EP306: Why You Need the Enneagram in Your Life RIGHT NOW

Okay, I know you may have heard.

About the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professionally. H hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of.

The Enneagram and how they impact your.

Life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Well, Happy New Year. We are in 2023, you guys. It is unbelievable. I hope that you had a beautiful holiday season and if it was hard, know that I get it and I understand maybe you had a little bit of both like I did and like most of us have. And the beautiful part about life is we can hold both joy, sadness, anger, all of the different emotions simultaneously. And that is the beauty of the Enneagram in understanding how to navigate all of that. And if you are new to the show, maybe because somebody shared it with you, because of the new name is also the three year anniversary of this podcast. And you know, when I started this podcast three years ago, I was afraid to say that I was the Enneagram expert. I was afraid to plant my flag there, so to speak. And over the last decade that I have not only been a student, teacher, integrator and facilitator of the Enneagram, now more than ever, I believe it's so important that I say that I am the go to expert for the Enneagram. There are a lot of beautiful teachers that have been doing it a lot longer than I have or have been studying it. But like many of you in the personal development space, you have been consuming so much information, but if you don't integrate it or implement it, it actually makes it worse. And I think sometimes even in the Enneagram space, gathering more information doesn't really help you. And so, leading with the Enneagram, which is the new title and forever title of this podcast, I want to be your go to for understanding how to actually use this to transform your life personally and professionally. And I thought, you know, kicking off the three year anniversary and the new year and the new title, I wanted to bring you back to my roots with the Enneagram and why I am so passionate about it. I might get emotional because it started at a very vulnerable time in my. My life over 10 years ago when I was at a place where I thought, you know, I knew what I was doing. I was 40 years old, a single parent, coming out of a divorce, a recession, lost everything, including my. My own pride along the way, which was kind of important. But when I was introduced to the Enneagram, I came into it kicking and screaming. My therapist in rehab asked me to do this, and I told her to fuck off. Quite honestly, I didn't want a label. I didn't want to be put in a box. I was coming into rehab with plenty of labels, but my life was in shambles. Not necessarily on paper, but I knew it was imploding. And as a parent and as a leader, you know, our people, whether it's the people we're raising or the people we're leading or loving, will do what we do, not what we say to do. And I didn't know how to do anything differently. I knew maybe how to do it differently on paper, but I didn't know how to actually integrate it. And so enter the Enneagram. And I'm so grateful that I surrendered to that process. And sometimes it takes us at the most uncomfortable places in our life to be willing and open minded, to be honest, open and willing. That's how we do it to the process. And, you know, my kids were 14 and 15 at the time. Now they're in their mid-20s, which is unbelievable. And I was seeing generational shit show up for them, right? If we don't repair it, we repeat it or it gets repeated, or both. And that was very, very true. You know, I grew up in an alcoholic home. Emotional neglect, quite honestly, emotional abandonment also. And I was kind of left to figure shit out on my own at a very, very early age. I have beautiful parents. My. My dad passed away over 10 years ago. My mom is still alive. They're both beautiful people, but didn't know what the hell they were doing, right? None of us do as parents, let me tell you. I mean, and none of us have children thinking, you know what? I'm gonna up my kids, right? None of us go into that. But when we say things like, they did the best they could, we're kind of minimizing our own experience and our own perspective and really acknowledging what we didn't get right. It doesn't mean we're passing blame off on our parents or saying, you know, this is the way it is because of them. Like, we have a responsibility to transform our own lives. And you can use whatever you had growing up and make it something beautiful, right? I can't change what happened or didn't happen, but I absolutely can use that for something beautiful. And I have. But it got messy along the way a lot of the times because I didn't have kind of a system or framework to help me stay rooted in my faith. When things got hairy, I would go back to what I knew, which was dysfunction. And so the Enneagram really allowed me to have some framework that when I got off track a little bit, and we're humans, we're going to. It brought me right back into my divine calling, God's plan for my life and compassion and empathy for even people that did me wrong, including my own parents and myself. Quite honestly, when I looked at my kids at their mid teens and I knew I was failing them because they didn't have tools and they didn't have that kind of role model emotionally. They had a very tactical role model. They had work ethic, they had grit, they had courage, they had strength, they had all of that. But they didn't understand