EP238: Your Most Asked Enneagram Questions Answered!!

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And today I want to share with you some of the most popular questions I get and my answers to them. You know, as someone who gets lots and lots of questions about the Enneagram, not just here on the podcast or on Instagram or social media, but anywhere I go, it's kind of well known at this point the people that I hang out with or the people that I work alongside that, you know, I'm the go to to talk about the Enneagram and I love it. You know, you love what you do and you are never sick of talking about it. I love putting pieces of the puzzle together. I've always been somebody that likes puzzles and the Enneagram is like this human puzzle. I thought that I would give you some answers to some of the more common questions that I get and I haven't done a question and answer episode in a while. I thought it would be helpful. And if you ever have questions, you can always hit me up on Instagram tracyomalley or you can hit me up on the email@inforaciomalley.com My goal is always to bring you the most integrity filled answers around the Enneagram because it is more than just a personality thing and it is not just this trendy, cutesy little thing. It is a powerful, beautiful, amazing tool. And it is my goal to help you learn how to use that and integrate it in all areas of your life. So one of the questions I get for those that hear what I do, they're like, what is the Enneagram? For some of you, you want all the details and I always use this phrase gts, Google that shit. But I'm a bottom line me kind of person and you know, the Enneagram is a personality typology similar to things like Myers Briggs strength finders disc, even astrology in my Opinion. It's these insight into how we operate and how we behave. It is based on nine different architectural types of personality. And those types are based on our internal motivation and what I will usually say to people because again, I'm putting this in simple terms, right? It is a combination of nature and nurture kind of colliding. And then our learned beliefs and coping mechanisms early on kind of can alter how that gets expressed. And so the real beauty in the Enneagram is digging deep, unpacking and uncovering some of the stuff that we've put on top of our core motivation to protect ourselves and protect our biggest fears from happening. Right. A lot of these other personality things are based on behaviors. And although they are helpful in seeing behaviors and identifying behaviors and how people operate, a lot of times behaviors are just a cover for our true motive. Like I said, you know, covering up our fears, covering up, you know, what motivates you, our insecurities, things like that. Behaviors don't just get to the root of it. And the Enneagram can help you do that. Now, just because you know your Enneagram type doesn't mean the magic just happens. It's what you do with the information. It's. It's how you in integrity, not just for yourself, but as you learn about other people, that's really, really important. So that's how I like to explain it. I also like to explain the Enneagram as a roadmap to your soul. You know, we were born, we are born with our divine calling, our own temperament and disposition. And how that gets expressed can change depending on the environment, circumstances, families, experiences, whatever has gone on in your life, how that gets expressed can change. And for a lot of you, if you were like me, it wasn't until I was really like 40 years old that I really turned around and got back on this road, back to my. My true soul. The true soul. And the Enneagram is kind of the fast pass to that roadmap if you choose to use it that way. All right, so probably the biggest question I get, the most common question I get is how do I find out my Enneagram type? Right? Because this is what I do all day long. I know that typing can be anything but simple. So I point people into a few different directions and you know, you can do your own research and that's a beautiful process. You know, this is a self discovery process. Obviously this is something that I do and I'm very, very, very, very skilled at. You know, the online assessments are a starting point they absolutely are not the end all, be all. By any means. 65 to 70% of the time, they are inaccurate.

