EP168: Client Spotlight: Hannah—How an Enneagram 3 Can Stop Plowing Through Their Life

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Well, you guys are in for a treat because it is another client spotlight day. And I met this amazing gem of a beautiful girl. Gosh, it was probably about a year ago this time. I think it was last summer. We connected and she's all the way from Australia. And get this, she is younger than my youngest child by a month. So when I met her and was talking to her, I could not believe that she was only 23 years old and was running a multiple, multiple six figure business while going to university at the same time. And, you know, navigating all these different things as a. She was 22 when I met her, so it was crazy. And just when you hear how wise and put together this beautiful girl is, it won't surprise you, first of all, that she's an enneagram3, because they just got their shit together and we were just talking about it and I was catching up with her and I was saying, God dang it, I wish I was an enneagram 3 most days, because you just. You see a goal, you set a goal, and you crush goals. That being said, we all want to be threes, don't we? But it comes with a dark side that really can wreak havoc on parts of your life and. And your purpose and the joy that you do or do not have in your life. And it was a cool story how we ended up meeting, but I that a lot of you listening like me are a little envious of the enneagram3 because they just make it happen. I really, I. I'm crying right now, just, like, thinking about stuff I need to do, and it's like, God, channel that three in me somewhere. And I got no three in me. I have some behaviors, but it's only when I blow up my life that I can be three. Like, and I don't want to do that. So I really want you guys to hear that although we may think it comes easy for the Enneagram 3, it isn't. It isn't. And I honestly, I have so much compassion for the Enneagram 3, much more than I used to. I used to, like, secretly judge them for needing all this attention because they are the achiever. They do believe at their core that a lot of their worth comes from what they do, how they appear, and what they achieve. So that comes with a big price. If their entire motive is based on their worth being tied to that, you can see where this can go sideways on them. But there's nothing better than watching an enneagram 3 understand that honoring themselves for who they are, not necessarily what they do, is where all the good, juicy parts of life is at, even for an enneagram3. So, Hannah, I'm so excited that you're here. Welcome.

Thanks for having me. What an introduction.

Well, you are amazing, girl. You are one of my favorite, favorite clients of all time. And I don't say that to everybody. I say it a few times, but you really, really are. I was blown away at the wisdom and posture at 22 years old that you came to me with. And, you know, I was really surprised. I'm like, where did this cute little nugget come from? All the way from Australia. So let them know, kind of how you ended up doing any work with me and how you found me in general.

Yeah, it was actually a crazy story because I was never, like, looking for an Enneagram coach and, to be honest, didn't even really know what the Enneagram was. Beyond the memes, pretty much.

They're fun, aren't they?

Yes, they are fun, and I could always relate to them, but that's as deep as it went. But how I met you. So I was a VA for a client, and she had a podcast, and basically I would write the show notes for her podcast. So I listened to all of her episodes, and I remember listening to yours and basically almost being in tears of, like, I have never met this person. But I feel like I have had such transformation just from listening to the episode. And just so much of your story I resonated with, and I was like, I just, you know, there's some people you hear about, and you're like, I just need them in my life in some capacity. And so basically, when stalking you, not gonna lie. And, yeah, just looked at, like, all your Instagram stories on the Enneagram and listened to some of your podcast, and I was like, I just need to learn more from this Person. So booked a typing session, and that's kind of where it all started, basically.

So when you came to me for the typing session, had you taken an online assessment before, the one that I sent you at all?

Yes, I had taken a few. I think I'd done maybe a few paid ones and a few, like, free ones, but every time I got the assessment back, it was, like, such a mix. And also, I just didn't know, like, couldn't decipher what it was. But I did think I was a three coming to you. But, yeah, had no idea what that meant, basically.

Well, and you guys have heard me say that those online assessments are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. And I usually send the people that do a typing session with me. One of the ones that I actually sort of like. I mean, they're. They're all just a beginning, and. And Hannah's came back a six on the paid one, and she's not a six. But you'll hear in this episode where six comes into play, though, for a three. So we did the typing session. We did determine you were a three, for sure. What was your first, like, aha moment in the beautiful parts of your three ness and the parts of the three that really drive you crazy?

