EP298: Find The Real Path to Your True, Authentic Self Using the Enneagram

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Welcome to the Leadership Formula podcast where you will learn the secret sauce behind achieving massive success. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, multimillion dollar entrepreneur, your Enneagram expert, master performance coach and mom to millennials. Do you want deep, meaningful relationships? To wake up every day with purpose and make money doing something you love? Well, you've landed in the right place. Every week I will teach you how to get exactly what you want in life by strengthening your emotional intelligence. Using a combination of the Enneagram framework, live life coaching sessions, and real talk from yours truly. It's time to transform yourself into the ultimate leader of your life. Let's do this thing.

I know that you know. It's time to live your authentic truth. And that word authentic, it's kind of like the buzzword right now. And what does that really mean? And what do you truly want for your life? If you weren't scrolling the socials or listening to what other people say you should do, what would that look like? And what would that actually mean be for you? I know you are busy, you are ambitious and when you're just go, go going, it's hard to tap into that part of you, that intuition, to hear your deepest desire. You know, you wake up every morning feeling like you're just not measuring up. You think sometimes doing more is better, but then you feel guilty if you're here and guilty if you're there. And it feels like you are on this spinning, spinning hamster wheel. Maybe you are somebody that instead of feeling your true feelings, you throw yourself into other people or you throw yourself into work, right? Maybe you are the go to person for a lot of people and you are feeling the resentment. You feel like, gosh, it is not two sided, but your ego really likes the fact that you are the person they, they lean on, right? You have a hard time resting. Maybe this was me without thinking. You should be doing more or being more or achieving more or looking more, whatever you can insert whatever that looks like for you. But sometimes it's the doing that gets us away from who we really are in that authentic truth. And I get in the world that we live in today. Especially if you want to make an impact, if you want to be a strong leader, if you want to be somebody that is the go to for others. I hate to break it to you, but if you aren't living your authentic truth, you will really never do that to the capacity that you desire. And with that won't make the income doing that that maybe you want. And maybe income isn't the thing for you. Maybe it isn't, but maybe you want to attract the right relationships into your life in support. Maybe you want to become a mom or a parent someday. And you know that if you don't repair it, it's going to be repeated, whether it's by you or somebody that you love, somebody that you are responsible for sometimes, that you sometimes for who you're parenting and doing it all, controlling it all, and not looking internally will definitely rob you of everything that you want for your life. It'll. It'll feel like it's never enough. And the thing is, is you're chasing that goal line and not honoring the soul line. And that's where the Enneagram came into play for me well over a decade ago. And it is, next to my faith, probably the greatest tool in my toolbox, I think. So many of us want to operate in this place of intuition and use our intuitive, beautiful gifts. But the problem is, is we really quickly shut that down because a lot of times our intuition is telling us a way that we don't like or we don't know what's on the other side of that. So we usually pop into either instincts, which is a reaction to whatever's happening in front of us. We tap into our feelings, which is where we find evidence from the past, or we look so future that we create anxiety and fear because we. We need certainty. Now we use all three those different centers of intelligence, which is where the Enneagram comes into play. But if we are ignoring our intuition, a lot of times those centers of intelligence can be a little destructive for us. And that's where your core Enneagram type follows. It's really cool when you definitely lean into one of those centers of intelligence as your. Your home and your natural go to. But it never should override your. Your beautiful intuition. But I think so often we are just operating either in the past or the future that we can't hear that divine messaging. And that may look. That definitely looks different for each and every one of us. Depending on your Enneagram type, depending on what you've experienced, maybe you've experienced some trauma or hard experiences, or you were taught, told and modeled how you should be in order to be worthy of attention, approval, acceptance, love, honor, any of those things. And where the Enneagram can really, really help you as a leader, with those you love, with those that you lead, and especially for yourself, is really understanding where you naturally go, what your core motive is in everything that you do, what your core Fears are behind all of your coping mechanisms. When I was introduced to the Enneagram over a decade ago, I was 40 years old. And, you know, on paper, my life looked okay. And. And I had enough of the receipts and evidence to show that my way was not so bad. But internally, I felt everything that you're feeling. I felt like I was not being my authentic self, that I was just moving the finish line every damn day, and it was never good enough. And. And I could see things starting to play out in the lives of my children that I was not really happy about. And I knew that they were modeling my behavior. And my therapist had introduced me to the Enneagram. And I went into it kicking and screaming. I didn't want a label. I didn't want anything putting me in a box. I didn't want, you know, one of these loosey goosey kind of personality things telling me who the hell I was. And the problem was, is I didn't even know who the hell I was. And my therapist basically said that. And she said this might help you get out of the box that you've put yourself in. And just how about you give it a shot? And so I did. And