EP246: Live Enneagram Typing Session - Understanding the Difference If You Type as Enneagram 1,3, or 8 with Lindsay Fricks (Enneagram SO 3)

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships, to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Hello. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. We have another one of your favorite types of shows where we do live typing. And I have brought to you my dear friend Lindsay Fricks, who I met in a beautiful Mastermind, where everybody in that group are like high achieving ballerina people. And I don't say that as a way to exclude anybody, but I want you to know that what we're going to discuss today, if you think that just having more or hitting a certain status takes the problems out of your life, I'm here to tell you, it just magnifies them. And we were just chatting for about 45 minutes about all the things. I was kind of filling her in on what she is on the Enneagram because she's very new to it. She joined the Mastermind and everybody was speaking, speaking this secret Enneagram language. And she's like, I want to know. I want to be in that club and know what this is, what this is and what's in it for me. And so I'm excited to share with you guys my dear friend, Lindsay Fricks.

Hello.

Hi.

Thanks for having me, Tracy. I'm excited.

So before I reveal to everybody what you are on the Enneagram, I know that, you know, I tell everybody, don't go around typing people because you can't do that based on behaviors. Because a lot of times the behaviors and the things we show the world, especially as a high achieving women, a lot of times that really guards us from the very thing that we are here doing. How would you describe yourself to people? Maybe how you want them to perceive you.

How I want them to perceive me. I always want people to think that I am probably not probably. I want people to think I'm intelligent, well spoken, successful. I think a lot of times I'm perceived as intense and assertive, which I am in a lot of ways. But I think successful is probably what I would most want people to perceive me as. So I know that I can see the wheels turning over there already.

So what happens if you're not perceived as such? How do you respond to that? Like if somebody calls you, you're like, you know what, Like, I see you for who you are. Are you somebody that's super receptive to that or do you like start to put up the defense mechanisms?

I definitely would put up some walls if that were the case for sure.

So I have a huge audience of high achieving women just like you and just like me. And earlier when we were chatting, Lindsay brought up the term masculine energy. And I am like, BDE too. Like, women with BDE is like my jam. Like, I get you, I understand you. And I also know, although that's really powerful and it's gotten shit done in your life, you are the first to admit that it's also created this disconnect with clients, with teammates, sometimes with your own husband. Right. So have you been able tell me how. Because you know the women that are more masculine, type A, like, and I was one of those too. I'm like, well, there's nothing fucking wrong with it, right? Are you in that camp or do you know, like, something's gotta give.

I think I'm probably more. I try and have a lot of self awareness about it because I do know that that's how I come off. And I'm in an industry that requires me to cater to a lot of different people and personality types. So I feel like I'm, I'm trying to over. I try to overcome it a lot of times, but my nature, when it comes down to it, is always going to be very direct and assertive. When, you know, my back's up against a wall, that's kind of how I default to. I do try and tailor around it. It's just I'm not always super successful with it.

So for those of you listening, Lindsay is a high level real estate agent and she's got a team and we all are very aware of what the market is, you know, and she's in Phoenix, Arizona area, which is probably the biggest booming markets in the entire country. And you know, as somebody myself who was in a male dominated industry, you and I could get away with that strong masculine energy. You, because like they need you to find them a house, period, end of story. And I, in that male dominated industry could get away with that masculine energy because like I needed to. Right? But it creates discomfort in other areas. Of your life where has especially now that the market's shifting and the world's starting to change a little bit. And the things that you could get away with with just being in masculine energy, you could get away with where is it not helping you today?

So I deal really well with one type of client and that's a client that likes very direct communication, who is assertive, confident in decision making, very decisive. Doesn't really in this market, speed was the name of the game. Right. So people I worked with were, you know, had to be decisive. And I always do start with a buyer or seller consult and I do talk to them about their decision making and prepare people that you have to be able to make a decision in a short amount of time on one of the largest investments you'll ever make in your life. So I'm able to kind of figure out and prepare people for that. So the overall market supported that because everyone knew that that's what they were in for. And this changing time where now houses are going to be on the market maybe two weeks instead of one week and people have more choice and they're concerned maybe this is the top of the market, which I truly don't think that we're at the top of the market. But people, you know, that's in the headlines and people believe it. And so now I'm having to do a lot of reassuring, a lot of coaching and things that are not necessarily muscles that I have. And so I think that, well, my skillset and masculinity and assertiveness did really well in this hyper competitive environment where I was competing with 30 offers and wanted to get my clients to win. That served me so well. It's going to take a very different skillset to be able to attract the amount of clients I need and also to be able to work with agents when it's not just all about numbers now it's going to be about rapport and relationship. It's not just going to be the highest, the highest offer wins, the most competitive terms win. So I think there's a lot of different places that this is going to that I need to be able to adjust to sail my ship in the right direction now that we have changing wind.