You know, artificial intelligence is great, but it can't take certain circumstances that have gone on in your life that are masking your true core fears, your true core motivations. So a lot of times it's a great starting point. And if you choose to go the online assessment route, nothing wrong with that, but know that you're going to have to do a little bit more digging. And if you aren't as skilled as somebody that is professional at this, then just know that it's going to take you some time. I use this description a lot like Disneyland, right? If you've ever been to Disneyland, it's quite the task to tackle that entire world of Disneyland or Disney World. There's many different parks, there's lines, there's obstacles, there's all these things. And I'm not somebody who likes to take my time with things when I decide there are certain things I like to take my time with. But when I want to do something or want to understand something, I'm a fast pass kind of girl, right? But if you go and, you know, start with an online assessment and then do your own discovery process, just know that you're going to have to make many trips back to the most magical place on earth, which is you. Right. You're going to have to, you know, maybe explore differently, different parts of yourself to get the true experience out of it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. I will say, you know, if you have the wrong roadmap, you might be going in a direction that doesn't serve you right. And if you're somebody like me that wants to understand what you're dealing with and have the right information, then working with somebody like me, whether it's, you know, more in depth or just a kickstart session where we absolutely get your type nailed down. We go through the motive, the fears, the wings and how you use them, because you should be using both wings. They're, they're beautiful tools in your toolbox. You don't just use one, your growth and stress numbers and what that looks like in integration into your life. And I'm still currently doing those Enneagram kickstart sessions. That's the, the best way, honestly, to get the true information and some tools and how to integrate it in your life. You can go to my website@tracyomalley.com the work with me section and sign up for an Enneagram kickstart session. Honestly, it's the most powerful 90 minutes you might spend ever. You might feel more seen, heard, understood, and valued than you ever have in as well. So I strongly encourage you to do that. You can also find me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You know, because the Enneagram is based on motivation and not behaviors, finding your core type isn't as simple as taking those quizzes. But like I said, it's a good place to start. I'd recommend reading about all nine types. But again, you know, behaviorally, you might look like one type. And if you usually, if one just jumps right out at you, chances are a lot of times it's not necessarily your type. Okay. This is something that comes up a lot in coaching people that I strongly emphasize. So I've been really hurt by people assuming things about me because of my Enneagram type, and I've heard a lot about this. Or people that drink the Enneagram Kool Aid and then they take it upon themselves to start typing people or telling people like, oh, that's such a, you know, we'll use me such an eight thing to do. Right? There is so much good that comes with the Enneagram, and especially with it gaining popularity, but it is definitely one of the negative parts of it. It's out of integrity quite often. And I get like, most people don't mean to be hurtful with it, but if you love the Enneagram, I will say this loud and proud. Please don't ruin it for other people by putting people in a bo. Um, if they ask you questions about it, you can direct them to somebody that does it day in and day out, which I strongly recommend. There's also this beautiful way of using the Enneagram without ever mentioning it. And this is how I coach people, you know, because a lot of times people want to understand the people that they love. They lead, they parent, they work with the human race in general. And I teach people how to ask and discern at least a ballpark of where you're at without ever mentioning it to the person in front of you. For five years, I was using the Enneagram thoroughly in my home, in my businesses, in my friendships, my relationships. I was using it over and over and over and integrating it in all areas of my life, and nobody ever knew it. I never told somebody, oh, you know, you're a blank. Oh, you're a this. Never, never, never. But I could discern by really curious, authentic questions that I could assess and ballpark where somebody was on the Enneagram spectrum and framework. And then I started speaking to them as though they were. Because I actually give a shit about people, right? And you will know when you land because you'll get this look on their face like, oh, my gosh, are you reading my mind? Right? But for those of you that have been hurt by people assuming things about you or judging you or you feel like people have put you in the box, which is the whole reason why 10 years ago, I didn't want to take the Enneagram assessment. I didn't want to be labeled or put in a box or assumed things about me, because it's like, you know, in true eight form, you don't know me. I don't show you those parts of me, right? But because the Enneagram is such a gift in so many lives and such a beautiful tool when used in integrity, I am sorry if that has been your experience. And I can guarantee you that the people who made you feel that way aren't using the framework correctly. You know, a lot of times, like I said, people are excited about it, and so they don't have the education, experience, information before they kind of start popping off at the mouth. One of the problems with the Enneagram becoming so mainstream is that there is a lot of information out there that is not actually accurate or very well kind of vetted. And these miscommunications lead to stereotyping and trying to simplify a rather fluid and complex framework. You know, there's a reason why I've been studying and integrating this for 10 years, and I'm learning something new every single day. And that's why five years ago, I decided to be out loud and proud with it, because I saw this happening. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is way more. More than like a cutesy little thing, right? So if that has been your experience or you have been on the delivering end of that because you're excited, please refrain from doing that. We don't want to turn people away from this beautiful tool. If they ask, you can give some information, but direct them to maybe somebody who, like me, who can give them more information. Direct them to this podcast. Right? I love it and I love this. You know, there's a lot of people that don't believe in something like the Enneagram. I was one of these people. Like I said 10 years ago, I don't believe in boxing myself into a personality type. Totally get it. And as an Enneagram aide, I don't want to be controlled or put in A vulnerable or compromising position. And if you know this information, you can label me, box me in, even control me. Here's the thing, this will actually allow you to get out of the box that you put yourself in, the world maybe has put you in. This might actually give you a lot of freedom, compassion for yourself, and an understanding. And one of the things in understanding, truly the core beauty of the Enneagram is I was able to exhale. I'd never force anybody to box themselves in. It's why I felt such freedom from it, which is why I'm passionate about bringing it to you. Because it's revealed blind spots in my own life. And I'm very self aware. And I've been in this personal development game for 22 years. But it's helped me see blind spots in myself, which allowed me to have compassion when I understood where they were rooted from. And once I was able to do that for myself and able to give me more grace for myself, in turn, I was able to see and deliver that for other people. Right? Even people that weren't wired like me. You know, you definitely don't need to be into the Enneagram, but understanding personality is so much more than boxing people into their behaviors. And if you have any kind of understanding or desire to really serve people at the highest level, you understand that a lot of the behaviors we show the world are protective mechanisms, mechanisms that are based on different kind of core fears and motivations. And if you care about people, whether it's those you love, lead or parent, then understanding at a deeper level will be very crucial. And the Enneagram is one of the more fluid personality frameworks and growth tools. And it gives you a faster pass into communicating more effectively. And not only you feeling seen, heard and understood, but giving that gift to other people. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Okay, I get asked a lot about relationships. And so like my Enneagram type is, you know, you fill in the blank. What type am I most compatible with in romance or friendships? This is absolutely. Whenever I, you know, say, hey, ask me your questions. This is at least 50% of them. And I do have relationship compatibilities in my highlight bubbles on my Instagram page. I should do more of that because I get they want to hear about this pairing, but this is what I believe about compatibility and the Enneagram, it really isn't a thing, because any healthy person can be in relationship and compatible with any other type of person. And in fact, I think the ones that challenge us the most can offer the most Growth. Right. We see patterns of certain Enneagram types being drawn to others for sure. But because every Enneagram type has something in common, we tend to be drawn to every type for different reasons. Romantic and friendship compatibility has a lot to do with the health of the individual and the growth. Not just I've read this many books or I listen to these many podcasts or I hired this coach. No, like the integration of the work. So it has to do with the health of the individual and very little to actually do with their specific Enneagram types. I am proud to say today, you know, I can get along with any Enneagram type at all. I could be in relationship with any Enneagram type because I know how to effectively communicate with them. And I'm also able, you know, and I discern whether this person is healthy enough to even engage in conversation. That's another thing. And it's not a judgment thing. But I can understand pretty quickly if somebody is open to, to bigger thinking, accountability of their own communication styles and behaviors and actions, and if they're open minded to doing things a little different than them. And if they're not, then I really don't say much. Right. But as I have grown in my own health, I have been able to make very wise decisions on who is safe for me to completely show all my vulnerabilities. And that has to do with my own health and my willingness to understand other people. So know this. Like there are a few Enneagram types that challenge me a little bit more than others, but that has more to do with their level of health and them in stress than their actual Enneagram type. So please know that, you know, your responsibility is to keep growing yourself and becoming stronger in compassion and empathy for yourself and. And then giving that to other people. You'll see that the types of relationships that you attract will change.

And that will be something that's beautiful. There are so many different Enneagram teachers and styles. What is yours? This is something that I love and how I know that even though there are lots of Enneagram beautiful teachers of information, very few of them can really get in the trenches with you and in real time show you how to integrate this tool in your life. And that is my style. I'm an integration teacher. I may not make the best, most beautiful quote cards and shareable content. I am getting a little better at the funny parts of the Enneagram with my Instagram reels. If you haven't checked that out, please do. Because they're funny. But there are a lot of great teachers, you know, some of the originators, you know, they're great Beatrice Chestnut, Suzanne Stable, they're great information teachers. And there's a lot of Christian based teachers. Again, a lot of information. And it is a lot of information. If you don't know what to do with it, it just kind of becomes cluttery. Right? So what I can always promise you is I won't just give you information. I will give it to you in real life. Tangible. Like this is how to apply this in your, this area of your life. This is what this means. And then how to shift that and use the actual roadmap of your soul and the framework of the Enneagram to have you maximize your growth, the way that you effectively communicate, and for you to have all the things in your life that you desire or deserve. All right, what is an Enneagram coach? Enneagram coach is someone who has taken classes