EP218: Landing Your Love in All the Right Places by Enneagram Type

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Ah. Welcome back to the Leadership Formula Podcast show. I am your host, Tracy o', Malley, and we are in the romantic week of love. And whether you like this holiday or you think it's ridiculous or commercialized or whatever you think about it, or maybe you don't have a romantic partner, and either you're really excited about it, you're upset about it, whatever you're feeling right now, this episode is going to be all about love. And whether that's for a partner or even to honor yourself a little bit more, this is going to be a great one for you. And I, you know, I get that. I was married a long time. I was single a long time. I've dated here and there. You know, this is the joys of being right at 50 years old. You know, I've lived a lot of life, and this is where a lot of my experience and wisdom and. And seeing a lot of things happen in my life personally with people I care about, people I've mentored and coached along the way, where this will really benefit you, I think. And if you didn't listen to the episode I released earlier this week about relationships and the Enneagram and how powerful, especially romantic relationships and how powerful this tool is to empower, encourage, support, love your partner best in a way that they can receive it. Really, really good. I get kind of personal on it, so. But today I wanted to kind of specifically talk about, like, the Valentine's Day weekend. You know, I'm indifferent to it. There are times I'm totally in the feels, and other times I could care less and not in a bitter way. You know, it just depends on where I'm at. I think it's a beautiful expression of a day, but I think that Valentine's Day, honestly, should be every day towards yourself and to the people that you love the most. But I know as Valentine's weekend is Quickly approaching. I wanted to give you some tips. If you are in charge of planning something lovely and romantic or you are going to do self honoring things for yourself. And like I said, after I got divorced there was a long stretch and after my last relationship there was a seven year stretch. Not one date I didn't date. I was really kind of growing myself and learning about myself and learning how to break my old patterns that were my responsibility and my relationships that didn't work out. And on Valentine's Day every year for those seven years, I really did something that was honoring for myself. There were times that I booked a spa day for myself and really just enjoyed where I was in my journey. There were times that I played softball, there were times that whatever, like it was a day that I was going to spend doing something that me and that little girl in me always wanted to do. Sometimes it was nurturing, sometimes it was aggressive. Typical enneagram 8. But today I want to give you some tips. If you are in charge of planning something special for Valentine's Day weekend based on your enneagram type and also based on your enneagram type type, what might be something that you can do that's fun, whether it's alone or with friends or people that you choose to spend time with. And I thought that this would be a fun little Valentine's Day episode since it's just around the corner. And I know that choosing plans can be difficult, especially if your partner is a little bit different than you. And why are different how you love and the things that you would love may be different. And you know, I'm all things enneagram. So I thought we would give you some fun planning tips for yourself and for those you love and whether you're like a spunky, feisty type 7. Maybe a more sensitive 4. The supportive enneagram 2. I'll give you some ideas to get you started on a Valentine's Day that goes beyond the usual things that are out there like chocolates and flowers and dinner. And there's nothing wrong with any of that if that's what you love. And if you don't know your enneagram type, I highly encourage you to go to my website right now, Tracey O' Malley.com the work with Me section. Not only will I properly help you be typed, I will give you all the juicy details on how to actually integrate that information in your life. And coming soon, I will be bringing something to you that will make it even easier to be typed properly. So stay tuned for that. All right? All my Enneagram Ones out there, the reformers, the perfectionists, I like to call you the sheriff in town, the ultimate perfectionist. Type ones are invested in wrong versus right, good versus bad, and are always trying to make the world a better place as they have high standards, high integrity. They want life to go just as planned and want it to work out fairly for everyone. They're all about truth and justice and independence. So if you're in charge of the date night for an Enneagram one, if you're dating loving whatever you are with an Enneagram One, it's no surprise that they want a day that plays out in perfectly planned fashion. Don't leave it up to spontaneity. They do not love that. Now in their growth, it is good to have spontaneity. And. And I always talk about the growth number of the Enneagram types. I understand that their growth pattern is more spontaneous, but for something that's like a date on the calendar, we want to kind of stick to what makes each Enneagram type feel loved. And having an itinerary