EP323: The Enneagram Wings - You Have More Than One, and if You Aren't Using Them Both, it May Be Why You are So Stuck

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey. Hey. Welcome to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram, the podcast. Your girl is sick today. But I wanted to show up because what we're talking about today is something I'm super, super passionate about. And honestly, every time I see it out in social media land where people will talk about I'm a three wing four or I'm a five wing six, or all the things about the wings. And you know, you don't get it till you get it. And as frustrating as it is for me, it has nothing to do with judging anyone, because you don't get it until you get it. You don't understand it until you really understand the integration of the Enneagram. And that's why I am your go to integration Enneagram specialist for sure. Now, before you get all pissy at me about the wings, and maybe you're one of those people, or maybe you even think, hey, I'm a two wing ape, all right, let's give you a little education. First, about the wings of the Enneagram, and they're really, really, really important part of the framework for you. First of all, if you look at the Enneagram diagram, the nine is at the top, and then you go clockwise one through eight until you meet again at the nine. Your wings are the numbers on either side of your core type. Now, if you've taken an online assessment before, a lot of times people will assume because you're not educated about it, and that's totally okay. It's why I'm so excited to be here with you. A lot of times people will assume whatever the top score is, their core Enneagram type, and the next ones in line are their wings, and that's simply not the case. Secondly, those online assessments are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. Now, if you want to use the beauty and the power of this framework, having the right information is pretty important, right? You won't see the magic of it unless you have the right information. So you can go get your blue blueprint today at my website, traceyomalley.com, the work with me section. My assessment is over 95% accurate, and I've tested it over a thousand times. So I'm just going to say that right now. Now, let's say you do have your correct core Enneagram type. You have two wings, one on either side of you. But so often in the Enneagram educational space, so often you're told you have only one, or you. You lean heavy one way. And that might be true for you, But I want you to think about an airplane for a second or a bird, right? Both of those things fly. They soar. They do the unthinkable. It's hard to imagine how an airplane or a bird can take flight, right? Sometimes we feel that about ourselves. It's hard to imagine ourselves taking flight and soaring to all the places that we desire and deserve when we're willing to put in the work. So why would you think one wing would do it? A one wing won't take a plane up, a one wing won't take a bird up, and one wing won't take you up either. Honestly, if you are an airplane and you have one wing, one of two things are going to happen. Either you're going to go in circles or you're going to crash and burn. Same thing with a bird and same thing with you. I know because I listen to so many of you. You inbox me, you email me, and you feel stuck, maybe especially if you are Enneagram literate, maybe it's because you're only leaning into a wing, or maybe you're not even really understanding how to use them at all. This is a way that I like to explain the wings, honestly. Whether you think of movies or sports teams or even characters in a book, right? Quite often things that we love and the movies and stories and teams that we admire very rarely has to do with the main character. Right. I want you to think about your core Enneagram type as like, the main character in your life. And although, like, it's pretty good, I use the. The movie Top Gun honestly, a lot because most of us have seen it. The old. The OG one, especially the character of Maverick. Tom Cruise. Not a huge Tom Cruise fan, personally. However, I love the character of Maverick. And in the beginning of that movie, he was kind of an asshole. However, he justified being an asshole because he had receipts to prove that he was the best in his own mind. He was the goat. Right. And although, like. Yeah. Did he cross the finish line a lot? Yeah, first, yeah. But did he have a team that believed in him, that trusted him? Did he earn the credibility? Was he safe? No. Right. Was he all about Maverick? Yes. And it wasn't until about halfway through that movie, if you remember his. His best friend, Goose. Remember Great Balls of. Right. It was his. His, you know, sole wingman. But when Maverick was in the airplane, he ignored Goose. And other than the directions from the seat, when Goose had something to say, Maverick took things into his own kind of control. Right? Same thing with Charlie. Remember the beautiful blonde instructor that he ended up having a little love affair with? Same thing. He