EP324: How Your Instinct of Your Enneagram Type Shape, Show and Shine Your Personality

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news. You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. Okay, we're going to get into next level Enneagram today because this is probably one of the main reasons why if you have taken an online assessment or a test or maybe the Enneagram isn't resonating with you as a tool so much as you hear me talk about or other people talk about. And the thing we're going to talk about today is probably why it's also kind of where that nature and nurture collide. This is where how we have experienced life can kind of play out in the Enneagram. And I believe that our core Enneagram type is like a divine gift for us. How we're wired, the things that motivate us. It's. It fits into this beautiful, unique archetype, right? And then we're dropped into situations and families and experiences that can kind of not change who we are, but change how it gets expressed. And a lot of that has to do with the instincts, but to kind of take you into this, like, if you're, if you're newer to the Enneagram, or maybe you just found me and you've just heard certain schools of teaching the Enneagram, this might be a little bit different, and it actually is going to blow your mind. Okay, so the Enneagram obviously is this psychological system and framework of personality archetypes that describes the nine different ways that each type thinks, feels, acts in the world. It is a beautiful. It's my favorite tool for self discovery and allows me to stay rooted in who I am and, and who I was designed to be by the divine. This helps personal and professional development and helps you understand yourself. And honestly, it's the greatest compassion tool I've ever used. Not just in dealing with myself and my crazy brain, but also other people. Okay, so the Enneagram has the nine distinct personality types. And each obviously is represented by a number from 1 to 9 with very cool names. Each Enneagram type has a very unique set of core beliefs, fears, motivations, passions, vices, and tendencies that kind of shape how they react, behave, and how they experience life. Right. And the thing with the Enneagram is all based on motive. And all those online assessments don't take that into consideration because a lot of times we don't even realize what's the motivating behavior behind what we do. And it's why we get frustrated so much, because we know like what we should be doing, but we don't always understand why we can't change. Right. And it's because we maybe haven't gotten to the root of what motivates that. And this is kind of really cool where these instincts can kind of help you understand even deeper the motive. So first of all, getting accurately typed is really, really important. If you're going to use this amazing tool and I have created a blueprint for you, you can come and take my assessment. It is over 95% accurate. It also will reveal your instinct and subtype in there. And for a lot of you that maybe thought you were one type and you come and take my assessment and get the blueprint that is customized for you. Sometimes you're blown away. You're like, oh my gosh. And when you understand the instinct and how that can shape what that looks like, it makes a lot of sen. Why Maybe you were mistyped. I see this a lot, especially in high achieving women. Just so you know. So anyway, each of the nine Enneagram types each have a Very different associated vice to them. So like for the ones, it's anger, two's pride, three deceit, four envy, five avarice, six fear, seven is gluttony, eight is lust and the nine is self forgetting. And vices are also called the passion of each type of another layer emerges from the combination of the three instincts and the core enneagram 9 types. So this is where the subtypes come into play. So if you think about it, there's three different instincts within Enneagram language. And we have all three. We need all three. They're a key concept in this enneagram model. Right. They're three clusters of biological drives. We have self preservation, we have one on one to one bonding and we have social relating. So one is kind of like fight or flight and safety, security. One is interpersonal relationships. And one is like how we are out in the world, humanitarian stuff, things like that. And these primal forces are rooted in our physical body and our innate drives to survive. Right. That's self preservation, bond, interpersonal, one on one and belonging to. Right. And these all influence our behavior and decision making processes. So you can imagine you have your core enneagram type and then one of these instincts for you typically dominates. Right? And that can absolutely change how the core fear, the core motive gets expressed. The evolution of these instincts has allowed your survival and well being as a human. And they are essential to your existence and shape how you relate to yourself, others and your environment. They exist independently of your personality and are at the heart of your life strategies. And usually we're not aware of them. Right. They strongly guide your fundamental way of being. I want you to think about like how these three instincts kind of operate, right. Think of your Enneagram type as your. Your plate of food. Okay. Instinct is the strategy you use to pick which order you eat the items on your plate. There's no necessarily right or wr. But this is about what you believe is good for you