EP181: Christina Lecuyer: The External Life Most Would Be Envious Of—The Other Side of a THREE

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Okay, my Enneagram fans, even if you're not an enneagram3, you're gonna want to listen to this, because in my experience, myself included, we all want to be just like the Enneagram Three, the achiever. And I was mistyped as a three, and I can see why. And when you hear my dear friend Christina and I chat, you might wonder if she's mistyped as an 8 because she' got some intense, strong, fierce energy. We are very much alike in how we kind of express ourselves in the world. We both love Jesus, we both say fuck. We're both okay with that, you know, but we're motivated very differently, and we've been running in the same circles for a while. It's like, I keep hearing about her, I think she's kept hearing about me, and eventually our paths cross and we had a great interview on her podcast. You guys will want to check that out. And she'll talk about that. But what I was fascinated, I'm always fascinated by, by the enneagram3. And I love interviewing them because in full transparency, that was the type. Before I knew it was a thing that I so harshly judged. The threes are motivated by a need for significance. And they find the significance in what they do, what they achieve, and how they appear. And the eight in me used to so fiercely judge them as weak for needing that. And, you know, I've had. I have so much compassion for them. And although many of you have put a three up on a pedestal in this hustle culture and this boss ass bitch vibe and, you know, all the things that we hear as women in 2021, you know, about stepping into our power and everything, there is a dark side to the enneagram 3, and there is a little torture that comes in this drive for significance in what they do. And you're going to hear this beautiful, elegant, open, transparent conversation with my friend Christina, who is an entrepreneur, she's a coach, She's a legend, quite honestly, in what she does. She's a former pro golfer. Do you still pro golfer? Is it just like for fun?

Oh, girl, I will take an old man's money any day of the week, girl. Oh my God.

I need you to teach me. I wish you lived out my way.

Oh, my God. It's the hardest sport I ever fucking run.

I know I've left a few bags of clubs in the bottom of a lake before, truth be told and true Instagram 8 fashion. I wanted to have a conversation about most of us look at a 3 and think everything comes easy for them and we all want to be like them. And if I could just kind of eat that, grab that, be that even with the pandemic and everything, when we saw massive pivoting happen, it was almost always by a three or a seven. But they just when their achievement and goals are at stake, no matter what happens, even in the world of crazy, that 2020 and 2021 where A3 just figures because their whole being is driven by that. So, my Christina, hello today, girl.

Oh my God, I'm so excited to be here because number one, I always learn from you. And this is going to be like such a learning. Like, I feel like I'm getting a free session right now when I get to share my, like, my life and my journey and hopefully help someone else. So I'm getting to learn alongside you today and I'm super grateful to be here. I. I love that when we connected on my podcast, the Decided YouTube podcast, I thought you were a perf fit for that. And then I was so honored that you're like, wait a minute. I never have anyone like you, like non Indian grand person on my podcast, but do you want to do it? And I was like, yeah, send me your link. I want to do this so bad. So thank you for having me.

You're so welcome. I love when people have really understood that the Enneagram is not just this fun, trendy party game. It actually is a powerful tool. And I think, especially if you're a woman listening, you know, we try to wear all these different hats and you know, some of us are moms, some of us are business owners, some of us play pro golf. You know, we, I think women were like this multi passionate chameleon in our. In our world. And the framework of the Enneagram really allowed me to give myself a hell of a lot more grace and compassion because you can't Give other people what you don't freely give yourself. And although I used to believe I gave people compassion, that was bullshit. It was more like judgment. Right. And I think that in hearing you, I think you're going to help a lot of people.

I'm so thankful. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like I got another like lease on Life at like 28, 29, 27, 28, 29. However old I was. And I really feel like my responsibility now is to serve others. Like I truly believe from the bottom of my core. Like the minute I really stepped into like who I was and what I was actually here for instead of what I should be like, I now have this massive responsibility on the planet. And so yes, all of the things that you said about a three and. Yeah, where do you want me to start?

Well, I love that you just said that because one of my favorite things, you know, the 8 has intense energy and that is a beautiful gift sometimes. And it can also be my biggest weakness. Right. Depending on the come from, you know, your gift of, you know, achieving and doing all the things you do with great reward comes great responsibility. And me having the gift of intensity, that can be very powerful in a not healthy way too. Right. And your achieving can also get in the way of certain things. So I want to take us, I want you to take us back to what you just said, like 27, 28, that era of your life. And you're, you're how old today? If you don't mind, I'll be 39.

In a couple weeks.

So about, about a decade ago, you.

Yeah, 10 to 12 years ago.

