EP225: (SERIES) The THREE Subtypes of the Enneagram FOUR: Fall in Love With the Gifts of Romantic Intense Creative

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hey. Hey. Welcome to the continuing series on all the instinctual variants and the subtypes of the Enneagram. We have been going through types 1, 2, and 3, and today we are going to talk about the Enneagram 4 and the three different subtypes within the Enneagram 4. And if. If you are somebody who has just maybe come onto the Enneagram or you've just dabbled and taken an online assessment, that is the first kind of roadblock in your Enneagram journey. And I don't want to discourage you, because the power of this tool is worth getting through the roadblocks and obstacles of it as you listen today. Or maybe you've been listening to the podcast a while and you want to use this tool, but you're like, oh, gosh, I don't know how. I don't know how. Or I'm not sure if my type's right and what test is the best. And, you know, that is the issue with the enneagram is 65 to 70% of the online assessments are inaccurate. And it's not because they suck. Even the paid ones really are inaccurate. They can't take certain things into consideration. You know, artificial intelligence is amazing, but it's not like, you know, human design where you can just plug in your birth date and where you were born and boom, there's what you are. This is a little bit different. This is where spirituality and psychology come together. And it is a beautiful. It is the most powerful personal development tool I have ever used in my entire 50 years. And I just want you to know as you listen today, if this tool is something that you want to incorporate in your life, please book a session with me so that we can, first of all, get your type accurate. And I have something very cool coming to you very, very soon. If you can't, book a time with me. Whether it's for time or the investment. Totally understand. So something very special is coming for you, because I really want this tool in the hands of people and the right information, and then also giving you the integration tools to take that information and really make transformative moves in your life. So you can kind of check in with me@traceyomalley.com the work with me section. You can follow me on Instagram at tracyomalley and we can dive in there. All right, we're going to talk about the Enneagram for today, which is probably the least typed on the Enneagram, probably the most misunderstood on the Enneagram, probably the hardest to give any kind of strategy because they're all so unique, which is the beauty and also the challenging parts of being an enneagram 4. I see a lot of people that are fours mistyped as something else. And the biggest reason is, is because the Enneagram Fours have a motivational need to express their uniqueness and be authentic. And until they really feel like they've found their swee spot, they try so many different things and they can look like many different types. And so I gotta say, I have retyped people as one of the three Enneagram Fours that were completely mistyped as something else. A lot of times they are mistyped as either either a 2 or a 7. Those are the most common ones, and sometimes even eights, because the Enneagram 4 is the most emotional and intense. They're called the intense creative, the romantic, the individualist. So, you know, their motivational need to express their uniqueness and be authentic. Sometimes that can be very loud, and sometimes it can be more withdrawn. And so a lot of the other Enneagram types can fit a funny stereotype or like, yeah, that's very eight of you Fours. There's no rhyme or reason. There are many different colors to being the intense, creative, the romantic enneagram 4. Now, the subtypes really, really have a lot to do with that. And, you know, kind of touching on the subtypes again, if you haven't listened to the prior three or four episodes on what the subtypes are, I'll touch on them really quick. We have these instincts. We all have these instincts. There's three of them in Enneagram land. And they refer to our biological survival drives. We have self preservation, we have social, and we have the one to one bonding. All right, so if you take those three instincts and put them in your Enneagram type, that gives you three subtypes. So you have the self preservation four. You have the 1 to 14 and you have the social four. And all three can look very, very, very different. Even more so than how fours can be very different. These subtypes really can throw a curveball in trying to type people. But it's why I get a lot of fours, because like somewhere in their knowing, they know that they're not typed properly. And they come to me and we unlock this beautiful, beautiful framework for them. And what I have seen Enneagram fours do over and over and over again when they have worked with me, it's all of a sudden they have permission to be exactly who they've always wanted to be. But before their envy and their own kind of head gets in the way. When A4 gets typed properly, it's beautiful to see the gifts that they bring to the world because they are so creative and they do have the emotional capacity that is bigger than anybody else on the Enneagram. They can hold space better than anyone when they are at their best. So let's talk about the subtypes. The subtypes are the 27 personalities, more nuanced versions of the main type, with distinct traits and patterns that you get when you multiply the three subtypes by the nine core Enneagram types. So for those of you that do elementary Math, 9 types times 3 subtypes equal 27 different personalities within the framework of the Enneagram. It's powerful. Also like in. In certain Enneagram language, subtypes have also been called instinctual variants by some authors and leaders. So that can kind of lead to confusion. So I like to just kind of stick to subtypes just so you kind of like get what that is. Why it's important to know your subtype is how is self preservation versus a one to one versus a social out of any Enneagram type. How they respond to things that happen. I mean, think about it. It's your biological instinct. This is where nature and nurture really collide, right? So understanding not only like if you're a four, but if you're a self preservation four, how that looks gives you more tools for your tool belt, helps you get unstuck a hell of a lot faster, allow you to have even more compassion for yourself and then in turn other people. It's powerful. This is like next level Pandora's Box in Enneagram land. And there aren't a lot of people teaching this because