EP177: The Anatomy of Your Enneagram Type: The Enneagram ONE—The Sherriff Is in Town

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

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Hello. Hello. And today we are beginning the series on the anatomy of your Enneagram type. And we today are going to start with the Enneagram one, sometimes known as the Reformer. I like to call it the Improver, also sometimes known as the strict Perfectionist. And you know, in the anatomy of our Enneagram, if you haven't listened to the first episode leading off this series, I highly recommend it to you. Because so many of us focus on just our core type. And although that's really, really important, and being typed properly is really, really important because 65 to 70% of you are mistyped. So go back and listen to that episode and I will tell you in that episode all the different parts of of your Enneagram type. But not only that, the components, the other types you're connected to. And the goal is to be able to use the entire framework of the Enneagram to really allow you to step into the growth of you. It's like doing any kind of DIY job. Like having the right tools for the job are really, really important. For it to go through it easily, to have some flow, to have some harmony. If you've ever done a DIY project and have the wrong tools for the job, or no tools for the. A lot of f bombs get dropped. And so our Enneagram is no different. The thing is, is most of us just focused on the type. But there are all these beautiful, beautiful things in the anatomy of your core type that will allow you to be the very best version of yourself, allow you to step into your growth without as much resistance, allow you to maybe see your blind spots, stop the self sabotage, allow you to really invite in the love, the abundance, all the things that you desire. So today we're going into the Enneagram one. And even if you're not an Enneagram one, I want you to continue to listen. Because the Chances are you either love or lead or both an Enneagram one and it's really, really important to understand what makes the other people in your life tick. And if you are a leader in any way, whether it's in your home or in your business, this is really, really important. The Basics on the Enneagram one the Enneagram one values principles and integrity and are driven by the motivational need to be good and right. Out of all the types on the Enneagram, this is the type that is the most black and white thinking. This type also falls into the action or body triad or body center of intelligence, which means they are motivated by a need for independence and control in some way. Now all the types in that center of intelligence operate different in their need and motive for that, but the One definitely does need independence and some control. The underlying emotion for the Enneagram one is anger. However, it isn't externalized like it is in some of the other anger types. In this center, the anger for the Enneagram one is internalized with the strongest out of all the types, they have the strongest inner critic. And a lot of times because that critic gets so loud at themselves inside, oftentimes they can appear outwardly a little critical of others, right? At their best, Enneagram ones are super tolerant, self accepting, serene. They offer dignity and discernment to themselves and all of us. Quite honestly, they are the highest of integrity, the highest of of standards. They make us all better. Quite honestly. When a one is less healthy, they cont tend to be judgmental, super uncompromising. They're driven by a critical gaze and an acute awareness of their own imperfections and sense of not being good enough. I also like to call them the Sheriff or the Warden. They're the epitome of righteousness and when they're in a healthy place, this righteousness, like I said, makes us all better. When they're not in a healthy place, this can be a very self righteous kind of energy about them. The gifts of the 1. They're very principled, objective, conscientious, structured and quality minded. Those are the Basics of the Enneagram 1. Their biggest fear is not being good. And because they're such black and white thinkers, if it's not good, it's absolutely terrible. If it's not right, it's absolutely wrong. And they will fight to the end of their life to prove that they are good or right. And so you can see where this can be troublesome in leadership, whether it's in the home or in business. Or both. Because if they have the blinders on and they can't see the bigger picture, they are missing the boat in the effectiveness. Because here's the deal. 99% of the time, they are right. They really, really are. But because of the delivery sometimes of this motivational need and the biggest fear of not being good or right, sometimes the delivery of this messaging, the expression of this righteousness, can really go sideways, and they end up missing the boat and dropping the ball on all the beautiful things they can do in the world. So like I said on the previous episode, our core type does not change. But if we just focus on the core type, if everything was just black and white, that really doesn't let the one shine their light in the world. And so part of the anatomy of the type 1 is their wings. I have used the expression of the wings being like the supporting cast. You know, the main character in a movie is great, but usually they're made in this level of excellence by the supporting roles. The supporting actors in any movie, quite honestly. And our Enneagram types are no different. So as an Enneagram one, you have accessibility to two wings. Now, our wings fall on either side of our core type. So if you're an Enneagram one, you have access to the nine wing or the two wing. Now, a lot of you maybe thought you'd just have one. Some of you may not even know what a wing is. I like to say, like, they're tools in your tool belt, but if you've never picked up those tools, you don't know how to use them. You're probably afraid of them. You don't know how to use them effectively. So instead of using them, you just lean into the tool, you know? Right. And the tool we know is our core type. So sometimes the one tool for you Enneagram ones is not the right tool for the job. Sometimes you do have to lean into