It's very hard to narrow it down to one thing. I feel like I was, like, mind blown the whole time. I think something that, for me was really powerful was actually understanding my growth points and my stress points because it gave language to when I was unhealthy and when I was, like, in health. And so for me, especially that unhealthy, because I was at, I would say, unhealthy phase. And so I covered it well. But as soon as you went into the stress points, I was like, yeah, that's really where I am. And so that was my real aha moment, was actually just giving language to where I was at and what I was feeling when I couldn't really articulate it. So that was really powerful for me.

And that being said, this is something that threes are notorious for, is their stress number is like the unhealthy part of the nine on the Enneagram. The thing about the three is they'll be in that, and you'll never know it, because this is kind of when they take a little sabbatical where they, you know, go retreat a little bit, and they can package it up in a way that looks very honoring and very masking it and come subconscious to them, because for them to go into that lazy, spirited nine that can happen sometimes. They won't want the world to see that. And so for those of you that love or lead three, if you see all of a sudden retreating happen, just do a well check on them and just let them know you love them. They still may not tell you. Right. Because most of your world didn't know you were in an unhealthy spot.

No, they probably thought I was very healthy and was. I was healthy in a lot of areas, but deep down it was that it would be like temporary health, like it was good, I was happy, but then something would happen and I'd be like turned off. But I'd be the only one that really knew.

So yeah, and that can be very like for threes, it can feel. You've heard the phrase, it's lonely at the top. And I think for a three more than any other type, that rings true because it's almost like you hit these finish lines and then it's like what's next? Or you can't share some of the struggles. You can, but you choose not to sometimes because you don't want people to think less of you because of that achiever quality in you. And so for a three to lean in to support in real time in that vulnerability, because the underlying emotion is shame. For a three, which you wouldn't think that is there, but because they're really good at covering it up. I know that when you came to me there was a level of that kind of going on. You had lost some of kind clients or something had gone on and it wasn't feeling real good. And so for those of you that are a three or love a three or lead a three, lean in, lean into them. You guys lean into others. So your growth number is the six, which that was her top score. So a lot of these times these assessments will have you either show up with your top score as like your health number, your stress number or a wing more often than your actual type. Because we lean into these other coping mechanisms and skill sets, especially if you know we're in business. Well, lean into heavier, personally developed self sometimes and, and have that come up. So the six in you that loyalist that strategist, which you're a really good strategist, that's your growth number. How do you use your growth number today? Like being more aware of it, like you said, giving language to it.

Yeah, definitely. The strategy part is where I lean into a lot for business. But I have found as well, something you said when we were coaching was like enneagram threes. It's like one way or the highway, and it's like bulldoz, get there. Whereas sixes have a few options, like backup options. And so that for me has been really powerful because I lean into that going, it's not the end of the world if something doesn't work out, there is other options. And so that has been really helpful because business is a roller coaster ride. And so I have had to lean into that a lot and that's been.

Helpful A lot of times. I explain the wings this way that, you know, if you watch a movie, your main character in the movie gets a lot of the shout outs and the praise, right? And that's like our main type, our core type, that doesn't change. But a lot of times the main character is not the right person for the show, right? Whether it's business, personal relationships, just anything in general. And sometimes that three in you isn't the right person for the job. And so as a three, you have the ability to tap into your two wing, which is your compassionate helper or, or on the other side of you is that 4 Wing, which is that romantic, individualist, creative. How do you use your wings today when your 3ness isn't the right star for the show? How do you lean into your wings today?

Yeah, I think naturally I leaned more into a 2 or I knew how to lean more into my 2 when I needed to be kind of compassionate, whether it was with clients, whether it was with just helping people in general, with business was a skill I really needed to lean into so that I didn't just have that like one mind, keep bulldozing through. But it was actually a place where I could help them get more transformation because I was able to go more into their shoes and go with that empathy level. But to be honest, I, before working with you, didn't think I could tap into a four. I thought it was two or four and they're your options and you can't have both. And when you said you have some four, I was like, wait, what? Because I had never considered myself creative at all. Couldn't sing, couldn't all of those things. But when you said that, I was like, oh, maybe I can. And so a lot of that, like, not so much ideas, but just the, like, hey, what can we do here? Like, let's be creative here. Let's think outside the box. Let's like all of that part. Yes, it's some six, but I think it's a lot of four in thinking and like letting myself be emotional in a Healthy way, like letting myself feel and, like, be okay with that. And so when I actually learned I can do both and experience both, I think that's actually when my three got a lot healthier because it was like allowing me to tap into both.