was all about conquering that. Right. And it wasn't until halfway through the movie that not only did he, like, love his wingman, Goose, but he actually learned and took on some of the gifts that Goose brings to the table. Right. Goose was a big picture thinker. Remember that scene where Goose says, mav, I love you and I'll always have your back, but, like, you're unsafe. And we all have a lot at stake here and we need you to get your shit together. Right? And same thing with Charlie once. He was like, yeah, I'm like, I dig her and everything. That was fine. But he wasn't his very best self until he took the wisdom and the beauty and the gifts of Charlie. Remember that scene when she chases him down in that cute little convertible car down the. The highway and she stops him and she's like, maverick, you are the best absolutely, in talent, but you are not using your gifts to the greatest capacity. And you aren't even touching what you're capable of as long as you are in your own fucking head, right? And so it wasn't until Maverick started to embody the gifts of Charlie and Goose. It doesn't mean he's motivated like either one of them. It doesn't mean that he fears like either one of them. But they bring something to. To the table that without them, Maverick will never be the goat. He will never be what he's designed to be, right? He'll just be an ego. He'll be in fear. He'll be an insecurity and worthiness and even some shame, even if he hides it. You are operating like a maverick in your life. And that's not always a bad thing, right? But when things start to get a little hairy or, you know, we have to step up to the plate and do this stuff that feels uncomfortable, a lot of times, we'll resort to the Maverick in ourselves and we'll justify or we'll judge others, right? We'll judge ourselves. When you have two beautiful wings, wingmen, wing women, right there in. It doesn't have to be in human form. It doesn't have to be in human form, but you do have to understand their gifts of your wings. You have to understand how and when to use them. And then you have to practice it, right? The reps build confidence. Now, it's pretty cool, you know, over the last 11 years that I've been a student, teacher, integrator, and facilitator of the Enneagram. I don't know if it's ironic or not, but, you know, some of my closest friends happen to be my wings on the Enneagram. Like, three of my closest friends are Enneagram sevens, and I'm raising an enneagram7, right? I think that I needed that one. I needed to see what that looked like in human form at its healthiest, right? I was married to a seven who wasn't the healthiest seven. And I used my wing in a not so healthy way in my earlier years. But having beautiful, enthusiastic visionaries in my life have reinforced how I can find that within myself, right? Same thing with the. The nine wing of mine as an eight. I use the nine wing in a very, very unhealthy way. Growing up in an alcoholic home early, early on in my life, right? I've used it in codependent relationships. Now I know how to use that. Beautiful Yoda, like wise Christ, like, quite honestly, spirit and vision of the nine wing today. And I want you to know you have two beautiful wings. And, and here's the thing. Like the wings, who I am, I'm still spicy ass 8 enneagram girl. I am. I am. And that's not changing. I will always be motivated like an 8. No matter what I do, I will always be motivated to be strong and to be have control of my life. That's not going to change how I go about it and how I express that. Absolutely does. My biggest fear will always be like that. I'm going to be betrayed or violated or put in a vulnerable situation. That's not going to change. And it's great to know that. But instead of leaning into the maverick in myself all the time, I have my goose and my Charlie. I have my seven and my nine wing that I can learn how to use to change how that gets expressed. To not leave some wreckage behind. To not be operating in fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt or ego. So you all have your wings. You have to know and practice how to use them. You know, some of the best tools. You know, having the right tool for the job is really, really important. And I use this analogy on a couple session that I recently did. I could tell like the husband of the team, he wasn't quite getting this right away until I brought in the tools. He was in construction and I said, listen, having the right tool for the job makes everything more efficient, easier, faster. Saves you time, trouble and money, right? We all know how to use a screwdriver. Think of your core enneagram type like the screwdriver. You don't have to Google it. You don't need instructions. You know how to do that instinctively in all your being, right? We do. That's why usually if you've worked with me or you've spent some time with me and I've facilitated a workshop or something, I often encourage you not to go down the rabbit hole of your core enneagram type. But in, in return, I want you to study your wings. Because they are the real superheroes