EP268: {BTE – Big Tracy Energy} What to Do When the People Who Love You Don’t Support You the Way You Would Like

Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. I am your host, Tracy o', Malley. And today we're getting into the juicy parts. This is where integration of understanding who you are and self awareness and emotional intelligence. This is where the rubber meets the road. Because it's in these moments that we're feeling frustrated, emotional, angry, hurt. That understanding ourselves and having a level of self awareness, not just of ourselves, but maybe other people and that level of emotional intelligence will really make or break what you do next. I know so many of you, and if you listen to me and have for any length of time, you're here to grow and you want to make an impact in the world. You know, you have this calling on your life. You don't want to just be an entrepreneur because it seems like the right thing or the cool thing to do. You know that you have something on your heart and in your history that you, you know, you can serve the greatest good in other people and monetize it and create a very strong business for yourself, your legacy and every person you touch. Now, when we are stepping into the most true, authentic, honest version of ourselves, that's when you're going to face the most resistance, especially from those closest to you. And this is where it gets really hard because I know, like you are saying you want these things. You know, you're doing your I ams, you're meditating, you're praying. You know, you are, you are standing and planting your flag and saying, this is what I want. And the second the people that love you don't support you the way that you want, that's where shit goes sideways. Sometimes inside of you, sometimes in your own behaviors, sometimes in the lack of action you take or the kind of action you're taking. Sometimes you put in your thing. For me, I tend to get a little aggressive and I can really be harsh and I Know this about myself. And this is where understanding, and not just understanding, but integrating the Enneagram in your life can really help you navigate this painful process. Because it is painful. There's no way around feeling like the people that you love the most aren't supporting you. I wish I could tell you that that was not painful, but it does. It is. And this is where conflict, an internal conflict, comes and an external one. So what do you do? What do you do? Well, first I will ask you is, do you really believe what you're saying you. You want to do? Do you really believe that you are here for that? Do you really believe that this is what you're supposed to be doing? And I mean, really, really? And then you have to take an assessment and ask yourself, do your actions back that? Now, there's two parts to that. Do your actions back that? Because sometimes the people that love us the most have seen our track record. And I'm not saying that they are to be judge and jury and the integrity police. Cause they're not. But that being said, these people that are closest to you probably have seen you through the good, the bad, the ugly, your broken promises to yourself, to them, maybe even. Right. And I remember it was about a decade ago when I really was taking personal development very, very seriously. Like, there was no wavering in my integrity for me. And the people closest to me absolutely didn't believe in what I was about to do. And I understood that. And then instead of getting aggressive, like I said, I typically do, or angry or blow up, I simply said, listen, I understand that my track record has maybe made you fearful for me, and I appreciate your concern. I am not the same person, and this is not that. Right. And then I told them to get the popcorn because this was going to be really, really good. Now, did they all believe me? No. Did some of them ridicule me? Absolutely. You know, and yeah, it's still painful because we're human beings. We're human beings and we do have feelings. Did it stop me? Hell no. Did my actions back up everything that I said? Yes. Not for them, for me. For me. And did some people come around? Yes. Did everyone know? No. And this is where we have to make the hard decisions. Like, is this part of the story over? And I know that that sounds harsh that you might be married to this person. You might. These might be blood relatives, that you might feel that, well, they're family. And. Yes, they are. And I've said this before, and I know I've said this to people that I love in my life. And it didn't. It wasn't always received well. I have said this before. Anybody and everyone in my life, at any moment, their part in the story can be over. Except for my kids. Those are the facts. Those are the facts. And the people that I've said this to, I know it stung, but I mean it. I mean it. You know, when you're talking to God, the universe, you're manifesting like, I mean that with all my heart and my actions back it. And it's been really hard the last few months because I've had to honor that everyone in my life, their part in the story, at any moment can be over, except for my kids. And I've had to make those hard decisions because things weren't in alignment with the support that I really need in my life. I need champions around me to support me. You're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, right? And so this is where those hard decisions have to come into play. And I'm telling you, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay for you to say, you know what? Yeah, these relationships