EP178: Client Spotlight: Katie—Unlocking the Soul and Setting It Free as an Enneagram 3

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Okay, people, it is a client spotlight episode, and I am so excited to bring you another enneagram 3 and the reason why. And even if you're not an enneagram3 out there, you know, one you lead, one you admire, one you want to be like One. I've said this before, that we all want to be like the Threes. And you know, they do make crap happen all the time. They really, really, really, really do. And I will be totally transparent. I've said this before. I used to, probably before I understood all this. Harshly judged the Threes a lot more than any other type on the Enneagram, mostly because of my own insecurities and fears. Let's just be real, because, you know, they set a goal, hit a goal, crush goal, and move on to the next one and execute it all over again. But I've also, in my wisdom and trainings and teachings and education of the Enneagram over the last decade. I also recognize that they can be the most tortured internally with so much love, respect, compassion, without judgment. I say this, and I think it's really important, especially in the world of Instagram and all the things where we compare ourselves, most of us compare ourselves to a three over and over and over again. There's that person or place or thing in your head and you want to be like, in, insert them. And it's probably almost always a three, because they make it look effortless, they make it look polished, they make it look like they don't give a shit about anything and everything in a healthy way. But I want you to know it is very different than maybe what you think. And so today's guest is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. One of my favorite people I've ever worked with, to be honest. Her name is Katie, and she is a Three to her core. She's beautiful. You're going to love. Like, I don't Care if you don't even like me, you're going to want to listen to this because her voice is so beautiful. She's got a beautiful little southern accent and she's so wise and smart. And why she's one of my favorite people that I've ever worked with is her willingness. She's hungry for growth, and not because she wants the world to see it that way, but because she really wants that harmony and peace internally in what she does, how she leads in her home, how she leads in her businesses, as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, and as a beautiful coaching client of mine. You guys welcome, Ms. Katie.

Thank you, Tracy. Wow, that was. I need a tissue. Like, thank you so much. That was. That was beautiful. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Well, you know, I'm no bullshit, so.

No, you are not. I've been coaching with you. This is the no BS zone for sure. So I. So it means even that much more. I do. I do appreciate it.

Oh, my gosh. We could dive into all sorts of things. So Katie was one of the coaching clients in the let's get down to business program at Tiffany Carter. And I did. And I knew right away the questions you were asking. I could feel the hunger in you. I knew you were three right away. I could just tell. But I could tell that you felt prisoner to that. That appearances are everything. That how I show up in the world and what I do and how I achieve things was driving you and you didn't want to feel shackled by that anymore. And although you came for some strategy because, I mean, you've got quite the resume underneath your belt and, you know, exploring.

A career, it's probably even hard for you to call network marketing a career, but as you are integrating into that, I know, I had a hard time with it too, you know. You were what, a VP in the banking industry? Yeah, a vice president in the banking industry, y'. All. And, you know, she's in network marketing too. And I know there was a lot of that three coming into play when it came to really stepping forward into that or should I just be a high level coach? And, you know, and I think a lot of that had to do with the motive and the fear behind your three. So we talked, you raised your hand and said, I want to learn more about Enneagram as well. What made you really want to understand that?

Well, you know, when our program started and we started working together on a lot of the principles of what you teach in the soul surgery workbook, remember? And we were going through. And I said, I don't. This doesn't feel so great. I don't know that I really want to go here. And you were like, I know. And so at that point, when I was feeling some of that resistance to want to really go in and do the inner work, I wanted to figure out why. Why am I having this resistance to kind of diving in? Because the whole idea for me being in the program was to get strategy, but it was also to figure out what's stopping me. You know, I've. I've had a career. I've done so many amazing things, but when I dec to start businesses, suddenly I felt like it was almost impossible. And I wanted to know what was holding me back. And so I took your. Your guidance and your leadership to say, okay, if there's something about the enneagram that's going to help me break past this barrier, then I'm all in. Because as you all know, the three in me says I got to crush it. So if there's a block, if there's a barrier, I've got to figure out how to get through it.