emotional connection or emotional regulation, quite honestly. And the Enneagram also provided me those tools. So as I was sitting in rehab and originally I was mistyped as a three, we figured out pretty quickly I'm not a three, even though behaviorally I can look like a three. And so for all of you that have taken an online assessment, know that they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. They are even the paid ones. And so, you know, you have to really look at the motive and the fear. And my therapist and I determined very, very quickly I was not a 3. I am actually an enneagram 8. And it made sense when I reverse engineered every area of my life, not only where I struggled, but also where I shined. It was always rooted in that same motive. And I realized, though, that I have two children that are not Enneagram Eights, and I was only speaking that language. And I was speaking to them as though they were motivated the same as I, that they feared the same things as I. And it's why they weren't feeling seen, heard, understood, or valued for who they were. And when that happens, especially as a parent, they will seek it somewhere else, usually through people that don't know them or have their best interest at heart, or they'll seek it in a substance or people, places, things you never know, right? Like I did. I. I didn't have that. So I was seeking everything outside of me to figure out who I was and to find value, to find where I felt valued and understood and seen. The gift of the Enneagram is being able to find that within yourself and anything else outside of yourself is just a bonus, right? You know, when I came home from rehab with this tool under my belt and really understanding that, you know, I have an Enneagram 2 son and an Enneagram 7 daughter. And for those of you that have kids and want to figure out what your kids Enneagram type is, I can help you with that. I'll probably do an episode on that. It's very controversial. There are a lot of schools of thought around the Enneagram and kids and. And all the things. I'm a firm believer in it, and that's okay. I would never give a kid an assessment or a label or tell them. In fact, when I got home from rehab, I didn't come home and say, hey, take this assessment. I didn't come home and say, hey, you're an enneagram 2 or you're an enneagram 7. But I started to speak to them as though they were. And I landed correctly. And I didn't tell them for another four or five years, actually, about the Enneagram. I was using it that whole time and speaking to them as though they were sevens and twos. And they were. And overnight, I earned credibility and trust back immediately because they did feel seen, heard, and understood. I was speaking in a different way to each of them, individually and collectively, in a way they could receive the messaging that had always been on my heart. The message hadn't changed, but the delivery of it absolutely did. And sometimes it isn't what you say it's how and when you say it. And the Enneagram can provide that for you. And over time, you know, over a decade now, we've been using this now they've been educated in the Enneagram. They understand it fully. They know their framework as a 7 and a 2. They know their subtypes and their instinctual responses to life and what that means. They know how and when to use their wings and their growth number and their stress number. They know the tri types and all of that. And all of that's great that they know that. But I want to fast forward to this last Christmas and the gifts of integrating this beautiful tool in your life. I've worked and helped millions of people now with leadership and the tool of the Enneagram and the framework and my unique integration of it that's very, very different from any other Enneagram expert out there. And I'm not saying that they're wrong, but like I'm in real time situations showing you in the trenches how to use it. Because I have done that every day for 10 years, personally and professionally. I've built million dollar organizations. I've helped others do the same using the tool of the Enneagram. But my home team is where it all started and it's why I do everything that I do. And if, you know, God forbid, my time on earth was being called short. What I received this last Christmas from both my children is proof enough that I have stepped into my purpose, my passion, my call. And the compound effect of this will go on long after I'm gone. So I am not a gift person. I don't love gifts. I don't love receiving them, even giving them. I am more about gifts from the heart. I do like to give gifts, especially if I know it's very intentional and thought out. And it isn't necessarily about what it costs or the flashiness, but it's like when I know somebody really, really well. So like, the gifts I gave my kids this year were very thought out and very unique to them and what they, what I know, like in their whole heart they would desire. My goal every year is not one gift get returned or exchanged. And I nailed it this year because I truly do know my kids fully. Their heart. I know what their they desire, I know what they, what they fear, what they, what they're, you know, all the things. But for myself, I don't like receiving gifts unless it's the same. But they, we started this about 10 years ago as well. I was like, I only Want a letter from you of, you know, maybe what you've learned from me over the years, maybe your big aha moments in our, our experience and our relationship together over the year. And although