EP189: The Anatomy of Your Enneagram Type: The Enneagram SIX—Keeping Us All Safe (and In Line) with the Loyal Skeptic

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships, to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula. And we are continuing our series on the anatomy of your Enneagram type. And today's episode is all about the Enneagram six, the loyal skeptic. And this is one of my favorite ones. My best friend is an enneagram 6. She's probably the most 6 est 6 that I've ever met. She's also a Virgo, so there. There's that. But for so many of you, if you're new to the Enneagram or new to my podcast, chances are that most of you just have taken an online test or you just know about that type. The thing is, is there's four other types connected to you. And knowing how to elegantly move and use each for tools, it's kind of like doing a project. If you have the right tools for the job, things just go a lot easier, more efficiently, more effectively, less frustrating. And having the knowledge and the wherewithal to pick up the right tools at the right time will make you feel like you're in your zone of genius almost all the time, which allows you to not energetically bankrupt yourself, allows you to communicate more effectively, allows you to use a hell of a lot less words, too. So I love, love, love the framework of the Enneagram. And the six on the Enneagram is, like I said, they're the loyal skeptic. They are the best collaborators on the Enneagram. They are the master troubleshooters. They ask a lot of freaking questions because they are driven by a need for certainty. They need to have certainty that they are not going to be blindsided, that they're prepared, that their safety is in check. And if you aren't sure what your Enneagram type is or you've taken one of those online assessments and it's not maybe not making a lot of sense to you, I want you to know you're not alone. 65 to 70% of all online assessments are inaccurate. And we'll get into that today of one of the number one reasons why that is. You know, artificial intelligence is amazing, and thank God we have the Internet and Google and all sorts of things, but it can't take certain things into consideration that human to human can do. And as somebody who has been a student, teacher integrator of the Enneagram for a decade, I do live typing sessions with people to really help you, not just make sure you're typed properly. Because once you have the right information, the possibilities are endless with this information, but you gotta know how to integrate it, right? So having the right information is key. Knowing the tools in your tool belt based on your Enneagram type will be super helpful. Using tools in your life to. To navigate all the things that come up for you personally and professionally. You can find me on Instagram at tracyomalley. Or if you know this is what you want to do, just go to tracyomalley.com the work with me section. It'll probably be one of the most beautiful, nurturing 90 minutes of your life. You probably might not have ever felt so seen, heard, understood, and that might be scary for some of you. I know that would have been the case for me 10 years ago. But it was only when I allowed myself to be fully seen, heard and understood that the shift really happened. So I say that to you because as you go and listen to these episodes or all the other almost 200 episodes that I have recorded over the last two years, you know when you are learning not just about your core type, but the other types as well, that is when you really have the ability to lead anyone effectively. So today we're talking about the loyal skeptic Enneagram. Sixes value security and belonging. This stems from the motivational need to be safe and prepared. Like I said, they need. They. They're driven by a need for certainty. And as a result, loyalty and trust are important to Sixes who strive to be responsible and prepared at all times. That's why they're great collaborators, because they want to make sure the rest of us are doing what we're supposed to be doing. It's why they do ask a lot of questions. At their best, Sixes are super courageous and connected to a sense of inner knowing. They offer the gift of devotion and trust to themselves and the world around them. I gotta say, having a Six best friend is magical. Ten years ago, I would have been a terrible friend to a Six. Because I would have felt disrespected, quite honestly, as an enneagram 8, by all their questioning the way that they, you know, on the sly, control things as an Eight, that probably wouldn't have gone over well. So understanding this information really allows me to not just be an incredible friend to a Six, but also help bring out the best in the Six. When Sixes are less healthy, they have a tendency to worry excessively, fear letting down their defenses, and maybe experiences anxious, suspicious, or doubting. And that is true. They kind of have this underlying self talk that the world is threatening in an unsafe place, that they must be prepared, they must be loyal. They know that people can count on them. Be careful who you trust. They don't want to be afraid, but they're afraid to let their guard down sometimes. So it's kind of like this. Think about the Geminis on the astrology. It's kind of like they're not afraid, but they're afraid. They're not afraid. It's why the name Loyal Skeptic. I mean, it's kind of this contradictory name, but this is truly who they are. The gifts of the Enneagram 6, they have so many, and I've said this before, like the superpowers of each Enneagram type can actually also be your kryptonite, your wrecking ball. They're your superpowers when it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. And the same things that are your superpowers will flip over into your Kryptonite when it's coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, ego, guilt, things like that. Okay, so the gifts of the Enneagram 6, they're devoted. They're committed to what they value. They express duty and care in service of people, responsibilities and causes. They're courageous. They take a stand on behalf of the greatest good. They're prepared, always. Six is love supplies. Let me tell you, they're very trustworthy. Once they make a decision or commitment, they don't waver. And they respect rules and authority as long as they feel like they can trust the source or intention. And they're very, very team oriented. They enjoy the cooperation and collaboration of groups, and they really do thrive in a healthy team environment. Now, when they're not in a good place or they're in fear, that devotion can lead them to being sidewalked. And if they get sidewalked by a person, place or thing that they had thought, they vetted properly. This can send them in a spiral of more doubt. Some Sixes there's like this, this thing called counterphobic and phobic sixes. It's the one type on the Enneagram that really has two different types of sixes within their type. Some sixes, the more counterphobic ones, kind of run into fear and as a way to proving to themselves that they're not afraid, it's kind of a thing. And that's where they can kind of get into trouble. This over preparedness when they're coming from a place of fear can keep them paralyzed. Sometimes, especially if they're fearful of not belonging somewhere, they may over trust, which, you know, if they find themselves in that situation and then they get sidewalked with something that really can have them spiral out and, and be paralyzed even more. The team oriented part, they're great at that. But if they're coming from a place of wanting to control everything, others might experience them as a pain in the butt. But when you are working with or loving or leading a six, knowing that they're going to ask a lot of questions will be really, really important. And having patience and kindness and gentleness, knowing that at their core, they're worried about being blindsided. So that's why knowing the fear of each Enneagram as well will really help you when you start to see these patterns that might trigger you because you're not operating the same way. So like when I said when a Six goes into their incessant fire hosing of questioning, had I not known this information, I would really push a Six back on their heels and let them know who has the real power. Right? So really understanding this will help you help them be their very, very best. All right. So if you're a 6, you have the accessible wings of an Enneagram 5 or an Enneagram 7. So with the 6 being the master troubleshooter, always prepared, sometimes like I said, they can get into that, that squirrel of they need more information. They need more information and this can paralyze them and keep them from taking steps forward.