You know, it's. I was talking to some people this week. I just spoke at a big leadership thing. I was in a. I'm in a mastermind. And what I say about threes when I walk into a room is one of two things happen with threes for exactly what you just said. They know I can see them fully, which either they're completely drawn to that. Like, you sort of were like, you're like, I'm here for a reason, but this is also really scary. And all the things. And this might disrupt or dishevel things. And of course, the three in you does not like that. Right, right. And so threes are either really, really drawn to me, or they feel see me and they go running the other way. And so I want you to know that when a three actually approaches me and says, I'm here for it. And I want to understand this, I take that very, very seriously. Because I know, like, to be seen fully is like a three's worst nightmare. It really, really is. And not only that, but to not have. Because sometimes a three will say, yeah, I want to understand this because I want to crush it. I'm like, well, here's the deal. Like, you'll understand this, but you're going to crush it in a way that looks very, very different than anything you've ever experienced. And it will be uncomfortable.

Yes, I can vouch for that.

Yeah. And so, you know, understanding that You're a three. What was like, why did you feel like that was really, really important for you, even though you're like, yeah, I don't know if I want to do this. I don't know what made you say, but I'm here for it. I know that trusting me was a big part of that.

Yes, absolutely. And I don't know because I feel like I've seen the Enneagram all around. And when I would take the test, the test, right. I was not typed a three, like that was my second or third. I would get a two. And when I read about the two, I'd like, well, that's not really. I mean, there are some parts of that that I can see in myself. And being a three wing two, you know that. But I. It didn't resonate with me. So I was curious about why was I taking these tests. And it was typing me a 2 and what am I? And being in different levels of leadership. Throughout my almost 20 year career, I was in masterminds in groups where I had been taking different kinds of personality tests, strength test, you know, the disc, the Hogan, all of it. And it always was very fascinating to me about what is my type or what is. What does it say about me. But never had I fully been in a position to use that information that to be able to have it change my life, to have it really impact me in a way that I could see myself, to make the changes I needed to make for good. And that is what really, I think made me feel very drawn to want to learn more and not just know what my type is, but know how is that impacting me where I am today? How did that look years ago? And more importantly, what can I do with it now so that as I move into the future, I can be my best self. Because honestly, that's really what I'm just trying to get to. Aren't we all just trying to get to our best selves?

Yeah. And when we can come from the place that God designed us to be to begin with, which is kind of how I explained it to you, it's like, I'm not changing who you are. And a lot of those other kind of things out there are great for behaviors. But as you have unpacked your life, a lot of our behaviors are coping mechanisms that kept us safe, Certain or significant, not always to benefit us. Right. It got us through. And so what I loved about the Enneagram is it kind of takes us back to like the roadmap God always had for Our soul anyway, before kind of life got us, or circumstances or environments got us. And so I love that you wanted to take this moving forward. Information doesn't equal transformation. So although some of you may know your type, if you don't know what to do with it, I explained it like, you know, you buy all the power tools at Home Depot because you want to do all these fun projects, and having the right tools for the job really make this a lot easier. But if nobody shows you how to use these tools, you're going to pick up the tools that you know how to use. And now all you have is an expensive garage of tools, which is how most of you have been doing personal development. You've spent a lot of time and money on these things, but you don't really know how to use it. And so the integration of this information is where the magic happens. And just to touch on what you said, you know, 65 to 70% of you that have these tests and assessments online, they're inaccurate for a lot of the reasons I just spoke of, you know, our coping mechanisms, our behaviors, you know, how we found our place in this world where we could have significance, especially as a three, makes a lot of sense. So what was your first aha moment as we dove into your threeness? Like. Like the first aha. Like, oh, this is great. But it's. I see where this has helped me back.

I think when we started unpacking some of the unhealthy ways of a three, because as a three, I don't ever want to look at that part.

