EP209: The Enneagram Decoded: Why You Do the Things You Do, Even When You Know They Don’t Serve You

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Well, hello. Welcome to another episode. And today's gonna be a little special. I'm gonna call this one the Enneagram Decoded. Because as we're kicking off 2022, which is so crazy. Oh my gosh. I've worked all through the holiday season because I think this is the time that we really get reflective. We kind of assess what worked, what didn't, what we want to change. And it never fails. It never fails. We find ourselves doing certain things that frustrate the crap out of us and we know they're not serving us and we know what's going on. We see it's like we're having this out of body experience and we see ourselves doing it and yet we still freaking do it. And that can be really, really frustrating. And I am not immune to this. Thankfully, I walk my talk, so I am in my own work on myself daily. The tools that I bring to you, I use every single day. And so I can kind of catch it and understand where it's rooted in and have compassion for myself as it's happening now. All of those are really, really important. And I'm going to break it down by Enneagram type today because this is like the fast pass to getting past those frustrating things that you do that frustrate that aren't serving you. And you know, especially if you've done a lot of personal development, I find that this is where it gets even more frustrating because it's like, you know, like self awareness and bringing it to the surface is really, really great. But there's not a lot of people out there that are willing to show you how to navigate that. And it's too like cookie cutter and we just aren't cookie cutter. That's what I love about the Enneagram is it kind of breaks us down into nine different groups now. There's very grand uniqueness amongst those Enneagram types. But if you can kind of pinpoint it down to, like, what really motivates everything you do and what fear are you hiding behind? And a lot of these things that you're doing that you don't want to do, that don't serve, you are rooted in this fear. And when you have the proper Enneagram typing and you know that's where you always go, you won't be stuck in this cycle as long it's still going to happen, because we're freaking human beings. And as you elevate and grow and go next level, you know, there's another layer there that is kind of blinding sometimes. And for myself, you know, as an Enneagram 8, and I'll get into more of the Enneagram 8 a little bit later in the episode, but, you know, knowing that everything that I do is to prevent myself from being betrayed, violated, or put in a vulnerable situation, right? And my motive in pretty much everything I do is independence and autonomy and justice. And so when knowing that, like, even if, like, something random is kind of triggering me, if I kind of do the six degrees of separation, it's. It's still rooted in, oh, I feel like I'm about to be betrayed or violated or I want some autonomy, I feel like I'm being controlled. Right. And so when you understand this, it really makes it a lot simpler. It still doesn't mean it's without pain or frustration or disruption, because it. It really does. And this can be personally and professionally. And I've talked several times on this podcast and with friends and my fellow business peer groups about me and my business, this business. I've got several businesses, but this one in particular, you know, I want to be able to serve more of you. I really, really do. I mean, I am busy all the time, and it's great. I love what I do. That's the beauty in this. But I'm not making the impact I want. And I'm gonna go turn 50 here in a few months. And I want to be able to enjoy some of this later years in my life as an empty nester, right? But the vulnerability of putting a target on my back, so to speak, at least that's how an 8 would look at it, right? I like being under the radar, but I'm not able to do the things that I want to do professionally when I do that. And so I'm stepping into that. But knowing that instead of beating myself up like I'm lazy or I'm a piece of shit or God, I'm playing small or any of those things. No, no, no, no. With compassion I can identify. Ah, this is really vulnerable for me in a lot of ways. It may take away from the things I want to do. Especially in the more polarizing you are, and I'm pretty bold. The more polarizing you are, the more that you know. Betrayal and violation. I've had tons of friends exit scene this year, and that was not fun. Was it time? Sure, absolutely. But it was painful, right? So I know I'm up leveling and that's happening. And it feels very betraying and very violating. Even when I understand what's happening. Using the framework of the Enneagram really helps me with that now personally, because it's all intertwined. It's why really understanding this work really does affect your business. You can have all the strategy in the freaking world you want, but if you can't understand why you do what you do and what causes, doesn't matter how great the freaking strategy is personally or professionally. So personally. Enneagram8 betrayal and violation so you can see where this can hinder