EP226: The THREE Subtypes of the Enneagram FIVE (SERIES): Learning Right Alongside the Quiet Specialist

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships, to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And today we are continuing our series on the subtypes within the Enneagram. And I know if you listen to the show, you like the Enneagram. Maybe you're just learning about it. And when I talk about the subtypes, this is like next level Enneagram stuff. And for many of you, you may have taken an online assessment, you may have heard somebody talking about it at a party and it was intriguing. Or maybe you've heard me talk about it and about the powerful, beautiful, incredible personal development tool that it is. I've been in personal development for 22 years. I started when I was 28 years old. And about 10 years ago, I was introduced to the Enneagram by therapist, and it changed everything. It accelerated my transformation. And integrating it in my life has been really, really important. And as you listen, I know you're gathering information. And a lot of you read books. And I get asked all the time, what books to read, what books to read. The best resource, honestly, is this podcast, because not only do I give you information, I kind of clue you in on how to integrate it in your life. Because information doesn't equal transformation. The integration of it does. And so I'm excited to kind of dive a little deeper into the subtypes of the Enneagram. And we're continuing the series on the enneagram 5. And before I do, having the right information, as far as your Enneagram type, if you want to use this as a tool in your life, is really, really important. And I wish there was an easier way. I wish you could just plug some artificial intelligence into an assessment and, you know, boom, there's your answer. It's not like human design or your astrology or anything like that. It doesn't go off your birth sign, it doesn't go off the time or place. You were born. And so a lot of the online assessments, as I've mentioned before, are inaccurate. No matter if they're paid or not, 65 to 70% of the time, they are inaccurate. And so you have a few different options. You take your time with it and let yourself discover this along the way. Or you have somebody that is very professional who's been doing it day in and day out for over a decade, help you with that process so you can have the proper information, so that you can use this powerful framework the way that it was intended in your life, in your businesses, in your relationships, parenting, all of it. I use it in every aspect of my life. And so I do live typing sessions with people. It is the most powerful 90 minutes you'll ever have in your life. You'll probably never feel more seen, heard, understood or valued by somebody that is just meeting you. You see the power of it within a few minutes. Because it's hard to believe sometimes that somebody, maybe who's never met you or maybe was just an acquaintance to start out, can see you so clearly. And that is the gift of integrating this into my life for the last decade is I know the right questions to ask to get right to the heart of things. Whether it's in a typing session with you or out and about. This is a beautiful connecting tool. So you can see how this can benefit business and in your houses and homes. You can go to my website, traceyomalley.com the work with Me section for the Enneagram Kickstart session. I don't know how long I will be doing those as they are stated there. I'm going to be bringing you something very, very special so that I can help make an impact in more of your lives. Without as much time or financial investment to do that. I have been working really hard behind the scenes for many of you to bring it to individuals, families, team, businesses and organizations. I love doing teams and putting all the pieces together for you guys so you can help communicate at a more effective level and help bring out the best in each other. You can also find me on Instagram @tracyomalley if you have any questions about what the typing process looks like or what diving a little deeper with me looks like in my VIP private coaching, think enneagram24.7 every day, you know, having a guide take you through the tools in every aspect of your life in real time. It's powerful, powerful shit. Okay, so back to the subtypes and the enneagram 5. The quiet specialist, sometimes known as the investigator and the subtypes, they are the instinctual variances. They're called subtypes, sometimes called instinctual variances. So there's a lot of things that can confuse things. They refer to our biological survival drives. This is where nature, nurture and learned coping mechanisms kind of collide in enneagram land. And we have three different instincts in enneagram language. Those are self preservation. They are one to one bonding and social groups. And so if you take the three main instincts and there are nine basic Enneagram types, you can actually see there are 27 different Enneagram types. And what I usually will tell people is like, learn the centers of intelligence first. Like start with the three centers of intelligence and then within each center of intelligence there's three types. And then within each of those three types there's three subtypes. So, you know, you kind of graduate to your learning process. Okay. Subtypes, like I said, have also been called instinctual variants by some enneagram teachers. So that can lead to confusion. But I'm going to refer to them as subtypes. And what the subtypes are is how we respond to life. And we use all three. We all use self preservation, one on one, bonding and social. One is usually a dominator. And then there's usually one that's kind of a backup. And then there's one that's more of the blind spot. And as you grow and evolve and get healthier and integrate