But I think that's really where I started saying, oh, this is why it's hard for me to do a video on stories. This is why kind of being vulnerable and putting myself out there, why I feel when I do a video online to promote whatever it is I'm promoting, that it feels really vulnerable for me. And understanding that helped me to begin to take away some of the fear that I had Now, I mean, the fear is still there in various ways, but I can catch it before I let it deter me, right? So I can have an awareness about it now. So that. That was huge for me because I think if we don't know that, we tend to take that shame stick out and beat ourselves up. Like, why can't you just do it? I mean, look at so and so they're doing it. Well, it's a lot to do with how I'm wired and what I want the world to see. And that. That image that I want to portray, that's that I have to really work to overcome every time I step out into doing something new or different or challenging.

Right. Threes don't like to do anything they're not going to absolutely be the best at. And I'm sure when you were in the banking, you had no problem standing in front of the room and leading the people. And because you, you knew you were going to crush it and serve too, because you have a heart of service. And so stepping into something not only that's new, but also something that has quite the stigma around it, like direct sales and network marketing is like a double whammy on top of it.

Right?

Right. And so one of the things that we talk about, you know, in the anatomy of the Enneagram, we're way more than just our type. Even though that's our type, we can do that in our sleep. It doesn't really change. And it's great that you understand the three, but there's four other types connected to you that really can help you in the expression of your three ness. And like you said, the fear is still there, but instead of it paralyzing you or you going with the shame stick, which is the underlying emotion for the three. And I know a lot of you listening that know threes are like, they don't experience shame. Oh, probably more than any other Enneagram type. But you'll never see it. Very rarely will you see it. And that's why they move the finish line. It's why they move on to the next goal. It's because they feel it and they don't want to. And they don't want any of you to see it. And so that's why sometimes they can go on to the next project really quickly or we'll talk about the stress number in a second and what that might look like. So let's talk about the wings first. So I've explained the wings like tools in the tool belt. Same thing. Like having the right tool for the job is definitely necessary for harmony, for energy conservation in our body and in our soul. And although the three in you makes things happen very easily, at least that's what we all think. That kind of blinders on driving towards a goal isn't always the most effective strategy. Now, I know a lot of you listening that just want to like crush it right the Gary Vee way, like that's great and everything, but something will fall through the cracks. And what four or three, what usually falls through the cracks when they have the blinders on and they're in their three ways is their body, their health, and their relationships. And so sometimes using these wings to, like, slow the roll of the three a little bit, although the three can't stand that. We want to be effective. Right. And so for a three, you have the options of your wings. And, you know, using them both is really the goal. Most of you usually lean one. I know Katie absolutely leans heavily to her two wing. Right. But then on the other side of her, she's got a four, which is where a lot of the magic of a three can happen if they really lean into it. So knowing you have a two wing and a four wing and the three in you is just like, let's crush goals. How do you use the two so you don't break down your relationships or your body? And how do you use the four in your.

Yeah, so for me, the two really is my servant's heart. It's. It's the nurturer in me. It's the part of. Of me that when I am interacting in my relationships, people tend to just want to tell me everything that's going on in their life. They trust me. They feel very comfortable with me. I think that's where I land most of the time in my mothering. You know, it's that because I'm a homeschool mom as well, so, you know, I have to use a lot of my patience and my giving, and.

That comes very easily and naturally for me. Yeah, the four I know is your is that creative piece. And so I do have some of that creativity. And I'll tell you, when I was in banking, that was a struggle for me because banking is very black and white. Banking is very structured, and I wanted to be able to express more of my creativeness, and that was a little bit more difficult to do in that industry. And that's where I felt some. Some pushes sometimes. You know, I wanted to plan an event and do, you know, do all of those fun things. And so I am learning to. As an entrepreneur, I'm learning to try to lean more on that four. And that's just having this information and knowing where my strengths lie and which wing I can lean on, when and where has been helpful for me. But I really do have a goal to try to lean a little bit more on the four. And so that's kind of the work in progress piece for me right now.

