for me to have what you and Tiffany have, I'm going to have to just blow everything up.

Yeah. No, that's why you have us here, so you don't have to do that. We had to blow our shit up because we didn't have an us and we didn't have people we could trust and that have gone before us and have, like, the vision of what we want for our life. We did not have that. You know, this whole working towards it while you're doing it is the important part, because so many of you are doing either or. Either or. I'm going to go, you know, on a retreat in Tulum and, you know, do the ayahuasca, and I'm going to come back and integrate into my life and everything is solved. I mean, rehab was the same way. When I was, like, in rehab, I was very clear that only 2% of us were going to make it in order for me to make it, not just emotionally, but financially, physically. All the things I was going into a situation that was not on board with all this work that I had just done, Right. But I was willing to walk away from anything and everything and every dollar in order to pursue the very thing that I said I'm here to do. And I know that a lot of you listen to me and, you know, I'm an enneagram8, and I'm all about big action and going for it and being loud and proud. And I also am very fearful of vulnerability. I want you to know, like, I don't give a shit about certainty and safety. I mean, I'll go hot into a burning building and not even think twice about it. I mean, that's what I was going to do for a career. I was going to be a firefighter, paramedic. Like, that was my jam.

That's hot.

I know it is. Unless you're with an enneagram6 and they're.

Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Have you thought about this, this, this and this?

I'd be like, oh, my God, what's going to happen? I need a full plan.

Yeah. So we understand the fears behind what you want to do, what you Know, this, this disconnection between what you say you want to do and what you are willing to do are two totally different things. So when you're coaching people and you know, the reason that we're to share this is because a lot of times you'll be in strategy sessions with somebody and you're like, I can't do anything with them until they're willing to crack open. And then you get somebody like me who's like cracked open and doing all the things and I'm resistant to the strategy. Like, I'm that person. Like, I'm like, let's talk about all the feelings and what's behind this. But I am the one who's afraid to press the button. Like, how do you navigate that through?

The thing that works the best with everyone across the board is setting up customized accountability. What is going to get you in to take the action that is fucking terrifying, which is different for everybody, like you just said. And what is going to keep you staying in that action? And everyone's motivation in that is different. You know, Tracy always talks about, you know, motivation for me because I want you guys to have some examples. For me, I have to put heavy cash on the line because to me, money is safety and security. I always want to be only dependent on myself to take care of myself financially. It's all rooted in that for me. So I put not, you know, it's all relative, right? Like, 500 bucks for me is not going to do it. Now, when I was a broke ass, yes, that would have done it, but now that wouldn't do it. So I have to put thousands on the line. I have three coaches, I have employees, I have people who work for me because then I will show up because I don't want to waste money. And I also don't want to let my employees down or people who work for me down who are using the money that I pay them to feed their families. So for me, that makes me show up when I don't want to, which by the way, 70% of the time.

And you know what's funny about that is I, you know, I'm listening to you and I could give a shit about that. Like, that. That does not rattle me at all. What rattles me is the possibility of being betrayed or violated. And, you know, I'll share my shit with you real time. Like me and Tiffany doing this. Like, I don't trust anybody. Like, I trust her. And, you know, she is an enneagram 6 and can fire hose with like this needs to be done. This needs to be done. This needs to be done. And I love it. Like, fuck, yes. And equally I'm like, this is exposing every fucking insecurity and thing I suck at and I am the weak ass link in this. And oh my God, I feel so vulnerable. And at any moment she's going to say, you know what? This was a bad idea. She is a fraud, and this is my best friend I'm talking about. And I immediately go into like, I want to shut down, I want to shut down, I want to shut down. And instead I pick up the phone and I say, this is how I'm feeling right now. I know this is probably not true, and this is like my vulnerability coming into play, but. And if I kind of sit in this dirty diaper, I will go dark on you and I will blow this thing up. And I don't want to do that. And I'm taking a chance and saying, this is where I'm at. And you could be like, yeah, you're a pain in my ass and you are weak. You could say that to me. And that is really vulnerable for me. Like, me collaborating and doing something that exposes every vulnerability that I have spent 50 years keeping behind lock and key is really challenging for me. So for some of you, it's the money. For some of you, it's the vulnerability. For some of you, you feel like you need so much significance. You need to do something in order to be worthy of something. Like, we understand all components of it and it is all very customized to you. And that is the thing about what a lot of the stuff that's out there that you are investing in and, you know, looking at and learning from, it's great. It's better than doing nothing. We will say that it's better than doing nothing, but it's not going to move the needle the way that you want to. Right? You see that a lot.

