EP319: The Fastest Way to Get Yourself Out of a RUT by Your Enneagram Type

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show.

Where you will actually learn how to.

Use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership. Sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding.

Of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective, and compassionate.

Way, and then help you lead others.

That way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career, and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey, welcome to the show. Here we are, halfway through February, and I know because I have a lot of wisdom in this area. You know, you usually end up teaching the very things that you have struggled with most of your life. And getting out of a rut, a rut is nothing I'm a stranger to, let's just put it that way. And I think we're humans and we all get into a rut, and it's always this time of year. You know, we start off the year, like I'm gonna do all these things and I'm gonna have a morning routine and I'm gonna eat better and I'm gonna get up earlier and I'm gonna pay more attention to my relationships and, you know, keep filling in the blanks, right? And we put all this pressure on ourself. And the reality is, is sometimes we take on more than we can chew at one time. And then we go into the. The shame, the fear, the anxiety, the anger. Whatever that looks like for you, maybe a little bit of all of it. And the next thing you know, you are in a slump. And I'm going to tell you something, I don't like being in a slump. And for each of you, it looks a little bit different. And so today I thought, since this is usually when it hits, you know, we've gotten through the holidays, We've gotten through the first month. We've gotten through the first holiday of the new year with Valentine's Day, and that might even be triggering. We got through the super bowl, right? And here we are. Spring fever's coming, and we haven't gotten done or we haven't made the moves where we haven't had the progress that we wanted to. And so I wanted to give you a little love today and how to get yourself out of a rut. If this is where you have found yourself. And I want you to know if this is a common thing for you, know that you're human, and congratulations, and this is you living a human experience. And usually why we find ourselves in a rut is if we make decisions and make goals from a pain point, right? And I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. Usually the only time that we change the things in our life that make us uncomfortable is because the consequence is too big than staying the same, right? But usually we'll do that when, you know, even if on the outside it doesn't look like it's a crisis, internally, you know, there's a crisis. And so we start saying all the things we want to do or, you know, and all the things, and none of that. If we. If we go all in, all the time, all fast like that, that's not sustainable, right? It's not sustainable. As much as we want to do all of it all at once because we're sick and tired of whatever the behavior or where we're at is, if we do it all at the same time because we're human. And I know even you enneagram threes out there who seem to be able to do all of it all the time. And I know if you're a three, you're listening. And you know, like, what's on the other side of that is burnout in your bodies and your relationships, in your spirit, in all of it. And this isn't just for my enneagram3. This is all of it. But the enneagram threes tend to make this look really easy. But I want to help you get out of a rut. If this is where you find yourself, and especially based on Enneagram types, because how you get out of a rut, how it works for one person absolutely will not work for the other. And that's because we're motivated so differently and we fear very differently. You know, I am an 8, and if you've been listening, you know this. And how I get out of a rut is motivated very differently than my children. And there are two and a seven. And when I see them in a rut, the advice I used to give is what would work for me or what would move me out of it. Right? Doesn't work for them. And then they felt less seen, less understood, less valued for who they are. And if they tried my theory, could they move the needle? Yes. But would it stick? No. And so I thought it'd be interesting and beautiful and helpful to go through each Enneagram type and kind of let you know what's happening when you're in a rut and how to get out of it. So my Enneagram ones, you know, the reformers, the perfectionist, you like to take on responsibility and kind of obsess about what you should or shouldn't be doing. Should and shouldn't are like big green and red lights blaring in your mind, right? You are fearful of not being good. You are fearful of not being right. And when you're in a rut, it's because you feel like you're falling short somewhere and you're motivated. You know, your biggest fear is not being good and right. And you're also motivated by being good and right and being autonomous and independent. And so when you are shooting yourself to death, you're not seeing the beautiful gray area. You work hard, you criticize yourself, you set your expectations