it's really hard to nail it down. But this is my specialty. And when I work with you doing a Kickstart session or if you're working one on one with me and we determine your Enneagram type, I take it next level and nail down this with you. When I do team workshops and team and corporate consulting and family consulting, we break down all of this. And just as much as I separate everybody by Enneagram type, I will also show you who are the self preservations are in your family or room and organization, who the one to ones and who the social ones are. Because that can change the dynamic of everything. So really, really cool to not only understand this information, but know how to integrate it in your life. Okay, so let's get back to the enneagram 4. I was raised with a 4. She was probably a 1 to 14 if I'm guessing. We don't really have much of a relationship at this point. She's beautiful, she is lovely, but she's not the healthiest, let's just put it that way. The fours definitely want to find their unique self and so sometimes they can try to get attention in any way possible to try and find that. Right. They'll seek attention in any way possible. Now, not all, all of the Enneagram fours are like this and I'll explain in a second because there's a counter type, you know, there's a counter type within each of the subtypes and counter type pushes back against the typical motivation and norms and fears. And they look very, very different than the stereotypes, the memes and, and the things. And a lot of times that counter type, the counter type subtype is the one that gets mistyped as something else. Now just to recap, the three instincts we have, self preservation, we all use all three of these, but one usually dominates. There's usually a secondary that we can kind of have a backup kind of to. And then there's one that's typically like our blind spot or least utilize instinct. Okay, for reference, my stacking is I'm mostly one on one with self preservation not too far behind. I do flow between the three of these now, but social is probably my least. Okay. And I'll explain what these all mean. So we each have a self preservation instinct to preserve our body, its life and its effective function. The self preservation instinct therefore focuses on physical safety, well being, material security and comfort. So when something's happened, they'll. They kind of think, what's going to happen to me? Okay. Anxiety or stress may combine with this instinct to drive you to conserve or hoard energy and resources in response to demands from the environment or other people. Okay. We all have it. There's definitely some of you that fall into like, holy crap, we go into survival mode in that way. Now, the one on ones, my fellow one on one subtypes have a drive to project ourselves into the environment, form alliances and extend yourself through generations. Either literally by passing on our DNA or even more symbolically, by passing on ideas and leaving a legacy. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experience and one on one relationships, driving you to actively seek out opportunities that promise strong, energetic connections with others. So the one on one, when life and things happen, what's going to happen to us? Like my people, my inner circle, okay, the social instinct. We all have the social instinct to get along with others and form secure social bonds. This isn't just with our people, but this is like the collective, right? The environment, the communities, that we're part of the world. This brings a focus on interactions and relationships with communities and groups and a high social awareness of norms and status levels in group. That instinct focuses energy on working towards shared purpose or the greater good. I use Mother Teresa as an example. She's an enneagram 8. She's a more social enneagram 8. I am a more one on one enneagram 8. So the difference between the two is like a social one will like fight for the we, the collective. The one on one will fight for us. The self preservation will fight for themselves. That's their first instinct. Okay, so back to the Enneagram 4. So the self preservation fours, they are often mistyped with enneagram ones and sevens and I see this one a lot. The Self Preservation 4 is also the counter type, where a lot of the memes and stuff make fun of the dramatics. The dramatic, emotional all over the place part that a 4 can kind of express. The self preservation 4 looks very, very, very different. They're very withdrawn when things are happening. Where some fours are dramatic and emotional, this counter type learn to live with pain, suffering stoically and internalizing negative emotions. Where the other two are way more expressive with their suffering. Right. It's why they can be very emotional and they're not intimidated by high intense emotional situations. The self preservation for wants to be recognized for being tough and not complaining. Okay. Even though they are quite sensitive, they may be disconnected from their feelings and prefer to not share their pain with others. Where the other enneagram types 4 can be oversharing sometimes they are empathetic and look out for and try to support others who suffer. This type probably becomes more withdrawn than any other Type the self preservation four because they feel things so deeply, where a five can be more introverted, but a five isn't connected with their heart and energy like a four is. A four feels everything very deeply. And because they're more self preservation, they turn inward. And I'm dating a self preservation four, actually. And like, definitely like the most empathetic human being can feel everything so deeply, but when things are happening, he can really pull back and go into a cave. So the self preservation for it looks very, very different. And when I type somebody as a self preservation four, they're almost always mistyped as a seven, a two, sometimes even a one. And I'll explain why in a minute. The one on one four. So the self preservation four is tenacious, the one on one four is competitive. So this four subtype, the one on one four, is intense and vocal about their needs and feelings and are often described as more shameless than shameful. They often mistype with the three or the eight. They're more out there. I see a lot of threes that are mistyped and they're actually fours. And because they have, you know, that wing, it can happen. But the intensity of experiences as well. They're in the mix and everything. They can be very competitive. And so often mistype is three or eights, especially women. They tend to be demanding and competitive. They