I am super envious of people that have a connection to the enneagram 4. Like, out of all the types, I'm not, like, in the framework of the Enneagram. I'm not connected to the four. Ironically, being that I'm dating a four brings it to me in a different way. And my son has a connection to the four. The real beauty in the four is that individualist, right? That's their name, the romantic. And I think that because the four is always searching for their most authentic self, I mean, they can go down their own rabbit hole seeking it. Right? Just like you can be seeking significance outwardly. That four is always kind of finding why they're significant in this world. And because of your faith in Go, like, leaning into the four is, yes, creative, beautiful, storytelling, all the things. But when that three wants to just put the foot on the gas and not really look at what does Kit Kat want to do? Our inner child, I believe, is rooted in that beautiful individualist. And the fact that you have it as a wing, that's really checking in with that little girl in you, which we called her Kit Kat because she's so beautiful too. And I love it. I think about Kit Kat a lot. But that four wing is also her, you know, the fact that you have it right there is, is beautiful. And the other thing about your wings, the two and the four, you know, because when that three is like, let's freaking go, right? And to slow the roll of the three, there's, there's going to be some pushback from the three in you, right? Like you've already experienced, like slowing the roll for three is like, don't do it unless you want to fight or you want to lose the relationship. Even like a lot of times, like, that's why we lose as three's relationships.

And the way three shows up in my marriage, because we went through some marriage therapy the way that I'll never forget when we were sitting in couples therapy because as we get into talking about the three and the issues they have in those relationships, I almost lost my marriage, you know, because, because of the driven three in me, the unhealthy piece of that. But my husband, you know, we were sitting in therapy and he told the therapist, it's like, you know, Katie is coming through like a freight train and she is barreling in and you better, you better just, you better just shut your mouth and get on.

And you know, when he said that, of course it was an eye opening moment for me. I'll never forget it because I'm thinking, wow, is that, is that really how I've made you feel? And it is. And he'll say, like, when she gets on a mission, if, when she's on a mission or when there's a party to plan or when there's something to do that we need to do, you better get on Katie's train, because she's gonna. She's just gonna barrel right over you. And I never saw myself that way. I never saw myself that way.

I think that is probably the Most important thing A3 needs to hear, because it is very true. Like, it isn't your nature, necessarily, or your heart, but that's why it's so important to understand the fear and the motive of your enneagram type, because in hearing that, of course, that is, you know, your fear of not being significant in this world is based on what you do, what you achieve, and how you appear. So, like, for me, I have to be very mindful that when I'm in that zone for different reasons, right? Like, I will eat my firstborn if I believe that, like, betrayal or violation is coming, right? Because I'm in that independence and autonomy kind of drive. And when I realized that as well, like, oh, my gosh, like, I am barreling through my own children, and that's not my heart, but because that fear runs so deep in all of us that the. The very thing we love more than anything, they take the hit. So I love that, that you shared that. I think every three probably didn't want to hear that, but also. Yes, I'm sure that when you look at.

No, and when you look at me, I don't really look like I could barrel through on a freight train. I'm like, what? I'm like, the nicest person you've ever met. How can that be?

You know? You know, the Southern. I mean, she's got this voice, too, which we're going to talk about in a second. It's that bless your heart and just, like, barrel through everybody. So using those wings to slow the roll a little bit, because your growth number is the Enneagram 6, which is the loyalist, the trou shooter, the like. Let's build a spreadsheet for every task known to man because we want to be aware of worst case scenario. Well, A3 does not want to slow down for worst case scenario, because if worst case scenario happens, that means they failed. And a three doesn't want to do that. However, just like in couples therapy, when you're hearing, like, when your husband is saying, if you don't get on Katie's train, she's going to squash you, that's going to require the pause button for a second. And the three in you definitely doesn't want to hit that. So using the 2 and 4 to go to your growth number of the 6, the troubleshooter actually, like, even in your marriage, and I'm sure even in, you know, your businesses. And as a mom, like, slowing down actually proves to be more effective so that you can move faster long game wise.

Right.

Where a lot of threes will just power through on the freight train, deal with the wreckage later. And it actually creates more shame and more guilt and more of the pile than if you had just slowed down to kind of assess the situation ahead of time. How has leaning into your growth healthy six changed things in your house as a mom?

Yeah, well, I mean, really, like you said, slowing down and understanding how my actions and behavior impact other people, whether we mean it to or not.

