EP212: Client Spotlight with Steph Purdy—Slowing Down to Speed Up with a Feisty Enneagram 3

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

All right, you guys, we are having one of your favorite kind of episodes today. You guys love client spotlights because I know a lot of you are lookie loose and you're like, okay, I like the Enneagram. I like all that. But, you know, I know there's more to what she does than just the Enneagram stuff. And it's true. You know, when I. I've been using the Enneagram in my own personal life for 10 years. In. For 10 years, except I didn't start talking about it publicly till about five years ago. And so obviously, I've got a lot more skills than just the Enneagram. But I have found that, you know, when you hear in personal development land, you got to do the work, you got to do the inner work, a lot of people don't even know what the hell that is, right? And I get it. At my age, you know, I'm a first generation personal developer. You know, anybody 40 and over, we didn't have parents that were exposed to this or on board with it. And I know that for somebody of that age to hear, you got to do the work, we're like, I've been working my whole damn life. Like, what do you mean, do the work? And that's what I loved about the Enneagram. It was really this gateway into the real work that you need to do in order to be the ultimate leader in your life, professionally and personally. And today, I am bringing you one of my favorite favorite clients. She's probably the best student of all that I've ever had. She's an enneagram3. So big shock there that she's the best at something, right? But, you know, our journey started with the Enneagram, and her and I were just chit chatting. And I think this conversation is really, really important because I know I have a lot of high achievers that listen And a lot of you, especially enneagram3women, are sort of afraid to do this inner work because it might slow you down, it might decrease your productivity. You might be exposed at having a flaw, which God forbid anybody ever saw that you had a weakness. Right. And so I really thought it was going to be important to bring not just a live typing session of an enneagram 3, but the deep inner work. We've been working together. Was it Steph? Like two years, two and a half years now.

Crazy. And it did start with just the Enneagram stuff at first. And obviously we dove a little deeper. And this last year, we've gone and done the deep dive. You know, when I talk about my one on one private coaching, this girl did two rounds of it. So of course, the high achiever that she is, she one upped everybody and did two rounds of it. So my dear Steph Purdy, she is a Canadian as well, which all my Canadians out there, I love you. Thanks for making me in the top 100 on entrepreneur list on the podcast. So I appreciate you. So we got some fellow Canadians. Steph. Hi. How are you?

I am so honored to be here. I can't lie. Like, I'm. I was good until Tracy was like, okay, well, you're ready. And then I just said, I'm not nervous. And now I'm. Anyway, I'm good. So happy to be here.

And she is probably one of my most loyal podcast listeners long before, like I ever said, hey, do you want to be on the show? She's listened, I think, to every episode I've ever done, which, you know, I appreciate that. I appreciate the trust that you've had in me. You know, we are in around the same age range, and I know at our age, it's really hard to peel back the layers and, you know, look behind the curtain, so to speak, especially as an enneagram 3 who is established very well, very highly professional, highly respected in the business land. You're a mother, you're a wife, you're a daughter, you're a sister, which comes with a whole other sort of, kind of mixed bag of stuff. Right.

So that's a whole other episode.

Yeah, we'll save that for another day. But there's a lot that, you know, when we do this work that we have to kind of, in order to just achieve like you like to do, you know, threes love to measure everything. And this is kind of where we butt heads along the way is because you want to know that you did it right and it's like, honey, I hate to break it to you, but we're never done, just so you know. And that was a really hard thing for you to come to terms with as an enneagram 3 and this high achieving woman, but kind of taking them back two and a half years. What was it about maybe even working with me or what intrigued you about the Enneagram initially? Because that's kind of how we got introduced, wasn't it? Or did you hear me on a friend's podcast? I think maybe yes.

I initially was introduced to you through Rob Murgatroyd. So it was on Rob Murgatroyd's podcast. And I went home and immediately looked you up on Instagram. And there was one picture in particular where you are hugging Joey. And it is just this beautiful picture. And that picture, see, I am going to get emotional already. We haven't even started. That picture really spoke to me. And then reading the caption of what you wrote and how the Enneagram made such an impact in your relationship with your kids.

