EP314: The THREE Things You Need in Order to Use the Enneagram to Maximize Your Growth

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate.

Way, and then help you lead others.

That way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

I don't know about you, but if you're like me, when you make your mind up that you're ready to make changes, you want to grow, you've had it. You know, the shit in your life is like, okay, game over. It's time to make some changes. And this can be any area in your life. You know, your health, finances, business, relationships, friendships, parenting, all of it. And what I'm going to share with you today are the three things that you need in order to use the Enneagram to maximize your growth. And I'm assuming if you are here listening to me, you are are either curious about the Enneagram. You love the Enneagram, you have the right information, but you want to continue to know what to do with it. I am your integration Enneagram specialist. And these three things, you must have to use the Enneagram most effectively. Most of you are okay with two of them. Most of you don't like one of them. And congratulations, you're a human being. This is the hard part about growth. And I've been in the personal development space as a business for over 10 years. I've been in IT in my own journey for 23 years. And so I want you to know that no matter how long I have been actively raising my hand and saying I am here for it, it's still really hard. And why I love the Enneagram so much is even when we do the human things and we think our best thinking may have better ways of doing things, the Enneagram always leads me back to where I can maximize my growth, where I can stay rooted in my own faith and be more effective in my life. Because being effective is the most important thing in this lifetime, in all areas of your life. So if you're listening right now and you haven't been typed properly, 65 to 70% of you are mistyped. And any of the online assessments that you are taking, even the paid ones, will give you those same results. And I've done thousands and thousands and thousands of assessments and interviews and all those other assessments. That's true. So you can still, like, journey in that on your own? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Okay. It's just going to take you a little bit longer. And if you're like me, and when you've made your mind up and you want to know the thing and you want to know the right way, then I will encourage you strongly to go to my website, Tracey O' Malley.com and get your own customized, beautiful Enneagram blueprint. And you will be properly typed on the Enneagram, which is really, really cool. So the number one thing, the first thing that we have to do in order to make changes in our life is awareness. And most of you are here. Most of you are here. It's like, great, I'm self aware. And if you haven't listened to my episode a few weeks ago, maybe even a week ago, it was titled something about, you may not be as self aware as you think you are. Yes, it was episode 308. You're not as aware as you think you are. And just because you know your Enneagram type and you're typed properly does not mean that you are aware and that you are self aware. You have the right information. Right. And the first journey into the Enneagram is understanding your core Enneagram type and what that looks like at their best. And maybe not at the best. Also, where you might go under stress, what your core motive for everything is, and what your Core fear for everything is this part alone will bring a lot of ahas to your life. Usually people don't make changes in their life unless there's a consequence that is really eating at you. You know, and this can be extreme. It can be minor. You know, it's been as extreme as me going to rehab at some point. It has been as minor as, you know, me tweaking my bedtime. You know, certain things can help you become more self aware. And the framework of the Enneagram really allows me, especially when I'm triggered. And this is for those of you that experience a lot of triggers in your life. I used to be annoyed by them. And now, because I understand and use and utilize the framework of the Enneagram, I actually welcome triggers. Because triggers are the number one opportunity for growth a hundred percent. When we have something that triggers us, whether it's our nervous system, our emotions, our moods, whatever that looks like for you, it is a beautiful opportunity to grow and learn and become more aware of you, yourself, why you are the way you are, with compassion. So number one is self awareness. And this is why the Enneagram is powerful. Because it can. Let's just be real. If you have as many years under your belt as me, or at least two decades, this can get a little confusing. You would think you're in your own body, in your own mind, in your own soul. Every day you think that you would have this understood by now. And it's just more complicated than that. And this is why using the Enneagram can really narrow shit down fast. For an example, whenever I feel triggered or like I need to control a situation, right? It doesn't have to be like, oh my God, my nervous system is going haywire. But when I feel like I need to control a situation, I know because I'm motivated, like an enneagram8, that it's because I want to either flex and prove that I'm strong to myself or to the world, or. Or I'm about to be put in a vulnerable situation, which is the biggest fear of an enneagram 8. And I can calm myself down and not blow up my life, blow up my relationships, emasculate the people in my life, or push people away, right? I know this. Anytime I feel that need to control or I'm triggered or I'm about to be angry or whatever, that's usually what's going on. So you. When you understand and have your correct Enneagram type, you can really narrow it down that fast. And when you have the Roots. When you know the root of the. The situation for you, it's a lot easier to diffuse that and to, you know, I know there's a lot of talk, and it's huge. It's really, really important. It's really, really important in regulating and understanding your nervous system and. And all of that. The Enneagram can really allow you to do that. Okay, now, number two, this is the part most of you try to avoid, or you bypass it, or you rush it, or you think, because you're aware, that this kind of allows you to not acknowledge this. And that's acknowledgement. Acknowledgement. Understanding your Enneagram type and being aware of where you go and the framework and all of that is only part of it. Now the excavating process begins. And just because you've done this once, I promise you, if you continue to raise your hand and say, I want be the best version of myself. I want to uplevel my life. I want to make impact. I want to be an incredible parent. I want to be a beautiful partner. I want to be a really great friend. I want to