and passed tests on Enneagram knowledge. And you know, that being said, I was an Enneagram coach, but before I was certified in any kind of program because I've been using it. You know, I'm somebody who did not graduate from college. I quit about a semester before I was done. And I'm still very well versed. I have a PhD in experience, you know. But that being said, you know, a lot of Enneagram coaches that have gone through certification processes and programs have actually hired me to work with them. Being knowledgeable in the Enneagram system as a whole helps them come alongside people and help them figure out their typing. But master level coaching is showing people how to integrate tools into their life, not just educating them on tools. You might just want the education and understanding of it and by all means, go for it. But if you get frustrated, why you have an understanding, but you don't know how to use this in your life. This is the problem in personal development as a whole. Whether Enneagram or not is so many things are out there to give you information, but there's not a lot of people that are willing to get in the trench with you and hold your hands and actually show you how to use it in your life. I want to learn more from you. What is the best way to do that? Well, there's a few ways. And you know, I've had a lot of people ask me if I train and certify coaches under me. Currently, that is a no. I've been asked that for quite some time. And trust me, as a business professional, on paper, that makes Brilliant sense financially, because there are quite a few people that would love to learn from me, and I take that very, very seriously because I am somebody that really operates in integrity in all that I do. I haven't felt comfortable in putting together a certification program because I don't know what people outside of if their work with me will do with it, and I'm not comfortable there yet. I might at some point, but the best way to learn from me is right here on this podcast. You know, there's over 200 and something, I think 240 episodes at this point that deliver real talk, my real story, my understanding and integration of the Enneagram, not just for myself, but with thousands and thousands of people over the last decade. I would say probably if you love the way that I deliver this information and it makes a lot more sense, then please, whether you know your Enneagram type or not, book a kickstart session with me and we will break it down. And that will give you, you know, an appetizer of what I can do alongside you in your life. The best way to learn from me is to be a private one on one client of mine. I just finished up with a few of my private clients, so I have room in my schedule for a of you. Imagine not just understanding your Enneagram type, but having somebody every single day, 247 on speed dial. That can help you with very specific instances that come up in your life. You know, it's one thing like, hey, I want help in my marriage or my relationships, or I want to make millions of dollars or, you know, parenting. All of that, we can tackle all of that. And that's beautiful. But what, what you can't ever prepare for and what a lot of coaches won't provide you is real time. When things are happening in real time, in real life, with 2020 happening, I mean, that was the biggest, like, we have no control over what happens over us. It's how we respond to it kind of thing that really brings us to attention. And when you work private, privately, one on one with me, when things happen, when things come up real time, you got into a fight with your spouse, or, you know, you lost your job, or, you know, one of your kids is acting out and you don't know how to speak effectively to them, or maybe you struggle with, you know, numbing yourself or sabotaging yourself. And in real time, you have somebody that not only fully understands you at their core without judgment, but has the skill set, the tools, the experience. This is the beauty of being 50 as well that I can guide you through those things with a lot less sabotage, procrastination, damage and build confidence in you that not only do you understand the tools but you have confidence in how to integrate them in all areas of your life. And private one on one coaching is my favorite thing to do. I will always do it till the end of time. It is my favorite thing to do. And you know I've been told like I should scale bigger and and I will. But even when I do, even when I do and touch the millions with my Enneagram wisdom and knowledge, I will always do private one on one coaching. And that is for you. If you have had enough, if you have hired people before, maybe you even have some coaching PTSD or you've done the programs or gone to the events or you listen to thousands of podcasts and you have bookshelves upon bookshelves of personal development books and for whatever reason it's just not moving the needle as fast as you want. Private one on one coaching with me is the time for you. You can go to my website@tracey omalley.com in that same work with me section. It's the third option down. Private one on one coaching. I would be honored. I take it very seriously the work that I do and I'm an over giver when it comes to that. So. And you will hear about my life in real time too because I share a lot of my experiences with you so that you can can see how I integrate it. You know, some of the best teachers, you know, know the way, go the way and show the way in their own lives and their own experiences. And that is my goal with every private one on one client. And if that is something you need in your life, know that you're hearing this for a reason right here and right now. And I would be honored to walk this journey with you. I have tons more questions. I will save it for another episode cause I like to keep these short and sweet. But please keep your questions coming. The things you want to learn, understand and integrate in your life about the Enneagram. I am your go to person for the integration of this beautiful soul framework in your life. And as always I am here to help you become the ultimate leader in your life. And until next time, you guys, I'm so grateful for you. Please share this episode with somebody that needs to hear it. It always blesses us so much. The more people that can hear our show here at the Leadership Formula, the more that I can help make an impact in all of your lives. You guys. Thanks again.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceeomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.