EP282: {SPECIAL SERIES} Being an Enneagram Six—The Good, Beautiful, Hard and Ugly of the Loyalist

Foreign.

Welcome to the Leadership Formula Podcast, where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life.

Let's do this thing.

Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And we are continuing our series on each Enneagram type and getting into the heart, the soul, the mind of each of the Enneagram types. And this week is all about the Enneagram 6, otherwise known as the Loyal Skill Skeptic. Amazing. Amazing. Everybody needs an Enneagram 6 in their lives. The Enneagram 6, the loyal skeptic falls into the center of intelligence, that their operational system goes right into the thinking center. Right. They are motivated by a need for some certainty. And so out of all the Enneagram types, this type has the ability to ask the most questions. And if you're not an enneagram 6, this. This kind of can throw you off from time to time. And what I'm hoping to do with you today is really give you some insight on why they are so damn amazing. So some of the best qualities of the loyal Skeptic are they're very devoted. Enneagram6's commitment and sense of duty leads them to express care in the service of people, causes, operations, all the things. They're very courageous. Despite concerns and apprehension. They show their courage by taking a stand for the greater good. They are prepared, probably more than any other Enneagram type. They're alert and risk aware. They're always kind of thinking worst case scenario and preparing for that. So they pay attention to their environment and act to minimize threats. They're very trustworthy. Like if they say they're going to do something, they do it. They stick to their commitments and respect authority as long as it's trustworthy. They're very team oriented. They enjoy cooperating and collaborating in groups and thrive in a healthy team environment. And one of the reasons they're the best collaborators on the Enneagram is because of that need for certainty. The worst case scenario is getting blindsided. So a lot of times. The reason why, the underlying kind of reason why they're so team oriented is to make sure the rest of us are, are really doing what we should be doing to help avoid the blind side. Kind of the motivating need for them is to be safe and to belong. They want to know that they're supported. Their name, the loyal skeptic, is kind of like this contradiction of each other. It's like they're loyal, but they're also skeptical. They're slow to trust, but once they do, that actually can be a blind spot. It's almost like they have taken so long to vet, you know, a person, a place or a thing that once they finally feel safe and certain about a person, place or thing, their guard completely goes down. And this can kind of create some anxiety for them, especially if they've been burned by that. Some keywords when you think about an enneagram 6 are things like cautious, loyal, skeptical, responsible, anxious, and alert. So Enneagram Sixes value security and belonging, and as a result, kindness, loyalty and trust are super, super important to them. They strive to be responsible. They appreciate being prepared and alert at all times. And one of their blind spots is that they really don't always understand how the rest of us don't operate this way. Working with a lot of Enneagram Sixes, helping them to come to terms with that is something that's pretty special for them to understand because it feels so personal sometimes to them. But when they understand that we just aren't all motivated like them, we're motivated very differently, it helps ease that anxiety for them sometimes. At their best, Enneagram Sixes are courageous and connected to a sense of inner knowing, offering a steady loyalty and support to both themselves and the world around them. And I'll explain where that inner knowing comes in. It's not a natural go to for the enneagram 6, but I'll explain where that comes from and how they get there. When they're not at their best, Sixes can be very anxious, fearful and doubting, reacting to constant worry and a fear of letting down their defenses. How you might experience an enneagram 6 if you are not one, this is really, really important. If you're in any kind of relationship with 1. Enneagram sixes often have a conflicted relationship with wanting to belong, yet often struggling to trust others. And when the six feels that they can trust others, people experience them as pleasant and group oriented, but they may seem suspicious and anxious when they are less secure. This is also where a lot of their questions come into play. This is how they're vetting a situation. And you know, depending on your enneagram type, that can be off putting or it can be suspicious in a different way. Right. They may seem suspicious and anxious when they are less secure. Their levels of anxiety and mistrust may make others feel more anxious and tense just from being around them. Or I know that when I've experienced a six before, I understood what any of this meant back in the day. I took their incessant questioning as disrespect or assuming that I'm not strong or that I don't have things handled. So you can see where, depending on your enneagram type, how you might receive their questions. Sixes display a range of behaviors. Behaviors from phobic, this is visibly fearful, to counterphobic, which is outwardly brave, which may be confusing to