EP170: What Would the ‘Little You’ Do? Tips to Help You Dive Into the REAL Work Holding You Back

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

So we have this thing in Arizona called monsoon season. And I grew up in the Midwest, so the only thing I knew about the weather was tornado season, ice cold winter, disgustingly humid summers. We did have this moment in the fall that's beautiful, about two seconds in the spring, that was amazing. But here In Arizona, about 300 plus days of the year, it's perfectly sunny. And for about nine of those months, the weather is like, why we all live here. That being said, none of you move here. It's been crazy the last 27 years that I've lived here, just watching the growth in Arizona. But anywho, the reason I'm talking about monsoon season, it's pretty cool, I gotta say. Like, you know, mid July is when it happens, or July actually. And I try to get out here in July because it's freaking hot. It's like 110 plus usually. But in Arizona, we have monsoon season and it's like these all of a sudden come out of nowhere, torrential rainstorms. And they usually don't last very long, but it brings humidity. Sometimes it brings the dust storms, otherwise known as haboobs. But anyway, I like monsoon season, but I don't like multiple days of rain. Growing up in Chicago, you know, the weather really affected me. The winters were terrible. As far as obvious, you know, snow, wind, you name it. Chicago's brutal in the winter. But what I don't like about multiple days of rain isn't what it produces because it's beautiful, it's calming, it's great here because it drops the weather about 40 degrees. So we were like in the 70s during that first rain. These few days of this monsoon that we were just coming out of and makes everything green. Like I said, it feels like the Midwest, which I love. It's pretty cool. And you know, rainbows are pretty awesome too. But the weather for me has always Felt very restrictive, you know, growing up the way that I did in a really rough house, being outside was where I was the happiest always. I was always playing sports, I was always getting dirty. I, you know, I was not one that really had Barbies. I had like cars. I loved playing with cars and basketballs and all sorts of things. Anything outside, I felt most at peace because it felt like the only time I could escape the roughness. And I promise you there is something in this for you and your business in this little story time that I'm giving you. So, you know, when the monsoon comes for a day, I'm all right with it. You know, everybody here in Arizona freaking loves the rain. It's like the front of every news story. It's like, have you all never seen rain before? But they lose their ever loving mind. Don't get me started on the drivers here. They're terrible. I digress. Anyway, back to the story. So we had like three days in a row of it, and it was a lot of rain and it was pretty and the sound is great. Yes. But it brought like, in my body, this is something I want to teach you guys, like cognitively and in my brain and in my mind. Yes. I love the rain. That's great. I even got in the feels a little bit. But my nervous system didn't forget. Your body never forgets. And I'm going to encourage you. And this was something I didn't learn till honestly about five years ago about, you know, the body being the compass of all things. You know, so often we just go to what's in our head first. What's in our head. And that, honestly is the last line of defense, in my opinion. It goes in the order of your body, your soul, your heart, and then your head. But so often we go backwards, which I did for a number, number of years. Because in our head we can control things, right? Or so we think. We can't control the freaking weather. News flash. So anyway, even though I was like loving how it looked and all the things I mentioned before, my body was going into a state that I'm very aware of. I always tune into my body first and it was having a little anxiety, quite honestly. And I was like, okay, what's this about? Because if I'm using my head, I could be like, ah, screw it. Power through, power through. It's not that big a deal. But I want you to really lean into the compass that is your body. So I was kind of like getting in a pissy mood too. On top of it. And an Enneagram 8 in a pissy mood is probably multiplied by about 10 to the average person, right? So I was getting cranky, plus I wasn't sleeping very well, plus a bunch of other shit, right? So by Saturday I was just like, I woke up and it was another day of rain. I was like, I don't feel productive in it. And I kind of just went out on my back patio for a second. Instead of just letting it take me and run with me and feeling controlled by it, I kind of just tapped into that little version of me. Little T is what I call her Little T. And I have a few different versions of her that I tap into depending on what I'm feeling in my body. And I could recognize this was like 10 year old T, right? 10 year old T when all hell was breaking loose in her home. And you know, she was finally starting to understand the dynamics of all of this and what it all meant. And knowing that although this was horrible, this was going to matter for something one day. But that version of me really had a hard time. And she was the one who felt like she was being controlled all the time. So I'm an enneagram8 by nature. Then throw in the circumstances of that environment and it's like next level. And I could feel that in my body on Saturday.

