EP224: (SERIES) The THREE Subtypes of the Enneagram THREE: Breaking Down the Ambition of the Competitive Achiever

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

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Hello and welcome back to another episode in the continuing series about the Enneagram subtypes. Welcome to the Leadership Formula. I am Tracy o', Malley, your host and today we are tackling the three threes within the Enneagram and the subtypes. If you are following along, they add a little flava flav to each Enneagram type. It is why you can have two different Enneagram threes right next to each other and they can look very, very different from each other. Right. So what I wanted to do is kind of do a brief explanation why there are these things and the instincts, the subtypes, they are probably the number one reason why so many of you are mistyped. Because all these online assessments, assessments don't take, you know, these life instincts into consideration. In a lot of them, the instincts, the three instincts, refer to the biological survival drives. The three of them are self preservation, social, and one to one bonding. Okay, so there are three main instincts within each Enneagram type. There are nine main Enneagram types. So if you do the math, that actually leaves you with 27 different subtypes. So each Enneagram type has three subtypes, subtypes. So the subtypes are the 27 personalities. They're more nuanced versions of the main type with distinct traits and patterns that you get when you multiply the three subtypes by the nine core Enneagram types. You know, subtypes have also been called instinctual variants. And so that can be kind of confusing. I love teaching about the subtypes. And whenever I do team family breakdowns, as much as I go into what the Enneagram types of each teammate family member looks like, I go equal equally into the three instinctual variants of self preservation, the one on one, and the social, because they really have as much impact on how people express themselves or when life happens as the Some of the motives behind each enneagram type. So really, really, really important if you really want to understand yourself, especially when life happens and other people, this will help you. Why it's vitally important to know these subtypes. If you use the Enneagram, like I said, it had such a big impact on my self knowledge. We do use all three of those instincts. The self preservation, the one on one and the social one usually dominates with a second one that feels familiar. And then there's usually one that is kind of the blind spot. So my stacking, I'm pretty even amongst all three as I reside today. But back in the day I'm sure it looked very, very different. But my stacking is the one on one self preserv and the social one is my blind spot. And I'll kind of explain what that means as well. But this is probably the subtypes are probably also why, you know, if you are, let's say an Enneagram 3 and there's another Enneagram 3, something's missing. Something's missing. I did a leadership executive team group and in the nine of them there were three enneagram threes. However, one was a self preservation and two were social. And they could not be more different in how they present. The motives are the same, but how they express, present and handle it when things are happening looks very, very different. But it also gave so much clarity and the ability to have even more compassion and patience and love and tolerance for each other. It's pretty, pretty cool. So, you know, I think a lot of times if you're an Enneagram fan, you focus more on the wings and they're very, very important and they're great tools in the toolbox. And oftentimes our instinctual variances, depending on if you're self preservation, one on one or social, can impact how and which wing you use the most. So I'll give you myself for an example. As an eight, I have the ability to tap into a seven wing or a nine wing. And you know, early on in my life, you know, growing up in an alcoholic home, you know, I resided in that self preservation or the one on one. And the one on one instinct focuses on intensity of experiences and one on one relationships. My family unit, my dad was my the person that I gauged how I responded to life to. So you can see if your main person is somebody who's kind of dysfunctional, how that might make an impact. And then the self preservation part of me, the self preservation instinct focuses on physical safety. Well being material, security and comfort. And so as an 8 having a 7 wing or 9 wing, the 7 wing is more kind of like big picture. Avoiding pain, doesn't want to be trapped in a situation because my instincts, my subtypes fall in that one on one or the self preservation area mainly. I very rarely used my 7 Wing as a kid. Right. But my 9 Wing, which was that peacemaker, I used it in a not so healthy way. But the reason I used the wings the way that I did has a lot to do with our subtypes. So I know a lot of you fixate on the wings and that you think you lean heavy, but if you dive deep, deeper into the instinctual variants that you operate under, mainly it will make sense why you may or may not use certain wings and how to understand how to use them better to understand how to grow into the healthiest version of yourself. It's why I love educating on the subtypes. So, so, so important. You know, like I said, they define the differences between people that share a type more than the wings. You know, sometimes you'll say, well, I'm a three wing two, they're a three wing four. And that's why we' different. Yes and no. But like I said a lot of times the wings that you use mainly has everything to do with your subtype. This is also how I really, when I'm doing a one on one typing kickstart session with people, I dive so deeply into the instincts in life. This is kind of where nature and nurture collide. We have this natural born temperament, disposition calling on our life and then we're dropped into life and families and situations and environments and experiences. And this is where the subtypes can really change how our core motive, core fears are expressed. And so, you know, using the subtypes is really important to dive into when it comes to being typed properly. And this is, this is my specialty. So this is why, you know, with so much mistyping and difficulty with typing, when working with the Enneagram, this is where that rich growth process goes next level and how fast you can accelerate your transformation in your own personal growth and then, you know, within your family's team, teams, parenting, relationships, all of the above. It's