EP318: A Message of Love for You. The 5 Words Each Enneagram Type Needs to Hear

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding.

Of how to help you implement this.

Into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Happy Valentine's Day.

And I know some of you might have just rolled your eyes and went to go click off. Some of you might be of the festive kind of. I kind of go between back and forth, in between the feelings about this nationally ridiculously celebrated holiday. And so today I wanted to record an episode for you, if you are one of those that maybe is feeling a little blue. Maybe you do love Valentine's Day, but you give yourself the story that you hate it or you don't care about it because maybe you're in a position in your life right now where it's hard. It's hard. You don't have the kind of love, and I don't just mean romantic love, but you know, support companionship that you desire and that you deserve. And so today I wanted to send a audio love letter to you. And you know, I've been in both places several times in my life and every day is Valentine's Day to me. Honestly, even as an enneagram. 8. Love is so important. All kinds of love. Like I said with my children, my partner in life at this point, my friends, the people that I care about, love is everything. And knowing that you are safe to be seen, heard, understood, and valued for exactly who you are to me is the meaning of love, even when we aren't at our best. And so today, I wanted to give you each, based on your Enneagram type, the five words, not just words, but seriously from my heart, that I know maybe you need to hear today. And maybe it's not from somebody in your life that you want to hear it from. Maybe it's not from that romantic love partner that you have been searching for or just in general, maybe you just haven't heard anything like this in a long, long time. And I know that your heart needs to hear it. So I love you. And I know that if you take your precious time to listen to my podcast, know how much I appreciate and love you for that, it's very vulnerable to put your work and your mission and your purpose out into the world. And even though it may sound easy to some of you, honestly, it's very hard for me to hit the record button every single time I do it. And so the fact that you listen means the world to me. And I love you for that. You know, me stepping into who I am, and this is maybe where you're at, me stepping into my most authentic self, you would think it gets easier. And in some ways, yes, it does. But in most ways, it's actually way harder and a lot more disruptive. Because once you know, you can't unknow, once you see, you can't unsee. And once you have that burning inside of you to be your most authentic self, the commitment to go the distance in that is unwavering sometimes. And I know if you have a dream, a wish on your heart, whether it's in relation or business or as a parent, whatever, you're going to have to come across some hard decisions. And why. I love the Enneagram so much. It has allowed me to see very clearly. I always knew who I was at my soul level. But, you know, all this outside influence and experiences and family stuff has dictated how that got expressed. And I so appreciate the Enneagram. Giving me framework, right? Giving me framework and. And words and an understanding of what that looks like for me in a language that not only I understand myself fully, but allows me to understand other people and now teach it to people just like you. I had a Feeling maybe today you're feeling like you need a little extra love. So I'm going to give you the five words that you need to hear based on your Enneagram type. And because you're all motivated differently, you have a desire to hear certain things from the people that care about you. And this is something that I have shared with my children, my love, my friends. And when you can convey this is what you need to hear when you're not triggered, when you're not angry and resentful, this can help other people understand you more. And the more that you get to understand the Enneagram, you can convey what motive, what the motive is behind that, and maybe even the fear that you have. That's the beauty of this. This beautiful gift. It really narrows it down. It isn't complicated, but it does get complex. And the fact that you're on this journey here, learning from me, means the world to me, you know? So what if you knew five words, that would be exactly the thing that somebody that you love needed to hear? I think you would probably go out of your way to make sure they knew that. Even if I was on a call this morning with a client who's an eight like me, and she. Her husband is clearly not, and she could not understand why he. His default is one thing, and I'm like, I get it. Like, that default frustrates me too, too. But that is his reality, and that is his perspective, and it's not wrong. So how are you going to best work and be more effective as a partner, as a supporter, as a lover, as a friend to the people in your life? And these words might help you understand the people you love a little bit better, too. So I'm going to share the five words each Enneagram number needs to hear most. And for my Enneagram ones, the reformer, the strict perfectionist, the warden, I like to call them Ones care a lot about doing things right and doing them well, and they want to make a difference in the world. If you're a one, you also have very strong morals and are highly ethical. So what does the enneagram1 want to hear most? That I see goodness in you. Honestly, their measuring stick is good or bad, right or wrong. That is their no gray area kind of measuring stick. So knowing this, they need reassurance. They really desire the reassurance that they are good, no matter if they're perfect or not. For my Enneagram twos, the relationship builders, the connectors of the Enneagram, the helpers, the considerate Helpers. Twos are friendly and helpful, but what they are really, really searching for is that friendship and love in return, right? You know, they have to be careful that they don't give in order to get even if it's subconsciously. And so know that they are always being considerate and kind. They are deeply sensitive and dependent on others for