You know, that's one of the things that not a lot of people talk about when it comes to the wings is, you know, you think you only have one. Well, you know, honestly, the less work you've done or the more well rounded you get, the more you're able to toggle between the wings. And honestly, I mean, you've got these two beautiful tools right in your tool bel. So learning the dance between the two. I mean, obviously, sometimes the two's the right star for the show, sometimes the four is. But the more that you can use them to support that three in you, the more you're able to go the distance, you really, really will. And the more that you're gonna find fulfillment in what you do, it's never gonna change the three in you for sure. Cause you're gonna be a three. You're a three through and through. But I have found that sometimes, especially when we have to, when that three in you wants to just be like, bulldozing through like you do, but you know, your growth number six, that's not a natural go to for you. So you've got the four and two saying, hey, lady, we may want to slow our roll a little bit, and let's look at things a little bit differently. Like, what's the most effective thing? What's the most cool thing? What's in it for me? That's the four in you, right? So learning to use both your wings, if you've got the tools there, learning how to use them is part of. Part of the. The beauty in the enneagram and the framework of it. So if you think about it, you know, most of us just focus on our main type. But just in this five minutes of what we've talked about, you've got your three that, you know and you can do in your sleep. You've got the two and the four right in your tool belt. If you need, You've got the six, which is your growth number. You've got the nine is like your warning light. Like, hello, hello. And here's the other thing. You can use the healthy parts of that nine, too. Like, you can use that Yoda wisdom of the nine, too. That's five different enneagram types that if you get skilled in integrating these in your life, you can see how More well rounded you are and more ability. You will have to speak to your ideal clients, your customers, your families, your friends, all across the board. So like for every Enneagram type, you're going to end up with five really cool types that you can work very fluently with. That leaves only four to kind of learn. Isn't that cool?

Yeah, it's amazing.

So you know that I'm all about integration because yeah, the memes are fun and having the information is great, but if you don't know what to do with it, just like having these tools, like if you don't know what to do with it, they're just really cool tools in your tool belt that you don't know what to do with. What has the impact of integrating all these tools done in your life and like business first, because you came to me not sure if you wanted to continue in the businesses you're. And you were doing really well.

Yeah, so many ways I think like I'm always big believer that like business is the best self development tool around and I was learning a lot and growing myself a lot. But I think for me, the integration, like I was just like, if I can get a business coach who knows strategy, then I can improve my business or it's going to help my business. And yes, of course there are seasons where you need strategy, but I would say I just thought I could get an answer externally, but what I really needed was someone to actually help me look intern. And that as soon as I went through that process. And to be honest, we talked more about me than my business throughout our coaching. Like, we didn't really talk a huge amount about business, but that's what I needed because as soon as I had those mindset shifts and just I think like you said with the enneagram9, like that was my warning light. And I never had that. Well, I did, but you know, no language to it.

When you shame yourself for it and you shame yourself for it instead of like compassionately give yourself some grace. Right?

100%. Yeah. And so even if I was achieving something then I wasn't actually internally enjoying that. It was just like, all right, next thing next. So I think for me, the integration of the Enneagram has helped in more than one way. Like practically financially speaking, it was my best income year that year by far. And so of course the repercussions in my business was huge. But it also, it helped heal so much of my mindsets around business. Like if I failed in something, it was like the end of the world. But you helped me learn that it wasn't the end of the world. There was just things I could do to process it. And so that has really helped. It also helped a lot in my decision making as a business owner because I was able to not just think about me, but also think about the person in a healthy way. It wasn't like, I'm going to bend over backwards and mask myself and like sacrifice me to make you happy. It was like, how can we meet in the middle? And they honestly didn't even know that was happening behind the scenes. But it just helped give me a framework and a. And a space to go. Okay, how can I be healthy right now? How can I think about this decision? How can I do this? What are the things coming into play? And that that has honestly been life changing, both in my business and my personal life. And so, yeah, it's the best. Seriously. I cannot rave more about it.

You're awesome. One of the things that I find for people is finding this harmony. Like when you are showing up as you. Even though you wear a lot of different hats as a business owner, as a student, as a daughter, as a friend, that's a lot of hats to wear, especially at your age. On top of it, right?

Yeah.

