EP187: Live Enneagram Typing Session: Improving the World (and Having Fun Doing It) with Whitney Lee (Enneagram 1)

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multi million dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

All right, all you Enneagram fans, we have a real live typing session today, and I am so excited to bring this woman to you. She is in a mastermind with me. We were in our mastermind together all of 2021. And are you renewed for next year, too?

I think so.

Yay. And when I met her, I gotta say, you all know me. I don't very rattled by many people. I don't. It's the Enneagram 8 in me. But this woman, she has a posture and a strength and a just energy that is like, holy moly, who the hell is this chick? And I mean that in all the positive ways. Probably 10 years ago, I wouldn't have liked her immediately because she was a threat or something like that. You know, that's an eight thing. We're always scanning for violators and all of that, but she is quite the powerhouse. And we were having lunch, I think it was maybe the first meetup back in January, maybe February. Yeah, got still, it was early on. And I could tell the questions come, so what type do you think I am? Right? And I'm like, well, I don't know you, so I don't know. And it's one of those things where I can pick up on behaviors and I can see some tendencies. And ironically, I always have somebody take the assessment. But as you guys have heard me say, 65 to 70% of the time, they're inaccurate. So I kind of just use it to look for patterns. And her and I just had a conversation. I had her pegged as a one just on our conversation. Now, that being said, you know, there's a lot more to really getting to somebody's core type. But when I had her take the assessment, of course the one showed up. And how I see in many Enneagram women were more mistyped than men because we can compartmentalize our stuff a lot More. But what I see typical for like an 8, a 3 or a 1 woman is usually those are the top three scores, the 8, 3, 1, because they look very much alike in a lot of ways. But the reasoning behind how they kind of present to the world looks really like it's very differently rooted. So I'll be curious to see what we come up with. Whitney, how are you today?

I'm so good. Thank you for having me on.

What made you want to do this?

I listened to your episode with DEZ Dickerson before, and she's also a PR girl. And I really knew nothing about the Enneagram. And I mean, I knew what it was in general, but I did not know my number. And when I met you, you know, at the Mastermind, so much conversation was centered around our types and, you know, how we work together with our teams and everything like that. So that was really the first time I ever, you know, gotten into my type. And now I'm just like so interested.

To learn more, you know, it's. It's one of those things like when you, when you speak Enneagram language, it's like, oh my gosh, you drink the Kool Aid, let's all chat. And I can understand where it's like, okay, what is whole thing about. And you mentioned it, you're in pr. What about being in the PR industry? And specifically, you guys, she has this really cool business called Social Ly and it is doing PR for resorts and hotels. Is it only specific to Florida in that area?

Nope. So I live in Florida, so that's kind of where my home base is. And of course Florida has a lot of resorts, but we worked with people all over and really it's kind of anything, you know, I got my career start in hotels, so that's kind of been my baby. But we've worked with destinations, experiences, so cruises, things like that. Anything kind of to do in the travel and experience realm.

And what made you want to get specifically into that arena?

Well, I live in a very heavily tourism area. I'm based out of Destin, Florida. So it's in northwest Florida. It's panhandle area. It's a really small town, but it's really, really heavy into tourism. So in this area, most of the jobs revolve around tourism. And I love to travel myself. So, you know, pr, social media, the whole communications realm is all about storytelling. And I just find it really easy and fulfilling to do it, you know, and it just feels good to me. So that's, you know, that's how I kind of got into the industry.

What's your favorite thing about doing PR as a career?

Every day is different, 100%. Or at least in my realm, owning an agency, every day is different because we work with a lot of different clients. I quickly, you know, when I worked for a corporate hotel, I quickly found that, like, sitting by myself in a room with no windows from 8 to 5, every day was not the life for me. So when I pivoted and started branching or I branched out and started my own business, you know, like, every day is, you know, some days I do work from home and I'm sitting behind a desk all day writing press releases and doing social media postings and brainstorming things like that. But there are other days that we're out all day gathering social content, doing strategy meetings with clients, doing photo shoots, you know, so I love that every day is different and we have so many different clients that kind of allow us to dabble in different, you know, different stories to tell.

I love that. What is your least favorite thing about being in pr?

