EP291: Do You Suffer From "Purpose Anxiety"? How To Recognize It and Move Thru It To Live Your Purpose

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Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast, where.

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I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach, and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships to wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week, I will teach you how.

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Life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly, it's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

Hello. Hello. Welcome to another episode of the Leadership Formula podcast. And today's topic is sure to maybe make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. It might also make you feel called out, but I want it to call you out in so much love and compassion. An honor, quite honestly, I think, especially with the way the world has been the last two and a half years now between, you know, pandemics and the political and racial and environmental and financial status of the world as we speak, I think more than, more than ever, we have felt this very strong, intense need to understand our purpose here on Earth. Like, what is this all for? And I know that as you kind of explore that and this can happen at any age. And I have had different times in my life where I wondered what my purpose was and it creates this thing. It's very, very real. For many of you, it's called purpose anxiety. Do you suffer from it? I know I have in several areas of my life. And this, this doesn't discriminate age, race, financial backing. I think living that purpose driven life, it's when we step into that and embody that, that every part of our life does seem to flow. And like I said, it doesn't discriminate. This happens at all stages of our life and this is where we really make the things we've been through matter for something. I remember at 9 years old, that was my first kind of inkling of what purpose anxiety was. I was nine years old, I was dealing with a ton of adult things as a, as a young, young girl and having to handle things that I never should have had to, but I did, right? And I remember as a 9 year old walking into a place of worship and really ask a higher power God, the universe, like, please, please have this matter for something as a nine year old, you know, and then I would go through other stages of my life as an early adult you know, those early college years of like, you know, when you have to pick a major, like, it's such a huge decision. And it's like, if you're going to invest in an education of any sort, whether it's a college education or vocational personal development work, whatever that is, it's like, it's such a huge commitment of time, resources, financ, that you want to make sure you get it right. And it produces so much anxiety. I've seen so many people, my son included, was so anxious about going to college because, like, what if he picks wrong? And you might feel that way, too. I have a good friend of mine, he went to school for a decade to become a dentist after only a few years, decided that wasn't for him. Purpose anxiety, it's very real if you're a new parent, especially the moms out there. You know, you maybe wanted to always be a mom, maybe you weren't sure, but you are a mom now. And is this all that there is, is being a mom? And being a mom is amazing? It is. And there is other things that make up who you are in your career. Many of you are working a job that you don't love. I found myself there, oh, my goodness, 14 years ago. Yeah, I needed to put a roof over my head. I was a divorced mom coming out of a recession with bankruptcy and a failed business with my ex and, you know, a whole slew of other things. And I was at a career in a career that I absolutely hated. But I needed to make it work. And I was, you know, seeking purpose in avoiding things like avoiding my emotions. And if you are in this place in your life, you know, we've got maybe six, seven weeks left of this 2022, and it has been a doozy of a year. Let's just call it what it is. It's been a doozy. And that doesn't mean bad. It has been probably one of my greatest years and also one of my hardest. So I understand that. But this purpose anxiety is wondering what you're here for. And especially if you are in a season or a time in your life or a moment in your life where it feels like it's like Groundhog Day, you might feel this desperate pull to figure it out again. You could be 20, you could be 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 or 80 years old, and you're not immune to this. So how do you recognize it? Well, first of all, if you are, you know, walking around distressed and struggling to discover a sense of meaning, including how and where you Make a meaningful difference. That might be something. This makes sense from what we know about how anxiety narrows, you know, your thinking and range of activity. You know, anxiety is kind of future thinking. Future thinking. When we're anxious or fearful, it's usually because we're thinking about what hasn't happened yet. And you know, time is very precious. It's very, very precious. So what do you do if you are kind of in this moment in your life where you're feeling this purpose, anxiety, like time is running out. And you know, I turned 50 this year and I didn't have that, but at 40, you bet your ass I felt every bit of that. I think it's because so many of us think that we find it, we find it, we find it. And you can't stand this meaningless life. And you know, part of you might even say, well, I'm not going to do anything until I'm living in my purpose. But it's, it's not. You're not gonna find your purpose unless you're living what you're here to be. And that might be very confusing for you, right? And your outside voice might be so freaking loud and demanding, your ego might be saying, well, I'm better than this, that it drowns out that inner voice, that intuition, the soul's calling. You had a kind of pre birth intention here. I've said this about the Enneagram before, is that I do believe that we have this divine calling and purpose for our life. I really, really do. And, and how that gets expressed is this beautiful thing called the Enneagram in that language, right? That personality kind of archetype, right? But the thing is, is we have this rebirth intention or divine calling, but we have to give birth to it. And it's one thing to just be born here on earth, but you have to birth this intention and it can change. My purpose five years ago is very different than it is today. You know, within each of us we have it. It connects to the heart of who we are. It connects to humanity and God. The world has changed so much in five years. It'd be crazy if your purpose didn't change. Right? But you can't just wait to start living your purpose until you know why you're here. You'll know why you're here when you start to live your life. So what does that mean? What does that mean? Well, you could be just going through the motions, being bitter, being angry. That's what. That's what I was doing 12, 13 years ago. And nothing purposeful was ever Going to be birthed or come to fruition in that energy. It's this wilderness kind of part of our life. It's that purgatory that feels so damn uncomfortable, so damn uncomfortable. And the thing is, is we have this awareness that this is not comfortable. I don't like this feeling. And we live in a society where we can feel a problem. I mean, shit, you're being marketed left and right to your pain points, right? You're very aware that things aren't well for you, that you don't feel purpose driven, that you don't feel purposeful, that you don't feel like you're stepping into your greatest self and, and making the impact that you want to make. So what do you do? You look for the, the solution. You jump to action. Jump to action, Jump to action. And I get it, like I said, you're being marketed to that. Just do this and you'll be stepping into your divine self and your highest power and all the things. And I get it. But there's this middle part, the purgatory, the wilderness, the acknowledgment, the reverse engineering I'd like to call it, of how you even got here. And before you can take action, you have to understand how you got here and why you're here and make sense of not even make sense, but make it all matter for something. And that nine year old in me that was begging, pleading to a divine knowing I didn't know like I heard the word God. You know, depending on what your belief is, God to you could be good, orderly direction, right? I was seeking wisdom from a divine source of please make this matter for something. And it took close to 40 years for me to realize what that was. And it might change a year from now, who knows? Because life can change. And you have to continuously have an open heart and an open mind, right? How can you really step into what that is right now? Well, it has to do with this, you know, this sanctuary of noticing who you are with compassion. You have to be compassionate in looking at yourself. If you are pulling out a whipping stick, or pulling out the shame stick, or pulling out all the nasty shit you say about yourself, this doesn't work. It is only when we, we seek and honor who we are with compassion and kindness. It doesn't mean we bullshit, you know, enable our own bullshit. It doesn't mean that, you know, we give ourselves grace when we know that we are just enabling that bs. But you have to create the sanctuary of noticing. And that is why the Enneagram is The number one most beautiful personal development tool that can help you really keep this purpose anxiety at bay. I've said this before. You know, new levels bring new devils. They do. And every time I'm stepping into a higher version of myself, I do feel like, oh, oh, here we go, here we go. But it's required. And I. I honor the sanctuary of noticing and honoring who I am. All parts of me. Not just the cool, powerful, pretty parts, but, you know, the dark side as well. The dark side. Your challenges can be leveraged if you know what you're working with. You really, really can. That is why the Enneagram really allows you to take a deeper look at yourself with kindness, with different lenses. And when you do this for yourself, you will be able to see other people in different light. Even the ones that really piss you off. Let me tell you, I can't even tell you, like, without the Enneagram, the last few months specifically, I know there are certain situations I would have handled completely differently in a way that would have created a lot of disruption, not just in my life, but other people's. And because of this sanctuary of noticing who I am, where I go, I have been able to not only not do that and create wreckage and disruption and. And whole slew of problems in my life, but I have used that experience, those experiences to grow me and to step even further into the purpose that I am here to do every day at this point, I wake up, fired up. I do. And I know if you're listening right now, that is what you want. You know, it's hard to do when you have all these other obligations. And so this sanctuary of noticing who you are at your core is going to be required for you to step into that purpose. It's not going to find you. Right, it's not going to find you. But you can embody it. You can embody it and you'll know it. You'll know it when you're. When you're in it. So how do you use the Enneagram to do this? Well, getting the right information is really, really important. Honestly, you know, if you are using the wrong roadmap, you're going to be going in the wrong direction. And that's why I have worked really, really hard to bring something to you where it didn't require you sitting in front of me. Because I understand, you know, financially and for time purposes and efficiency, it's just not possible. But with everything that's been out there on getting you typed on the enneagram, they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. You've heard me talk and it's true. And it's why I didn't scale this in a way that I could have made a hell of a lot more money. But I didn't feel good about you having the wrong information. I use this tool day in and day out and I understand the power of it because I was mistyped too originally and had I been using that framework for that type. This looks really, really different. And I'm not embodying the purpose that I'm here to be doing the calling on my life. So having the right information is key. So how do you do that? Well, you can go take one of those online assessments. You can, absolutely. But it's going to take some time for you to really unpack it. And if you've experienced any kind of trauma or even if you are a personal development junkie, let me tell you, that might even cloud you even more because you've learned how to compartmentalize yourself so much. That's what I had done. So what have I done? I have worked really, really hard to bring you an assessment that is accurate 95% of the time. And I've done thousands of typing sessions with people to know that that to be true. And I feel really freaking good about it. And so you can go to Tracy O' Malley.com the work with me section to get your soul blueprint. It is your enneagram type, your personality type. It is just the guide, right? Because you, you do have this essence. But like I said that that pre birth intention on your life can only happen if you birth it. But having the right kind of roadmap and guide for where you kind of are strong and even leveraging where you struggle, this is how you know you are, are really going in the right direction for you.

