EP230: (SERIES) The THREE Subtypes of the Enneagram NINE: Standing Firm and Using Your Voice with the Adaptive Peacemaker

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula Podcast. And we are continuing and finishing our series on the Enneagram subtypes, which quite honestly are like the Master's program of the Enneagram. We are more than just our Enneagram type. The there are so many beautiful components to this and the subtypes, which aren't talked about a lot because they do make things a little more complex, are next to trauma. I believe the number one reason why most of you are mistyped originally. You've heard me say it many, many times. 65 to 70% of you, when you take an online assessment, even the paid ones are mistyped. And if you are using this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, powerful tool for a personal growth thing, having the right information is really, really important. And it's why I am so passionate about the free resources I give you here on this podcast, the Instagram stories, everything that I really shout from the rooftops. I know I do some funny reels and we poke fun at the Enneagram, but it really is the most powerful personal development tool I've used ever in my 22 years of personal development. And honestly, next to my faith, it is the number one thing that I use. For those of you that want to use it, do use it. Things aren't lining up. I highly encourage you. Even if you think you know your Enneagram type. Book an Enneagram Kickstart session with me because I can break it all down for you. We will make sure you are typed properly and then you can take this framework and really have it work for you and integrate it in all areas of your life, personally and personally, professionally. Seriously. It is powerful. I use it in my parenting, my friendships, my partnership, business and personal. I use it in business growth and leadership development. It is incredible. And today we are finishing out the series on the Enneagram subtypes with the enneagram9. You know, I try to sometimes like, plan how I reveal the nine types when I do individual episodes. You know, the nine, they seem to be the most forgotten sometimes because they are so easygoing and don't make waves. I mean, their main motivator is to create harmony in their environment and internally. And so they aren't one to speak up and say, hey, you forgot me. But they also are, in my opinion, the most wise. On the Enneagram, they sit at the top of the diagram. If you know the Enneagram diagram, it's a big circle. And at the very top is the enneagram9. They are called the Adaptive Peacemaker. Now, there is a big difference between keeping peace and making peace. And when an enneagram 9 steps into their greatness, they are a force that is unstoppable. And for those of you that have a faith that involves Jesus or God, I believe whatever that divine spirit is, whether you call it God, Jesus, the universe, whatever you call it, the highest of power that is divinely guiding you, I believe that source is an enneagram9. They have the ability, when they are in their healthiest of self, to care so deeply, to challenge directly, to be inclusive, to be non judgmental, to really embody true harmony. That doesn't mean keeping the peace or people pleasing. This means having the hard conversations. It means saying the hard things. It means holding you accountable with so much kindness and love. And the subtypes are these instinctual variants, right? And you know, this is probably the number one reason why. Also you can have two of the same Enneagram type right next to each other, and they can appear totally different. A lot of times people think it's the wings and there is a little element of truth to the wings, making different Enneagram types appear different. But those are really just extra flavor for our personality and knowing when and how to use the Enneagram types. But the instincts, the instinctual variants, otherwise known as the subtypes, really are very, very different in how they respond to life. I have said that the Enneagram is a beautiful, beautiful, perfect storm of nature and nurture coming together and interlocking the full experience, the full life experience. Right. I believe God the Divine has this, you know, soul roadmap and soul framework already planned out for you. There's this divine calling on your life and you have this beautif beautiful personality, temperament and disposition. You absolutely do. I believe that is created before you are even Earthside. And then we are dropped into environments and families and circumstances and school systems and experiences that can alter how that gets expressed. It doesn't change that it's there. Sometimes we bury it, sometimes we hide it, sometimes we over express it, depending on your experiences. And that's where the instinctual variants come into play. So these subtypes really can alter how your core true enneagram type gets expressed. And this is why the online assessments are inaccurate a lot of times, because they can't take a lot of your experiences into consideration. They can't really, you know, reverse engineer the experiences you've had. Artificial intelligence is amazing, but a lot of times, if we've had a lot of hard experiences in our life, our true motive and our true fears get really protected behind walls and instincts in which to stay safe, significant and certain. And so I want to talk about the Enneagram 9 and the subtypes because I gotta say, out of all the Enneagram types, I think there is the biggest distinction between the subtypes of the nine. I think that having two, two different kind of subtypes of the nine look probably more different than any of the other kinds, quite honestly. And I'll explain why. So these instincts are kind of what we do when life happens. We use all three of them. These can change, which dominates. And the goal is to be able to toggle between the three different instincts in Enneagram language pretty fluidly. And I gotta say myself Today, in my 22 years of personal development, that I can toggle pretty evenly through the three. There's one that's usually a blind spot for all of us. It is still like my least favored one that I go to, but I can do it. And then there are two other ones that we. One's usually a dominating one, and then there's usually one that's a secondary. And depending on the experiences you've had, especially early on in life, one of these will be the Dominator. Which is why when you take the assessment, it doesn't take this into consideration. And I'm very excited