Oh, my gosh. So sometimes I think that people look at PR people like, and I don't say this in a bad way like used car salesmen because they've been burned by PR people who have promised them things in the past. So they're like, oh, yeah, okay, I know how PR people are. Like, you promised me. You're going to get me all this exposure, you're going to get me all these podcast interviews, you're going to get me all this media coverage, and then none of it comes through. So that kind of hurts my soul a little bit. And that's something that I always try to strive with. Everybody that we work with is like, when you're doing pitching for PR specifically, I mean, there's so many facets to pr. There's social media that's kind of underneath that arm, there is media relations and influencer work. So PR is such a broad term. You know, it makes me sad that some people get a bad taste in their mouth over us because, you know, maybe they've been over promised and under delivered. So I always say ads are what you pay for. PR is what you pray for. You know, you can buy an ad all day long and tell the world how amazing you are, but who cares? Like if you're the one saying it, you know, now good pr, where other people are saying it for you, is that's what you pray for. That's priceless.

I love that. So back to what you said about it hurting your soul. And, you know, I don't know if you knew this, but I used to be in the car industry and like sold cars and all the things. So, like, I get the stigma, you know, I was like, are you freaking kidding me? I'm going to make you like, wish you never thought that about car people. I get that. When you prove them wrong, I got that. So when you said it hurt your soul, specifically when somebody is like throwing shade at the PR industry or specifically even like, like work you've done, which I doubt happens very much because you're very detail oriented. You don't miss much. I'm sure I can just tell when it hurts your soul. Is it because you do things in the highest of integrity, you have very high standards, or are you worried that they don't think you're amazing? Or what is it about it that really bugs you?

It's the integrity portion. 100% integrity is like everything to me. Because if I give somebody my word, even for little tiny stuff, you know, like, if I tell you I'm going to meet you for coffee at 9, I do not get up that morning and cancel on you at 8:30. That's kind of low integrity in my mind, you know. Or like, if I promise you something and you're paying me for a service, I'm going to be very upfront and very clear about what you're going to get out of the service and what you, you might get and what we're shooting for. You know what I mean? I like to be very realistic with people. So it's definitely. I mean, do I love it when people think I'm awesome? Of course.

I already know that. Thanks.

Everybody does. Everybody wants to feel like that, but it's totally the integrity thing. Like, it bothers my soul if somebody thinks like, Whitney promised me this and she was lying or she pulled one over on me or she wasn't worth the money I paid her.

When you say pulled one over on me, that has to do with like being betrayed or violated, which, I mean, you've kind of talked about what's rooted in the enneagram One A little bit about the three, but I don't really see much three in you. I mean, behaviorally I can see that. But the thing 4 and 8 is this being betrayed or violated. Like they need to be strong and protect at all costs. And that's where like a 1 and an 8 can look very much like they're both in like that action center of intelligence. They operate on instincts. And I See that with you. When you feel like somebody is pulling one over on you, does that set you off? Or is it more about like, keep your word.

When I feel like someone is pulling one over on me, I usually like identify it immediately. Me, 10 years ago probably would aggressively have been like, oh, I see what you're doing, you know, but me now, a little more mature, a little more grown. Me now, I immediately step back and I'm like, this doesn't feel right. I'm sorry, this doesn't feel right to me. And the confrontation portion doesn't bother me. Do I love confrontation? No, not really. If it has to happen, I'm down to make it happen. You know, if you were to say.

Something hangs you up on the daily, like, you know, you're tripping over the same damn thing. Like for me, it's the vulnerability every single time. Like letting people get a little too close, right? Like that is always my hang up. Cause I can throw walls up in my sleep and not even realize it sometimes. What would you say is the thing that gets you caught up or tripping over yourself from time to time in.

Work or in life or like relationships.

All across the board, because there's a common theme.

Oh man. What gets me hung up, Would it.

Have to do with like high standards, high integrity, being right? Are you one of those that like will fight till the end if you believe you're right?

I will definitely stand up for what I know is right. But if somebody else is just hell bent that I'm wrong at some point, I will kind of just be like, okay, think what you want, crazy person, bye. You know, I will walk away from it, but I definitely will. I will always make my opinion known, especially if it's asked for. And sometimes when it's not asked for, especially if I feel like something we're doing is in poor integrity, I will totally step in and be like, hey, I don't feel right about this. Like, I will totally speak up on that.

Are you one of those that is always when, when you're watching how people do things, are you looking more for like paying attention to detail? Or are you watching like how people are showing up, like in character? Is it more like things are black and white, right or wrong, good or bad? Or is it like you're kind of scanning for a shit show?

