EP202: How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Go into 2022 Ready to Do What You Are Called to Do

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and.

Make money doing something you love?

Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Hello, hello and welcome back to the podcast the Leadership Formula. And I have been procrastinating all damn day recording this. I spent the morning, I woke up at like 5 in the morning and did one of Those very fun Christmassy 5Ks with my son. And there's part of the story here that I think will be important for you to hear. But just like I have been procrastinating this all day, it's now it's dark outside. Let's just say that it's dark outside and I could lie to myself and say I'm going to wake up extra early and be fresh on Monday morning and record this, but I'm going to call bullshit on myself. And when I was thinking about what this episode would be about since we have literally 10 days left in 2021 and this is usually the time that we kind of check out for the rest of the year. You know, we're in the feels, we're, you know, doing the holiday thing. This is where we use the excuse of the holidays. And I'm not knocking you doing really cool shit and fun and spending all the time like, trust me, I think there is a beautiful harmony that is required to live your best life. I'm not buying into the hustle and grind and if you know you want it bad enough, like all that shit, but I am also a straight shooting, no bullshit, tell it like it is kind of girl. And you and I both know when we give ourselves grace, and I'm using air quotes, sometimes we are just enabling shitty behavior for ourself and sometimes even other people. And I thought that this episode with 10 days left in 2021 would be maybe the extra kick in the ass that you need. I'm going to be speaking to myself as much as I am to you because it is usually the thing that we teach that we need to learn and remember the most and you know, I'm an enneagram8 and I can be tough as nails and I can even try to bully myself into believing some of my own crap, right. Looking back on 2021, there were some things I definitely wanted to do differently in regards to my business because I love one on one coaching so, so much. I love it. I absolutely love it. And it is why I have become such a beautiful expert in this field. Because you know, when you do one on one coaching like I do and many of you do, you really master your craft. And I think so often in business, you know, the passive streams of income and the one to many and more bang for your buck. And I, trust me, I'm a numbers girl and I get it. But I think sometimes we rush to, you know, the one to many or the passive things, you know, aside from like a product or you know, stocks and bonds and real estate and things like that. I think sometimes we can rush into that and I can use that as a reason why I haven't done what is scary for me and scale parts of my business. Right? I can say, well, you know, I can be that person like, well, I'm mastering my crafts, I'm going to do more one on one coaching and I love it and I will always do it. I've got an announcement about that coming soon. But I also know that that's a safe place for me. I have no problem packing my schedule with one on one clients. I have no problem having people hire me as a one on one coach. I really, really don't. And that is a very safe place for me to be. And as an enneagram8, I do not like to rely on anyone. I will not. Absolutely will not. Will I lean in and receive support from time to time? Absolutely. But if push comes to shove, will I ever rely on anybody? The answer is a big fat freaking no. No matter how healthy I get, the thought of relying on anyone for anything really is the most vulnerable thing you could ask me to do. And so although, you know, you might look at me and be like, oh my gosh, she still does one on one coaching. And that's so honorable because she could be scaling her business and making so much more money and that is fucking facts. I could be making a hell of a lot more money and I could buy into that, right? I really could buy into that. But I know that the truth, and it is my job to not only speak truth into my life, but yours. It's why many of you hire me. Okay, I am hiding behind my one on one coaching a lot of time because in order to scale and do more and serve more of you, it's very selfish of me actually, which is another thing, and I'm not going for a shame hit here, but it is very, very selfish of me to not do more of the one to many, because there's many of you. I'm not serving that I can actually really freaking help. I know that between my experience, my expertise, the wisdom of being 50 years old, there is a lot that I can do with you that can serve you. And because, you know, I'm packing my schedule and there's only so many hours in the day for me to work one on one with people, A lot of you are left behind and that doesn't feel good to me. Has it been enough for me to get really, really vulnerable and get some help in the scalability of my business? Absolutely not. And that's selfish. And I have to honor and meet myself with compassion. I want you to hear me and hear me real loud and clear that when I say it's being selfish, I'm not meeting myself with shame. I'm meeting myself with compassion. Because it is very, very scary. Right? And if I just kind of buried myself in the shame, nothing would change. Like, shame is like the shovel for your dreams to. To be buried into a pit. And so shame serves absolutely nothing good. I understand that when I do this, and many of you are doing this, this is a protective mechanism to protect the thing we're most vulnerable and the thing we're most afraid of. Right? And each Enneagram type definitely is fearful of this. You know, the Enneagram ones are fearful of not being good enough. The twos are fearful of not being loved. The threes are fearful of not being the best. The fours are fear of not being authentic and unique. The Fives are fearful of not being equipped and capable. The Sixes are fearful of not being prepared or being blindsided. The Sevens are fearful of being put in a box and and having their options taken away from them. The Eights are fearful of betrayal and violation. And the Nines are fearful of not having harmony. So whatever Enneagram type you fall into, there, there is a bullshit excuse that you are using right now, just like I am, to protect that fear. Now, you might say, like, that isn't true. Well, I'm sure if we do the six degrees of separation and really, really dig a little deeper, it comes to that. You know, I'm having this heart to heart with myself and many of you around what this is going to look like. I'm not going to let another year pass with compassion. I'm meeting myself with so much compassion and getting the support that I need. And that's required to really honorably, compassionately heal this part. And continuously I will always have to manage this because it is always going to be my thing to need other people. And if you think about it like I have built a very, very successful business. I have one assistant, that's it. And she's been my assistant for seven years. So I really, really trust her. But for me to be able to do what I've done as one person has been remarkable. And I again my. The robust ego of the A could really buy into that. But I want to serve more of you in 2022. I want to really free up my time and do more of the one to many. And I have in 2022, don't get me wrong, I have expanded my one to many part of my business that's more scalable in teams and organizations. And I have and it, it lights me up because when I'm working with more people, it is putting all these puzzle pieces together. Also doing more typing sessions on air. For all of you is teaching more, more of this one to many because you get to learn more about the other Enneagram types and how others might receive you. It has become super powerful for many of you. I'm hearing you. That being said, I want you to really look at where maybe you are giving yourself a little bit of extra grace, otherwise known as some bullshit excuse. And I'm not minimizing what grace means, but you and I both know if you're looking in the mirror and being completely honest with yourself, this grace that you're giving yourself is a cover for an excuse to protect the thing you're most afraid of.