to an impossible standards. And when you inevitably fail to reach perfection because it's impossible, that critical voice inside, like, annihilates you and anyone else, honestly, who might have failed to live up to their end of the deal. So how do you get out of it? As easy as this sounds, I know that it isn't for my Enneagram ones. You be gentle with yourself. I need you to start looking for evidence in your bank, in your mind, in your soul, where maybe you moved forward without the perfectionism and it worked out for you, right? Your standards, your determination to always be good can trap you in that cycle of workaholism and perfectionism and exhaustion if you're not careful. So remember that that critical voice inside you isn't a divine or God or It isn't your intuition. It isn't even the truth. So practicing some self compassion, kindness, patience, doing something spontaneous. Right? And I know all my enneagram ones. Like what? No. Yes. This is how you will get yourself out of a rut. Plan something to do that is simply for just your own enjoyment. It might feel difficult. I know. Remember, this is your way to get out of the rut. My Enneagram twos, you know you're motivated by being loved and appreciated. Is also your biggest fear is not being loved and appreciated. And when you find yourself in a rut, it's because you're tired of draining your energy in an attempt to meet somebody else's needs. You tend to overdo it for others because you're afraid of appearing selfish and therefore unlovable. You have a ton of things that you wish you could do, but you always kind of move it to the back of the list and do what's good for everyone else. And when you do manage to take time for yourself, you often beat yourself up for being selfish. You know, loving and raising an Enneagram too. Whenever he does something for himself, he usually back. You know, he'll usually give some commentary like, but I can do this. I'm like, hey, hey, hey. You just go do what you want to do. Go. Tact and consideration are all good things in moderation. But sometimes you get tired to leaning on, you know, all this stuff at the expense of all your own feelings and desires. So remember for my Enneagram twos that sometimes the most loving thing you can do, not just for yourself, but also for other people, is saying no. Honestly, sometimes people need to solve their own problems. Sometimes helping isn't as helpful as it would seem. Quite often it is actually enabling. Take time to get quiet. Observe your authentic feelings. Even if they feel like kind of messy or even sad. I know, I know, I know it doesn't sound fun. But to get out of your rut, it is crucial. It is crucial to your development and well being. Practice saying no and setting healthy boundaries. Schedule non negotiable time for yourself. Find a hobby, an activity that doesn't revolve around other people. Are you planning things for other people? And explore your inner world? Your growth numbers. The Enneagram for right, that individualist. So a lot of times what I'll tell an enneagram too, especially if you found yourself in this rut, is start before you. Yes, yourself to death. Start asking yourself, if nobody loved, appreciated, acknowledged, thanked or reciprocated this, would you still say Yes, I know, I know. Y' all just gasped. My Enneagram threes, the achievers. You are the go getter who runs towards success and away from any sign of mediocrity. You're always working, always trying, always focusing on your goals. And although we admire you and there's absolutely nothing, nothing wrong with having goals because you're motivated by being the best and your biggest fear is not being worthy or the best, you can see where this can get you into trouble. It is not sustainable. And just because something isn't measured doesn't mean it isn't worth it for you. So often in enneagram3, the competitive achiever will only do things that are measurable and you miss the miracles along the way. And you don't leave room in your calendar and in your schedule for these beautiful blessings and these non measurable things or the things that don't show up in a bottom line or the goal line or in a spreadsheet. How you get out of a rut is focusing on the soul line, you know, but your fear of not being the best you know, has that. It's churning inside of you like you have to achieve and you can't let any struggle stop you from pushing yourself, trying and going after your dreams. But sometimes those dreams feel more like nightmares when you're burnt out, overworked and grasping for a level of success that keeps slipping away or, you know, the very thing that you love the most in the relationships in your life and your body and your health all are taking a backseat. And you know, for an enneagram3, this is usually when you find yourself in a rut. So something to remember is the stress of overworking can lead you to long term stress, chronic pain, and physical and emotional and relational problems. So scheduling non negotiable time for yourself each day to rest, meditate, do something you enjoy, and especially something that isn't measured or showing up on social media. I want you to do something for you, getting in touch with your feelings, especially especially the vulnerable