May the first. In regards to what I believe is right and wrong? I guess one of the things that I've learned or I've grown into knowing as I've gotten older, especially in my 30s, is like, I know what is right and wrong to me, and to my core, I know that's right and wrong. But I have started to finally realize that other people, People kind of have their right and wrongs. So I don't know if that answers the question.

When you were younger, before all this personal development, and you're what, in your early 30s?

I just turned 35 in August.

You're a youngster. What's your birth sign?

I'm a Leo.

Oh, totally are. Oh, I think you and the guy that I'm dating have the same birthday.

August 2nd.

Yeah, that's his birthday, too.

Oh, my gosh. I meet so many people with August 2nd birthdays. But I'm a Leo. Like, sun sign. But my rising and my moon are both cancers.

I can see that.

Which is. So those are, like opposite signs. Like, Leos are, like, hardcore strong, you know, like king of the jungle. And then cancers are like these deeply emotional mothering, like. So it's so strange. Like, you know, on the outside, I'm a lion. On the inside, I'm just like a little crab.

And you are, like, you are. The way that you present in a room is very lioness. Like, like, strong as hell. You guys, like, seriously. And you can just tell the powerhouse in. In you. And you are deeply emotional, which is an asset, actually. So before, you know, you hit 35 and you have wisdom, like, hallelujah for that. Right. It's like the greatest thing ever. When you felt you were like, you knew right and wrong. Would you be pretty close minded to anybody else's right and wrong?

Absolutely.

Yep. And that has come a lot from, you know, when I was raised, specifically my dad. Obviously, I'm not an enneagram specialist, but he's got to be a one, like, very much so.

Of like.

Okay, Whitney, you can make all these excuses that you want. You can spin your little story, however it is, but you know what's right is right, and you know what's wrong is wrong. So you can try to get in this little gray area and so you can feel better about yourself. But what's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong. So.

Okay, so let's talk about your dad with that. My dad was like that too, but it was only, like, specific things. Was your dad like that with everything or just, like, very specific things?

Things related to belief, religion, those kind of things? I was raised in a very, very Christian household and went to a private Christian school growing up. Like, was in church every Sunday of my life. You do not Miss church on Sunday. In fact, we went twice. The old saying, like twice on Sunday.

I grew up in south Mississippi, like Bible belt, but so, yes, black and white regarding religion, morality, lifestyle in regards to that sense.

Did he walk that talk or was. Yeah, straight shooting? Like, did part of you ever want to rebel against that or were you like, yeah, dad's kind of right.

I wanted to dabble in the rebellion a little bit. I never went too far out of the realm, but I did want to dabble a little bit. And I do even now think I'm a little more free, like free spirited than my dad ever was. So I dabbled a little bit. But then honestly, like most of the core beliefs I was taught as a child, I still believe that.

How would you describe your anger? Is it explosive or more critical?

Critical, 100%. It will get explosive if I hold it in for too long, which I do a lot of times. There's the little cancer in me. I'll hold it in. Hold it in. Because I'm thinking like, maybe I'm overreacting about this. Maybe I'm being too much. Because aggressive Whitney, especially in my 20s, would knock somebody's block off in two seconds as soon as you cross me the wrong way. But yes, now I'll hold it and hold it in. And if I do hold it in for too long, it becomes explosive. But my usual day to day anger is expressed in being critical, especially critical of myself more than other people.

Yeah. So it's more internalized until you're pushed to the brink. When you're at your best and feeling most confident, what kind of things show up for you?

Oh, really fun loving, really, really outgoing.

So fun fact, in like high school, you know how you have all these, like, little who's who, like most likely to be a celebrity. I was best with humor every year.

Really.

Yeah, I can see that. So definitely, like joking, like not taking life too seriously. Like, if it, if it sounds fun, let's do it. Also, I get serious fomo. So I want to do everything. I want to be in every club. I want to, I want to try out for every team. I want to. If my friends are going out, I'm going out every night with my friends. College. Not now. Yeah. But you know, so that, that's like the, at my peak, my happiest, you know.

Yeah. And when you're struggling, you're on the struggle bus, even though you're pretty polished up and most people wouldn't know you're struggling. What kind of stuff is going on or when it is kind of out that Whitney's on the struggle bus, what does that look like?