because I am creating something for all of you so that if you can't take the time to sit for 90 minutes with me or you don't have the resources or capacity to do so. I am creating a product that not only will you get assessed properly and typed properly, you will get a beautiful blueprint describing what that means and also a video mini course for each Enneagram type. And I'm saying it out loud to hold myself to it. It is coming in the next few months for you. So get Excited about that. And it will cover the subtypes which. That's the gift right there. So we use all three. We have self preservation, we have the one on one and we have the social instincts. And when life happens to a self preservation type of any of the enneagram types types, we have this instinct to preserve our body, its life and its function. So the self preservation instinct focuses on physical safety, well being, material security and comfort. When life kind of happens, either good or not so good, the first instinct is what's going to happen to me? Okay. Anxiety and stress can combine with that instinct to drive you to conserve or hoard your energy and resources in response to the demands from environment or other people. So that's your self preservation one. The one on one instinctual variant, which is also sometimes called subtypes in Enneagram language and other teachers out there. The one on one subtype. When life happens good or indifferent, that instinct kind of thinks what's going to happen to us like me, my close, close people, right? Because we each have a drive to project ourselves into the environment, to have alliances and extend ourselves through people and generations. Sometimes by passing on our DNA and usually more symbolically by leaving a legacy and passing on ideas. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experience and one on one relationships. This is where yours truly falls into play. This is the one that I dominate in. And then I. My secondary one is definitely self preservation, especially when it comes to business and money. And my least one used is social. But I do use it pretty effectively now. All right. The one on one instinct focuses on the intensity of experiences. And it drives this subtype to actively seek out opportunities that promise strong energetic connections with others. And finally the social instinct, the social subtype. When life happens good or indifferent, what's going to happen to us or we as the collective? Like the group, they don't think about themselves first. Mother Teresa was a social subtype. Martin Luther King was a social subtype. And the social subtype has a. An instinct to get along with others and form secure social bonds. So this brings a focus on interactions and relationships with community, communities and groups and a high social awareness of norms and status levels and groups. The social subtype focuses energy on working towards shared purposes or the greatest good. Now the passion of the nine is sloth. So they in their drive and their desire to have harmony, right? They can kind of drag their feet, they can procrastinate, not have an opinion. That's when they're not at their healthiest, right? And so like that sloth like energy, that's like, I like to think of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It's like, I don't care. Whatever you want. But the three nine subtypes all express a need for fusion in the service of the passion of sloth. Because merging with something other than themselves acts as an unconscious way of distracting themselves from their own reluctance to act on their own behalf, from their own sense of self. So each of the three subtypes demonstrates a different focus of that fusion. They fuse with one other person, or they fuse with the group, or they fuse with their own body or physical comforts. But this comfortable fusion with something else comes at the expense of life or finding their own ability to connect with the subtle level of life within themselves. Now, the self preservation type, I've said this before, out of all nine types and all the subtypes. So this type, the self preservation 9 out of all 27, honestly, when they're not at their best, they're the hardest to pull out of it. Out of all the Enneagram types I've ever worked with, the self preservation nine are the most resistant to opening up, to letting them be seen. It is the most eightish nine. Not in their expressive explosiveness, but on their need to not be controlled. Right, because the 8 doesn't like to be controlled, but they're more explosive with letting you know that the self preservation 9 is more passive aggressive, very stonewally. This subtype is concerned with meeting physical needs, focused on activities such as eating, reading or sleeping for their comfort and well being. These activities are typically a strategy to escape or comfort themselves through fulfilling their appetites. Peace and time alone are important to them, and they may be irritable and stubborn when others upset their balance or create problems. Now, the key word, the subtype key for this self preservation type is appetite. And the name given to them as appetite. It's not about eating necessarily, it's at a deeper level about the need to find protection through the comfort of merging with an experience of the satisfaction of the physical needs. Right. So in this way, The Self Preservation 9 fuses with a sense of comfort and physical satisfaction as a way of expressing the sloth involved in unconsciously avoiding being more open to the rigors of a more active and engaged life. Right. The type 9, the Enneagram nines, is the core point of what is sometimes called the self forgetting triad. Right. Like the nines are probably, and we hear about the twos a lot, being, you know, over givers. Well, yes, the twos can do that. But the nines self forget in order to have harmony. Right? All three types at the top of the Enneagram in one way or another go to sleep to their own needs or wants through getting lost in one activity or another. Like nines can be very distracted. Self preservation 9 simultaneously avoid or forget their own being. This is how they aren't controlled. Like having a self preservation 9 in your life. You might feel like they could actually take or leave the relationship completely fully. And it's not because they don't care about you. They care very deeply. But they learn how to disconnect. Because if they cared too much or if they attach too much, then they are controlled by a desire. And so especially the self preservation nines, they learn to shut it