EP312: When the Haters Come Out to Play… What Are You Gonna Do?? Fight, Fawn, or FLOURISH

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back. Today's topic, I think is really, really important because here we are about three, four weeks into the new year, and maybe you have been working really hard declaring all the big things that you're going to do. You've told the universe, you've told God. You've not only set your intention, but you're actually taking action on it. And what happens when we step into our light? Sometimes we get resistance. Or like me, haters come out of the woodwork. And literally, I was told last week that I'm going to hell for the work that I'm doing with the Enneagram. And it fired me up a little bit. Like, obviously. And you know, thankfully, I am very self aware and I know what that's about. Right? Obviously. Like, that's just terrible for somebody to say regardless of their right to their own opinion. Right? It's hateful. It's very hateful. And especially when you are so passionate about what you're doing. And you know, it's for good when people have their own opinion and the keyboard warriors come out, you have a decision to make. And I really wanted to share this with you because I know that you, if you are declaring big things for 2023 and you're taking action on them, you are going to feel resistance. You know you are. And what you do about that is key. You can't change or control anything outside of yourself, really. But you can control how you respond, what you believe about it, and then what action you take moving forward. So I'll take you to the story a little bit. So as you know, as you're listening, at the beginning of the year for the third anniversary of my podcast, I finally planted my flag and said, like, this podcast is about the Enneagram and leading with the Enneagram and integrating the Enneagram. And with that change, I knew it's why I resisted it. If you'd listen to the, the first episode of the year, part of the reason why I resisted putting Enneagram in the title was, yeah, more exposure. Now you might be thinking, why would you not want exposure? Right? I'm not somebody who's driven by significance. I'm really, really not. And honestly, I love, love flying under the radar. I like being the best kept secret. I like that. And I knew when I changed the name and put Enneagram in the title, I would be on a lot of more people's radar, especially with this podcast. I mean, I have over 300 episodes, close to a half a million downloads, well over hundreds of reviews. Like, if you go searching for Enneagram podcasts, now mine will pop up right before it really didn't, unless you were digging for it. So with this happening, I knew there was going to be some stuff that come out, you know, and I was like, okay, well, here we go, here we go. Day one is when this person got on my Instagram, basically, and I left the comment up there. I was, I'm not about deleting them. And it was a good exercise in kind of, you know, how we move through this, right? And literally super hateful. And I'm a woman of faith, mind you. And she was all about, you know, you're going to hell, you're doing Satan's work, all the things seriously. And my first instinct was anger, because that's enneagram8. If I feel betrayal, violation, or put in a vulnerable situation, which that's very vulnerable, the public can see this comment on my feed and oh my goodness, like, what if Somebody like you sees that and. And starts to think like this person does. Right. You know, that's my first instinct as an Enneagra date, and doesn't mean it didn't piss me off, and it doesn't mean it wasn't hurtful, but how I chose to respond to it. Right. First, internally, it's like, this means I'm doing really, really great work. And I also know that this creates a new narrative around why I'm so passionate about the Enneagram and allows me to be more convicted in what I do, because I do believe that anything that teaches us that that's a tool that teaches us more love and compassion is what God would want. Right. And even though, yes, there is the Bible out there, I've seen the Bible tool used like a weapon. The Enneagram tool absolutely can be used as a weapon. Human design can be used as a weapon. Astrology can be used as a weapon. The Bible can be used as a weapon. It's all in the intent and the motive behind the tool that we're using. And I was very tr and I left the comment up there and I was like, listen, like, I believe. And I'm like, I know that you won't hear this, but the truth is, is this allows me to stay rooted in my faith. I can spread the beautiful, beautiful word of kindness and compassion and empathy and grace and service with this tool in a way that maybe others couldn't receive it through scripture even, or maybe you have religious trauma like I have had, and judgment around that. Obviously this person wasn't hearing it, and she still said I was going to hell and all those things. But, you know, it's how we deal with those haters. I could have used it to play small hide out. Ironically, I haven't been on social media much since then, and it has nothing to do with that. I think that that comment really allowed me to get more rooted in why I'm doing what I'm doing. And I, you know, I have to check myself, too. It's like, is this isolation? Am I in solitude? What is this about? Absolutely 1000% it is about solitude and really becoming more rooted, not only in my faith, but with the work that I'm doing. The work that I'm doing, I'm so passionate about. I do believe it's for good all the time. And I'm very clear