personal development and growth into your life, not just gather information, but actually integrate all this development into your life, you will be able to flow between the three. And I do at this present time, I'm able to definitely lean into all three. But my primary is one on one. My secondary is probably self preservation. And my, my least is social. But as I've evolved over the last 22 years, I can kind of do all three. You know, I can, you know, speak to rooms and look out for the greatest good in that social instinct. Okay, so a little quick breakdown on what each of them are and then I'll dive deeper into what that means. If you are an enneagram 5, or you love or lead an enneagram 5. So the self preservation instinct is this instinct to preserve our body, its life and its effective function. So when life happens, you immediately go into like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen to me? Okay. This instinct therefore focuses on physical safety, well being, material security and comfort. Anxiety or stress may combine with this instinct to drive you to conserve or hoard energy and resources in Response to demands from the environment or other people. So think a self preservation five who naturally hoards energy and resources. If you're a self preservation or you know, a self preservation five, it's like next level. The one on one instinct is when life happens, like what's going to happen to us? Like me and my very close people, that's when I fall into. And we each have a drive to protect ourselves in the environment, form alliances and extend ourselves through generations. Either literally by passing on our DNA or more symbolically by passing on ideas or leaving a legacy. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experiences and one on one relationships driving you to actively seek out opportunities that promise strong energetic connections with others. So the self preservation is what's going to happen to me. The one on one what's going to happen to us? And then we have the social. The social instinct is that instinct to get along with others and form secure social bonds. Different from the one on one. The social bonds is in the collective, the environment, the community. This brings a focus on interactions and relationship with communities and groups and a high social awareness of norms and status levels in groups. This instinct focuses energy on working towards shared purposes or purposes for the greatest good. Okay, so the social instinct is what's going to happen to we like the group, the bigger picture. Okay, so how does this, you know, navigate with the Enneagram 5, the quiet specialist, the investigator. The Enneagram 5 falls into the thinking center of intelligence with a need for certainty that they are going to be equipped and capable. Their underlying emotion is fear and sometimes anxiety. The passion of the Enneagram 5 is avarice, which means kind of this sense of greed. And I don't mean that they're greedy people, right? But they, they have this feeling that they're compelled to withhold and hold on to what little time, energy and resources they believe they have. So the 35 subtypes are relatively similar to each other. They appear much more alike than some of the other Enneagram types, you know, and their subtypes. All three type fives express a different sense of what they focus on to sustain themselves, given the passion of avari and the corresponding tendency to minimize their needs and connections with others. The Self Preservation 5 acts out that avarice through building and maintaining boundaries. The one on one five through seeking the ideal partner who can be trusted and expressing romantic ideals. And the social five through adhering to specific ideals related to groups and ideas. So as I mentioned, within each of the three subtypes, within each Enneagram type, there's one that is called the counter type and this is the one that kind of pushes back against the other subtypes and or it pushes back against the typical stereotypes or behaviors that this type is known for. And I'll get into which one that is. So the self preservation 5, their keyword is castle. Very protective of personal space and privacy. This self preservation type 5 sets clear limits and boundaries and is very comfortable living in a relatively solitary life with just a few close friends. They would much rather observe social life than participate in it. Often truly, truly introverted, they prefer not to reveal much of their inner self. Finding it difficult to lower their guard for fear of losing their privacy or sense of safety. They express their avarice through having a passion for hiddenness or a sanctuary. They like to hide behind the walls and to be protected. The Self Preservation 5 learns to survive inside those walls and this is apparent in the way that they kind of introvert themselves. And the five is the most introverted on the enneagram anyway. And so if you're a self preservation five or love or lead one, being very mindful and respectful of their need for that quiet introverted time is going to be really, really important. This self preservation 5 needs to maintain boundaries and potential boundaries with others to prevent any threat of deprivation or depletion they might pose. But most importantly, the self preservation 5 needs to have control over his or her boundaries to avoid losing control over or wasting resources, including time and personal space. The problem with this stance however, is that when it tends to the extreme, living in enclosure is not really compatible with having and meeting basic human needs. And I was raised, my mom is a self preservation five and probably the unhealthiest enneagram Self preservation five I know. And you know, even explaining the problem with that stance is really painful because it's true. Like they when they go to the dark