And what I find with people is, is when they know how to integrate this information in the framework of the Enneagram in their life, they don't end up energetically bankrupt.

Totally.

And it feels more harmonious moving through the parts of their life. How have you seen that change for you? Because, I mean, burning the candle at both ends will have your body breaking down. Which, you know, we had talked about that a little bit. Two threes are notorious for breaking down their body.

Totally. Yeah. I explain it like I basically had this bottle inside of me and everything that would happen, it would just keep piling up, piling up. And then every so often it would burst and explode and everything around it would happen. And so then I would be out for two weeks just recovering from that. And so it was so much of like a high, low, high, low, high, low, the two extremes of the both. And it was exhaust doing that because even when you're in a load, you've still got commitments to clients and family gatherings and like all of these things. And so it was very. I think I just got so tired of trying to like keep it all up, like keeping up this whole appearance that it was exhausting. And so I found when I integrated it, there's so many less extremes and it's more of a Like, hey, I'm not feeling so great today. What can I do about it? And I recover a lot quicker and a lot healthier. Like, I am a lot physically healthier, emotionally healthier. And I just, I think I enjoy the days a lot more, no matter what they look like. And so that has been, like you said, it's no longer a drain each day. It's like, hey, I can handle this and if I'm not, why, and yeah, that's been really powerful.

I love that. Something that you said a little bit ago was that in our time together, we didn't talk a lot about business and strategy. It was an inside job. However, the impact of the inside job on your business, you said you had the biggest year you've ever had. Why do you like, I know why, because, I mean, I know why, because I do this all day and I know why this is so important. But why do you believe? For those that are listening out there right now, like, not sure, like they want to tackle this inside job thing, why do you think it's made the impact it has on your bottom line, income wise?

So many reasons. I think one reason was like, I was just so. I thought the answers were externally. So honestly, I was waiting for a coach to tell me what to do. And I think as soon as I did the inside work, I was like, hey, I actually know more than I realize or I am more capable than I realize. And so for me, that was huge in understanding and giving language to me and others throughout, like business. And that helped a lot. The other thing was it unblocked so many mindset and like, you know, mindset in the business world, it's talked about like, you know, you're limiting beliefs and just get rid of your beliefs totally. And you know, yes, we have limiting beliefs for sure. But I think for me, the way that was educated in the business world was a shame thing for me, which is very enneagram3. But it was like, man, I can't have this limiting belief. I need to just, just push it aside and try and get through. But it was always temporary pushes. And that was the thing. It was like, okay, I'd push that aside one day and the next day I'd face it again. Whereas the enneagram, it actually helped me fully clear it. And if it came back again, I had the tools to fully clear it again. But it wasn't this band aid fix approach. It was actually really healing. That's just one of the reasons, you.

Know what, you nailed it. And that I think a Lot of what's out there in the personal development world because it is messy. And I mean, there were some crying moments we had together. Both of us together.

I'm pretty sure every goal.

Yeah. And it's like, you wouldn't think that, especially a three. Threes don't love that part, but you leaned into it. And I'm so excited for you and your future. At your age, I can't even believe you're 23. You're so willing, honest, open to the process. And thank you for trusting me with that. It's a big deal. What were blind spots you had before that you were oblivious to that. Now you notice as an enneagram 3.

Many.

One for me was there are so many. But probably one that stands out was when I did go into the nine, like, cave in and like, not, you know, lie on my bed for two weeks and not talk. But it was just that, like, internal, like, struggle and resistance and tension and anger, and it was, like, not fun. And that was a blind spot because I didn't realize the full extent of what was happening when that did happen. And so that was a huge blind spot. Another blind spot was I just thought I was. Everyone liked being productive and everyone liked getting goals done, but I realized actually that that is not for everyone. And so a huge blind spot was actually with other people. I think I would become not emotion, like, not with no emotions, but it was just like, why are you not doing this? Let's go, let's keep going. And so after working together, more aware of that and how I was in a situation with other people around that was really helpful for me to be aware of. And also, I just always moved the finish line. Like, I was kind of aware of it, but not to the extent that you explained.

So, you know, when a goal was achieved, I would just keep moving it, or if a goal wasn't achieved, I would move it back. So I feel like it was achieved. And so that was like, yeah, a huge blind spot I had as well.