What gets you to show up when you don't feel like it? Because I don't know what your percentage is, but I know. I just know you don't feel like it most of the time either. No.

And nobody tells me what to do.

That's true.

That's why this has been really hard too. And it feels really vulnerable for me. Like, I mean, clearly you are the strategy expert and you have a lot more experience when it comes to launching things and marketing. And I'm not like, you laugh all the time when I actually do, like, promote something. Look at you selling shit like that never happens. And I also like strategy and, and understanding wise know what's important. Like I logically know. And there is something that, like honestly what keep me showing up for this is I know that that little girl that experienced all of this, that is scared out of her mind of being betrayed and violated, she's looking to me saying please let me know this mattered for something. And this work that you're about to do with this safe, loving person who no matter what has proven over and over has your back and knows what she's doing, please make all the shit we've been through matter for something and show the fuck up and do what you're supposed to do. Do what she's telling you to do. She will not betray or violate you. I have to battle that whole dialogue every time you say this is what we need to do. I do. And it's powerful. And the reason I show up and I'm super emotional with you about it is because I know this matters. And there are thousands of you sitting out there right now. They're like, yes, I am so scared. But I know that it is all supposed to matter for something and I'm here to do it. But I'm terrified. And, and knowing that I have you, that fills the gap where I don't with the strategy. And I fill the gap with all this cluster fucks in all of our brains and hearts, more importantly our hearts that is holding us back of doing this work that we were called to do. That's why I'm showing up for this. Honestly, I'm terrified you guys every day to do this. And I'm with the most safe person I've ever experienced in all 50 of my years. And I'm still scared. But I'm here doing it. I'm here doing it and I'm doing my own work as I'm doing this and right it's going to be and I'm doing it alongside the strategy. And that's what's missing for a lot of you is you have the strategy but not this. You have this but not the strategy. And that's why us coming together, this is why I get up every day even when I'm having a tantrum with you.

And I have.

A lot of. Some of them are entertaining, some of them are entertaining. But you, but mine are. I mean, I'm wild, right? Like, mine just looks, mine looks, mine looks different. I mean on top of being an enneagram 6, I'm a Virgo. So like when I'm in Virgo, very, very Virgo. When I'm in fear. It's like, okay, like, tangible, like marching orders. Like, we've got to fucking do da da da da da. You know, I go down that path. But here's the thing. Both of us are showing up regardless. We show up regardless. But to get the people who come to me to show up regardless, it is, again, what's going to get you to show up is rooted in a different motivation for all of you. And you have to have something bigger than yourself. It can't just be, I have people come to me like. And I go, why is that? Help me understand. Why is that your niche? Why is that the person you want to help? Because intuitively and energetically, I can sense that this person's not that into it. You know, you can tell when someone's lit up by what they do. Even on their worst day, you can just tell. And it's like, I'm not buying it. And usually what comes out is, well, that's who I think will hire me. Or that's. That's what I feel I could do a company around because that's what people would pay me. And I go, well, let's let all of that go. What do you really want to do? If you knew that people would pay you for it regardless, what would it be? And then the real true answer comes out. And that's what we want to work with, right? What is it that you really want to do? Who is it that you really want to help? That's who you're meant to help. That's who you're meant to serve. I know that probably there's a lot of you who have started a business and have some clients, and there's really not much major growth that has occurred. Like, you're not making the money that, you know, you could make or want to make, or it's really freaking hard and it's not fun. And you are really working it in order to get those few clients or in order to get X many signups for your program. And then you're scrolling and you see people, whether it's Tracy, me, Polly the influencer, Sarah the spiritual guru. You know, what's my one about the.

Faith person, Janelle the Jesus loving influencer. And I love Jesus, too. Don't get me wrong.

I just don't like it when people, you know, position things with. With faith. It really. Anyway, that's a whole nother rant I could go on.

We'll save that for another day.

All right, we'll save that for another one. I know, some of you are laughing like it's like the Tammy Faye Baker, those of you remember her.

It's like of the influencer land, right?