So for those of you that have had a lot of trauma or you don't remember much about your childhood, I understand how hard this might be at first. Ten years ago, I could not have done this without consistency, a willingness, an open mind and an open heart and some guidance, quite honestly. So I sat out on the patio and it was basically, I could kind of envision me today and me and that 10 year old me who had a lot of pain. And I asked her, if there were no restrictions, there were no rules and no consequences that you were afraid of, what would you want to be doing right now in this rain? Because the weather in Chicago used to keep me inside, which was very painful and very traumatizing and very controlled and stressful. And so as I sat there on the patio, I could almost imagine her looking at me and saying, let's get on the bike and go for a ride. And if you have known me at all or you're one of my old friends back from Chicago, Illinois, my nickname was Pig Penny growing up because I always loved the dirt. As a little girl, I was playing in it, rolling in it. When I played sports and baseball and softball, I was always covered in it. Plus you could eat My dust and that 10 year old little girl wanted to be a little pig pen. So we got on the bike, it was pouring rain, we have canals here in Arizona and boom, all the mud was all over the place and I felt alive and free.

And I could feel her like not bracing for impact anymore. I felt myself exhale for the first time in a while. I've been really struggling with some cortisol issues because you know, my old ways of growing up in that environment was a constant state of fight or flight. And the reason I'm telling you this is because this impacts every area of your life. In leadership, in your home, especially in your businesses and your partnerships and your friendships, in your love partnerships. It affects all of this and this is why this is so important for you to understand. So I went for about two hours on that bike like a pig in shit, was so freaking happy. But not only that, it was quite the resistance workout. Also for the quads, for those of you wondering, but the creativity and the inspiration to bring more beautiful things to you that can serve you in a way that you can receive it. I have a hard time being one of these content creators. I'm so instinctual and I'm so intuitively led that it's very hard for me to plan. I can do it because we can learn how to do anything, but it doesn't feel really comfortable for me. So doing something like that, when we can tap into that little kid in you, whatever version it is, I have the 4, the 10 and the 17 year old that usually have to come into play in one way or the other. And when I let this beautiful 10 year old who was carrying the weight of the freaking world on her shoulders be free and alive and it actually, oh, I'm feeling it in my heart. There was only one person in my life that let me ever feel that, ever that ever checked in on that and let me be that little kid. And that was my uncle Mike who passed away a little over two years ago. But even when those people have left us, whether it was a parent or a sibling or an aunt or an uncle or a mentor or teacher, even when they leave the earth, you know, we can do our healing without those people present. You know, even if you have trauma from a parent, a friend, a mentor, you know, whatever, the good news is we can do our own healing with or without those people, right? And I could stay in the sadness of what it was and all of that, or I can choose to use it to matter for something bigger, but we can't Bypass our own healing in order to have the lesson or to have a teachable moment for a long, long time, I could understand what happen, and then, boom. I could take you through an action. I could take you through a methodology of action. But what happens is when you try to do that without really healing and feeling your way through it, it's going to show up again, and then you're going to have imposter syndrome. So especially for those of you that are in the online space, coaches, mentors, you might hit that when you're like, oh, shit, there's this layer here I didn't know about, and who the hell am I to take people through it? Right? Yeah, it's powerful. This is why this is so important. So when Little T had the full freedom to be whoever the hell she wanted to be, which she never felt any of her life, it's like fireworks go off in your body in a good way. And I could feel my nervous system relax, which I need. You know, my cortisol levels are not in a good place, and I've been there before, and I know the consequences of that, and I refuse to go back, you know, powering through and sucking it up and hustle and grind. Like, I used to wear those things like a badge of honor. And you don't get it till you get it right. There's nothing worth your health. Nothing. And not just your physical health, but also your emotional health. So after Little T and I got off our bike two hours and ten miles later, we sat down and started to write and write and write. And we felt powerful and beautiful and happy and free, spiritual, free spirit was happening, which, you know, I've had to learn how to allow myself that. So I want to