I, like, double down on myself as punishment. So actually, right before COVID hit, I was so busy in business that I would get up at like 4am and go to the gym, get my workout done, walk my dogs, clean my house and everything, and be at my desk at 7am and like, that's when I'm struggling most, is like. And same thing, like, with my weight. I've gained and lost 35 pounds three different times in my life. And it's like, when I get to my worst, I, like, double down with hardcore routines and, like, hardcore restrictions and super, super structured of here's, you know, immediately when I identify a problem and I realize I'm in the problem zone, I make a plan to figure it out. And then I'm so strict on myself about sticking to the plan because that's what's gonna fix the struggle bus moment.

You know, like, super rigid, can't, like, blinders on. And when you're in that zone, do you waver at all?

Not until. Not until I feel like the problem has been fixed, quote, unquote, you know, like, not until I feel like I have officially reached a better place. So, like, you know, if I spend a whole bunch of money, you know, then I would go. I would swing to the other side of the pendulum. So hard of, like, I'm not allowed to eat out this entire month. I'm not allowed to spend a penny on this, this, and this. I'm not, you know, And I go hardcore in the other direction as, like, almost like a punishment to myself.

Do you operate that way? Maybe not so much now, but with people in your life, can you kind of get rigid like that and have higher expectations and high standards? That may be secret with people in your life? I know you're in a relationship. Does that kind of come into play when you're in that zone where you kind of project even that onto other people or people you work with?

Yeah, and I've had current and past relationships tell me that, like, my expectations, you know, like. And even things that I don't vocalize to them, things that they just feel innately are so unattainable to them that it's like they can't meet what I need. And I don't even realize that I'm doing that to them.

Would you say I hear this a lot with your type, that you guys are right 99.999% of the time. Like, honestly, you have the highest standards, the highest integrity, high level of excellence in everything you do. A lot of times, because it is so black and white for you, the delivery of that isn't always received very well. Or if you have, you know, another type of person, like, that's why probably you and I, 10 years ago would have put on the boxing gloves and gone at it. Because it would feel like I'm being controlled or like I couldn't live up. So I'm going to show you how freaking strong I am. But if you have, like, I know that you've got some people that work for you, and your. Your guy is at 6, you have an assistant that's a 2, you know, and all of that, if. If your delivery isn't as warm and fuzzy, there can be a lot of hurt feelings. And so sometimes people just won't even try with you or they'll kind of, like, be sneaky with you. Do you ever sense that going on?

All the time. And the sneaky thing just triggered me.

Because I bet it did. I bet it did.

People in the past just, like, wouldn't even, like, friends in college, like, wouldn't tell me the truth about little things because they're, like, why they knew that I was going to come back with, like, exactly what was on my brain. Like, no filter, like, hardcore blunt, whatever. Whatever I'm feeling is coming out of my mouth. And people don't want that. It's too much. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.

And this is what's unfortunate because you guys are. You make us all better. But if the delivery, I've had to learn this too, as an eight, like, I'm very intense. And that intensity kind of can make the delivery of whatever I have to say not always well received. And it's kind of pointless if people can't receive what's in our wisdom and in our heart. It sucks. And so for you, learning how to deliver your righteousness because you are right, I will never question when a one is like, no, this is the way it is. As long as it's not morality or things like that or values. Because that can be, you know, like you said, subjective, you know, who knows? But, like, as far as details and like, this is the way this needs to go because of xyz, like, I can see that also with you, when we were talking before we hit record with your boyfriend who's a six next to the ones, they are very, like, attention to detail. Not because they need to be good or right like you do, but because Their whole safety and certainty relies on that. And so when you've got, like, your righteous heart and their security focused kind of thing, I can see where you two would, like, brawl over that.

The six thing nailed him so hard. He was an Eagle Scout, so. He was a Scout, so I'm not kidding you. Before we pack for a trip, he has another bag that he brings on a trip that literally has everything you could ever need. I'm talking like a mini fan. If you get hot in your bed, it's got a little oil diffuser. Like, if we're, you know, staying at a hotel, he brings, like, a little oil diffuser. He brings a special pillow. He brings hangover medicine. He brings, I mean, like, an entire suitcase full of extra chargers and a wire that converts for every wire.

Yeah, Supplies. Endless supplies.

Because he stand the idea of meeting something and it not being there. So, like, the always be prepared motto of the Boy Scouts is, like him to the core.