relationships, right? If I am always kind of having this energy, like I don't trust you and I have walls up, that robs you of intimacy. And intimacy is an even vulnerability exchange. And if there's only one person in the relationship that is like putting it all out there. And even though I can appear like I'm super vulnerable, I have to really check myself, you know, the relationships that I have in my inner circle today, friendship wise, my own children, even romantically, it requires a new level of vulnerability to have these next level kind of relationships that I have in my life. And that's also why, because that is how I'm showing up. That is also why those other friends probably exited scene because the rules changed of how I operate. And I understand that. But as much pain as that was, I didn't want to keep doing the same thing over and over and feeling like I'm not connected to anybody. I spent close to 50 years not feeling like I was really deeply connected to anybody. And so I wanted to share with you based on each Enneagram type, maybe some of the things that you do that are frustrating you even when you know they're not serving you and maybe how to course correct out of it quickly. You know, again, this. This is not something you're going to hear. One time it's like, yep, nailed it. Tracy. Got it. I am not going to bullshit you ever and say that it's just that easy. The awareness and understanding of it is really, really important. But information does not equal transformation. It's what you freaking do with it. And doing it one time doesn't work. You have to be consistent. You have to be continuous, and you have to be compassionate in this work. I've been at this for 10 years, at least, with the Enneagram, So I just really want to remind you that, you know, constantly just gathering information isn't serving you at all. You have to do something with it. And that's where I come in. I'd be happy to help you with that. All right. My Enneagram ones, you know, a lot of the things that you'll end up doing, you know, you guys are the masters of integrity and high standards, and we love you for it. We do. But one of the things that really get in the way, and I know it frustrates you even if you'll never say it, because Enneagram Ones, their fear is being wrong or bad, and they're very black and white thinking, if they're not great, they're terrible. If they're not right, they're absolutely wrong, even though, like, there could be some gray area in there. And because that is their biggest fear, you know, a lot of times they'll project and be more critical to other people. And when an enneagram one has, like, they're. They're right 99% of the time. Just let me tell you. I'm just going to say it right here. But the way that they express their righteousness, a lot of times will disconnect them from the very people that they love that they lead. And they'll get even more frustrated because people will just tune them out and they'll feel disrespected. And then what happens when that occurs is their inner critic gets out the megaphone and says, you're a piece of shit. And sometimes this perfectionism that they have can keep them stuck and not moving forward. You know, somewhere along the way, the Enneagram one picks up the message that you must be better than you are. You're an idealist at heart, so you believe that anything that's flawed can and should be fixed. And when you kind of have that energy that if it's flawed, it needs to be fixed, how that can make other people feel, you can see where this can do a hindrance on relationships. Now, the Enneagram 2, the helper, the Enneagram ones, I like to call them the improvers. They're also known as the Reformers. I like to call Them, the sheriff, because, you know, they're the straight shooting, tell it like it is, kind of black and white thinking, all right, My Enneagram twos, the helpers. The biggest fear for the Enneagram 2 is being unloved or unwanted by others. A lot of times, the two will fear relational tension, confrontation, and disappointing others. So saying no to somebody or being rejected are two things that an enneagram2 absolutely hates, because deep down, they just want to be loved. Also, Type Twos often believe the lie that says you aren't enough and that the only way to win love is to hide who you are. So that will cause sometimes an enneagram 2 to work to prove that they're worthy of love and never share what's going on inside. You know, raising an Enneagram to son, I tell him all the time, we cannot read your mind. You have to be using your words in real time, not when you're resentful and not when it's piled up, because then you lose credibility and trust because you've been, you know, building this case this whole time, right? And so enneagram2 sometimes may have picked up a message throughout life that naming your needs could lead to rejection. And so, you know, focusing on the needs of others so everyone can stay happy is important to you, right? But then what happens is if you lay down boundaries or you're not taking care of yourself, then you have resentment or. Or you might find that you're giving with this subconscious way to get in return, right? It's kind of this being unknowingly manipulative. And that's where codependency can