be a great human. This is required. With great reward comes great responsibility. And I have never met anyone that is continuing to grow themselves that isn't committed to the acknowledgement process. It's the really hard part. But I promise you, you commit to acknowledging the roots of these things. For you, it makes number three a hell of a lot easier. Okay, so acknowledgement, what does that mean? And for some of you that like to rush through things, and for each Enneagram type, there's a way that you want to bypass this for sure. For sure. There. Each. Each one of us has our secret weapon to bypass. And this acknowledgement part is. This is where the. The beauty of spirituality and psychology, as well as nature and nurture come into play when it comes to the Enneagram. And this is why the Enneagram is so different than a lot of the other things, like human design. Myers, Briggs disc. This is where this puts on its superhero cape and really allows you to use the power of it if you're committed. So acknowledging, right? So you know the motive and you know the fear of your core Enneagram type. You know where you go under stress. You know where you go when you're growing, you know maybe even how to use your wings. Those are all beautiful awareness parts of that. Remember those triggers I was telling you about? Well, this is where you have to acknowledge maybe what's come up for you. And I will preface this by saying if you Are somebody like me. I mean, for 40 years, I had very little recollection of my childhood. This might be frustrating and this might be hard. And you have to be unconditionally committed to this and consistent with the process, right? So as you're triggered and you know, like, okay, like I mentioned earlier in the example for my type, it's being betrayed or violated or put in a vulnerable situation is the fear, the measuring stick is strong or weak right now when things come up for you, especially when people are involved or money is involved or growing or being seen is involved, you have to start to go into the memory bank a little bit. Not to play a victim and not to be stuck in it. I used to be one of those people, and you might too. That was like, I don't want to look at the past. I'm not going that way. I can't change what's happened. Absolutely freaking true. This is not permission to go into the pit of victimization or to stay stuck here. No, no, no. This is getting intel and connecting dots. We have to know where. How we got where we are by looking back and retracing some steps. That's all this is for. This is not to play in the pit. No, no, no, no, no. But we have to understand the steps that it took for us to get here and sometime good. And sometimes it's painful to look back, and sometimes it's really fucking humbling, right? Because if we are being true stewards of our own growth, then we are going to have to acknowledge that we've maybe made some choices, you know, that were rooted in fears a lot of times subconsciously, that we have a huge part in all of this. I'm not saying if you were victimized by certain things, that you brought that on yourself. I'm absolutely not saying that. And I'm not saying everything happens for a reason. Because there's some really horrible heinous shit that has happened. And you are absolutely innocent in that. Not saying that at all either. However, I will say this. You have a responsibility and you absolutely have control over how you let that show up in your life today, right? It doesn't mean we stuff it down. I've done that. Does not work. It will blow up in your life, right? But maybe where you have held back based on things that have happened, or where you have isolated based on certain things that have happened, or maybe you flex to prove things to the world and to protect yourself, things like that, this is an ongoing process. Number two, this acknowledgement part isn't done. Until you're dead. I'm just going to tell you that right now. And if you really want to make the impact that I know you do in your homes and in your businesses and out in the world and in your relationships and in your own health, this is required. You will have to constantly. When you feel a trigger or your nervous system gets triggered or you know your body is telling you something, this is a beautiful time to acknowledge where you've been and how we got here. Super important. This is really hard to do if you haven't done it before without a guide. I will say that because you'll resist it. You will resist every single part of it. You will justify why you don't need to do it. You will judge yourself, you will judge other people, and you will stay stuck. Okay, so the guidance process, this is where I'm a master. And I'm gonna say that because I do it in my own life every single day. I help people every single day in this process because this is the hard part. And I do it with compassion and kindness and empathy and love and grace and tough love in the most gentle way. Because I know what you're here to do. I do. I see it. I see it. And I know this is the part that is holding you back. This is the part. This is the part that we all try to not do because it's painful and it might have some regret or shame. And, you know, part of the acknowledgment process that I help you with is to eliminate the shame because it serves zero good. It'll just keep you more stuck. So if you need a guide, even if it's just for a 90 minute session, you can go do that at tracee o'malley.com if you know you got a lot of this stuff, then the private VIP coaching is probably the option for you. Because then you have me on speed dial every day. Really important as you're excavating. All right, now, number three is action. Most of us, we feel the pain, so we have the awareness, right? We might even know our enneagram type. Boom. We see the framework. You've listened to the podcast. You're on episode like 300 and something, probably 320 or something by now. And you're like, yep, yep, yep. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Let's bypass that acknowledgment part. We don't need to go there and let's just take action. That was me for most of my life, and that might be you too. And you might even have the receipts to show that that has worked out pretty darn well for you, right? This is how we justify our own bullshit. And absolutely, absolutely, it has moved the needle, right? Awareness with no action absolutely won't move the needle. It just kind of keeps you consuming, consuming, consuming, and maybe buried under tons of information. And information doesn't equal transformation. Integration of it does. So you might be thinking, great, I just have to be aware. Then I just have to take different action. And there is an element of truth to that that will only give you temporary results. It won't be sustainable unless you do the acknowledgment part. So the three of these work beautifully in tandem together. And obviously, this is a muscle you need to build. The reason I can do it so effortlessly most days. And like it's conditioned for me, I can do this and know exactly what's going on. And I'm still human, right? And so are you. But because I have built this muscle so strong, so strong for over 10 years now, I can move through this process and transform and get to acceptance and growth at a rapid, rapid pace. Now, here's the little asterisk for you. When you grow at a rapid, rapid pace, you will have hard decisions to make because you will outgrow a lot of people in your life, and that will create conflict and pain. And you'll have to make the choice, do you continue to grow and do what you're called to do here in this lifetime, or do you dumb it down to make everybody else feel comfortable? So, just a little side note in this process, but I know, I know with all my being, if you remotely are intrigued or find value in what I bring to this world, then I know that you're ready for that kind of thing. But navigating that is a whole different ballgame. And so I can help you with that too. But just understanding the three things that you need to do in order to use the Enneagram or any growth tool or anything most effectively are, number one, awareness. You have to know what your core motive is. You have to know the biggest fear in your soul. You have to know what it looks like when you go under stress, extreme stress, when you're triggered. You have to understand that if you're trying to hit a target, you have to know which target you're aiming for. That is your growth and your. Your path of your core enneagram type. Even understanding what tools you have in your tool belt in the form of your wings on the Enneagram, that is part of Awareness number two, back to the part that we all avoid, the acknowledgment part. This is the excavating process. This is going into the history bank. And if you have struggled like I have in gaining those memories, be very gentle with yourself. One of the things I encourage you to do. Most of the people I work with, I. I'm sitting here at my desk and looking at this beautiful, beautif, beautiful picture of me as a four year old and really with love, trying to connect with her and what she's experienced because she's, she's the one who started it, right? She's the one who took the first hits, the first wounds, you know. So find a picture of you five, maybe six and under and keep it close. For those of you that are really wanting to go on this journey and you have a hard time being consistent in it, which most of you are. Make that the lock screen on your phone. Make that picture the lock screen on your phone. It might feel weird at first, but your phone is always with you. You're not always sitting at a desk chair and at your desk chair is not where you're always triggered right. But you're out in the world, you're experiencing life and what's always with you? Your phone, this beautiful picture of little four year old Little T was my lock screen on my phone for over four years. Seriously. And she's so beautiful. And the more that I honor her and bring her to the conversation, into the table, the more willing she is and the more safe she feels to reveal some of these memories that you need in order to grow. You can't get through this the way that you want to without acknowledging her or him. So it's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful journey once you surrender to it and know that, yeah, some stuff's going to come up that's going to be hurtful or you might cringe a little bit at. But when you honor the king or queen inside of you, which is that beautiful little, that beautiful little, the one who took the first hits in, in your life, it's a beautiful, beautiful relationship and eventually you become one together. A conversation for another day. Are the. The three versions of you. But that's part of the acknowledgment process. I might do an episode on, on the three Kings and the three queens. You. I think I will. All right. And number three, finally is taking compassionate, effective action. Compassionate is important. A lot of times we'll take action that are rooted in shame. We will take action based on revenge. Hello Enneagram Eights. We will take action because we want the pain to stop. That's not compassionate, effective action. That is reaction. Right? That's a reaction. That's not compassionate, effective action. But when you put the three of these things together, awareness, acknowledgment and action, that is how you equal transformation, acceptance and growth. I promise you, I've tried to work around all these things. It does not work. If there was some way out of that acknowledgment part, I would have found it. Trust me. In my 50, almost 51 years of life, this is why I'm a great guide, is because I have walked a lot of journeys that you are or are going to. I pretty much experienced everything you can experience as a human in this lifetime. A lot of trauma, a lot of pain, a lot of joy, a lot of success, a lot of failures. And if you need a guide like that in your life, know that I will always do this work. I will. It's a way that I honor that four year old version of me. And also I do want to pay it forward. I would have died for somebody that did this in their life for me back 23 years ago when I raised my hand and said I'm willing to grow. And it got messy there for a while because I was kind of going rogue and figuring it out on my own. Great news. You don't have to. You don't have to. You can continue to lean in here and listen to the wisdom that I can bring to your life. Absolutely. I know that I can. You don't have to make same mistakes that I, I have and you don't have to suffer. Shit's going to happen, but the suffering is optional for sure. So where you can find all this information on awareness, acknowledgement, action is in the work with me section at my website@tracyomalley.com if you do nothing else, get properly enneagram typed and get your own customized blueprint that I've worked really, really hard to bring to you. It's so valuable. You can find that on my website. You can find that information if you are on Instagram at traceyomalley. If you have questions, you know where to find. You can shoot me a dm, a voice message, whatever. Because I am committed to bringing so much grace into your life for where you've been and help you use that for something magical. My goal is to continue to help you transform your life so that you can live by design and not just operating in default all the time. I know you have a big calling on your life and there's no way around stepping into that without this work. I promise you. And I'm here for you. So I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. I'm so grateful for you and we'll talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review view. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me.

On Instagram @tracy o'. Malley.

You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.