EP307: Use The Enneagram to Transform Your Partnerships—Personally and Professionally

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show.

Where you will actually learn how to.

Use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding.

Of how to help you implement this.

Into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Well, hello there and welcome to the.

Second podcast episode of the year with the lead with the Enneagram podcast. I am so excited to chat with you today because I know like we're moving into 2023. I know for many of you 2022 was very eye opening, personally, professionally, and today I wanted to talk about probably the most important thing that the Enneagram can do in your life and that is partnerships. And that could mean as a life partner, as a business partner, entrepreneur, integrator in your business, family dynamics, all the things. And I know that usually the holiday season brings up a lot of the cracks foundation for some of the most important partnerships in your life. And if you are like me, you may recognize that some of the partnerships that you have hooked your trailer to aren't working the way that you want to. And there's one of two things you can do. You can figure out how to better communicate, how to get on a different understanding, or you might have to realize that that part of the story might be over. But before we throw in the towel, I am not one. Even though I'm an enneagram8, and I can be immediately with people, places and things at a moment's notice, that is one of my gifts and also one of the biggest Kryptonites in my life. Because there have been times where when I'm done, I'm done, and, like, peace out, Boy Scout and Girl Scouts. And that's not always the most effective way to turn the page. And so I really wanted to emphasize today the power of the Enneagram and the integration of the Enneagram into your partnerships and how to maybe discern whether this has the ability, this partnership has the ability to go the distance, at least for this year and. Or this is the time for this relationship to come to an end. Not an easy thing to do. And 2022 for me was a mass exodus. It really, really was. Sometimes it was my decision and my timing and the way that I would have wanted it to go. And probably for most of the relationships, it wasn't on my terms, even though for all of them, I knew they had run their course. And this has been very eye opening for me where some of my patterns of like, well, keep this around, even though I'm not afraid of conflict, that's a really hard thing to do, is like, nothing bad has happened. It's probably also why when I knew things were over, I just would blow up my life. We don't have to blow up our life to end partnerships, right? But if we don't take the action and have the conversations, sometimes we don't even realize that the relationships we've kept around because they aren't that bad. And even though they might be a little soul draining, you know, if you're like me, you've spent a lifetime doing that. And so you don't even realize how much of an energy vampire these partnerships are until they're done. Right? So how can we, if we're in the stage right now that we want to see if this partnership can go the difference? This is what I want to tell you about the Enneagram. So I do a lot of work with couples that are romantically linked, as well as business partners, entrepreneur, integrator, you know, people that are co founders of a business and they're the most intimate relationships in your life. They really, really are. They're the people that you spend the most time with, the ones that see your biggest vulnerabilities. And if you think that this relationship can go the distance, really having some facilitation in here to understand each of you individually, right? Unique to who you are. This is the. The foundation of the gift of the Enneagram is, you know, first understanding how to most honorably and effectively and compassionately lead yourself and leveraging your gifts and also leveraging where maybe you aren't as strong and then you can move on to the other people in your life. Your partner in life is one of the biggest decisions you'll make. And if you decide to, you know, create a family with those people, it's really important to understand how to bring out the best in each other. Right? And I know that maybe you were like me and already started the family and got in a few years or a decade or two, and you realize, like, I don't. I don't know if this can make it right. Maybe you just need to tweak the communication style. Maybe you need to better understand each other. Had I had this information when I was married, I don't know if it still would have made a difference. Honestly, I was just such a different person at 20 years old than I was at 34 when it ended. And if we don't learn how to grow together, even in our uniqueness, it's going to be very, very challenging. And we don't want to live as roommates in romantic partnership. We really, really don't. So what do we do? Okay, first thing we do is understand ourselves. And it's why I love the Enneagram so much. When it was introduced to me at 40 years old, I thought I had figured myself out, and clearly I didn't know what I was doing, even though on paper I had all the receipts to show that everything was great. Right? I was able to make money even when