are more important than this calling on my life. It's okay if you've changed your mind for the moment. This I will tell you to be true. It will be knocking on your door constantly and you will end up down a scroll hole and comparing yourself and maybe even judging others that have been brave and let people in places and things go that didn't honor the calling. Right. Usually we'll project our own insecurities and our own fears. And I did that for a long, long time. I've stood in judgment of many people in the past. And it's because I didn't have the courage to say, this is what I want and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to hon that. It doesn't mean we're assholes to people. It doesn't mean we walk all over people. It doesn't mean we bulldoze. But we do have to daily take a constant inventory. Are our actions in alignment with what we say we desire? And I can bullshit myself. I caught myself just the other day. There is something I have not been doing and it freaking pisses me off. And instead of being compassionate and understanding and getting to the hard parts of why I've not done it, I've made excuses. And I caught myself with gentleness, with compassion. Because obviously this is a really scary thing for me, right? Does it mean it's okay to give myself grace You've heard me talk about this before. The giving myself grace in quotations is a kind and gentle way of enabling our own bullshit sometimes, right? There's that fine line of giving grace to yourself and enabling and making excuses for your own bullshit. And it takes doing this internal work that I do with my private one on one VIP clients that really allow you to not get stuck in that cycle because you can, you easily can. And you can use other people's lack of supporting you as an excuse, you really, really can. But you have a choice. You have choices in everything you do. I don't care if you're married, I don't care if this is blood relatives, I'm sorry, I don't care if you're a single parent. You can still make this work. The universe, God, divine source and power has your back. But you have to walk your frickin talk. And that means making room for the abundance to come in sometimes. I've spoken a lot about this because I am having this experience in my life as well. And I have to walk my talk quite honestly, because if I don't walk my talk, not only am I bullshit to you and to every single person that has trusted me with their journey and their investment in me as their guide and their mentor and their leader, but I have two beautiful children that are watching every move that I make. And even though they're in their 20s, honestly, it's more important now that I'm in integrity than even when they were little because they are making adulting kind of decisions and they are making adulting kind of decisions in their relationships, in their workplace, in their character. And if I don't walk my talk in this, then what am I modeling for them? You know, the people that we love and lead will do what we do, not what we say to do. And because I walk my talk, you know, I can put my head on the pillow every night. Am I doing it always with certain things in my life? No, because I'm frickin human and so are you. This is where that compassionate and compassion with effective action that backs it, right? Like I can give myself grace and have compassion and understand that I'm about to do something very vulnerable. And it's not an end of a sentence there, there's an and here and I have to take effective action or reassess. Is this really what I want? Is this really what I want? Have I changed my mind? You at any moment have the ability to change your mind and the right and the freedom to change your mind. Now if you haven't changed your mind and you have surrounded yourself with people that maybe don't support you the way you like, or you have used that as a reason to stay stuck, and you are burying yourself under a pile of shame. Shame leads to being secretive and evasive and hiding, and those secrets keep you stuck. And when we stay stuck, we pile on more shame and the cycle continues. And nothing good happens when we pile shame and bury ourselves in it. The calling that's on your life, the impact you want to make, the legacy you want to leave, nothing happens when shame is involved. And so sometimes shame has been one of your greatest coping mechanisms and the thing that keeps you the most stuck. Shame, I can tell you right now, is the number the guilt. And shame is the number one thing that I hear with every single person I've ever worked with. Multi millionaires, CEOs, psychologists, doctors, lawyers, every single person I have ever worked with, the number one thing holding them back is guilt and shame. So you are no different than all of them. Now, maybe where you're a little bit different or where you're different from me is the courage to move forward in that move forward and learn how to reframe it in a way that is very true and not just a spiritual bypass and not fluffy language and not just meditation like, you gotta walk your freaking talk. And for many of you, you've never taken those steps. And I totally get it. There's no judgment in what I'm saying to you right now because you've been taught, told and modeled things that keep you stuck. This is why, you know, if we don't repair it, we repeat it. Maybe you don't know how to repair it. Most of you don't. Most people don't. Because it's messy and it's gritty and it takes courage and it sucks sometimes and it's painful, and nobody really wants to guide anybody through that.