We're not guaranteed tomorrow and I know like we throw that cliche around and you know, it's been almost 10 years since that one kind of hit me in the face with a two by four with the sudden loss of my dad and other people in the last decade. And I've kind of rested on that a little bit, especially in most recent years as I become more comfortable and you know, good is the enemy of great.

2022 is the year for you to not do this anymore. It will mean that you have to lean into some of your biggest fears. It will mean that you will have to rely on other people. It will mean that you will have to let go of some people, places and things that are holding you back, that you are letting hold you back. Because nothing and no one can hold you back unless you give them permission or allow them to. We get what we tolerate. Again, I am saying this not for you to beat yourself up or go down a shame spiral, okay? This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where compassion is your superpower. Compassion is your superpower to lean into what needs to happen. So I want you to kind of take out a pen and a paper and really with gentleness and kindness, I want you to think back to maybe the four, five, six year old version of yourself, that first or second grader, and think about what she might have been afraid of. And although it might have been very small in that kindergarten kind of world, there's a version of that that's playing out in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, whatever you are today. That five year old in me was always afraid of being betrayed or violated. It's why I was a lone wolf and it's why like, you know, I knew what to do at that age. And that is very much playing out in aspects of my life today. And so when you want to naturally go to beat yourself up or pull out the shame stick or whatever it is you do or say to yourself to keep yourself stuck, I want you to picture that beautiful part of you. And I know that you would never whoop her or him with your words, your thoughts, maybe some of the coping mechanisms you do and use to stay stuck or to quiet the noise and really speak love and light into that part of you and know that he or she has been afraid of the things that I said based on your enneagram type specifically. And that you know, you pulling that child up onto your lap and having a beautiful loving conversation with that part of you will move the needle a lot faster than any shame or procrastination or numbing that you can do. The thing is, is just like any relationship, the relationship with that part of you requires daily action. And any kind of relationship, whether it's with God, with a spouse, with a friend, with your children, it requires maintenance. And the more often that you can consistently lean into that part of you, it doesn't mean that that part of you won't be afraid and act out and have a tant from time to time. Mine's been having a tantrum this week for sure, lots of them. And instead of just like screaming at her, I've just gently pulled her up on my lap and said, I know that this is scary and I've Got you. And we have beautiful things to do in this world. And if we hide behind the fear, that won't happen. Your dreams, your desires are waiting for you. The people that you are here to serve. Whether it's through your business, your product, in your home, as a mother or a father. That is a powerful job and responsibility in this world. And it is not to be taken lightly. And when we don't show up in life as our very best self, everything suffers. And the things that we most desire get pushed to the side. And I don't want that for one more day for you. And honestly, I don't want it one more day for me. So this is this loving, tough as nails conversation that I want you to write down the things that you have been doing to cover up the fear that, that you have been using as an excuse maybe to not step forward in whatever that is. Whether it's love and, or dating or marriage, or letting go in relationships, or it's your health. Maybe you have been completely sabotaging and letting yourself go or numbing it out, or drinking too much. I've been hearing a lot of that lately. Or you've kept some friendships around a little too long because you've known them forever. Or maybe it's family. This is a big one for me. I've had to let a lot of family go and I love them very, very deeply and I've had to let a lot of them go. It's not received that way and it won't a lot of the time. But again, if you really are here to do what you say you want to do, then it requires some hard things. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And you know, with great reward comes great responsibility. And I know for myself and for you, because I'm listening to you, that you are tired of the same shit happening over and over. It's the same package, just different wrapping paper that keeps showing up. And this will be my call to you. I don't want you to get through the first quarter of 2022 and it feel like Groundhog Day again. I want you to start 2022 off equipped and armed with support. And it's funny that I talked about how I hide behind my one on one coaching. But that being said, that is what I wanted to talk to you about today. I have two spots, literally two spots. Because I have reduced the number of one on ones that I can take now because I am walking my talk and doing exactly what I'm telling you to do. I will never ask of you something that I am not doing myself. And I know that I have been able to walk a few solid