EP227: (SERIES) The THREE Subtypes of the Enneagram SIX: From Complex and Confusing to Compassionate– Understanding the Loyal Skeptic

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And today we are continuing this series on Enneagram subtypes. It is the next level understanding of each of the nine Enneagram types and we are going to get into it today. I know many of you have been following along and the first five types that I've gone through have opened up your eyes to, wow, this makes a lot of sense. Why you can have two of the same Enneagram type next to each other and it makes all the difference in the world with these instinctual variants and they're not talked about a lot. And I gotta say, the subtypes, otherwise known as instinctual variants, are the number one reason why, why so many of you are mistyped 65 to 70% of the time. Those online assessments will give you an inaccurate assessment and understandably so. You know, artificial intelligence is amazing and the way the world works on the interwebs today, thank goodness for that. But because the Enneagram is complex, it's not complicated, but it is complex and it kind of mixes psychology plus spirituality. It's hard for artificial intelligence to understand what you, you've been through in your life and how you have responded to those things in your life. And so, you know, one of the things that I tell people, if you've got two options if you want to use the Enneagram as a very powerful tool for your personal development. And I've been at personal development myself for 22 years. I've had the Enneagram in my toolbox for 10. I've been teaching it and using it and integrating it in all aspects of my Life for those 10 years. And it is number one, single handedly the number one tool I use in my life every day, other than my faith, quite honestly, faith is first for me and then the Enneagram is right behind, really helps me make sense of God's plan for my life. Quite honestly, it really allows me to understand that, you know, I was designed a certain way and so were you. There is nothing wrong with any of us. Just kind of how we respond to life kind of takes turns. And sometimes it works for us and sometimes it works against us. And the framework of the Enneagram really provides a roadmap back to your soul and God's plan for your life. In my opinion, it is where nature nurture and these beautiful coping mechanisms we've picked up along the way to stay safe, certain and significant kind of collide into this perfect storm. And you know, for some of us, we get way off path and we've been through a lot and you've been through a lot. And sometimes finding our way back to ourselves can be challenging. And usually we've got buckets of shame and regret and judgment and all sorts of things. And why I love the Enneagram so much. It really allows you to look at yourself with so much compassion and grace. And once you can do that for yourself, you can freely do that for other people. And that creates more connection and credibility and intimacy and abundance in your life. I felt the need to share that with you this morning. I think it's so powerful to use this framework. It is not some cutesy, trendy, fun part party game, although I've seen that and I get it and it is exciting and the memes are hilarious. But when you really harness the beauty of this tool and use it in all areas of your life, you will notice the transformation you desire in your relationships, in your bank account, in your businesses, in your leadership. It will accelerate in rates you cannot even fathom. So that being said, you have one of two options in figuring out your correct Enneagram type, because it's kind of important. It is the one flaw in the whole Enneagram system. And it isn't really a flaw, because it is. It is so beautiful. It's not going to be that easy. So you have one of two options, one of which is very, very easy. The other will require you to have a little patience and truth and honesty with yourself. And I'm just going to say it right now. If you've been through a hell of a lot in your life, it might be really, really hard to look at yourself objectively. If you are somebo that carries a lot of shame or you judge yourself harshly, it's going to be hard to discover your true Enneagram type on your own. Is it possible? Yes, it absolutely is. It will Just take some time and you'll have to have patience. But I know as you've listened to my podcast and heard through the grapevine from other people who love and really use the Enneagram in their businesses and their lives, that you're going to want that information faster. And option number two is to find somebody like me that can really help you narrow in on it. And I will say, and I seriously stand so in this, and if you know me at all, you know I'm the worst self promoter, I am the worst marketer of all time. But I will go to toe to toe with anyone and say that there is nobody that can help you discover your true Enneagram type and give you integration tools to use it in all capacities of your life. Like me. God's honest truth. And so your second option is to book a Enneagram Kickstart typing session with me. 90 minutes that will change your freaking life. You