Same. That was when my like come to Jesus moment was like, oh yeah, rock bottom, baby. If you want something different, it's going to require something different of you. And so where were you at back 12 years ago?

Yeah, I was kind of at the lowest of the low. I mean my whole thing, I was. Oh, I had an external life that most people would think was friggin awesome. I was like super freaking skinny. I was good looking. I was playing pro golf. I was in a relationship with, thank you Jesus, my still husband at the time. We weren't married at the time, but we'd been together for, we've been together now like 18 years or something like that. So I was with him, I was traveling all the time. I had television contracts, I was on reality shows for golf. I mean, like my life looked pretty friggin awesome. But you know, that 27, 28 time is where I was kind of just like, wow, I am so unhappy and I hate myself and I hate my life and I don't want to have anything to do with this life. And I, you know, I don't know if I ever got to the point where I was like dead serious about harming myself. But I had thought about it many a times, like I just was so miserable with who I was because starting back when I was like 17 years old, I always say, like something happened to me when I was like 17, 18 years old. Two things really happened that I think most people would look at and be like, how is that a negative thing? But I remember I came home from, I went backpacking by myself, graduated high school, I was always like a workhorse, always an entrepreneur and saved up a bunch of money. Went backpacking by myself through New Zealand, Fiji, Malaysia. I went for like three and a half months and I came home and I remember the last day I maybe had 100 bucks left and I went and got my hair done because it hadn't been done for like three months. And so that was the first time I ever got my hair colored. I probably lost a little bit of weight on the three months that I was actually gone because I was never really a big partier. Most people went on those trips and gained like 50 pounds, but I didn't and came home. So I was pretty good looking and it was the first time in my life I got noticed for my looks. Then that same summer I came home, I started to play golf because I wanted to hang out with the guys. I'd always worked at the golf course, but I wanted to hang out with the guys. And what do you do at a golf course after you're done working? You go play golf. So I had to learn how to play golf and I got really good really fast. So when I was, you know, at that 18, 19 time frame, I got good looking and I got good at golf. And what does that give you? That gives you a whole bunch of atta girls. That was like, you're so pretty, you're so good, you're so smart, your life's going to be awesome. You should do this, you should do that. It was the first time in my life that I have getting this external validation and I'll tell you, it might as well have been crack cocaine at the time because I thought this was the best thing since sliced friggin bread. Where do I sign up and how do I get more of this in my brain at the time? It's get skinnier, get better at golf, get more accolades, get more Attention. And how do you do that? So that was kind of a 10 year train that started until, you know, the train crashed. Nothing actually crashed except for, you know, I developed a horrible eating disorder. I was making myself sick 50 times a day. I hated myself. I didn't know if I wanted to live. I was doing all of the shooting on myself that I ever thought I should be doing. And it just came to a screeching halt.

So something that you said, you know, because I get asked a lot is the enneagram, your enneagram type, like, are you born with it? Do you grow into it? Can it change? And one of the things that I like to say is we're kind of hardwired a certain way, right? And I've carried some babies in my belly. And they definitely their disposition and temperament absolutely is true to like their disposition and temperament today and their enneagram type. But I also think how that gets expressed happens in the environment, right? That's why you can have two different threes right next to each other. And they can appear very different. That drive for significance earlier, before that moment where you got acknowledged and the atta girls and all of this crack. I often say the Atta girls or the atta boys is a crack pipe for a three. Where in your life before that happened were you seeking significance in the home, in school, you know, because you are kind of wired that way naturally, right? Where did you get that hit before that moment, would you say?

Yeah, I think I was probably seeking it. I was the oldest. I was always hard working. I always did what I was supposed to do. I'd probably never had broken a rule in my whole entire life. Like, I never had a sip of alcohol until I was in Canada. You're allowed to be. You're 18. So I waited until I was probably like 17, you know, never did anything wrong. Never, never went out. Like, never went out and partied. I was always kind of like following the rules and doing what I was supposed to be doing. And then my middle brother, when we were younger, at the time, he was good at everything. He had like all the natural talent in the world. I'm not naturally good at anything. I am 100% the hardest worker in the room most of the time. That's how I played golf. That's how I do business. That's how I do everything. I'm naturally not good at shit, but I will outwork a motherfucker any day.

Absolutely. I love that. And I love that you said that you were always seeking and then having A brother that is getting all the atta boys for all this other stuff. I can see why. This moment when you picked up golf and you got a little prettier, I mean, you're. You couldn't be. You could not be pretty.

No, I really wasn't. I really wasn't. I promise.

