EP197: Live Enneagram Typing Session: How Your SUBTYPE Can Change How Your Enneagram Type is Expressed with Barbara Schreihans (Enneagram 3)

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships, to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And it is for one of your favorite kinds of episodes is what you're telling me. You guys love the live typing sessions, and I am bringing you a powerhouse today, my good friend, Barbara. Sri Hands. Like three hands, but with Sri at the front of it. Like, she just told me that I'm like, how do you say your last name? Name. She is a legend. Let me tell you, when I was in the presence of her, I was a little intimidated, honestly. And that that does not happen ever, almost, which is a good thing. I now, instead of in the past as an enneagram 8, whenever I felt intimidated, I would automatically go into judgment and be like, build a case against you. Why? You were a piece of shit or something. Like, that's an eight thing for sure. But now, like, when I feel that intimidation or like, who there's a powerhouse in my vicinity, I lean in. And I am so glad I have with this beautiful woman. She's young, too. You're what, 30?

I'm 32.

32 years old. When's your birthday?

June 9th.

Oh, so we got a Gemini in the house on top of it. Because I love knowing our mutual friend Natalia, who does astrology, I'm bringing her on the podcast, too. I love figuring out how Enneagram astrology, all the things kind of all the puzzle pieces fit together and how that can also change the expression of our Enneagram type. Right? So you mentioned when you met me that you're like, I'm a three. I'm totally a three. And I can totally see those behaviors for sure. And I think, especially as women, I'm sure you'll relate to this, that, you know, we especially entrepreneurial women and professional women, we can put on whatever we need to in order to have success, worthiness, attention. Whatever we're seeking in our life, we can we can put it on. So sometimes, especially women, I find are more mistyped than men on top of that because we can play different parts or compartmentalize our life. And so although you do appear very three, like, I'm curious to see where we go with this and how that kind of unfolds. You. You said you had somebody kind of type you a couple years ago or a year or so ago, and the three was the thing. Or it was a two, or you were trying to say, I want to be a two with a three wing. Because I don't like the parts about three.

And that's another thing. Usually when you land on the right type, you don't really love that you're that type. So you might be a three. Because either threes really love being a three. Or they're like, ooh, right? Because I know when I found out I was an eight, I was like, yeah, don't want to be that big biggest asshole on the Enneagram. That's great. That's fun.

So for those of you that are listening in and you find this so fascina, or maybe you have been typed, but you're like, I don't know if this fits. I do live typing sessions off the air. So you don't have to be for the world to listen in on all your stuff. And go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to book yours. Now, it definitely will be the most seen, heard and understood you'll ever feel in about 90 minutes. And then I give you the tools how to integrate this into your life, your businesses, your families, all the things, leadership. So Barbara, when you saw the parts about the Enneagram 3, what were the things that you didn't love that you saw?

That we care a lot about what other people think and we care a lot about what we look like. Like very kind of shallowy things, right?

In fact, we were recording and we see each other because I video record all these through zoom. And before we even started, she went and fixed the pillow on the cute, beautiful couch behind her. And she's got this Pinterest looking office that I'm looking at. It's beautiful. What are the things about the enneagram 3 that you loved that were very.

Like driven, goal oriented, just kind of like always striving for better.

Would you agree? Because I think we have narrowed down that you're at least in the center of intelligence. That's feelings driven. That is rooted in a need for significance, right? So the twos, the threes and the fours, which on your assessment, all three came up pretty high on that, which is great, you know, so significance is important for the two. It's. You find significance in what you do for other people. The threes find significance in how they succeed, how they appear. Right. All those things. And the fours finds significance internally. Right. They're on this constant quest. And the underlying, underlying emotion for all three of those types is shame. Right? So the twos kind of weird outside of them. Like when a two is in shame, you kind of know it. A three, you'll never see it. Other than the people that live with you, they're probably the only ones that'll see it. I'm thinking we're leaning towards a three here. And then the fours internalize it. So where do you think this kind of expression of caring what people think came from for you, at least in the experiences you've had in your life? Because with the enneagram, it's nature and nurture, you're definitely wired a certain way. You've carried babies, too. You have. You're a mom as well. And you know, their temperament and disposition in utero is very, very different. Right? And so we definitely do have a temperament and disposition that we're born with this calling on our life, and then, boom, we're dropped into these environments, families, experiences that can change the expression of that. So if you are a three and you do believe that you know what you do, how you appear and what you achieve is important to you, where do you think that got reinforced in your home early on?