What would people tell me is the best part about being friends with you?

Probably that they can always count on me or they know that I will always have their back. Because. And I think this is a lot of a Leo in me too. Like, once you're one of my people, I am ride or die. Like, if you are truly one of my people and I know I can trust you, I'll do anything for you. I will take care of you in any situation. I will claw someone to death with my bare hands on your behalf. I just think that that's probably it. They always know that I'll be there for them.

Are you slow to trust?

You know, I don't think I'm slow to trust. I think I kind of like, I have an instinct about everybody as soon as I meet them, you know, and so I am. And that kind of determines, you know, like, if I meet you and I'm like, okay, they seem trustworthy. I kind of give trust freely, depending on what my instinct says. If my instinct already something kind of little flag is waving at me. I'm already kind of like, got you at arm's length and you have to prove your trust to me. But it's all kind of based on my initial instinct. If I feel good about you, you get it first. If something's up, you don't get it. But I will say, once it's broken, it's pretty much game over.

When you talk about the instincts, is there a certain thing that you look for that would deem somebody as trustworthy when you first meet them?

I think it's the way they treat people and how they. Again, like, if they come through on their word, even the way I hear them talk about other people, talk about their. Their life and their commitments and things like that, I kind of immediately size them up of, like, if they have integrity or not. Integrity is, like, the word I always go back to.

What would your people say is the hardest part about being friends with you?

Probably that, like, you were saying about, like, the delivery of the message. Like, I tell them what they don't want to hear, even when it hurts. Like, I tell them, and I don't do it to hurt them. I do it because I'm like, man, I would want somebody to, like, to open my eyes to this. If I'm seeing this so clearly in one of my friends, I just want to protect them. And so I'm like, don't you see what's happening? This guy is a loser. You need to dump him. Now he's saying this. He's lying. Like, you get the real, real out of me. But, like, it might hurt.

Would you say that you do that in a way because you want them to be better, or do you do it to show them how strong you are?

I think, like, the core. My first reaction when you ask that is, like, I want to protect them because I see what. I guess I've been in that situation where I've been blinded because I was on the inside of a, you know, a relationship or a situation or something like that. And I think I just do it out of, like, this need to protect them so that they can see the reality. I don't know. I guess if I couldn't see the reality in a situation, I always look at things of, like, what would I want someone to do for me in return? And I couldn't see the reality of the situation. I would want someone to slap me across the face and be like, what are you doing? This is not, you know, like, somebody bring it to light for me.

Are you somebody that has a lot.

Of friends, or are we talking, like, like, super tight best friends, or, like.

Well, let's talk about your super tight best friends. Do they get to see the real you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They get to see, like, sad Whitney, like, lost Whitney, confused Whitney, silly Whitney. I think they get, like, 100% me.

Yeah. If you were to leave the world tomorrow and I was sitting around with the people that love you the most, what would you hope they would tell me that they learned most from you?

They learned from me. Oh, my.

Or loved most about you or Both.

I think that they would probably. What they loved most about me is like, I would say, like the fun we had together, to be honest, like how fearless I am about things, you know, like going for stuff or like putting yourself out there. I think hopefully they would take away like confidence. Even though I'm not always confident on the inside, I think for the most part people see me as a very, very confident person and hopefully like they can draw inspiration from that, you know.

Well, definitely you inspire the crap out of me. Like, I know when I'm in your presence that the level of standards goes way up. And that is really, really great. And because of the work you constantly do on yourself, it is well received, I will say that. And I gotta say, out of all the types on the Enneagram, the one I struggle with most is the Enneagram one. Because we are a lot alike in some ways and just different enough. And you know, I think I told you on the assessment, your top three were eight. Three and one. The top score on this assessment came back an eight. But I was like, no, she's still a one. Yeah, but they're all real close. And with women, I see that all the time, you know, in the workplace and in. As an entrepreneur you will assert yourself. But a one like one women don't mess around like especially in the entrepreneurial land. And you know, integrity, you know, Enneagram ones value principles and integrity and they're driven by the motivational need to be good and right. And that's you like the eight. Integrity is important, but it's in order to like be autonomous and like protect at all costs. Like you're a lot more friendly than I am. Genuinely, you really, really are. And, and that free spirited, fun loving like a one when they are healthy, really do that. And so you are like you embody the healthy Enneagram one, which is beautiful because you also know the dark side when you're down that like shame spiral or like the rigidity is like so intense and the inner critic has a megaphone screaming at you.