Like the coaching world that was like the OG that, you know, that did that shit. Bottom line is you can't have one without the other. You can't not. You can't try to do this without strategy and you can't try to do this without doing deeper inner work, not just the personal development work. I know, I've tried. I try to do both. I've coached thousands of you. And I get both. I get people who are very above the neck and they want the strategy and they might make money, but they can't keep the money or they're working 10 hours a day to get it or their rest of their lives falling apart. Then there's the people who are kind of almost addicted to that self help world. And they keep doing more and more of all these kinds of different programs and then they're posting stuff and no one's ever buying and no one's ever signing up and they're going into more and more debt because they keep doing all this stuff and they can't, they can't figure out why. Well, it's because you've got to show up regardless and go all in on both.

Well, and you know, you talked about them niching in a way that they know people will pay for it, but they're not passionate about it. Some of you are also niching in a way that won't disrupt your life because you know, people will be like, well, that's not too polarizing or things like that. Like you're driven by what people may think or, or whatever that looks like for you. There's something that is keeping you not going to the next level. And that's where this TNT sandwich comes into play. Right?

Yeah. It's like I even said this to a client before we recorded this who has done a lot of inner work, a lot of hard inner work too. But we're at, you know, we're at that marker that the sixth or seventh session, time to put it out there. And I said, who you are on zoom with me.

Who.

She's very passionate about, who she helps. It's genuine. She has a gift. And she will go off on me like, and this and this and all. And I go, where is this person online? Where is this? Your content is basic as fuck. You are being, you are being a. Right, you're being like, she's talking about.

Me, by the way.

You're showing me like 30% of you. Where is this fire? Where is this conviction? Where is all of this on there? And what that for, for this person? What it comes down to is I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to upset people. I don't want to end up being part of cancel culture. I don't want the people who I went to high school with to be like, oh, who does she think she is? And that is what is preventing her from giving her true passionate gift, getting in that zero fuck zone, right? That is what's preventing her from having tons of people wanting to work with her, paying her and her helping them.

Is that, you know, I use this analogy a lot with people that I work with. And, you know, this is kind of where most of us are at, because most of us are anywhere between, I would say, 24 and 65. Right. Like, I work with a wide range, you work with a wide range. And when we've been conditioned, even if it's only 24 years, 23 years or 65 or whatever, that conditioning is hard to reprogram. Right. And I want you to look at it this way. I may have shared this story before, but when I was six years old, I broke my arm. And the conditions of my growing up in the household, I knew that I was best if I just didn't tell anybody that as six years old, I broke my arm. And it was my left arm and I'm a lefty. So, like, this was a big deal. And for two days nobody noticed that I had broken my arm. That kind of tells you what things were. I was worried that there would be a fight that would break out. I was worried that there would be a fight over money or being unsupervised. And so I decided I'd take one for the team, right? And just kind of forget that this is happening. And this is what a lot of you are doing. You're sweeping so much shit under the rug, so to speak, right? So obviously I'm six and my arm is broken. And two days later, obviously I couldn't hide it anymore. And sure shit, the fight broke out that I expected. But the real thing was, is, of course I'm being taken to the hospital now. And if you've ever broken a bone and you don't get it set right away, it's not going to heal properly unless they do what they have to go and re. Break the arm.

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah. Otherwise it's, you know, because it's already. The healing process already starts, but if it's not set in alignment, you're going to have a non functioning arm. And you know, spoiler alert, I can still throw an 80 mile an hour fastball today because of the re breaking of my bone. The thing with the re breaking process is you see it coming and it hurts like a motherfucker. Like there's nothing enjoyable about the re breaking process. But in order for me to perform at the most optimal place with this arm, it needed to get rebroken and set properly so that I can flawlessly move through life as a lefty. Many of you had your heart broken early on in life and nobody knew it. And it got pieced together. You swept things under the rug you just over gave, you became a people pleaser, you didn't speak up, you shelved your own needs. You maybe were a high achiever so you could get the accolades. Maybe you were such a control freak and controlling everything in order to prevent another break from happening. Either way, your heart got broken early on and it didn't get set properly. And so you are floating through your life today with a heart that can't perform at the most optimal level. And all these things that you say you're so passionate about can't come out properly. And so sometimes we have to go in and re break the heart a little bit in order for you to show up in your life and in your businesses and do the things, do the fucking things you say you want to do in the world. And you don't give a shit who you upset, you don't give a shit who you lose. You don't give a shit about what it may cost you because you know, like you're performing at your most optimal true self. And a lot of times it's the re breaking process that we're most afraid of, right? Whether it's breaking down, the strategy, it's the things that we're most afraid of and what motivates us that most of us don't want to do. But you're not going to ever do the thing you say you want to do without this, right?