really, really, really cool. This is my favorite topic to teach on is the subtypes. So since today we're Talking about the Enneagram 3, the competitive achiever driven by significance. They want to be the best at everything they do. They see a goal, they hit a goal, they crush a goal Their biggest fear is not being the best at something. And so with self preservation, the one on one and social that can look very, very different. Again, the self preservation focuses on physical safety, well being, material security and comfort. This is, this is a different looking three, the counter type, which I have explained before. Within the three subtypes there's one that doesn't quite look like the other and that's called a counter type. It doesn't. It kind of pushes against the main motive of the core enneagram type. So if the 3 is driven by a need to be the best, The Self Preservation 3 kind of isn't as flashy or obvious with it. It's why the self preserv oftentimes can be mistyped as sometimes a one, sometimes a six. I've seen it can happen a lot. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experience in one on one relationships. The one on one subtype actively seeks out opportunities, promise strong energetic connections with others. And then the social subtype, they focus energy and working towards shared purpose of the greatest good. They focus on interactions and relationships with communities and groups and a high social awareness of norms and status levels in groups. So like the social three is extra, extra and I mean that with so much love and respect. So I'll break them down real quick for you. So the self preservation three work hard to assure material security for themselves and the people around them. Oriented to be good as well as looking good according to social consensuses. They want to appear successful but they don't want to brag or self promote in an obvious way because that wouldn't be good to them. Right? Self preservation threes are very self sufficient, extremely hardworking, results oriented and modest. Like I said, the self preservation 3 is the counter type within the threes and their key is security. The self preservation 3 is the counter type in that they dislike advertising their strengths and accomplishments overtly. So for those of you that are a three or know a three, you like the Atta boys and the Atta girls a lot of time. And The Self Preservation 3 does as well, but for different reasons. Okay? They don't like advertising it and they avoid being seen as image oriented. In spite of this though, it is really really important for the self preservation three to be recognized for their hard work and excellence. Very reliable, efficient, productive and always aspires to do the right thing. Their pursuit of security and self sufficiency through hard work can lead to workaholism. The Self Preservation 3 is most prone to workaholism on the entire Enneagram, they put their head down and focus there. Now the one on one enneagram three, their key subtype is about charisma. Okay? The one to one threes focus on creating an image that is appealing to others and supporting and pleasing the people around them, especially partners, co workers and family members. Like their inner circle, they have a relationship or a team mentality and work very, very hard to support the success of others rather than their own. Sometimes this charismatic, enthusiastic three focuses their competitiveness supporting others, seeing success in relational terms. They tend to believe if those around me achieve success, then I am successful. Which may lead them to mistype often as a two. A lot of threes can mistype as twos. A lot of twos mistype as threes. They tend to compete for attention and affection of those closest to them and may suppress their own feelings to make themselves more attractive to others. So charisma, this is like if you're a one on one enneagram3, chances are you probably use your two wing a lot more than possibly your forewing. Okay, so you can see where it is way more than just wings that can change the expression of it. It has a lot to do with this instinctual response and the instinctual variance within each enneagram type. And finally, the social threes. I would say that these fit the memes and the stereotypes the most because their main key is prestige. Social threes work hard to look flawless in the eyes of others. They're oriented to competing to win and attaining the material and status symbols of success. They focus on getting things done and always having the right image for every social context. The most aggressive, competitive, well known three, social threes enjoy being on stage and know how to climb the social ladder. Like I said, they fit all the stereotypes of the three. So. So when you think of a three, this is probably what you think of. And if you are a three and if you're not a social three, this is probably why you've resisted or didn't feel like. I'm not a three. I have a really close friend who was mistyped as an 8, which happens a lot. Especially high achieving women a lot of times will mistype as an 8, but they're actually a 3. But because of the social 3, a lot of times they're like, that's not me. Because the social three desires influence above all and tends to skillfully read and adjust to the social norms and requirements of teams or organizations. Highly competitive, they enjoy being in the spotlight. So the social threes, like I said, they have that instinct to get along with others and form secure social bonds. They focus on interactions and relationships with communities and groups and high social awareness. It's powerful when a three who has hit the accelerator steps into this. You know, they highly competitive. The most competitive on the Enneagram is the social three. They enjoy being in the spotlight and they confidently market their ideas and accomplishments. Looking good and successful is very, very important. And they may cut corners to cover up failure as long as the finished product makes them and their team look good. Really, really important to understand. And I've mentioned this before, Threes and me. It's a love hate thing. It really, really is. As an enneagram 8 I can kind of sniff out insecurity. And I mean that with so much love and non judgment. Back in the day it absolutely was judgment because I could kind of read the Threes like their need for significance, you know. And again, I'm speaking from the unhealthy place of myself 15 years ago and I would so low key judge them and I would almost poke the bear bit and try to expose them. Mainly because I wanted to prove how strong I was as an enneagram8 and