They're called the strict perfectionist for a reason. Right? And you know, you're driven by, you're driven by a motivational need of independence and autonomy and truth and justice, just like me. So that's why we're a lot alike. But if people aren't in line, that criticism comes out where I'll just cut a bitch. You'll like just annihilate them verbally. I'll actually kill them.

I have learned like control the verbal annihilation which has been well received. And working as a leader of my agency, I have noticed that my team dynamics over the years because I've been doing this, let's see, since 2013. So my team dynamics have gotten a lot better. And it's because I have learned to turn the fire hydrant down a little bit. Not everybody can receive feedback, whether it's criticism or positive. Like, I can't be so incredibly direct all the time.

Yeah, me too. Like, this is where ones and eights can be very much alike. And that intensity that we bring, it's like we like, kind of know your audience is really, really important. It doesn't mean we're not right. But if they can't hear the messaging, then it kind of defeats the purpose. So that will be your sweet spot in bringing the team and up. Leveling them is. Okay, who am I talking to? How do I deliver this in a way that they can receive it and also, like, catch the vision of the team here. Ones appreciate standards, principles and structure. Like, you've talked about that. And at your best, you're tolerant, self accepting and serene. You offer dignity and discernment to yourselves in the world around you. It's when you kind of go off the rails that the judgment. I call you guys Judge Judy. I also call you guys the sheriff and the warden because, like, nobody not on your watch is shit going sideways ever.

But you know, it makes me kind of sad sometimes. People, I always get people are like, I was so intimidated by you and that I can't stand that. I'm just like, why?

See, I loved that. Like, back in the day, like, that was like giving me a crack pipe. If you said I was intimidating, I was like, yes, mission accomplished. Like, you know, that's the difference between an eight and a one. Like, we, we want to show the world how strong we are. But that warden Whitney, really like, you think about a warden like you fucking around on their watch ever. And so people will play small, which sucks because then you feel like you have to carry the weight of everybody and then resentment will kick in and then you know, that dragon Leo one in you will come out. And that being said, when A1 is under extreme stress and the inner critic doesn't work so well, you will take on the Enneagram 4, which looks very much like a Leo, quite honestly. It's very emotional, dramatic outside the lines which you normally really stay inside the lines where all of a sudden it's like you're a loose cannon and very like, holy shit, like, what Just happened here. That being said, I love hearing this from ones. It makes my heart so happy when I hear a one talk about having fun and letting their hair down and, like, not being so tightly wound. Because you guys, you really do torture yourself sometimes in that if it's not perfect, then I suck at life. Or if it's not, you know, super structured, then I am terrible, and, oh, my gosh, I'm failing. And so when I hear about an Enneagram one, really having some fun and that visionary spirit, because you guys do take on the healthy Seven, which, you know, you were. We were talking about our mutual friend Keisha. Like, she is the healthy version. Like.

Right? Like, she is the queen be seven, the visionary, innovative. Kind of like, anything's possible. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. And for an Enneagram one, it's like, well, wait a second. Like, I need a little structure here to feel okay. So when A1 can still have those high standards, high integrity, high attention to detail, but with a visionary spirit of the Seven, like, that's when you hit the grand slam for enneagram1. And I see you doing that, like, seriously. And, you know, breaking outside of that, the last thing I want to talk to you about is using your wings. So as an Enneagram one, you are, like, driven by principles, integrity and structure, right? And although, like, that is very effective in a lot of things, it's not always the best tool for the job, right? Especially when you got people involved, right? Like, your interpersonal stuff. Like, if people aren't in line with what you say, like, shit doesn't always work, right? And so just like with any project or anything, having the right tool for the job makes it a lot easier. And I like to say, like, your main type, although it doesn't change the expression of it can. And sometimes we need, like, supporting roles in order to make us better. Any of my favorite movies with the main actor, my favorite characters in those movies are always the supporting cast. And our wings for each Enneagram type is like, the supporting cast. So when the one in you is like, hell, no.

This is bullshit.

It's wrong. It's wrong. You know? And, like, not everybody's people are gonna be like, okay, Whitney, we're gonna be sneaky and kind of avoid the wrath of Warden. Whitney, right? So really learning how to use the two wing on that one side, which is the helper, the compassion, the empathetic, the connector, the one that values the relationship. So, like, the two Enneagram Two is more in feelings, which you and I really don't really have a lot of time for feelings sometimes when we got things to do. But, you know, when we're dealing with PR and people.