ask you, when you feel like you're being controlled, you know, the enneagram 8, one of their biggest fears is being betrayed, violated, controlled. And even something as simple as the weather, when I completely understand and can look at it and see the beauty in it, the body never lies. So first and foremost, I want you to check in with your body first whenever you feel triggered by something or upset in some way. Very rarely when we get upset does it have anything to do with what is right in front of you. Almost never. Almost never. It is almost like we just, like, nicked a scab or an old wound that didn't heal all the way. And it could be something as simple as the weather. I promise you. You might be thinking, like, really, Tracy? The weather brought all this on? Yes, it freaking did, because the body doesn't forget, yes, it wasn't about the rain, but it was what happened when it rained, right? Also times of day, there's two times of day that really my nervous system never forgets and I have to kind of go into a healing healer mode when those happen. The first one is around 2:33 in the afternoon when I would get home from school and all of a sudden I had to be on my, my shit, bracing for impact, damage control, you know, watching everything like a hawk. My nervous system was on high alert. 2:33pm this even 40, 50 years later, here I am. And though at that time of day I have to be very mindful of it and go back to little T. That is also the 10 year old version of me. And then the other time of day is the golden hour, right when the sun is just about to go down. My body especially knows that time of day because that's when my dad would transition from beer to the harder stuff and Jekyll and Hyde would show up, you wouldn't know which. And so imagine from 2:30 till about 6:30, you know, you're on high alert and then next level come the golden hour. So I'm always watching my body or how I might mindlessly eat, right? And again it's going back to that little version of you. What I said a few minutes ago about if you have a hard time remembering your childhood, I understand that you might be listening right now feeling that's great Trace that you remember all these things and you can tap into her. And I want you to know I didn't, I couldn't until about 10 years ago. And it's not going to happen the first try because there's probably a few different versions of you as a child in there. You know, the first is usually under 10, you know, I would say usually under 8. That's where our beliefs get formed, is that little child. And so often we can look back on those times and understand it from our adult brain. But you have to understand that a child of that age not only saw it, heard it, was modeled it for her or him, but also built a belief around that based on that age, not our adult age. Looking at it from, you know, this bird's eye view. And it didn't happen overnight because I remember the first time I was in therapy and my therapist asked me like what was little T like? What did she like to do? What was she like as a child? And I started to cry because she was never a child. From the age of four I was an adult or so ipod. You know, I felt like I was taking on a lot of adult problems, so I started to cry because I don't remember what it was like to be a child. So, you know, looking at my life and why I got married at 21 and a mom of two by the time I was 25 years old, and, and having no issue with it, it's like I was already a parent most of my life, you know, and playing house, so that wasn't a big deal for me. Right? So you need to understand, if you're somebody that can't access those childhood memories, and you may not understand why you're sabotaging, procrastinating, playing small in your businesses, this has everything to do with freaking leadership, you all. And for those of you that just want strategy and tactical shit that bravo. But you're gonna hit, you wanna know if you're not doing what you wanna do. And you know, you have these things coming up, it's this shit that is holding it back. And I'm gonna do a whole nother episode around the money, my mindset and blocks, because that's pretty powerful too. But I want you to know there's a little child in you, a couple versions of you, that is scared. And the defense and coping mechanisms that you've learned along the way kept her either him or her feeling either safe, protected, significant, certain of situations. And it helped you survive. It helped you survive. And although it did that, it did its job early on, it's not serving you today because that little kid is still running scared of whatever. And I can't tell you exactly what that is through the lines of a podcast because every one of you are different, right? And you have to understand, it's like coaxing a child out of a closet that is terrified, out of their mind. And she doesn't, he or she does not trust you yet. Right? In the case of myself, I couldn't trust the very people that were there to protect me. So why would I trust some stranger named grownup till, right? So it takes consistency, compassion, empathy, grace. And I kept chipping away. And every day I would check in, okay, little T, where are you? What would you do today? And over the last 10 