So you can go there and you will take an assessment and it will take you some time and, and I really want you to take it by yourself and, and feel really, really good about it. And within a day or two or three tops, you will get a 75 page blueprint that I have created for you for your unique enneagram type. And this will include your subtype, the instinctual response to life, which is really, really important. It's probably the number one reason why many of you, many of you are mistyped on the Enneagram because this is where you know that spirituality and psychology kind of collide and a lot of the assessments and artificial intelligence can't take that into consideration. And so your blueprint will include your instinctual response to life and why that that Enneagram type that you thought you were isn't that it'll help you make so much more sense of what that means. It'll also include both of your wings. Because you do have a supporting cast in both wings, you probably do tend to lean heavier in one. But the real holy grail for growth and support and embodiment of your purpose is using both of the supporting roles in your archetyp and your Enneagram type. So you'll get broken down with what those are. Your growth and stress, or stress and release numbers, which are two more tools in your toolbox, more supporting roles and how that that can help you step into the greatest version of yourself today. And when you do that, when you are in that sanctuary of curiosity and that sanctuary of noticing and curiosity about who you are with the compassion lenses, the purpose will find you. You won't find it, but it will find you. It is in you. It has been in you all along. And when you feel at home in that this purpose, anxiety goes away. And the more that you are able to utilize the Enneagram as a system and as a tool, like I said, it's not who you are. It's not who you are. It's how you leverage the best parts and the hardest parts of who you are in this world. And I, I can look back at that little girl as a nine year old and. And I can see the eight in me back then really wanting to know, right? I didn't want to be controlled. I. I wanted independence and autonomy. And so that desperation for finding my purpose was on high alert, right? It's why, like, I would try to force things sometimes. And for some of you, you might go into information and, and gathering purpose and taking more courses and listening to more podcasts or hiring another fricking coach. That is full of shit, right? And some of you might just plow through life trying to find it. Some of you might hide and withdraw from life. Whoever you are, the Enneagram can provide a roadmap so that you can step into your most authentic self and honor all parts of who you are, especially the challenging parts. Because let me tell you, being able to leverage the. The harder parts of being an Enneagram is how I am in my purpose. I didn't just ignore them. I didn't just shame them. I've learned how to leverage them and honor them because they helped get me here and they. They have helped get you there. So I know there's this desperation in the world right now, and especially as you know the New Year's coming and you might be trying to manifest and, and having this whole plan on how you're going to manifest the purpose driven life that you want for 2023. And I'm not mock.