heart space and the people aspect of things, rather than just everything being black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. And sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture, right? Like knowing when to pick and choose your battles and knowing when to say, maybe there is a different way to look at this, right? But if you're an Enneagram one, I can hear you, like, laughing a little bit because you're like, yeah, that's, like, really, really hard to do. So you can see where, like, the core of your type, although it's always gonna be who you are. And there's beautiful, beautiful gifts to being this enneagram1 you can also see when we aren't in the best spot where this can really go sideways on us. And so what I usually like to tell the Enneagram one is, you know, when the one in you wants to just really go into harsh criticism, whether it's of yourself or other people, right? Or you want to kind of express yourself a little colorfully, right? I really. The power of the pause will be really important in leaning into your wings, especially for my ones out there. If this involves another person, whether it's somebody you love, you lead, you parent, you care about, somebody at the store, like really pausing before you open your mouth, and I have to do this as an eight, open up your mouth. And especially if there's people involved, leaning into that enneagram2wing will be powerful since the 2 is in the feeling center. They are the type most driven by connection and relationship. And so that that black and white thinking of you, if you are a one, you know where this has hurt you in relationships before, right? People feel like they're never going to live up. They'll never do it, right? So they quit trying or they quit coming to you with things, or they avoid you altogether or they leave. Right? That two in you. That two wing will allow you to kind of tap into your heart space a little bit and ask yourself, okay, now, if I was on the receiving end of this, how would I want to hear this? Or if, you know, this person is not wired like you, how can I help them in a way where they can receive my messaging, right? Because the problem with an enneagram one sometimes is you guys are right 99% of the time. And I know my ones out there are like, no, we're right 100% of the time. Humor me for a second. Yes, you are right. But because of the delivery, oftentimes people brush you off. And so really kind of taking that pause into what would feel good to hear right now, what is a way that I could like, feel this and deliver this in a way that might land on somebody's heart and actually hear me out rather than fight me on it or avoid me, right? And that's all fine and good. So that one going to the two is like, okay, I'm in the feels a little bit. Great, great, great. The two doesn't always know how to execute that in a healthy way. Not always. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But this is where you lean into your nine wing. And the nine wing, you've heard me call the nine the Yoda of the Enneagram the nine is all about non judgment, about inclusivity, about harmony in the world. So once you kind of taken that one black and white, thinking what's right, what's wrong, high integrity, high standards, and run it through the feeling filter of your 2 Wing, now it's time to bring it over to your nine wing and say, how can we really deliver this in a way that serves the greatest good, where it's a win win for everybody, where people don't feel judged, where people feel accepted, where people feel supported. And if you just go in hot with your oneness, chances are things might not be as harmonious in your life as you would like. You might be frustrated and resentful that people don't see things the way that you do. And if that is you as a one or, you know, a one, chances are they don't lean into their wings as much as they need to. Our wings are the unsung heroes, quite honestly. And they're the ones that make growth totally capable. Because that takes us to the growth number of the Enneagram one and the growth number, which for anyone, the growth number. When you kind of go through your Enneagram type and you realize what your growth number is, it's usually the things that we resist the most or the things that we will say in air quotes, that's just not in alignment with who I am. And the reason sometimes we come by that innocently and it doesn't feel in alignment is because anytime we're stretching ourselves to grow, it doesn't feel good, right? It's painful. And for the Enneagram one, their growth number is the Enneagram seven, which is the enthusiast, which is anything's possible, which means there's no stupid idea, which means there's like, hey, what's the best that can happen? And hearing about the Enneagram one, you can see where this might be a conflict inside of them, right? If everything's so black and white and they're driven by this need to be good and right, how can anything is possible fit into that category? Right? It doesn't mean your motivational need changes, but how it gets expressed absolutely can. And when it's in a healthy place, it can. And so for A one to move towards that growth, healthy seven, the enthusiast, the visionary, the innovator, it is going to take a big supporting cast. A one left to their own devices will never go there by themselves. And so using that two wing and that nine wing will allow them to grow into that growth number of seven. When the one in them wants to be that perfectionist and keep holding themselves back just until they get it right, they'll never go into this. Anything's possible. Let's just go for it and worry about it later. Part of the seven. And if you're a one, you know you've missed out on a lot of fun because you've been so wrapped up in your own freaking head trying to make sure, sure everything is perfect and right and good. There's so many miracles that come in the mess. And I know for you enneagram ones out there, like you get that in theory, but to actually execute that sounds painful and terrifying, quite honestly. And I get that. I gotta be honest. Enneagram ones are the ones I'm challenged by the most. Because when you're in that unhealthier spot and that rigidity really takes over and I'll explain what that looks like when you're under extreme stress.

