EP193: The Anatomy of Your Enneagram Type: The Enneagram NINE—Bringing Out the Yoda Wisdom and Divine Heart to Make an Impact

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships, to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

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Well, hello and welcome back to the Leadership Formula Podcast. And we are finishing out this series entitled the Anatomy of youf Enneagram Type. And we are finalizing this with the Enneagram 9, sometimes known as the Adaptive Peacemaker. They are the kings and queens of the Enneagram. And if you look at the diagram of the Enneagram, the big circle, they sit at the very top. And I say this a lot, you know that 9 has the ability to kind of see a different view of all the other eight types in a way that the rest of us can't. I've also said that, you know, the divine power, God, whatever you want to call it, I believe it's God. Jesus, I believe is an enneagram9. You know, that Peacemaker is definitely, you know, sometimes that peacemaking gets a bad rap. There's a big difference, though, in peacemaking and peacekeeping, I will say that. But the adaptive peacemaker, the Enneagram 9, falls into that body triad with the 8 and the 1. So the basic motivation is independence, autonomy, justice, truth. But it looks very, very different than the eight and the one, which happen to be the wings of the nine. And I'll get into that in a second. The nine looks very, very different because that underlying emotion is anger. But you wouldn't think with a name like Peacemaker that there would really be anger there. But sometimes, and I have said this before, that of all the types, when the 9 is not in a good place, they're the hardest to pull out. They really, really are, because so much of their motive is based on a need to be settled and in harmony with the world, that if they aren't in a great place, they have spent a long, long time kind of suppressing their own desires, their own needs, their own wishes, and they start to not even know who they are, and they kind of become numb to it. So you can Imagine it's really, really hard for them to get out of that sometimes. And when you're loving or leading one, it can be very, very frustrating and unintentionally can feel very abandoning. So if you are a Nine, this episode is really, really important for you. So because you have this need to be settled in, in harmony with the world, being accommodating and accepting is important to them. The nine strives for a peaceful existence, appreciates stability, preferring to avoid conflict. The biggest fear for an enneagram 9 is conflict. And so understand if they're looking for harmony at all times and peace, conflict, I mean there's no way to avoid it. And in fact healthy conflict is actually where we grow. So if they're kind of avoiding things to resist that conflict, they don't grow at a pace that the rest of us can sometimes. At their best, a 9 is experienced as self aware and vibrant because you can imagine if they have this bird's eye view of what everybody else and what the world looks like and you think about like the divine and Jesus and kind of has, has this big picture view, you can see that they have an awareness. But in their need to avoid conflict, they shut that down and shut that down. When they're great, they offer the gift of right, sustainable action to themselves in the world around you. I said like the healthiest nine should have a bumper sticker that says I care deeply but I will challenge directly. They embody that. At their best, the Nines have this ability to be a voice of in a way that you don't ever feel judged or unincluded. They make you feel safe when they use their voice. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing watching an enneagram 9 step into that. Now that being said, you know, Nines can sometimes be mistyped as twos. The 2 and 9 happens a lot. This is, I would say the 9 probably has the biggest difference when it comes to the subtypes that instinctual response to life. And I'll get into what the subtypes of the Nine look like. We have that self preservation, the one on one and the social nine. That self preservation nine is really, really hard. Sometimes when they are in a dark, dark place, they can be very stonewalling, you know, because that self preservation part, that instinct is to going to physical safety, wellbeing, material security. The one on one focuses on intensity of experiences and one on one relationships. And that social nine which is the one I see most in entrepreneurship, that instinct focuses energy on working towards shared purpose or the greater Good. So you can see the difference. Like if you have a Self Preservation 9, they will completely turn inward. And I'll get into that in a second. The gifts of a nine are that they're agreeable, understanding, patient, supportive, genuine, and they are easy to get along with. And others experience them as open, receptive and peaceful. Nines are able to listen to differences and understand multiple perspectives with an open mind and a great skill in finding commonalities across differences. It's why they're very much like that. Peacemaker, right? They do things in a calm, sustainable way, trusting the natural rhythm of projects and processes. They make others feel completely accepted, heard and understood. In the presence of them, they are a safe place. And nines have this beautiful ability. Especially if you are somebody that has experienced a lot of trauma or uncertainty, you can kind of count on a nine to be the steady. And I'll get into the dark side of what that can look like. They accept people for who they are and see their full potential. They really don't judge what you see is what you get with a nine. And they are unpretentious and you don't feel like you have to put on a show