You know, I was thinking about the night that we did our enneagram session, and obviously it stirred up a lot for you. Very exposing for lots of reasons. I mean, you were seen probably more than you've ever been seen in your life, which is great and also terrifying for a three. And yeah, energetically, he wanted to just, like, hide in the cave and be alone. And one of my. Oh, I could get emotional just thinking about your son. And, like, he could feel that energy. And I tell people, like, as parents, we can put on the face, we can say all the things, but the energy never lies. And especially mamas that have carried babies, they knew our energy before they were Earthside.

Yeah.

So we can't bullshit our children, just so you know. Little FYI, I tried. It didn't work. And the fact that you are so ra. KitKat was, like, feeling scared. The fact that your son. He's 12.

He's 12. Yeah.

Just turned right.

Yeah, yeah. Just a birthday this week.

Yeah. And came and was invading your space as though before you had been totally irritated by it. And you even shot video of that. What did that. Because that took you being in your healthy six to even kind of slow down for yourself and also for your son. Although that was uncomfortable. What did you learn from that moment as a three and as a mom?

Well, knowing that people in my life, whether it's my children, my husband, the people who are on my team, they look up to me. They need me to be healthy because they're scanning for my leadership, they're scanning for my protection, for my encouragement, all of that. And so understanding that we are significant, sometimes we don't feel significant, but for so many people, as a leader, we are significant. They need us to lead. They need us to Lead healthily. And for me, as a mom, having a child who is so tuned into me, it's very, very important that I kind of get that in check, because the wreckage there is unbelievable. And I believe truly that when we have awareness about what we're doing in the cycle, we want to break it. We want our children's lives to be enhanced by the relationship they have with us. And so that is such an important piece of significance for me. And so when he curled up on my lap and when he was talking to me and wondering, mom, what's wrong? And, you know, really honoring the present moment, allowing myself to really drop into that present moment, helped me to realize that I can control my reaction if I slow down and realize kind of that gratitude piece.

Well, I think also, you know, as parents, I know threes, eights, we do the same thing as parents. Parents that, like, we want to show our kids what resilience and strong and a good work ethic looks like. And sometimes, because our come from. Is from the right place in our heart, you know, these are kids that need to learn what adversity looks like and pain looks like. And especially as a three, wanting to, you know, maintain a certain image, even in your own home, we can rob our children of the emotional intelligence tumult, navigate hard things in the world. So you letting your son in that, like, he could, first of all, feel that something was shook in you, but you not trying to hide it either was really, really, really important as a parent. And I know for a three, that is one of the hardest things to do.

Yeah. And you said, you know, when we. When we did have our. Our session, you know, you told me that sometimes God gives us what we need in our children, what we need to learn. And I certainly got that in my youngest son, who's got really big emotions. He's very intuitive. He kind of came into this world as a just. He's wired that way, and so there is no hiding from him. And, you know, I believe that that is divine in its purpose to help me slow down, to help me understand.

So that being said, we have a stress number. And I think for threes, more than any other type, it's hard if you love or lead A3 to recognize that this is happening because of their need to portray a certain image for the world. It will be very hard for you to spot this in a 3 unless you live with them. And even then might be really challenging if they're not aware, because threes can polish this up and make it look something different. Or call it something else. But what's really happening is sometimes a three when they're pushed to the brink, when they, you know, when their achievement isn't kind of cutting it anymore and they know they have over yes, themselves, they're in deep. They can't maintain this image anymore. It's just a matter of time before people find out like that they don't have it all together. And the three under extreme stress moves into the unhealthy traits and the unhealthy behaviors that reside in the enneagram 9. And for those of you that don't know what that looks like, I want you to imagine. Okay, so we see this online a lot for my Enneagram threes. And I see it all the time. Like I'm going to take it. Like when they've been on hiatus from social media or taken a social media break or detox. I'm not saying all of them are doing this, but a lot of times when a three takes a break, they're in this nine zone. And a lot of times that means they are completely shutting down emotionally, spiritually, physically. And a lot of times this looks like horizontal on the couch with Netflix and Ho Hos. Not always.

Means like they don't. It's zero fucks in a bad way. Like in a not a healthy way. Like I just can't do it anymore. The body starts to shut down. They don't return phone calls. Maybe some passive aggressive behavior comes out. A little bit of the martyr zone kind of things happen. What does the unhealthy 9 look like for somebody like you, Katie, who's a high achiever?