in place will really, really make an Enneagram one feel juicy inside. But work in some fun too. So start the night maybe with a very set schedule. Definitely let them know what the itinerary is. Everything will flow just as planned and you'll have some laughs. And this will help them loosen up so you'll kind of like with with you, honoring the need for a plan and some structure. If you weave in some fun there, you'll really get to see the best out of the Enneagram one that you love. Because throughout the night, they'll end up in their Enneagram 7 after all. Now, if you are the Enneagram one, I will highly encourage you to meet some of your best friends after work or for a happy hour or for a hike, maybe have a fun class planned, having like two specific and fun items on your agenda. It will really set yourself up for a perfectly planned Valentine's Day for yourself. I know my Enneagram Ones, like you probably either love this holiday or hate it because everything is pretty black and white to you. Nothing wrong with that. My Enneagram ones. All right. Type 2, the Enneagram twos, the considerate helpers. They are the ultimate helpers and they're always looking out for their loved ones, making sure everyone around them is happy, supported and cared for. And you know, I'm raising an enneagram2, and he's very romantic and kind and generous when it comes to things like this. So if you are in charge of planning a date night for a two though, right? While type Twos love to entertain and bring all their friends together, I want you to use Valentine's Day as an excuse to really spoil that Enneagram too, right? They don't really like asking for what they need. They're really good at knowing what everybody else needs and taking care of that. But so often because they're so good at it, a lot of times people overlook the fact that they do have needs. And you know, all my enneagram2 is out there. You got to use your words. I've told you that before. But if you are in charge of planning something for an enneagram2, really go over the top and let them know how much you appreciate them in your actions. It's going to be hard for them to let you treat them to something really nice and spoiling them, but it's really, really important that they get that from time to time. And honestly, you'll see the very best come out of your Enneagram too, when there is some reciprocation. Because they can slip into the trap giving to get if they're not careful. And that's where resentment can build up and where they don't feel appreciated. So if you kind of go over the top for them a little bit, although they might be a little uncomfortable at first, their growth number is the enneagram 4. So making something all about them, honestly, we want them used to that because that's how they will serve from the best space when they actually do lean into it. Now, if you're an enneagram2, and maybe you don't have a Valentine's date or anything like that, or it's you're looking for a way to honor yourself, tap into your need for everyone to feel included. Maybe host a little Valentine's Day little Girls night or Guys night, right? Make it a potluck to take the pressure off. Invite friends over, you know, maybe assign people certain things. Sit back, relax, and just focus on having some fun with each other. All right. My Enneagram Threes, the competitive achievers that are always driven to achieve my type Threes are goal focused and constantly striving for success. They are hard workers who at times ignore emotions in lieu of looking towards their next opportunity. And something like this day can really go by the wayside, especially if they have their eye on a different kind of goal right now. But if you're in charge of planning a date night for an enneagram3, I just want you to know it can be difficult to encourage them to unplug. And so I want you to use Valentine's Day as a chance to kind of take them off the grid. Like book a night away. I get a really kick ass like Airbnb or VRBO House to encourage them to put the phone down, be unplugged, keeping the out of office status on their emails, even if only just a few hours. And focus on spending quality time together and really like ask them questions about themselves. Like more feeling questions. Instead of like, what are your goals? What? Because they'll talk about goals and plans all day long. The really beautiful thing is when a three they're always going to be driven. They're always going to crush life. Don't get me wrong, but we really want to encourage them to get into that heart space. They are, after all, in the center of intelligence that is about feeling. Now, if you are the enneagram3, planning your own little honoring love night for yourself. Don't bring your work into a spa. Like I was telling you guys, I book spa days. This is a great thing for an enneagram3 to do for themselves. Like get unplugged, go to a spa, get the massages and facials and whatever relaxation that your body and soul needs. And I know that you'll be tempted to just like, since everybody will be busy dating, you want to just crush life and get ahead of the game. I will. Really. And I had to, really, because I can be driven like that too. Really. Taking a day to fill yourself back up will allow you to hit the accelerator even further, I promise. So grab some girlfriends or go solo for your ultimate Valentine's Day. Calm. All right. The Enneagram type. For.