In that moment, it was like, okay, I have to reach out because I have a child so different from me. And I had recognized that I was starting to parent and bless my parents. They did the best that they could, but I was parented very much with the. Because I'm your mom. And I said so. And I still believe there's a little bit of a time and a place for that. However, it was really recognizing that Andy's not wired the way I'm wired. And I wanted to learn to be able to communicate with my child. And that was really what spurred my initial. So it was like, okay, so, you know, teach me. Everything you can teach me, you know, was how I entered into this with you initially. So, of course, you start with the typing session and that first hour and 15 minutes or whatever that you and I spent together. I remember vividly saying to you when it was all done, that, holy cow. Like, I'm a girl that's had some therapy in my life. And that hour and 15 minutes or whatever with you, I learned more about myself. I had more takeaways than I'd had in years of, of therapy combined. And as Tracy shares, it's so true. She. It's like she sees inside you and it's, it's. It's amazing. I was in.

I love that. And especially Enneagram Threes. I've said this before on the podcast. I usually have. There's usually one of two reactions that I get from Enneagram Threes. It's like you. They're like, oh, my gosh, you see me and all of me, and, you know, it's without judgment and with nothing but compassion and love. And so it's like a magnet. And then there's the Enneagram 3 that's not ready to face that, and they run like hell from me. So when I have an enneagram3 that is like, yes, I know that we're gonna make some beautiful things happen. And. And you did. And those first few sessions that we did, I mean, you were, like, all about it. And then we started diving into your life, like you said, with. With Andy and your husband and business, and you're like, holy crap, there's a lot of stuff here that this can actually help. And. And I remember you wanting your whole family to do a typing session with me. And I was like, listen, I get that. But there's a beautiful, elegant way to kind of have them on board. And in her house, she's a three, and she's married to a nine, and she has a five child. Right. So you can see very, very different from the highly assertive three. She's got two more withdrawn types that kind of just, you know, she doesn't get the feedback that A3 really, really wants. Right. And so makes me crazy. Yes, I get it. I'm dating a more withdrawn type, and it drives me freaking nuts. And I also love it because it makes me slow down a little bit, which you have the same thing. Absolutely. So, thankfully, because of the work, she was walking her talk. The next thing you know, we've got Andy and her husband kind of doing typing sessions with me. And it really was beautiful. They were both super transparent and vulnerable and honest with me, and so really working with the entire family, you know? And it also gave me insight onto what Steph was dealing with. And. And so when her and I decided to move forward, I knew exactly the characters in this. Right. Which was beautiful. Now, I know those of you listening really want your whole family on board. You have to kind of walk your talk in this work for anybody to be on board. Because if you just go and say, hey, I want you to do this with Tracy, they'll be like, yeah, go fuck yourself. Like, seriously, I don't know who this Tracy is, and whatever, I don't want her to do some voodoo crap on me, and, you know all that. So you are a true testament to walking the talk in this work for both people that you live with to say, hell, yes, I'm here for it. And anything to support you and us as a whole. It's been beautiful. So we go through some of the Enneagram stuff, and then there comes a point where you decide, this has been great. I've learned a lot about myself. I know how to use my wings, sort of. I know my growth number. I know my stress number and all of that. Like, and we were integrating a lot of it in your life. And that's what I've said about the Enneagram.

It's.

It's not complicated, but it is complex. Right. And to use it day in and day out, it's kind of like when you go to the gym for the first time. We don't go to the gym and just like, win the Olympics tomorrow. Right. And I think as a three, you wanted to know all the things and then go out and crush it.

100%. Right? Have I got it yet? Do I have it? Am I good?

Oh, my gosh, yeah. The number of times I heard you say, I don't know if I'm doing it right. And I remember always telling you, there is no rule book in how to do this. And the work never ends. And you're willing. You're willing to kind of own your part always, and look at your role in everything. And that was kind of the deal with you and I. Now there came a point somewhere along the line where you were like, okay, this is good. I'm onto something here. And I knew I needed to go deeper. What was kind of going on for you, personally and professionally, that you felt like this needed to go a little deeper?

My fascination. Kind of like you, right? It was like that initial, like, oh, there's something amazing about this. And. And when I sink my teeth into something, it's like, I want it all. And as much as I loved our, you know, because I signed up for the, you know, the five pack, you know, the five pack of sessions or whatever, but I.

The Enneagram experience.

Yes. Sorry.

That's okay.