Right? Or you can keep manifesting, you can keep injecting frog serum, you can keep praying, okay, and I'm big on God and praying. You can keep praying all you damn want, you know, and God's going to make your life more and more uncomfortable until you get to a point where you, you're waving the white flag going, okay, I'll re, I'll rebreak the arm, I'll rebreak it. Yeah. And you can keep going with it. I mean, there's people who, I mean, my mom's an example. My mom had me a lot later in life, so. My mom's 80. This woman has never re. Broken the arm and she never fucking will. And it's sad. It's very sad. And she never will. And that's. It's sad because we get one life. I mean, how many of you have made promises? Even though, like a lot of us roll our eyes at New Year's resolutions, we all secretly make them. We all do. We're all like, well, 2021, that's going to be my best year. Right? We all, we all do these things, right? We all do it. Even, you know, I, I mask it by calling them intentions, but it's the same goddamn thing. It do it. And now we're over halfway through 2021. I would put money on it that a solid 98% of you listening are not where you wanted to be at this point this year. And you had full intentions of getting there, right? But all this stuff Tracy's talking about, stuff I've talked about, you're, you're blocked. You come up with excuses. You have subconscious and conscious self sabotaging behaviors. You don't have extreme accountability set up. I have to have extreme accountability set up for me to show up regardless. Because I don't feel like showing up most of the time. If we wait till we're ready and wait till we feel like it, nothing is going to happen. I promise you nothing will happen.

No. And I'm one of those 98% in certain areas of my life that like, this is the part of the year that always is very like, okay, this is where shit's going to happen. It's always July, this first week in July for me that I'm like, okay, I have not been walking my talk in this area of my life and I don't do that to like go down the shame spiral. But like, okay, what do I need to address or deal with right now? Or what do I need to let go of? Sometimes it's a thought, sometimes it's a person, sometimes it's a place or a thing, right? And really evaluate what is going, going on here that I have not taken the moves forward. And I know a lot of you listening right now, you are exactly what she has just described. And you maybe have one area of your life that has fallen apart while the other ones are thriving and finding the harmony in all of them. Like, you can't compartmentalize this integrity. Right? And I know that I'm tired of certain things that I do. It was on my heart to kind of share a conversation you and I had last week about like, you know, when you don't feel like it or it's going to disrupt things too much or somebody's not going to receive this information. Well. But I know in order for me to move forward with the things that not only I say I want, but I know I fucking deserve, I had to have a hard conversation. And it was breaking my heart to have the hard conversation. And, you know, I'm saying this for you guys because I want you to know how real this shit is, is the lies that we tell ourselves. And I was telling Tiffany like it was gutting me that I needed to hold a boundary around an area of my life that I've dreamt about my entire life, right? And I had the thought in my head is like, well, what would one time do? Not drinking, for all of those of you worried out there? It's not drinking or anything like that.

It's actually far more serious than that.