Well, I grew up in the 80s, so there's that. It was like, show. So. But I think that that moment, like, you finally found what you've been searching for your whole life in that moment. And, yeah, you're right. It took about 10 years for that to spiral out. So, although on the outside, like you said, you know, you had this external life that most would be envious of and would say, oh, must be nice to be you. Poor you, poor you. Which I'm sure you did hear. When you finally are like, I'm crashing and burning here. What do you think you were missing? Was it, like, who you're designed to be? I know that you're a late believer too, right?

I am, yeah. I came into my faith after I had my crash and burn because I knew I couldn't do it by myself. Yeah, I was kind of at that point where I was like, well, this is not working. What else are we gonna do? And that's really when I found, you know, what I do now is, like, the mindset work and, you know, my faith and all of the things.

So I say this a lot. Like, our main enneagram type is like the leading actor, actor or actress in our show we called Life. It's the main tool in our tool belt. And I've said this before, that having the right tool for the job is really, really important to make this more elegant, to find purpose, to feel passionate about what we do, to be more effective and productive and all the things. And although the three get shit done like anybody else a lot of times, because that main character in your show is so fixated on that end result, you can almost be like this bulldozer in your life. Your greatest strength sometimes can be the wrecking ball in your life because you are kind of like. It's almost like a rabid dog. You see it and you're going after it no matter what you leave in the wake. So at 28, 29, what were you leaving in your wake and what was your soul missing that this couldn't go on anymore? Other than. I mean, I have the whole eating disorder. I was purging. Like, you were, like, excessively.

Honestly, I know that is one of the greatest highs that I've ever had, but also the most vile thing I've ever done in my life. And it's kind of like the three, like you're achieving, but you have no soul sometimes when it's coming from the wrong place. Is that where you were at?

Yeah, it was just kind of like I actually had a conversation with God, higher power, whatever you want to call it. I know that I think all addiction in some regard. I have a family member, a close family member who's an addict. And you know, I don't think I'm any better in that regard. I mean, that was my addiction, right? Like, my addiction was that I just think that like I just needed to stop doing it more than this other person has needed to stop doing theirs. I was at the rock bottom that I knew I was probably going to lose my relationship. And still to this day, like we've been together 18 years. He's still the person that makes me cry thinking about anything like that. Like, I definitely want to kill him 99% of the time. Like even this morning. Snoring like a freight train may honestly kill him one day by stopping the snoring. But it's the best thing that's ever happened to my whole entire life. Finding my faith was really helpful. I think the main thing that really helped me was like figuring out that I actually had more to give on the planet than just playing golf. The minute I started surrounding myself with different people, I understood that I had more to give. And there was something inside of me that I knew. I've always known. I came from very middle class, family, good people, just definitely not the mindset of the way that I am now. And I just, I've always known that I was going to be successful. I've always known that like I was. I started working at a golf course when I was like 12 years old. And when you work at a golf course where you work at private country clubs, you're around really successful people all the time. So I knew I wasn't that different and I knew it could possibly be mine. I just had to get over the self hatred in order to fucking do it. And I had to stop listening to the should. You know, I say people all the time. Like people should on themselves all day long. Like, I mean, I don't care if it's social media, your parents, your spouse, your kids, like, whatever it is. Like quit listening to all the shoulds and shut everything down and start listening to yourself, which is that small still voice, you know, that's my favorite scripture. Be still and know. And I think that, like, for me, it just. It was a combination of just like the train was crashing. I remember it was like a 2 o' clock in the afternoon. I had just failed Q school for like the third year in a row, which is like, to get your LPGA tour card. Because my. I was told if you get your tour card, fuck, your life's gonna be amazing. And I had like, bullshit status on some mini tours and stuff like that. I wasn't making great money. I was living in people's houses. But it looked great from the outside. But I remember ironing at 2 o' clock in the afternoon, sunny out. And I'm thinking, how in the did this happen? How am I ironing at 2 o' clock in the afternoon, crying, throwing up, hating my life. Like, this was not the plan. And I. In that moment, I just knew I was the only thing that could change.

Yeah. You know, I heard in rehab from my therapist, you know, you have a very robust ego and your best thinking has gotten you here. And I was kind of at that moment too. Like, on the outside, most people thought I had it all together, and I did. I was white knuckling it, but I did. But she also told me I had this God complex. And there's an element of truth with the three and the eight. We are very. We have very robust egos, probably bigger than anyone on the Enneagram. And especially a three when you have this God complex where you think you are the shit. Right? And even if you don't believe that in your soul, which is evident of this is why I have so much compassion for threes today. They don't. Like, they'll never achieve that status, like, ever. Like, you keep moving the finish line, keep moving the finish line. But to the world, it looks like you are the most confident person in the world. And that can almost be the thing.

