EP280: Being an Enneagram Five - The Good, Beautiful, Hard, and Ugly of the Investigator

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Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose.

And make money doing something you love?

Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And we are continuing the series on getting into the heart, the mind, the soul of each Enneagram type. And this week is all about the Enneagram 5. The investigator, the quiet specialist, the most introverted on the Enneagram. And honestly, I love Enneagram Fives. They have to understand everything they need to know. They need to understand. You know, having Enneagram Fives in your life is pretty awesome. They're very quiet and introverted, typically not all of them, but they're more observant than they are aggressive and or assertive. But when you have an enneagram 5, that they know that you get them and that you're not going to like, deplete them energetically, you will get the best out of an Enneagram 5. And if you are an Enneagram 5, really understanding these things about yourself will allow you to be more discerning and not always hoard all your wisdom, because that's kind of one of the things that is the vice of an enneagram 5 is it's called avarice. It's hoarding their resources, information, energy. And we need more Fives in our life, let me tell you. So some of the key words about the enneagram 5 that come up are shy, detached, curious, reflective, private, innovating, and cerebral. Some of their best qualities, this is their superpowers can also be their Kryptonite. You've heard me say this before. Your superpowers of your Enneagram type are your superpowers when you're coming from a place of love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. And these very things can be your Kryptonite in your life when they are coming from a place of fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt, or ego. And the qualities superpowers of the enneagram 5 are they're very perceptive. They offer objective, in depth, insightful observations of complex situations and information. And what I tell people all the time is give an enneagram 5 something to dive deep into and they will come back an expert. Love this about them. They're very curious. Their intellectual interests enable them to build expertise in a variety of fields, topics and theories, especially something that they're interested in. They're unsentimental. Now, you might be thinking that's not a good thing, but it is a good thing at times. Like I said, it can be their superpower and it can also be their Kryptonite. They approach life in a logical way and they are able to put emotions aside when needed. And there are a lot of situations that putting emotions aside is really the best option. But then there, there are times that they need to be emotional, right? They're very self sufficient. They protect their autonomy and privacy, asking little of others and minimizing their own needs. This is when they're really, really great and also can be their Kryptonite because they don't, you know, necessarily connect as easily with other people. They're very inventive. Their unconventional ideas and depth of knowledge enable Enneagram Fives to be innovative and pioneering. So a way that you can get to know an enneagram 5. Enneagram Fives value understanding and making sense of the world around them. And as a result, expertise, objectivity and knowledge are super important to them. They do not, do not love small talk. They do not enjoy it at all. And you will lose credibility and trust with an enneagram 5. If you kind of lead with that, they will kind of block you out energetically. Striving for independence. Enneagram Fives appreciate privacy and conserve their resources. So if you're like one of those that try to break their boundaries again, you'll lose their credibility and trust and their wisdom at the same time. At their best, Enneagram Fives are visionary and bring a calm sense of non attachment to their engagement with the world. When they're not in a great place, Fives may seem intellectually arrogant and disconnected from emotion as they try to retreat into their minds to avoid being overwhelmed. And this is how you might experience an enneagram 5. You might find it challenging to get to know and to get close to an enneagram 5 on a personal level, but may find their ideas and intellectual thinking very intriguing. And what happens is sometimes when you find them intriguing or you feel like they're a challenge, you might become overbearing and you're going to lose them more. It's almost like play hard to get with an enneagram5, so to speak, intellectually and emotionally, and you will go a lot further with them. Others may find sharing ideas with them simultaneously stimulating and exhausting, as Enneagram Fives can engage so intensely and intellectually that they can struggle to communicate or listen clearly. I can see this a lot, especially if you land on their zone of genius. Enneagram Fives might tend to be socially awkward, which can be perceived as aloof or even cold to people who do not know them well. But anybody close to an enneagram 5 will often see a more vulnerable 5 with a desire to be included and accepted. I work with a lot of fives. I think a lot of that has to do with the lines and growth, which I'll go over in a second because we are connected. So