EP271: {Special Series} Being an Enneagram One- The Good, Beautiful, Hard, and Ugly of the Reformer

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Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose.

And make money doing something you love?

Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula Podcast. And I am so excited to kick off this series. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I highly recommend you go back one episode and I will be explaining why I wanted to do this series. So for the next nine weeks, we will be breaking down each Enneagram type by week. The first episode in the week will be a solo episode with me kind of telling you what getting into the heart, mind and soul of each Enneagram type. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of the things. And then the second episode of the week will be an interview with somebody of that type so you can hear in real life what that sounds like. So that's really helpful if you are that type, but even more helpful if you love lead. Know one of those types. It's so powerful to hear it out of their mouth rather than just kind of reading or even hearing me explain it. Like, you really get to dive deep into what makes them tick, what makes them afraid, what makes them powerful and magical and what they're motivated by so that you can be the best support, partner, parent, friend, lover, whatever that looks like. And today, this week, we are breaking down The Enneagram type 1. Otherwise known as the strict Perfectionist, sometimes known as the Reformer or the Improver. If you know me, I love to call them the Sheriff because the Enneagram ones value being a good person and as a result, self control, integrity and quality is very important to them. The Enneagram one strives for perfection and appreciate high standards and structure. So you can see why, like, I love to call them the Sheriff. They're very black and white, thinking right at their best. Ones are idealistic. They bring a sense of discernment, integrity and dignity to their world when they aren't in the best place. Though the perfectionist may be judgmental, critical, uncompromising, and driven by their acute awareness of imperfections in a sense of not being good enough. I would say the ones and the fours are probably the most tortured internally on the Enneagram. So some fun facts about the Enneagram one. If you aren't sure what your type is really listen to these episodes the next few weeks. You know, it's. It's all driven by motive, not behavior. That's why a lot of these online assessments are inaccurate. Because we do naturally answer based on, you know, our coping mechanisms and our behaviors. So those online assessments are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. They're inaccurate. I am coming out with something to help this if you can't book a one on one session with me. But if you do want to dive deep into your Enneagram type and know it for sure, you can go to traciomalley.com, the work with me section where we will spend 90 minutes together. You'll feel so seen, heard, understood and valued and empowered to be exactly who you've always been before life kind of got a hold of you. So the Enneagram ones have to be good and right. Some of the keywords that describe an Enneagram one are strong values, cautious, careful, self controlled, integrity, filled, critical, perfectionist and idealistic. Some of their qualities are, like I said, they're principled. You know, Enneagram ones value integrity and lead by example. They walk their talk when it comes to doing what they say they're going to do. They stand for what is right and good. They're very objective. Sometimes they see and judge details people in situations objectively, with discernment. They're conscientious, reliable, responsible. They stick to their word and they see things through to the end. Highly, highly structured. They enjoy opportunities to structure their world. They are naturally adept at organizing, prioritizing and creating order and super quality minded. They have a knack for detail and pay attention to quality and the application of standards. In fact, when I was planning on redoing my website, I knew I wanted an Enneagram one and that's exactly what I got because a I knew they would follow through. I knew that their scope of work would be true to whatever they said and the high attention to detail and high integrity would absolutely be true. And I knew they would freaking hold me accountable, which I'm not always privy to. Now where that one can kind of get into trouble with their qualities is if they aren't open minded enough and know that not everybody operates like them. And this goes true with Any Enneagram type, because we're. It's so intuitive for your type and whatever type you are that you just don't understand how this is so difficult for somebody else. Right? How others might experience an Enneagram one. Other people typically experience ones as responsible, organized, quality oriented and critical. Their structured communication style can seem like instructing, teaching or even preaching to others. Ones are likely to project a great deal of impatience and judgment and their feedback may not seem constructive even when it is well intended. So if you're a one, knowing that your energy, your body language does not lie, has no poker