Ready to get ready. Right. All the time. And so what I'll usually tell a Six to do is, okay, let's use the seven wing for a second and kind of cast the vision, you know, because you can toggle between both wings. Believe it or not, the wings are the unsung heroes and they are the true testament to our growth. Because if we're left to our core types ways, we'll kind of be stagnant in what we know, our patterns, the stereotypes that you see out there online and in memes and Things like, like that. So that six can kind of have just like their head down, focusing on all the details. And that is their gift. But you can see where if they don't cast the vision big enough, they can kind of be stuck in the monotony of details. So with a six having a seven wing, which is the that enthusiast, that visionary, that anything's possible, the no stupid ideas, like no restrictions, it's really beautiful to watch a six kind of lean into that. Even if it's just for a second, they're never going to be motivated. Like a 7, the fears aren't the same as the sevens, but really saying, okay, what's the bigger picture here? What is the end goal? What? Oh my gosh, like, anything's possible. And you can see where a 6 might not typically do that. But with that wing, you have that tool right there. You just got to get used to picking it up, right? It's like using any kind of tool. If you don't know how to use it, you will probably leave it in the drawer or in the garage or in your soul. And so learning as a six how to pick up the seven wing tool will really help you cast a vision. Now you can do that, but the.

Six will go, yeah, but what about this? But what about this? But what about this?

And that's great. Like, this is where the six keeps a lot of us out of trouble, right? But you've already kind of tapped into that seven visionary. Now what I'll usually tell a six is, okay, let's kind of check in with your five wing, which is the, that investigator that the really like the fact checker, the one that can detach emotionally because the six, when they fear safety or not belonging or their certainty is getting rocked. If you haven't seen a six get emotional, it's a lot. It's a lot. And I mean that with so much love and respect. So really tapping into that five wing, it's like, okay, what are the facts though? Not all the worst case scenarios, not all the what ifs, because that's life, right? We don't have control. We really, really don't. We can control how we react to life, but we don't always have control. A6 really loves to believe they have control of everything. So when a six can lean into that healthy five wing, okay, what are the facts? Let's take emotion out of this. The gift of the five is the ability to detach emotionally. And they are experts at whatever they have chosen to learn about, right? So if you, if you ever give a five like something to research, they'll know everything about everything. So as a six needing to be prepared, if you're just going for the facts and the ability to detach emotionally, learning how to navigate that five wing will be super powerful. Now with that information and the vision, the six is still going.