So interesting that you say that. So I played college golf. I was the first year in college. I was absolute shit because I started playing golf when I was 18 years old. By the first three tournaments I have ever played in my life, I won. Got so good so fast, I got a college scholarship. Came to Arkansas the first semester. And I remember the first semester was like a goat rodeo. So fucking bad. It was horrible. But then, like, I finally like, stepped into. I mean, going from like where I live, big city, to like little like tiny town, Arkansas, like 30 or 40,000 people. At the time, it was like holy transition of everything. Everything that I knew was like completely different. But I Remember the first semester was shit. And, and that from that moment on, after that first semester was over, like, I was like an All American. I won five times. I was like the number one player on the team for a good period of time and all the things. And I remember my coach telling me on the range one time, he called me the intimidator. He said, every single person is intimidated by you. And it was the weirdest thing is because I knew that people were. And yet inside I was like, how in the hell is someone like I was. I had such low self worth and such low self confidence and, and it's so interesting now that you know confidence coach. But it was the difference between the internal confidence I have today versus the external confidence I possessed before. I think I probably still have external confidence, but now it's like actually fucking real. There's like a motor inside instead of just being hollow.

It's funny because your crack is like the Atta Girls. My crack is you're so intimidating and so strong. I'm like, ooh, like in the old me, right? Like the unhealthy version. Like, I need to know I was the strongest person you've ever seen in your life, so I couldn't be betrayed or violated. And so when people would say you're so intimidated, I'm like, mission accomplished. Like, I loved it. So that being said, the three in you will. Because it's the main character, it's the, it's your essence, it's how you're hardwired. Although, yes, you do get things done and, and things like that, it isn't always the right tool for the job.

Sometimes like that barreling through or the pressure that you put on yourself, you can come across sometimes as self absorbed. When you're all in, what's in it for you and the end goal and the achievement and the measuring stick that you guys put on yourself and the world starts to put on you because you just make it happen. And so we kind of jump on the coattails of a three, which adds even more pressure to, you know, that beast a little bit, right? It's like, it's. The real flex starts to come out. And especially when all these Atta Girls and accolades and, you know, the significance is on high alert for you. So in order to pull out of that, obviously, you know, believing in something greater than ourself and whatever you believe, I, I believe in a God for sure. And I like to say, even if you don't believe in the same God I do, it's good Orderly direction of something much bigger than you. As long as you find that I'm telling you, it'll feel a lot less lonely in this. But it's really hard to pull out of it, even when you know it's there. And you have this divine, beautiful presence in your life. And I know I need my wings in order for me to surrender, even with how strong my faith is, left to my own ego and my own robust ego. As my therapist tells me, I need a little assistance. And I need some tools in my tool belt, because the 8me will always go into betrayal and violation. Guard up. You stay away. And the. The essence of you will be like, I just got to do this. I got to do, do, do, do, do. And that is like, you're a child of God, right? And my favorite scriptures, the steps of a good man or woman are ordered by the Lord. Already done, past tense. He's already got the plan for you. And then we take free will into this shit show, which can be really wrapped up in the, you know, this unhealthy part of our enneagram type. So using the wings, you know, so as a three, you have on one side, your two wing, which is like the relationship, which I see you in this a lot. This is beautiful. The relationship builder connector, empathy. It's about the people.

100 million percent. 100 million percent. It's about people.

And then on the other side of you is this beautiful four, the individualist, which. It's kind of like with the three. And I usually take them through this journey. It's like, let's lean into the two wing first. Like, because the three is just like, let's fucking go, right? Always. It's always ready to go. But that isn't always the right tool for the job, because we can burn through relationships, our bodies. You've heard all the things, right? So kind of leaning into the two. Okay, we've got people involved here. We've got a husband. We've got people that work for us. We've got people we care about. Obviously, if I'm just in, let's go, I could bulldoze the very people that I'm doing this for, right? So leaning into that two wing and then kind of like, okay, that four wing is like, but what do I really want? If nobody was cheering me on and nobody was, you know, saying, christina, you're the best ever, would I still do this? And that four wing, that's also where your creativity and your beautiful storytelling, you're such an elegant storyteller. Here oh, thank you. That's beautiful. So how do you use your wings today? Because a lot of, I think the most well rounded, successful three really utilize their wings. Not just their, let's fucking go, three. Pedal to the metal part of them. And it takes a surrender to that. So how do you.