when I am teaching this and teaching this to teams and individuals and couples and families and all the things that it is used in, integrity. And if you aren't going to use it that way then? Probably not for you. I'm not for you. So I wanted to take this opportunity to share that with you. Because you, as you are stepping into what you are not only designed to do, but you desire to do in this world, you're going to be confronted. It's almost like God, the universe, the powers that be are going to test you to see if this is what you really, really want. And I've had that in my life. Not just, you know, recently, but even in relationships. It's like, okay, you know, you put things out there and, and the hard stuff comes sometimes in the form of haters and the old me, and maybe this is you too, would have fought and defended. I've often said this to clients and even my kids. If you have to defend yourself with words and you get into the sparring match verbally with somebody, especially somebod, somebody that you know isn't open minded on the other end, maybe there's an element of truth to what they said, right? I've had relationships this last year. The person on the other end had some really nasty shit to say. And of course my first instinct is to kill them. Fight, you know, get aggressive. But when I pause and really turn inward and figure out what hurt about that, what is true about that, what do I need to work on in regards to that? I felt zero, zero need to defend anything and anyone that believes what that hater said about me going to hell because I'm doing Satan's work with the Enneagram or what that person said about me and my character. I know both of them without any hesitation in my, my soul that neither of them are true. Do I need to defend it? Absolutely not. Here's the thing. Anything that we put energy into, we're going to end up creating more of, right? And I'm not saying that. I mean I'm an enneagram8. I'm damn near a hundred percent Irish and I'm an Aries. I have been born to fight. I came out of the womb fighting and it makes me feel alive. I'm always up for conflict. I know my twos and nines and fives are like, yeah, I don't want any part of that. But like that's my wiring. And so, but what happens is, is when we, when we put energy towards something and even defending haters, and especially when we know A, it's not true and B, this is what you're here to do, you are here doing beautiful work in this world. Not everybody's going to receive it that way. And especially when you are in that light and so convicted to what you're doing, it's going to make people uncomfortable. Lots of people uncomfortable. And especially not just strangers and, and weirdos on the Internet, but the people in your life. You might have haters in your own home. It might be a little more passive or subtle or sneaky, but anytime you're stepping into who you are, really, it changes the rules of things. Not just in your relationships, but out in the world. You're telling the universe that like, I am ready, I am ready for what's next. And you're getting tested. What that hater did for me actually was confirmed to me. Like, hell, yes, this. I am doing beautiful work. I am doing God's work in, in a way, right? And I'm not going to let some yahoo that feels like I need to be saved derail me from the beautiful work that I'm doing with hundreds of thousands of people. And you are being tested too. Maybe you haven't declared to the universe because you've had that happen. Maybe you have stepped into that. And you know, this January panic and desperate energy that comes out, I think a lot of that is happening right now. I think, you know, this is why a lot of people are struggling too. Because you're seeing all this energy out there. Like you gotta do it. It's January 2023. You gotta make things happen. Gotta make things happen. And I get it. I get it. And then you throw all this out there and all this frantic panic energy is creating disruption for a lot of people. And maybe that's you and maybe that's why you're depressed. Maybe that's why you're playing small. Maybe it's why you're self sabotaging. Maybe it's why you're procrastinating or stuck in perfectionism or over giving or hiding out or chasing shiny objects, right? Maybe if you have people pushing back with resistance, you can call them haters, you can call them assholes, you can call them ignorant, you can call them doing you a favor. It is an indication that you are on the right path. Now you are going to have to come to that fork in the road and decide what are you going to do about it? Are you going to put energy into fighting with that? And I know this might even be your own partner or spouse. Like you're going to have to have hard conversations if you know in your soul this is what you're supposed to be doing. And it doesn't have to be professionally. It can be making decisions for your life, your finances, your health, whatever that looks like. If it is truly the path you're supposed to be going on, and this involves people very close to you, you are going to have to have hard conversations and really getting to the place where you're not defending it, but being rooted in it. Because when we start defending, we start saying things that we don't always mean, we. We get a little heated and the message can't be heard. This is when I say it's time to be effective, not necessarily right. The message can be heard when we communicate from an effective place. And it's why I love the Enneagram. The Enneagram really allows you to check yourself first and then kind of assess