I mean, definitely a lot of different parts about my family dynamic and parents, like, my parents are addicts. And so childhood was definitely very unstable, and I kind of hid that by, oh, well, no one at school will ever know because I'll act this way or look this way or I won't have friends come over to my house. So then they'll never know. But then also, my parents never wanted other people to know that they were addicts too. So then they would act a certain way, or they never had any money, but they would outwardly try to show that they had money. So then that turned into credit card debt and bankruptcies and foreclosures and, you know, all of those things. So I think just seeing that modeled in pretending like you're someone, was it.

Ever found out at school that you were living with addicts? Because I had the same. I mean, you and I have talked at length a little bit about this, that I grew up in a similar household, and I. That was the last thing I wanted people to know as well, and I showed that a little bit differently than you. Did people ever find out?

I don't think so. Teachers suspected, but nowhere like, in my peers. Like, CPS was called on my parents multiple times from my teachers.

How do you think teachers were onto it? Do you have siblings?

I do have. Yeah. I have a younger brother. He's nine years younger than me.

Oh, wow. Okay. So how do you think teachers were onto it?

I think it was more like the physical abuse rather than the addiction. But obviously the addiction feeds into.

So both parents were addicts. Wow.

Different ways and different things, but yeah.

Okay, so let's talk about that for a second. So with mom, what did that look like? What did Mom's addiction look like?

Alcohol.

And was she, like, a functioning one or, like a fun one? An angry one?

All, oh, my gosh.

Different day, different Jekyll and Hyde.

Yeah. Like, she could be the fun mom at a concert, you know, with my friends being like, oh, be like, oh, my gosh, your mom is so fun. I'm like, oh, my God, she's taking her bra off again. You know, or at home, when no one was watching, it was like, you know, attacking my dad or just being vindictive or passive aggressive or, you know.

Did she work?

Yeah.

What did she do for a career?

She got fired, so she knows she's retired now. Oh, that's what she.

That's what we call it.

Retired now. But my whole childhood. Yeah, she. She was, like, kind of in and out of.

Yeah.

All kinds of different jobs.

So as far as the. The spending money, they didn't have to keep up the appearances. What? Because, I mean, when we get into what Barbara does for a living, this is beautiful. And probably why you're so fricking passionate about what you do and how you do it. Very different than the typical kind of accounting, CPA kind of shit. Like, she's fucking great, you guys. Seriously. Seriously. I've never seen anything quite like this. And it's beautiful watching your parents kind of put on that facade with the spending. Did you kind of feed into that or did it make you nervous?

I definitely kind of fed into that. And even myself, like, when I was 18, I was like, sweet. I can get credit cards, like, and just start spending. And then, you know, my parents had no savings for college, and so all of it was on student loans. And even my housing was on student loans because I was like, I need to get the heck out of the house. And so, yeah, I kind of fell into that vicious cycle. And when I. And then moving forward, I had a kiddo in college, and I put daycare on credit cards because I had to get through college. So when I graduated, I had, you know, six figures of debt, not making very much money. I was like. And I realized, like, shit, I'm doing what my parents did. Like, if I keep on the same path, I'm also gonna, like, go bankrupt or, you know, I didn't want my kids to go through the same stuff I did. So that's kind of where my journey began of, like, getting out of debt right after college and luckily got out of the debt and, you know, kind of went the other way, luckily.

But did, you know, like, did you go to college and study, like, finance and money and all of that?

So, funny enough, so I graduated high school at 16 because I wanted to get the heck out of the house and went to community college. I went to community school for five years. Like, who does that? Because I literally didn't know what I wanted to do. So I have five AA degrees in very different things. What are they? I have general studies. I have paralegal. I have pre law. I have business. And then finally, the fifth year, my career counselor was like, you got to get out of here. Like, you can't just keep taking more and more classes. And I'm like, but I don't know what I want to do. And they're like, just apply to business school, and then once you get there, you can change your major. So that was, like, helpful for me because I was like, oh, I didn't know I could change my major. Well, I get to Cal Poly. That's where I went to undergrad. And they're like, actually, no, you're not allowed to change your major once you're. Once you're in. And so I was business, but in business, you have to pick a concentration. And that was right when I found out I was pregnant. And so I went to my career counselor, and I was like, what is like, 100% chance? The day I graduate, I'm going to have a job because I need to have a job for this baby. And they were like, accounting. So that's when I. Wow. Yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Now let's talk about your dad real quick. What was his kind of addiction?