And I would, you know, just use a session here and there. But I will admit I didn't fully grasp it back then to the degree so I wasn't implementing it like I was, but I wasn't. And I kept listening to the podcast, and just one day, I think it was you talking about, you know, this one on one experience, and I literally had a physical reaction to it. And I was like, okay, like, I got to do this. And like, okay, like, it's time. Like, enough of this, as your best friend Tiffany says, like, enough toe dipping. Right? Like, stop Toe dipping. Because too, I had worked with some other coaches too, over these last couple years as well. Right. So I was trying to do all the things right. But then it was like, no, what she tells you, it's so true until you get right with yourself. Like, not that I wasn't. I've been very successful in my life. I've done a lot of great things. But when you want to go to that next level, when you want more and new things and different things, and you then have to change. This is what it was for me.

You know, I think what you said was so great. Like you have had tremendous success and the next level requires a next level version of yourself. And it's not necessarily that you need to change. I think what we just need to shift how we express who we are. Right. In order to elevate ourselves and the relationships that we want to call in, whether it's business partnerships, friendships, you know, whatever that looks like. And the benefit of doing the one on one with that everyday thing. I mean, talk about accountability. Talk about accountability. And you, more than anybody I've ever worked with, really utilized that daily phone a friend thing, you know? Cause we use the Marco Polo app and it really allowed you to not only build the muscle of your expression in the healthiest way and owning your part and making the actual moves like you built the muscle and then you were flexing it at the same time. And I think so often when we hire other coaches that are great and great strategists, and I'm a great strategist too. Like, seriously. But if you don't have the consistency of building a muscle that is brand new to you, eventually you'll pick up the old tools and the old patterns and the old habits. And that's why so much of what other people have taught isn't sustainable for you or other people.

Well, I think for me, I've been a coach my whole life. I was a figure skater as a child and part of my skating experience was they encouraged older skaters to start teaching younger skaters as a volunteer thing. And then when I was 18, I became a professional skating coach and went on with that for many, many years. So I have this coaching background as well as that athletic background too, where like you don't just go out and do the double flip or the double axle or whatever once and like there, no, you have to practice it over and over and over again. But it's, it's that checking in. You know, I used to check in with my coach with technique and stuff like that. So to me, you know, I remember saying to you, like, why, why wouldn't I? Like, I'm. I'm paying good money here and I want the most out of this, right? And why wouldn't I use this every single day? Like, to me, I couldn't imagine. Not right? That's the way I'm wired.

Well, yes, you did utilize it every day, but you also were really hard on yourself when it wasn't sticking. Always. Right. Like, you didn't always stick the landing when you're doing the double axle. But for whatever reason, and I was talking to somebody the other day and especially like, you know, we're recording this and it's going to air in January, like, for whatever reason, the first one two weeks of January, everybody's like, positive and like, yeah, I'm going to crush it. And then we get to the third and fourth week of January and like, what the fuck? Why hasn't I made the decision January 1st? Why has it not happened and accelerated at the pace in which I made my decision? And I think so often, especially when it comes to the emotional work that's required for sustainable success and sustainable fulfillment and joy and all the things I think once we raise. I'm super guilty of this. When I make a decision, I want it yesterday. I get really, really frustrated when I have made the decision. Things are changing and it doesn't happen as fast as my decision happened. How did you navigate that? Because I know there's a. You've been through and worked with a lot of coaches and this has been a complaint or, you know, like, things didn't happen fast enough or, or whatever. How did you surrender that? Like, this is going to take a while. Like, it didn't take 50 something years to get here or it took 50 something years to get here. It's not going to take five minutes for me to get out of this.

I think that came out of the fact that you continue to say to me and again, really fully surrendering to the experience. And you, you kept saying to me, steph, we got to slow you down. The biggest thing with three. And I kept. I had heard it even you saying that before you and I started working together. So I knew it wasn't something you just pulled out, you know, specifically for me either, but it was, I got to slow you down. I got to like, we're going to slow you down in order to speed you up.

Oh, my God. That pissed you off so much. You're like, I don't understand what this means.

And you're not the only three. Like, threes hate this. They. They hate when I say that.

Until. Until I actually did it and. And then started to realize, like, oh, like, life didn't have to be that hard. So, like, I. I have a mug that's a dear friend of mine bought for me, and I love that mug forever. And no disrespect to her, but, like, I want to break it. And it's. The mug says, good things come to those who hustle. And I was. I was like the hustler, right? Like, it. Hustle was a word I used a lot in my coaching. Like, I coached power skating to hockey players, and it was all about hustle. And I hustled and I wore busy like a badge of honor because that made me important. Busy made me important. Oh, well, once you slow down.