But I don't want you to create more anxiety around the what or even the how. But it's in understanding and acknowledging and reverse engineering the why you're here and the who you are. When you know who you are and honor all parts of who you are, you will know why you're here. When you know why you're here, you will step into that purpose. And when you step into that purpose, the fear of what's to come, even if a blind side comes, or even if the unexpected comes and wallops you upside the head, you will know it's for a greater purpose. And that purpose is for you to step into that part of who you are to make the impact that you are meant to in this world, in your home life, in your professional life and your personal life, all across the board. This is a big topic and I'm going to talk more about I do. And I see so many of you, you know, and, and even with like figuring out your niche, like you think your niche is your purpose, but it's not. It's not. When you're embodying who you are, that's when you're in your purpose and the niche figures itself out. Let me tell you. So if you want to dive a little deeper and really know who you are and why you're here, the Enneagram Soul blueprint that I've put together is a really great start. You can get yours@traceeomalley.com the work with me section. And just because you have that information, you know, sometimes you need a guide to show you what to do with that information. Right? It's kind of like going to Ikea and you get the instruction manual to put together, you know, 400 pieces of a desk. And you know, just having the instruction manual doesn't always do it for you. But having someone show you how to do that can be very, very powerful. And I have two options for that. You can do a deep dive one on one 90 minute session with me where we will go through all the things and I can help you make sense of that in your life and how to use that information to transform your life in, in some ways. Or we can do the one on one private VIP coaching. And this is where Magic happens. You have access to me every single day for a little over three months to dive deep into all parts of your life, all parts of your life as they're happening. You have your own kind of guide right at your fingertips. All of that information is@traceeomalley.com the VIP one on one coaching is by application only. I don't take everyone and I only take a few people at a time. If you have ever felt called to do that, I highly encourage you to explore that now because come 2023 that's going to look a little bit different. Not just how it looks, but the investment that it takes to do that. Because I'm getting busier by the moment, which is exciting. When you step into your purpose, things really do come a lot more effortlessly your way because that energy is so magnetic and I want to help you step into that too. I really, really do. And what it looks like for me looks very different from you, but I can absolutely help guide you through that so that you don't like you're banging your head up against the wall. And this purpose anxiety doesn't rule your life. Go to Tracy O' Malley.com to find out all of that information at the Work with Me section. You can find me on Instagram at Tracey Underscore o', Malley I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for the time that you invest in hearing what I have to say and knowing that I can help you on this journey. It's seriously such a privilege and an honor for me to do the work that I am doing in the world. It is my purp for sure and I feel so excited about that every single day and meeting people like you. Whether it's here on the podcast or on social media or if I have been, you know, so blessed by working with you, just know how grateful I am for you for your time. As always, I'm here to help you become the ultimate leader in your life and so that you can really step into what you are always designed to do. Until next time, you guys.

I'm so.

Happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula Podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyamalli. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy omalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.