and what you believe you need to do to get what you want and need in this world. And these are how the instincts can play out in your personality. While one of these instincts typically dominates, the secondary has a strong influence and the third is usually repressed. Right. Each instinct has a very distinct focus. And while they are always present, one typically becomes that dominant is more easily accessed or used or overused than the others. And the instinct that is repressed is also important for self development. So a lot of times that dominant instinct is. It can look like a strength, but it can also prove as a weakness and if you've heard me talk about, you know, the Enneagram at length, you know that each Enneagram type has a superpower. Absolutely. Is the superpower of your type. And that same thing, depending on how it's used and the come from, right. Is also your kryptonite. The instincts can also play that same role. It doesn't mean we have to change who we are. The come from is the important part and same thing with the instincts. So let's say you're a self preservation type, right? Obviously safety, security is really, really important. It's you, you might have these cool spidey senses. They might be over focused though and can create some dysfunction in how you operate, right. And depending on your core type, how that looks can be very, very different, right? So when your dominating instinct is overdeveloped and imbalanced and influenced by that fixed personality, it might be utilized improperly and not actually serve the overall interest of who you are. And it might frustrate you. And this more than even your Enneagram type. This is why I teach when I'm doing individual, worker, team or couples or families. I really focus a lot on this aspect because instincts are when life is happening to us, right? And this can shape so much like what your type can look like. So within a team or family you might have let's say two Enneagram ones. But let's say one's a self preservation and one's a social subtype one they can operate very, very different when things are happening, right? So it's really cool to understand also maybe what your role is in that. Okay, so what does this mean for you? And let me kind of go into what self preservation. If you're a self preservation type, we all have this. Obviously this is to preserve your body, your life and effective function. The self preservation instinct therefore focuses on physical safety, physical survival, well being, material security, financial security and comfort. Anxiety and or stress can combine with this instinct to drive you to conserve or hoard energy resources in response to demands from environment or other people. A lot of times you know what I found a lot? Only children I find fall into this a lot. And it's not a guarantee. So just I'm going to say that now. But a lot of, especially the people closest to me or if you had to figure things out by yourself a lot or it was unsafe or it doesn't necessarily fit a stereotype. But what I have found is I see this a lot when something happens to a self preservation type, regardless if you're a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 9. The first instinct is how is this going to affect me and my safety, security and comfort. Nothing wrong with that. And I know when I'm talking self preservation a lot of times to people that feel selfish, it's not. This is survival. It's why you're really, really good at scanning situations a little differently than maybe some of the other types. Okay, if you're a one to one or one on one, sometimes called sexual instinct type, this is where I happen to fall. And this is important for our, our growth again, this is really important. This is how we find our place in bonding with other people. But we all have a drive to project ourselves into the environment and form bonds and alliances and extend ourselves through generations, either literally by passing on our DNA or by passing on ideas. Legacy. This instinct, if you're a one on one, is focused on the intensity of experiences and one on one relationships or intimate relationships, intense personal relationships, intense work relationships. That's probably why I love what I do so much in the trenches with people as a one on one type. This, if you're one of these types that dominates, actively seeking out opportunities that promise strong, energetic connections with others. This instinct is sometimes referred to as the dominant sexual instinct. But this can be confusing. It's not always like the sexual sense. But this is like where we feel intimacy into me, you see? Right. Again, really, really important for full human development when something happens to the one on one instinct. Again, doesn't matter. Your type first kind of thought is before they go into the other instincts is how does this affect us? Like my close people, my, the people that I work closely with, the people that I love, the people that I live with, the people that I am in relation with. Okay, again, important to use all three. All right. And if you're a social type, this is like how you find you belong out in the world, right? And we each have a social instinct to get along with others and form, you know, these secure social bonds. And this can bring a focus on interactions and relationships with community groups and high social awareness of norms and status levels and social groups. And this instinct focuses energy on working towards shared purpose or the greatest good. And