others. The sixes are a unique type in that they're phobic versus counterphobic is something that is very different. This is, this is another reason why you can have two totally different sixes right next to each other and it's like confusing for you. In collaborative settings, others are likely to experience the enneagram sixes guarded, yet loyal and dependable. So their social style. The Enneagram 6's social style is a very compliant one. This is how they get what they want. So typically, a 6 will strive to get what they want and to be safe by focusing on complying with and belonging to the group. Now, when they don't get what they want, Their conflict style becomes very reactive. The 4, the 6, and the 8 all fall into this category. So when they don't get what they want, sixes typically respond to conflict by reacting defensively at times, overreacting or blaming others. Sometimes a six, you know, the more phobic six can go completely the other way and kind of internalize it all and then ghost you. I've seen both in the enneagram sixes. Their biggest vulnerability is being unprepared. Like, they do not want to be blindsided. That is absolutely like a death sentence to them is being unprepared. That's why they ask a lot of questions. That's why they have 10 different plans for a worst case scenario situation. And the biggest vice that trips them up is that doubt. So enneagram sixes fear finding themselves alone and unprepared in a threatening world, Leaving them unable to survive. And on the other side of that, that doubt, with that as their vice, the sixes mindset is that the world is a dangerous place and survival is not guaranteed. And this belief really does create an atmosphere fear about whether they are up to the challenges they come up against. And now if you're a more assertive type, like the three sevens and eights, they can get kind of frustrated with that. It's like, come on, let's just go like don't worry about it. Worst thing to ever say to an enneagram 6 is don't worry about it because they're going to worry about it. But there's this fine line of having some healthy doubt and healthy skepticism versus paralyzing fear, right? So their vice being doubt. They doubt everything and everyone believing that they have to test and prove themselves and that nothing outside of themselves can be trusted entirely. And if they are not in a good place and they're in a testing kind of scenario and they're not privy to letting the other person know, you make one mistake and or a mistake based on their perception and it's over done, right? But they, they do this to prove to themselves that nothing outside of themselves can be trusted entirely. And you know, they, they want to be supportive. Yet the very thing that they so desire is the thing that they can push away without some healthier communication. Hyper vigil, Hyper vigilant Sixes anxiously look out for threats. They convince, they are convinced that the world is unsafe. Even people that they trust sometimes and hostile and that others are likely to act in their own self interest. They firmly believe that goodness and self support are unobtainable or do not really exist. A 6 can kind of burn through relationships as well because of that. You know, if, if you're in this relationship with a six and you feel like you're one mistake from being cut off, it's like, why even go there, right? So if you are a Six, like understanding that not everybody is out to get you, we just don't think like you. And this is where really good communication will be helpful. Enneagram Sixes doubt the positive, whereas like the seven's, like what's the best that can happen? Sixes are the opposite. They doubt the positive both externally and within themselves, doubting their own motivations and impulses and even doubting that they can handle their inner reality. So as a result, sometimes they might either counter their doubts by proving that they are unafraid, that's the more counterphobic, or cautiously seek out authority figures or belief systems at which the in which they can align as a way of easing that uncertainty. Now the fixation that kind of gets in their way filled with doubt, anxiety and worry about their safety. Unhealthy Enneagram Sixes tend towards irrational overthinking. This can be characterized by the continuous creation of worst case or anticipatory scenarios. And when a Six is in this spiral, it's really, really hard to get them out. And almost anything that you say won't really, really help them. It's hard. It's hard. This overwhelming fear and concern renders them self doubting and traps them in their anxiety and fear. And this is all also like a way that they unbeknowing, like will test people around them. Because if they're just too much, then they assume people are going to leave. And if they aren't communicating as effective as they're able to, this is where that cycle continues for them. Events become a trigger for Enneagram Sixes if they activate their fear of being unprepared or unsupported. And this brings up a conflict with their need to feel that they are safe and dutiful and activates their vice and defenses to self protect. So some of the things that will trigger an Enneagram 6, and if you're a 6, you probably know this, maybe you're aware of it, maybe you're not. When somebody feels ingenuine, you don't respect people's lack of commitment. You really do take it personally when people aren't as committed to or as