Yeah, like that would be the least of my problems. But it brought me back to my drinking days, right? Because this is the lies we tell ourselves, well, what if I take one day off or I don't show up today? Nobody will notice anyway or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I thought in my head, well, what would one time do to go break this boundary? And all of a sudden I got downloaded in my moment nine years ago when I was 111 days sober and I was dating somebody at the time, and we were going to Vegas for a trip for his birthday, and he came out of the gas station with two schnapp shooters and he handed me one. He said, you've been doing so good. What will one weekend do? And I bought into that lie. I mean, was that shitty to do? Fuck yeah, totally. But my radical responsibility, I picked it up and said, you know what? You're fucking. Right, right? And I did the schnapps. And you know, if you've been listening for any length of time, you knew two days later I co rolling out of a moving cab and end up in rehab after that, right? But it was in this moment, just this last week, where I didn't want to show up in my fully integrated self, the person that walks her talk today. And I was thinking, well, what would one time of not showing up in integrity do? And I'm not picking up the schnapps, I'm not picking up the schnapps. And I know many of you are picking up the schnapps and saying, fuck it. What's one time. What's one time of me not doing this? What's one time of me saying, I'm going to do it, but I'm not going to do it? Will chip away at everything that you desire. Tiff. Like, I know. Like that epiphany. It was just a week ago. It was a week ago today that I felt that. And I was like, I am never picking up that fucking schnapps. No way. Not metaphorically, not physically. Where have you had to say, I am not going to do that anymore. Because I know there's a lot of you listening right now that are like, oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck, girl, I'm going to cry. But that's. I'm emotional because I spent my whole life doing that dance with my brain. I had many drugs of choice. I am not a substance addict. If I was, I'd be dead in a pile of cocaine in Rio. I mean, really, like, not literally in Rio. That's a whole nother story. So I've tried all the things. My drug of choice are people. I'm an extreme codependent. Went to a recovery program for it. An exercise addict and a workaholic. Those are my three drugs. Number one is the freshie high, as I call it. The freshie high of the new guy or the new girl. Right. It's exciting. There's oxytocin. I always lose a solid 10 pounds. You know, like, everything just feels better. It really is. It's. It's. It's such a high. I was so addicted to it that, you know, all. All these relationships I would have, they would end when the freshie high was wearing off, which is about that year and a half, two year mark. Because I thought the freshie high was love. I really did. Because I didn't. I didn't know any better. Oh, God, girl. I had to lock up my phone and my iPad every single evening. Because for me, evening was. We all have week times, whether it's with food, whatever your thing is. It could be scrolling, procrastinating, whatever the hell it is food. And mine was that evening time after I was done using my workaholic addiction of being a spaz and being addicted to being busy so I didn't have to sit with my feelings. A lot of you have that, too. That was my jam, you know, and I can still fall into that. So I would have to lock up my Phone and my iPad I had in the townhouse, I had at the time, I had a little cubby in my closet that in order to access, you had to get on your knees. And there's a paddle lock, and they're like an old school, like, combination lock. And I. I don't know, guy number, you know, 572. Because these motherfuckers always. I know the. The codependent pattern. I know it like the back of my hand. And they always circle the wagon. They always know just when to text you, just the right time, you know, they know the evening or before bed or it's Sunday night. They know because they're playing their part, too, and I'm playing mine. Oh, I was so uncomfortable sitting in the messy middle, sitting in the dirty diaper. Even though I didn't want to attract toxic relationships anymore, I didn't. I didn't want to feel unfulfilled and lonely and have all this drama in my life anymore. And I'd proclaim it. I would say it over and over again, everyone in my life. I'd write it in my journal. I'd say it to my therapist. And then once I, you know, had to start going into action, locking up the phone and the iPad at night, right? And I did follow through and did that. And man, sitting without that drug for me. And I remember I said to myself, I mean, I've been doing so good. It's like, same with any addiction, you guys. I've been doing so good. I've done this for a week. I mean, you know, and then woe's me, right? I have no plans. It's a Friday night. Like, I can at least go online and, like, shop online or. Or do something like that. And that's how I convinced myself. And then there I was on my hands and knees with that combination lock in the dark in my fucking closet as a grown woman who, by the way, had $2 million in the bank at the time, so the money was irrelevant. And I was like, I'm sick. I was like, I'm sick. Like, it's not just people who overeat or gamble or, you know, do heroin. Like, I have a fucking problem. This is how I avoid feeling and dealing with things and working through my stuff is I avoid it by being fixated and focused on other people.

And this is why I was called to share this, because, yes, like, we want the abundance and. But, you know, having the 2 million in the bank didn't mean jack shit if you're in the fetal position. On the floor. Me having millions of people shouting my name and millions in the bank and feeling so alone and all of it didn't mean shit because I was out of integrity. And certain things in my life and it's these very things that, you know, you say, oh, you need a strategy. Yeah, no, I mean, she had a good strategy locking that shit up and still she was like, there. I had all the best strategy in the world and here I am with a bottle of schnapps in my hand and breaking my boundaries just to feel a hit of oxytocin or enoughness. And we know we are walking this even in real time, because life's going to keep coming at you when you are approaching new levels and new things to bring joy and abundance and love and light to the world. That Satan thing is going to come in and try and knock you down and hit your vulnerable spots. And that's been happening for both of us even in recent times. And we have to use the tools that we work with each other and all of our clients and on the daily. It doesn't stop just because we're successful and we have thriving businesses. It does not stop. In fact, that's when we need to be more aware and more conditioned in using our tools in the daily. So that when this does creep up, I can say, I'm not picking up that fucking bottle of schnapps and you are not going to unlock that box. And that is why bringing the two of us together to do this work with you, so that you can do all the things that you say you want, whether it's love, light, money, freedom, it's going to disrupt your life no matter what. And having the two of us there to light the path and hold you up and kick your ass a little bit to keep going is why we're here today in this two parter and what we're about to bring to you. So you're way better at articulating.

