EP256: You Work to Understand Yourself, Self-Awareness Becomes Your Superpower and Unlocks Everything You Want Personally and Professionally

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hey. Hey. Welcome to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. I am your host, Tracy o'. Malley. Well, hello there. It's nice to meet you. I was thinking about this episode today for a few days now, and you know, it's one of my favorite quotes. I've posted it before. I'll probably share it again when I'm talking about this episode. But one of my favorite quotes is evolve so hard that they have to get to know you all over again. And that doesn't mean we change who we are, but a lot of times we hide underneath whatever expression of ourselves we believe we are or the parts of us that we're trying to protect. The thing is, is we are who we are. We are who we are. And, you know, I believe we have this divine calling, this divine soul blueprint. But then we're dropped into life experiences and families and school systems and situations that can change how we express that divine calling and blueprint that we are. And that's why I fell in love with the Enneagram, quite honestly, because it really provided me some framework to really get to know who I am at a soul level, at the core of who I am, to know what motivates me in every way. And the thing that I go to the ends of the earth to protect, you know, those fears. I was talking to some of my clients over the last few days about me as a nine year old and how I saw very, very clearly as a nine year old what I would be doing here today. For different reasons, I saw it very clearly. It didn't mean that that's what I wanted. Right? I knew that I would be speaking and sharing and doing this kind of work, but everything about who I was as a nine year old was resisting that. I was terrified to be on people's radar because that's where you could be violated or betrayed. And I honestly liked sneaking up on people. I felt like it had more power. But I'm here to tell you, you know, if you're raising your hand and say that you're here to grow and you're here to make an impact in the world, at some point, if you continue to resist the very core of who you are and the steps that have been ordered for you, you're never going to do the thing that you know you're here to do. It probably most definitely will look different than how you ever imagined. I never imagined this is how my life would look today. And I wouldn't change a thing. So what does that mean for you? Right. Self awareness is a superpower. And I think for a lot of us, we want that. But as long as it comes in, in a format and a framework that we feel okay with. And that's not how it works. That's not how it works. You know, at nine years old, I saw very clearly, like I said. And then for another.

Let'S say, 20 years, I resisted that fully. And then I was around 28 years old and I recognized that I couldn't outrun some of these things. But I still wanted to do it on my terms, right? It's like, give me some tools, but then I'm gonna use those tools how I see fit. And for the next 12 years, I floundered in them. I'd make some progress and then sabotage or procrastinate or blow up my life or, you know, you insert what maybe you do. And so for those 12 years, it actually was even more frustrating. Cause I had an awareness that I had some tools accessible to me. However, I took self will by the horns and decided, you know, it's going to be my way or the highway. And if you believe in a power greater than yourself, a higher power, God, Jesus, the universe, whatever you call it, is if you believe in a higher, a higher power of some sort, I'm telling you right now, they have the way that this is supposed to go, right? And the more that you resist it, the harder this gets. Trust me. I'm an enneagram8. I do not like to be controlled by anything. I don't like turning over or surrendering to anybody or anything, any spirit. I don't love it. It's my least favorite thing to do. But the more that I continued to do that in my life, the more shit went sideways, right? So why the Enneagram was so powerful for me, because at the end of those 12 years that I was trying to do things on my own, my Life had blown up. My life had completely blown up. On paper, I looked all right. And to the outside world, most would have thought everything was just coolio, right? But I knew I knew different. That's the problem with self awareness too is we know when we're justifying our own bullshit. We know when we're playing small. We know when, you know, imposter syndrome has kicked in. We know all the things. And for a long, long time, I tried to numb that out with food, with alcohol, with power, with sex even, you know, you. I tried to quiet that voice. And if you are listening right now and you know there's a freaking calling on your life and that you are here to do something, to inspire somebody, to teach something, to make an impact in your homes as a parent, as a partner, if you know you're here to do something, you can no longer take things into your own hands. Now you can take things into your own hands by getting the tools right. And the more that you get to know yourself, the more that you're going to be tested. I'm telling you right now, I am probably the most self aware person I know. And I don't say that lightly. And I don't say that to brag. I really, really do. I work at this every single day, you know, doing this work with other people. You know, you have to be at least a few steps ahead of whoever you're teaching. And I teach self awareness daily, you know, to high powered executives, to entrepreneurs, to families, to, you know, all sorts of things. So I have to be on my game. Otherwise I'm just full of shit. And I'm