shit hit the fan. I was able to raise children that coaches, teachers, other kids, parents absolutely adored. You know, for the most part, my health, at least on the outside, was thriving. You know, so that's how we justify our like. Good is the enemy of great. And I knew different. And, you know, I knew that in order to call in the right friends, the right businesses, the right opportunities, the right romantic partners, I really needed to understand myself fully. And I know for many of you, maybe you're the person in the relationship that has signed up, raised your hand, said, I want to grow. You're into personal development. But what do you do if your partner doesn't really like? What do you do? And for many of you, you shove this shit in their face. And that's not the way to do it. It's not. One of the things I learned most in recovery over a decade ago was attraction rather than promotion. That goes to the way that I choose to operate in recovery. This goes as far as people that are faith driven. Like slamming this into people's faces isn't going to work. Even the enneagram, jamming it down people's throats because you so desperately want them to change is not how you and your partner grow together. Right. You have to walk your talk without saying a damn thing to your partner. And one of the things that really changed my life personally and professionally was, you know, worrying about myself when my kids were little, you know, and they're Irish twins, so they're practically the same age. They're amazing. But, you know, when they're. They're little and they're very different from each other and they don't feel like the other one's doing it the right way, what do we do? We complain about it. We tattle. We're like call their out without taking accountability for ourselves. And the thing that I used to say to my kids all the time was, worry about yourself. Worry about yourself. And I don't even like the word worry, but, you know, focus and. And keep your side of the street clean. Right. And if you're in a partnership romantically, where you feel you're outgrowing your partner, I know that that can be very, very scary. And I've been in probably my last two, not the one I'm currently in, but the two prior relationships of romantic nature I absolutely had outgrown my partner. And one of two things happen. Either we continue to grow and we see if they're along for the journey by actions, not by words, or we dim our light and have resentment over it, which is exactly what happened for me. Right. And that never ends well. That never ends well. Right. So how do we get our partner on board if we know we're growing and they're not? Well, you have to do it for you. You have to grow for you. I'm not guaranteeing that your relationship and partnership will make it. Most of the time it won't. Especially if you entered your partnership on different terms. Right. And it might require very hard conversations that aren't filled with blame and judgment. Hard to do when you have buried your own soul. Nobody asked you to do it. Right. You. You have that choice. And it's a really hard realization that this person that you love, that there's nothing wrong with, they have so many Beautiful things to bring to the table. And they do. They're not going to grow with you. And it will stifle your growth. It will energetically bankrupt you eventually. And you know, especially if you choose to be a parent with this person, your kids will pick up on some of this. And if you don't repair it, you repeat it or it gets repeated. Right. But one of the things you can do really is I do couple and partner enneagram sessions. I've done a few, especially through the holiday season, with couples that are amazing with each other. They really, really are powerful. Powerful. And they know they have it in them. And sometimes having this facilitator who can be objective and that isn't as slow as therapy can be. And I love therapy. You know, I believe in it. But I know especially if you are wanting to accelerate the transformation in your partnership or if you're maybe in a little bit of a crisis, therapy is very slow and actually sometimes can build more resentment if it's too slow. It's like, why the hell are we doing this? Again, I am a full believer in therapy. Therapy is not necessarily the go to when you're in crisis. It's more preventative. Right. Honestly, usually though, we, we sign up and get into therapy when all hell's breaking loose and the wheels are flying off their axle and it doesn't move fast enough for us to get to that. It's why I chose to be a coach rather than a therapist. Even though all my therapists and most of my clients tell me it's like, you're like this therapist. I'm like, no, I'm absolutely not a therapist. No, no, no. Too many rules for me. It's a gift of being an enneagram 8. I like to move very aggressively through life. That's again, a gift and a curse, right? So if you have a partner, maybe they've heard of the enneagram first before you slam it down their throat. One of the things I always ask in my couple session, I'm like, are you happy to be here? Are you pissed that you're sitting here in front of me and this. Sometimes it's the male that will initiate this, sometimes it's the female. Sometimes in same sex partnerships, you can usually tell one is really wanting this and the other is like, yeah, sitting there with their