And it also made you burn out.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I burnt out for the first time. Oh, God. Mike and I were first married. Like, the poor guy. I was working 12 to 14 hour days because what happened is the company I worked for, they compared me to somebody that had sort of the same title, you know, in a completely different city on the other side of the world to complete. Like, they weren't even remotely the same neighborhoods, demographics, any of that. But it's like, oh, you're going to challenge me? Oh, you know, and I'm not going to back down from that challenge. So I burnt myself out. I literally could not get out of bed one morning, and, you know, there I am at the doctor with the stress note, and then in all my three nests. So I realize now, buried in shame, like you wouldn't believe. And I remember Mike and I, when we left the doctors, we went out for lunch, and I sat across from. At the table and I said, don't you dare. You don't say a word of this to anybody. You tell your mom and dad. Like, I was like, I threatened his life because I was so ashamed, because I. I thought I was weak. Everything I was taught, you know, I was raised by business owners. My dad's a commercial fisherman. And, you know, I look at my dad at 83 years old with his broken body because all he did was work and work and work, because that's. That's what you did. Nobody went for massages. Nobody went to the chiropractor back then. And I admire my dad so much that I emanated that. And. And that's what I wanted to be. And I wanted to carry on that pretty legacy, so to speak, and make my dad proud. Because I make my dad proud by working.

That's how you got approval and attention.

And acceptance until I couldn't get out of bed. And. Yeah, but then I didn't learn from it. You keep repeating the same.

You repair. If you don't repair it, you repeat it. Right. One of the things about being a three that we've talked extensively about is like that stress number, that nine where you become sloth. Like, and I think you just sharing what you said, sitting across from Mike after the doctor's appointment about, don't you dare tell anybody. So for those of you that love or lead a three, when they go into their stress number of nine, very rarely will you ever see it because they bury themselves in shame. And they'll use it as, I'm just tired, I don't feel well, I. I'm sick. Because they don't want to tell the truth, that they've actually burned themselves out. And sometimes you're not even conscious of it. Right. Or the self honoring processes of, you know, what you fuel your body with, kind of go to the crapper, you know, the emotional eating, the closet eating and things like that. And then the shame cycle. Right. So. And because you, you have this image to maintain that you can handle and be the best at everything, it creates this shame closet that you kind of hide in too.

Yep. Mine's well furnished.

Isn't it crazy? But I love that you have in understanding that nine part of you instead of hiding out in it. You have been very vocal, not just with Mike and Andy, but also with some friends and co workers. Like, the more vulnerable and the more that you've leaned into this, the more that I see shame residing a lot less in you. Would you agree with that?

Yes, yes, absolutely. But it's funny because I remember you. It was before we were working intensely with one another. It was one of our sessions. And I remember you said to me, do you have somebody that you can reach out to in real time? And I remember saying, oh, yeah. Like, you know. And then when I really started to understand what that was meant, I was like, nope. Because you called me out on it once we started working intensely together and you're like, no, no, no, Steph. You like to like, shine it all up, have it all figured out, make it like, tie it up in the boat and then you'll talk about it, but you don't want to talk about it when it's messy. And it was like, oh, yeah, right. But I didn't even know what that I really didn't Know what that meant? I didn't know what true vulnerability really, really was.

I get it, sister. Like, you know, this is the thing with, you know, the way social media is today. Like, just because we can tell a very emotional, inspiring story doesn't mean we're vulnerable. Right? That's just kick ass storytelling and marketing. Quite honestly, what's real vulnerability is in real time when we haven't figured it out, when we haven't polished it up and packaged it up, and we don't know how it ends when we lean in. That's real vulnerability to another human being in real time. Holy crap. Very hard for a three and an eight to do for very different reasons. But obviously watching you do that, that's where freedom comes. And that's when you realize I've just slowed down to speed up. That's what that means, is like if I slow down enough to feel my feelings, all the shit that I'm trying to accomplish really does get a lot easier. And you don't care so much what everybody else freaking thinks.

You got it.