I was about to say, I mean, oh my God, I must got my shit together because I'm like hard on the two and hard on the four. I really am. Like, I really, really am. Like, I always say that. You know, my coach uses this example and one of my clients this past year uses this word. It's called the both. And there's just so much both and in life. And I literally, truly believe, like, I am so fucking driven for my people. Like, if I'm not achieving something, it's 100% because of my clients. Like, if I don't sell something out or like, it's never about me. Often times, like, I definitely more lean into the two. I know that about myself because I'm like, well, it doesn't matter if I go bankrupt because someone is relying on me. Like, I have to do this for them. Like, I care so much about my people and what I get to do and their wins and like, I get eat up sometimes when it comes to, like, is everything okay with my people? And now that's a relationship with my parents. Like, that is the reason why I'm in therapy for sure is like, I definitely want to. And with my husband, like, I want to make sure everyone around me is okay. Everything is about, you know, making sure everyone else is okay. But then also too, it's a both and I am, am good at knowing what is good for me. Like, I can say no to certain things that are not serving me. And when I do that, it makes me feel lighter and then I can show up better and all of the things. But one phrase that I kind of, it's on a screensaver on my phone is I say, what's my job? What's God's job? And what's their job? So I sometimes confuse jobs. I confuse what's my job, what's my either clients, parents, coach, employee, whatever job, and God's job. So, like, I know when I lay my head down on the pillow at night, 90% of the time, 91% of the time, I've done my job. So then I have to know that God's doing his job 100%. So sometimes it's the other person's fucking job. And I don't have to do all the jobs. So for me, that's really helpful. I think that like, that's a something that I do really I'm pretty good at is knowing like, like where's my job? And, and that's the reason why I believe in coaching so much is because like, when I'm confusing the jobs, I have someone telling me, hi, is this your job? Okay. No, it's not. So you can back the down.

Yeah. And that's really where a 3 can get into trouble. Especially if you are relying for people to drive your finish line a little bit. Where like you surrendering that I might end up go. Especially if it's a team effort and in what you do and the coaching and you have a team that works with you. Like where a 3 can get into trouble is when, you know, people aren't keeping up with your pace that you can tend to take over. Right. And it ain't your job. And although it might slow you down, like, that's when I see like a three lose their shit a little bit. And so the three. I love what you said. It's what's my job, Their job and God's job. Like that will help keep you in that.

It does.

It's a humility to me.

Yeah.

Doesn't mean it feels freaking good when.

You have to surrender and it's hard and you want to cry. And I am, you know, if you follow me on social media, my handles be Christina. If you follow me, I am the girl who like, probably leans a little too hard to. Yeah, bitches. It takes work. We gotta like try at this. Like, nothing's easy more so than like the woo woo. Like hi lion bed and you'll make millions. But I'm kind of.

You mean Sarah the spiritual influencer.

Oh my God. I literally, I'm, you know, your best friend there. Tiffany and I were talking about that and that's really when she piped up and paid attention because her and I are very similar on. On that side of the spectrum. But I do think like, you know, I really want to make sure that I'm not pushing too hard on. On what's my job. And a lot of the action because if you don't allow room for space, if you don't allow room for miracles, if you don't allow room for God, you know, all of those things, you can, you can jack up the show. So. So it's a both and it is.

A both and and when I work with a lot of threes, they do get mad at me quite often a. Because I won't feed the unhealthy part of them. Like, a lot of times when I know I'm in the presence of threes, I purposely won't tell them how great they are at what they do, how they appear, what they achieve, because I don't want to feed that unhealthy beast. But I also know they need a little bit of, like, throw them a bone and I will always tell them how beautiful their heart is, how lovely their energy is and all the things, because I want to feed the healthier part of that drive. Right? And what you said is so important as a 3. They don't like to be slowed down. And when I'm working with them, I always tell them right on the get go, like, you're going to get to a point where you're mad at me because I'm going to slow you down in order to speed you up in a way that feels like what you've been chasing your entire life. But we got to slow you down in order to really find that. And the growth number of the three is that Enneagram 6, which is Tiffany. It is that. That loyal skeptic, the master troubleshooter. So you do it so beautifully. Your master troubleshoot is, Is it my job? Is it God's job? Is it their job? Like, you are embodying that healthy six in slowing down enough to know it's not just my fucking job, and let's fucking go. You're slowing down enough to troubleshoot this, and that is why you are doing what feels so beautiful for you today. It's why you have so much fulfillment. It's why, like, you actually are championing other people's success, knowing that if you just do that and from the, the greatest depths of your soul and the divine God that that leads you, that, yeah, it might go slower, but I'm gonna win no matter what, right?

Oh, I've won. I've won.

Exactly.