with them, which is great. Now, I've said this with the other eight types. Your gifts and your superpowers can also be the wrecking ball and kryptonite in your life when you are not in a good place. When you're coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, or ego. And a 9 can get a big ego, but it's very passive. Like the 8 has a huge ego, but, and you know it, the nine has a huge ego, but it's very passive and sometimes passive aggressive. So this agreeable, understanding, patient, supportive, genuine, can I end up biting them in the ass? Because what happens is they'll do those things, but part of them feels like they're always taking one for the team, right? And when they're always taking one from the team, even if they're not really aware that they're suppressing their own desires and their own needs, resentment builds. And that's where they'll become a little more stubborn or stonewalling or passive aggressive, it's almost like, you know what? I've been taking one for the team for so damn long. I'm going to kind of do things and have control and independence and autonomy on my terms in a way that doesn't look like, like an 8 or a 1 might in that same kind of, you know, area. So that 9 that, that tendency to, you Know, want to avoid conflict. That's always going to have to be something. If you're a nine or love or lead a nine that you're going to be aware of, they will avoid it and left to their own nine ways that really can get in the way of them using their wisdom. I call them Yoda all the time because they do have this beautiful encompassing vision and, and perspective that the rest of us don't have. But in their, their kind of suppressing that, you know, and left to their own ways, we don't get to experience their gifts and their, their joy and their wisdom. And so that the wings of the nine really, really help them become that care, deeply challenged, directly kind of leader, partner, person, right on one side of the nine. You know, when the nine is kind of going into like, I'm going to avoid conflict, I'd rather not say anything, the hell with this, right? The one wing is that reformer, the sheriff in town. The one will straight shoot it. There's no gray area where the 9 can see things in such a gray area in a beautiful way that can also keep them from taking action, moving forward, hitting goals. That's where they kind of become more Eeyore, like so really using that one wing to like get the fact checking, like what's right, what's wrong, what's good, what's bad, you know, because that one is no gray area. It's very black and white thinking which can help that nine make a decision. You know, the nine sometimes won't even offer up their opinion. The typical kind of stereotype is like, if you ask a 9 what they want to do or what they want for dinner, what they believe, they'll usually be like, I don't care, whatever you want. If you love or lead a nine. And they'll usually be with somebody who likes to take charge, right? So if you love or lead a nine, make sure you ask them their opinion and you take it from time to time because they've conditioned themselves so often to not use that. But that's where this one wing will really help a nine. It's like, okay, what are the facts here? What's true? Now even if they figure out what's right, what's wrong, what's true, the 9 tendency will be like, yeah, but I'd rather just kind of keep the piece here, right? Or it's not that big a deal. It's how they justify keeping, you know, in air quotes, harmony, right? But then they build the resentment because they know that, like, shit, I actually do want to move forward. So this is where the eight wing will come into play because the nine and the one, the one will call it like it, they see it, but they won't necessarily take the action on it. Right? The nine really wants to keep the harmony. So once you've kind of fact checked with the one wing and it's like, all right, this is wrong, but I really don't want to take action. That's. This is the beauty of having an eight wing, A nine with a strong wing set of one and eight really become that care, deeply challenged, directly kind of leader, partner, parent, whatever. So once, once they've checked in with the one wing is like, yeah, this is, this is bullshit. We got to do something. But neither the 1 or the 9 want to do something. That's when you get that Challenger 8 wing that says, let's freaking go. No, this is bullshit. I can handle if people kind of object. The 8 really doesn't care about keeping the peace in the harmony. They are all about justice and doing what's what's right and using that power in, you know, a healthy way. Usually when they're, when they're in a good spot. So that nine using the healthy parts of the eight and the one will really, really help them become that Yoda like wise one. Right? And the growth number for the nine is the enneagram three. This also using their, their wings of the one and the eight will allow them to become more like an achiever, but with that wisdom of the nine. This is the beautiful parts when an, when a nine uses the full anatomy of their type. And I think out of all nine types, the nine must use all their components more than anybody to be that beautiful, well rounded Yoda leader. Because if a 9's left to their own ways, they will never take on that achiever. They don't want to be the center of intention because that can create disharmony, right? But they do have goals and they do have so many gifts that the rest of us can really use. And so it will take the use of very strong wings in order to push them into that achiever like role. The 9 doesn't really like to be the one making the goals. They prefer actually to be more of a supportive role. But with their wisdom and their gifts, we really do need them to step into leadership and to move towards that healthy three with the heart of the nine. Now the stress number when they're stuffing down their feelings and shutting it down and not taking care of themselves and just like kind of schlepping through life doesn't work anymore. And you know, especially if they're in a relationship or part of a team, when the pressure people start to get like, what the hell? Don't you have an opinion? I need you to step up. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This passive aggressive behavior, it's not working. The stubbornness, the procrastination, it's not working. When they feel the pressure coming on, you know, because they're driven by, you know, the same motive is an 8 and a 1 in the. In the fact that they want independence and autonomy. So when they start to feel like people are pressuring them, all of a sudden they take on that frantic, unhealthy part of the six, the loyal skeptic. The need to know all the things and they can start to spin. And this is where you will see them kind of snap back and get a little more interrogating and kind of try and shake things up a little bit, right? This is a defense mechanism for them. And so if you ever see a nine start to look a little frantic, they have been pushed to the brink, okay? Really, really important to understand that now. This is where the subtypes really come into play. And like I said, out of all the Enneagram types, I think there is the biggest difference in the subtypes of the Enneagram 9 and the subtypes. The instinctual response to life is next to trauma. I believe the number one reason why so many of you are mistyped. And if you're not sure where you fall or you really want to use this tool as the beautiful thing that it is. I do live typing sessions. It is the most powerful, beautiful, seen, heard and understood you'll ever feel in a span of 90 minutes. You can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to see about that. Or you can just hit me up on Instagram Tracy Underscore, Malley, and I can send you the link there. But these instinctual drives that are essential for human experience, we use all three of them, right? They all reside in us. They're primal forces that we use. They're a little separate from personality and they really can change how our basic personality gets expressed. So if you do the Math, there's actually 27 types on the Enneagram. If we're taking the subtypes into consideration, while these instincts are always there, one of the three becomes dominant and is more easily accessed. And a lot of this has to do with the environment. This is where nature and nurture come into play, right? We have Our own general nature and then the environment we put in. This is where the instinct kind of takes over and where the expression of our core type of who we were always designed to be can take on a new kind of form, at least in how we look to the world. And then there's usually one that is kind of our blind spot. But the goal is to be able to elegantly kind of flow between self preservation, the one on one, and the social. Now, the self preservation 9 can be the most 8ish 9. It doesn't mean that they're aggressive necessarily like an 8, but this subtype is concerned with meeting physical needs, focused on activities such as eating, reading, or sleeping for their comfort and well being. The Self Preservation 9 is the one that can snap on a dime. And that's where they can be very 8ish and stubborn and explosive. Out of all the nines, I would say the self preservation, you'll very rarely see it, but when you do, it'll be a little scary. Okay? These activities are typically a strategy to escape or comfort themselves through fulfilling their appetites. Peace and time alone are very important to them. The self preservation 9. And they may be irritable and stubborn when others upset their balance or create problems. I would say out of all the enneagram types and all the subtypes, the self preservation nine, when they're not in a healthy place, is probably the hardest to get to move the needle. It is so ingrained and shut down and conditioned. But they can also make us feel the most safe because they are always concerned with that. It's why there's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful side to them as well. Now, the 1 on 1 9, this subtype fuses deeply with significant others in relationships as a strategy to feed their sense of self and their sense of comfort. So this one is probably more about the relationship, and this one can probably fall more into codependency tendencies or end up with, you know, maybe a more narcissist type or, you know, a stronger personality. Right. They tend to feel more secure when partnered with others and may find it challenging to be on their own where the self preservation would much prefer to be on their own for the most part. Okay. They are resistant to paying attention to themselves, their passions and desires, and tend to go along with preferences of others, even if this means sacrificing their own plans and needs. I would say out of all the memes and stereotypes around nine, this is the one that they're talking about. Now. The Social 9 is the one that doesn't look like the others. You know, all the memes and all the funny things we joke about. Each of the Enneagram types. The social nine doesn't look like your typical nine. And this is why a lot of people are mistyped as a three, but they're actually nine or even a six and they're a nine. I see that happen a lot. The social nine is the one that kind of doesn't look like the others. And this friendly nine counter type leans in and participates fully where the other two nines will. They'd rather kind of be like along the side of a room or, or a support role. The Social 9 often takes the role of mediator or facilitator in groups. One of my really good friends, I've done an episode with her before.