their self worth. The whole goal for a two is to know that they are loved and appreciated just because they are not because of what they do for somebody else. And so the five words that the enneagram2 needs to hear more than anything is, you are loved no matter what. Okay? For my enneagram threes, the achievers, the competitive achievers, we all know and love you. Threes like we all want to be like you. Threes strive to succeed and achieve above all else. They're always performing and using their charm to get ahead. Their measuring stick is being the best. And so if they're not the best, they're the worst. So really reminding them that they don't have to earn our love by achieving or being anything that they're not or how they appear in this world, this power number, the Enneagram 3 feels that they must earn love by doing. And so the five words that the enneagram3 needs to hear is that you are worthy just because there's no contingency, there's no asterisk, or you are worthy just because. For my enneagram fours, the individualists, the romantic, the creative artist, fours are deeply emotional and expressive. They feel everything and they often feel misunderstood and out of place before they open their mouth sometimes, especially the more reserved self preservation types, they're wondering if they're too much for you. They want to know. Fours don't shy away from big feelings, not even a little bit. But they can get in their head. Their, their biggest fear is abandonment. And so sometimes they, they need to know this very, very clearly. For my enneagram fours, the five words they need to hear, if you love a four, I am not going anywhere. Really, really important. The four in my life, even though they might not outwardly express that that's their fear, knowing that it is really helps me keep my stuff in check. Knowing that I don't want to nick that fear unnecessarily, right? For my enneagram fives, the investigators or the quiet specialists, fives are extremely capable and responsible and they like figuring things out on their own and in their own space. And it's very easy for a five to forget that other people in their Lives can help them because they, you know, their measuring stick is being equipped and capable, right? And responsible and knowledgeable. And if they aren't, they kind of go into that investigator mode to figure it out. So what a 5 needs to be reminded of and what they need to hear is that your needs are important too and you can lean in to the people around you. They actually have people in their lives that can help. But it's really hard for Five to say that so and admit that they have needs. Sometimes they kind of go into the headspace. For the Enneagram Sixes, the Loyalist or the loyal skeptic. Sixes are often anxious and always scanning for possible catastrophes and worst case scenarios is what make them great troubleshooters and strategists. But they can feel really unsettled when they don't know what to expect or when there isn't consistency in their lives. And this can kind of feel like a tornado in their head and sometimes outwardly. So one of the things that you can say or the five words that an enneagram6 needs to hear is everything will be okay, I promise. They need reassurance of that and equally need evidence of that. For my Enneagram type Sevens, the enthusiastic visionary, the enthusiast Sevens don't like being put in the box. That is the worst case scenario. If you corner them or if they feel like they're going to be trapped, you're going to see a side of them that probably is a little unusual for their nature. They love new opportunities. Sevens love trying things they've never done before and adventure that they get to plan and live out. So the enthusiastic visionary type Seven longs for freedom. So what five words do Sevens need to hear most? Let's explore it all together. They love the excitement of that in their lives. And you know, they all Sevens, by the way, aren't extroverts. Just so you know, it's based on the motive, like not being put in a box or trapped, you know, so you can have an introverted 7 too, just so you know. All right. For my fellow Enneagram Eights, the Challengers or the Active Controller Eights are super strong, confident and a little rough around the edges. They highly, highly value honesty, straight shooting, directness in communication. And so the Eights has a wall built up around their most vulnerable parts. And I like to say, I mean, not only is there a wall, there's a moat in front of the wall and only allows cherished few inside. So if an 8 lets you into their softer sensitive parts with Great reward comes, a great responsibility. And the five things that every eight needs to hear, and they take this very, very seriously, is that they I will not betray you. It is the biggest fear of the enneagram 8. So if, if an 8 lets you into the, the soft parts, know that that is rare. And this is kind of their, their biggest fear. So reassuring them of that will be really important. And last but not least are my Enneagram type nines, the adaptive peacemakers. Nines get lost in a crowd easily because they are happy to go along with anyone. They're amazing like this. They're easygoing and non judgmental. They merge with whomever they are with and often don't stand up for themselves. Not because they're weak, but because they're seeking harmony all the time. Their self esteem suffers when they can't articulate in words their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. So the five words that an enneagram type 9 needs to hear the most is your presence matters to me. And I will also preface that by saying your opinions and your thoughts and your voice matters to me too. And knowing these simple phrases not just for your type, and knowing this, this is a really important thing because you know, especially if you're in any kind of relationship with another type, whether it's your children, your friends, your partners, your associates, whatever that looks like, knowing that these are the five words you need to hear the most, you have to use your voice. People cannot read your mind. Don't expect them to understand when you're dropping hints like that's game playing. And I know it's really vulnerable. You might not think it's a game because it's just really