down. And it can feel very abandoning the pain of experience of an underlying underlying void of being. That's why they really don't have much of an opinion. But if you try to push them or control them or give them certain timelines or restrictions, that's when you'll see a more passive aggressive, usually very quietly, they will like selectively hear you. For self preservation nines, it can be safer to hide out in the comfort of a familiar routine than have to show up and risk potential conflict or overstimulation. It is way easier to erase oneself through comfortable activities than to show up and put yourself out there for whatever might happen that doesn't feel peaceful and harmonious. Like I said for the Self Preservation 9, it's like there's this sense of giving up on the need for love and a corresponding search for comfort in activities that are pleasurable to you and the fulfillment of appetites to compensate for this lack. It's powerful. The self preservation 9 is more irritable and stubborn and has somewhat stronger presence than the other two nines. But it's a very quiet presence. Let me tell you though, they also experience a sense of inertia with regard to taking action. They have a tendency to seem more solid and to be more eightish than the other two nine subtypes. But they're not vocal usually with it. Self preservation nines tend to want more time alone than the other subtypes in the 9. These nines often have a distinctive sense of humor in working on yourself if you're a self preservation 9 or if you love or lead one helping them or yourself moving towards the virtue of action. That is the virtue where the vice is sloth. The virtue is action through making more conscious contact with with your anger. That is the underlying emotion for the enneagram9 you wouldn't think being called the adaptive peacemaker that anger would be there. Oh, but let me tell you, it is there. So being in touch with that and being more proactive and thinking through and acting on your own self interest, it will help you if you can use anger to connect to your deeper power and your actual desires and let yourself have thoughts, opinions, desires so you can show up more in the world and and you can risk acting more on your own behalf and in support of your needs and wants. So that is the self preservation nine. Now the one on one nine. This subtype kind of fuses with significant others in relationships as a strategy to feed your sense of self and sense of comfort. The 1 on 19 tends to feel more secure when partnered with others and may find it challenging to be on your own. You are resistant to paying attention to yourself. Your passion and desires tend tend to go along with the preferences of others. They are the one that is most likely to say I don't care whatever you want. Even if this means sacrificing their own plans and needs. One to one nines have a need to be through another to gain a sense of being not found inside themselves through fusion with somebody else. They may have the sense that there are no boundaries between their experience and that of important others, such that sloth is acted out through a total focus on and merger with someone else as a way of avoiding one's own sense of being a separate self. Right. It's where they're fused together. So the keyword for the one on one is fusion. The person with the one on one subtype exemplifies the use of relationship to feed one's own being because it is too painful or too threatening to be on your own. The problem inherent in the 1 to 19 stance is that true union requires that both people stand on their own feet before coming to meet. But these people may experience difficulty in locating their own passion for living and so may look for it through finding it in another person. So the social I'm sorry, the one on 19 is very prone to codependency. Just like some of the twos can be. Right. It's the unconscious use of relationship to feed your being because you are not standing on your own two feet in terms of living out your own sense of purpose. You know, because you have this desire for harmony and because that instinctual variant is about your intimate close relationships, you can see where where you can get into a slippery slope there. This is a kind of substitution or compensation of another's agenda for one's own because it is more comfortable to stand or be through the other. The one on one nines may not even realize that you have made the substitution as losing oneself in another may happen at an unconscious or subconscious level. Like I said, when nines aren't their best, they're really hard to help. See this? I love working with nines and I love nines and entrepreneurship. That's why for some of you nines it is really really hard. It is really, really hard because your need for harmony and entrepreneurship is not for the weary and you have to be polarizing to stand out to solve problems in the world. That means you're going to have to call some things out and for the self Pres. In the one on one nines this can be particularly difficult. The one on one nines tend to be very kind and gentle, tender and sweet and the least assertive of the three nines. They are loving people, but their affection can be suspicious and then they can be too dispassionate. The 1 to 19 can look like a type 2, like I've been saying, or sometimes even a type 4. They may experience or express similar themes and feelings related to relationships like melancholy or loneliness, where the four can feel that the nine can present that as a way to find harmony, right? And a fear of separation and abandonment. So if you are a one on one nine or you love or lead one, helping them ultimately move toward right action through recognizing and acting on their deepest need for separation and trying to experience aloneness more, making conscious boundaries and not always finding a sense of being through other people or company. In working on yourself, you need to explore your own interests, feelings and desires to find your own identity and sense of purpose. So if you are loving or leading this subtype of the Enneagram nines, asking them their opinion and holding firm to it will be really, really important. They're so easygoing with you that usually a more assertive type is with a one on one nine because they don't challenge it. But we want these nines so that they can step into their Yoda like divine wisdom. Because like I said, they're like Yoda. They're like the divine source. They have to be able to stand on their own two feet and care deeply. They always will care