side, it's really really painful because they can disconnect. It's their gift and their kryptonite. So in working on yourself, if you're a self preservation five, moving toward non attachment by relaxing your boundaries more and making efforts to connect with feelings like anger, even when it inspires fear or discomfort by trying to be more open with others more often. Also notice how potentially false beliefs about the difficulty of getting needs met leave you impoverished. Now, the 1 on 15 is the counter type. So this is the one that does not look like the others. And the subtype code word for a one on one enneagram five is confidant. The typically cool Analytical five connects to passion in this subtype. So this is where the Enneagram 5 is actually more connected emotionally. This is why they this is the counter type and it looks a little different than the others. They experience strong chemistry with another person, usually only one or two at max, enjoying the connection and trust and openness that this permits. They risk depending on this person to make them feel vibrant and alive, leading them to test their partner's loyalty or resist sharing them with others. They can be a little territorial. This Enneagram 5 definitely can lean more towards codependency. So in the one on one, a one to one five avarice is expressed through an ongoing search for a person or people who will satisfy the one to one Fives need for an experience of the perfect, safest and most satisfying union. While the social and self preservation Fives are more removed from their emotions, the one on one five is intense, romantic and more emotionally sensitive. This five suffers more and a lot of times this five is mistyped as a four. A lot of times this five leans heavier into the four wing than the six wing. Like I said, it's the counter type, but it may not be completely apparent or obvious from the outside. I know I've worked very closely with a one on one five before, and from the outside, you wouldn't know this until you got to know them and then it was very, very apparent. They can seem very much like the other Fives until you touch their soft spot, their romantic spot and inspire these idealistic feelings that they have. One to one Fives tend to be very passionate about a person, sometimes a person that they can't find, like the search for the extraordinary of the social five, the ideal partner in the realm of love is very high. You know, they're seeking it hardcore. They seek something like the ultimate mystical union. And because they are so analytical, you know, they probably have spreadsheets about this, right? The search for this though is such that the test is very hard to pass with consistency. So like a six, you know, the loyal skeptic is, you know, always seeking certainty and support and safety. The five is seeking this through another person. And because the fives, the Sixes, both need certainty in a different way, they're always testing to make sure that that's going to be there. So, you know, for a one on one five, if you fail their test because their gift is the ability to emotionally disconnect, this can be a problem. Trust is the basic issue with this 5. This subtype has such a great need to trust in the other that this need for a great love is not easily satisfied. So the testing in relationships will will defin definitely push partners in business and romantic partnerships to their limit. And it's very easy for this type to be disappointed. And then they can be emotional, right? So the name given to the subtype, like I said, is confidence, but in a special sense of trusting the other. Looking for the person that will be with you no matter what. The partner that you can trust with all your secrets. This enneagram 5, they're very artistic. Like I said, they have a very big romantic side and a vibrant inner life which usually is not revealed very openly to other people unless you're in their little circle. So in working on yourself, if you are a one to one enneagram5, you can move toward the virtue of non attachment. Like I said, that's your gift and also your kryptonite. Through noticing and relaxing the tendency to hold others to a high standard as a way of avoiding intimacy. It's why they do it like they crave it. But it's also like come here, go away. It's their way of avoiding intimacy. Recognizing when you are testing others and allowing yourself to feel into and work with the fear that arises in relationships and the expression of emotions. And finally, the Social 5 totem. Right. In the Social 5 it is as if the passion of avarice is connected to knowledge. So the Social Five may not need so much of human satisfactions and relationships because the passion for knowledge somehow compensates. It's as if they have this intuition that one can find everything through the mind. Needs for like people and sustenance get displaced into a thirst for knowledge. The social 5 is typically more out there than the other Fives in the sense of being more social and able to engage than the other Fives. The code name Totem communicates the need for super ideals. These Fives do not relate to people. They relate to the values represented by certain people. They look upwards toward a high ideal. For the Social Fives. The avarice of the personality type gets acted out through a greedy search for the ultimate ideals that will elevate one's life through providing a sense of meaning through being connected to something special. This enneagram 5 probably has the most tendency towards intellectual arrogance sometimes because they feel this need for more, more, more information instead of being present to what is here now. Again, that's also their way of avoiding intimacy with people and, you know, vulnerability. Social Fives are admiring people, individuals who admire others that express their ideals. In contrast to like the one to