Yeah. And you're going to help so many women specifically today or men that love women like you and I that you know the one three eights on the Enneagram. So high achieving women are most mistyped on the Enneagram. And I find we always have the top three scores as a 13 or 8. And it's just a matter of understanding the motive, which I had the same top three scores that you did. The difference is I'm an eight and you're a three on the Enneagram. She's a competitive achiever, so she is like, needs to be the very best. And when she started in real estate, she was coming in in the upswing of the momentum. So I was like, this is freaking great. Right? And yeah, like you said, when the market was competitive, I saw I've got some other three friends in the industry as well, and they're like, this is like, you eat this kind of intensity for breakfast and you freaking love it. And you will win.

Yeah, I definitely thrive in that environment.

Yeah. And what works, you know, what worked in the car industry for me and what worked in this environment for you no longer worked in my home and in my soul, quite honestly. You know, when we're kind of always revving our engine that high all the time, something's going to give. And I love what you said because there are a lot of women out there right now listening that if it's to be, it's up to me. Or, and, or, you know, this is. The Enneagram's like a nature and nurture thing. Like, you are absolutely wired this way. You are born to achieve. Beautiful. We all want to be threes because you guys just make shit happen and you make it look easy. You really, really do. Because you, once you do put those blinders on, it's like, get the fuck out of my way. We are going. And you know, success loves speed, quite honestly. Now, that being said, you leave a lot of shit in your path when you do that. Relationships, your body, miracles that maybe you would miss along the way. And the thing A3 hates more than anything is to slow down. A, because they think if they slow down, they won't win. And two, if they slow down, then they have to feel shit.

So, so true.

Right. And the other thing that you and I were talking about, you know, that core desire to be the very best, you know, and that depends on what measuring stick you're using. And four threes, typically, it's like the finish line. And if we're using that measuring stick, if I'm the first past the finish line, you and I both know logically that that isn't always the definition of success. But for a three, it is a lot of time. So it's really hard when we cognitively know this, but in our heart it's like, yeah, but in order for Me to be worthy of love, approval, acceptance, attention, I need to be the very best. And so when nature and nurture collide, and we talked about your upbringing and how parts of your family when they say, oh, so and so, you know, the one with the private jet or the one who has the Gucci clothes or like, it reinforces your wiring in a dysfunctional way where now it's like, oh, in order for me to be worthy even of her love, I have to be successful in what I wear and what I drive and what I fly and all those things. And so that creates that unhealthy measuring stick for you.

Absolutely. That comes out in every facet. And I try not to let it because I do really feel that material things are not a great measuring stick. But it's all, you know, it is. It is. For sure.

That's the beauty of the Enneagram, because I was 40 when I was introduced to it. And like, I understood that, like, in order to be strong, because I'm motivated by being strong, not being the best, but being strong. So it's like I can. I can take on things just to prove, like, I'm bulletproof. Right. And although I can, it really created a lot of judgment, like, low key judgment I would have for other people that, you know, because you judge people on, like, how successful they are. I judge people for how strong they are.

Interesting.

And even though we don't verbalize it, our energy doesn't lie. And so when you're working with clients or you're married to a husband that is wired a little different, or you're building a team with people that aren't like you, which you do want, because you want diversification, not just in your investment portfolio, but in your leadership. That's when the challenges come.

Yeah, it's definitely been challenging in all of those aspects, but I'd say with leading a team, and my husband is also part of my team, so a lot of dynamics there that intertwine. It's very super interesting.

So I've talked in recent episodes, even though Lindsay is a three on the Enneagram, there's three different kinds of threes, and they're called subtypes or the instinctual variants. And this is where how we learned early on on how to respond to life. And you fall into the social three, which is the one that kind of fits the memes and the stereotypes of the three. Like, look at me, I'm the best. And you know, they're all about prestige. Right. So your social instinct is you have this desire to get along with others and form secure bonds, whether it's in business or personally as well. So this brings a focus on interactions and relationships with communities and groups. It's why you've been killer at sales even before real estate. It's why you can walk into a room and people know you're there. It's so evident, not just because you're gorgeous, but because, like, you have that energy. It's like you're already scoping out, like, how do I fit in here? How do I make myself a power piece in this scenario? And you've probably done it most of your life.