deeply. But to be able to challenge directly and know that even a little disruption of harmony in the short term is really, really how you find harmony in the long term game of life. All right, now finally, the social enneagram 9 is also the counter type and on the previous episodes I talked about the counter type. And within each Enneagram type there is one that does not look quite like the others. This is the one that pushes back and against what the typical stereotype, the typical behaviors are of their type. So the Social nine is that. And what I have found in entrepreneurship and business is if you are a 9 in this space, you are usually a social type 9. If you are 9, participation is their key in Enneagram language. So this friendly Social nine counter type leans in and participates fully, often taking the role of mediator or facilitator. In groups, the Social Nine puts their own issues aside. They maintain a happy front to avoid burdening others and make sacrifices to meet group needs. They take comfort from feeling part of things in a broader group or community, working hard to keep the people in their life happy. They may run risk of becoming a workaholic, hiding their pain or stress. A lot of times I see Social Nines mistype as Enneagram threes. Like I said, the Social Nines are the counter type in that they can be workaholics. They express sloth through merging with the group, working hard in support of group interests, and prioritizing the group's needs above their own. These are the people who are generous and unselfish, mindful of the group, and gifted in satisfying the needs of others to the point where they sacrifice themselves to satisfy the responsibility others want to put on them. The Social Nines can also be super fun, loving, funny, sociable, but when they work hard, they don't show their pain and they don't burden others with their stress. Social Nines are characters with a need to feel a part of things that expresses and overcompensates for an experience of feeling different or not fitting into the group or community. The Social 9 is light hearted, fun, a fun character who expresses a driving need to feel a part of things. The underlying experience of not belonging to the group drives the Social 9 to overcompensate by being generous and sacrificing to do whatever is necessary to meet the needs of the group and and in leadership specifically, whether in your homes or in your businesses. This is also called enabling. Like you're not helping people step into their greatness. If you are dimming yourself down. There is a passion or need for doing what is necessary to be admitted to the group, to be one with the group. But it takes a lot of effort and the Social nine can work hard in this effort. This is why I think they also can be mistyped as threes, but also try not to let let others see how big this effort is or how much energy it requires. They don't feel they're suffering very much and they don't feel euphoric highs either. They are more in the middle emotionally. So Social nines are especially gifted mediators, like the divine Spirit was definitely a social 9 in that they naturally want to translate differing opinions so that everyone is heard and conflict in the group is avoided. This person can be a very, very good leader, the best kind of leader in the sense of being a good person, being unselfish, there to totally satisfy the responsibility that others want to put on him or her. Social Nines can look like threes because they work very hard and accomplish a lot without showing their stress. Right. They can also be mistaken for twos in that they are much more active in meeting the needs of others. So if you are a social nine or you love or lead one, you can help them move toward the virtue of action, right? Action through getting in touch with their sadness about not fitting in, that that underlies their upbeat, happy demeanor and observing and becoming more conscious of how working hard to support the group might distract you. It's a way that they dissociate from your own personal evolution. I love nines. Nines, really, like I said, they are that divine highest power. They really, really are when they use their voice and have their opinions, even if it creates a little disharmony for a season or a short period of time, you. You make us all stand in integrity. You make us be true to who we are when you are at your best. So the adaptive peacemakers, more than any other type, your job is to get to your very best, healthiest self and to find that inner voice no matter what. No matter what. And if you are listening and you're like, geez, now I don't know what my types are. I don't know what my type is. You've to listened, listened to all nine in these series and you really want to break it down. Go to Tracy O' Malley.com, the work with me section right now to book your one on one session with me where we will, we will cover your enneagram type, your subtype, your wings, your growth number, your stress numbers and how to integrate it in your life. It will be the most powerful, powerful 90 minutes of your life. You will never feel more seen, heard, understood and valued. And I know sometimes for an enneagram 9, that feels really, really good and also very very scary. But this is how you will be able to use your voice and step into the calling that's been on your life so that you can use it and do what you're here to do. You will create harmony, but sometimes we have to have a little disruption before the harmony can really be true. And we want that harmony to be true, not manufactured, right? Like I said, coming soon. I'm bringing something very special to you. So if you don't want to sit down with me or you don't have the time or resources to do so, you can see still get this beautiful information. I would love to know what you thought about this series on the subtypes. If you are taking so much value from this, I would appreciate if you shared it with somebody who you think would benefit from it. If you are extra loving it, please leave a review if you feel called to do so. But it is always my purpose and I'm always so excited and honored to be on this journey with you to help you become the ultimate leader your life. You guys, this is beautiful. This is a beautiful tool to help you quit playing small, to quit the self sabotage, to really step into who you are and who you were always designed to be. And I am always here with you by you, cheering you on. Always. You guys, until next time. I'll talk to you next time.

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