Oh, I've 101. Like, I, I, I could cry. Like, I have a hundred percent one. I mean, I still have bad days. There's still like that still want to, you know, fix the world. But, like, no, I 100% won. The fact of where I was 10 years ago to like, literally sitting at my fucking desk serving people and getting paid tons of money. Like, shit tons to me. Like, fuck, I'm so grateful that this is my life. Like, this is my life. Like, I wouldn't trade anything for anyone. And I still have really hard days. Like, I have hard days. I mean, I'M on our whatever the hell it is of today. And, like, you know, I need a walk and I could probably yell at my husband if he coughs wrong, but at the end of the day, I'm very, very happy. Yeah.

Oh, I love that. And here's the part of the three that most don't see. And this is when it gets really, really dark. And it's important that if you love or lead a three that you know this, but I just want you. I'm going to preface it this. You'll probably never, ever see it because they guard this part of them like their life depends on it, even though, like, Christina's super healthy and in this and. And I have seen elements of this even in you, in, like, surrendering to this publicly. It's been beautiful to watch. But A three under extreme stress, when they're overachieving ways don't work anymore. That's usually the hyperactive three that you'll see. Like the let's fucking go three. Although that is like an unhealthy drive sometimes. And they will sacrifice their bodies, their relationships, anything in order to get it. When that doesn't cut it anymore, which is where we found you 12 years ago. All of a sudden, they appear very different than what the world sees. And that unhealthy nine takes over where we are completely shutting down any desire, any feelings. We are going numb. We are going into the cave. They usually will take a little hiatus from the outside world. And most of you just think it's, well, they deserve a break. Oh, my gosh, they must be so tired from all they achieve. And although that is true, a lot of the times this is. What's happening is they have burned themselves out. They have burned their bodies, they have burned out their relationships. Life is falling apart. And because they are a lot of times driven by what. What they do, how they appear and what they achieve, if they're having this failure hit them, whether it's in their own emotional state, their body, very rarely will you publicly see it. Is that what was happening 12 years ago for you until you got to the point, like, I can't hide this anymore, otherwise I'm going to die.

Yeah, 100% for sure. Like, no one knew. Like, I still even don't speak about it to my family.

Like.

Like, if they listen to my podcast, they'd know. You know what I mean? So it's, like, open. Like, you can follow me on social media and, like, grab bits and pieces, but it's kind of open, but, like, oh, my God, I was so fearful. So fearful of whatever. More so like friends. More so like my husband's family. More so like people like that that I didn't feel super, super safe with. And also too, because I was trying to of protect my family for sure, because, like, I didn't think my family could handle it. Like, my family already had enough going on and I was the person who was supposed to be, like, having their shit together, right? And so, like, to me, that was like, just kind of do your own thing. But, like, I needed to get vulnerable because you're kind of dying inside, right? Like, you need to like. Like people who aren't vulnerable. I'm just like, super confused by, like, not even confused. Like, I feel. Feel like kind of sad for. Because I'm like, oh, that's so hard because I did that for such a long time, you know? But yeah, like, when I was in this, like, transition type of period, it's like I wanted some people to know but not other people to know. And then I finally got to the point that I'm like, fuck it, they're just hurting. Like, I don't care what they actually think. Like, I really actually don't even care what anyone thinks about me now because I'm just kind of at the point that I'm like, oh, wow, every human being has their shit. Like, I don't care, you know, who you are, what you do. Like, like, you all. Every single person on this planet has something, and, like, not one thing is better than another. And I actually don't view myself any better than anyone else. And so I think that that helps too, because I'm like, well, they're no better than me and I'm no better than them, so whatever.

Yeah, it was in my own. You know, this is where threes and eights are a lot, a lot alike. Like, we will protect that vulnerability at all costs for you because, like, what would people think originally? For me, it's like, that is weakness, right? And I think if I didn't do that, I would be dead today.

So that that beautiful gift of humility for myself is what allowed me to no longer judge the beautiful people like you out in the world. I have so much compassion when I see that hyper overdrive, this insatiable need to succeed, instead of judging it today, I'm like, wow, I have so much compassion. And I'll just like, gently send them beautiful vibes and hold space if and when they should crash and burn. Because I know how hard it was for me to crash and Burn, especially publicly. But it was required for me to be able to step into who I am today. And I know without that experience 12 years ago, you are not the wife, the leader, the coach.

Oh, no chance in hell. I don't regret any of it. Not one second. Because I couldn't be who I am today. Like, you know, even in therapy, Like, I'll talk about that. Like, with my family, it's because they'll feel bad, and I'll be like, no, no, do not feel bad. Do not feel bad. Like, promise you I will go back and do this goat rodeo again to have what I have today. I always use that word. That's a golf analogy.

I freaking love it.