How beautiful was that to. You know, one of the things that I think this is really important to talk about because this was a really big thing for you and it is for a lot of people out there, not just threes, but especially in this online kind of business space and the world of the highlight reels is I remember there were moments that you would, you know, totally call yourself out. You're like, I am being so freaking judgmental and jealous. And I feel like they don't deserve the praise that they're getting. What was that about for you? Because I know that even though we're happy for other people and we do like, we, we're cheering people on and even people we don't know very well or even people we do know, we're cheering them and cheering them in. And then there's some days where we're like, envy, jealousy, a little bit of the judgy stuff comes up. When were you able to discern what that was about and what did you do about that? This is a big one for you.

I'm trying to think of a specific situation there. The main thing that's coming to the forefront of my brain with what you're saying here was you helping me realize that somebody beside me, let's say, is getting attention or praise or accolades or, or recognition. It doesn't, it doesn't mean that I'm.

Less than or that I takes away from you.

Correct? Yes. That, that's, that's a better Way to say it. See, already that's hard for me. That's even hard for me to say here. That's. That's really. You know, so it's like, damn it, she's going there.

Yeah. But, you know, here's the thing. Like, that's a three thing anyway. A three wants to be the star of the show. It doesn't mean they can't cheer on other people, but we want everybody to remember who the real star is. And, you know, that's a three thing. Plus, when we. This is the beauty of the enneagram when nature and nurture collide. Because growing up the way that you did, like, when somebody else got more attention, it did take away from you, and especially when they didn't earn it like you did or didn't work as hard for it as you did. Right? And so throw your threeness on top of the situation and the instincts that you have from what you grew up with, it's like this perfect storm of, like, envy and jealousy. And then you start judging yourself, and you're like, why am I being such a bitch about this? Like, they deserve it. They're working hard. But that inner child in you really was like. Little Steph was like, what the actual fuck is going on?

This is not fair. And that's the biggest thing there is. It's that realization, you know, as you say it all the time, it's that toddler. It's the toddler in me that's having the temper tantrum, right? Because my adult brain gets it. But there was still this thing going on inside of me, and, like, there was turmoil. And again, who am I going to say that to? I don't want to admit that to anybody. I don't want. I don't want to admit that to anybody that I feel that way and that I'm thinking that or. Yeah, not. Not at all. And again, like you said, it's. It's not so. Like, something as silly as. So I live in a small community, and one of the ways to give back to my community was I started helping out coaching. Like, I became a hockey coach. I went from, you know, so. And I. I learned a lot about the game, and. And I loved every minute of my time with those boys. And. Could I teach a kid a slap shot? No, but I could teach a kid about good character and how to be a good human being and how to respect others and, you know, so I brought what I could bring to the table to hockey and then surrounded myself with really good guys, you know, for the game aspect. But when it came time, you know, to step away from that, I got recognized and whatever. But then I remember, like, the next year, because I'm on the board for our hockey, too. So somebody else who had done, you know, in my brain, like. Like, that's all they did, you know, and then. And the president of the board was making this big deal about this per. And I'm like, you know, over here going, like, okay, like, I gave nine years of my, you know, and like, I did admit that to somebody, but, like, I just felt like such a dick. Like, I felt like such a dick for feeling that way. So trying to unpack all of that. So, yeah, there's a little redheaded toddler inside of me.

But like you said, you said that so beautifully, like you're feeling it happen inside of you. But who the hell are you going to tell that to? That maybe they'll judge me. Maybe they'll think I'm a real dick. Maybe. And so then we bury ourselves in shame and the hustle and the do and the like. I'm going to one up this person over here. Since I'm clearly not doing it over here, I'm going to go one up somebody else over here.

Right?

And it keeps that cycle going. Now, you are also a very professional businesswoman, too. You've got a couple businesses. How has our work together made an impact on your businesses as well? I mean, we did all this, a lot of it, during COVID too. And threes are the masters of pivoting. And in Canada, on top of it, like, you've had to be very creative in how you navigate this in your business sense.

That's right. Well, the one business I've had now, it'll be. It's almost 10 years. And your statement of high involvement, low attachment has been huge for me because I work with clients on a one on one basis, and I've taken all the courses and I've got all the certifications and I know all the stuff. And from the bottom of my guts, I want to do whatever I can to help anybody that I work with or anybody that I come in contact with. If I got something to offer, I want to give it. But then it's. You had to teach me that. But Steph, like, until they're ready, right? Because I can turn myself inside out and do the backflips and stand on my head and. But I can't do it for them. So in that one business, I, in a lot of ways, was driving myself crazy because you know, somebody maybe would disappear or somebody wouldn't see it through or. And again, I was taking a lot of the ownership of that on myself. And it wasn't mine to carry. So high involvement, but you can't be attached to the outcome. That's huge.