it's pretty, pretty cool when I get to work with fives because I just get them. I really, really do, and they get me as well. The social style of an enneagram 5. This is how they get what they want. Typically, 5 seek to get what they need through think and insight and are energized by going into their head. So they're more of a withdrawn type. The fours, the fives and the nines fall into the withdrawing social style. And how they handle conflict is through competency. When they don't get what they want, an enneagram 5 will typically prefer a rationalist competency based approach to conflict. They often attempt to analyze, understand and intelligently resolve the issue rather than kind of go into feelings. Their biggest vulnerability is looking foolish. They don't want to appear incapable or unprepared. Like I said, their biggest vice is avarice, which is hoarding. So that looking foolish, the Enneagram 5 avoids feeling or looking like they do not know or do not understand and dislikes being surprised by or being dependent on other. This is, this is why I think Fives and Eights really do get each other. Even though we're motivated a little, little bit differently, neither one of us really enjoy that. And you know that fear is very real for an enneagram 5. Being driven by a heightened awareness of their separation from others and therefore their vulnerability and exposures. Enneagram Fives want to be self sufficient and in their comfort zone. So to avoid being dependent on others, they hoard whatever resources they have or might need, whether it's their intellect, their energy, whatever, contributing to the vice of avarice. Avarice is not about Acquiring more resources, but rather about holding on to what they already have. This happens from a painful sense of deficiency and inner emptiness based on the assumption that they are inherently isolated from others. How avarice can also manifest in a few different ways is holding onto money and possessions or that resistance to sharing knowledge or thoughts with others. A lot of times they'll do that because they, they think that if they put this information or wisdom or knowledge out there, people are going to want and take from them. Right? They're going to get their brains picked, right? So a five will tend to withdraw from life, conserving and safeguarding instead. And they want to appear wise and acquire knowledge and information, but seem to feel that sharing this knowledge with others others reduces their security. And fear is behind all of this because they, they fall into the thinking center of intelligence. So fear is the underlying emotion. The need for certainty is very, very real in this. The fear of not having enough of whatever it is they think they need. And the fear of losing what they already have, fearing their needs will not be met and too much will be demanded of them. This is when they limit what they take in and what they give out. Where they kind of get fixated, when this is kind of going on internally for them is this stinginess, right? That feeling of scarcity and an insatiable thirst for knowledge leads unhealthy Enneagram Fives to a reluctance to share their knowledge, time, space or personal information. Instead, they hoard these things and invest their energy in strategizing about how to control their environment. So some of the things that trigger an Enneagram 5 and events become a trigger for an Enneagram 5 if they activate their fear of not having sufficient resources or knowledge. And this can bring up a conflict with their need to feel that they are wise and understand the world. Therefore this activates their vice and defense mechanisms to self protect. So some of the biggest triggers for an enneagram 5 are being overwhelmed or surprised. Don't plan a surprise party for an enneagram 5, please. Private information being shared, dishonesty or false information, and being prompted for an instant emotional response. And so some of the defense mechanisms that come up when this is going on for them, like I said, they can be the most introverted on the Enneagram. But isolation and compartmentalism, compartmentalization, you know what I'm trying to say, Isolation, withdrawing from the world and detaching from others in order to sort through their thoughts and emotions without interference, and how they compartmentalize is separating thoughts from emotions and over controlling the boundaries that separate events, people or issues in an effort to rationalize and simplify their life. Now they have some blind spots too. And this is really important if you are an enneagram 5 to understand. And if you love or lead an enneagram 5, you know, knowing that this is a blind spot for them can be super helpful. And how you approach them will be really key in their willingness to lean into you. So some of the blind spots for the investigator or the quiet specialist are their thinking orientation and ability to detach from feelings comes at the expense of interpersonal warmth. Even when they feel warmth towards people, this may not be apparent to others. In trying to explain information and share their experience, Enneagram Fives may come across as patronizing or arrogant. Like intellectual arrogance is probably their biggest downfall. Sometimes they speak in big words. This may shut others down and make it difficult for them to hear what a 5 is trying to