ones, and try to clarify what actually matters to you on a personal level. You got a four wing, so use it. Do you really need that next gold medal promotion car? Or is your reason for going after that related to a deeper unmet need that maybe you need to work on instead of just chasing the goal line? For my Enneagram fours, I know for probably more than any other Enneagram type, the fours probably seem like they're in the rut more than anyone. The individualist, the romantic, the creative, the Intense, creative. You frequently feel misunderstood and unseen in your environment. And there's this raw part of you that you really wish someone could just see and appreciate for the first time. You often struggle to feel visible and valuable, sometimes more to yourself than even others. I know as an enneagram 4 you are. You have the biggest imagination and the biggest dreamer in you, and you have these and you want to bring them to life. But your dark moods and sometimes the melancholy feelings can keep you from going after them. And I know for fours that when you are in a rut, it can feel like you are underneath so many pounds of rubble that getting out of it, you don't even know how to get out. And over time, you might even feel like you don't even deserve to have what you want. And longing is your constant companion. Shame is an all too frequent visitor. So getting a four out of a rut, I hear you, I see you, and I know how challenging it can be. But something to remember is that your feelings can feel overwhelming and all consuming and usually stopping you from achieving the dreams that you set for yourself. And so when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, take a moment to step back and look at yourself from a distance. I want you to visualize yourself kind of turning the dial down on the emotional intensity. This is your superpower, right? This emotional intensity is your superpower and that's not going to change. But it is only your superpower when it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. This emotional intensity, it's why I want you to kind of turn it down a little bit. Can be your kryptonite and take you out and keep you in this rut. If it's coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt or and or ego, allow yourself to feel the hurt, but keep in mind that it will pass. And you can also write out your feelings, talk to somebody. Practicing mindfulness. Moving your body is really, really important for four Getting enough sleep, eating well, nurturing your relationships, and nurturing creative side. And I know when you're in a rut, it feels like nothing creative can come out of you. Practicing self discipline. That's why your growth number is an enneagram one for the fours. And find ways to act on your strong ideals and principles. It's a big list. I know, so don't let it overwhelm you. Pick one or two things to work on. That's usually what I'll tell a four is just pick three things. Sleeping more, eating well, and moving your body. If you start there Immediately a four can get out of a Ruth. I promise you. It sounds simple, but I know when you're in that, it doesn't feel like even just getting out of bed can feel hard. But be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up. It might take a little time, and it's okay. My enneagram Fives, my quiet specialists or the investigators, you know, their biggest fear is not being knowledgeable or capable, and they're motivated by certainty. And fives have a knack for standing back and viewing life very objectively and without emotional bias. Highly observant, the fives gather lots of data so that your decisions can be informed and wise. And unfortunately, no matter how much information you have, it never seems like enough. And especially if you're feeling incapable, you're learning something new, or you're in a relationship, sometimes you think that getting more information will make this better, but actually, it buries you. It actually buries you more, and you feel stuck. You see people who have far less intelligence than you succeeding, whether it's in relationships or professionally, and just because they have better social skills or they act faster, you're like, geez, but if they only knew, like, what I knew. You want to bring your ideas to life, but you struggle to express your thoughts clearly. And you want connection, but people overwhelm you. So you can see where this can feel and make you believe that you are completely stuck. So for the enneagram5, more information isn't always better. In fact, that keeps you stuck even more. It's when we take what we have. The information that we know, we acknowledge, kind of even the parts of us that want to hold back because you think it might be too much or you know you'll get depleted. But the action is kind of the important part here and something to remember. For my enneagram Fives, integration for you means embracing some qualities of that eight, right? That's your growth number. This means getting in touch with your body and trusting your instincts more instead of being so heady all the time and taking more action, even if you're like, oh, God, this is going to deplete me, go ahead and take a risk. Speak up. Even if you risk saying something, you later have