They are the romantic, they are the individualists, they are the creatives, they are the intuitives. On the Enneagram. Valentine's Day was made for the romantic type fours. And these free spirits are sensitive and moody at times. They feel everything so deeply and crave time spent sharing feelings, dreams and all the good stuff. So I'm dating a four. So this is. There's some truth to this. They may not always be expressive with it, but they feel it all. Let me tell you. So if you're planning a date night, you're in charge of it. 4 an enneagram 4 plan an entire day of bonding to tap into each other's feelings, doing all the things that really get you talking or feeling all the feels. Time together and creativity will fulfill that desire for close focus conversation. You know not sitting at a movie where you can't talk. Anything that will encourage more conversation. Like, some of the best times I've had with my enneagram 4 is watching sports. Because we both love sports and our best conversations have come when we are out somewhere, you know, watching sports. So, you know, even writing a love letter to a 4, even if the 4 is a man and using the emotional words, it is really music to an enneagram 4's ears. It really, really is if you are the enneagram 4. I know you love diving into deep discussions with your closest friends, so keep it simple with it. Maybe at home, wine and Chartreuse night. Invite just two or three friends and catch up on your dating lives, your hopes, your dreams, and everything in between. Because you Enneagram fours love deep, deep, deep convers. And so make sure you invite the right people that. That are down for that kind of even dreaming about romance. It's really, really cool. I love fours. They're awesome and they drive me crazy. I love you. Enneagram Type Fives. The the investigators, the quiet specialists. Type Fives are lifelong learners who can never seem to get enough information. They take time to process quietly and can come across as intense and introverted. If you're solving a tough problem, the five is who you want by your side. I love Enneagram. My daughter and I were joking because she's an enneagram7. And I was telling her, like, type fives are like, if I'm stuck on an island, I want a five with me. And she's like, ugh, they're boring. You know, because that 7 is all about what's next adventure. Like, no parachute. Let's just fly. And a five is like, no, I need to know all the things. So if you're planning a date night for your enneagram5, you'll want to plan something that appeals to their curious sensibilities. Maybe plan a day trip to a museum they haven't visited, may even be able to find with some romantic programming or late night hours for the holiday weekend. Spend hours wandering the halls or doing something that you know that they love. Something that may be outside the box for you but they're ultimately curious about. And then, you know, planning some kind of dinner or meal where you can discuss the takeaways. They really like more intimate settings and quiet places. They're not like, let's hit the clubs and the raves kind of. They love little speakeasies or, you know, little hidden gems out in the world. Now, if you are the enneagram 5. Treat yourself to an introvert's dream by taking yourself out to like a new hip coffee shop or even a wine bar. Maybe before even heading to a museum on your own and spending some quiet time reading with a good beverage. Enneagram Fives love alone time. You know, there's a big difference between isolation and solitude. So if you are the enneagram 5, planning a special day for yourself, really go into solitude, which is where all the juicy beautiful things can be created. Isolation is numbing out. We don't want to do that. So we really want to honor that part of you. So go. Go have yourself an introvert's dream. All right. My enneagram type 6. The loyal skeptics. The ever responsible Type Sixes. Fiercely loyal, ready for commitment and always, always, always, always prepared. They are hard workers who can stress themselves out at times. My sister wife is an enneagram6. True for her. And they are also the person who friends can always rely on. It's why I love her so much. Now if you are planning a special date weekend with an enneagram6, this is really important information. They don't want an over the top grand gesture. They need to know the plans ahead of time. So surprises are not great for an enneagram 6. They don't like it. Enneagram Eights don't either by the way. But Enneagram Sixes want to know the plan ahead of time and you want to keep it low key and equally as important, making sure you have a plan B in place just in case your