say. Another blind spot for the Fives are commitment does not come easily to them. It may feel as if they have to open themselves to the pain of a relationship, whereas solitude is not painful for a Five. And this can lead to cycles of wanting contact and wanting to be left alone. That push pull, that avoidant attachment, anxious attachment can kind of that confusing one where it's a little bit of both can happen for them. By being fiercely protective of their time and resources, an enneagram 5 hoards them, which may not seem greedy to them, but may be perceived as such by others. So the biggest value of an enneagram 5 is wisdom. And the biggest virtue is their ability to be non attached now that wisdom, they find value in wisdom and making sense of the world around them. So like as a result that objectivity and knowledge are important. The type 5 detaches from isolation. When they appreciate that they can better understand the world by participating in it, taking in only what is necessary, they learn to trust that they can replenish their resources, particularly time and space. And really understanding that just because they interact with the world doesn't mean they're going to be depleted. Because quite honestly, all their gifts can't come to life and they can't make the impact they want unless they actually engage in it. So the Enneagram 5 has access to two wings, the Enneagram 4 and the Enneagram 6. And you know, I've said this before, sometimes, you know, having the right tool for the job is really, really important. And to be the highest version of yourself as an Enneagram 5, you will need your wings so the Enneagram 4 wing is your emotional capacity. It is the individualist, the romantic. The Enneagram 4 wing will help you get involved and connect to the feeling. It's really, really important. It's also where some of the creativity can come. Your imagination can come into play. This is when you're using the wings for growth. Now, the Enneagram 6 wing will open you up to engage with others because the six is, you know, the loyalist and the master collaborator. So you can take all the wisdom of your fiveness, but use the emotions and heart of the four. And the strategy and collaboration aspect of the six will allow that five to be the best version of themselves. Now, we have lines that are connected to each type. And for the Enneagram 5, the growth and stress or the release and stretch numbers are the Enneagram 8 and the Enneagram 7. Now, the Enneagram 8 is your release or your growth number. It's going to be the biggest stretch for them to get to. Really, really challenging. But I think the reason why I end up working with a lot of Fives is because they know they have it in them. This is like, you know you have it in you, but it's really hard. You usually quit before that miracle happens because you know that 8 is very bold and assertive. And a 5 likes to kind of like, observe more. But again, if they're not taking action, their wisdom and their gifts don't come to the world. So where this can help a five lean into that eight is they can take up more space and be more forthright and forthcoming and assertive and bold. Now, when they feel, like, overwhelmed or information overload, a lot of times the five can feel very scattered, like a seven, even though it may not look like it on the outside, you know, where that seven can. You know, when they're not in a great place, can have, like, that frantic, unfocused energy. A5 can feel that although they may not appear that way, they can also use the 7 in a healthy way by connecting and putting that expertise out in the world, by being more selectively extroverted from time to time, by being optimistic. The seven is the eternal optimist. But this is how growth through the lines can happen. For an enneagram 5, for them to be the best version of themselves, a lot of times that won't. They won't really lean into those lines without the help of the wings. Now we have the subtypes, which are the instinctual responses to Life and the Enneagram 5's drive to seek understanding and to be self sufficient is expressed differently by three different subtypes. So within the five land there are three kinds of fives and you definitely fall into one of them. Now the rule with the instinctual variants or the subtypes is, is usually one dominates and then we have a secondary that is pretty close behind and one is kind of more repressed or a blind spot. The goal is to be able to elegantly kind of move through all three of these instincts because we do use all three of them, but one usually is our dominator. And this right here is the number one reason why many people are mistyped is this aspect of the Enneagram. And for those of you maybe aren't sure what your Enneagram type is or you want to dive deeper into that, or you want to know more about this. I have put together Enneagram blueprints where you are typed properly. This is an amazing opportunity. The results are accurate 95% of the time and I've been doing this for years with thousands and thousands of people. All the other online assessments are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. And I've put together a beautiful, beautiful way that you can be typed properly and you will get your own blueprint. Close to a hundred pages of information and some integration tools on how to step into the best version of yourself. So