Yeah, but what about this? But what about this? But what about this?

And that's when you can lean back in this into that seven wing. And it's like, lfg, let's freaking go, right? So also using these wings, the five and the seven, if you are an enneagram six, or if you love or lead an enneagram six, their growth number is the nine, which is the adaptive peacemaker, right? The nine is the one that kind of sees the bigger picture of everything. They have a bird's eye view of all the rest of us. They are very inclusive. They see what's the greatest good. They see just like, you know, the don't sweat the small stuff part. And you can see as a six, that's not a natural go to, right. If a six is left to their own ways, they will never get into that mode. And so you can see where using that 5 and 7 can really help you push into that healthy 9. This is also where they, they can operate on instincts because that 9 is in the instinctual center of intellig, where they can see where they can be autonomous, where they actually do have a little bit more self control. Getting a six into this zone is really beautiful to watch because they are so prepared. When they kind of get into that space, people really do feel like they can lead the charge. You know, like I said, they're great team leaders, team collaborators. I love having sixes in my life. Let me tell you. All right, now, when you see a six kind of spinning out and they go into hyperactive mode, this is usually an indicator that they have moved into their stretch or stress number. And for the Enneagram 6, that mimics the unhealthy version of an Enneagram 3. So that need for significance, this blinders on. If you've ever seen a three kind of like, like when it's go time, because they are more of an assertive type. When a 6 is feeling overwhelmed and anxious and fearful, you might see them kind of put their blinders on and be very hyperactive in, you know, point A to point B. They might be over fixated on how they appear to the world. This is sometimes when you see a six kind of showing fake courage to prove to the world that they're okay or that they've got this also kind of operating in that unhealthier three allows them to not be in their head so much. It's like, well, if I just see the goal, hit the goal, see the goal hit the goal, see the goal, hit the goal, and they don't let their heart feel anything. That's how they can kind of disassociate. Now the thing that isn't talked about a lot, even with the stress number, being the three, when you really get skilled at understanding your own personal self awareness as well as you know how to navigate the anatomy of your enneagram type. Just because the 3 is your stretch number or stress number doesn't mean you can't use the healthy version of that as well. That's the beauty in this is a six can. And I've seen this a six can like set a goal, hit a goal. But using that healthy nine and the two wings will allow them to, to use the healthier parts of the three. So as a six, you have access very readily to a five, a seven and nine, and a three. So yeah, you're in your head because the five, six and seven are all part of the thinking center of intelligence, which, which means they, they are very much all about certainty, but they can lean into that instinctual part of them in that healthy nine and also the feeling part of the enneagram three. Now you've heard me talk about mistyping a lot, right? And with the online assessments being inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time, it's like, what causes that other than just like, you know, we answer based on, you know, our behaviors instead of our motives. We answer based on what we want to be or what we think we're headed towards with all our personal development, whatever that looks like for you. But other than trauma, I would say the number one reason most are mistyped has to do with the subtypes of the enneagram. Now, the subtypes are three basic instinctual drives that are essential for human experience. And all three reside in us as necessary body based primal forces. And they're separate from personality. These are what's behind our life strategies. Most of the time they're unconscious, yet they powerfully direct our fundamental way of being. And while these instincts are always there, one of the three becomes dominant and is more easily accessed and therefore more easily used than the others. And when the dominant instinct emerges with the core enneagram, a new character structure is formed. And this is the subtype and if you know math, there's nine basic types. And if there's three subtypes within each type, that actually means there's 27 different types. Now you don't need to learn all of them. However, the subtype, the instinctual, the instincts of the Enneagram really can make and hide what your true core type is. And one of these subtypes within each type of doesn't quite look like your typical stereotypical type. Right? So the subtypes aren't talked about enough. It can have your core type take on a whole different life form. The goal eventually will be able to operate from all three. The self preservation, the one on one, and the Social. Usually two of them. You can kind of bounce between two, especially the healthier you get. And one tends to be more of your blind spot. I am grateful that today I can pretty much operate in all three, but I definitely am more dominant in two of them. So the self preservation six, My best friend is a self preservation six where safety and certainty, although that is like the main thing for six, it's hyperactive. In the self preservation six, the anxiety of the six blends with the self preservation instinct to make fear and insecurity a theme for the cautious subtype. The self preservation one. To feel safe, they build strong alliances and relationships with others. They are sincerely affectionate and warm hearted in their interactions with others. They kind of repress anger and are hesitant to share opinions, preferring to be cautious than risk mistakes. Out of all three of the Sixes, if they get blindsided, this subtype tends to take it super, super personal. Okay, now the one on one six, this is the counter type. This is the one that doesn't typically look like the others. And this six tends to be bold, assertive and even intimidating, which may lead to mistyping. As an 8, I see a lot of eights mistyped. The 8 is the most mistyped on the Enneagram and they're actually a six. My best friend was actually mistyped as an eight. This one on one six is counterphobic, believing that the best defense is a good offense and reacting against typical six fears by running towards any fear or danger. This head on approach may appear rebellious or something of a daredevil. Their need to feel strength and safety makes it difficult to connect their doubts or feelings of vulnerability. It's their way of disassociating. Now the social six, this six subtype connects to social ideals. Working for a cause or standing up for the weak. They tend to be more black and white than the shades of Gray seen by the other two Sixes. And they may seem like an enneagram one a lot of times as they are precise and careful and prefer to follow rules and procedures. They're highly rational and dutiful, and they work to encourage compliance to rules or collective norms. That's a big thing with Ones as well. It's very black and white thinking. And they do this to ensure that everyone knows what is expected of them. So you can hear how all three of these Sixes can appear very different. And it makes sense why a lot of times you might be mistyped. Right? Sixes are very familiar with feelings of anxiety, and they do tend to focus on worst case scenarios in everyday life. And these feelings can sometimes range from unease, concern, mild worry, to panic, dread and terror as an emotionally reactive style, right? So being in the thinking center of intelligence, again, they're motivated by certainty, and their underlying feeling and emotion is fear and anxiety. The Fives kind of internalize it. The Sixes externalize it and the Sevens shut it down. So because they're more emotionally reactive as a 6, they have immediate and easy access to their feelings, but will also replay concerns and anxieties over time. Even though they are pleased when things go well, they really don't dwell on the positive emotions too much. In fact, if it gets too quiet, their spidey senses go up and they. They start to get worried that they're missing something. Right? Since Sixes tend to project their feelings onto others without necessarily testing them, it's an unconscious behavioral pattern. Their fear, their worry. So in a bid to manage anxiety, the Sixes tend to project their own feelings, thoughts, hopes and fears onto others, thereby negating their impact. Right? They often resist and challenge people because of their own doubts. I will tell you this. If you love or lead A6, know that they will have a lot of questions. And there are times it can feel like they don't trust you or.