kick in, right? So As a type 2, you may look for others to define who you are instead of allowing your inner knowing and the divine to define that for you. So just remembering that you are loved because you are you, not because what you do or not, you know, how big or how little you serve anybody. The really important thing for an Enneagram, too, is to say, can I get back to you in 24 hours? That will save you, because you're the yes people, right? So practicing solitude, your growth number is the enneagram 4. So that individualist is really important. So when you practice being alone, connect to what's going on in your own heart and learning to rest in who you most fully are. And ask yourself, what do you need right now? Right? Because you've learned to kind of shut it down a little bit. And so even if somebody asked you what you need, you'd be like, oh, Nothing. I got it right. And find somebody that really will listen to you. You know, you're usually the go to and you feel like you're taken for granted, even though you probably would never say it out loud. You know, finding somebody that you trust that you know when they tell you, well, you need to say no more often. And. And I know that inside of you like this, this need to be loved or your fear of not being loved can take over. But having somebody help you stay accountable in the boundaries will be huge for you. My enneagram 3's the Achievers. You know, the type 3's biggest fear is not being valuable. You fear underachieving and being unproductive and not making progress towards a. Deep down, a part of you believes that the only way you're worthy is in what you do achieve or how you appear. Enneagram theories believe the lie that says you have value because of what you do and how much attention you receive. Now, you know, The Self Preservation 3 can look a little bit different in this category, but it's really important that significance is still the main driver. Enneagram Threes fear anything that will cause them to feel worthless, which might be as simple as not checking everything off the to do list, right? Because of that fear, some habits can creep in and these are the things that drive you crazy. If you're an enneagram3, you can become hyper busy doing anything and everything, even projects that don't freaking interest you and that might bring you achievement and recognition. A lot of you have adapted your life to meet the expectations of others, which that's why you guys are most prone to burnout. You also will sometimes spend time curating your image to look like you have it all together. While you're busy doing all the things, you're also willing to quit projects you're not good at because those things will hurt your image and you stuff down the feelings in order to soldier on. And I've said this to a lot of Enneagram Threes and people that love or lead them is when they're struggling. Very rarely will you know it because they get praised so much for the doing that if an enneagram 3 goes dark, most often they'll say either I don't feel good, like they're sick, or they're taking a detox or, you know, it'll be some kind of thing that makes them look and appear like they still have it together and like it's an honoring thing because they. They just don't want to even connect to Like, I've done this, I've burnt out. Because that's just what they don't want to do, really. Practicing solitude will be important for an enneagram 3 as well. This is where intuition comes in. I'm doing a whole episode on, like, listening to your intuition, and it's usually in solitude that we connect to it. But I usually tell an enneagram3 that would you still do what you're about to do if nobody acknowledged it, appreciated it, recognized it, or measured it? I want to ask you, if you're an enneagram3, are there things that you would not do anymore if nobody ever recognized it, acknowledged it, or measured it? You'll be surprised how often you'll be like, yeah, no. And. And because you have a four wing, you know, that individualist, which I'm going to get to next threes. When you use that four wing as your final filter, like, is this really meant for me? Is this really what I want to do? If nobody else was watching, nobody was measuring? No. Like, nobody ever saw me doing this? Is this something I would really want to do? Because here's the thing, my threes is when you actually are passionate and believe in something, even something that isn't measured or acknowledged or recognized, you guys will crush it and win anyway. So there's that. All right. My Enneagram Fours, the individualist, sometimes known as the Romantics. The Enneagram four's fear is being abandoned and other by. By, you know, the divine and others, because you really are too much. You fear being misunderstood, dismissed and stereotyped. And deep down, an enneagram4 wants to be understood and loved for who they are. Type Fours feel like something is missing, that envy is their biggest vice, and that there's this underlying angst about what that could be. So it's like they can beat themselves up. This is why they can be more withdrawn. You know, some of the other types that kind of struggle with this are more aggressive or more out in the open with it. When an enneagram 4 is kind of in this, they