gifted in the follow through as you. And I shouldn't say gifted to choice. Right. They also really are triggered by abusive use of authority. And so some of their defense mechanisms when they are triggered, I see this a lot in Enneagram Sixes is projection. That is their go to defense mechanism. And so how they use this is they protect themselves by taking their own difficult emotions, thoughts and ideas and projecting them onto others. They scan actively for risks and threats, but define them as external and as a result might defer or deny responsibility for their part in creating the situation. So some of the blind spots for an enneagram 6, and this is really, really important to know if you love one or lead one, and especially if you are an enneagram6. So one of the blind spots is over. Focusing on how things can go wrong, Sixes can miss a lot of miracles along the way. Either it's their own joy or, you know, a part of the plan that you know is really juicy for their story. They may have a blind spot for the many ways in which things are going well. Another blind spot is that despite valuing, valuing loyalty and trust. They tend to behave in ways that make it very difficult for people to trust them in return. Like I said, the questioning or the assuming that you're out to get them like that doesn't feel very trustworthy. Right. So that, that' where that can go sideways. For an enneagram 6. Another way that they have a blind spot is while they want to collaborate and connect with others, they continuously express the obstacles that they notice which may come across as resistant or rebellious. It can feel even like a lack of belief or trust in the team. This is where they can get into trouble with that. And the other blind spot for them is projecting their fears and motives onto others, attributing them to others rather than themselves. It difficult for them to acknowledge their own emotions, concerns and worries fully. Sometimes this can look a little bit like gaslighting too. Now the thing that the Enneagram Sixes value more than anything is loyalty. They value authority, security and belonging, which stems from the motivational need to be safe and prepared. And their virtue. And I'll explain where they again come into this virtue is faith. Now you can kind of see where this can be hard for them to get to if they believe that worst case scenario is always going to be happening. It's hard to lean into the surrender that everything is working the way that it's supposed to in your favor. So type Sixes step into courage. When they recognize that their safety and security fears are largely self conceived, no longer being inhibited by them. A6 can begin to question their assumptions, acting without deferring to the rules or ideologies of others. And so really surrendering to the process. And, and yeah, their, their default is always going to go to what's the worst that can happen. And that's their gift too, right? It's their gift, you know, all these things that kind of. They're great at. They're their gifts when they're coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. And where they can really get tripped up and, and they become the krypt in their life, their businesses, their relationships, their parenting style, whatever that looks like is when it's coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt and ego. So really like the cool thing is about all the Enneagram types and especially for you Sixes that are listening right now, you don't have to change at all who you are. We love that you're the loyal skeptic. We love that you are a troubleshooter. We love that you have 10 different ways to solve a problem. Shall it arrive. But we want you to come. We want you to change the come from and make sure that it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. Because when you're in that space, it really is easier to lean into the virtue of faith for you. So as the six, you have the ability to use two different wings. You have the Enneagram five and you also have the Enneagram seven. These things will save your butt a lot of the times. Like I said, to lean into that faith. You know, the wings are evolutionary, they evolve and they help you grow. When we get into the lines, which I'll talk about next, that is where like it's revolutionary growth. Okay, so if you're six, you have access to two wings, like I said, you have the five wing. And this is where you can practice self containment. And you also have access to the 7 Wing, which is more spontaneity, more visionary rather than, you know, that loyal, responsible, tactical part of you. So how do you grow and develop? With the 5 Wing, you can access more of the 5's inner observer and authority rather than seeking external validation. The 5 wing can help a 6 base judgments on experience and reason rather than fear. You can also use the 5 Wing to get perspective on fears by analyzing what is actually going on. The five can also open up to multiple perspectives to make more reasonable decisions. And again, the gift of a five is that non attachment, right? So the six definitely, you know, they're so attached to the certainty and you know, troubleshooting that it's hard for them to bullet point things sometimes. So that five wing is really, really good to get the facts. Feelings aren't facts. And Sixes are big feelers. Even though they're in the thinking center of intelligence, they, they feel big, especially when