Oh, absolutely. I can't think back to a time where I didn't feel that way. So I'm feeling very seen right now.

I know, and I've said this before, like, the type that I struggled with the most in the past, before I understood this, was threes. Because I can see right through their need. Like, I can sniff it out because I'm always kind of using the measuring stick of weakness versus strong. And when I see somebody that so needs the attention and the spotlight, to me in the past, I'd be like, oh, my God, they're so weak. And so I would almost expose them or withhold to purposely poke the bear a little bit. And, you know, that was coming from my own kind of power play. Right. But now that I understand it and have so much compassion, because you guys really don't let people know when you're struggling at all, because that image is everything. And when you're struggling, usually only the people that live with you are the ones that really, you know, you trust will ever see that. And when I come across threes today, either they're like, I want you to see me, or they run like hell from me, or a combination of the two. It's like, holy shit, she just saw me. I feel really vulnerable. I'm going to avoid her like the plague. So if you do avoid me, I understand what's happening, and I won't take it personal.

I think one of the first things you said to me, me was, I see your soul.

You're like, oh, shit, I'm out. Like, you want to see my bank account instead or my shoes, right?

Yep.

I have a very, very close friend of mine that I recently have seen her at her most vulnerable. And since then, she has really pulled away from me. And I'm like, I can't put my finger on it except for that, like, in real time. It's one thing for you to share vulnerably with me.

But.

But how often do people see you in real time not knowing how you're gonna figure this out? Almost probably nobody, absolutely separately in my house. Exactly. And that's very common. And that's where I also have so much compassion for you. And instead of like, being a dick about it, you know, I will, like, give you compliments, but not on the things that create more of that dysfunction. Like, I'm not gonna like, talk about what you do achieve or how you appear. I'm gonna talk about your soul. Like, when I met you and I said, I see your soul, that was a compliment. Even though it's like, oh, I don't like that. Tell me how amazing I am instead.

Exactly.

I get it. Because the social three desires influence above all. And you can read and adjust to social norms and requirements of any situation more than anybody. You are the ultimate chameleon. You're highly competitive and you enjoy the spotlight, and you confidently market your ideas and accomplishments. Looking good, successful, very important. And this is where you get into trouble. And this is where, when you're leading a team or you're part of a marriage, that your ability to cut corners, to cover up failure, or to just like, get by and win makes a lot of people feel scared, uncertain, like you don't care about their well being. I can do the same thing like a bulldozer for different reasons. So long as you finish and you finish the product and it makes you and your team look good, how you got there, you don't give a shit.

That may or may not be true.

Right? But if you listen, like, if you have people like in your team, in your family, you know, in your marriage that were like, wait a second, like, we cut corners, that's not okay. Like, the world's gonna fall apart. What if, what if, what if? And you're like, don't worry about it, don't worry about it.

We don't care.

We got this. We already finished. But like, it could blow up in their face and then that builds this disconnect of trust.

Interesting.

In any relationship, personally or professionally, that can get you into trouble. Where would you say this competitiveness has hurt you the most?

I think it's really hindered my ability to connect with people within my industry. So inherently, real estate agents are super competitive people. It is one of the most cut industries that there are, and there are a lot of people similar to me. And I think that at least initially, it was something that held me back from building relationships and seeking guidance and advice and mentorship that I really needed, that I now have, but I think that it has prevented me from building those connections with people in order to have the type of rapport with colleagues that I'd really like now, also with clients, because I'm so focused on the win that the results, it's not necessarily that I'll cut corners, but I want the shortest path to victory. Right. So I want it to be as efficient as humanly possible, and I don't want any of the fluff in there. And so I think sometimes that can come off maybe as a little bit impersonal or just it is what it is, and this is how we do it, and we move on. So I think that that could be. I think on both sides of things, it's had some impact.

What would people tell me if I was interviewing friends of yours? What would they say is the best part about being friends with you?

So I am a true Gemini. I can be the most fun life of the party. And if I'm in that mode, you definitely want me around, because there's probably nobody more fun than me when I'm.