vulnerable, but it is. Like people want to know how they can best be there for you. And if you take these five words for your Enneagram type and then start building up language around that with the people that you love the most, and especially not when you're triggered or angry. This will be really, really important moving forward and it'll build a deeper connection. Less frustration, less resentment. And importantly, for those that you love, knowing their Enneagram type and knowing these five words that they need to hear is super important so that you can be the best version of yourself. Also for them. And if you don't know your type or you're not sure you've taken one of those online assessments, those are inaccurate, just so you know 65 to 70% of the time, even the paid ones out there. And so I have an assessment that's available to you and in doing so, those are 95 minus 95% accurate, honestly. And with that, when you take my assessment, you also get your very own customized 75/ page blueprint. And what that is is your soul guide, right? And all the framework that's connected to your Enneagram type, your support roles in the wings, your growth number, your stress numbers, what this looks like when you're under, under extreme stress, what this looks like when you're thriving and, and the target you're aiming for, also where you go instinctually. This is the subtype in the Enneagram. So within each Enneagram type, so let's say you're a nine, there's three different kinds of nines. And what kind you are really can change the expression of your nine. It's why most of you are mistyped, by the way. So in my assessment and with my blueprint, you get all of this information and an actual how to use this guide in your life. And once you have your correct Enneagram type with your blueprint, I highly recommend coming back here to the podcast and looking and listening through different lenses once you know for sure. Because once you have the right information, this tool, honestly is the most powerful growth tool you'll ever use in your life. And honestly, it keeps me rooted in my faith and in my intuition and this helps me regulate my nervous system and, and especially when I get triggered all the things. The Enneagram is one of the most powerful growth tools of all time. You just got to have the right information. And I'm really excited to be able to bring you an assessment that has 95% accuracy. And I've done thousands and thousands and thousands of these over the years. And why I waited to bring a blueprint to you is because the information out there wasn't accurate. And I'm happy to report I have that now. So I want to be able to impact more of you and allow you to accelerate the transformation and growth in your life and in your relationships. So you can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to get your blueprint today. I also do individual power sessions. If you do a power session, you will get your blueprint partner sessions with you. And a partner doesn't have to be a romantic partner, it can be a business partner, a bestie, doesn't matter. Those are also available in limited quantities, but those include the blueprints as well. But having this level of self awareness over the years, you know, I've been an Enneagram student integrator and Teacher now for over a decade and the first seven, eight years of my Enneagram journey and my sober journey, quite honestly, I was single and felt alone a lot of the time. I think the more self aware we become, like I said at the beginning of this episode, it doesn't necessarily mean it's easier because energetically, you understand maybe there are certain parts of the story that needs to be over. Certain people in your life that you know were maybe only here for a reason or a season. They're not the lifetime people. You know, when you're stepping into this self awareness person, highly intelligent emotionally and a strong critical thinker, you know, it does get a little quiet and lonely. And it was through the journey, and has been through the journey of my. My quest with the Enneagram, that even on the most lonely feeling days, I was staying true to who I was and wasn't seeking validation, significance, independence, autonomy, certainty outside of me and my intuition and the divine. And this is something that if you are in a season in your life where you're feeling that loneliness or you know, you're. You're wondering if there's anyone out there for you, or maybe you don't want anything to do with that, which I didn't for a long, long time either. Because I needed to know myself. Like I needed to know who I was before I started, you know, sprinkling who I was all over the world. Because if you're kind of putting out this manufactured version of you and you come by it innocently, if you've experienced a lot of shit in your. Then you're going to end up in relationships that will run their course, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. And you want to avoid that as much as possible, right? You know, I believe everyone comes into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. But I know that if you're like me, you're seeking your lifetime people. And the Enneagram can absolutely help you do that. I wanted to send you each a little note knowing how important you are, how valuable you are. I see you, I understand who you are. I see into your soul. And you bring so much to the table. And you don't have to change who you are, not for a second. That's the freedom that the Enneagram gives you, is you know exactly who you are with some words and some framework around it. It makes this a little bit easier along the way. I'm so grateful for you. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. Send this episode to somebody who maybe needs a little love note and message of love to their heart today. If you know somebody that's hurting today or even somebody that's happy today, but maybe this message, please share it with the world. That's how this message and this podcast Lead with the Enneagram gets out to more people. It is gaining steam quickly and that's all because of you. I love you, I'm grateful for you and I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. I'll see you in a few days.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.