their safety and security is being rocked. The seven wing, the seven wing is that enthusiastic, visionary, like I said, spontaneous fun, don't sweat the small stuff. What's the best that can happen when a six can really lean into the seven wing in a healthy way. This is beautiful because they can borrow from the seven's optimism and be less inclined to imagine the worst. This is where they can also develop trust in the goodness of others. This is also where they can access a little bit more of that extrovert personality. The playfulness and light heartedness. And the beauty of the seven is also the multiple perspectives support being more innovative, you know, more, more cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. And this can really help A6. Now A6 can use both of those wings in A not so healthy way where they can go, you know, into building a case mode with the Five Wing. They can be into the scatter brain a little bit with the Seven wing. And so really understanding how to use both of those in a healthy way will really, really help the enneagram 6 be more grounded, for sure. Now, the lines, the lines of the Enneagram 6. So we have access to two other Enneagram types, and this can help us grow, stretch, release. And it's also sometimes an indicator of when we're under stress. Like the lines are. Are really where we're revolutionary in our growth. Now for a Six, when they are growing like the target for the Enneagram 6 is that Enneagram 9, they go from the loyal skeptic to looking more like that adaptive Peacemaker. This is where they surrender, right? So this is where, you know, that adaptive peacemaker can see the bigger picture, the perspective of all points of view, not just the tactical one that a Six can get into. So, you know, where you can use the 9 is encouraging yourself to create unstructured and unplanned time alone to enable you to practice going with the flow, engaging in activities that interest you, that you enjoy, preferably those that are unrelated to what others might want from you or for you. Learning how to relax. Telling a Six to relax will not teach them how to relax. This is a muscle that they're going to have to build, and it really resides in that 9 space. The Enneagram 9 invites them to relax their vigilant, even paranoid way of scanning the world for danger and problems, and to practice focusing on the goodness in people and situations. As the 6 lets go of fear, they can begin to build trust that they will survive even surprises, and that they might even enjoy the world and relationships a lot more. They absolutely do. The other thing that the Nine can bring to the table for a Six is that there isn't. There isn't a need to prove courage and strength. You know, that that 9 is just that divine knowing a lot of the time, encouraging yourself to access the strength by connecting deeply with others, leaning on their support and relating with them in a trusting and inclusive way, and not so much as a testing way, right? We're human beings. We're going to let you down. And for a Six that can feel devastating. So the stretch point, when a Six is under complete stress and they feel like they're going to get blindsided or uncertainty is looming, a lot of times 6 can get active in the doing, right? So they can also be so focused on results, right? The enneagram 6's tendency to scan and sense risks in their environment can be an asset if you're able to harness it in a balanced way. But a lot of times when a six is under stress, it's where like see the goal hit the goal, see the goal hit the goal can happen. And a lot of times a 6 can be mistyped as a 3, especially if they're living in stress. In a complex world, risk and uncertainty are inevitable. So it's important for you to not lose sight of why the risk is worth it. Sometimes that's where we can use the three in a healthy way. You know that hyper vigilant, like blinders on it can actually create more anxiety in a six. So how you can continue to use the three to stretch yourselves is not about, you know, this isn't about putting yourself before others, but building the ability to step confidently into the limelight and take credit for your achievements. You can also know that your success is entwined with others. By showcasing your results, you also serve others. The three also can allow you to take action right where that six can get paralyzed by the worrying. The Enneagram 3's perspective invites you to step back from trying to predict and therefore control the future. Where you can also use the three. Part of you to take action is focusing on encouraging yourself to take the next step towards a goal. Even if you don't see the steps in front of you, you know the next hundred steps in front of you. This is where the three and the nine can really bookend a six with your lines to help you take action step by step. Action might help you move forward or even the most. Even in the most risky or challenging situations. Finally, the subtypes of the Enneagram and these are the instinctual response to life, right? You know, if you're a six, you're kind of born with that need for certainty and wired that way. And then you're dropped into families, experiences, situations, schools, whatever. And this is where the instinctual response to life kind of comes into play. Now these can kind of change throughout the years and situationally, but your core type will not. Usually one is a dominator. There's one that