face, is going to be very important for you to keep in mind in relationships. Many other types experience ones as tense, rigid and exacting. Now this can be really hard to break. You know, if you can imagine if everything that an Enneagram one does is motivated by being good and right, that rigidity is really, really, really important to them sometimes. Right? I'll get into kind of where they can learn to lighten up on that. The social style of the Enneagram one is very compliant. How they get what they want. Typically, Enneagram ones get what they need and want by behaving well and focus following the rules. Their conflict style when they don't get what they want. Typically Enneagram ones in conflict tend to focus on who is wrong or what the right way is to move forward. They can get very argumentative and close minded, which that sucks because they have. They are great natural teachers. They are good with structure, they are natural leaders. But because of sometimes the social style and conflict style, their message isn't always received, especially if the energy or, or the body language or even their words come across as critical, judgmental and all of those things. So the biggest vulnerability for an Enneagram one is criticism. Right? Enneagram ones are especially vulnerable to that as it challenges their need to be good and right. So if you know an Enneagram one, you're going to have to lead with a lot of words of affirmation, positive things. This has been really challenging for me as an enneagram8 because I'm just like a bottom me kind of person and I skip a lot of the fluff to a fault sometimes. And when you're dealing with an Enneagram one, you need to know, even if you front load what you're about to say with praise and beautiful things, they're going to hear the one thing and they'll automatically connect that to I'm terrible, I'm not good enough. Their fixation can be resentment. You know, they can get stuck in that. The Enneagram ones possess the harshest inner critic critic of all the Enneagram types. And this usually leads maybe the unhealthier Enneagram ones to be deeply critical of everything that they do. As a result, they can become resentful of theirs and others seeming inability to measure up in any situation and pay attention to flaws so that nothing else seems good enough. Now the vice, the vice for the Enneagram one, you know, they fall into the instinctual or gut or body center of intelligence. And the underlying emotion for all three of these is anger. Now enneagram1's high standards and ideals of perfection lead them to see what's wrong with their world and to experience a sense of intense dissatisfaction with current reality. So when one's. When a one looks around, nothing is. Is as it should be. And they feel personally responsible for this state. This can create hostility towards what is and towards other people as they believe others should conform to their view of how things should be. Sometimes the Enneagram one can feel entitled to point out and correct the faults of others and try to make the world itself conform. This is where they miss the mark and it's coming from their. This is their projection, right? Like they feel like that has to be the way. Otherwise it's terrible if it's not good, it's terrible if it's not right. It's absolutely wrong. Aware of everything that does not meet ideals, the Enneagram one can struggle under the burden of all this making right and excessive self control. They feel that if everything were perfect, they could finally relax. And the thing is, is nothing is ever perfect. So they have a hard time relaxing. So this is where this leads to resentment. Because it seems the world will never meet these standards. And ones become angry with themselves and others for not being good enough. So their vice of anger is a reaction against what reality presents them with. Sometimes this can be expressed as being very intolerant, critical, resentful. However, they also believe that it is bad to be critical. So this makes them angrier with themselves and they seek even more perfection in that vicious cycle. So some of the blind spots for an Enneagram one, and this is really important for you to know if you love them, lead them, care about them, raise them. You know, they may feel surprised when others interpret their comments as criticism. And this is where arguments can even get more heightened. Okay. Even when they're trying to be constructive, many ones believe they know how things should be and that they have an Obligation to fix the flaws that they see. So as a result they may overstep both their authority and others boundaries. So if you're a one, maybe ask for permission or you know, gently, compassionately, knowing that others may not be wired like you to offer suggestions only when permission is granted. Enneagram ones may be unaware of how irritation, anger and resentment show up in their body language. Like I said, despite your effort to control and repress those emotions, your energy does not have a poker face. This goes for all Enneagram types. But my ones we know when you are judging us. When an Enneagram one feels certain about an issue, they may become self righteous and stubborn, struggling to see or accept that others might also have valid perspective or response. So not only do you not have your gifts