to take back. Fives, moving their body also is really, really important. Go outside. Get away from the information web. Practice being in the present and asking for you what you want and letting others know that they matter to you. Getting in touch with your feelings and your body is really important. Four or five, I promise you, it won't suck suck the information out of you. For my Enneagram Sixes. They have the biggest need for certainty on the Enneagram. They need to know so they aren't blindsided. They want to be prepared. They want to have worst case scenario figured out and a plan for it. And so a lot of times when they feel stuck is when things haven't gone well enough or they're not getting the information they need. The Enneagram 6. The loyal skeptic often feels bombarded by worries and premonitions about potential worst case scenarios. And if you're feeling stuck and then you add more of that on there, it does make you feel like you're. You're buried in the ground beneath. Your feet feel so shaky and unsteady because you feel so conflicted all the time. I know you want to trust but you don't want to be duped. You want to relax. But your mind is always scanning for danger. You want to love but you're worried about being abandoned or taking advantage of. There are so many voices that are like having a fight club going on in your head and the thoughts inside your head telling you different things. It can be next to impossible to feel free or present in the moment. And I know how stuck that feels for a Six. So what you need to remember my sixes or those of us that love or lead them is that you can overcome your fears and be capable of taking action in the presence of them. Right. You can be scared and at the same time take action. Your growth number is the enneagram9. And this is where faith and seeing the bigger picture without having all the details mapped out that can help you get out of this rut. You're not a slave to your worries. You can become the narrative that that controls things and shut off all the conflicting voices. Be gentle with them. You know they're here to protect you. So we don't want to shame. Pull out the shame stick on yourself. Practice talking to yourself in compassionate ways and practice trusting when people say kind things to you. Instead of automatically assume there's like a motive or an agenda. Try to reality check your own suspicions and fears with others by asking them if they're really thinking what you think they are. Like this is something important. Like I've had close people in my life that are Enneagram Sixes and you know when they would say this is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm believing. Is this what you're thinking? Right. And especially somebody that you do trust. This will help you kind of break out of that cycle and that rut. Visualize a peaceful scene, get outside, practice deep breathing when worry kind of creeps into your soul. For my Enneagram Sevens, you wouldn't think they get into a rut, but they do. They really, really do. They want all options available to them at all time. They fear being stuck or boxed in. The Enneagram Sevens, the enthusiastic visionaries, are action oriented and adventurous. They crave excitement and a sense of possibility every day. This is where they get into trouble. Because unfortunately, your hunger for new experiences can give you intolerance for boredom and incessant case of fomo. You might even feel that you can't get what you really want because you spread yourself too thin, taking on too many different things. That all sound so exciting when I'm working with Sevens, like wrangling them in. Like, you can do all the things, but let's pick a few things at a time, right? And you might feel trapped whenever you have to focus on one thing for an extended period of time and leave dozens of half finished projects all on the table. You might either feel like you're leaving too much unfinished or not getting enough time to do all the things you really want to do. You want the benefits of sticking with things, but you also want the freedom to switch it up when the moon strikes. But it seems nearly impossible to have both. And when an enneagram7 is feeling like this, they get in that rut, right? You can do all the things, but you have to have a little bit of structure to it. You have to create the container and the environment for that to happen. Your growth number is the enneagram 5. And so kind of getting into solitude to map things out so that you can take more effective action will allow you to do all those things. So something to remember to get out of the rut. My Enneagram Sevens is that integration for you comes when you move towards that 5. This means calming yourself down and exploring subjects in death. It might mean placing value on self discipline and wisdom more than action. You guys are just like, you know, take action and ask for permission later, right? But this is where, you know, where some of the types need to take action. You need to slow your role a little bit, right? Practice sticking with your problems instead of immediately tuning them out or trying to find everything positive about it. I'm not saying that your positive outlook and all of that isn't your superpower, because