that will bookend the core in you. God's design for you, the divine's design for you. How you were always designed to be before the world came and kicked you in the teeth. Right? I want you to be able to use these support wings so that you can soar way beyond anything you thought possible. It is so fascinating to like every time I'm sitting in the seat of an airplane, I'm just in awe of like how the hell did this thing take off Right. Or when I watch a bird. Like, they're so little and fragile, some of them. Some of them are big and powerful. But either way, I just look. I'm like, God, how does that even happen? And when I look back at my life, there are moments where I'm like, God, how did I do what I do? How did I live through that? How did I survive that? How did I overcome that? How did I reach new heights when everything on paper said I couldn't? It has everything to do with the support of my wings, both of them. So can we commit today to stop saying, I'm a three wing blank, or I'm a two wing this or I'm a whatever. Your core Enneagram. You are a beautiful. Supported by both your wings. Enneagram blank. Seriously. And you know, I'm going to do another episode on your growth number I have before, but in order to reach your growth number, which is another part of the framework of your core Enneagram type, and it's another part of what I have, my students and my mentees and the people that I help guide study is the three numbers I have, you really study, are your wings and your growth number. Because in order to be in our highest version of our core enneagram type, we look and embody another Enneagram type. And it's the hardest. It's. It seems impossible. And we'll never get there without the support. Right. It's just like anything in life, you know, even all my Enneagram fives and eights who like to do everything by themselves, we cannot get where we are designed to be alone. We can't. Sometimes that means community. But for many of you, if you're like me, who prefer to be a lone wolf, start with your wings. Learn how to use them like their support. Learn how to use them like they are Goose and Charlie in your life. Honestly, I don't know if I would have been as willing and open and honest with myself that I needed support in my life without those two wings bookending me. You know who I am today. I'm still that spicy enneagram 8. But I'm not as afraid of vulnerability. I was able to recalibrate the measuring stick in which I was motivated. Right? And you can, too. Learn your wings. Learn what they're great at. Learn the gifts they bring to the table, and then be messy in integrating them. It's just like anything. Reps build confidence. Reps build confidence. And I do make it look easy. Today, I can swing heavy into my seven wing in. In a moment, I can swing heavy into my nine wing before I open my mouth. But it didn't come easy. It came with consistent practice and an unconditional commitment to the framework of my Enneagram type and who I was always designed to be. I want to help more of you do that. Right. We go over heavy in private 90 minute power sessions, couple sessions, or any team or group facilitation that I do. If this is something you want to dive deeper into with me as your guide, please reach out. I can customize anything for you. Your families, yourself, your spouse, your partners, business partners, friendships, couples, teams, whatever that looks like for you. This is real. This is where the real magic happens with the framework of the Enneagram. And I'm committed to bringing more outside the box teachings of the Enneagram. The more that I speak in groups, the more, and especially when I have people like you that love the Enneagram and have heard it taught and told and muddled and all the things a different way that all of a sudden when you're in front of me, it just kind of clicks a little bit differently and you understand the power of I would be honored to help you, your people, your communities, your teams, your businesses, your organizations, your families use this beautiful tool in your life too. As always, I'm super grateful for you. Helping me get in front of more people will allow the integration of the Enneagram to be the very thing that keeps you grounded, rooted in what you were always and who you were always designed to be. I'm grateful for you. As always, I'm wishing you so much love and transformation. I apologize for the raspy voice today. I'm barely hanging on, but I'm super passionate about bringing all of this to you. If you want more information on how to get your blueprint or do a session with me, you can go to Tracy o' malley dot THE Work with me section. Or you can find me on Instagram at Tracy Underscore o'. Malley. And as always, I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. We'll talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast.

Please help us spread the word about.

This show and the Enneagram by sharing.

It with a friend and leaving a.

Written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead.

You into the next level of your life, Sam.