I'm not going to publicly share, their letters this year were probably my favorite from both of them. You know, they're like 25 and 26 now, so, you know, they have adulting under their belt. And I think as a parent, the fact that I'm their number one go to for wisdom and not in a codependent way, not because they don't have confidence in themselves, because they do. I've taught them to be critical thinkers and to trust their own intuition unique to them as a two and a seven. Right. How they think and how they process is very, very different. But when they are seeking wisdom and wise counsel, I'm their first call every time. And again, not in a codependent. They don't know how to figure things out on their own kind of way. It's really, really important part of the puzzle here because I as an 8 can swoop in and be this, the pillar of strength and the rock. And although I'm very, very good at that, I recognize my pattern in a lot of my relationships, not just with my kids, is I enable people to be reliant on that. A lot of that was ego subconsciously. Right. And so obviously I don't want that for my children. I want them to be able to make their own decisions. And I have wisdom and experience, obviously at 50 years old that they don't have. But the fact that they come to me to learn adulting things means a lot to me. And it was cool because usually my daughter's letters, she's the enneagram7 and her font and. And usually she has lots of doodles and pictures and coloring all over hers. But hers looked very, very different this year. Hers was still the same font, very cute. She's had the same font since she was a little girl. And it's. I love it, it's so cute. But it was very five, like quite honestly. And if you know the enneagram the 7 goes to 5 in their growth. And I bald when I was reading her her letter. You know, she's 26 years old and this is the most likely will move in with her significant other. She'll probably end up engaged this year. She is exploring broader horizons professionally in all of her her things, like she wants to grow as an adult. This was a year of learning adulting things like credit scores and interest rates and Credit cards and how to manage that and parenting advice. This is a girl who never thought she would be a parent or a wife one day and she's seriously looking forward to that. One of the things she wrote in her letter that really got me, my beautiful seven free spirited daughter said, I have compassion for daughters that don't have what we have. You walk your talk and I am beyond blessed to be in the downline of breaking generational patterns. It's been a year full of adulting and your guidance with love, but also making sure it was fun for me along the way. That is so powerful. That is the beauty also of understanding her as an enneagram. 7 I had to make it fun. I had to let her know that even in the adulting it wasn't going to confine her or restrict her from living her best life and doing all the things she wants to do. Even when my eight brain was very tactical, I was like, okay, I'm being very tactical, but I don't want to dim her spirit. When you know how to speak the language of the person you're talking to, whether it's the people you love, raise or lead. This is where trust and credibility and, and true transformation can happen and intimacy and connection in these relationships and the fact that this is with my own daughter is so beautiful because I don't have that relationship with my mom. I wish I could have, I really do. My mom was a beautiful, is a beautiful person, but she just didn't have the emotional capacity to do this kind of work. And so have, we don't have that. So I had to learn it. Right. We can. This is where we break the generational stuff. So I, I was so, so excited to read her letter. I'm not going to go into more of it, but they both said we are who we are because of you going first with courage, strength, passion and love. And then my son's letter, which was so cool because he's usually very put together and his, he has a very unique font too. It's, it's perfect. I mean he was the kid in grade school. Every teacher wanted him to do the writing on the chalkboard. He's meticulous and all the things he does, definitely his strong one wing for sure. But his had color and doodles and pictures and emojis on it. And I love it because his growth number is the four. The individualist and the creativity. And I've watched him especially this year, it's been his most transformative year in personal relationships and professionally. He disappointed People by walking away from relationships and a career path that he was on to people he truly, truly cared about a lot and respected. And he had boundaries for what he desired and what he knew he wanted for his future. Even though as an Enneagram too disappointing people is like your biggest fear. But he did it anyway. And to see his individualists come out, I've seen him and listened to him pick up his guitar and play music and creative writing and even his artistic stuff on the letter I got this year was beautiful. But as an Enneagram too. He can get, you know, in his own head and have self doubt. And some of the things he wrote were, thank you for reminding me every day to be myself. And when insecurities and self doubt creeped in, you met me exactly where I was and helped me move forward in confidence and peace. When you can give an Enneagram to that kind of gift. And again, like I am very like intense. And I have to remember that when I meet him with intensity, sometimes