You will hear why that can be challenging for somebody like me. Right? But knowing this, I want you enneagram ones to know that you're also the type that I give the most compassion and grace to because I understand how dark this can get for you. So that growth number being that visionary innovator, rose colored glasses optimist. I know if you're one listening to this right now, you're like God, that sounds beautiful. But also like, like something bad could happen if I kind of let my hair down a little bit or I might be like out of line and not this good person that I claim to be or desire to be if I let loose and have a little bit of fun or I think outside the box that maybe I've put myself in and the world has trapped me in. But I also know how resentful you feel and how frustrated you are that you know what's good and right and people aren't receiving that message. It's because sometimes you need to see the bigger picture. And so how you use your 2 and 9 is the same way. Especially if there's people involved. What would my heart say? How would. If I was somebody on the street, how would I like to hear things not from that inner critic that you guys have so strong and that nine wing is going to be your best friend. As an enneagram one, that nine wing, I have a nine wing as an eight. Thank God that nine in you, it doesn't change how right or wrong you are. It doesn't change how you're motivated. It doesn't change that your biggest fear is like, oh my God, if I'm not good, I'm terrible. But really seeing things from the bigger picture. There's a reason why the enneagram 9 sits at the top of the Enneagram. It's because they have the bigger picture view of all the other eight types. And as a one, you can really heavily lean into that. Because to get to that growth number seven, the one can't do it by itself. It's going to need the beautiful support of the heart space of the two, the connection, the intimacy, desired part of the two, the relationship part of the two, as well as maybe seeing things a little more objectively from that nine. That is the only way A1 will get to the growth number of seven. And if you feel resistant in getting to your growth number, I'm going to encourage you to really, really lean heavily into those wings. Now, the stress number for the one is the Enneagram four. And so when it's a stress number or a release number, this means you take on the unhealthier parts of the four. And although Enneagram ones can experience a lot of anger, rarely will you express it outwardly. Rather, your anger is more likely to be expressed as moments of irritation, resentment, despite you working hard to keep them on, under control. When you are under extreme stress, when the inner critic isn't working anymore, all of a sudden this put together one that really, even though they're having this internal rage going on, like, they will keep that from you until they are pushed. When this anger builds and they can't, like they are pushed to the brink, that Enneagram one can become more physically ridiculous, rigid. They will be more self absorbed, a little dramatic, a little emotional. They will make it all about them.

Which, you know, isn't their typical behavior. It really isn't. It's pretty fascinating that they, they might even withdraw. Instead of being in the game, a one can actually withdraw into their, their criticism themselves and bury themselves in that. And then they feel terrible and the cycle continue. Then nothing's getting done, and.

Nothing, it seems, is going right. So that's something that's really, really powerful to use. Not as a whipping stick or a shame spiral, but as warning lights and kind of this compass. So, you know, for an Enneagram one to recognize when they're becoming like that or active in those behaviors, to really take a pause and say, okay, where do I feel like I am completely wrong? I'm terrible, I am awful. If anybody saw this part of me, they'd be mortified and maybe give yourself a little bit more grace. So some of the blind spots to the Enneagram one, ones can appear critical or impatient even when they are trying to be constructive in interactions with others, right? So really like ones, you don't have a poker face. Your body language speaks volumes. Your facial expressions also speak volumes. So being aware of that ones may be unaware of how irritation, anger and resentment, like I said, show up in your body language. And when feeling righteous about an issue, ones can struggle to move from this righteous position to accepting that others might also have a valid different perspective or response. And that's where using that two and nine wings will be really, really, really important for you. Now there's something to be said about our instinctual reaction to life. I have talked briefly about the subtypes before. There are three basic instinctual drives that are essential for your human experience. All three reside in you and they are, you know, body based primal forces. They're separate from our personality and are behind our life strategies, often unconsc powerfully directing your fundamental way of being. These instincts are always there. One of the three becomes dominant, is more easily accessed and then more easily used than the others. And when the dominant instinct in you emerges with your core Enneagram, a new character structure is formed. And this is what we call the subtypes. So there's self preservation, one on one and social. And you can use all three. And the goal is, is to be able to be balanced between these threes as you evolve. I lean heavily into two of them and one is more my blind spot. But as I've really evolved, I really can float between the three pretty effortlessly. The self preservation one is the actual true perfectionist who worries a lot, wants things under control and tries to anticipate risks and problems. The self preservation ones have like probably the strongest inner critic and are super hard on themselves with a heightened sense of responsibility. The self preservation one are often anxious and like to be prepared down to the smallest detail. This subtype, the self preservation, avoids expressing anger, but can feel deeply frustrated when disrupted. The self preservation instinct is to preserve our body life effective function. The self preservation focuses on physical safety, wellbeing, material security and comfort. And anxiety and stress can combine with this instinct to drive you to either conserve, hoard, energy and resources, right? So you can see where, like when, when life happens, the self preservation goes, okay, am I safe? The one on one subtype is in the Enneagram one. This one looks a little different than your typical one. So this is a big reason why a lot of people are mistyped is the subtypes. So when it's like one of these things doesn't look like the others. Within the subtypes of your main type, we call this a counter type, right? It's like wait a second, this doesn't present like a typical one. And the one on one enneagram type one is the counter type. And it stands out from the other ones because of their intensity and impact on others. The one on one enneagram one have an idealistic view of how things should be and feel entitled to reform people or society to their way of seeing or doing things. This type 1 may express anger and frustration directly when these efforts to improve others are resisted. So the one on one subtype, we all have a drive to project ourselves into the environment, form alliances and extend ourselves through the generations, either literally or by like passing our DNA, right? But the one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experiences and one on one relationships. So they, they will kind of go into how is this going to affect us like the inner circle, right? So the self preservation is me, the one on one is us. And then we come to the social subtype for the enneagram type 1 and that is the we, right? This social instinct is how we get along and form secure social bonds with others, focusing on interactions and relationships with communities and groups. And this type has a high social awareness of norms. So the social enneagram ones bring attention to what is good, right and appropriate and set an example of integrity and principled conduct. High self control and high standards set them apart from people around them. The social enneagram one is motivated by fairness and making things right. At their best, they are systemic thinkers and role models for living one's beliefs and values. So you can see how those three subtypes can alter how that enneagram one gets expressed. And knowing which one of these stack the highest for you and which one is your blind spot will allow you to use the other components in the anatomy of your enneagram like your core type and all its levels of health, your wings, your growth, your stress numbers and your subtype. You can use all these beautiful components of your enneagram oneness to step into the ultimate leader, your life and allow you to communicate effectively with anyone and everyone, especially.