is a secondary kind of easy go to. And then one is usually repressed or a blind spot for you. The goal is to be well rounded within all three instincts because they're all really, really important. Self preservation type is like what's going to happen to me? The one on one types is what's going to happen to us. And the social subtype is like what's going to happen to we as a collective? Now if you are a self preservation 6 or you're dealing with a self preservation 6, you know, the need for safety and security is like the instinctual response for that self preservation type, whether you're a six or not. And now you can imagine if you are a six and a self preservation six, they're the most hyper vigilant for needing certainty. Warmth is kind of the code name for an enneagram 6, the Self Preservation kind. Self preservation sixes create security by building strong alliances around them to aid their protection. And they try to avoid danger by being warm, supportive and friendly. And if things go sideways for a self preservation 6, especially if they didn't see it coming, they probably get rocked more than any other Enneagram type by a blind side. Now, the one on 1 enneagram 6 is the counter type. So within each of the Enneagram types there's one that doesn't fit the stereotypes, the memes, the typical go to situation. And the subtypes are usually and the counter types specifically are a big reason why a lot of you are mistyped. And if you want to be typed properly, you can go to my website, tracyomalley.com hopefully by the time this airs my blueprints are available where you can be typed properly and you'll get close to 100 page blueprint breakdown of all things about your enneagram type, your subtype, your wings, your lines, all sorts of juicy stuff. So go to tracyomalley.com or you can find me on Instagram at traceeomalley and you know I'm always available for questions over there. Now the one on one enneagram6, like I said, is the counter type. Their code name is Intimidation. Their code word is intimidation. And this, this six looks a little bit different in the way that one on one sixes create security by acting in counterphobic ways and meeting danger head on. They can almost look reckless. A lot of times this 6 is mistyped as an 8 a lot of times. They can therefore appear fear strong and intimidating to others. A lot of times I'll see an eight mistyped and they're actually a one on one six. Now the social six, their code name is duty. Social sixes create security by finding out and adhering to the rules, policies, procedures. This makes them dutiful and respectful of authority. I'm telling you right now, having an enneagram 6 in your life is priceless. I think every team, every friend group. Everybody needs a six in their life and helping them and being patient with them and their questions are really, really important if you love or lead one. Now if you are an Enneagram 6, really using that 9 target, that gross number of the adaptive peacemaker, you know you have a responsibility in this. Like yes, we will answer your questions and you will have to surrender from time to time because that's where all the juicy parts in life are. And I know for a six it can feel very torturous from time to time trying to navigate all the worry and all the fear and all the anxiety of so much forward thinking that I want you to not miss any more miracles and finding joy in the journey that's right in front of you. Like I said, 65 to 70% of you are mistyped because of the online assessments and so many of you have been given false information. And for you to use this beautiful system, framework and tool in your life, you got to have the right information. And I have been for five, six years. I've been working hard on bringing a way to serve more of you with accurate information that I felt really, really good about. This is the beauty of being an enneagram8. Like, unless I'm super passionate and in integrity, I'm not going to do it. No matter how much money it can make me, no matter if it would scale all the things. I could have done this a long time ago, but it would have not been.

As beautiful as this as I worked really, really hard, invested a lot of time, a lot of money to bring this to you so you can go get your blueprint. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. If it's not on my website yet, it's coming very, very soon where you can be typed properly with over 95% accuracy. Or if you want to dive deep into your Enneagram type, not only will you be typed properly, you'll get your blueprint, but you'll spend an hour and a half with me deep diving into how to integrate all this beautiful information in your life. If you love this episode or you love or lead an enneagram 6 that needs to hear this, please share it again. I'm on Instagram. Traceyomalley as always, I'm so grateful for you showing up and dedicating time to listen into this podcast if you find so much value in it. It would mean the world to me if you left a review on any of the platforms, but specifically the Apple podcast one. It's where we more traction and how we can get in front of more people so we can serve the greatest good at the highest of levels. Next week. Stay tuned. We will be bringing you all things enneagram7. I've got a fun interview ahead and as always, I'm always here to help you become the ultimate leader in your life. We'll see you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

SA.