original plans go sideways. They really do think about details. They are always 10 steps ahead of things. So even an at home movie night with takeout from your local favorite place is perfect for a type 6. The more details you can give them ahead of time, the better. Trust me. They have lots of questions. And so if they don't have to ask all the questions and you offer up the information, you will find your enneagram6, your loyal skeptic a hell of a lot more relaxed. And you will get the best out of them and you'll see that fun side of them really, really come out. Now if you're the enneagram6, planning your own special day, night, weekend, you know, and you love knowing the best things in life are always there for you. So maybe meet a friend at a place that you enjoy, you know, go to your usual place where you know you will get your favorite meal, your favorite drink and toast to all the things that mean the most to you go to your old reliable places that make you feel safe, secure and truly loved. And my special sister wife, I love you. If you're listening, my Enneagram type Sevens, the upbeat seven is the optimist you love to be around. They're enthusiastic, they're happy, they're always looking for the next party. So type Sevens are spontaneous and quick to jump on board with any plan that sounds exciting. They are a hell of a lot of fun to plan for, especially anything that's kind of last second. Like the other day I took my daughter on a date night and she's a seven. It was like three hours advance. I'm like, hey, you want to go to a basketball game? She's like, like, fuck yeah, it sounds great. And we had the best time. So they're really good to spring something on. They're the ones that you want to surprise. So if you're planning a beautiful weekend evening for your type 7 and my daughter actually is in the in a relationship with a type 7, so they have a hell of a lot of fun. Because Sevens love to have fun. So go crazy with your Valentine's Day plans. This is the person that anything is possible. Nothing's too extra. They're always looking for an adventure, so keep it interesting. Check out like anything that's kind of of new and exciting in town. Like a variety, all the options they want. Options all the time. Their energy level is always going to be up. So make sure you get some rest ahead of time because you are not ending this night, this weekend lightly. They go all out when they are ready. So if you aren't a seven, but you are planning something special for a seven, just either get the Red Bull out or if you know me, I can hook you up with some E shots. Seriously, you're going to need a lot of energy for your enneagram 7. Don't be a buzzkill now. If you are the 7 and you're planning a special night weekend for yourself, you always love a good story. So plan a wild night out with some friends. Hit the town maybe for a fancy meal or something trendy. Just give yourself all the options and have at it. All right, my fellow Enneagram Eights, the protective Challengers, the active controllers. Type Eights know what want and they know how to get it. They also know what you want and how you should get it. This is true. I've had to really grow myself to keep my trap shut sometimes and let people figure shit out on their own. Eights are natural born leaders who are Confident in their opinions. And sometimes those opinions, we let them be known to a fault. So Type Eights can be really challenging, which is why they're called the Challengers to plan for. Because we know exactly what we want and we don't rely on anyone to get it or make it happen for us. And especially if you are a woman 8, this can be very emasculating if your love interest is of the opposite sex. And even if you are in a same sex relationship, if you are in a relationship with a type 8, it can be challenging sometimes. So your partner might have opinions too, right? Relationships are all about compromise. And sometimes eights really are challenged by that. So go ahead and suggest some things. Maybe ask the enneagram 8. What are some options? What are things that you might like to do? I've gotten better when it comes to making decisions about dinner plans or anything like that. I really do release control of that. There are certain things. Anytime I'm asked what's for dinner or what would I like for dinner, I say the same thing. Anything but mayonnaise, mushrooms or seafood, and I'm solid. I really will be down for anything. But if you're trying to plan something for an enneagram8, ask them their opinion. Let them feel like they have some power in this, but also saying, okay, I will take those and run with them and then kind of be spontaneous.