who's in front of you and how to deliver a message. The message doesn't have to change the delivery. The timing, the tone absolutely is important. Right? And if you want the person on the other side, whether it's a hater on the Internet or the person that you love in your home, how you deliver the timing and the tone is going to be important. Now, it's not a guarantee that they're going to receive it, and you can't control that. But this is how. When that person said I'm going to hell, I didn't respond in a hateful, energetically bankrupting way. When the relationships that I had end and this person pops off publicly, I felt zero, zero desire to energetically put anything into that. And you know what happened? I had a hell of a lot more energy to do what I'm here to do. I made a shit ton more money. My health thrived. My relationships that I do honor and cherish, that can really stand the test of time, exploded in growth because I didn't put energy into something that doesn't serve me. I knew what I was here to do. I know that my motives are pure. I know the intention behind everything I do is for the greatest good. Now, I am not responsible for how anybody feels about that, and neither are you. Not easy. This is a muscle that you have to build. It's one thing to know your Enneagram type and most of you are are typed improperly. So having the right information to start building your emotional intelligence muscle is going to be key. The Enneagram, honestly, is the strongest emotional intelligence muscle I've ever used in my life. It allows me to stay rooted in my faith. It doesn't get better than that. And if this is a tool you want to start using like this, like, let me tell you, having the right information is key. And it's why I waited as long as I did to bring you an assessment that I could believe in. I searched long and hard. And finally, finally I have something I put my name on. And it's got 95% accuracy. And to use this tool and all the framework that's attached to it, you have to have the right information. You do. Otherwise you're kind of. It's kind of like setting your gps, saying, hey, Siri, I want to go to Mexico, right? But you have the wrong coordinates, so you end up in San Diego. Not a bad place to be for sure. But it's not where you are designed to go. So having the right information on the Enneagram is key. You can get your very own accurately assessed enneagram type. You will get your own custom 75/page blueprint that I worked really, really hard to bring you the most valuable information. It's like a guidebook. It's like your instruction manual to help you build this muscle. And obviously, in listening to this podcast, you get more integration tools day after day after day. There's over 300 plus episodes to help you and guide you in integrating this into your life. But it's just like any muscle you're building, if you're not consistent and if you aren't committed to it, it's going to feel clunky. Why I'm able to use this emotional intelligence tool so effectively is because I've been using it every day for almost 11 years, right? So it takes time. And if you want a guide, spend 90 minutes with me. I swear to God, it will accelerate the rate in which you can integrate this and the effectiveness of the integration. All of that information is in the show notes. It is at my website@tracycmalley.com you can go to the work with me section. You can get your blueprint there. Seriously, it is a guidebook that will help you build this muscle strong. And once you build this muscle strong, there is nothing that can fucking derail you. Not haters, not best friends that betray you. Not a partner that you thought would never leave. Not a career that you thought you'd be in forever. Nothing. Nothing. It doesn't mean it's not going to hurt, because it does. Still hurts. Because we're humans, right? But what we choose to do with that hurt and what we can turn that hurt into is magical. And it starts honestly, with emotional intelligence. And the Enneagram is, hands down the greatest emotional intelligence tool that you could be using. So go get your information now and then we can start integrating it together. Whether that's just through the podcast here on social media, on Instagram @tracyomalley, or one on one with me for a little bit. Or a long, long time too. We do that too. I'm so grateful for the Enneagram. Seriously. To keep me rooted in my faith, to keep me rooted in the design on my life. I much prefer to live, love and lead by design rather than by default. Default got me in a lot of trouble. Default kept me energetically bankrupting myself. Default kept me making a mess out of the miracles in my life. And I'm not available for that anymore. And I know that you're not too. So let's get this started. Let's just get going and do what you are always designed, called, and deserve to do here in this lifetime. I'm super grateful for you. If you love this episode or you know somebody in your life needs to hear it, please share it. And if you get something out of this podcast, over 300 plus episodes, you know, please leave a review if you feel called to. It'd mean the world to me. It's how we will get more haters. And I appreciate that too because it, it really makes me want to do this more because I know we're doing beautiful work here with the Enneagram. We can love, we can lead, and we can live by design. I love you. I appreciate you. Wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. See you next time.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead.

You into the next level of your life, Sam.