arms crossed. And I can usually tell energetically. But the fact that people show up for this is a miracle in of itself sometimes. And I really make sure that both people. It's not a blaming session. It's not like he did me dirty or she did me dirty or they did me dirty or any of those things. It's. That's not what this is about. This is really so you can kind of lift the hood on what's really underneath all of this. Even with couples that have been together for decades, I've done this with, and you have this different level of compassion for the person that you have chosen to be in partnership with. It's powerful. Now it's just information. Unless we integrate it, information doesn't equal transformation. The integration of it does. So having a guy do this with you is very, very powerful. Not only will you end up with knowing your correct enneagram type, which is the number one thing, because 65 to 70% of you are mistyped on the enneagram. I'm telling you right now, I don't care what test you take out there. Those are the facts. And if you're going to use the number one growth tool in my life, next to my faith, I'm telling you, getting the right information is pivotal. This is a great tool, but you have to have the right information to really use it to its power. So go get your enneagram blueprint from me today. Or if you do a couple session that's part of it, you get your blueprints, you get typed accurately, and you get 90 minutes with me as a partner and couple. It's powerful, Powerful. And I love hearing the feedback, the testimonies from the couples months, years later of the way that they operate in their partnership. It's so much different. There's so much more understanding and compassion. It doesn't mean that you don't get pissed off. You don't get triggered, you don't get irritated. But you recognize that most of the things that trigger us and piss us off about other people that we're in partnership with has very little to do with us. It may feel personal, I'm not negating that, but it usually isn't right. And when we know the framework we're working with, not just for ourselves, but for our partners, it's a game changer. It's a game changer. Now, this also rings true for business partnerships. It really, really does. I mean, it's great. And usually you enter in partnership with people that you know your vibe, It's a good vibe. You really like them, they have the same vision as you. And sometimes that can be a really big problem. If you have two visionaries and nobody's an integrator, that's a problem. It will be a problem unless you communicate and understand this and then, you know, hire support around you. Sometimes that conversation hasn't been had. You're just frustrated that nobody is taking the reins on the integration and you're both operating in life as a visionary. Again. This can happen in relationships too. My daughter, for example, if you haven't listened to the podcast episode that I did with her, it's amazing. It was right before the new year. She is in a relationship. She's an Enneagram 7 with an Enneagram 7. Two big enthusiastic visionaries. And so they have to constantly kind of meet at the table and like, okay, we're both visionaries, we're both big dreamers. And that's amazing. That's not going to change. But they take responsibility for who will integrate what, because if they don't, it's. I don't care how much chemistry and how much magic they have. Eventually, over time, resentment will build, especially as we enter things into a partnership that complicate things. You know, bigger expenses, family additions, you know, things like deaths, all sorts of things. The world climate, you know, when things come, how are you guys going to handle it as a partnership in business? You know, taking you back. I did an episode on blind sides. Like I did a whole series on blind sides. I was thinking about. I was in partnership business wise with my husband at the time. He is an enneagram7. And we tried to maintain our business after we got divorced during a recession. It was just not pretty. And because, you know, we didn't communicate very well. I was an integrator for sure. He is a visionary as a seven. And I was really, really frustrated because I hadn't articulated the responsibility unfairness in certain ways. And of course it blew up our entire business. We had a blind side that we could not recover from financially in that business. And you know, had we had maybe this information sooner, even as a divorced couple trying to run a business, maybe it could have been salvageable. Would I have wanted to? Probably not. But again, you know, when you're in partnership with business, it's easy when things are easy. But when things are easy, it's usually setting you up for some hard later. So do the hard stuff in the beginning or if you're in the thick of it, like seriously, get somebody in with you that can help you deal with the personality differences. People that are different in personalities actually can be the biggest power team of all. And honestly, you need a lot less resources and a lot less people working in your business. When you have two very different personalities. That's amazing. However, it is also very, very frickin triggering. When you have somebody that operates different than you, motivated, different than you, is fearful of different things than you, handles crisis