probably will never feel so seen, heard, understood and valued. For some of you, that might be very uncomfortable. Because if you're like me, you kind of like to play the chameleon. But I know if you are also like me, you are tired of the cycles continuing. And this is your ticket out of cycles that no longer serve you. If that is something you want to do, go to traciomalley.com the work with me section. I am currently still doing Enneagram Kickstart sessions. I don't know how much longer I will be doing that, so jump on that now. In the very, very near, future, I will be able to serve many more of you in helping you find your proper Enneagram type so that more of you can experience the accelerated transformation you desire. All right, so down to the subtypes. And today we're going to tackle the enneagram 6, known as the Loyalist or the Loyal Skeptic. I am very, very, very close. My person in my life that is like my right hand, my bestie, she is a six. So I know this Enneagram type like the back of my hand. And I gotta tell you, had I not understood this 10 years ago, there is no way we would still be friends. Not even a little bit. Because I would have been probably not good for them and vice versa, right? So this is the power of the Enneagram and especially the subtypes. So like I've mentioned before, the subtypes are the three instincts within each Enneagram type. So for, you know, some housekeeping here, there are nine basic Enneagram types. And within those nine Basic Enneagram types. There are three subtypes or otherwise known as instinctual variants, depending on the teacher or information you're reading. We all use all three of these instincts. But if you're doing the Math, if there's nine basic Enneagram types with three subtypes, that actually means there's 27 different personality types. Now, for those of you just starting out, I don't want you to freak out, turn off the podcast and say it's too much, too complex for me because that's what I would have done a decade ago. I want you to start learning about the centers of intelligence first. Those are the three centers of intelligence. Within those centers of intelligence, there are three enneagram types. But if you understand the centers of intelligence first, that will help you lighten years beyond what you already kind of understand. The next step is understanding the nine basic types and then the master's program to really take your self awareness for yourself and to help others empower themselves and communicate more effectively. The subtypes are where it's at. It's why I focus heavily on it in my coaching. It's why I focus heavily, heavily, heavily on it in my team, business and organization and mastermind coaching. Because although you can have, you know, a room full of three threes, especially in this entrepreneurial land, you can have a bunch of threes right next to each other and each one feels very, very different from the other. And a lot of times people will think it has to do with the wings. There is some element of truth to that. The wings add a few extra tools to your tool belt. But the subtypes or the instinctual variances are kind of like your instinctual response to life when it happens. Like I said, the enneagram is like nature and nurture. And then the subtypes are where our experiences on in life and our coping mechanisms kind of come together in the perfect storm. And again, this is why many of you are mistyped. So within the subtypes, instinctual variances, there are three. Like I said, we use all three of them. Usually most of us have one that dominates and then there's a secondary that we can kind of. It's our backup plan. I see this most often, right? We have a primary and then a backup and then there's one of the three that is usually our blind spot. I gotta say, early on in my life I absolutely was stacked this way. Probably I was self preservation early on or one on one. And then social is my blind spot. But today, because I've really worked on full evolution and growth. I can toggle between all three very fluidly. Social is still my least natural, but I've really worked on fine tuning that and I'll explain what the three of these mean. Okay, so the self preservation type within all nine enneagram types, this person, if you are self preservation 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, let's say self preservation 6, because we're focusing on the 6 today. We each have a self preservation instinct to preserve our body, its life and effective function. So when life happens, the self preservation instinct focuses on physical safety, well being, material security and comfort. Anxiety or stress may combine with this instinct to drive us to conserve or hoard energy and resources in response to demands from the environment or other people. Okay, so when life happens to a self preservation type, their first thought is what's going to happen to me? Okay, so for self preservation sixes and I'll get a little deeper into this because safety and certainty is their number one like motivator. You can imagine a self preservation six losing their ever loving mind when things sidewalk them. Okay. My best friend is a self preservation 6. So I know this one very, very well. It's crazy. It's crazy for them. And this is why understanding this information allows me to have compassion for her and to help her not stay stuck in that spiral. The one on one subtype within any of the Enneagram types focuses on the intensity of experiences and one to one relationships. So when life happens to a one on one subtype, they think, what's going to happen to us? Like our inner circle, this is where yours truly resides. So we each have a drive to project ourselves into the environment, form alliances and extend yourself through generations. Either literally by passing on your DNA or more symbolically, by passing on ideas and leaving a legacy. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experiences and one on one relationships. So the one on one types actively seek out opportunities that promise strong energetic connections with others. One on ones what's going to happen to us? Okay. And finally, the social subtype. And this is just the basics of these three instincts. The social subtypes. When life happens, what's going to happen to we? As in the collective, the group the greatest good. Okay. We each have a social instinct to get along with others and form secure social bonds. This subtype focuses on interactions and relationships with communities and groups and a high social awareness of norms and status levels in groups. The social instinct focuses energy on working towards shared purpose or the greater good, the divine power, God, Jesus, whatever you see As a higher power, but falls into the social subtype in my opinion. And I believe that power is a social enneagram9, and I'll save that for that episode, but we're talking about the 6 today. The loyal skeptic. The passion of the type 6 is fear. So each subtype for the 6 has a different approach to dealing with anxiety and that passion of fear. The variance between the three subtypes is again particularly noticeable in sixes. These three sixes have different energetic temperatures. Self preservation sixes are warm, Social sixes are cool or cold, and one to one sixes are hot. In this kind of area, these subtypes are so distinct that it's difficult to speak of just one six. The sixes are the most unique. In the enneagram, there's something called the phobic six and the counterphobic six. There's many different degrees of sixes in the six enneagram. So I love talking about sixes and because I know it so well, it's pretty awesome. All right, so the self preservation six. Their key word is warmth. The anxiety of the six blends with the self preservation instinct to make fear and insecurity a theme for this cautious subtype. To feel safe, the self preservation 6 build strong alliances and relationships with others. Like once they trust you, they will take a bullet for you. They are sincerely affectionate and warm hearted in their interactions with others. They repress anger and are hesitant to share opinions, preferring to be cautious than risk mistakes. The self preservation6 manifests as insecurity and a fear of not being protected. This is the most phobic of the 36 subtypes. They are usually more reserved and more quiet. But my bestie, she actually mistyped as an 8 because sometimes that fear, like they will be very loud and extreme with it. And I'm not judging it at all, you know, especially if they've been through a lot of trauma, this subtype feels actively fearful the most though in a world they perceive as dangerous. The self preservation six seek alliances. And to do this, they work hard to be friendly, trustworthy and supportive. They're great collaborators, as allies are supposed to be in their heads. The problem is, is they set their people up with that same expectation. And that's why they can tend to get disappointed. And, you know, if you cross them, you're dead to them. The self preservation sixes seek to escape anxiety through seeking the security of protection. And they don't trust themselves enough. Sometimes they feel alone and incapable without outside support. The need for support for this Type is very high. Self preservation sixes want to feel the embrace of family in a warm, protective place where they can feel safe from danger. And you know, when a self preservation 66 has experienced lots of trauma in their family of origin, you can see this kind of manifest in codependency. In a lot of ways, the driving need is for something like friendship or warmth, which makes the self preservation 6 the warmest of the sixes. Being warm is their way of getting people to be friendly and not angry so they won't be attacked. The taboo on aggression they really don't love. Anger that results from their need to depend on others weakens them in the face of others aggression and contributes to their insecurity. So back to the story with my best friend 10 years ago. Because I am very comfortable with anger and I am more, she says, I do everything aggressively. You can see how without understanding and having compassion first for myself and then understanding this information, I would have really been harmful for her, at least in her eyes and understandably so. So the self preservation 6 can look a lot like a type 2 sometimes. And especially the self