when something happens, it's funny, I'm raising one of my kids as a social type. And when things happen, a social type thinks like, how does this affect us all first? Right. They go to the collective first. The real goal is to be able to elegantly flow through all three instincts because they're all really, really important. Obviously safety and Security and knowing how to protect ourselves. Obviously intimacy is really important in connections and we're here to bond with humans and the human experience and obviously humanitarian efforts and, and where we can make a difference out in the social world. Right. So all really, really important. And you know, I could see and they, they can kind of stack differently. Usually two are pretty easily accessible and one is more repressed. So what does that mean for you? Okay. Really important to know. So as an eight myself, I'm very intense anyway. And having the one on one instinct as my dominator back in the day when I wasn't as healthy as I am today or self aware when things would happen, let's say, in my relationships or in the world and you know that, that eight biggest fears being betrayed or violated and that instinct would kick in. I could get extra intense or extra passionate and that didn't always work out well. Right now there are days today that obviously I'm a healthier being and more aware where I can use that in my favor. It's why when people are loved by me or in my close circle or you work with me, it's why you feel so safe and protected because that intensity is coming from a very loving, loving place. But it's really important to understand how this can play out. Wings are not subtypes, right? But your wings can help you use these instincts to move through the three a lot faster to use the three instincts. I, I have said over and over again that the wings are really kind of the superpowers in all of this. They are the real flex. And because your core enneagram type is so ingrained and natural to you and you go there by default. And just because it's by default doesn't mean it's always what's best for you. It's not always the right tool for the job, right? But having these wings, right, accessible to you, they can help you make sense when your core instinct and your core fear and your core motive is trying to take over in maybe not a healthy way. These wings can play the best supporting role in helping you, especially as you grow, move through all three of these instincts and take yourself through the problem solving process and critical thinking process, right? So how do you use the subtypes for growth? You know each enneagram type has that vice that I talked about, right? Anger, pride, deceit, envy, you know those things. And knowing your subtype and using the integration of the enneagram, so keep listening to the podcast can support you in your growth as the vice of your type can show up very differently. And how the vice usually shows up is when the core fear of your Enneagram type shows up. So biggest fear of the Enneagram one obviously is not being good. So anger can kick in when that's being nicked, not being loved and appreciated for an Enneagram too, that, that pride can kick in if that's getting nicked, not being the best or not being great. For the three that deceit, that self deceit can kick in for when they don't feel unique or special or authentic. Envy can kick in when fives feel like they're not knowledgeable or their resources are being depleted. Avarice, which is kind of like a hoarding or greed can have them protecting that. For the sixes, the fear when their certainty is being rocked and they feel like they're not prepared or they're going to get blindsided, that fear can kick in for the sevens, that insatiable need for more, more, more gluttony. When they feel like they're that's being taken from them or it's being restricted, that gluttony can kick in. For the eights, the fear of being betrayed or violated or put in a vulnerable situation. Lust that intensity can come into play. And nine, their need for harmony when that, when they feel like that's being rocked. Self forgetting. So those are the vices, right? So when that is kind of happening, it can show up differently than explained in the Enneagram memes and all the education out there, the subtype can drastically affect how that vice can show up. Okay, so. And it can bring balance back into how you move through. And it's often the work on the repressed instinct that can help you make the most profound awakening to a balanced and happy life. So for me, the social instinct was my most repressed one and I've had to work really, really hard on that. And Obviously the last 11 years in working in large groups and speaking from stages in front of millions of people at this point I have tapped more into my social instinct. It's still probably my least used out of all of them as I'm, you know, love being in the trenches with people. It's my natural go to. But the more that I evolve, especially when it comes to that vice, it allows me to really be able to serve a greater good and make a bigger impact globally. It's pretty cool. So how the subtypes and understanding can help you in growth self awareness by exploring your instinct and your subtype within your Enneagram type, you can Gain a deeper understanding of your unique strengths and weaknesses and blind spots. This self awareness is a crucial step towards your growth. Relationship dynamics Obviously, understanding the subtypes of those around you can help