Yeah, I remember. I mean, remember specifically, and this was a ha ha moment in talking about that. I remember you saying, and this happens a lot for threes and eights and a lot of different types. Not just a three thing, but they just don't want it bad enough. And I remember saying to you, well, that's probably not true. I mean, because usually, you know, we don't sign up for shit unless we want it bad enough. The fact is, is when hard things come, we may not have the right coping skills in order to navigate it. Right. And for a lot of us, this. When we hear they didn't want it bad enough, it just sends us more down. Shame. And you too. I mean, we do it to ourselves, let alone, like, verbalize it to people that we lead or love. Right. Like, we can even do this about people we love. What are some of the blind spots that you never used to notice before that you do now? Like, and you can move through them blind spots or the things that used to trip you up and spin you out.

For me, I was always, like, operating too fast. Like, too fast. So this is where again, that. That slowing down has been so big for me. And also to learning to ask questions instead of just offer the answer, quote, unquote, or offer the. It's because at the end of the day, so often it's about getting to the root. It's about getting to what's behind it. So asking a lot of questions. And in order to ask the questions, I had to slow down, I had to listen more and again, couldn't be attached. And I was always two steps ahead in my head. Always two steps ahead. So I was listening to answer instead of listening to really listen. So those. Those have been some big game changers to me. And then also to realizing there was a lot of times too, that I had the facade going on where, you know, my mind was spinning or I wasn't really as present as I should have been. Those would be some big things because then. So the other business that I have, we. We opened a sandwich shop three weeks before COVID And oh, my God, the. The reason we opened Red & Co. Was because we wanted that opportunity to connect with people over food. But again, because my default is what are people going to think about Me and, you know, what am I putting out there? I was heading into full on robot, you know, perform mode. And I was completely on path to be missing those moments that are the whole point of why we started the business in the first.

Place. The thing with threes in general, like you, you do move really fast and it's like once you see the goal, you're gonna hit the goal, right? And that's your gift too. Like, seriously, there is nobody like a three that can really make shit happen. It's what we, what we admire about all of you. It's why we all wish we're threes, honestly. But for so many of you, you see the goal line, but you miss the soul line. Right? Which is why you did start a lot of this. It's why we become parents sometimes. It's why we do get in marriages sometimes and have, you know, your businesses are all about people, both of them. And I love that you say that. And one of the things that really happens a lot of time, not just for threes, but like these high achieving people and especially high achieving women. And what you said about listening, you were listening to answer. And I think subconsciously, for not just threes, twos can fall into this as well. Nines can fall into this. You know, when it comes to keeping harmony, we can all fall into this is when we listen, we can somewhat subconsciously have an ulterior motive. Like for a three, it's like, I'm going to listen so I can shine my light and show them how amazing I am. Whether it's serving them, helping them, whatever that is. And when you were slowing down to listen, how often did you find yourself kind of like going into an old pattern and then having to stop yourself? Because it's not a natural thing for you to listen. To.

Listen.

All the time. Yeah, all the time. Yesterday, you know, Exactly. But that. Yeah. And that's where though initially I would catch myself, right? But then it was like I was punching myself in the face. And again, this is where you would call me out and Steph, it's put the. What do you call it? The whipping stick or whatever. Like, put, put that away, put that away and be kinder to yourself. And it's interesting because I say that to clients all the time. Like, would you, would you say that to your child? You know, would you say that to your best friend? So why do you say it to yourself? But then it's. Then I had to call myself out, be like, you're doing it, you're doing.

It. Shame Keeps you stuck. Shame will always keep you stuck. And if stuck is your problem right now, shame certainly won't help things, but compassion will set it free for sure. One of the things that I loved what you said is that. And I know for every enneagram3 listening, when she said too fast, you gasped because is there such a thing as going too fast? Right? Yes, there is fast. You know, there's always a case catch. There's always a catch to everything. You know, you are an achiever. You make shit happen. You can turn shit into gold. It's just what threes do. Oftentimes, though, you do move really, really fast and too fast through things. And yes, there is such a thing. And as an enneagram 8, like, I never would be, like, are you kidding me? There's no such thing as too fast. But what has being too fast cost you along the journey in your life, where this is why slowing down to speed you up, when you can slow down and find joy in the journey so that we can speed up and accelerate the abundance that you want in your life. What has being too fast cost you in some parts of your.