received by the rest of us, but you also, as an Enneagram one with that kind of black and white thinking, miss the miracles of learning new things and the gifts that come from the other people. How does an Enneagram one kind of move through this? Well you've got wings. You have a two wing and you have a nine wing, right? So the nine wing can help you embrace multiple points of view. Like think about the peacemaker, right? They are somebody that can see the bigger picture inclusive. They are very gray area thinkers. So you using as a one that nine wing, learning how to build that muscle will be really really important. And then the 2 Wing, focusing on other people's needs and maybe heart of matters, not just the black and white. You know, interpersonal relationships are pretty much part of everything we do. And being able to build the muscle, to utilize that 2 Wing will be very, very important. Now I talk a lot about the growth number and the stress number, right? So for the growth number and the growth number for all Enneagram types is probably like laughable to some of you. So when I tell you what the growth number is for an Enneagram one, you're going to laugh because it's like oh gosh, that could not be more opposite. Well this is where we are able to be that highest version of ourself, the most worldly version of ourself. So for an Enneagram one, the growth number is an Enneagram seven. That's the enthusiast, right? That spontaneous, explore different options. Anything's possible, everything's an adventure, everything. It's rose colored glasses, right? Like anything is possible. Optimism. I know for my Enneagram ones that are listening right now, you'll be like oh my God, that's almost impossible. And I didn't say growth was easy, right? Usually there's a lot of resistance. Anytime we're growing any kind of muscle, whether it's a physical muscle or an emotional muscle or a spiritual muscle or you know, a communication muscle and learning how to be more spontaneous and lighthearted and won't be natural. For an Enneagram one, your default will always be to put the measuring stick of is this right or wrong? Good or bad? Black and white thinking. So how do you get to that growth number? You will never do it on your own if you're left to your own one ways. And that's why really understanding your wings, the 2 and the 9 will be imperative. Imperative. You will never get to that healthy growth 7 where you are free spirited, light hearted without your wings. Both wings. Many of you maybe only thought you had one wing or didn't even know what wings are or never used them. And that's understandable. It happens a lot. But you want to use all the tools in your toolbox and to be the greatest, most lighthearted, well rounded version of yourself, you will need the wings. Now there is an Enneagram type we all go to and it's different for every type when we're under extreme stress. So you can imagine what causes stress for an Enneagram one not feeling good enough. People around them aren't following direction. You feel like you're in that perfectionism prison, you know, and some of that judgment and criticism does come out. But when that doesn't cut it or you're under extreme stress and feeling like absolutely crap. The stress number for the Enneagram 1 is the Enneagram 4 which is the individualist. This is kind of where you get a little self absorbed. That self righteousness comes out and you may become instead of so buttoned up and polished and not outwardly critical. This is where emotions run high. The Enneagram 4 is the most emotional on the Enneagram and and so you can understand when they're. When an Enneagram one is pushed to their brink. This is when all of a sudden it feels like a switch got flicked for sure. Enneagram ones value goodness. And the virtue of the Enneagram one is that serenity. And they find serenity when they are able to embody that beautiful growth. Enneagram7, right. It's really, really cool when I see an enneagram1 do this. Now if you have been been part of my typing process, then you know about the subtypes. And there are three subtypes within each Enneagram type. So there's a self preservation one, there's a one on one one and a social one. Those come in my typing sessions and with the new thing I'm going to be coming out with at the end of the month, you will be able to have this information because these subtypes can change how the full expression expression of your Enneagram type can be. And this is also why so many of you are mistyped. This is our instinctual response to life. So if you're a self preservation one, you seek perfection of self and constantly feel like you are not good enough. The self preservation one look after themselves and get what they need. Self preservations are about safety, security and what's going to happen to me when life kind of comes at them good or not so good. The one on one Enneagram one looks a little bit different than the other Enneagram ones and doesn't typically fall into the stereotypes you may hear about ones. And if you are this one, it. This is, this may be why you're mistyped or that the full one scope doesn't necessarily resonate with you. So the one on one Enneagram ones seek perfection by reforming or perfecting others. Not only themselves, they connect with others. Others seek intensity and energy. And it's like when