can be either really emotional or really withdrawn, right? This comes from this. This fear that they. And this messaging that they really didn't belong somewhere as a kid. So how this shows up because of the fear of the enneagram 4, you might feel like you're too much, such as your frustration because of your idealism, angst about what could be, or envy about the deep and interesting in inner lives of others. It's like your big comparers, for sure. And you may even turn passive aggressive or manipulative to sustain relationships. Type Fours also might feel shame as you compare yourself to others and declare yourself lacking. So one of the things that an enneagram4 can do is they can be over givers. All of a sudden, their stress number is Enneagram too. And this is where, you know, you can see the passive aggressive and manipulation come in order to sustain relationships because there is an ulterior motive, like they're trying to find what's special about them all the time. It's like they're throwing shit up at the wall, hoping something sticks. So how to help you kind of quit doing this? My Fours remember that you are amazing for who you are. What we love about you is that you are unique and that you bring beauty and creativity and artistic everything to the world. You are the emotional, intuitive beings on all the Enneagram. You feel everything, and that is what we loved about you. It's also what can be torturous to you. Right. You know, there's a difference for an enneagram 4 between isolation and solitude. And an isolation is when the whipping stick and the comparison and shame and guilt come out. Solitude is where all the beauty and intuition which you are so gifted at can really beautifully come to the surface and then taking action on it. When an enneagram4 practices solitude, it can help you dial back your emotional energy. And it will also allow you to understand when it's important to turn it on. It will give you rest from your inner turmoil and a much needed break from your compulsion to, like, be understood. Yeah, Fours can be tortured. And they're also like, I'm in a relationship with a four. And it, it is frustrating when they get in that zone because, like, I can see the beauty in them. But when they don't feel like they're enough or it's like, what the am I here for? You know, what is special about me? You know, they can go dark on you. So, you know, if you love or lead in enneagram 4, it's going to be really. They're very emotional beings and this is their spiritual gift. And really reminding them that you love them no matter what is going to be really, really important, no matter how frustrating they are. Sometimes I love Fours. They bring beauty to the world. Enneagram Fives, the investigators. You know, the. The Fives fear that they won't be able to function successfully in the world. You know, being capable and equipped is really, really important. 5 sphere, being helpless, not having all the information and feeling out of control of their circumstances. Deep down, the Five wants to be capable and competent. Like I said, Fives often believe the lie that their worth is tied to their performance specifically, and having the right answers for every situation. You know, where they can be kind of like one, like, in that, like they need to know the things right. This wrong belief might be rooted in negative messages heard from a parent or a teacher who said that you don't have what it takes to be successful or. Or you aren't good enough to warrant praise or love. This is kind of where nature and nurture collide. Because of this fear, the Enneagram 5 withdraws from others. They're the most introverted on the Enneagram because they want to make sure they're capable and equipped. They kind of hoard their information and hoard their energy, and it robs them of some connection. Sometimes they'll also withdraw from others so that they can observe and retreat into their own mind, where they feel more capable emotionally. Fives withhold their energy and become angry at interruptions, and they can kind of deflect their. Their own needs, and they analyze everything, everything. You know, their gift is that they can disconnect from their emotions, and their kryptonite is also that they disconnect from emotions. And then they feel all alone, even though they like being alone. I love Fives. Love, love, love. Fives and I can look very Five like at times and. But they also, just like Eights, crave connection. Yet there's a big catch. If they actually connect, they're going to have to use up some of this energy, and that can, you know, make them feel like they're not going to be equipped or capable. So you can see kind of how that really can do a number on an enneagram 5. So four fives, they're going to always have a smaller circle, but find one or two people that, you know, really appreciate your need for solitude, but also get you out of your comfort zone a little bit. You know, the growth number of the enneagram 5 is an 8. So standing up for a good challenge is. Is beautiful when an enneagram 5 can do that. All right, The Sixes, the Loyalists. Bottom line, fear is that everything will go wrong. They're the worst case scenario. Thinkers fear trusting others and not having guidance or support.