Looking like, man, that has changed so many times. When I was really young, my parents addiction was cocaine, crack. Like, I was a crack baby. Then it turned into gambling was always in the background for him, so they would somehow get money. And then, you know, he would gamble it away. He would always be, like, owing people. So all these, like, weird people would always be, like, at our house and bad situations and then so gambling. Then my dad broke his back twice. He was a cable guy for a long time, like a lineman and fell off a telephone pole twice. So broke his back. So then the addiction turned to pain meds. And literally every pain medication, like, you open their medicine cabinet, it's like you must have 30 different doctors, like, doctor would prescribe all of that, you know, so, yeah, it's been definitely pain.

Wow.

For a long time. Lots of oxy. Yeah.

Are they still married?

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I think they just had their, like, 40th anniversary.

How's your brother?

He is interesting. He is very straight edge. So, like, has never had a sip of alcohol in his life. Probably because that, you know, he was afraid of my mom's kind of route, you know, has never done drugs. None of that. But my parents always called him, like, the smarter one.

He would always.

They would always call him like, he's the smarter one, the more stable ones. I was a crazy teenager and, you know, he had like a 4.6 GPA. He could have gone to any college that he wanted to for football. My dad also played football, so he was kind of like the star child because he played football and that's all my dad cared about. But my brother's senior year of high school, I was in grad school at the time. We found out my dad had a five year affair and has a kid with that person, and that really rocked my brother's world for me. I was older and I was like. I was kind of like, well, you're a shitbag, but whatever. For my brother, his senior year of high school, and he was just about to go to college and accept where he wanted to go for football, he basically failed out of school. And so he lost all of his scholarships and then never went to school.

So hard.

Wow. That's pretty devastating for him. I was curious because a lot of times the siblings and where we fall in birth order can change how our type gets expressed too. When you have confidence and you're feeling like, all right, I'm on point right now, I'm in the flow. What kind of things are happening for you internally and externally?

My schedule isn't too booked. Like, if I can control my schedule so that, like, I have a good morning routine, I can go to the gym and then, you know, have maybe a six hour work day of like, back to back Meetings or something. Today's like 10 hours. So today's a little crazy because I'm going out of town, but. And then like relax at night. Family time, that sort of thing. Is that what you mean?

Yeah, yeah. So you feel like there's harmony in all areas of your life, like self care, work, family, marriage, all that stuff. When things feel like the wheels are flying off the freaking axle, even though on the surface, I'm guessing not many people would know it. Right. Is that pretty accurate? Like when shit's about to hit the fan, Barbara's got a straight face and like. Like bring it kind of thing. What's happening internally for you? Do you feel like you're white knuckling it?

I think I feel like I have to control everything.

And what is the fear that's happening? Like, what are you afraid that's going to happen? Are you afraid that you're going to let somebody down? Are you afraid that you're going to be found out and, oh, my God, like, what would people think if they think this mis put together handles everything?

Is that it?

Yeah, yeah, the letter.

When you've had relationships kind of go south, whether romantic or friendships or. I mean, clearly with a family of addicts and stuff, I have the same sympathetic. You and I are kind of in the same path where, like, we're kind of doing the duck out from the family ties. Like, we love them, but we're going to do it from way over here. Right. You and I are very similar with zero fucks with that. And I think that that's great. I'm sure you've been judged for that. I know I have been. But, you know, you've got a legacy that you're leaving with your kids that goes beyond finances. Right. And in order to break those patterns, we have to do that hard decisions. And for somebody who is wired to care what people think, I know how challenging that can be. So I applaud you for taking that hard step. But when you've had other relationships go south in your life, whether you were married before, right, Like a previous marriage or even friendships that, you know, when you're elevating as fast as you are, like, holy shit, you. You are flying, like up this success train. And it's beautiful and it's totally authentic to who you are. But sometimes when we do that, we lose people along the way. What do you think is the common thing that happens in the breakdown of relationships that you've had? That is your responsibility.

I break ties very easily. Like, if I see one One thing wrong or, you know, one lie or one thing that I don't trust about someone. I just, like, break ties. I don't care. Like, it doesn't affect me emotionally, or at least I don't think. And then maybe. Maybe it does later. But at the time, I'm like, right.

Is there a way that you do that? Because, like, you know, if there's one lie or one thing, there's gonna be more that follow, and then it allows you to not get hurt or need them. Is there an element of that? I mean, a lot of that has to do with growing up with addicts. I get that I have a hard time allowing people get close to me for similar reasons. Like, no, I can't rely on the people that were supposed to take care of me. Like, you're dead to me.

What would people tell me that you're friends with? What would they tell me is the best part about being friends with you?

That I inspire them that I am a really good listener. I'm always down for adventures. So, like, we just had a group chat this morning, and we're like, let's go on a wine weekend. Yeah. I will always support them.

What would they tell me is the hardest part about being friends with you?

I suck at communication.

In what way?