All of that. Yeah, all of that. Yeah.

But nobody would know that. Nobody would know that.

No. But, you know, I. You've made it very clear. We kind of come into the world hard, hardwired. And so ever since I've been young, I mean, I've been a high achiever my whole life. I've been a three my whole life, right. So I started having, in the third grade, having hyperventilating moments where I'd have to go to the office. Extreme headaches, Intense, intense cramping. As I got into high school, my body would physically shut down and, and I, it would force me to be horizontal on the couch four days. It's almost like a lonely feeling for me. It's when I would call in sick to work. I mean, I'd be out for three days because I'm sick and, and I really would be sick, but it was almost like my body Telling me, you gotta stop, you've over committed, you're pushing too hard. And when I wasn't successful for, in, in the my career, and it wasn't that it wasn't successful, it was my. I was moving that flag. I kept moving that finish line to the outside world, I was successful. Right. You would never, that's why you would never know. But for me, for whatever reason, I felt like I wasn't achieving. The way that, that looked in corporate America was me taking a different job, moving banks. And it also became unhealthy behavior like buying a new car, getting new jewelry. It was, it was that pivot, those hard pivots or completely laid out for three days.

Right? Yeah.

Disguised as illness.

Disguised as illness or disguised as something else, like a social media break. Right. Like we can, we see it all the time. And I'm zero judgment. I get what's happening. We talked about the ZFG zone, right. The zero fucks given zone. And I think threes and eights really can go into that in the not healthy way. Like you keep moving the flag, I will just crush people. Like, nobody's gonna break me, nobody's gonna touch me. But then there's this beautiful side to the ZFG when. Yes. That fear of, you know, maybe not appearing good enough or like what other people might deem as successful. Like especially going into network marketing, everybody got something to say about that. Even people that love you. Right?

Right.

And God forbid, like you say that to a three and they're not in a good, healthy ZFG place. You can kind of slip into that nine zone or be inconsistent or quit and move on to something you know, you can crush. Yes. That healthy ZFG where it's like, yeah, that hurts. That person said this. Yep. I'm messy in this because I've never done this before. Yep. I was a VP in the banking industry and here I am pushing a product that I love genuinely. How do you get in the ZFG in all your threeness today? Because we all want to be in that beautiful, elegant ZFG zone.

Yeah. Well, my husband and I, we sometimes play this game about anything that we're needing to do and it is. What's the worst that can happen? Right. So for me, what I've had to do in all of my threeness as I'm navigating new levels and new devils. Right. Is that feeling of going, okay, let's really truly get a hold of this and say, what's the worst that could happen if I do this. And it's not successful. I mean, is that really the end of the world? Which is really hard for a three. Because we don't want to fail. We don't want. We have an image to protect. Everything we touch is gold. Everything we go for, we accomplish. So if I fall flat on my face, then that is worse.

That is terrible. That's, like, horrid to a three.

Yes. Yes.

Right.

So I have to just remind myself, what's the worst thing that can happen if I slip up and say the wrong word? If I decide that I don't want to do this anymore? What's the worst that can happen? And it's. It's. It's that dialogue that has to happen inside of my brain to reassure myself that I'm. I'm safe, I'm okay, and who cares, really? Who cares? I'm holding myself back if I don't get in that zone.

And you're right, that is definitely who cares? And you and I both have talked about this. Like, usually when people have something to say or they don't agree with it, even when it's coming from a place of love, it's a projection of their own fear. Now it's way easier to say, like, who cares? A lot harder to actually take action on that. So if you're pulling little KitKat, your inner child up onto your lap and she's telling you, this is scary. Oh, my gosh, what will they think? Would you tell her, who cares? Or what would you say to her?

Because she does care.

Yeah, she cares.

Yeah. So how would you help her move forward even though she does care? And it's gonna hurt if people say crap. Because I think any. Every three out there or people that love or lead, you need to hear, like, what would you really say?

You may not know right now.