he won't receive it. In fact, it can freak him out more. And so being gentler and again, the message didn't change, but my delivery of it absolutely did. And that's where he can lean on my strengths. And you know, this year, my beautiful, compassionate, empathetic, strong as fuck enneagram2son. I have seen him step into his masculine energy in a way that doesn't rob him of his compassion and empathy and sensitivity, but in fact enhances it. And my God, is that a beautiful gift for him, for anybody he touches, for his, you know, career path, for, you know, the person that is out there, like looking for him too. It's going to be beautiful. And the reason I'm sharing this with you is because the Enneagram helped me do this with my children. This looks really, really different. Over a decade ago, I wasn't their go to person for wisdom. I was their safe place. For sure, I taught them work ethic and strength and things. But the most sensitive places of their heart that form who they will be out in the world has everything to do with my faith, my recovery and of course the Enneagram. And so I wanted to start off this episode. The three year anniversary and the new like me planting my flag. I am your expert in leading with the Enneagram. I can help you transform your life. I can help you use the gifts that were divinely given to you and leverage them. And also leverage the parts of you where you struggle. It doesn't have to be the parts that you hide or you're ashamed of or that you numb out. I can help you leverage those two and help surround you with the very people that can support and bookend those parts of you. I can help you transform your family and your marriages. I do a lot of couple work too. You know, me being in my own personal relationship, it is where the tool of the Enneagram has really helped me nurture that, even when it's really, really challenging, and there are some really challenging situations within that relationship. And because of the Enneagram and my integration of it, not only is my own relationship doing really, really well, but I've helped thousands of other relationships thrive or end. Because sometimes they do and sometimes they need to. If you are in a place in your life where you want more of this framework in your life, continue to tune in here. I'll be bringing real life use of the Enneagram, real life situations, personally and professionally. I'll bring great conversations to you with people that are walking the talk. And, you know, I am their go to Enneagram person. They're very successful, but they also, you know, use this tool in their life. And. And I'm like their guide. So I'm going to bring you more of those conversations. I might even bring you client spotlights, people that, you know, not just have hired me, but, you know, have really fallen in love with the mentorship relationship and continue on with that. If you are somebody that wants to dive deeper in the Enneagram, like I said, 65 to 70% of you listening right now have been mistyped on the Enneagra and using the framework, you have to have it right. And so I have worked really hard to bring you an assessment that is over 95% accurate. I have beta tested this thousands of times, and those numbers are more than accurate. You can get your own customized blueprint with my assessment. You can go to my website, traceyomally.com right now. Go get it. It's a great gift to give someone again. It's like your handbook. And I've had to reference my Enneagram blueprint multiple times over the last decade. It is the greatest thing, next to my faith that I have to keep me grounded in compassion, in empathy, in service, in grace. And it's allowed me to not only create this beautiful home team that I have, but professionally, I am doing what I was always designed to do. And I'm abundantly blessed financially because of it. And I want to help more of you do that. It starts with having the right information. So go get your blueprint. Right now it is the best money you will ever spend to get this information right. And then you can have me in your back pocket here on this podcast. Know what to do with it. If you want to dive deeper with me and have me on speed dial, then go to Tracy O' Malley.com you can also book a 90 minute session with me where I can teach you in your life specifically what this looks like. And I have private VIP coaching available to you where you get me for a few months on speed dial. It's pretty amazing. It feels really good to say I am your Enneagram. Go to and I will go toe to to to toe with anyone, any of the experts out there. They're all amazing in their own unique way. But actually using this in your life. I am your person and I am proud to say that. And until I'm done on Earth, I will continue to do this because I have seen firsthand in my own heart, my own home what this can do. I've seen it impact millions of people all over the globe and I want to help you have that compound effect in your life too. As always, I am wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. And stay tuned. There is more more beautiful leading with the Enneagram to come. If you love this episode, share it with somebody. If you know somebody who loves the Enneagram or who you want to learn about the Enneagram, send me their way. Seriously, there's no better way to learn about the Enneagram than right here on this podcast. And I'm so grateful for you. I'm wishing you all a beautiful 2023.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead.

You into the next level of your life, Sam.