preservation too, a lot of times. There's two people in particular I know in my life that I would have pegged as twos, but they're sixes and vice versa. And once I get kind of talking a little bit deeper with them, it's understandable. They feel hurtful on the outside but are heady on the inside. That's the difference between a six and a two. So for a self preservation six to really work on themselves, they can move toward the virtue of courage through getting more in touch with their anger, trusting themselves more, taking the risk to make decisions and locating and stating their opinions and preferences. Instead of being vague vague, they need to risk being bad, getting angry and becoming more confident. All right, the one on one sixes, this is the counter type and I've talked about it before. The counter type is the one that doesn't quite look like the others. It doesn't look like your typical stereotypes. The typical behaviors of that. The one on 16 is the counter type 6 and this one tends to be bold. Their kind of keyword is intimidation. They're assertive or even intimidating, which may lead to mistyping as an 8. A lot of times the 1 on 16 is counterphobic, believing that the best defense is a good offense and reacting against typical six fears by running toward fear or danger. This head on approach may appear rebellious or something of a daredevil. Their need to feel strength and safety makes it difficult to connect to their doubts or feelings of vulnerability. So this is the more counterphobic six, right? The one who turns against the passion of fear with strength and courage or avoidance. A lot of times this is. It's a little reckless, and I've seen that before. One to one sixes have a need not just for strength, but for intimidation. This is how they have certainty. This is how they protect themselves. They have an inner program that when you are afraid, the best defense is an attack. And in line with the stance, the 1 to 16 can be fierce looking. This person, the 1 on 1 6, goes against danger from a position of strength. This intimidating expression is very much the essence of the character. If they appear strong, then they won't be attacked. But anxiety in the six is kind of there with this skill and readiness in the face of attack. It's a way that they feel like they're safe, but usually internally they're kind of losing it a little bit. It's not just a strong character, but the kind of strength that makes somebody else afraid. A powerful enough stance to hold the enemy at a distance is something that this one on one six uses as a coping mechanism and a defense strategy. In the counter type 1 to 1 6, the visible character could hardly be called fearful a lot of times. Like, I see why they're mistyped as eights a lot. Because these individuals learn to defend themselves in the face of paranoid fantasies through intimidation in such a way that aggression and fear kind of create this vicious circle. They convince themselves and others that they are not a victim of fear.

In contrast to the self preservation who backs away from threats, the counterphobic 1 to 16 tends to move towards risky situations, Feeling a sense of safety and actually confronting danger. Oh, so where this is different from the eight, Even though they can look a lot alike in contrast to the type 8 who tends to be fearless. Like, truly, the 8 is not afraid of conflict. For the 6, the 1 on 1, the 1 to 1 6, they're motivated by an underlying fear even when they don't consciously feel it. Also, while eights like to create order six, the one to one sixes like to disrupt order and create chaos. So if you love or lead a one on one six, helping them move toward the virtue of courage through learning to allow them to be disarmed, to be more vulnerable. For this subtype, the 1 to 16 courage may not seem as relevant because they look courageous already. But the courage of this six is in the courage of carrying a weapon. Right? Like that's what they use their aggression for. So they need to put down their weapons and get more in touch with their fear. And notice how being strong inhibits their access to their actual vulnerable feelings. All right. And finally, the social enneagram 6. Their keyword is duty. The social 6 connects to social ideals working for a cause or standing up for the weak. They tend to be more black and white thinking than the shades of gray seen by other Sixes. A lot of times I've seen them mistype as Enneagram ones as they are precise and careful and prefer to follow rules and procedures. They're highly rational and dutiful. They work to encourage compliance to rules or collective norms and to ensure that everyone knows what is expected of them, lacking either trust in themselves or other people. So the lack of trust in oneself, like the one to ones or other people, like the Self Preservation. The Social Sixes deal with the passion of fear and related anxiety by relying on abstract reason or ideology as an impersonal frame of reference. They make sure of things through an obsessive reliance on reason and rules and rational thinking. These are the ones with the spreadsheets. The name is Duty. That signifies the social 6, which doesn't so much mean that