you navigate and improve your relationships. For example, if you're in a relationship with somebody who shares your enneagram type but has a different subtype, learning to appreciate and respect their unique perspective and needs. It's interesting because I work with a lot of self preservation eights tons. I'm a one on one eight. How a self preservation eight and how a one on one eight show up when they're under stress or their fear is being tested can be very very different. So I can offer them a different perspective and they also show me, you know, what that can look like. It's really cool. And it's why like I'm going and heading to Denver for a retreat that I'm co facilitating and it's cool because we have similar types but it's so cool because there's a lot of the different subtypes and they're going to get deep dive into what that looks like. Healing and transformation Understanding your subtype can allow for that. By recognizing your dominant subtype and working to integrate the other two, you can heal past wounds a lot faster and transform negative patterns with better understanding and more compassion. So let's say you're a type 9. With the self preservation subtype you might tend to avoid conflict and prioritize comfort over growth. And by integrating like the social and the one on one subtypes and instincts, you can learn to speak up for yourself and pursue your passions more boldly. And finally, spiritual development. Each subtype has its own unique path from vice to the virtue and ways to express their essential gifts. And by exploring your subtypes, obstacles and tendencies and seeking out different practices that resonate with you, you can deepen your connection to the divine and your sense of purpose in the world. So you can see like this, this whole conversation about the subtypes and this is why like don't even bother with those online assessments. This is next level understanding yourself. And when you understand this not just about yourself, but then start to learn about the other people. This is how you can accelerate transformation at a Mach 10 speed. It's why when you spend 90 minutes with me it feels like 10 years of therapy. Again, I'm not a therapist. I don't want to be a therapist. Therapists do come to me to do this work because it is so fast in how we can accelerate that transformation. Because I can pinpoint where you lie in your instincts and help you make sense of it and help you grow in the other ones so that you can flow through life. You can grow, you can make impact, you can raise healthy families, you can have more passionate, intimate connections. You can speak up for yourself. You can have healthy boundaries. And when this happens, you are in flow. And when you are in flow, magic happens in your life. And everything that you desire and everything that you deserve can come at you so much faster. And this is how we live a life by design. This is how we love, we lead and we live by design. Instead of just operating by default and fight or flight and all the things that kind of trip us up, you know, this is where you bring that personal development you've been learning all these years and actually do something with it. And that's why I love the tool of the Enneagram. It's why I'm so passionate about diving in the trenches with you as a one on one instinct. It's why it's. I'm really great at that. If you're not ready for that, I totally get that. But start with the blueprint. Start with the blueprint so you know what you're working with. Again, it will give you not only your accurate type, but your subtype and you will understand your wings and all of the things. With the right information, you are on the right direction. And you can kind of dive on your own and, and, and listen to these podcasts and take that journey. And if you're ready to kind of dive a little deeper, you can do 90 minutes with me. It might be all you need to kind of springboard your growth and take all the things that you've been learning along the way, like information. I've said this before, doesn't equal transformation. And it's where I'm very, very different when it comes to the Enneagram. I don't give a shit about just giving you information. I want to show you how this actually impacts your life and how to use it to grow, transform, impact, live legacy, create legacy in your life. It's powerful. It's powerful. You can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to get your blueprint right now. You'll get my assessment. You'll get your customized blueprint with all your details. And if you know you're ready to dive deep, you can go ahead and book a one on one session with me. I also do partner and couple sessions. Or if you're somebody who facilitates a team in a business or organization. We go through all of this in our workshops. So all that information is@traciomalley.com you can find me also on Instagram at Tracy Underscore o' Malley I'm going to talk more and more about the instincts because I think they're so important in understanding yourself at a next level level. We're way more than just an Enneagram type, y'. All. Right? It's what we do with it. It's a framework, it's a system. And when you know how it flows and when you understand yourself, you'll start to understand everything that comes your way. I'm so grateful for you. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation and we'll talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at traceeomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

J.