Those that are not like you. I know enneagram ones. It's hard to believe. I know how isolated you feel sometimes in your righteousness. And it is frustrating because you guys are the sheriffs in town. You keep us all in line, you keep make us all step up our game. And when you're at your best and when you can see the bigger picture and you know how to deliver that righteousness, that is when you have hit your sweet spot and it's where you can let your hair down and go into that growth number seven and find the fun and harmony and juicy parts of life, of love, of business, of parenting, of friendship. Of all the things if you are an Enneagram one and this hits you square between the eyeballs, I want to hear about it. I want you to screenshot this episode and tell me something that you learned about your oneness. And if you love or lead an Enneagram one, I hope this allows you to maybe look at them and with not as much frustration when they kind of go off the rails like this type can. All types can. By the way, I want to know how you can maybe have some more compassion first and foremost for them, knowing that their inner critic is a million times louder than the one they project out onto us and how you can better support them when you find them in that state. Right? This has been the biggest game changer in this type because like I said, this is the type on all the Enneagram that I struggle the most with. And understanding this framework has allowed me to really have more patience and ask better questions, lean in to maybe their biggest fear and support them in that and expose it. Even though that might scare them a little bit. But it allows me to lead them more effectively and bring out the best in them so that they can be their very best in leadership in their home and in their businesses. If you know an Enneagram one or you love one or lead one, please share this episode with them. I would love to hear or what you learned from this. If you aren't sure what your Enneagram type is, like I said, 65 to 70% of you are mistyped. I am open and doing Enneagram typing sessions. You can go to tracee o'malley.com the work with me section and click on the Enneagram Kickstart. It is where you will spend a good solid hour plus with me. We will dive into the entire anatomy of your type, but first we will make sure that you're typed properly because that's the most important, important part in using this beautiful, effective tool called the Enneagram. And I would be honored to walk this journey with you. It will probably be the most powerful hour plus in your life because you will most likely have never felt that seen, heard and understood. And although that can be exciting. I understand that that can feel very vulnerable for you, especially my type ones out there. But I want you to know that I get it. I've been there. I'm honored to walk this journey with you so that you can really have access to all the beautiful parts of you and the world can feel them, see them, learn from them and grow from them and love you for them. So share this episode with Enneagram ones that you love or lead. And if you are an Enneagram One, I hope that you just gave yourself the biggest hug and like gave yourself a little bit more grace today. I know how hard it is to be a one. I fall in the same center of intelligence of you and that need for independence and control. And it's really honestly when we loosen the grip on that that we get to experience all the juicy parts of life. And that is my wish for you. My Enneagram one. My beautiful improver, reformer, strict perfectionist sheriff in town. You will always be the sheriff by the way, but let's give the sheriffs a good name. Until next time.

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