not full of shit. I'm the most self aware person I know. And I'm challenged more today than I was 10 years ago, believe it or not. And you know, I get tested in my relationships, in my business, in my money mindset, in my health, all the things. But I continue to raise my hand and say, I'm here for it, I'm here for it. But 12 years ago, I decided I needed some more reinforcement. And that's when I was introduced to the Enneagram by a therapist. And I resisted that too. Big shocker. It's like, great, give me the tool, but I'm going to use it my way. And I use this analogy a lot. A lot of times we know having the right tools for the job makes things go a lot smoother, more efficient. Save time, save money and mistakes, all the things. But if we pick up like a chainsaw because we know it's the Most powerful, effective tool to use. When we're chopping down a tree and we don't know how to use it, or we haven't been guided on how to use it, or we just kind of go rogue with it, we're going to do some damage, maybe to the tree, to the environment, to ourselves, to another human being. And some of these personal development tools you might have picked up along the way can do some harm if we don't use them properly. And I think that's why I love the Enneagram as well. It's a beautiful, beautiful tool when used properly, right? Self awareness. Not just of ourselves, but especially those of you that have done personal development. And then you go home or you get a little spiritually arrogant and you try throwing these tools around, you're going to do more damage than you want. And when I'm working with people and helping them discover who they really, really are and what they're here to do, what that really looks like, if the motive is the right thing, if you know you're doing this, to operate behind walls, whatever, you know, I know it's, it's frustrating. It's frustrating because, you know, you wake up one day like I did at 28 years old, and you're like, God, I know that I am resisting this change, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified. And if that's you, if that's, you know that I get it. And regardless of what you've experienced in your life, I know that many of us have grown up, even if it was a great home life, with some stuff, with this, with some stuff that really changes how we express that divine soul that we are here to express. I love doing work with individuals and in teams and stuff, but I'm going to speak to the individual today that maybe is here to make a big impact in your home, in your business, in this world. If you know that you are held back, even if you've done lots of programs and taken the courses or highly educated. I mean, I work with some very highly educated people and they come to this college dropout, right? Because I have the PhD of experience. I really, really do. And compassion, if you know that you are playing small and you're freaking tired of it, maybe even have some coach, ptsd, you hired somebody, you paid a lot of money, you joined a mastermind, whatever it is, and you didn't get the results you you wanted, chances are that they didn't know how to see through your blind spots or your bullshit or you polish it up. I am I was the master of bullshit. That's why I was very hard to coach. Very few people could see through it. But if you know that that's, you just reach out. If you follow me on Instagram, you can, you know, shoot me a DM at traceyomalley. You can go to the website if you know, you're like, all right, I'm feeling the pull right here, right now. My private one on one coaching is very exclusive and I only take a few people at a time. And even if you've got the resources, I don't take everyone because quite honestly, many of you aren't ready. You might not be ready. You've got the money burning a hole in your pocket because you've decided, today's the day I'm going to change. But are you really ready? Are you really ready to meet yourself with compassion, with love, with some grit? Are you really? Are you really, Are you still hiding? So if you know that you believe that you're ready and you want to have a conversation with me, there's no obligation to hop on the phone with me, but you have to fill out an application. And like I said, I only take a few people at a time. I have just a few spots open right now. I just signed down a few new clients that are amazing, by the way. And you can go to traceyomally.com the work with me section, and we can have a little conversation about that. This will also affect who you attract in and maybe, you know, the more that you get to know yourself and know when you have this level of self awareness and you operate in integrity, quite honestly, you're going to be vibrating at such a high frequency that the very people in your life you thought would be lifetime people might project their shit onto you. They might decide to walk away. They might do both. As of recent days, I have had a lot of that in my Life. The last six months since the calendar switched to 2022, I've experienced immense amounts of this and it's painful. And at some point I started to, like, have to really look in the mirror. I'm like, am I really self aware or am I, am I bullshitting myself? Like, it has gotten that severe at moments here in 2022 that I really was checking my inventory and not just with myself. I have some highly, highly trusted people in my life that I pay that see, the true me, the people that I know won't bullshit me. And I was asking serious questions. I'm like, okay, like, I'm the common denominator here. Is this a me thing? And yes, it is a me thing because I'm vibrating so high and I am so fully grounded and never been more in integrity in my entire life. And when you operate like that, the people that aren't