escape suffering by being the best in what they do, which is often why they're mistyped as threes and eights. Demanding that others appreciate their needs may lead to a cycle of rejection, frustration, anger. Their ability to express these feelings on demand and anger may mask how sad or confused they really feel. So this is also why a lot of them are mistyped. Because that anger is so out there or that competitive nature is so out there, it kind of hides the fact that they're feeling the shame. Because fours internalize that shame. Where the twos are more expressive of their shame and the three shut it down, the fours internalize it and continue, typically mask it with something else. Now the social four. This emotionally sensitive four is deeply connected to their suffering. This is what I believe my sister was probably. They find comfort in suffering and express it to others, often attracting support and admiration from others. They are not competitive, but have a deep desire to be understood for who they are. They often doubt themselves and focus on what they see as inferiority. They make comparisons to others and blame themselves, triggering strong feelings of envy, jealousy and shame. Self preservation force, to go back, are stoic, strong, long suffering, emotionally sensitive on the inside. They often don't communicate their darker feelings to others. While they feel things deeply and may feel sad inside, they often have a sunny, upbeat exterior as they often receive the message early on that their caretakers, the people that were, you know, their parents, their providers, their school teachers, whatever, couldn't handle their pain or darker emotions. So they've learned how to kind of shove it down. They may feel anxious inside, but they tough things out and have a high tolerance for frustration. It's very fascinating being in a relationship with one of these. The 1 to 1 fours are more assertive and competitive. Like I said, they're not afraid to ask for what they need or complain when they don't get it. They can appear aggressive to others and they strive to be the best and the social force suffer. They focus on their own emotions and the underlying emotional tone of whatever situation they are in. They compare themselves to others and tend to see themselves as less worthy or lacking in some way. They are emotionally, more emotionally sensitive than most of the other types. Okay. And they wear their feelings on their sleeve and connect to themselves through the authenticity of their emotional truth. A lot of the musicians, artists fall into. Comedians fall into the social four. So you can see how understanding the instinctual variances or the subtypes within each enneagram type, you know, for yourself first, like understanding yourself and understanding that, yeah, if I'm a four, I'm a little dramatic. But. But understanding your natural instinct and how that responds to life with the extra flavor of your core enneagram type will allow you to really get to the root of maybe what triggers you, what bothers you, what keeps you stuck, what has you sabotaging. This is like unlocks everything, is understanding these subtypes. And that's why I'm so passionate about bringing the information on these to you. Yeah, you know, your enneagram assessments out there don't tackle this and most of the assessments don't ask questions that would nail down this part. So if you are wanting to really dive deeper into this. It is my favorite thing to do because it's, it's so cool to sit across from you and see not only you feel probably more seen, heard, understood and valued than you have in all your life. And it's just the freaking truth. Because I'm obsessed, obsessed with what I do. Like it is my fate. Like I could do it every day, I do do it every day. But not only that, to see you give yourself permission to shine your frickin light. And this tool, the framework of the enneagram and including the subtypes really unlocks all your gifts and allows you to step into it in the most beautiful, authentic way for you. You don't have to be Susie on Instag. You don't have to be Tracy. You don't have to be anybody but who you are. There was never anything wrong with you to begin with. There is nothing broken about you. There's nothing that needs to be fixed. We just need to understand where along the way things started to get piled on and masked up and started hiding the very gifts that you have to bring to the world. And my goal with you is to help you pull it off brick by brick, get out from underneath the rubble and help you step into and become ultimate leader in your life and in your families and in your homes and in your businesses and in your friendships and in your partnerships, romantically and beyond. Seriously, when we can wear one hat and just change how we wear it, we have the energy to give our very best to all the things that matter to us. I would be honored to take you on that journey. I'm currently taking appointments for Enneagram Kickstart sessions. We will dive into all of this. You'll get a full report. You will get a recording of our call. You will be so seen in a way that feels warm, like a big, warm fuzzy hug. And knowing that you have an eight that has the intensity to back all this beauty up for you and just give it to you straight with so much love and intensity and compassion and all the things to help you really step into that version of yourself that you know is in there. Go to Tracey omelley.com the work with me section and book that session right now. I'm currently doing it. I don't know how much longer I'll be doing it, but also be on the lookout. I'll be bringing something co cool. For those of you that can't make that happen, follow me on Instagram at tracyomalley. I would love to hear what you have learned from. Even if it's not this episode, but any of the other ones along the way. Keep sharing it with your people. When I meet people out and about or when I go speak to groups and stuff. When I hear that they have gotten so much value out of the podcast, it really means the world to me. It's very weird talking to a microphone and not seeing or feeding off anybody's energy. I love like, I love like speaking live to people, but I really want to continue to bring you more and more of the information and integration of these tools that can serve you in your businesses, in your homes and beyond. Nothing better than watching you shine your light on the world, and I'd be honored to join you in that journey. So until next time, you guys, here's to becoming the ultimate leader in your life.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.