Like, I'll think about them, but I won't text them or call them and tell them I'm thinking about them.

Then they might think I'm. I don't really care or I'm not checking in on them. I do.

Does you kind of doing your thing get in the way of that, or do you worry that, like, if I start down that train, I'm gonna get sucked into it and then I won't have time to, like, get out of it or what kind of goes on with you with when you do think of them, but then you don't act on it?

I think a part of it is, like, just being busy, but then also, I think a vulnerability piece as well.

Yeah.

Just like, if I tell everyone I love them and they, like, hurt my heart, you know, Hurt.

Or they'll want more from you than you can actually give. No. You're not worried about that. Have you ever heard the complaints that people have felt, like, if I'm not doing or achieving, like, you don't really have time for me, or if I'm not, like, doing what you deem as important, do you kind of go through flows of friends and things like that, or.

I don't think so.

Okay. How do you show anger? What does your anger look like?

I will hold it in until I just am like, blah.

And then is it like, nasty or is it passive aggressive or what does it typically look like?

It's nasty.

Nasty. What usually will set you off to blow? Like, what's the thing?

Something stupid. But it's not really that small stupid thing. It's like 20 other things before that that I just didn't say anything on. I'm only thinking of my husband for this one because, like, people don't really. Friends don't really ever like, anger me or they don't, you know, it's like we always take it out on our spouse. I don't know why. At least I do.

Well, because they. They see the vulnerability day in and day out. Yeah, that's why. What would he tell me is his favorite thing about you?

That I'm super caring.

Yeah.

And a good mom. And like, I put everyone else first in the family. I'm funny.

You are funny.

We're like always laughing.

What would he tell me drives him really crazy about you. And not in the fun, sexy way.

That.

But I do hold a lot of it in, like, things bothering me or, you know, or even he'll just be like, how was your day? I'm like, oh, it was good. It was fine. But like, I'm so done at the end of the day that, like, I just don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I think just that I can communicate better.

How many kiddos do you have?

Well, I have two. I have a stepdaughter as well, so three. But like, I've had two, you know.

And how old are they?

11, 9 and 3.

Which one challenges you the most?

Oh, gosh, the youngest.

Why? Is it just the three year old zone or is it personality?

Oh, I think this will be his personality forever. Like, he's just wild.

In what way?

Like, you'll tell him no and he'll just like, look at you and do it anyway. He's like, perfectly my husband and I together, that we're like, oh, no. We're like, screwed. We joke like he'll either be in jail one day or a CEO. I mean, we're pushing towards the CEO part, but. But yeah, he's crazy.

I get it. Oh, my gosh. Which child is the easiest for you?

Well, the two older ones, they're both pretty easy in different. In different ways. Like my, the oldest stepdaughter, she. She's just like motherly and has always kind of like taking care of herself, even though we tell her like, just be a kid. That kind of just happened from being like a. Being from divorced parents, you know, kind of like having to grow up faster than she needed to.

Yeah.

And then my 9 year old, he's just so easy and calm and like, just goes with the flow.

And what's your husband like? You think he's an eight, right? Oh, he's.

He's an eight through and through.

Whoa. So I get a lot of requests about the 38 combo. Whether it's business or relationships, they like. The 38 combo can be really, really great because we're both super assertive, driven. Where it kind of goes sideways is usually if the 8 is a little unhealthier or the 3's unhealthier and then there's this power struggle for different reasons. And I'm sure you guys have experienced that. There's a lot of fricking passion, though.

Yeah.

Makes sexy time really, really fun. I'm sure.

Yes. I mean, when we're good, it's like amazing, which is 99%.

Yeah, but.

Yeah, but when we fight, it's like crazy.

Yeah.

I was at a friend's giving on Friday and I was sitting across from a girl. I'd never met her, and she's an eight and her husband's a three. So opposite. And we were talking about the same thing. Like, it's so good when it's good and it's just crazy when it's not.