Yeah, it's. It's a golf analysis analogy. But all of that to be said is, yeah, 100%. I can't. I had a question come up that I was going to ask you. Was, is it possible for a 3. The way I am now, like, more on the healing journey, am I still able to. Like, where. Where does that line get crossed? Like, because I still am. Like, even the pandemic, like, when you said that, I was like, oh, yeah, bitch, that was me. Like, during the pandemic, I literally. I remember, like, two weeks in when I was like, oh, wait a minute. This may not be, like, a thing. So I'm like, I'm going to be the person who, like, stands as an absolute rock right now and just lead like crazy and lap all these people who are watching Netflix and not take, like. And not, like, doubling down on life right now and are scared. So is that a negative thing or is that, like, a positive? Like, can I do that properly now? I'm wondering, like, I think this is a good question for me. Many.

It's, you know, it's this the same thing. Like, your superpowers are only your superpowers when it's coming from a place of love, compassion, empathy, service, and grace. And. Absolutely. Although, yes, you were gonna, like, leave these people in your dust, it was also for this mission to serve more people. And me, too. Like, I was like, people are gonna fall the fuck apart with this thing going on. And so how can I be my rock in a different way? Like, you. You're like, I'm going to create, build whatever it is that you're going to do with pivot, where I'm like, okay, I'm going to hold a lot of space because people are going to need a rock. And that's the gift of my eightness now. You know, I like to say like, you'll always have to check yourself. Because we can be the biggest bullshitter to ourself. We can justify any reason why we do what we do. We could say it's for the greatest good, but you and I and God, like, you know, and God knows your truth.

Truth.

But we have to slow down enough to take inventory. And how I do it is like, H O W. How we do it is be radically honest. What is my come from here? Am I trying to not be betrayed or violated and build this wall up? And like, I can be. This is where I can look very three like, is I'm building this wall around me so I can't be betrayed or violated. And I have to be honest. Where's my come from? Where is my come from? Is it from the greatest good and divinely led? If it's a yes, great. Then we're going to. Oh, how open I am to not being attached to what this looks like. How open am I to taking the consequences that will come in doing this? Yeah, I'm good with it. And then I'm willing to do whatever that looks like moving forward. And that's how I slow my role, to know if I'm coming from the healthy place. Right. Is it coming from love, compassion, empathy, service or grace or the backside? I would ask you during that time if you kind of slowed your roll a little bit and like, I'm going to pivot and I'm going to do this. Is it coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, ego, guilt? And if it's a no, then carry on. It's for the greatest good and it's a healthy kind of drive. And so when I feel like I need to flex my strong muscles because that's my. My crack is like being the strong girl all the time. I have to check my come from. Am I doing this because I feel like I have to prove it or I'm worried somebody's gonna, like, try to strong arm me? Or is this coming from the greatest love of all, which is God? And only when I answer truthfully will I take action moving forward. There are times I had to call bullshit on myself. Like, nope, I want to show. I want to flex. I want to flex.

Do you think that keeps people safe, though? Like, do you think that keeps people.

Like, so well, safe in a way that used to keep them safe but doesn't serve them today?

Yeah, because I think there's certain people that would look at that and like, be like, oh, this isn't for the greatest good. I'm not going to do it right now.

But to me, that's like not a three or an eight, though. Like that.

Like just for three and an eight. Because I was like that.

Just like a nine or a two might say, well, this isn't for the greatest good. And then they're in. They're in codependency. I'm talking specifically for the 3 and specifically for the 8. Because we are the more assertive types and we actually have to pull back a little bit.

Yeah.

But the more withdrawn types, the fours, fives and nines, and the compliant types, the ones, twos, and sixes, they have to check it in a different way. Like, their filter system is very different than mine and yours.

Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, that totally makes sense. Yeah. Cause, yeah, like, I mean, I didn't really pivot. I didn't pivot at all. I was still doing the exact same thing. I was just like, I am not going to be rocked. Like, I'm going to show up every single day. I am just going to like. And kind of like what you said. Like, I really didn't think about holding space, per se. I don't really use that word a ton, but I. Yeah, I know a lot of people do it. That's just not my word. But for, you know, I use Go Rodeo.

I love it. Well, that's the three thing. Like, holding space and like, like, like being back is totally innate thing.

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. But, yeah, it was just for me, it was like, I will just prove how consistent and stable almost I could be for people when they needed stability. I was like, watch me. Like, okay, just watch me.

Now that is something you're just gonna have to be mindful of the word proving.

Yeah.

Like, it's one thing to prove to yourself and God. It's another thing to prove to the people. And so just being very mindful, like, the proving thing. And same here. Like, I can prove how strong I am. Am I trying to prove that to myself and to God, or I want everybody to be on high alert that I'm the strongest girl in the room. Like, you're the most consistent in the room and, like, unshakable. But was that for you and God or for something outside of you? So. So always kind of running it through that and then being grounded enough to call bullshit on yourself is really hard, especially when we know we can do it. But just because we can do it doesn't mean we always should.