A social three Gemini. Holy moly. There's a lot of energy there.

But when I am in. When I am in my mode, it is get out of my way. And my expectations are extremely high, but I also communicate them. So I feel like everyone should know and get on board with my expectations. And if they don't, they definitely know. So I'd say that I think that it can sometimes be a little bit of a dichotomy. Knowing me, it's either we're going to get, like, the most fun Lindsey, or Lindsey's in serious work mode and get out of her way.

Would you say that? That's what they would tell me, is the hardest part about being friends with you?

Probably the not knowing what you're going to get.

Have you ever been accused of or maybe heard the undertone of, I just feel like a pawn in your achievement path?

Ooh. No, I have not heard that. That does not seem like feedback I've gotten before. And I've gotten a lot of feedback, mostly on having high expectations and, you know, having the high and the low. Those are the main pieces that I get feedback on.

So when we were talking earlier and I was asking you, because you're building a team and the dynamics, like, building a team is hard, and you don't want a bunch of threes, seriously, because that will create a cutthroat environment that creates a very bad culture, no matter how much you win, it just will be a shit show. But I asked you, do you want to build a team because it will create freedom for you or because you really enjoy leadership? And what do you think the truth is to that for you?

I think it's really because it will create freedom.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that's kind of a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Like knowing that it's also what makes you amazing. Right. But being able to get the people on board to create freedom. And here's the thing, like if you speak language and this is really important for threes to understand, it's not your strength. Like you said, these aren't musc that you have built yet. And just like everything, we can't go to the gym tomorrow and decide we're going to go into the Olympics and expect it to happen tomorrow. It's like consistent unconditional commitment to building that muscle. And this is one for you to have the diversity that you want and the freedom you want, it will be a muscle you need to build. Right. And understanding that to get to the finish line, there's going to be 10 different ways for 10 different people.

And.

And you're going to have to speak in a language of what's in it for them in order for them to co sign on this for you.

For sure. Absolutely.

Really challenging. Trust me. But I'm telling you, like, once you build this muscle, you will get things like people will be on board with you and then you won't have to work as hard. Now the real challenge for you is when you're not working as hard, will you fill that gap with something else or will you truly enjoy freedom?

I'll probably feel it was something else, but yeah.

And I've had to really be mindful of when it's quiet being okay with that and it doesn't mean I'm lazy or that something bad's gonna happen. Or maybe I missed something, right? Which all my high achieving, type A masculine energy women that are listening right now. This is really important for you to understand. So as a three, you don't have to think about being a three. It is who you are. It's how you're wired now. I'm sure you can admit, just like what we just said, where this kind of creates problems for you is like this connection, right? The Jekyll and Hyde that your friends don't know what they're going to get. That's. That's no way to live. Right. I grew up on that and my kids, you know, I Repeated that we, if we don't repair it, we repeat it, and we don't want that. And so having the right tools for the job is really, really important. And I use this as an example a lot. Like the three for you is a screwdriver. You know how to use a screwdriver. You don't need somebody to show you how. You don't need a YouTube tutorial. Like, you just know how to use a screwdriver. But if we tried to use the screwdriver to cut down a tree, we got a problem. We could chip away at it and try and try and try and try, but it's not going to be very effective. And it's going to create a pain. It's going to be a pain in the ass, right? So having these other tools in your tool belt are really, really important. Now, just having them there but not knowing how to use them is just like having an expensive garage filled with great tools.

Right.

It's pointless. Except when we pull in the garage, you're like, look at that pretty tool wall. It's great, but what the hell. So we have these things on the Enneagram called wings, right? And so if you've ever looked at the diagram of the enneagram, it's a big circle. The nine is at the top, and then it goes clockwise one through eight till it meets the nine again. So you fall in the three, which is in the center of intelligence, of heart and feeling, driven by a need for signific. Your underlying emotion is shame, believe it or not. Even though the world will never see you actively act out in shame, because you just will achieve something else in order to save face or to not feel it's there all the time. And so you need these other tools in the tool belt to help you become a more well rounded leader, a better partner, and to actually have fulfillment when you do hit the finish line. How many times have you hit the finish line and you look around and you're like, well, that wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. And so instead of like celebrating, you.

Just pick a new goal every single time.

Yeah. Wouldn't it be nice to actually, like hit the goal and then sit there and enjoy it for a while?