one fives who are, you know, more into the people, they can hide out in the pose of an expert, preferring not to feel. They tend to believe the intellect is like the holy grail. Social fives focus on finding the ultimate meaning in life. But in this search they orient themselves so much to finding the quintessential part of life that they become disinterested in everyday life. In search for meaning, the social five can become too spiritual or idealistic. In a way, this actually is a counter to real spiel to real spiritual attainment because it bypasses compassion and empathy and the practical level of how we all connect to each other in ordinary life. That spiritual bypass that we hear a lot, this happens a lot for the Social 5. So the 5, the Social 5's drive to find the extraordinary underscores a polarity between extraordinary and meaningless. Like having an idea that things are meaningless unless the ultimate meaning is found. It's kind of like the three with if it's not winning, you suck or the ones if it's not great, it's terrible. So this is the extremes for the five is found in the social five. So as a result, sometimes they can be mysterious and inaccessible. If the ordinary life doesn't satisfy this drive, they just kind of are floating through life a little bit. So to work on yourself if you are a social five, or if you love or lead a social five, they work toward the virtue of non attachment through broadening their focus from knowledge to emotions and people, recognizing when you may be relating to a high ideal rather than actual humans and share more of themselves and yourself with others in social settings. It can also benefit you, the social five, to notice when you might devaluing everyday life in ordinary human experiences by contrasting it with the super ideal that they may be over idealizing in a defensive effort to avoid the meaningless. I've said this before, like if I was ever stuck on an island with one Enneagram type, I would pick the Enneagram 5 over and over and over again. I find them so interesting. And you know, when they commit to learning about something, they are the expert. And when you find an enneagram5 that is an expert in any field. I have a good friend of mine, she is an enneagram 5 and she's in the mortgage and financial industry and oh my gosh, I could listen to her talk 247 about it, right? So when you find a 5 that is an expert in something, just know that they know the answer to everything in their specialized area. They're very interesting. People, they are deeper, you know, when they. They are moving towards integration of their. Their highest, healthiest self. And their growth number is an eight. So I think that's why I end up working with a lot of Fives. Fives trust me so deeply. And once I kind of explain the framework of the enneagram 5 with the 8 being their. Their growth number, it makes a lot of sense to them. Why? A, they trusted me. B, they know I'm not full of shit, and they know that I can take them to the next level even without knowing the framework that the 8 is their growth number. When I explain that to an enneagram 5, it's like all of a sudden they're like, ah, it all makes sense now. I work with so many Fives, which you can imagine, you know, they're very cautious. They need all the information. So when I end up on a call with a five to, like, see if we're going to be a good fit, I already know without question. They've already vetted me. They've probably listened and binged every podcast episode that I've done. They've Googled the shit out of me because they want to be equipped and prepared for anything that might come their way. So the Enneagram 5 are a special, special, special bunch. Get to know them, but honor and respect their space. You'll get the best out of them when you can do that and know that, like, they prefer to work alone. I also think, you know, the respect of that and understanding it so deeply. And, you know, the five is the eighth stress number. So we have this kind of understanding of each other that, you know, when we can respect that about each other, that's where real growth can happen and connection and real intimacy, which is really hard for the Fives and really hard for Eights as well. So I hope you learned something about all the Enneagram Fives. Even if you're not a five. This is a really important episode to understand because chances are you love or lead a five. Growing up with a five, a very unhealthy five, was. Was very painful, but it also allowed me to have more compassion in not just understanding the information, but integrating the gift of the Enneagram in my life. It is life changing for me. And now being someone that can help integrate this into your life, it is an honor and privilege to do what I do every day. Again, go to my website, tracyomally.com which is very quickly getting a facelift. I'm very, very excited about it. It go to the work with me section. Go to the Enneagram Kickstart for just the typing session. Powerful 90 minutes. Or if you know you want to deep dive into this hardcore, fill out an application for my VIP Private Coaching. It is the most life changing three plus months you will ever have in your life. We will work through every aspect of your life. Some days it'll be work life, some days it'll be parenting. Some days it'll be love and partnership. And we cover it all using the framework of the Enneagram. In your life and beyond. It is an honor and a privilege to help you become the ultimate leader in your life. You guys, if you love this episode, please share it with a friend your communities on Instagram. I am tracyomalley and until next time, stay tuned. I will be bringing you all things enneagram6 next time.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracemalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy oalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.