Life? My health has been a big one. I've had that health baton smacked against my head so many times. And again, it was more about, look how strong I am. Look at me go. Right? Empowering through that. So my health was a really, really big one. I can honestly say, too, I missed out on a lot of opportunities and probably really special moments by not being fully present. By, again, not having, you know, or being too busy was another thing, right? Because, again, I wore that busyness as a badge of honor. So then there was a lot of things that, oh, no, I can't. I'm too busy. You know, I had a really special moment this summer where I had an old friend from high school reach out to me. And it was interesting because he just called funny enough, assuming that I would be too busy. And so he just hoped that he could maybe talk to me on the phone for a few minutes because he was home to see his family. And I was like, oh, my God, like, if you're here, I want. Like, I want to see you. I'll drive to you, or what? So we ended up arranging an opportunity to meet, and we ended up spending three amazing hours together that night. And we now have. We've rekindled our friendship. We talk on a regular basis on Marco Polo, thankfully, because you introduced me to that. And he's one of the people that has helped me by showing me vulnerability and has trusted me with his heart in a lot of ways. Yeah. So I was just so thankful that I was open and, and present and not too busy because I would have. I would have missed out on that moment and this, this special rekindling of, of an old, dear friend. And he's somebody that's been so good for my. For my soul, and it's really special. So. Hi.

Paul. I love that. You know, I love that because I think I can fall guilty of that too. It's like we crave connection and intimacy, but if we don't make the time for it or make people feel like they're a priority in our life, it doesn't matter how much we say they're important. Energy doesn't lie.

Right? Oh, 1,000%. And you know what's crazy with all of this? And again, I. I didn't. I didn't even realize it until a long way in. As a power skating coach, everything I taught was about slowing these players down because so many of the players I worked with over the years, they would drop their head, they tuck in tight, and they would move their body so fast, like, if you could only see me on video, you know, but they just like, hustle, hustle, hustle, like these short, little choppy strides. And you waste so much energy when you do that because you're just a pump and you're. That was what I taught, like, and I taught them how to relax their body, how to extend their stride, how to get more power so they weren't wasting energy. Had no idea. I couldn't even see how that related to my own life. Couldn't see it at all. But now, so for me, it's like that moment when a player would feel like that powerful stride, like, take them somewhere for the first time and sort of watch their face light up.

That's what it feels like for me now. And I want to feel. Because I know what that feels like too, in my body as a skater. So it's trying to relay that to. I want to feel that in my life. I want to know what that feels like where I'm not working so hard, but I'm still getting to the. To the end faster. Like, a lot of times they end up at the end, faster, with a lot more energy and with a lot less.

Heartache. I think that's so important for everybody, listening to hear that. Like, sometimes we learn things the hard way along the way in the journey, and especially if you are a parent or a coach or a leader of any sort. Like, if you're not walking the talk that you're giving. You're out of integrity. And like, I'm not calling anybody like a shitty coach or parent or anything like that. But when we're out of integrity, we're not as effective as we really want to be. And then we have to like redo conversations and use more energy and use more words. And then everybody's frustrated because we're depleting, depleted. And then the people that you're trying to really lead, whether it's those you love or, you know, in work and business, we start to chip away at confidence as well, all across the board. And that doesn't work for anybody. So I love that you have embraced the slowing down to speed up. And it took you a while to really like, you kept asking me what does this mean? But every enneagram3 listening, this is what it means. And I promise you end up going a hell of a lot faster and having a lot more energy and fulfillment along the way. And you know what? You put the measuring stick away after a while and that's a beautiful thing because then you know you're doing the things because you actually want to instead of believing you have to do them to be worthy of approval, acceptance, attention, or whatever else. So for those listening right now, Steph, this is the time of year that people are reevaluating what happened last year. And I definitely know some of you started off 20, 22, like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. And your intentions were 100% pure and you do want it bad enough. But the old patterns and the old, the toddler inside of you, the redheaded toddler inside of you is saying, that's a big fuck no. And she or he is disrupting your life. What would you recommend? And why should somebody listening right now that's feeling that and maybe pulling out the shame stick on themselves? Why should somebody that is doing that or thinking that right now kind of sign up for something like.