it is. But it can be your Kryptonite when you're using it to Avoid things, right? Find someone you trust to talk to about your struggle, someone that won't try to push you into being that positive pants all the time. Practice focusing on the projects you're currently doing instead of fantasizing about all the better things that you could be doing and reminding yourself that finishing a project will be deeply satisfying to you. I promise. After all, you wouldn't have started a project if you didn't think it was worth doing. So if possible, working for yourself. You know, a lot of my visionaries do. Or pursuing a career that you love, so you can happily maintain your focus instead of feeling trapped. Same thing in your relationships. All right, my Enneagram Eights, my fellow fellow active challengers. You know, our biggest fear is being betrayed or violated. We're definitely motivated by being strong. You are bold and independent. You have an inner strength and a fighting spirit that can both be a blessing and a curse. Again, that. That fire, that intensity is your. Your superpower when it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. But that intensity when you're kind of fearful. And I know all my Enneagram aids are like, I'm not afraid of, well, okay, you are. Are. You're afraid of being betrayed and violated. And so a lot of times, if we fear that's looming, that's when that bravado comes out. And you feel often that people prematurely judge you for your intensity. And you may inadvertently scare people away without meaning to. You often feel like the world wastes time with sugar coating a bunch of crap when a more direct take charge approach would improve everything. And there is some truth to that, right? I know my Enneagram Eights feel trapped when people you love try to tone you down or make you follow their rules. You can feel an incessant urge to stick your neck out to protect others, but you feel like too many people are willing to be doormats for the rest of their their life. Oftentimes, people judge your aggressive, intense, outer demeanor without seeing the caring spirit underneath. And again, especially if you're kind of operating this a lot because you're afraid to feel the vulnerable feelings or afraid to feel the hurt, you will burn out. Yes, trust me, you will. You'll not only burn out, your body will burn out relationships, because it will be a little intense for people. And again, that intensity is your superpower when it's coming from the loving, compassionate, you know, honorable places. But when we're in fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt or ego, it will destroy everything for you. So something to remember, okay.

We all love Enneagram aids. We love a good fight. We do. But remember that verbal sparring is often energizing to us, but draining to others. Learning the art of negotiation. And pause to see things from other people's perspectives before immediately lashing out fighting for them. Any of the things. This is something that for an enneagram 8, you're going to always have to check yourself. Are you doing this for the flex? Are you doing this for you to prove to yourself and to the world how strong you are? Or are you doing this for the greatest good? Because when you do things only from the greatest good, you will have boundless amounts of energy. Your relationships and the people in your life will be drawn to you in a beautiful way. Strong people find friends who appreciate your non conformist, intense behavior and accept you for who you are. My squad. Oh my gosh. Like, they appreciate that in me. And because they do, they also see the very sensitive, tender parts of me. It's important to make sure that your expectations for yourself are realistic and make sure that you're allowing yourself time for fun, creativity and physical action. You know, for that eight, you know that intensity it is. And because that, that eight feels. They're so bulletproof all the time. We're, we're almost. Especially if we're feeling some things in our life, we overdo it. Just like the Threes, the Eights can do that too. And finally, my Enneagram Nines, the adaptive peacemakers, they want harmony and they fear conflict. They really, really do. They don't love it. They're super. The Enneagram 9. You are considerate and open minded and you care deeply about what, what others want and need. This is your gift. And you can feel trapped because people take your warm, accepting nature for granted. You might feel like it's nearly impossible to stand up for yourself, choosing to go along with others want. Instead, you might feel confused about what you really want because you're so concerned with not rocking the boat and your sensitivity to criticism and your need for harmony, but your simultaneous need for independence and freedom can all be at odds with each other. And this can make you feel paralyzed or stuck. And this is where that sloth part of you, it's like, forget about it. I'm just going to kind of crawl in my shell, pull the blankets up over my head and call it a. You know, your voice matters. Your growth number is the enneagram3. So especially, and this is hard for a 9 when you feel like lazy of spirit and lazy in body. It might feel really, really