Yeah. One of the things, like with an 8, like, we don't need to be the center of intention. And that's why the 38 works, honestly, because eights don't necessarily need to be the center of attention, but we don't want to be controlled either. So, like, when A3 gets their agenda going and they're on hyper like crazy. If in any way that 8 feels like they're being controlled by that, that's when we'll kind of throw some daggers into your plan a little bit to slow your roll and to let you know, like, really, who's in charge here. But when there's good communication, I find it really is a beautiful thing because there's nothing like having a support system in an 8, because if shit goes sideways, they're the best to have. And you guys definitely inspire the crap out of me. I wish there are days I wish I was wired. Like, just like, see the goal, hit the goal and nothing gets in the way. It's beautiful. So it's a beautiful combination. One of the things that really alters the expression of Our enneagram type, or why 65 to 70% of you are mistyped one of them, the number one thing is trauma, and you've obviously experienced a lot of that. And. And it doesn't mean you have to grow up with addicts or have some abuse or anything like that. Like, little trauma can affect this. So basically, we all kind of take on different facades, Personas, coping mechanisms, in order to protect the thing that we're most vulnerable with. Right? And the other aspect of it is our instinctual response to life. And this is one of the things that none of these online assessments. I love artificial intelligence. It's amazing. It's a great starting point, but it can't take into the instinctual responses you have to life. And that's why asking these questions is really, really important. Because it now, for me, it's so clear, like, what you are. Because we have three instinctual responses and we use all of them, but one definitely dominates. There's self preservation, which is what you are for sure. And a lot of that anytime we grow up in a household that has that much kind of uncertainty, and especially where safety is concerned, almost always I see somebody that's in self preservation, and that self preservation can look very, very different Amongst the Enneagram types. Then there's the one on one, which is they're focused on the intensity of experiences and relationships where I can see you kind of going there too. And then there's the social aspect, the social response, where this focuses on interactions with the world. Right? And so with you having a instinctual response that's more self preservation, it can absolutely make the three look very different than your typical three, because, yes, you do have three behaviors, but you don't present like a typical three. You really, really don't. And the self preservation three, which is what I do believe you are, you absolutely are, is kind of the counter type, you know. So amongst the three threes, you know, the self preservation three, the one on one three, and the social three, the self preservation three, is the one that does not quite look like the other. Okay? And within each enneagram type, there's a counter type. It isn't always the self preservation, but for the three, it is. And so you aren't flashy. You can be. Oh, you can be bougie as fuck. I've seen you. And it's amazing, but it isn't like, you don't wear that like a Persona. And that's why, like, that three was like, yeah, but I'm not, like, shallow, and I'M not necessarily superficial. Success and achievement is absolutely, really important to you. And it is where you find your significance. That being said, that Self Preservation 3 is the counter type in that they dislike advertising their strengths and accomplishments overtly. Where the other two are more like, look at me, give me the praise. You have a very subtle way of doing that that isn't outwardly. You want to avoid being seen as image oriented. I mean, part of you rode that wave as a child because it was what was modeled for you. But then you saw the damage that that caused. And I'm so glad that you went into like business and accounting for the reasons that you did at the time was, yeah, superficial and self preservation because you had a baby. But what you've turned that into, not just for your own success, but the way that you help others. And that's the other part of this three that's in you with a very strong two wing. Yes, you are very accurate on that. You have a very strong two win where the reason you are is great at what you do. Other than being intelligent and wise and smart and outside the box, you actually give a shit about helping your clients. So in spite of not wanting to be image oriented, it is important for you to be recognized for your hard work and excellence. The Self Preservation 3 is very reliable and efficient and productive and aspires to do the right thing. Right. The pursuit of security and self sufficiency though, can lead to workaholism. The Self Preservation 3 can be the most workaholic out of all the threes because you're coming from a place of safety, certainty and the resources are what's most important to you. You do fall into the one on one as well because of what you've experienced. I fall into the one on one as well because of growing up with so much uncertainty and lack of safety. When I have found my people, it is everything to me. And I will cut ties like you have. So I do see that. So do you want to know the gifts of your three ness?

Yeah.