That would be fabulous. I really don't think I've ever done it.

Yeah, because you're only using your screwdriver, which is your three. And so you have these two other beautiful gifts on either side of you. And we were talking about our mutual friend Steve, who is a two on the enneagram and you two are connected on the framework as well. So if you look at the three on one side of you, you have the two, which is somebody like Steve, the compassionate, considerate helper. And then on the other side of you, the individualist, the creative, the romantic.

Both are driven by need for significance. So this is where like threes, it can get kind of hairy. Is like you're so significance driven, which is an important. It's one of the basic human needs. Right. But it walks this fine line when our whole worth is tied into that. Right. We need to feel like we have purpose in this world. There's nothing wrong with that. But if we have these false beliefs on what that looks like, that's where we, we get into trouble. So when this like, see the goal, hit the goal, see the goal, hit the goal. Although yes, you make shit happen. It's blowing up your relationships. You're leaving money on the table cuz you can't speak to certain clients. You're like, screw it, I just want all threes. You can do that and you've gotten away with that. But it's like when the market's changing, you need to be able to talk to everybody effectively. And so using these wings will help you. So the beautiful traits, you're never going to be motivated. Like a Steve. Steve is all about helping people.

That's it. He's a great helper too.

He is. He's an over giver though.

He is for sure.

And he can fall into codependent tendencies. It is what makes him great when he has boundaries. My son is a two, but it's where compassion and empathy and your ability to slow down and hear people and, and talk about feelings is going to be really, really important. And also picking up on what people may need, that even if it slows you down, you can tap into it. Now where threes really can get manipulative is when they understand that they can use that to leverage people to move them faster.

So you got to check your ego a little bit. I've seen so many threes understand this. And then they, they can be very sneaky and almost act like they give a shit. But once they hit the goal, they're like, peace out. I got you. See you later.

Interesting.

Okay, you're gonna have to be mindful. Gonna have to be mindful. But like genuinely like leaning into like, okay, the three in me definitely wants to just hit the accelerator and tell these people not to worry about it and not ask so many damn questions. Leaning into that too. It's like, okay, but there's people involved here. We can't just sell houses without people. So how do I speak in a way of what's in it for them? Where they actually feel like, yes, they'll know I'll do a great job for them. That's a given. You can't do a bad job if you tried, Lindsay. Just know that. But how do they feel? Like I actually care about them too, at the same time, where I will do a great job and I give a shit, genuinely. Not just to, like, pacify them, to make this move faster.

Fair.

Right. So really, like, what's in it for them? What's in it for them? And if you help people get enough of what's in it for them, you will always win.

Okay?

Now, the thing is, you're going to have to alter what the measuring stick looks like. Okay. And that's challenging for a three. Now, on the other side of you, it's one thing to just lean into that two wing. It's like, people, great, let's hit the gas and go. But when you get to the finish line and you feel nothing, what's the fricking point? So on the other side of you is the four, which is the opposite of both the two and the three. It's like the individualist. Like, they are on this constant quest of who am I and what am I here to do and what's authentic to me, where three never slows down. They're just like, what does the world need me to be? And that's what I'm going to be. How often have you asked yourself, why am I really doing this? Is it because I want to, or it's because the applause is really big and the bank account goes up?

I think in the last two years, I've actually asked myself that more. It's required a lot of energy to be in this industry, so I end up asking myself those questions a little bit more frequently. I'm also surrounded by a lot of people doing intense personal development work. And so I think part of my need to fit in is also I wanted. You're doing personal development work? I'm going to do more.

Yeah, yeah. And it's great. It's like not a box you can check, though. It's like, if you don't embody the work, then you just check the box. And although you might have, like, the receipts to show you did the personal development, but how's that really working for you? And that's where that four wing comes into play. It's like, genuinely, why am I doing this? And if you really like what I ask, Threes, like the filter you need to run yourself through is if nobody saw this, applauded it, acknowledged it, or celebrated it, or measured it, would I still do it?

That's a really tough question.

And you probably would say no to a hell of a lot more than what you do.

Yeah, absolutely.

And that's hard. And that's really hard. But that's where you'll find what really lights you up. Not because the applause is loud or mom says, oh my gosh, you can buy a G wagon or whatever the fuck she says, or who, who knows, you know, I get it. But asking Lindsay if there was a four year old version of Lindsay in front of you, did she ever speak up for what she wanted or did she just kind of decide what she needed to be in order to have approval?