the problem is, is a lot of times we're mistyped on the Enneagram. So if you're somebody who has used it or you believe and love it, it's great. But having the right information is a little tricky. It's not just like human design, where you can pop in some birthdays and place of birth and all the things, and poof, there it is. The Enneagram is a collision of nature and nurture. It's your divine wiring plus your life experience. And a lot of artificial intelligence can't take that into consideration. So if you're going to do this journey solo with the Enneagram, please take your time with it and use it responsibly and in integrity. It's why I have become so passionate about helping people just like you get their accurate type. Because once you have the right information, what you can do with it, and how you can accelerate your transformation and accelerate your growth and accelerate your impact and your income and your love and your honor and the things that you deserve and desire for your life. It's right there. And it has been the roadmap for well over a decade for me and the thousands of people I have worked with. So, back to the centers of intelligence. We operate. We use all three, right? And depending on what your core Enneagram type. And that does not change the Expression of it can. But the core enneagram type that you are does not change. And that's what center of intelligence you happen to fall in. So if you are an eight, nine, or one, you are in the instinct splintual center, which means you operate pretty much for the most part in the present time. That's your first natural go to. Now, if you need to get into the feels, you do lean into your feeling center of intelligence, and you do use the thinking center of intelligence. But your home is in that instinctual center. If you're a 2, 3, 4, you operate first in the feelings. Now, that can look really different. So if you're an enneagram, three, you might not think that you're operating in the feelings, but you are because you're looking for past evidence for your worth. You're looking for past evidence of being good enough, right? Same thing with the twos and the fours. That is, your home base is in the feeling center. Now, sometimes you do have to use the instinctual center, and obviously you have to use your thinking center. And how that plays out can look different based on your enneagram type. And if you are in the 5, 6, or 7 category of your core enneagram type, then you kind of seek future. You seek in the future. You're looking ahead. It's why they're great visionaries and, and all of that. But none of that overrides your intuition. But because life can be really messy and, and noisy, it's hard to tap into that intuition. But when you can use the enneagram as the compass and as the tool and as the roadmap for your soul and understand what motivates you and what your biggest fear is. When you are very clear on what that is, it clears the wreckage so that you can lean into your intuition. Now that is a muscle you'll need to build. Just because you know your enneagra type doesn't mean you're this intuitive honoring being at all times. It is a muscle you have to build. And muscles get built consistently on a daily basis and with an unconditional commitment to the effort you know, that you put into this. I have been not only learning, studying, integrating, coaching, teaching the enneagram every day for like 10 years, but I. I use it in everything that I do personally and professionally. So my muscle is pretty strong. So when life kind of hits me between the teeth or between the eyes and knocks my teeth out, sometimes the response time that I have to get to my intuitive response to life rather than, you know, My instinct, which is a reaction to the present time, the feelings, which is seeking the past evidence, or the fear and the anxiety of future thinking all the time, I can kind of clear that mess out of the way and really know what I'm divinely here to do. Now, if you want to know what the nine Enneagram types are, I'll go through them very quickly. Again, if you have taken an online assessment, know that Those are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. I have developed a program and I'm working with a beautiful assessment that has 95% accuracy. So once you have that proper information, then you can use that framework more effectively, and this will make a lot more sense for you. But I'll go quickly through each Enneagram type, what their biggest fear is, and what their core motivator is. Now, when you are going through the Enneagram and you're taking an online assessment, really take into consideration if you're going to go into this solo to take time to look at the motives of each one. Because a lot of times what pops up on these assessments is your coping mechanism, which is actually protecting that biggest fear. And depending on what you've experienced in your life and who's been talking to you your whole life, and maybe what beliefs you've built around what was taught, told, and modeled for you, what pops up on those online assessments could just be your coping mechanism and not you to your. Your core. So when you're looking, look at the motivator, not the behaviors. This is all about. This is why the Enneagram is different than all the other things. Different than disc, different than human design, different than Myers Briggs, different than the colors, all of it. This is rooted in your motives. And I think so many of us, especially high achievers and, and people that want to make an impact in the world, we've experienced a lot of stuff in our life that we know can serve someone else. But if we can't find our way to who we really, really are, then that's where imposter syndrome can kind of pop in. So, again, I'll go through each Enneagram type real quick. It goes way, way deeper than all of this. It's not complicated, but it is very, very complex. And obviously, the more that you lean in and have the correct information, this will help you so much more. It is why I've been able to not only really have a beautiful, beautiful, healthy, strong, honoring relationship with both my kids who are in their mid-20s. I have strong relationships in my life. I have Very strong boundaries in my life. I'm happier, healthier at 50 years old than I've ever been. And I've