It'S not always so.

Black and white in pr. And I've had to, like, learn that I have to make time for feelings. You do feelings, actually, like, I think, like, that doesn't get me anywhere. I need to make progress. I've got a list of things to do. But, like, feelings play a big role.

In, you know, feelings. Feelings will also build credibility and trust with your employees, your business partners, your clients. And I've had, like, the 2 is my growth number. So where the 7 is yours, the 2 is mine. I don't naturally go to a 2 ever at all. Like, ever.

So.

So in order for me to be in that, I have to use my wings, too. So for you to get into that seven and be like, okay, it's not so rigid. You need the two. Like, okay, I have relationships here. I have a boyfriend. I have people that I love. I have friendships. Okay, like, how can I kind of loosen up a little bit and. And be more about, like, the people? Right? And so that's your 2 Wing, for sure. That is kind of dropping into the emotional part of you that isn't off the rails. Like the four. The four off the rails is like when the inner critic has left the building and we're white knuckling it. That's a different kind of emotion. The two is more like, okay, how can we build stronger connection and stronger relationships, which will build credibility and trust. Now, the one can get too much, or. I'm sorry, the two can get too much in the feelings. And for the one, they're like, yeah, no, that's. It's going to slow us down. This is going to get messy. I don't like messy. Right. So kind of just left with that two wing. It isn't always super effective, but on the other side of you is the nine wing. And you and I share this. And I see you in your nine wing a lot. It's the peacemaker. There's a big difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking. Right? And since I know you went to church twice on Sundays, if we were to give Jesus an enneagram type, it was definitely a nine.

And it's true. Like, I've learned how to use the beautiful wise Yoda, like, Jesus, like, qualities of the nine. And that is always before I open my freaking mouth, I run it through my nine wing. Like, okay, what would Be for the greatest good, but also empower people, not enable them like a peacemaker can. But what will empower them? How can they receive it? How can people feel not judged? How can I empower them? I will challenge directly, but I will also. They will know I care deeply. And that is the gift of. For an 8 and a 1, which are very intense, especially 8 and 1 women. If we don't really use that beautiful, elegant 9 wing for letting people know we care deeply. Because otherwise we're in that masculine energy, which is. We got plenty of that.

That's where I live 90% of the time.

Yeah, but it's not the most effective. And you'll burn out your body. I know you're only 35, but when you get to be my age, that won't work so so much anymore. So using that nine wing as your last line of defense before you open your mouth with people, it's where people will feel most protected, included, empowered by you. But the one is always driving this whole boat. Like the one's, like doing it all but you. Sometimes we need. I need that nine wing more often, especially as a parent too. Oh, my God.

I see you like as a nine. I see the nine in you so much through, like mastermind stuff.

That one took a lot of work. Like as a kid, I used the nine in an unhealthy way. And I'm sure you did too with your dad. With my dad, I would go into the unhealthy nine. Like, I just want to keep the peace. I want to avoid conflict with the wrath of my father. And so I could kind of be the Chameleon 9. Not in a healthy 9. That Yoda Wisdom 9. I could see you probably did a little bit of that as a kid because it's, you know.

Yeah, you're in there, you're living in their world. So you're just trying to get by. Do you think that, like our parents types determine our types in some way?

I don't think it determines our type, but definitely the expression of it. For sure. Like, I was raised by an 8 father. Sounds like you were raised by a 1 father. I am wired like that. I'm wired like an 8, but I think it was amplified because of the relationship I had with my father. For sure. Like, for sure. I can see, like you put me out on the playground and it was all hardcore 8 energy, but in my home it was 9 wing, unhealthy 9 wing. You know how I like to explain. It's kind of like your Leo, like Your Leo sign doesn't ever change, but the expression of it can. Based on the city you were born, the time of day you were born, your moon sign, your rising sign. That can also affect how your leoness, your lioness Leo gets portrayed to the world. And same thing with our Enneagram type, although it doesn't change, you know, the environment we were put in, the parents we had, the birth order, the school systems, the experiences we have that can alter how that gets expressed. But you absolutely, you know, when we kind of reverse engineer who you are, it always comes down to principles and integrity for everything that you do.