She wasn't heard and so she just started doing what she needed to have approval.

Yeah. And that's where, like, that natural wiring of you took on this dysfunctional part of you. And I want you to know, like you, I do see your soul. And it is beautiful. And it's not because you're gorgeous or what you do or the life that you've built financially. It's like I see that little girl in you that definitely has a voice that wants to be heard. And you continuously putting herself in you, putting yourself in this room will be very triggering, not just for you, but for her. But learning how to use your voice like you did with me so beautifully and vulnerably. And you're doing it right here, right now, helping so many women like you and like me that are driven by success. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's beautiful. And we can do a lot of great in the world with it, but we need to know that we are just as beautiful without that. Okay, so two other things tied to the three. So you know there's four types tied to your three, but you usually, you only know how to operate in three. The screwdriver, right? We've got the chainsaw and the drill. Like the three or the two and the four, like these extra tools, but there's two other tools that are tied to you. And one is when you are like in the epitome of growth. And you're going to laugh when I tell you what this looks like because it's the very people that piss you off.

So your growth number is the six, which is the loyal skeptic. And they are the ones that ask a shit ton of questions, they gotta know everything before they decide to move forward. I'm guessing your husband might fall possibly into this category. They need to understand why we are doing it this way. They need to know worst case scenario for all the situations so that they're not blindsided. And this was something I had to learn because those people, I would say, I'm like, don't worry about it. It's not that big a deal. Yeah, that is the worst thing to say to that kind of person because it makes them feel unsafe and uncertain. And we will never get the best out of them if we love them or lead them if we don't give a shit about their need for certainty. Like, your need for significance is so strong. Their need for certainty is that strong.

Interesting.

And so like, okay, when you know you have somebody that's wired like that in front of you, like my best friend and maybe somebody like your husband, I don't like to slow down, but because I give a shit and I really want to bring out the best in her, I will sit and listen to all the questions and I will also say I will listen until you have no more questions. But at the end of this, we're taking some action. So take as long as you need, but we're still moving forward. So there's this mutual respect. Like I see you, I understand you need this to feel safe and certain, but we're going to take action. So there is the respect there now, the delivery of that. She doesn't always like, just like Jason probably doesn't love the way that you deliver it, but for you specifically, that is the ability to slow down and look at like more strategic rather than just bulldoze. To get to the finish line will allow you to leave a lot less wreckage in your life. It will allow you to not burn out your body and your relationship as much too. And it will build connection and intimacy that you actually crave.

Absolutely.

It will be very uncomfortable for you.

It just sounds uncomfortable. Tracy.

I know my growth number, like I'm an eight, you know, so I'm intense and I eat intensity for breakfast. And I want to just be prove to the world how strong I am. My growth number is the two, which is compassion and empathy. That is not a natural go to for me either. But for you to get to that healthy six, that loyal skeptic, you need your wings. You can't do it just on your threeness. Okay, I can't do it without my wings either. So, you know, a lot of times people will talk about these wings as just like, I lean one way. Well, if you only use one of those tools, you're missing the boat.

So.

So learn what I usually tell people. If you are a three, like, don't even focus on the three.

You.

You can do that in your sleep. Look at what the beautiful traits and behaviors are of the 2 and the 4. Cause that will help your 3 shine up into the light. What's your favorite movie?

Probably like My Best Friend's Wedding or Pretty Woman or something.

Okay, Pretty Woman is a beautiful example. Like, Julia Roberts is a diamond in that movie.

Incredible, right?

But what made her great and what made her be the very best diamond wasn't just her. It was that best friend of hers, that little Jersey girl, right? And Richard Gere. Yeah, they think of those like your wings. The Jersey girl and Richard Gere. I can't remember her name, but whatever. She's great. So great. But they. Without them, Julia Roberts is just Julia Roberts with great legs and a killer red dress with the high boots, right? But the reason that scene was so fucking great was the supporting role of the Jersey girl and Richard Gere. And for you to be the shining Julia Roberts in all your three ness, you need to use those. The supporting cast, you will always need to. Otherwise, you're just an average Julia Roberts.

I mean, I think I'd be okay with being an average Julia Roberts.