impossible to do this, but how you get out of a rut is to remember that your voice does matter. Give your opinions and desires as much or more credence than what the people around you think. Take that first step to change a situation that isn't right, even if it does disrupt things for a little bit. And bring up your problems with others instead of letting them simmer and boil under the surface. Your go to emotion is anger, even though it's not on the surface. It is like this smoldering campfire that if one drop of gasoline gets dropped on it, holy moly, it's off to the races. So to get out of that rut, practice feeling the buildup of emotions in your body. You're in the instinctual center, and try to express them calmly right away. Instead of acting like everything is fine because you're in that instinctual body, you're focusing on what is happening right now. And what is happening right now is you want harmony. But oftentimes, especially for a nine, what gets you in the rut is settling for short term harmony instead of dealing with, you know, this temporary disharmony, to have that long term peace, the people who care about you really want you to express yourself authentically. I promise. I promise. I know for all the Enneagram types, feeling like you're in a rut, it can feel. Feel very dark and it can feel very, very lonely. And I think the more that you know, you understand your Enneagram type, you won't give so much power to it because you're human. We're all going to get in a rut from time to time, especially if we've been operating in fear or worry or anger or shame or any of that. So none of us are immune to getting in a rut. And sometimes getting in that rut is the greatest pause button we will ever get. Because it really makes us take a bigger look at not just what we're doing, but why, why we're doing it. And that is the gift and the beauty of the Enneagram is getting to the core motive about why we do what we do, getting to the core and acknowledging what our biggest fear is and knowing that when it comes up, we have the beautiful tools and the framework of the Enneagram to help navigate our ways out of it. And doing it with kindness and compassion and empathy and grace. Pulling out the shame stick absolutely will only keep you more stuck in the rut. Okay, so why I love the Enneagram and bringing it to you is giving you compassion and kindness and honorable tools so that when you do find yourself in this position, there's a faster, softer way out of it. If you aren't sure what your Enneagram type is, or if you have taken an online assessment, know that they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. So if you're using the Enneagram as the greatest power growth tool of all time, and it is next to my faith, it is honestly, and it keeps me rooted in my faith. If you're going to use the Enneagram, which I highly recommend, it can change your whole life in very quick, magical ways. Having the right information is key because if you've taken an online assessment and you think, let's say you're a three, but you're actually a two, and you're listening to this and you're like, I've tried this. It's not getting me out of a room rut. It's because you're going in the wrong direction for you. So having the right information is key in the Enneagram. It's why I have developed the Enneagram blueprints and my assessment is over 95% accurate. I've done thousands and thousands of assessments with people and I am very proud of what I'm bringing to you so that you can have the right information, so that you can use this beautiful growth tool to accelerate the transformation in your life and your businesses and your relationships, in your health, health, all of the things you can get yours today@tracyomalley.com the work with me section, I promise you, this is your, your handbook for your soul. It will allow you to navigate moving fast and forward and it'll also allow you to slow down in a way that feels good for you over time. You know, a lot of times we're in our dysfunction, but I want to bring the Enneagram to more of you. Your families, your businesses, all of it. But I know when you're stuck in a rut, it feels impossible, impossible to get out. And I have found myself there many times in my 50 years and without fail over the last 11 where I've used the tool of the Enneagram. Even when I find myself there, I am able to move pretty darn quick out of it. I am able to help other people get out of it really quick to, you know, you can dive deeper with me in a 90 minute session. You get your blueprint when you do that. All of those things are available@traceyomalley.com if you love this episode. Share it Tag me. Let me know what you got out of it. Or if you have somebody in your life that you know is maybe in a rut and needs a slump buster, share this with them today. As always I am super grateful for you. Without you this work that I do would not be possible and allow me to make the impact that we are making here with this beautiful Enneagram tool. I'm am always wishing you so much love and transformation and I will talk to you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalli. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomali.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.