She started a movement called the Powerhouse Women. Lindsay Schwartz, check her out, she's amazing. She's a social nine for sure. And she was mistyped as a three originally. They put their own issues aside, maintain a happy front to avoid burdening others. They also can make sacrifices to meet groups needs. The Social 9 takes comfort from feeling part of things in a broader group or community. They bring people together, always working hard to keep the people in their life happy. They can run the risk of becoming a workaholic, hiding their pain or stress. This is why a lot of them are mistyped as sixes or threes. But I think like the Social 9 is the ones that we tend to see in leadership. And I believe Jesus was absolutely a social nine on the Enneagram. Now here are some blind spots for the nine. So if you love or lead one, this is really important for you to see and understand so that you can help them when things kind of go sideways a little bit. All right. Nines avoid being controlled by others in a counterintuitive way by being passive, non assertive and unmoved. They really don't. They will cut off caring about things so that they don't get controlled. Like usually if they'll end a relationship, they. You won't hear from them again. They have. They really, really have gotten to a point where they don't want to care about much because then they'd be controlled by it. All right? So this pattern of indirect behavior can impact their communication and relationships and it can make people feel really abandoned. Nines want to avoid being controversial despite disliking it. When people pressure them into something, they also have difficulty saying no to people so they can over promise and under deliver. And then the cycle continues. While nines will go out of their way to accommodate others and downplay their own needs. They set themselves up to be overlooked and then they. They dislike being ignored. So you can see where this can cause a lot of resentment and then that explosive or passive aggressive anger can come into play. Many enneagram nines are unaware of their own passive aggressive behavior and how they really do kind of get surprised at how they're called on this from time to time. Especially if a 9 is being led or in a relationship with somebody who's done a lot of work and can kind of see these behaviors, it's like, oh, okay, I didn't know that. And that's where they can kind of get defensive in pursuing their needs to ensure that everyone is being heard. I see this happen a lot with nines. They can often present multiple viewpoints in conversations with others. So especially if they're part of like a team or a group, it's almost like they can over talk things. You can feel like they're talking in circles. So when you have like an 8 or a 6 who is very like skeptical anyway, and they feel like they're being talked in circles, this is where the spidey senses come up and the red flags go up for those types. And it's like, wait a second, wait a second. But what's happening for a nine is they're like really scanning to make sure. Like they're watching body language and the looks on people's faces and know like, okay, I kept that one happy. I kept that one happy. I kept that one happy. So what happens is this can lead to long, drawn out, lengthy explanations that either cause people to lose interest and then they just move on. Or like I said, for certain types, this can really negatively affect the degree of influence and credibility with other people because it sounds like double talk sometimes. And finally, in being diplomatic and accommodating, Nines may fail to make their true needs, desires, and feelings known to people around them. This is huge. If you love or lead a 9 or you are a 9, this is probably the one that whenever I tell somebody about this, like, wow, okay. They really don't make their desires, needs, and feelings known to those around them. But A9 may feel that they are doing so very clearly, but due to their approach and their passive kind of way of doing that, or they're running things through their head all the time to try and like have that harmony everywhere, that either other may miss what they really want and need, or they actually believe that they've articulated them, they've articulated it in their head, but they haven't shared them verbally or as openly and frequently as they may think. So being very clear with a nine, really, it's. It's easy for you to not push an issue with a 9 because they are so easygoing. But then you're enabling this behavior and then nobody wins. Nobody wins. They end up feeling ignored. Then resentment kicks in, then procrastination and passive aggressive behavior happens. And if you love or lead them, although they are easygoing, you're going to get frustrated with them because it's like you want to shake them sometimes, right? So I get that. I get that. But the Nines really make the world a hell of a lot better. They make us all feel seen, heard and understood. But if you are a 9, we want to see, hear and understand you too. And knowing that a little bit of healthy conflict will allow you to step into your gifts and really create the true harmony, not the temporary short game harmony. But we're here to play the long game and we need long term growth and harmony. And so by using your voice and your wisdom and your opinions and your heart, you make us all better people. So I loved this series. I would love to hear what you got out of the series. The initial anatomy of your Enneagram type. It is way more than just your enneagram type. It is way more than an online assessment. Those are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. So I would be honored to take you on this journey so that you can have the right information. And even though you have the information that doesn't equal transformation. I am the master at helping you integrate all this beautiful stuff into your life so that you can become that ultimate leader in your homes and in your businesses and in your Life. Go to traciomalley.com the work with me section. I would be honored to walk alongside you in that. If you loved this episode or you know somebody that really, you believe would benefit from hearing about, you know, this leadership and the Enneagram take on things. It would mean the world to me if you shared this podcast with somebody else or groups or teams of people. If you have gained so much from, you know, almost 200 episodes along the way of the leadership formula formerly known as becoming bulletproof. It would mean a lot to me if you took the time to leave a review of your liking or your choosing with whatever you feel you have gotten out of it. And if you think it sucks, you can go ahead and say that too. I'm okay with the truth. And until next time.

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