Well, you know what I mean, though. But you're here. You raise your hand and say, I'm here for growth. Now the other part is where we go when all this overachieving doesn't work anymore and you're burnt out, which happens a lot to threes. The thing is, very rarely will we ever be able to see you burnt out because you just take a nap and you just say, oh, I'm just taking a nap. But you're really in crisis. You're horizontal because you have nothing in the tank. But you'll preface it by saying, oh, I'm gonna take a social media sabbatical, or I'm gonna take a nap, or you'll come up with some excuse to justify why you're doing it, because you'll feel guilty and shameful otherwise, 100%. And you don't want people to know that you're not at the top of your game all the time. So it's really hard to support a 3 that doesn't verbalize it because you justify your own bullshit 100%. Me too. 0 judgment. I can justify anything. Now, the beauty in this so that's the nine, the unhealthy traits of the nine, which is like the peacemaker.

Right.

There's nothing about you that's typically a peacemaker, but you can also use that healthy part of the peacemaker, especially when you're communicating with people. It's like, I have a nine wing, so I use this one all the time before I open my mouth because my eight will take over and just light the bitch up.

So if I don't use my 9, and if it, if a 3 doesn't use their 9 in a healthy way, the 9 is like the divine energy. Whether it's God, Jesus, the universe, whatever you like to call it. The nine, the healthiest version of the nine is that. And it's always like, what's the greatest good for us all? How do we include everyone in this mission, this vision, this task? And if I didn't use my 9, I could not be what I am today. And so with that nine, you can challenge directly, but you can also care deeply and communicate and articulate what's in it for them in a way that's good for us all, where it's a win win, that it isn't manipulation, that it genuinely is what's in it for us all. And when you can tap into the healthy part of that with that loyal skeptic where you're able to be more strategic, that three is going to be like, Julia Roberts just stole the freaking show like she did. But you have to use all those parts in order for that to happen. So you have four other tools in your toolbox that you have to learn and build muscles around. It's one thing to understand it, but we don't build the muscles by understanding what to do in the gym. We got to get in the gym and be messy. And it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt.

At first it sounds painful.

So just for a little while. It's like when we do squats for the first time and then we go and pee and then we can't get up off the toilet. It hurts so bad, but it hurts so good. We know we did something good, right?

Right.

So as a three high achieving woman, which is a large part of this audience, does it feel really awesome to be seen like this or do you want to crawl in your shell a little bit or a little bit of both?

Probably a little bit of both. I kind of vacillated back and forth, but I think where I'm at in my career and personal life, I'm feeling More energized by it and more excited to learn more. Because it seems like there's so much opportunity there for me to. I mean, for me to grow and.

Leverage this and also win more.

Win more.

For all the right reasons and for what your soul desires, not just because it was measured by somebody or somebody saying, you're only great if you do this. And when threes can really harness that, there's nobody like you guys because you do. You make winning look easy. And we all want a piece like you. Inspire us all in ways. We all just want you to know that you don't have to do that in order for us to be inspired by you. And the more that you can lean into the human vulnerability, not just in yourself, but in the way that you communicate with others, you'll become more effective, which that's how we win. When we are effective and can communicate with anyone, we will always win every time.

This is just such a good point in my life to be having this conversation and to be able to just kind of have this as a launching pad. Thank you so much for.

Oh, my gosh. It is my pleasure. There's so many women listening that are just like you and you helped them all with your vulnerability. So where can people find you and watch your evolution kind of take off? Because, I mean, seriously, it's really vulnerable for a 3 to be as honest as you were.

Yeah, I'm mainly on Instagram is where I like to connect with people. My handles. Yndsay Fricks. It's L, I N D S A y dot Fricks F R I C.

K S you guys. As always, it is my goal to help you become the ultimate leader in your life so that you can really be excited about what you have been called to do here on on this earth in this lifetime. If you loved this episode, it would mean the world to both of us that you let us know that, especially to Lindsay, because this was really vulnerable. She kind of went first for all of you guys listening and is leading the way and leading the charge in what really genuine, authentic, vulnerable leadership can look like in the high achieving, get shit done dominantly masculine energy woman. And she's bringing a new face to that in such an elegant, beautiful way. Lindsay, I appreciate you so much.

Likewise. Tracy, you are an angel. I'm so glad we got to connect today. It meant a lot to me. Thank you so much.

It's my pleasure. You guys. Tune in next week for some more of this good stuff.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.