So this is what I tell people too. Like, for each Enneagram type, your superpowers can actually be your kryptonite too. So the very things that make you a powerful, beautiful, excellence driven three can also be the very thing that take out your health, your relationships. And I know because we've talked a little bit about this, where these very things can also take you out. So when we're in a place of love, compassion, empathy, service, grace, honor for ourselves and our people, that's when they're superpowers. When we're coming from that. Fear, scarcity, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt, ego. Threes and eights can have big ass egos. Right? Like we probably have the biggest egos on the Enneagram. So we have to kind of like manage that because that can take us out too with these things. Ambition. There's nobody like a three. Like that's why we all want to be you, because you do really just. You make shit happen. You're efficient, you become very resourceful. Especially like even during pandemic. That's when you built up your business. Like when the world was like, how the hell, like a financial crisis. Guess what? Barbara Fricking killed it. Probably your biggest year, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Resourceful as fuck. It's amazing. Adaptable. Another benefit of when this whole thing happened in 2020, she was efficient, resourceful and adaptable. And she was coming from a good place. Driven, results oriented. Right now you can see when you're in fear or scarcity where those things can take you out, you're overly ambitious. And I know for a three there's like, is there such a thing? Yes, there is. If it burns out your body, your relationships, it absolutely. At the end of the day, you want to be with who's around you. It isn't what you've got in the bank account. Even though that's really important. Right. I get that. And these other things absolutely. Being so results oriented can make people feel abandoned by you and how they receive you or if you've got a task at hand, that drive, especially as a mom, and I know you know this, I have to be very careful of this too because I'm quite driven as well, that especially our little people can start to take on the belief that those things, that achievement, this stuff is more important than them. And you and I both experience that when we grow up with addicts, we start to think, oh, drugs and alcohol are more important than me, right? So me being a workaholic as well and very driven in a different way than my parents were. And same as you, you and I have to be very mindful that we know why we're doing it, we're doing it for them. But you as well as I do know that a child may not get that. And so being very communicative with them is going to be really, really important. And for the self preservation three, that can be challenging. So you know, as a three, you have wings which are the two and the four. And ironically I'm, I'm really glad that you scored high in all three of these because that tells me also that you know how to kind of use these tools in the tool belt. It's kind of like financial tools. Like, it's, it's one thing to have one tool, your balance sheet, that's great. That's one tool. But there's other tools that can, like, drive revenue, you know, how we save, how we make more money. Right. And I'm sure you teach that all the time with your clients. Like, let's use these other resources and tools to become more efficient in what we do, tax wise, all the things. And so for you, having a two and a four wing, they're actually the superheroes of the three. But sometimes left in your own three ways, you'll be like, screw the people, screw the creativity. Let's just go right. But the real essence of the three, and I see you doing this, the creativity that you come up with with your TikToks and reels are out of this world. That's all your four wing, all of it. And I love it. So keep using it. It's beautiful. That's where your outside the box thinking comes in. It's where your storytelling, you tell great stories about your clients and why and how you do things different than the typical accounting and CPAs. Please keep using that, because that will only make your three more efficient and it'll feel a hell of a lot more fun. Right? And it actually draws people closer to you, which, because you have a very, very, very strong two wing, you're all about relation and connection and intimacy and compassion. And that's why you have the success you do in your business as well as your family. Now, seriously, because like, the three is like, what's the goal here? Right? It's there. Okay, we're gonna do that. But thankfully you slowed down just enough to like check in with that two wing. It's like, well, we got people involved. How do I, you know, Even though I'm like in high overdrive here and I'm gonna crush this, how do I make people not feel like I'm leaving them in my dust?

That's also that self preservation part of you too. You actually give a shit, which is awesome. So you using that two wing to like, okay, I know not everybody's wired like me, so how can I kind of slow my role a little bit where they don't feel like they're just a pawn in this thing, Right? I see you using your two wing beautifully. And then the four is like, what do I really want to do like, yeah, it's your creativity and your storytelling and your fun playfulness. But at the end of the day for a three, like your final kind of gatekeeper should be the four. Because so much of a three is about how they appear to the world and what people might think of them. That four wing is that individualist, which is like, but what is authentic to me and what do I really desire? And once you kind of like say this is what I want to do, this is regardless of if anybody ever said add a girl or that's amazing or it made a bunch of money or anybody thought I was amazing because of it, this is what I want to do. When I see a 3, really use that. Like it's what we're seeing come out in you. It is so clear this is what you should be doing because you're having, you're having so much fun and you're helping a shit ton of people in businesses. It's crazy. Now the other aspect, and I don't know if you know this, do you know about the lines, your growth line and your maybe stressor line? Do you know about these?

Yeah.

So as a three, the six is your growth wing and I do. Or your growth line and I do see you use this because you do slow your role enough. That's your strategist, that is your troubleshooter and being a CPA and accountant and dealing with taxes, I mean her Instagram handle is your tax coach. Like there is not more troubleshooting that needs to be done. But being a three, she can get kind of creative around this. So if you just have a six, like they're all by the book, right? A three is like, eh, we can think outside the box. But she has that growth six where she can troubleshoot it enough, where you can kind of push the envelope a little bit and be more strategic in your clients, getting more return, saving more money. Like that's your six. That's using your six. You slow your role just enough to use that in the most elegant, beautiful way. That is a win win for everybody. It also keeps you out of doing things that you don't necessarily want to do. Right? Like using that six. Now your stress number. When all this achieving and all this and you and I kind of talk, I think at the beginning of our mastermind, one of your main goals was to take care of your health a little bit better. Because a three, when they're in that mode and you're coming off the biggest year of your career, a lot of Times the go, go, go burns you out. And your health is usually your health. And relationships are usually the things that take the hit. And when you drive that hard for that long, I mean, even though threes are superheroes, you're still a human being. And so that nine, that sloth, like, part of the nine, not the beautiful Yoda part of the wine of the nine, but, like, that slothy, like, I just need to be horizontal, numbed out, and I have no feelings about anything is kind of what happens. And so I tell people to use that stress number as, like, the warning lights on a car, because usually when you go there, then. Then the shame really kicks in when you know that you're, like, horizontal and slothy.