Yeah, that's. It's a tough one. My instinct would be to say, I got. I got you right. You can trust me. We have done this before. We can do it right. That would be sort of my first reaction. I don't know if that's the right reaction, but.

Well, there's no wrong reaction.

There's no wrong or right. There's no wrong or right.

Especially when it's coming from this loving place. Four or three, it's like. Like, you know, with my six friends that, you know, my instinct is, like, don't worry about it while they're gonna worry about it.

Like, yes.

To say to a three, who cares what anybody thinks? They are gonna care. And so one of the Things that I say to threes. It's like, listen, where do you have evidence where maybe things didn't go the way that you thought they would and it actually turned out better?

Yes.

Right.

Yeah, because it. It can turn out better for sure.

Right? I mean, you have enough evidence of that in your life. Little Kit Kat didn't necessarily. She just had evidence. Like, if it. If it doesn't go a certain perfect way, then there's hell to pay. Right. And just remind, like, I love what you said. Like, I've got you. I've got this. It's gonna be okay. We don't know. Like, I tell, like, my inner part of me, like, I don't know how this is gonna go, but I know why we're doing it. And it's for everything beautiful. And it will grow us. It might hurt a little bit, but I've got you, I've got us. I've got the whole thing under control. And especially in that kind of energy, you know, instead of that. Because threes and eights, we're like freight trains. We will go and hot and barrel through things. And tapping into that more loving, compassionate energy that isn't so masculine. Right. I think is really important for that part of us. What. What were the blind spots that maybe you weren't aware of that you see now in your home life and in your business life that you are aware of and you don't pull out the shame stick for now, and instead you lean into compassion and love.

Being aware that I can go to that unhealthy nine has been really, really big for me. And also really tapping into.

Instead of thinking automatically, what could go wrong? What if this goes really well? What if this.

What's the best that can happen?

What is the best that can happen? Right? And. And. And really trying to stay more in that zone, like, we are moving and progressing for the good. And my faith tells me that everything God has for us is for the good, even when it doesn't feel so good. So if I really am going to be faithful and give in and surrender to that, then I've got to be willing to show up that way from myself.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And I think it's a beautiful example as a parent as well, because our kids are scared, too. I can't even imagine being a kid today. And, you know, everything's documented, for crying out loud. So I can't even imagine that pressure. Why do you believe that? Even though. Especially the threes out there that might be a little more resistant to Somebody like me, because, yes, I will see all of you, and it will be met with love and compassion. And I know that that doesn't make a three necessarily feel better. Right. But why do you believe somebody that's listening to you right now and to me right now should take on a part of this journey like this?

I think because as a three, I think we all reach that point.

Of a change that is going to occur in our life. A relationship, a work situation, and understanding how we can be sometimes the root of when things aren't going well, and it is hard to pull your own weeds. Right. It is hard to weed your own garden. And if. And you want to. You want to know naturally believe that you're. You're doing it all right and well, but. But it can have collateral. There can be collateral damage when we don't pay attention to this. And we will seek out that validation. We will seek out that Attaboy. That recognition. And sometimes that can be very unhealthy with addictions or, you know, over attachment to ideas or people. And so I think it's just important to begin to peel back some of those layers. And for me, it's been for the relationships in my life and. And then going after big goals, going after big dreams, and not being afraid of them.

The first thing I remember about you when we started doing our work together was this.

And I know a lot of you are going to like, oh, crap right now, was you're feeling like you lost your voice. And, like, you knew that there was this burning inside of you, but just as it would get to your throat, and you actually have physically lost your voice before. I mean, she's a singer and all these beautiful things, and just such a dynamic human that her voice does need to be heard. But one of the things I remember most about you, the very first thing I was like, okay, here we go. This is where it manifests in our body and feeling like you're always losing your voice metaphorically and physically. Do you feel like this journey in our time together over the last few months has allowed you to get that back?