years, I have seen the beautiful girl play out at the age of almost 50. And it's like she's getting her childhood back. And also with that comes the creativity, the drive to bring her gifts and what she's been through to the world, is why I do the work I do today. It has everything to do with little T because I would have fucking died for somebody to help me through this so I wouldn't have to learn a lot of shit the hard way and sabotage financial wealth in certain ways and, and have some parenting things come up that I didn't know how to deal with at the time. It has everything to do with that kid that's scared inside of you. And for those of you that are like, this is really freaking woo. I would have said the same thing 10 years ago. I would have said, you know what? GFY otherwise known as go fuck yourself. Like, seriously, I would have called bullshit a million times over. But if you are running into a pattern where you're taking all the courses, you hired the coaches, you've been in, the masterminds, you're Tony Robbins, you could quote, and you're not moving the needle the way you want. There is something here and I know it seems scary and like a lot to unpack, but I'm telling you, just like with anything, a little bit of daily consistent action with compassion and empathy moves mountains. Moves mountains. It is. The only reason why I was able to go from zero to $1 million income in two years is this shit. It had nothing to do with the systems and it had a little bit to do with it. It had to do with my consistency, my keeping it simple, me showing up authentically. And the only way you're ever going to show up authentically in your business and in your homes and in your relationships is if you set that child that's running scared free. I promise you. I promise you. Promise you. Promise you. It took a while for Little T to come out to play and it took even longer for the 10 year old little T to come out to play because she's the one that has endured the most. She's endured a hell of a lot. And she still has some work to do because she's got a chip on her shoulder and understandably so. So how do you do it? How do you do it? First and foremost, you listen to your body. Where do you feel it? If it's in your throat, a lot of times that means you're not using your voice. So I would always ask Little T, like, what would you have said then? I know you couldn't say it then, but what would you say if you didn't have to worry about how anybody would react, respond, shit getting thrown, whatever, what would you have said then as a compassionate parent sitting across from her.

And all of a sudden I could feel like the tightness in my throat. Lighten up. And my throat chakra get cleared and all of that. If I feel it in my stomach, which is where I felt it most of the time as a child, that means I was stuffing things. So when I check into my body and I feel my stomach's in knots and it's in my gut or like, foods are reacting badly to me, I'll tap into that part of her, like, what were you stuffing? What. What were you feeling that you didn't feel like anybody would listen or could help you with? Because the more that we can reprogram the belief system that that child in you is running scared with, the more that self sabotage, procrastination, playing, small perfectionism, all the things that drive you fricking crazy about yourself, lighten up. And they lighten up with love. Not browbeating yourself out of it, because I could browbeat myself out of that shit and I could get things done. But then, you know, I'd be in a tailspin later, my body would break down. The highs, the lows, all those things. The other thing is just daily, like, look at that part of you. And whether you're a parent or not, if you choose to not be a parent, if you've struggled becoming a parent, if you are a parent, I have to tell you, I have two beautiful children that I birthed. I do. And they're amazing. And they are my greatest work, my greatest gift, and my greatest blessing. And I didn't always get it right, and I still don't always get it right. We're human beings. And even though, like, my whole world is being a great role model, changing and breaking generational patterns that didn't serve the ones that came before me, I vowed to break those. And I have in a lot of ways with my kids. But I'm going to tell you right now whether you are a parent on earth through adoption, through birth, you know, through aunts and uncles and all of that, the most important child you will ever raise is the one inside of you. I promise you that. Because that part of you is running your show. So I know this is a lot, but this has everything to do with why you're not where you want to be in your businesses and in your career and in your romantic life. And maybe as a parent, I get a lot of people that are parents too. You know, it's all of a sudden, I remember when Casey was 4 years old, all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, oh, fuck, I am feeling rage towards my own freaking blood daughter who is the Most beautiful human on earth. The most beautiful, free spirited soul. But when I looked at my four year old little girl over 21 years ago, little T. The four year old little T was angry and she was