they do their duty. As they are concerned with knowing what their duty is, there's a concern for the benchmark. They feel they need to know the rules and the points of reference, what the guidelines are, what the party line is and who the good guys and who the bad guys are. And they want to make sure everyone is following the rules. The social 6 typically represents a mixture of the phobic and counterphobic expressions. So sometimes they're quiet and reserved, sometimes they're more aggressive. The Social Six is a precise, cooler character than the Self Preservation Six, and they find safety in being precise about how one should conduct themselves. The Social Six is a stronger character than the Self Preservation six. The greater strength has to do with having more certainty than uncertainty. They don't tolerate uncertainty because uncertainty equals anxiety. In contrast to like the Self Preservation six, the Social Sixes have a love of precision and intolerance for ambiguity. They fear ambivalence. They see things more in terms of black and white than gray. Like I said, this is a big reason why many of them are mistyped as an enneagram 1. Social sixes Sometimes, consciously or even unconsciously fear disapproval from the authorities and think the way to be safe is to do the right thing. And the way to know the right thing is to have clear rules. So typically, the guidelines of whatever system is adhered to becomes that kind of replacement authority for the first authority, the parent, usually the father. The social six finds safety through a total submission to authority and rules, or authority in the form of rules. All right, the Social 6 is kind of like the sheriff. That's, you know, I call it the Enneagram one's the sheriff. They can also look a little bit like a type 3, especially when they're under stress, that is their stressor number. They can tend to be self critical, intellectual and precise, so that they can be mistaken for a 1 or a 3. The social subtype is so precise in the sense that if you're not following their rules, they will call you out. So if you love, lead or are a social enneagram 6, how you can work on yourself or help them is helping them move toward the virtue of courage through learning to act more from the instinctual level and to be more spontaneous. The social sixes need to learn to come more from intuition and less from duty, to go more from pleasure rather than following the rules and to let go of of ideology. It will help you to work toward being freer with instinctual impulses and emotions instead of having your instincts constrained by the fear of making a mistake or displeasing the authority. And, you know, I say this all the time like we don't want to miss the miracles right in front of us. And if we're so fixated constantly for this rigid need for certainty, you will miss the ability to be present, which I think is the number one descriptor for success is the ability to be present in any given moment. And no question about it, if you're thinking so far into the future, which is what creates anxiety and fear, you will miss miracles and the moments and maybe the very people that could actually support you. And for the Enneagram 6, that is their number one goal is to have support and security and certainty. So if you love or lead an enneagram6 or you are, I hope that this really kind of broke it down. The six, honestly, is the most complex because there are so many different dynamics to the enneagram 6 and different kind of rules that apply For Enneagram sixes. I think they're the number one typed because sixes like to know rules, so they want to know what they're dealing with. So I see why sixes are probably the number one typed on the Enneagram. If you loved this episode and you learned something, it would mean the world to me if you shared it with other people. Definitely getting the word out about the integration of the Enneagram in all areas of your life will allow us to communicate better and allow you to become the ultimate leader in your life. If you are interested in diving deeper with me, you can go to Tracy O' Malley.com the work with me section. You can do a typing session or if you know you want to know all the things Enneagram and in real time use this in your life. You can apply for my private VIP one on one coaching. It is not an easy process but let me tell you it will freaking change your life life. I am opening up a spots for April which is my birthday month and I'm very excited about it and I love taking people on this journey. It will change every area of your life from business to parenting to romantic love to friendships to support that you want in your life and finding the framework and that journey back to your own soul. It's beautiful. It's powerful. There's nothing wrong with you. You just maybe need a guide to show you the way back to you. You you guys. I am so grateful for your willingness to show up week after week for this beautiful show if you find value in it and mean the world to me. If you went and left a review however many stars you see fit, an honest portrayal of how you see this show and until next time, you guys.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.