Oh, definitely. Definitely. I mean, I do have a physical voice disability. I mean, it's a chronic issue. And when I'm feeling like I can't do or say what I need to, it stops right. It stops right there in my throat. And especially when I get emotional. Yeah, it's almost like. Like it's just not wanting to come. It's. It can't come out. And so being able to really process a lot of this and understand it has allowed me physically to be able to move past that. And look, I've done. I have doctors, I have speech pathologists who I work with. I mean, I did three years of speech therapy to begin to speak again. And so it's amazing how the mind and all of the, you know, you mentioned so many times, the body doesn't forget the trauma, doesn't forget the pain. And being able to process and work through that will allow the body to begin to heal. And that's what this has done for my voice physically.

I love that for you. And like, this is how real the conditioning is. And like the three in you, for sure, yeah, you had a physical ailment, but a lot of it, believe it or not. You can believe what you want, but emotions and trapped emotions have a lot to do with our physical health and the dis ease disease that's in our body. I'm so glad that you are getting that voice and leaning into it even when it gets a little rocky for you along.

Yeah, it gets rocky. And so I just acknowledge it and move on. And that's one of the ZFG zones I have to get into and say, you know what, the voice is doing its thing right now, but it's not going to to stop me from delivering a message that I believe I'm here to deliver.

Oh, Ms. Katie and KitKat, you guys are here for many mighty things. And your true authentic self, not what the world wants you to be or what you think the world wants you to be, needs to continue to shine your light because it's beautiful. You have enhanced my life in so many ways. Where can people find you if they want to follow along on Katie's journey?

Yeah, so go find me over on Instagram @katiegibbons.co. and I play a lot with my kids on there. I'm a homeschool mom and I have a coaching business. And I'm in network marketing, as you mentioned. And so, yeah, go find me over there and I'd love to connect.

What is your coaching business? Because I think it's something that all of y' all need. So what does that entail?

So it's money coaching. It is helping people kind of understand their mindset about money and why they're doing the things they're doing with money. And we do physically get into some. You know, I help people really manage money. I help women learn how to manage money working mamas. Because I feel like a lot of times we are allowing our paycheck to steal Our joy. And we're sacrificing what it is we really want to do in this world. And so I'm here to help you clear that so that you can get into what you're. You're here on earth to do and stop using money and money problems as your excuse.

She is the perfect person to help you through this. I mean, the VP of Banking, y', all, and, you know, breaking through her own image and holdbacks around the control that had over her in certain ways, like, and honestly, she's committed to her own work daily. And that is the best kind of coach to hire. Not just one that can, like, transform you, but one that's working their own transformation. Right alongside you is the kind of coach. So I highly, highly, highly Recommend you find Ms. Katie Gibbons.

Thank you. Yeah, you know, this. This work that we've done, you know, it started for me years ago because this image part of me was there, and I went down an unhealthy path. We were $100,000 in debt. I hated my job. I felt like I was in prison. There was something more I wanted. I literally had the golden handcuffs on at work. I felt trapped because I needed to make the salary to. To keep up with the lifestyle and the image that we had created. And, you know, I broke free from that and transformed from that. And it was not easy, but I really want to help people. People do that because I feel like, you know, when you read statistics, like, 90% of people hate their jobs and they don't like what they're doing. We need to fix that. We definitely need to fix that. So, yeah, I've done my own work. I've made my own mistakes. Despite the fact that I knew everything. I mean, I'm a finance expert. I still messed up, right? I still, I still made mistakes. I still turn to money and material things to help kind of soothe me.

So she's the perfect person to help you with that. Let me tell you. I, you know, I think the reason why I am so credible is because I have messed up. I have messed up in all the things that you guys are trying to hide. And I love that you do that too. And if you want to dive deeper into your enneagram type or just know for sure what you are and how to use this. I am doing typing sessions currently. You can go to my website, traceyomalley.com, the work with me section. It'll be probably the most eye opening hour plus of your life. And you'll actually walk away with tools on how to use this beautiful thing called the Enneagram in your business and in your life and with everyone you love and and lead as well. You can also find me on Instagram tracyomalley and if you love this episode, it would mean the world for both Katie and I that you know her experience is to serve and to bless somebody else. So if you share this episode with somebody that you love or lead, it would mean the world to both of us. And until next time, here's to becoming the ultimate leader in your life.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.