You mean selling?

Fuck you. No, you wrote the page, so I did. So go Virgo. Go Virgo. It's your birthday.

Oh my God. Don't we love Tracy. I love it. It's like how I love when you are like, I'm not good at like promoting and sharing stuff. Meanwhile, you are highly successful in the car industry and in network marketing, which are all about selling. It's just makes me laugh and have.

The worst stigma of sellers in the world.

You're so. You're so damn funny. Here's the deal. You have to be willing to do wildly uncomfortable and hard things in order to have all the stuff you say you want. There is no way around it. Does that mean it has to be miserable or working 12 hours a day or blowing up your life to get it? No, it doesn't have to be that way. But I'll tell you this right now, if you don't go all in, at some point in your life, it will blow up for you. So you can either get ahead of it and go after it or you can wait till it blows up. I mean, you have to ask yourself the question of what is it costing me to stay where I'm currently at in my life year over year over year over year? What is that costing me to do that versus what will it cost me for me to be scared and me to be uncomfortable and me to do hard things and go all in? You might not be there yet, but if you are there yet, Traci and I have put together a revolutionary group coaching program that guaranteed you will not find anywhere else. To be blunt, it's not highly profitable and it requires a shit ton of time and energy and bandwidth from Tracy and myself. So we created let's get down to business. It's a six week live group coaching program. You get 12 live sessions with us, plus thousands and thousands of dollars in bonuses and support material and a community. And what this is designed is you're going to get the exact step by step strategy to grow your business and get it to where you want it to go no matter what level you're at in your business. And you're also going to be able to uncover what is blocking you from having that money, what is blocking you from having that abundance, what is blocking you from having the relationships you desire and what the hel to do next. What are the next steps? Because knowing it is one thing, but you've got to know what to do with it. And you're going to be sandwiched by us both. In the coaching world we're known as the TNT sandwich because when you are sandwiched by us both to the top coaches that there are in the coaching world in our respective fields, you are covered on the mindset and the soul healing side and on the strategy side and you can't have one without the other. We had 25 spots because we can only take 25 people. I think you can understand by now in the conversation why we can only take 25 people. Five of the spots are already gone. So you're going to want to go check out all the details on the Website, which it's at. Projectmewithtiffany.com forward slash get down. Like, get down to business. Projectmewithtiffaly.com forward slash get down. It's also in the Lincoln bio on both Tracy's and mine, our Instagram. So you know, hers at tracyomalley and I'm at Project Me with Tiffany. Take a look and just ask yourself that question. Like, how badly is it that I want this life that I keep manifesting, praying about, declaring, writing about, Do I want it badly enough to do something wildly uncomfortable and go all in? If you're not there yet, then you're not there yet. If you don't want it bad enough, no judgment from us. You have to want it so bad that you can taste it and that you're so sick and tired of being sick and tired. That's who's perfect for this program. And you. And again, you might not be there yet. And that's okay.

That is okay. And you know, one of the things that we both had to do is kind of go in blind when we had to disrupt our life. We didn't have a me or a Tiffany back then. You know, not only will you have the guidance, you will have the support from two people who have walked this journey and continue to walk this journey. The other part about this that Tiffany was like, no, I don't want to do this part. It's scary.

Oh, I forgot. See, I forgot. Isn't that funny?

You know, this is where I'll come in.

I conveniently forgot. All right, go ahead.

Yeah, See, this was the part that I know is the secret sauce too, for some of you. You're like, yeah, I do want this. And then some, like, I am really ready. And so there is a one on one coaching component where you would get four one on one sessions, two with each of us at the front end and the back end of this six week thing that is customizable. Like, can you imagine, and it's way less than what we normally do hourly for our services that you have that component. No other coaches out there. Like, in fact, coaches are saying you guys are fucking lunatic.

Oh, without a doubt.