Sixes, more than any other Enneagram type, wants security and certainty. Therefore, fear rises when things are lacking like security, support, and reassurance. That's why they have questions in the world, in the unpredictable and uncontrollable nature of life. The Inner Doomsday committee spins out worst case scenarios for you all day long. And this makes you doubt yourself and fear of picking the wrong next step to take. And this is really, really important. So, like, it takes a while for an enneagram 6 to trust somebody and vet people. You know, this is really important in business and in personal relationships. And when they finally feel like, okay, I've. I can trust them if they get blindsided. My best friend's a six, and, you know, she runs everything through me as far as, like, people because I just happen to see things a little bit different. Or I will tell her I'm like, that person's a con. That's. That's our big running joke, right? Is being able to identify that. And then if an enneagram 6 gets blindsided, then they even start doubting themselves more. More, right? So a lot of times because of this fear, the Sixes worry a lot. Tend to make a plan A, then plans B through Z just in case. And this can be very distracting. It will also bankrupt you energetically. Seeking control and overthinking situations can be a lot for certain people, especially people who haven't done their own work. So remember that you are safe. You know, I was having a talk with somebody today that's a six, and I'm like, what can you control right now? What can you take off your plate when your head is spinning? Practicing silence, right? Pray for guidance and wisdom that when life happens. When life happens, that you are given the wisdom and the grace to deal with it, you know, because just wanting nothing to go wrong is. That's impractical because this is life, all right? My type 7s, the enthusiasts. The underlying fear for an enneagram 7 is pain and not having options. Missing out on new experiences, being put in a box, not getting to do all the things, getting trapped by routine. Deep down, the Enneagram 7 wants to be content and happy. And somewhere along the way, this seven heard or experienced the message that you are on your own, that no one was available or willing to help you, and you created this own kind of magical, adventurous world. And how this shows up because of your fear. You're constantly busy, which makes you tired. And you'll put up with the exhaustion that comes from doing all the things because that seems more palatable than you experiencing the pain and ache inside. This is why, like, when a 7 is kind of feeling their uncertainty, right, that's where they will kind of look like they're all over the place. And they'll be going through their phone. Who can I call? Who can I call? What can I do? What can I do to avoid that pain? Pain, right. A lot of times this will also lead an enneagram7 to not follow through on commitments because you don't want to be pinned down, right? And so that's where you can get the bad rap of being a little flaky. However, at the other extreme, Sevens may excessively plan to ensure there's always a fun experience right around the corner. Like the Sevens that have their weekend completely booked solid, so there's no kind of room for any kind of Debbie Downer vibes to creep in. So, again, practicing solitude is important. This is again where your intuition can really come to the surface. And the growth number for the Enneagram 7, ironically, is the 5. They go from the most extroverted to the most introverted. And that's going to take practice and consistency and compassion. But the solitude and silence gives you rest from the mental activity of thinking about the future. This is also where, you know, you guys are the most visionary and innovative on the Enneagram. And you can't just throw the seeds out and then hope that they all kind of grow. You have to build a container and an environment that the seeds can take root. Your innovative, visionary seeds. And that can really happen in solitude. So turning off that noise so you can hear your own intuition, this is where the magic happens. For a seven, we know you don't want to miss out and you don't like being pulled in too many directions. So really asking yourself, like, if you had only one egg, which basket would you pick in? Pick, pick. To put it in, right? I like to tell the Sevens, I promise you, you'll get to do all the things you want to do. You will be multi passionate. You'll probably have, you know, version 20.0 before you're done with this life. And that's okay. You don't have to pick one thing. But what I'll usually tell an enneagram7 is pick one thing right now. Just right now, right? And then we can move on to something else later. I promise. We are not putting you in a box. We are not caging you in. Okay? My Enneagram Eights, my fellow Eights, our underlying fears. Being betrayed, violated, controlled, hurt. We don't like vulnerability. We don't like clingy people. We don't like sharing our needs and connecting with others. But deep down, Enneagram Eights really want the relational confidence that we can trust and Be trusted. If somebody questions when I say I'm going to be there for them, that really is triggering for me. It's like, what do you mean? What do you mean? Don't you dare? Don't you dare. Right? But we also want to be able to. We really do want to be able to believe that somebody could actually be there for us. Now, will we ever let