people, a few hundred solid people through my one and one coaching over the last few years and really have watched them, you know, take their businesses to the multi seven figures as a result of some of this deeper work that affects everything. It all, it is all intertwined. And I am a business strategist as well. And so I can really help you take some of this crap that is showing up in all areas of your life and really help you tweak it so that you don't feel like you're wearing 800 different hats and, and you feel like a fraud or the imposter syndrome and all the things that you know, come up or you feel like if you're working on your business, then your family suffers or if you're, you know, being the best parent and spouse that you know, your business will suffer. You can have it all. You absolutely can have it all. And it's tweaking some of this stuff that you have used as excuses or whatever it is that will continue to keep you there. And I can help with that. Literally. Two spots. Two spots is all I have. And in 2022, those will become less and less as I build more things for more of you in a group setting. So if you have been called, if you are listening to this right now and you are tired of the same shit over and over and over again, or you keep throwing a bunch of crap at the wall, hoping something sticks, this is the call for you. It is time for you to go to traceyomally.com just freaking do it. Enough's enough. Enough's enough. I was at this point 10 years ago. And I'll finish with the story in a second, but I want you to go to traceyomalley.com, go to the work with me section, fill application, get on a call with me. This is the best investment you could make for your business for sure, for your family, for your health, for your soul. That is a promise I make to you. And I don't promise shit unless I mean it. So back to the story of my 5K run this morning. I did it with my son, which was amazing. And it was 10 years ago, exactly 10 years ago today, that I ran another Christmas fun run. And it was a 10k, though today was a 5k. Back then it was called the 10ks of Christmas. And I looked very, very cute. And Facebook memories was sure to tell me that I was so cute. Right? And if you were scrolling at the time. And if you knew me at the time, I looked like I had it all together and everything was just fine. Not everything was fine. Fine means feelings inside, not expressed. And I was white knuckling my life. And in fact, the night that picture and that run happened, I had one of the worst, the second to last, the second worst blackout I've ever had. And I did some really destructive things that day. And then, because the shame hit came the next day, you know, my two eating disorders were tag teaming me and it literally took me another year and a half to really pull it together. But I did it a year and a half later and you know, mind, body and soul, I started doing the work daily. And that is who you see today 10 years later. 10 years later. I was 40 years old at the time. And the good news for you is it doesn't have to take 10 years. I didn't have a me kind of holding my hand. I didn't have a me knowing the way, going the way and showing the way. I didn't have a me that was savvy in business and savvy at a soul level too. And I know that maybe you woke up this morning and although it may have not have been a blackout or you know, you jumping out of a car like I did that day, or maybe it's not even eating disorders or whatever else it is, but maybe you woke up this morning and you're tired of the same shit, now is the time to do something about it. I would be honored to walk a journey with you and take you into 2022 and quite honestly, with tools and wisdom that will help you really navigate the rest of your life with grace, with class, with you, living out the thing you desire and you deserve. You don't have to wait one more day, you guys. I can't believe that we have been together on this podcast for over two years now. I am so grateful for the evolvement of it, for your feedback in the podcast and telling me what you want to hear, what you love hearing, what you could do without. Quite honestly, I love hearing that too. Please if you have any suggestions for more topics and things that you want to hear specifically from me, you can always send an email over to inforaciomalley.com or you can hit me up in the DMS on Instagram @ tracyomalley. I would like love it if you shared this episode with maybe a friend or your audience that you know that there's yourself and many of you that are kind of telling yourself the same story over and over. It's time for it to stop. And I know that I want to go into 2022 really ready to, you know, walk that extra talk, right? I've been talking real big and now is the time. Now is the time. I am not into this new year, new me bullshit. I am not because you're setting yourself up. But I know that today day that you can take the bull by the horns and really make the change that you have said you wanted all along. And I would be honored to walk that with you. You guys, thank you so much for all your love, for your support, for your vulnerability, for your stories that you so elegantly tell me privately and sometimes here on air. It means the world to me that you allow me to help you step into the ultimate leader in your life. You guys, I will see you.

Soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomali. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomali.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.