today, you know, I have so much compassion for Threes. We all want to be like you. The Threes are the most admired on the Enneagram because they, they seem to make it all look really freaking easy. They do. They see the goal, they hit the goal. They have a work ethic, they can put the blinders on and not let shit get in the way. You know, they're unemotional sometimes when it comes to achieving a goal and they don't really get in their head. The thing is, is they do. You know, the underlying emotion for an enneagram 3 is actually shame. But in order to avoid feeling that, a lot of times when they sniff that out within themselves, when they feel like they're not living up to their abilities or the world may know that they're not performing at their very best, instead of going down the dark hole of shame, they just get busier. Okay, so when, whenever I see a three kind of look a little hyperactive in that that goal setting, goal crushing kind of aspect of them. Instead of cheering them on even more to enable that unhealthy pattern, I really kind of lean in and ask compassionate, loving questions. Now some Threes really love that they're so seen, right? Threes either love me or they hate me. Because they either feel like, gosh, somebody actually gets me and I'm a safe place for them or they're so uncomfortable that they're seen that they run the other way for me. So usually if. If you're a three and you love me, that means you're really like, embodying your growth. And if you're a three listening right now and you don't like me, then, you know, I get it. I would have hated me too. I really would have. I really would have not liked somebody that saw my soul back in the day. So I want you to understand that I get it. And for those of you that put threes up on a pedestal, if you're listening right now, although they love that you might be enabling this unhealthy pattern for them, and even if you try to tap into the more vulnerable parts of them, just know that they're going to be resistant of that. And to that at first, you know, they. They've spent a lifetime believing that they are, you know, as good as what they do achieve or how they appear. So becoming vulnerable for them can be very challenging because part of them believes, like if they show that to you, then you might think that they're not the best. And then there's this conflict going on internally and they. They want to avoid that at all costs. But if you are a three, I want you to know that that where your strength comes. And this is why threes and eights are very similar in certain ways. We're driven by completely different motives, but it's why a lot of women that are mistyped as eights are actually threes and vice versa. We can appear very, very much the same, but the motive is very, very different. And when you understand, if you're a three, the subtypes amongst yourselves, this will allow you to kind of lean in to the right places and people that can support you so that you don't have to continuously put yourself in the pressure cooker. You can also understand that when maybe things don't go the way that you have predicted or expect, how to pull yourself out of the shame. Even though you mask it, a lot of the time, you're still feeling it. Whether or not you're masking it or not is a whole nother story, right? But allow yourself to feel the feelings move through it and grow, because that's the goal. That is the goal. And understanding the subtypes within each enneagram type will allow you to understand yourself at a whole nother level. And once you're able to do that, then you're able to freely do that with other people. And as always, my goal is to help you become the ultimate leader in your life, not just in your businesses and professions and leadership, but also in your homes, which I believe is some of the strongest leadership you'll ever, ever have and and be. And you know, understanding yourself fully will allow you to harmoniously flow through all the different compartments of your life without energetically bankrupting yourself. This has really freed me from wearing 8 million different hats. I just wear one hat. I just change how I wear it on any given moment. And that allows me to energetically be more robust and have more energy at 50 than I did at 30. And that is my goal to help you understanding the beautiful gift and framework of the NEO and especially the subtypes. So I would love to hear from you if you are an enneagram 3, or you love or lead an enneagram 3, what you gained from understanding the differences within the subtypes, how powerful this breakdown will be for how you effectively love, lead or show up as a three. Next episode we will be breaking down the Enneagram 4 and I would love if you are confused and you're not sure what your core Enneagram type is or maybe you've taken one of those online assessments and it's like, yeah, I see it. But there's something that's kind of missing. I highly encourage you to do an Enneagram typing session with me. It'll be the most powerful 90 minutes of your life. Not only will we make sure you have the proper Enneagram type, we will break down your subtype and go into the Self Preservation 101 and Social. We will talk about how to most effectively use your wings and your growth number and your stress number in a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, elegant way. If that is something that interests you, I promise you it will be. You will never regret doing it. You'll have so much clarity and tools. How to integrate this into your business life, your career life, your home life, your relational life, your parenting life. All the things you can inquire@tracyomalley.com the work with me section. It's the first one. Or if you have questions about what this might look like, you can follow me on Instagram at traceyomalley. Hit me up in the DMs and I will take you on a journey and it is my favorite thing to do. I'm very excited for what I'm bringing to you. Very, very soon I will have an easier way for you to be typed properly and get to be able to work with me in a way that's convenient and maybe a little more eye opening for you. That's coming soon. If you love this episode, please share it with somebody that you love or lead or just your beautiful communities that you think need to know more about Enneagram. I know there's a lot of information out there on the Enneagram and I'm grateful for those information teachers. But when it comes to integrating the Enneagram, I will always always always be your go to girl. So I appreciate you sharing me and until next time you guys, we'll talk soon.

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Sam.