will become very, very uncomfortable. It will threaten their very existence. And then this is where the rubber meets the road. Do you conform and play small to make other people comfortable or are you going to step the fuck up into who you are? And I have chosen to step the fuck up into who I am and those people have decided to walk away or I have ended things. You know, certain opportunities I thought would be part of my life forever, no longer at all come into alignment with who I am today in full authenticity and integrity. And that's painful. And there is a grieving process. But when you are self aware to the level that I am, even when these things are happening and I am grieving more than I've ever grieved anything in my life. The last two months since I turned 50, it is insane the amount of grieving I've had to do. And not just the angry parts, which I love. I love intensity. Anger is intense. But the sadness and the hurt that has come since the calendar turned two months ago and this girl turned 50. And I know it's because I have to continue to walk this talk so that I can lead and shine the light on the path for you. I'm here to help you blaze a trail, and with that comes my own experiences of pain. But the more that we resist the grieving process, and that means all parts of it, not just the ones that you are more comfortable with. Because if you resist certain parts of the grieving process, you're trying to bypass it and you never get to acceptance or transformation. You just keep experiencing the same shit over and over, expecting a different result, even if it's a little sneaky in different wrapping paper. It's the same damn package. And you know, even though I know that I'm operating in integrity and I'm fully grounded and, you know, this stuff that's happening in my life isn't because I did anything wrong or whatever shit's been projected onto me, because there's been a lot stepping into this part of me, I know that I'm clearing the way to make room for more greatness and for more of you that are really here to uplevel their life. I don't want, you know, the entry level person who's like, yeah, I want to dabble in that. That's not what I'm here for and neither are you. But you might not be ready. 22 years ago I couldn't be doing what I'm doing today, no matter how aware I was, because I hadn't been through the experiences yet. It's hard. This shit's hard. When conflict comes up and challenges arise, knowing yourself fully, with compassion, with love, with truth, with integrity is harder than bullshitting and justifying it. Even if it means you're 100 pounds overweight or you aren't in integrity with your money, or you're staying in relationships, friendships and romantic partnerships that you know are shitty for you, you will never hit the goals that you dream about. That vision board that you're making won't happen. No matter how self aware you are if you aren't willing to stand in your truth and in your integrity. Integrity. It just won't happen. You'll fall short every time. And I know you're frickin sick of it. I was too. But a funny thing happens when you operate in that. And yeah, there are seasons of silence and seasons of loneliness. My heart's breaking right now, quite honestly. It is. I feel such tremendous loss. People that I never expected to betray me have. And that's painful. It's painful. And you know what's happened Because I'm not resisting it and I'm not projecting and I'm not, you know, numbing, which was a big tool of mine in the past. The divine is delivering. People have stepped into the gap in ways that I never imagined. And you know, when things like this have happened in the past, I start to justify. See, this is why I don't trust people. See, this is why I don't have female friends. See, this is why if it's to be, it's up to me. I don't fucking need anyone. But I didn't do that. That's how I know I have never been more aligned in integrity, self aware, grounded than I have in my life. Because I'm doing the opposite of what I have typically done in the past. And the divine is delivered. But you have to be willing to sit in the uncomfortable until. And the more, and the, the faster you learn how to surrender, the faster it can be delivered to you. I've learned that I have the receipts to prove it. My God, you know, I floundered and self will was running riot for a good 40 years in my life. And I have learned the hard way over and over that the more we resist the surrender, the longer we will struggle. And that's why I am a trusted guide in your life. I promise you the caliber of people I have attracted in, not just in friendships and partnerships, business opportunities. It's crazy what is happening for me, business wise. It's crazy. I'm working with companies like fricking Google, for crying out loud. That does not happen if I am not in integrity, if I am not standing in my truth. That shit does not happen, trust me. But even more so, the caliber of friendships I am really stepping into right now, Powerful. And that's why like, also like the clientele I have attracted. It's so cool. My two most recent clients that I'm working with, my private VIP one on one clients, you might be next. Ironically, they are both about the age that I was when I started my personal development journey 22 years ago. Ironically, they are both Enneagram eights. And ironically, they both have children, the ages that mine were when I started this personal development journey. Usually I notice that there's a pattern for a lot of people that when your child, if you are a parent, if your child's an age that you were where you experienced something pretty painful, that's usually when we can't outrun, outwit out, think out, strategize some of this shit and you realize like, oh crap.