pissed off that this beautiful girl who looked just like her has a life that she didn't get. And it was then, 22 years ago that I started my work that I could bring to you to bring Little T out of hiding, out of that prison that she felt like she was in all the time. And over the last 20 plus years, I've chipped away at it. And in the last 10, she has been free. And it is why I have the abundance in my life. It's why I have the rock solid, bulletproof friendships that I have. It's why I've had multiple businesses and collaborations and a fulfilling 10 years. It's why my health at almost 50 years old is its best. It's why I believe I've allowed love back into my life of love that isn't dysfunctional and toxic. Right? But it didn't come without the daily, consistent, honoring process of the little kid inside of all of us that really wants to be free and live out the dreams that you are putting on your vision board and your whiteboards and on the gram and whatever it is. And I know this is a process and it's hard to do on your own. And this is part of my business strategy. I promise you. This has helped people have multiple six figure launches. I'm talking like $300,000 launches from doing this work. It isn't all strategy, y'. All. It isn't all collaboration and networking because all of that's great. But if you have a foundation here that is rocky, it's just a matter of time. So I would be honored. I do this work all day long. I do it all day long. The first step that I usually take people through is the enneagram and really getting typed properly because that's really, really important. That allows you to have some framework to navigate when some of these feelings and things come up. So that's how I knew the focus of me as an enneagram. 8. I will always be looking for betrayal, violation and being controlled. I will always. And each enneagram type has their own. So, you know, if you haven't been properly enneagram typed and you kind of want to dabble at what this might look like with me, get a typing session. It is the greatest 90 minutes you'll. You'll have. You'll never feel so seen, heard and Understood. And you will have framework moving forward. Whether you decide you want more guidance down the road, totally up to you. But when you have the proper typing and 65 to 70% of you are improperly typed and then you have the wrong map for your soul and even the tools of the Enneagram won't work the way that you want them to to guide you through this if you're typed improperly. So please let me take you through that. You can go to Tracy O' Malley.com the work with me section and we can do an Enneagram session if you already know that, like you want the whole experience Enneagram on steroids. With my methodology that I take thousands of people through, it's by application only. And I finally have a few spots open. I've had to be on a wait list for a few months because people are recognizing that in order to have the success in their business, long term, sustainable change that feels freaking amazing, they gotta do air quotes. The work. And this is the work that I'm talking about. And so if you know that you are tired of this, you know that you've been avoiding this, I won't let you bypass it. And I will with so much love, compassion, wisdom and grit, help you through the process by application only. Go to traceomalley.com I don't take everybody because this is like the real deal. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is the master's program of life. It's the greatest work next to my children that I've ever done. If you know you're ready, go to my website traceyomalley.com the work with me section fill out the application. We will hop on a very quick call to see if we're a good fit and if you're actually ready. Because it's one thing to say you're ready, it's another thing to walk that talk right. And I'm all about actions. Words don't mean jack without the actions that represent them. And so we can kind of see where you're at or maybe if there's a different starting point that I can help you with, you know. And wrapped up in all this is strategy for your business too. It's like we don't just stay in the woo and the work of that beautiful kid inside of you, we, we bring her into your businesses as well. And it's powerful and beautiful. And that's why, you know, people that have done this work and we go into the business end of it as well, they have explosive, authentic, fulfilling powerful. So many beautiful creative outlets and ideas that serve the greatest good. And all of you, it's from this so I would be honored to take you on the process. I wake up every day fired up to do the work that I do. And if you had told me 10 plus years ago that's what I'd be doing, I would have laughed at you. There's no freak. I was selling cars for crying out loud. Anyway, my ultimate goal is to help each and every one of you. When you're ready and raise your hand and you're honest, open and willing to do the work, it'd be my honor to guide you to be the very ultimate leader in your life. Until next time.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceeomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomally.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.