Absolutely. I feel like that in like personal life and in professional life, like when somebody, you know, whether we finish a project for them or whatever, like I always want them to feel like, you know, I always did the right thing, you know, maybe it wasn't the easiest thing to do or whatever, but whatever was right for their business. You know, I was always looking out for their best interest.

And the other thing about how our type gets expressed are the subtypes. And we'll touch on this really quickly because you like me. The goal, like we use all of them, self preservation, the one on one interpersonal and then the social, which is like the collective right. The goal is to be able to toggle between all three of those. And you know, you kind of rank like I do. I'm almost exactly even across the board. Earlier in my life I was definitely probably hardcore self preservation, like put me behind, you know, the confines of a protective wall and that's where I'll stay. So as a one that self preservation, I can see that probably you in work, in your work life, your financial life, probably where this is where like the true perfectionist comes out, especially with PR and the bad rap that PR can get, that self preservation has the strongest inner critic and super hard on themselves, the highest sense of responsibility. I see that in you, but I also see that social one that brings attention to what is good. Right. And appropriate. And you set a high example of integrity and principled conduct. So it's like you do kind of go into that responsibility, that over responsibility mode. But you also, because you have high self control and high standards, it sets you apart. And that is what I felt like when I met you. I was like, oh, this is a baller in the most beautiful way. It's probably why I was like, holy shit, who is this chick? And I like her, you guys, you just make everybody better. And when I get unhealthy, that feels very controlling to me. Right. Even though it is for the greatest good. It's why like an 8 in you can kind of go head to head a little bit because you are so in integrity all the time. And even though we value that, like if you're gonna call us on it, we're gonna brawl with you.

So does that make this make sense? Does this make sense?

It hits the nail on the head and like, like you were saying, like I love, you know a lot of people say like oh, type A women don't you know like you put too many of those type A women together and like they'll burn. Like no, those are my best friends. Those are my favorite people. Like other super strong will like other so many female friends that are Leos. I don't know about all the enneagram types but like those are my favorite women.

Well because you've gotten to a healthy state also and the type A women are fantastic. Where it can go sideways and where we do get a bad rap is if we are just like powering through people and not letting people into the softness. And that's why that 2 wing for you will be super valuable. That's why my 7 Wing is super valuable too. Like I have that 7 Wing, that free spirited, light hearted to kind of take the edge off. But like you put us in a ring, oh, that type aness is going to come out and we'll kill you.

But if we love you, guess what, it's good news for you.

Ride or die. That's what I always say if you're one of my people. Ride or die.

So we were talking about when we were starting, before I hit record about a podcast that you're going to be starting and especially around breaking the stigma. Speaking real truth about the world of PR and what that looks like. So where can people learn more about what's coming for you? I know that you've got some big things coming around. Social media, communications, pr, things like that. Where can people find you?

Absolutely the best way is to find me on LinkedIn. It's WhitneyLee O E E or Instagram. Honestly I live a lot on Instagram so my username there is the Whitneylee. So T H e Whitney Lee. But yeah, stay tuned. I've got some exciting stuff happening in 2022 for all of my other communications, PR, social media people out there and hopefully a podcast kicking off in January.

Oh my God, I can't wait to hear it. It's to be so good because you're just, I, I just love straight shooters and you are and, and the name that you've got for your podcast is so epic. It's so great. You know, you guys, I know you're listening right now. And this is a true testament to why the online assessments aren't accurate. I knew I was right when I met you, and when this one came up, I'm like, oh, shit, maybe I was wrong. I'm not wrong. And you know, 65 to 70% of the time, those online assessments are inaccurate. And if you, if you are using the Enneagram as the beautiful tool that it is, having the right information is key. And so you can book a session with me to do a live typing session like we just did. Here we go a little bit more in depth and personal on the typing sessions. You get 90 minutes with me and we go into all the things and I. I show you how to use all the things like your wings and your growth number and your stress number and things like that. You can do that@tracyomalley.com the work with me section. If you love this episode or if you know or love or lead an enneagram1, we want to, you know, share this episode with them. They can really be hard on themselves. And to hear you know that this beautiful woman has learned how to use all the epic parts of her oneness and navigate some of the harder parts of being a one and step into the ultimate leader in her life. We definitely want you to share this with other people. Whitney. I love you, girl.

Love you too, sister. Thank you so much for having me today.

It's my pleasure. Until next time, you guys.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast.

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