Yeah, I definitely feel like that was like. I guess the first thing I think of is like, for such a long time, I never drank alcohol and I never ate, quote, unquote, the bad things. It was such like a thing, like, I will prove that I'm better than you. And it got me so fucked up. And now I'm just kind of. Now I probably went the other way. I'm like, I need some stability in my life. I need some, like, saying no to certain things type of situation. Like. But yeah, like, it was more for me before to like, prove to someone rather than like, what I enjoyed to do. So it's kind of like that middle ground.

I kind of had a middle ground moment with the pandemic. And that whole thing too is like, I am going to be unshakable and unrattled in a different way. And it was beautiful in some ways. And in other ways I was like, this is a little slippery slope here because, yeah, you know, I had to watch my motive with my body and all of that. So I get that. Do you know what your husband is on the enneagram one? Oh, shit.

Remember we talked about that? You're like, oh, my God, you're married to one.

I was like, yeah, that's really amazing and can also be very conflicting.

Yeah, we're pretty much the exact same human in a lot of regards. Like last night, for instance, our garbage disposal needs to be changed on, like, the, I don't know, the sink in the bar area. So we had a girl come cook and she used the sink and it didn't work. And I was like, oh, shoot, you're not supposed to use that one. So needless to say, two people trying to, like, fix something, we are a bad combo.

Oh, my goodness. So I know that you work with a lot of, of people, and I know there's a lot of people listening. They're like, yes, please have her lead me. And I also know that a lot of them are like, but I'm not like her. How can she really lead me? Like, if I don't keep up with her, will. Will she leave me in her dust? I know that you lead all sorts of women that aren't necessarily like you. And in fact, I, I do too. How can they learn more from you, work with you, listen to you? I know, like, you mentioned your podcast. I want you to mention again because you're. You're such a dynamic speaker and interviewer.

Oh, well, thank you so much. And that's actually 100% the truth. I actually had two women in my business mastermind, so I do one on One coaching. I do two masterminds. One is called the decide it's your turn mastermind. It's for women who are just really want to find a great tribe up level their mindset and up level, you know, start their business and do things like that. And then I have more of a business mastermind and two women in my business masterminds. One of them is A, is a 2. They came to me this summer and they said by the way, I know we've invested in this mastermind and it's very expensive but we're taking the summer off. We're taking 74 days off to spend with our kids. And we just wanted you to know that we're really like okay with this. And they were like nervous to tell me and I was like, oh my God, that's the greatest thing I've ever fucking heard. Because it was so in alignment with them. And I just want people living their best lives and like their most confident lives. So yes to that. You can all the people all different things. I help people gain the clarity and the overhead perspective I believe to doing the things that that's most in their soul. And I just help them lean into that and become more confident in that. So I have a couple of masterminds. I do one on one coaching. My decide it's your turn podcast. Everything is decided yout turn the brand and then I have my network community is a community for men and women actually all across the world who want to come together, learn from me and then actually connect and network with like minded humans. And I think it's just a really great, great place off social media to be able to do that. Especially in the climate that we are in right now. It doesn't matter if you're, you know, left, right, purple, pink, whatever. It's a place that's off social media and it's a lot of fun. It's called the decide it's your turn network.

I love that. And where can they find you on the Instagram?

Be Christina. Because at any moment in time I encourage people to be themselves. I changed that handle because my identity was tied to golf. So for so many years I was golf Christina. The day that I changed it to be Christina was the day that I finally said, fuck it, I'm going to be Christina. And that can be golf Christina. That can be wife Christina. That can be Christina sitting on the couch. That can be Christina making a million dollars. That can be Christina sitting on her ass. Because my job is to be Christina.

Oh, I love that. And you guys, I know that this touched you and we would love to hear how this affected you. Maybe an aha moment you have. If you screenshot this right now and tag me Tracy underscore O' Malley and Ms. BChristina, that would mean the world to us. My love. I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. I love connecting with you. Thank you for having me. I feel like such an honor. Thank you.

It is my pleasure. And if you don't know your enneagram type, although you can take one of those online assessments, they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. It would be best just to connect with me and I can make sure sure that I send you off in the right direction so you can use the beautiful framework of your enneagram type to do all the things that Christina has done in her life in all her three ways and her supporting casts and her all her little beautiful intricacies of the Enneagram 3. I appreciate you just being so raw and vulnerable and honest and just who the hell you are designed to be. I love it. Thanks for being on girl.

Thanks lady.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.