Yep.

That's usually where your shame gets it kicks in. And although the world won't see you in shame, that's when you'll start, like, poking the bear with your husband, usually because he's the only one that'll see it. And it feels really vulnerable. Yeah.

Yep.

So instead of when you feel the need to go horizontal, it's like, okay, where can I take things off my plate a little bit sooner next time? Right. And like, where did I do things that I really didn't want to do? Maybe I didn't check in with that four wing and do things that were really passionate for me because I was like, hey, this is more Atta girls to add to my list. Right. So for you, what is resonating with you? Is it that self preservation part that is like, ah, okay, that makes sense. Now. What is it for you that you're seeing in all of this?

Yeah, I definitely resonated with the self pres. 3. That's what I typed myself as, like, last year. So I love it that it was all. It was all correct. And then, yeah, using, like, I use that 9 number all the time to check in and be like, okay, if I just want to, like, Netflix and chill and, like, not do anything, it's because I'm pushing too hard, so I need to delegate more to my team. So.

Good.

So, yeah, I'm really trying. And it's kind of funny because I'm a three and I'm a projector. I don't know if you know. Do you know a lot about.

You know what? This keeps coming up for me. I'm gonna find a human design person to talk to. Perfect. Connect me with her or him. And I definitely want to banter about this.

Yeah, you'll love her. We just had her coach our team, but a projector Is like, we're called like the queens. Like, we're supposed to just sit on our throne and like delegate to everyone, but not really do anything. So it's very hard when the three is like, just do it, do it, do it. But then on the human design side, I'm like, but I'm not supposed to like do it all. So I've been slowly like, like each month taking an hour a day off of my calendars to just like be. And so in December it's like I'm only taking four hours of meetings a day. In January it's only going to be three. So. But it's tough because then you're like, but if I just worked a little bit harder and a little bit longer, I could make more money or do whatever. But then I realized, no, the more I delegate to my team, the more successful will be.

And the, the other part about like the stressor number, like the real holy grail of really using the entire framework and system of the Enneagram. And I love like hearing about the human design and, and that because yeah, you're wired a certain way and if you're left to just your three ways and your projector ways, like, you're just gonna go off like, and you're gonna go make things happen. And that's why the framework is so important in understanding the anatomy of your type. Because me, left to my own eight ways, I'm just killing people. Like, I'm just bulldozing over anybody that I feel threatened by, including my own children. Like, seriously, like, I've been a bulldozer in my life before. And that's where really using these other numbers, the other four types that are connected to you with the wings and your, your two lines, the Holy Grail is obviously using your growth number, but that stressor number, you having a nine, this is where it gets really cool for a three. And I do see you doing this like, and, and you utilizing what you know, with human design and the queen ness and you know, the. It's ironic that you say that because the nine is. They're the king and queen of the Enneagram because they sit at the top. And you know, regardless of, you know, your belief system around faith, like the story of Jesus and God, the divine power, whatever, the highest power that you believe in, I believe is also the nine on the Enneagram and their ability to see the bigger picture and how to make this a win, win for everyone. And the non judgmental piece, like that's the healthy parts of the Nine. Now, when we're a sloth and horizontal, like, that's not really Yoda. That's more like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. But the beautiful thing about even our stressor numbers is we can tap into the beautiful parts of it. And when you can use the beautiful parts of your stress number, which I do today, I use it in a non healthy way, but I also can use it in a beautiful way too. And so I do see you using that healthy Yoda. Nine, what's for the greatest good for my client, for my family, for me? I do see you doing that. I mean, the way that your health has transformed, I've witnessed it. You. You are stunning. And not. Not because, like, you're stunning. You're stunning because you're honoring the vessel. And when we do that, and that's hard for a three to do sometimes, other than the outward appearance, because you can polish up. We can polish up a paper bag and make it look good. Right? A3 can do that better than anybody. But you have this essence of stunningness that's coming out of you, and it is because you're leaning into that healthy part of the projector, I believe, as well as the healthy nine on the Enneagram. It's so beautiful. Yay. Okay, you guys, Money, I gotta say, is probably one of the most vulnerable things in everybody's life, right? Obviously matters of the heart, and for some Enneagram types, that's a big deal. But I would say right up there with that is financial health and financial wellness. And there is nobody that I have ever seen, ever, that is as good as this woman. And not only making it not so scary, but really like, hey, this is what we're going to do. And giving you a plan that isn't just textbook, but customized for you and outside the box thinking, this is what I do love about her. So tell people what you do and how and where they can find you and learn more from you. I mean, and I also think that, and I said this to you before we hit record, that hearing where you came from, like, me knowing that makes me trust you even more honestly, and makes me feel like you actually freaking get it. Like how scary life can be growing up the way that you and I grew up, that's very vulnerable. And then, you know, growing up with what we grew up with financially and the. The beliefs that we were, you know, put in front of us, I think that's why you are as amazing at what you do. So what is the. The sweet spot for people Working with you. And what does that look like?