Like I said, they can pretty much do and have whatever they want and they know how to make it happen. But the extra mile that somebody would really think about them. Enneagram Eights are the rock for a lot of people usually. And so somebody kind of taking care of them feels very vulnerable for an enneagram 8. But that's actually where they need to go into the feels because their growth number is the Enneagram too. But just know that you might get some resistance at first if you're trying to plan something for an enneagram 8. But the more that they see that you're not afraid to really just go for it with them, they will relax more, they will lean into vulnerability, and you will get the best out of your Enneagram 8. Now, if you are the Enneagram 8, the challenger, like I said, I have done a variety of things on this day. Weekend of love. We are never one to turn down a chance to kind of show off our skills. So like I said, I've done sports, I've done cooking classes, I've gone out with friends, I've done hiking things. And sometimes it's been a Quiet spa day. So just maybe, maybe even try something that you haven't done before, right? We like to be good at shit. But for an enneagram 8, it's a perfect opportunity to try something new. And last but not least, my Enneagram Nines, the Adaptive Peacemakers. The Peacemaker Type Nines want everyone around them to live in harmony and peacefully. They're accommodating, cheerful and pleasant to be around. But they can also lean towards people pleasing on occasion. Or they kind of just shut down even their own desires. That's how they kind of keep themselves from being controlled. They kind of learned early on in order to keep the peace, they have to put their. Their opinions, their thoughts, their stuff like secondary. That's not always true. We want them to challenge directly and care deeply. But if you're planning a date night for an enneagram9, asking them what they want to do, they'll just say, I don't care. Whatever you want. Typically, they want you to be happy first. They do. Your Enneagram Type Nines want you to be happy first. So I want you to plan something fun for them. Let them be on the receiving end of love and affection. Maybe give them some options. Maybe not too many, maybe one, two or three. And if you give them three options, they say, I don't care, whatever you want. Say no, no, no, I am making this about you. I really want to know which one excites you the most. And you don't have to give them a ton of details and just say that's all I need to know and then take it and run with it right now. If you're an enneagram9 and somebody's planning this for you, like, don't be afraid to speak up if their suggested plans don't line up with, you know, maybe that was something you wanted to do. And you may be so shut down you don't even know what you would like. But they are trying to tap into what you want. So let them know. Use your voice. Just know. If you are trying to plan something for an enneagram9, it can be very difficult to get information out of them. But keep pushing and tell them like, and don't get frustrated with them that because that will get them to shut down even more. But really say, I really care about what you want and I want to do something special for you. Now if you are the Enneagram 9, your ideal Valentine's Day. And every day include includes everyone getting along. Maybe have a girls brunch or you know, Invite friends that you would love to have there, you know, because this is such a holiday where people can feel like woe is me or left out or sad. Making everybody feel included and making sure everybody's having a wonderful time, that's when you're the happiest. So maybe if you've got some friends that are maybe not feeling real great about this weekend or this holiday, do something special with the squad. For sure. All right, you guys, I know that this is. This is a weird holiday. It really is. I believe every day with the person that you let into the most intimate parts of your heart, every day should be Valentine's Day. I know. I personally have used the Enneagram, especially the last two years, as I have explored a relationship. And it has saved me. It has saved the relationship at times. And it has really allowed me to lean into the most vulnerable parts of me which create crazy, crazy intimacy on an emotional level and a physical level. I am saying so myself and really feel connected to another human being. It's scary, let me tell you. Like, letting people see, you know, intimacy is into me, you see? And it's the scariest, most vulnerable thing you can do. But it's also where all the juicy parts of life fall in to play. If you need to find out your Enneagram type and what to do with it, you can book an individual typing kickstart session with me. And now I am also doing couples sessions. You will have to DM me at tracee_o' Malley, or email me at inforacyomalley.com for information on the couples. It is 90 minutes of all the juicy stuff about you and your partner, whether it's opposite sex or same sex. I do not discriminate. We love is love to me, and I am here for it. And I would love to help you use this tool in your relationship so that all the great parts of you as a team can come together and you can have yourselves living your best life. And for the month of February only, I am taking $50 off the couple session. It will be a beautiful, beautiful thing. You will each get your own individual report of your Enneagram type, plus a couples report plus a recording of our time together. And I would be honored. One of the questions I get asked most about is marriages and relationships. And like I said, it has really produced one of the most special relationships I've ever had in my life. And the fact that I can be vulnerable in a romantic partnership without a ton of codependency is a goddamn miracle. So I am here to help you live and love your best life and help you become the ultimate leader in your life. You can find me at tracyomalley on Instagram or go to tracyomalley.com the work with me section to find out more. Happy Valentine's Day Week, you guys. I'm sending you all the love and light.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram @traceomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.