I need a Tracy in my life. And I don't say that arrogantly, but the reason I wake up so passionate about what I do today is because I would have fucking died for somebody like me to light the path and lead the way so I didn't have to flounder the next 20 something years. So the two clients that I've most recently started working with, like I said, powerful women. And I don't only work with eights, I work with all types on the Enneagram. Ironically though, these women are powerful, powerful, professional, next level kind of leaders in their homes and in their businesses. You know, I know that that's why I'm attracting next level people to work with. And I know that's you. I know that's you listening right now. And I know that you're tired of the bullshit, even if on paper and you have the receipts to show that like I got my shit together, you know, and I know the truth. I see it in your eyes. It's why people sometimes are really drawn to me because they know I see them. And it's also why many people bolt the other way energetically. They know I see it. Even people that have been part of my life for quite some time, they can't hide from Me, even when I'm meeting them with compassion and no judgment and love. Some people feel so low about themselves, they can't receive that. And then they project. And I know that you are tired of playing small. These last two years in the world have been so crazy and have revealed so much to us about the divisiveness and the crazy that people are dealing with in their hearts and in their heads. And the world needs you to stand into who you have always been designed to be. I pride myself in leading the way for you. I really, really do. And I am here with and for you. You don't have to wait one more day to play small or to continue to play small. You really, really don't. But it's going to take you really seeing you for who you are. And you can do that with compassion and with love. You know, I used to be my. My biggest enemy. You know, it didn't matter who hated me. And even, you know, in. In the present time, with these people leaving my life and. And projecting and saying awful shit about me, quite honestly, nobody could ever say anything worse than I've said to myself. But meeting myself with compassion and love, even when I've made mistakes, because I'm human. I'm fucking human. So are you. But when I meet the mistakes or some of my shortcomings or my blind spots, when I meet it with compassion and love, I'm able to do what I'm here to do. It's beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. And I want to help you do the same. I really do. I really do. I just feel you so heavy on my heart today. In all the beautiful ways. I know that this is something that's missing out in the world today. It really, really is. And there's a lot of bullshit coaches out there. There's a lot of crappy stuff, and they don't mean it, honestly. They're just not willing to go as deep with themselves. They rush their process. There's a reason why I didn't start doing this work until my 40s. There isn't because I have the life experience and all the work I've done over the last 22 years, I've put it all together so that I can really be that person that leads the way for you. Go to Tracey O' Malley.com, the work with Me section. Fill out your application today. If you're not sure about that, you can always do an enneagram kickstart session, which is where, like, really the rubber met the road here with me. It did it really met the road with me. It's a great tool next to my faith and my surrender to it. The Enneagram is right there and if you don't think you're ready for the private VIP coaching, do an Enneagram Kickstart session. It will change the game for you. It's powerful. Hour and a half that will leave an imprint on your heart forever. You can find me on Instagram traceeomalley if you loved this episode, it would mean the world to me. If you find value in what I bring to you day in and day out, if you would leave a review on any of the things, especially Apple, itunes, whatever, Apple podcast app, whatever they're calling it these days and tell me what you think. It's how I get in front of more of you so that we can make the impact that we were here to do. And if you love this episode, share it with somebody that maybe needed this message. I know that I teach the very thing that I need to learn and there's a reason why. You know, I have been met with so much adversity, especially since 2022 hit and that's so I can, like I said, light the path more for you. I love you. I'm grateful for you. As always, I'm here to help you become the ultimate leader in your life, in your homes and in the calling that's on your life. And until next time, you guys, I'm so grateful for you.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram traceyomalley. You can also find a new additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.