Yeah. So I'm the founder of your tax coach. We dig into business owners, businesses and find ways for them to save in taxes. So people send us their tax return. We'll send you a complimentary like tax savings summary. And it's really cool because you'll see exactly how much you'll save in taxes, what our fee is. And it's seriously a no brainer. We only take people if we know that you'll save way more money than what we charge. So right now we're, you know, it's a year end, so a bajillion people are coming to us strategy because they're like, oh my gosh, it's year end. We need to save money in taxes. How do we do that? But we're also amending everybody's tax returns too, so we can look at that as well. And like just this week we amended a client's 18, 19 and 20 return. She's getting over $100,000 back in her pocket. It's like crazy. So back to what you were saying. Like, you know, my childhood, really, I saw my mom hand over her, literally hand over her paycheck to my dad every other Friday and he would give her an allowance. And I saw that and always was like, man, why does she have to work so hard and like give a man her money? You know, and so that's really like our goal. I mean, of course we work with men as well, but women are really attracted to us and if we can change, you know, a mom, a single mom, a family, you know, women spend their money on everyone else. And so if we can help them save money and invest in their future and all of the things, it's a beautiful.

And how would you say you're different than. I mean, obviously like accountants and CPAs get a bad rap for being very analytical, non emotional. I mean your ability to put that aside is beautiful. But you are heart centered, which is awesome. Other than that, how, how would you tell people you're different than a typical CPA accounting kind of thing?

Yeah, I mean most accountants will just like you give them your numbers, they'll put it on a form and make sure it gets filed on time, hopefully. But they just give you a tax number to pay and you're like, okay, I guess I'll pay that. Whereas we're like, okay, this would be your number. Maybe your number was you have to pay $60,000 in taxes. But we're like, but if you do XYZ strategies now you'll pay 12,000 and it's like amazing.

So it's education at the same time.

Yeah. We educate our clients on the strategies and give them the tax law behind it and it's really a no brainer.

Do you guys do like investing counseling as well or recommendations?

We can't legally give.

Right.

Advice. Right. But I just use my own. You know, what I've done in my life and what has been successful and what hasn't and you know, what to watch out for. And you know, like clients come to me, they want to buy their first rental property. Well, we have a lot of rental properties. Like, you know, I'll tell you the ins and outs of it. Or you know, I just use my experience and give, give them advice that way.

And this is why I love Barbara. This is why I love Barbara. And this is also like why like I never became a therapist. Everybody said I should be a therapist, but exactly what she said. Like I didn't want the rules of not being able to like say, hey, la la la la la. As a coach, I'm like, here's my experience. And when you have somebody that's as brilliant and wise as her in her field, plus she's a natural coach and a natural teacher, like that is like the holy grail of what she does. And you guys reach out to her. You can follow her on instagram@your taxcoach.com. i highly recommend following her on TikTok too. She does killer TikToks about all this kind of stuff and makes like talking about money and finances and like get you excited about like crushing it. Not just for trading time for money, but like how to be smart and invest and be very strategic in what you do with it. Follow her at your tax coach on TikTok. Barbara, you're one of my favorite threes of all time. I used to be very challenged with threes, but I think I have such a beautiful love for the Self Preservation 3 specifically just because I get it. You know, we're wired very similar, but we're different. Yeah, I love it, girl.

Thank you so much.

All right, any final words for the people?

I think that's it. If they have any money tax, you know, investing questions, just DM me. I'm happy to help.

You guys are awesome. And honestly, like I work with a lot of people around like their financial beliefs in regards to their enneagram and where holdups might be, you know, based on your enneagram type, there definitely is a narrative that kind of goes on in each Enneagram type. So so we can kind of dive into that. You can go to traciomalley.com, the work with Me section. You can book a typing session or do the whole damn Enneagram experience. And we can deep dive into all of this with you or your teams and organizations and businesses. Reach out for more information or follow me @tracyomalley on Instagram. And until next time, here's to becoming the ultimate leader in your life.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram @tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life. Life.