made a lot of money along the way. I think when we are honoring who we are at our core and really can honor that, anything's possible. So for the Feeling center, like I said earlier, you kind of are operating in the past. You process most things through your heart and what you feel. This is your. Your first go to once you kind of bypass your intuition. Where you go first is in your heart and in the past. The underlying emotion for the Twos, the Threes, and the Fours which fall in the center is shame. Now, for a 2, it is more external. For a 3, it gets shut down because they just don't want to feel that. And for the fours, they internalize it. Now for the Enneagram 2, they are motivated. Everything they do is motivated by being helpful. They want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. And so a lot of times they can be doing for others and, and self abandoning if they're not careful. Their biggest fear is not being loved or appreciated. So you can imagine if that is your core motivator, you might get some dysfunctional patterns that show up if this wasn't honored early on in your life. And this is where resentment and pride can kind of kick in for them too. And it can get very, very frustrating if you are an Enneagram too. For the Threes, they're motivated by a desire to be the best. This is where they find their worth is in being the best. And so how they appear, what they achieve, what they do in the world is their number one priority. And they will abandon relationships, their health, in order to do that. Their biggest fear is not being worthy or being the best. It's where they get a lot of their external validation. We see a lot of these Enneagram Threes, the competitive achiever. We see them online and we, we envy them if we aren't a three, because they make it look so easy. They are a great pace car, but they have this, this internal thing that every finish line they hit, they never find fulfillment. It's never enough. The Enneagram 4, the individualist or the creative or the romantic, they have this desire to be authentic and true to who they are and unique. Their biggest fear is being abandoned or not appreciated for who they are. So they kind of go on this constant quest for rediscovering themselves. A lot of times they'll quit before the miracle happens. They have the biggest emotional capacity on all The Enneagram. They are the most intuitive. However, when they get in their own heart, in their own head, they might think that something's missing in them. And so a lot of times their intuition gets bypassed and. And all sorts of hell breaks loose for an Enneagram. Four, they're. They're the least typed on the Enneagram. They're the hardest to type on the Enneagram. And that shame is really something that they internalize, where the two can kind of wear it on their sleeve. The three shuts it down. The four really internalizes it. And shame can keep them very, very stuck in the thinking center. We have the 5, the 6, and the 7. The 5 is the quiet specialist or the investigator. The 6 is the loyal skeptic or the loyalist. The 7 is the enthusiastic visionary or the enthusiast. I like to call them the innovators. All three of these types think into the future. They all need a little bit of certainty. Where the twos, threes and fours need significance, the 5, 6 and 7's main driver is certainty. How that looks for all three of these is very different. That fear and anxiety looks very different for the 5, 6 and 7. The fives internalizes it. The 6 kind of externalizes it, but the 6 can also internalize it. They're the one type that can really be completely different depending on the kind of Six they are. And the Seven shuts it down by. By distracting themselves, usually. Right? So the Five is motivated by a need to be equipped and capable and have enough information. Their biggest fear is not being prepared and having the right information. This can cause them to hoard their information and hoard their energy and go down the rabbit hole of investigating. They're the most introverted on the Enneagram, but everything that motivates that introversion is a need to have enough information and knowledge. They are very, very. But sometimes we don't get that from them because they're so worried about being depleted of energy and resources that they don't come out of the cave. Now, the Sixes need certainty that they are going to be prepared. Their biggest fear is being blindsided. Their need for certainty, to be supported, to be prepared. That's why they're the best troubleshooters on the Enneagram. They're great collaborators. They're excellent strategists. Very, very much so. And all that comes from that desire and that motive to have certainty. The certainty that they have all the information. Where that can get them into trouble is they don't trust easily. And they get really Upset with other people if they kind of don't give them all the information or if they're criticized for asking all the questions. Six can become paralyzed if they feel like they are going to be blindsided and then they aren't living life to their fullest. They are probably the most obvious looking with anxiety. Even though all of us can experience anxiety for six, it runs a little bit different for the Enneagram. 7. The enthusiastic visionary. They get the rap of being the most fun and enthusiastic on the Enneagram. They are visionaries because they are forward thinkers. They're motivated by the need to have all options and living life to their fullest. That is the motive behind every single thing that they do. They believe that anything is possible and they will want to show everyone how it's possible. Now that can also stem from the fear of experiencing pain or feeling stuck or caged in. And so a lot of times that enthusiasm and that excitement is a cover for not wanting to be trapped or not wanting to feel hard feelings. Sometimes they can get the bad rap of not being focused or all over the place. Some of that is just who they are because their brain is going 24. 