That's a huge thing for an enneagram3 to especially realize that other people aren't wired like you as far as the productivity speed in which you guys go, because you'll miss some miracles along the way. And, you know, the thing is, is when you power through life and business like you guys tend to when. I mean, that's why we all love you so much, too. But you'll also miss support that you could actually have with people who have skill sets that are different than you, which is so funny. Because before we hit record, we were talking about you going into business and doing a project with one of your friends who's very different than you. She's an enneagram9, and you're doing a partnership together. And I believe that the three in you wouldn't have allowed yourself to slow down enough for somebody as a nine. That can go at a very different pace.

Yeah, yeah. It's so true. Yeah, very true.

You were a year ago, kind of sitting, listening, and you were transcribing and writing the show notes for that podcast. And, you know, where you were at mentally and emotionally, even though the world may not have. For the person that's listening right now that is afraid to raise their hand and say, you know, I got some work to do, but I've got, like, this facade I'm kind of keeping on, or I don't want to disrupt my life or my world to do some of this stuff. What would you say to them? And why do you believe someone should be digging in a little bit deeper for this work?

Totally. And I knew that I needed to work on different parts, but I had also tricked myself to believe that it was better than it was. And so I think I didn't really realize the full extent and the full transformation that could happen when I did the work and when I did get coaching. But something I will say is that I had tried counseling before. I had tried group coaching programs before. Like, I tried it all. And I found that, like, especially as an enneagram3, I needed a safe space. And so I had tried to do the work before, but it wasn't in the right setting and context. And so for me, I had to, one, be ready to do it, and two, find the right space to do it so that it could be done in a healthy way. Because I think there are a lot of times we want to, you know, get better and all of those things, but it's just like, I don't know how to do it, or you'll try and reach out to a friend, and they won't be equipped to help. And so, like, that's why, I mean, hey, look, I'm just promoing you because you're amazing. But I really did need that safe space to do the work, and I think that was a really important factor. And then if you're, like, on the edge of, like, I don't know, do this or not, like, I would always think, oh, man, like, what if they judge me? And what if this comes up? And what if this. But I had to Start asking myself, well, what if it does come up? And that really helps me get better. And so that for me was like, I had to flick the switch to go, what if this goes wrong? To like, what if this actually really helped? And it obviously did. But yeah, it's like, okay, this could go really bad or it could go really good. And I'm going to focus on it going really good.

Yeah, I think it's really important what you said. There's a lot of great marketing out there telling you that they can hold space for you.

Yeah.

And I'm going to tell you right now, a lot of it's bullshit. It is bravo to them. I'm a shitty marketer, but I can definitely straight shoot you and hold that space. And thank you for what you said. I am great at what I do, but I'm only as great as you on the other end are willing, honest and open to do the work. Because it's like I'm just another tool in the toolbox. If you don't learn how to lean into it and use it, it's just a really very expensive tool.

And somebody on the other line that will call you on it. It's like, listen, I'm here. I'm Team Hannah. I'm all in. There's zero judgment. I'm a vault. Let's do this thing so you can execute and step into the calling that's been on your life even at the age of 23 years old. My dear, you are incredible. You really, really are. And it has been such an honor growing with you. I mean, I grew with you too. Like I learned something even from a 23 year old, y', all. And. And she made me better. Where can people find you if they want to learn more about what you're doing?

Yes, I mainly on instagram @with HannahAndCo and same for my website with HannahAndCo.com but yeah, I'm just. I love the experience I had with you. Like, it's something I treasure so much. And even honestly listening to your podcast episodes on each thing, it's like, man, she reads my mail. I love it so much. It's so good.

Yeah, you know, it's. That's the beauty in understanding and integrating. This is. Most people spend two to three minutes with me and either they're really drawn to it cause I can read their mind, or they run like hell cause I can read their mind. So. And I'm okay with either. And if that's you listening right now and you're like, okay, that's what I needed to hear. And you want some help with this? I do have some spots opening up right now. You can go to tracyomalley.com the work with me section to find out which flavor of work you want to do. You can also find me@instagram tracyomalley. We've got some cool stuff coming up group wise where you'll get a little bit of strategy and a little bit of this internal work all wrapped up into one that's coming very, very soon too. So my dear, I appreciate you so much. I love you and I can't wait to see what this world does with your beautiful light. Thanks for being on.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyamalley. You can also also find additional resources on my website@tracy omalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.