different than you. And if you don't understand this when that happens, because it will like how are you going to handle it? You're going to blow up your life, you're going to blow up your business? Are you going to ruin the relationship? Are you going to get a case of the fuck it's what are you going to do? So understanding this maybe before you know you're in crisis will be really, really helpful. I do all kinds of partnership sessions. They are so valuable. So valuable. It starts with you again if you haven't been typed properly. You get more bang for your buck in a partnership session because you will get your blueprint, you will get typed properly and you'll get time collaborating with me and your partner romantically. Business. Sometimes for, for you it might be both. You might be in business with your romantic partner. That's amazing and also very, very tricky. Okay, so start off to your right. You can go to Tracy O' Malley.com the work with me section. I believe it's the third option down. It will be life changing or it may open your eyes that some changes need to happen. Maybe you need to change the way the partnership is run business wise. Maybe you have to have deeper heart to heart conversations romantically and maybe, maybe those relationships have run their course. Never an easy decision. Never easy to do. When I was in the space of not only ending my marriage, but also ending the business partnership, it was the hardest time in my life. Seriously. It was so, so hard. And it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Honestly. It was the catalyst for all sorts of change for the person you see today. There's no way I do what I do. There's no way that I take the steps that, that I did. There's no way I'm here, you know, Using the beautiful gift of the enneagram to help millions of people transform their businesses and their lives and their leadership in their home team and their, their personal and professional teams. There's no way. So sometimes the hard things, the endings of things or the rejuvenation of these partnerships are exactly the thing that needs to happen. You can't have all the great parts of your life without polarity. You have to have some contrast. You have to. It's never easy, it's never comfortable, it's never fun and usually not Very inexpensive. But it's the most important kind of investment you can make is in yourself and in your partnerships, especially the ones that are most valuable to you and your life. Honestly, I. I can't even imagine, you know, what my partnerships romantically, you know, I'm in a relationship now and there's no way, there's no way in the three or so years we've been hanging out together and building whatever this looks like for the future together without the Enneagram, I would have absolutely not operated at my highest self. And again, he is not somebody who is like in personal development day in and day out like I am. But again, I'm attraction rather than promotion. He is doing his kind of work at his pace. And although it's not at the pace that I would, I'm learning some things from him along the way because I understand how he operates as an enneagram 4 I do. In the past, I would have just annihilated him in a lot of ways and that definitely wouldn't make the relationship stronger and I wouldn't receive the gifts that he absolutely does bring to the table. Huge, huge gifts he brings to the table for me. So I know that this isn't easy. And starting this year off on solid ground, on solid foundation, doing the hard stuff at the beginning, honestly, it will set you up for success for the entire year of 2023, personally and professionally in all kinds of your partnerships. It's game changer, game changer. And as always, I'm honored to walk this journey in the trench with you. I do. I really love what I get to do and especially couples and partners that I know have big visions in their families and in their their life changing businesses that they're bringing to the world. It's an honor to be that person by your side and help facilitate better communication, a stronger culture and compassion all across the board. If you love this episode, please share it with somebody. If you have not gotten typed properly again, 65 to 70% of you are mistyped on the Enneagram. And if you love this tool then need the right information, you can get your customized 75 page blueprint that I have worked really, really hard on. You will get typed accurately at least 95% of the time. And if you think it's not accurate, I'd be happy to hop on a call with you for 15 minutes if you don't think it's right. But again, my thousands and thousands and thousands of typing interviews and things over the last decade, those numbers are very accurate. So get your blueprint or if you know you want to dive in with a partner personally or professionally, you can go to Tracy O' Malley.com also. That's where you get your blueprint. Third option down is partner or couple sessions or third or fourth thing down. Get yours today. It will be a great way to kick off the most magical year of your life. I'm so grateful for you. Thank you for tuning in and showing up. Share this episode with somebody that you think needs to hear it. Until next time you guys.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode you can DM me on Instagram Tracy tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.