anybody. It's pretty hard. It's pretty hard. Why this happens, you know? Where nature and nurture Collide for an 8 is the eights often believe the lie that we are what we do. Somewhere along the way, the eight has picked up the message that the world is a tough place where only the strong survive. And, you know, where the enneagram one puts everything in the category of good, bad, right or wrong. The twos are like, you're lovable or you're not. The threes, are you valuable or you're not. The eights put everything into the category is it weak or strong? And there's not a lot of gray area. So it's why the eights are very mistyped on the enneagram, because that strength and that bravado really can kind of, you know, be out there. But it's true. I remember the moment that I decided, you know, I'm wired this way naturally. But I very distinctively remember the moment that I said, if I'm going to survive, I need to be the strong one always. So, yeah, you can see where this robs you of intimacy, though. You know, if you're always armored up all the time, yeah, you will be safe behind it, but you also will block out the very thing that you want. So how this kind of shows up for the eight, and it's very frustrating. Even when I know why it's happening, it still does happen. Because we're humans, right? Because of the fear, Eights can push our body to exhaustion. I was talking to a friend earlier today about the forced reprieve that an enneagram 8 sometimes is forced to deal with. We don't necessarily need to be in charge, but we need to know that the person that's in charge can handle it. And if we don't believe they've got it, then we do take over. And that can be very aggressive and bully. Like, it can be also kind of rude and intense. Eights can also create drama and thus lose their emotional connections with others. And this is very true. Like, an 8 can thrive when things are tumultuous and intense. I mean, eights eat intensity for breakfast, and sometimes we'll just kind of create drama because we also know we can grow from that. But then it, you know, we leave some wreckage behind us. So really leaning into the vulnerability, it's going to be really hard for all my Eights out there. This is going to feel so painful. Using your wings will be really, really important to get to that healthy too. Because if you really do want connection and intimacy with another human being, it vulnerability is required and there is risk there. And let's be real Eights, you're the strongest on the Enneagram. You'll be okay. And finally, the Enneagram Nines, the peacemakers. Oh, I love the Enneagram Nines, especially when they're healthy because they're one of the hardest, the Nines. And the Ones are some of the hardest to pull out of their old behaviors because it's so ingrained in them. The Nines underlying fears, being separated and out of harmony with others. Right? The fear of loss, unresolved conflict, relational tension. Expressing your own ideas, dreams, opinions and saying no. Deep down. All the enneagram9 wants is to feel at peace. The problem is a lot of time they'll make short term decisions that affect them long term in a way that really doesn't do well with their career, their relationships, anything, right? Why this happens. Type Nines often believe the lie that they are what they do. And what you do is to keep everything swimming along, right? Keeping peace and harmony, right? There's a big difference between keeping the peace and making the peace. Making peace is a beautiful like, you know, love, deeply challenge, directly. Keeping the peace is, you know, sacrificing yourself and saying that your opinions and thoughts and needs don't matter, right? Somewhere along the line, the harmony in the environment was made way more important. And literally the Nines have learned to not give a shit or desire anything. And it's wise. Stonewalling can happen. The passive aggressive stubbornness can happen and that will destroy relationships. It can feel very abandoning because of this fear. The Nines are the most likely of all the types to self forget, right? You can forget your own priorities, your own thoughts and goals. You will disengage from people and your emotions instead of participating or engaging in confrontation and conversation. So although for sure, short terms for, for the short term, this does kind of like give you harmony in the long game. This really does not serve you. And I know you know this, but you keep doing it. We all have to think about the long game here. It's also hard for the Nines to get started on projects because you're deflecting your own priorities. Right? This is why a 9 can get very sidetracked very, very easily. They. They can get squirrel like they can be doing one thing and the next thing you know, they open up the junk drawer and it's being cleaned out. And it's not at all doing what they were intending to doing, intended to be doing. It's crazy where nines can be passive aggressive, ambivalent and have trouble making decisions. You know, a lot of their life, they feel, even if they're not aware of this, they feel like they've been taken one for the team to keep the peace and have harmony. That when they're suggested to do something or given a deadline, they will get very stubborn and passive aggressive in stonewalling. The nines want to believe that all is well. And as a result, nines end up engaging in numbing behaviors. And they're one of the more withdrawn types is too. So really leaning into that intuition. There's