That they're trying to control you. I promise you that is not the case. They are just kind of white knuckling their own fears. And if you are a Six, I want you to be gentle with yourself because you can feel like a bit much or you don't care, right? And you won't have the support that you really, really want. Because sometimes people can be like, this is a bit much. So if you're a 6, I highly recommend you letting people know, like, listen, I'm going to have a lot of questions. I promise you, once I hear the answers, I can be fully on board. And once I'M fully on board, you won't have a better teammate. Right? And knowing that kind of up front and letting people know that up front, once I kind of understood this, you know, when my best friend kind of goes on the fire hosing of, you know, talking everything out, I'm like, take as long as you need. I'm here for it and I will listen and I won't interrupt and just have at it. What that does for a six, it immediately lets them know that you're in this with them and you're going to notice their need for as many questions really does reduce and this is how we get the best out of every enneagram6. And my sixes out there. This is how you stay unstuck. We know you're in your head all the time. Lean into those that might be a little bit different than you that definitely do have your back. When you tell a six you have their back, you better freaking mean it and you better be honoring your word to them. Because once you're dead, do a six. Let me tell you, you're dead. I would love to hear from my fellow Sixes out there or if you love or lead A6, please share this with them. Tell me what you learned about the enneagram 6, whether you are 1 or lead 1. And if you still aren't sure what your Enneagram type is or you think you know it but you don't know what to do with it, you can go to traceeomally.com you can book a session with me and we can go into the anatomy of your Enneagram type and make sure that you have zoned in so that you can use this beautiful, powerful, effective, compassionate tool to become the ultimate leader in your life.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.