7 of what's possible, which is why they are such great innovators and visionaries. And sometimes it's a fine line between that and not wanting to feel stuck in anything and avoiding certain things. So their fear and anxiety gets manifested by kind of a distraction thing. That's how they shut down the fear and anxiety. It looks more like unfocused rather than what it really is. And when a 7 can lean into the harder part of the feelings, that's when a lot of of their innovative stuff can actually come to fruition. And they actually can create more freedom and more choices and more options. When they slow down a little bit, it's hard for them to do. Finally, in the instinctual center, again, these three are more operating in the present time. That's their first natural go to after their intuition. All three of these types are motivated by a desire for independence and autonomy and control. That's why they're very present oriented. The Eights are more external. They push against that. All three of these types also the underlying emotion for all three of them is anger. Even though it looks very, very different and not as obvious. For some more than others, the Eights are the most obvious. It's why they're the most mistyped on the Enneagram. So many people are mistyped as an 8 because of that obvious anger. But again, it's all about the motive. The Nines shut down that anger and the ones internal, the anger. Now, how all three of these types seek and find independence, autonomy, control and truth looks very, very different. The 8th's biggest fear is being betrayed or violated, so they won't lean in for help, probably more than any other type. Also why they're often mistyped, but they kind of use their power to have independence and autonomy. It's why they're very lonely sometimes. Nines find independence and autonomy by creating harmony and peace in their environment and seeking peace and in their environment. And Ones find their control and independence and autonomy by being right and good. Right? So the Eights are called the Challenger or the Active Controller. The Nines are called the Adaptive Peacemaker. And the ones are called the Perfectionist, the Reformer. I like to call them the Sheriff. But all three of these types definitely want independence and control. And that anger can look very, very different for all three. Like I said, the Eights are more obvious. The Nines can have that anger come out in more passive aggressive behaviors and not even verbally. Sometimes their stubbornness and procrastination is a form of their anger. And Ones are more critical. They internally are very, very critical and angry. But sometimes that can be projected outwardly as well. So these are the nine basic Enneagram types. They do go a little bit deeper depending on your instinctual response to life, your tri type, how your wings come into play. All of these are part of the framework within your core Enneagram type. We also have numbers that we kind of go to when things are getting really, really heated and vulnerable. For each Enneagram we have other numbers that are like the Holy Grail and where we have to strive for. Again, having the right information is what is so key in that. And I have my own assessment now that I use that is 95% accurate. You also would get a 75 page blueprint customized just for you so that you can know exactly what you're working with and all the different frameworks. So when you are moving through your heart, your head, your instincts and your intuition, how that can play out and how to leverage all the gifts and tools at your fingertips. And I know like you can't do it all by doing it all. You can't control everything, you can't control life and what happens to you. I know you want to grow, I know you want to go further and look deeper. And with so much information out there about doing the inner work and inner child healing and all of that is really, really important. But if you don't know what you're working with, a lot of it can feel so overwhelming. Before I found the Enneagram or the Enneagram found me, I had done over 12 years of intense therapy. And although I made progress and was moving forward, I never felt fully seen, understood, heard, valued for who I was. It felt really messy. And if you're like me and I have a few decades under your belt, it can feel like unearthing some of this stuff that you need to work on can. Can be so overwhelming that it's just way easier to do what we've always done, which is gather more information or hire somebody else that maybe has the answer. But you being who you are, divinely who you are, and understanding all parts of you, when you understand that anything is possible, and the Enneagram has provided that for me and the thousands of people that I have worked with. When you understand the system and the framework and you can find honor and compassion and empathy and grace and everything that not only you've experienced, but but maybe what you've communicated, that is when you're able to make the impact that I know you're here to do. You don't have to be stuck on the sidelines of other people's lives. You can connect truly with who you are and the people you want surrounding you. You don't have to feel like you like hustle, hustle, hustle is where it's at. You don't have to numb out your feelings. I did that for 25 years through food, alcohol, codependency, addiction, you name it. When we feel we can get out of our head, and when we feel we can, we can really tap into what we are here to do. And I know if you are listening right now, you are here to make an impact. Your dreams are not too big to live out loud. And when you embody what you desire and lead with your true, authentic self, your world is transformed from the inside out. But to reach higher, you must look deeper. And for a lot of you, you. You so desire that, but you haven't known how. Or maybe you know, who knows? Who knows? But when the student's ready, the teachers appear. And that's how the Enneagram really transformed me. Even though I did not want anything to do with it, allowed me to continuously, each and every day, go deeper and deeper and deeper. And the deeper you go, the more impact you can make. If you have any more questions regarding the Enneagram or you want to be typed properly so that you can use this beautiful and effective tool. You can reach out to me@tracy omalley.com I'm on Instagram at Tracy_ O' Malley I know to be in this flow requires you to raise your hand and say I'm willing to go deeper. And when you do that, that's when the magic happens.

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