This? Because it doesn't serve you. Nobody wants the black eyes, nobody wants the battle wounds. And I'm 51 years old and all those like 20 somethings and 30 somethings that have found you and have been able to work with you, it's like, oh, thank.

God. I.

Know. I'm jealous of those.

People. Me.

Too.

It's like nothing else I've ever experienced. Like, it, it just impacts your life in every way. In every way. At least it did mine. It impacted my, my Relationship with my husband, it re. You know, my relationship with Andy. Friendships, all of it. And it's just. It's just. Just do it. Do it. That's all I have to say. I wish I had something more profound to say, but I guess Nike had it figured out, right? Like, just do it. Tracy is. She. She has a.

Gift.

She. No, I. I mean that in all. All sincerity. And she is really honoring the gift that. That she's been given. And it's true. Like, I don't know how many times I would send a message and in my brain I'd be going, oh, God. Like, she's listening to this, and she's rolling her eyes, and she's called Tiffany, you know, and, you know, and she thinks I'm crazy and all of that. And then I get the message back from her. And like Tracy says, you can't fake energy. And, you know, and I get this really heartfelt message back. And then I'd be like, oh, okay. You know, the dialogue we all have in our. In our own minds.

It'S.

Dangerous. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. And it's blocking many of you from doing what you have been divinely called to do in this world. And no matter what you grew up with. And Steph grew up with great parents, but it was also really, really hard and a really, really tough upbringing. And there's parts of the story we didn't tell. And I know regardless of what you are trying to manifest in your life or you're saying all the right things to yourself, but, you know, underneath what you're saying and all these I ams and meditations that you're doing is like this harsh critic that is telling you that who the hell are you to be doing XYZ in your life? Or who the hell are you to attract abundant love and fu money and beautiful health and a family? Like, seriously, this is beautiful, beautiful work which you know, will allow you to come to terms with all of it. And even the really hard parts that some of us wish didn't happen. You will actually even find a beautiful reason why some of that had to happen. Even the most heinous shit, you can turn into something beautiful. You know, I often say everything happens for a reason is one of my most annoyed. I really don't like that phrase. I get the meaning behind it. But when you've been through some really crappy shit, like, you want to punch people in the face when they say that to you, right? Absolutely. And I don't believe that everything happens for A reason, because there is heinous shit out there. But I do believe that everything happens can serve something absolutely beautiful. And my love, you are definitely a true testament to that. I appreciate your vulnerability for many high achievers out there listening. I know you needed this message, especially this time of year. I was joking yesterday with somebody that there should be like this purgatory month in between the old year and the new year. Like, we need like a whole month of purgatory to kind of reflect and come to terms with what just happened in the previous year so we can kind of prepare ourselves for what's to come. Because I don't think there's enough of this slowing down period in between an old year and a new year to be able to speed up in the divine way we were called. And my love, I this. You have been such a pleasure and honor. I take it very seriously what I do every day. And you are a huge reason why I wake up excited to do what I do every day. So, you guys, if this is something you want to explore, please do not hesitate to reach out. You can find me on instagram@trace Tracyomalley or you can fill out an application. I only have like one or two spots open currently to do the in depth work that me and my dear friend Steph did over the last year or so. You can do and fill out that application@traceyomalley.com the work with me section. My love. Any final words for the people.

Listening? No, just the. The only other thing that was running through my head is to do it and go all in. Go all in. Be willing to say it, feel it, and don't. Don't leave anything behind. Because I can honestly say when. When this journey started, you know, it was about showing up and, you know, yeah, everything's great and listen to what I've done. And you know, I hired a coach.

Everybody. I hired a coach. Just because you hire a coach doesn't mean it all happens by osmosis.

Right? No. So go all in. Lean in, lean on. And just know that. That Tracy is 100% trustworthy. And I'll say it again, she. She has this gift to really see you. And honestly, she's the only person I've ever met.

That's the truth that gets me.

Understands me, you know, 100%. And I feel safe in that instead of, you know, because sometimes when you feel like somebody sees something, that. That's pretty freaking scary. But it's not scary with Tracy at all.

So. Oh my gosh, you guys, I love you, Steph. Thank you for doing this and for blessing every single person that runs and stumbles across this this episode. I know that you have made a huge impact not just on them, but on my life every single day. You guys. Until next time, my goal every single day is to help you become the ultimate leader in your life and we will see you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your.

Life.

Sam.