things come at them, they're like what's going to happen to us? Like the me and you, the inner circle, the people closest to them. And then the social Enneagram ones. This is like what's going to happen to us? The collective, the we, the world. Social ones seek perfection by role modeling perfect behavior for others. They attempt to navigate the social system by being right and correct. So the Enneagram one's growth journey lies in your relationship with your inner critic and the underlying anger that simmers beneath your high expectations and frustrations. This is why mindfulness practices will help you be more aware of your mindset, relationships and view of reality. Especially practices that encourage awareness of how feelings show up in the body. This is why when I'm dealing with Enneagram ones, I slow them down, I get them into water, I get them into yoga. Walking is going to be really, really important. Anything that connects them with their body and not their to do list or the measuring stick that they operate through in their life. Play. You know that enneagram7enthusiast is about play and spontaneity and nature and anything that brings joy. And I know if you're an Enneagram one right now, it's like, well if it's right Then it bring me joy. No, no, no. So rather than judging and suppressing these emotions as bad, work with them to understand the thought patterns and the triggers that lead you to anxiety and self judgment by working to embrace your imperfections and limitations as part of your unique gifts like this will allow you to really lean in and find more joy in the journey. Enneagram Ones, honestly, are the ones that make us all better. They really, really are. They bring so much beauty into the world. They. They keep us on our toes for sure. And I think that it's really, really important when they are maybe not in the best place and you're feeling their critical energy that instead of like ducking out from them or like I typically would put on the boxing gloves and try to go toe to toe with them, it'll be really, really, really important for you to kind of lean in compassion and heart. They won't want to lean into that vulnerability right away because they don't want you to think that there's anything wrong with them because, you know, if it's not right, then it's terribly wrong for them and they don't want you to see that part of them. And I know for my Enneagram ones, like, putting up that armor all the time feels very, very lonely. And connection and vulnerability will grow you and make you stronger and allow you to lean more into your growth number of the seven. And you know, you can practice this with using your enneagram2wing and your enneagram9wing. And that is how, like, you won't feel so, like, run down energetically and like you're so misunderstood and that nobody gets you. When A1 opens up their heart, their mind, their soul to not just their own imperfections, but the worlds, that's when you grow like at an insanely fast speed and you have a hell of a lot more fun doing it. I would love to know and hear from all my Enneagram ones out there if this resonated with you. If you love or lead or parent or care about or have come across an Enneagram one, I want to hear what ahas you've had and where maybe you can find compassion for them. I've shared with you, with clients and in other interviews that the Enneagram one, honestly, is the one that I am challenged by the most because that black and white thinking, it can be really, really challenging for them to put their walls down. And the reason why they're most challenging to me probably is because they're very similar to the Eights in That way it's like buttoned up that huge wall around who they are in their heart. It's hard to access it. But I promise you if you give the one time and patience and compassion, you will bring out the best in them. For my ones, please lean in. We really do don't we don't believe you have to be perfect. You are as close to perfect as anybody ever will be. This we know. Like you have the highest of standards. I am so grateful for enneagram ones in my life. But it's not because you are perfect. It isn't. It's because you just really operate with so much structure and grace and class when you can loosen up and have a little fun. Share this episode with someone that you love or lead. If you're not sure what your enneagram type is and you want to know for sure because this framework is so powerful, when you have the right information, please go to traceyomally.com, the work with Me section. Book a typing kickstart session. We will spend 90 minutes together. Like I said, it will be powerful. We'll go through your wings, your subtype, your growth, your stress number and how to integrate this in all areas of your life. And coming soon, I will be bringing you an opportunity to figure this out without maybe even spending one moment with me. But I would love to spend time with you. I'm always honored to walk with you on this journey and spend beautiful energy together to help you become the ultimate leader in your life in a way that's most authentic and true to you. So until next time you guys. Next week we'll be bringing you the Enneagram too.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources is on my website@tracy oally.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.