a difference between, like I said, keeping the peace and making the peace. The divine, whatever you choose to call it, God, the divine, the universe. I believe that divine presence is an enneagram9, the ability to love deeply and challenge directly. That is what creates harmony for all of us. You know, when we don't have our thoughts and opinions. My enneagram nines, or use your voice, you actually are enabling. You aren't creating harmony. You're creating enabling. And I know that that for the long game, is not what you want to do, right? So you can see. And especially the older you get and the more personal development you do, this can get really frustrating because you see what's happening. It's like, I know what the hell I'm doing. Why am I still doing this? The most important thing I will say, first of all, compassion. If you pull out the shame stick, it doesn't matter. The shame stick will destroy anything good in its path. Okay. Understanding that a lot of this, where nature and nurture collided was when you were a child will be another thing. If you haven't listened to my last episode on how this inner child is really affecting your business, I highly recommend you go listen to that. Because where nature and nurture collided and your enneagram type really started to express itself in a certain way. It was born in this childlike nature in this childlike environment. So I know that most of you are really, really good people. All of you are good people, right? And you would never take a shame stick to a kid. So when these things Come up for you if you recogn that it's just this little kid in you that is afraid of whatever your Enneagram type sphere is and meeting it with compassion and some consistency will be really, really important. Now, if you're not quite sure of what your Enneagram type is, those online assessments, I've told you before, 65 to 70% of the time they're inaccurate. I am working on something right now for you to be able to be accurately typed without doing a one on one session with me. Although those are great, but stay tuned. I'm working on something very, very special for all of you to be able to get yourself typed without the investment of spending 90 minutes with me. But I will say this, those 90 minutes are probably the most seen, heard and understood you will ever feel. I've heard it from hundreds and hundreds of people that I have spent the time with doing live typing sessions with them. This is how you get the accurate information and then the tools and integration techniques and how to, to really apply this to your life. I am still doing those currently. You can go to traceyomalley.com the work with me section to book that. I'm telling you, I've had people do this. They're like, I have done 10 years of therapy and in 10 years of therapy, I never got what I just got out of 90 minutes with you. So you'll have your correct enneagram type, which is important if you're going to use this beautiful tool to help you, which is in 22 years of personal development, this is the number one tool I've used besides my faith. Okay, but my faith and understanding this information and integrating this information is like the perfect storm. Okay? So book that session with me if you know, you really want to deep dive into all those, all these tools. I'm currently still doing the Enneagram experience, which is the typing session, plus five extra sessions to really dive into all parts of your life and how to use this. Whether it's in parenting, relationship, marriage, business, we do all of it. It's amazing. And if you want everyday access to this information every single day, a direct line to me. I am currently still only taking applications for maybe one, possibly two people. If the right people show up. That's by application only. All these can be found@tracyomalley.com the work with me section. Ah, I love this. And if this was an episode that you needed to hear, share it with a friend. You know, take a screenshot right now and share it with somebody who needs to to see it or share with me what you learned from this that maybe you didn't know or ask me, like, okay, this is what keeps happening for me. How do I really break out of this? With compassion and love? Because seriously, when we can kind of with love and compassion, check ourselves. I mean, think about it as a kid when you were riding a bike and you fell off of it. If somebody told you you're a piece of shit, you'd never get back up on that bike again. And you'd be missing this miracle of riding on two wheels, Right? This is no different. I want you to keep getting back up on the bike and I would be honored to hold the back of the seat until you can fly on your own. You can find me on Instagram at Tracy Underscore o' Malley I would love to to hear what you would love to hear more of on this podcast, the Leadership Formula. And if I have provided some value and some aha moments in your life, if you could take just 60 seconds to pop on over and leave a review and however many stars you see fit, that would mean the world to me. And as an enneagram8, it's hard for me to ask for anything. So I'm saying it. I'm getting better at it. I'm learning to lean in myself. So it's one of the things that frustrates me about myself is not saying, hey, could you help me here? All right, until next time, you guys, my goal is to help you become the ultimate leader in your life.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

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