If you're a parent, you know what it feels like to do the most thankless job. I'm telling you right now, some of the work that I do with people in the trenches is not very pretty or glamorous. They aren't the kind of testimonials that people are shouting out like, yeah, Tracy took me through the trenches and it was messy and ugly. Nobody wants to talk about that. And I totally get it. You don't have to. If you work with me, I get it. But somebody's got to guide you through it. Otherwise you're going to continue to stay stuck. And if you're okay with that, then I don't know what you're doing. You get one shot at this life. And if you're a parent, you have this responsibility to repair your stuff so it doesn't get repeated, not just by you, but. But the people that you're raising. That's the greatest form of success, in my opinion, is breaking the things that keep us stuck, honestly. So that is real legacy, you know? Yeah, there's an element of legacy in what we leave people behind in wealth and all of that. But I'm all about the character, the legacy of character that I leave in every person I touch, not just the people I'm raising. I know that this can feel overwhelming, and I'm sorry, but most of the stuff that's out there won't help you because it takes consistency. And it's a muscle, this emotional fitness muscle. You gotta build it. It doesn't build just by having awareness. That's the first part. It's an important part. It is the most important part, but it cannot end there. Otherwise you just have information, Right? Awareness is the first spot. Then we have to acknowledge there's three parts to this. And then it's rinse and repeat. We have to have awareness. That's the awakening, right? Then we have to acknowledge where this is rooted. And not with the shame stick, but with compassion. Not just for ourselves, but for the people that have gone before us. Right? We have to acknowledge. And that's the real messy part, because it's like, holy shit. You realize that you've been buried under piles and piles and piles of rubble. I pray that you like. I was 40 years old when I really started to get out from underneath the rubble. It's exhausting, but it's necessary. And then the third part is the action, integration. Now we have to put it all together. And then we rinse and repeat. It's not a one and done. It's not a box you check. This is a muscle that you constantly have to be building. Because I'm telling you, every next version and every next level of yourself and your life will require stronger muscles, bigger muscles, new muscles. And so why I am saying all of this to you is because I recognize that this is missing out in your world right now. I see what's out there available to you. I really, really do. And this. This kind of work that's available to you, for most of you, it's unattainable because most of the people out there aren't freaking doing this work themselves. They know how to scale a Business, they know how to market in ways. I mean, I am the worst marketer of all time. I am. I'm not great, but I can get you the results and I can get you tools in your tool belt that will last a lifetime through every area of your life. Not just your business life, but your personal life, your parenting life, your romantic life, your health, all of it. And that happens in my private one on one coaching that I do. And I only take a few people at a time. And as I'm doing, doing more and more team and business and corporation work, my availability to do this is less and less. And come the beginning of 2023, not only will I be able to take less people, but the investment in doing that is going to go up. It has to. The demand is really high right now and I am so grateful for that. And even being the worst marketer of all time, I am busy beyond that belief. And that is a sign that more people are raising their hand and saying, I need this kind of guidance. Please take me on the journey. And I would be honored to take you on this journey. If you've been listening for a long time or you've been feeling the pull or the call to do one on one private VIP coaching with me, now is the time. It really, really is. Because come 2023, I don't know the capacity in which I will be able to hold space for those clients. I will always do it. I will, I will always do one work with people. But the availability and the investment will have to change for sure. So I know that you're tired of being stuck. I can't believe we are almost into the fourth quarter of 2022. That is unreal to me. I am taking an inventory myself. But I know for you, if you feel stuck, if you feel like you're piled under piles and piles of shame and wreckage and you don't even know where to begin, this is the kind of work that you need. You don't need some fluffy ass group coaching right now. I'm not saying there's not value in it, but for this kind of work, group coaching ain't gonna cut it. It just isn't. It isn't. So go to tracyomalley.com go to the work with me section. It is by application only. I only take people that are truly, truly ready. We hop on a quick call, there will be absolutely no strong arming and no pressure. I don't do those things. I don't. I know if you're ready or not. I don't care if you throw buckets of money at me. If you're not ready, you're not ready. But if you know you are, if you know you are, it's time to make this investment. I can't imagine had I not made the investments that I did to grow myself because life the last 10, 15 years has kicked my ass, especially this last year. And I can't even imagine where I would be today without this kind of work in my life. And it is my life's calling. It is the impact that I make when I work one on one with you. It has a compound effect that goes way beyond what your eye can see in mine.

I feel you. It's why I've been drawn to record this episode. I feel you. I know what you're going through. I've been you. So if you have questions, you can always find me on Instagram. Tracie o', Malley, you can ask questions, but you know, you can ask all the questions you want. You know, if it's time, you know, if you're asking the questions, you know you're. You're ready. And then go to tracyomalley.com, fill out an application, and we will hop on a call and see if you're ready to go. Honestly, this is my favorite work to do. I love doing, you know, I'm flying out today to do an off site for a very, very big company and I love doing that. It's like putting team puzzles together and helping everybody interact a little bit better. But my favorite part about it, they bring it home into their families and I love and then I end up working with their families. It's been pretty cool. A lot of the corporate jobs I've done, I end up doing family stuff because they're seeing the impact that this makes in their team at work. They want to bring it to their home team. And if you are in charge or part of a home team, this will be the greatest gift you give to them as well. Reach out traceyomally.com Work With Me section as always, I am honored to take this courageous journey with you. Thank you for trusting me with your heart, with your soul. And if you are a longtime listener, we're almost at 300 episodes, which is crazy to me. We're in year three. Thank you for, you know, trusting me with the most valuable resource you have, and that is your time. I don't take that lightly and I take that responsibility very, very seriously. As always, I'm here to help you become the ultimate leader in your life. I love you and I'm grateful for you. I'll see you next time.

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I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.