if that is something you want to dive deeper in, you can also do a one on one in depth session with me where we will dive very deep into all these things and have real life conversation about where and how you can integrate this in your life. You can go to traceyomally.com the work with me section to find out all that information. Now back to the subtypes for the Enneagram 5 if you are a self preservation 5, self preservation, if you're a self preservation type. The first instinct that happens when things happen, whether good, not so good, whatever is how is this going to affect me? You know, safety, security, comfort, things like that are the first thing on your mind and it's important we, you know, self preservation is fight or flight as well. Self preservation 5 Seek understanding and aim to be self sufficient by withdrawing from others. The self preservation 5 maintain strong boundaries around themselves and ensure they are in complete control of all their resources. Again, self preservation, it's like Castle. That's like the code name for a self preservation 5. Now within each of the subtypes there's one that is called the counter type and it's one that doesn't fit the stereotypes and it's a lot of times the count. If you fall into the counter type of one of the Enneagram types, this is usually who I find is mistyped as something else. It isn't always the case. And for each Enneagram type, the counter type isn't the same subtype every time. So it just depends on your type. But for the Enneagram 5, the counter type, the one that doesn't fit look typical to most Enneagram fives is the one on one enneagram5, sometimes called the sexual subtype. Their code Name for the 1 on 15 is confidant. The 1 on 1 fives seek understanding and improve their ability to engage with the world by finding a partner who gets them. These Fives are less concerned with boundaries and self sufficiency and focus on connecting with others in the quest for understanding. So after listening to what I've said about Fives fives, you can see where this makes sense, that this is the counter type and not typical to what you might find the stereotypes and the memes about the five. So if you are a one on one five, this is probably why it may have not resonated with you in the past. When things happen for a one on one type, their first instinct is how is this going to affect us like them, their inner circle, the intensity of their experience. And then finally the Social five, their code name is totem. So when things happen for a social subtype, their first instinct is to think, how is this going to affect we, the collective, the group as a whole? The Social 5 seeks understanding by pursuing unique and sometimes esoteric forms of knowledge. The Social five seeks new paradigms and ideals in an ongoing search, feeling that if they discover the right knowledge and they will be more secure. It is pretty cool when you see an enneagram 5 step out of their own box and really into the world. Because I'm telling you right now, there is no other type on the Enneagram that has a perspective like they do. I'm obsessed with Enneagram Fives. You know, the quiet specialists are a powerful teammate to have, they're a powerful partner to have, they're a powerful child to raise and the responsibility and really deeper understanding and valuing. Who an enneagram5 is, is where and how you'll get the best out of them. And if you are an enneagram 5 using that discernment to know that just because you put yourself out into the world, you have the beautiful capacity to make right choices about who and with and where you share your gifts, your wisdom and your knowledge. Later this week you will hear an episode with an interview with an enneagram 5. She actually was also a certified Enneagram person and found me and she just appreciated the way that I talked about integration of it. I can't wait for you guys to meet her. She's brilliant. If you loved this episode, please share it with somebody, especially in enneagram5 or maybe your community. Because Lord knows we all have an enneagram5 that we love or lead in our lives. That really when we can understand them and see them for who they are, not only will they step into their own confidence, but we will able to bring out the best in them as well. Like I said, if you want to dive deeper and be sure about what your Enneagram type is, you can spend a powerful 90 minutes with me with an Enneagram Kickstart session. I've heard that it's like 10 years of therapy all wrapped up into a 90 minute span. I'm not replacing a therapist, but you know, know what I mean? It doesn't mean that like I'm going to make you cry and crack you open, but like you will be more seen, heard, valued and understood for who you really are in this world. And there's a lot of power, strength and wisdom that comes with that. So you can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to learn more. It is always my biggest goal to help you become the ultimate leader in your life so that you can step into the calling that is on your life and do what is in the greatest good for you and us all. You guys, I appreciate you. Thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to the this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomali. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy omalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.