I mean, facts.

Yeah, because it's not even. I was as a strategist. Look, I just forgot to mention it to you guys because I still have resistance to it. Because as a strategist and a business person, the math doesn't make sense. It is not in our favor. But it's in your favor and it.

Is in your favor. And this is where my zone Comes in like this. The ripple effect of this will pay us dividends we will never see, but we will feel energetically and quite honestly, that makes a lot of fucking sense. And so we are bringing. Let's get down to business to you. You guys, honestly, this is what 50 years of life and shit shows and experience have brought me to. And I know you're sitting on your very experience that is meant to help the world and make the impact that you want, not just in the world, but in your bank account and have the freedom and choices that we all deserve. But it's going to cost you something. And we are here to help you navigate that process. Tiff, I am so excited to do this with you. You guys, I know that I can feel the energy. I'm fired up. And anybody that's around me knows that I'm burning hot all the time.

You're the hottest, coldest person I know. Like, meaning cold. Like she's like free either freezing, but then her skin is boiling hot. It's so weird.

If you've ever hugged me, like, I can be chilly, but, like, you'll. You'll, like. I'll burn you if you hug me. And I'm in this zone and I'm feeling that for each and every one of you listening right now, because I know you're tired of it. I was 40 years old before I got my shit together.

Really.

And I know that you guys have been waiting for this. And if you're listening and you feel the rumble in your belly, but it's scaring you. The investment is scaring you. The vulnerability is scaring you. The. Oh, my God, how will this disrupt my life is scaring you. That is who this is for. You are fucking ready. And when the student is ready, the teachers appear. And there are not two better teachers that could walk you on this journey than Tiffany. And I know this with all my being. And I'm a cocky ass motherfucker sometimes, but I don't speak it unless I believe it. And I don't get told what to do. So this is something I really believe with everybody. If I'm taken tomorrow, like, this work is what I'm here to do. And if I die after this six weeks, like, I know that I've done everything I'm supposed to do here on earth and I know that the 20 of you that are still left to pull the trigger on this, we have payment plans. We have, outside of our comfort zone, payment plans that we're so passionate about making sure this is accessible to Each and every one of you, with every kind of obstacle you have. If you want this and you need this, like, we have made it so it's possible for you. We have. I want to know what you're thinking. I want you to screenshot this right now. I know we just kind of, like, sandwiched the fuck out of you between part one and part two, and you're like, holy moly, that's what I want. And I'm terrified. That means you're in the right place. Screenshot this. Tag Tiffany. Rojectmewithtiffany and me. Tracyomalley. Tell us what you're thinking, how scared you are, how excited you are, how, like, zero fucks given zone you're in right now, because that's what's gonna be required. We live and breathe that. And, you know, we've got an exciting week ahead of us. You know, I know that the applications are coming in as we speak right now. I mean, who knows, by the time you're listening to this, the cart's already been open a day. Who knows, they might be all filled up. So don't wait. If you have an inkling that this is what you want to do, say yes. I'm tired of doing things the old way. I'm ready to do this. We would be honored to have you go to projectmewithtiffany.com getdown and it's going to be a hell of a ride. Tiff, what else do you have to say to these people before we close out?

You know, for once in your life, say fuck yes to yourself. Because you've spent most of your life where you've put yourself on the back burner or you've put yourself on the side or wants to do something different and put you first and just see what happens.

You know, this. The ripple effect of this, like, it may feel like you're sacrificing time or money with or for people that you care about, but this very thing will light your entire life on fire. And this is the most loving thing you can do for the people you care about, is to put yourself first. And for something like this, for something that your soul is calling you to do, the fuck yes is required right now. So we look forward to it. I can't wait to hear what y' all are thinking about the sandwich podcast episodes, too. Can you imagine, like, six weeks of this between the two of us?

People are like, oh, my God, I'll be sweating the entire time.

Well, I am, so I can only imagine you are. But until then, you know I love you guys. I'm so grateful that you show up to hear me and Tiffany every day. I know a lot of you listen to us both and have found each other. Found her through me and me through her. And we don't take that responsibility lightly. We are passionate about serving you at the greatest, highest level with no bullshit, with all the stuff that nobody wants to tell you because it's messy. We're here. We got you and we are here to help you be the ultimate leader in all areas of your life. We will see you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyamalli. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy o'malley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.