EP327: It's Important to Build Your Emotional Muscles Now - The Deeper Work So When Life Kicks You in the Teeth, it Doesn't Take You Out

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, and I am fresh off of a beautiful few days in Denver where we did a. An incredible retreat with 12 women. 12 women that had no idea what they were signing up for. They knew that I was involved and my friend Keisha was involved. And other than that, they really didn't know what to expect. They didn't know who would be there. But they all raised their hand and said, I am ready to grow. I am here for whatever is for me. And I know that that's scary to even think about doing right. I don't know if I would do that, especially without having more details. I know all my Enneagram sixes, fives and eights specifically are like, yeah, no, that's. I need more details than that. But what was happening was this common theme, and all 12 people that were included with this were very, very diverse in their stages in life. The things they've experienced, their ages, cultures, background, places they live, I mean, couldn't be more diverse. Quite honestly, I think they ranged in age from 21 to like 55. Crazy. Yet we all found the common, common theme, and I know you listening probably have the same thing, is you want to be and operate as the best version of yourself. You don't want to self sabotage, you don't want to feel stuck, you want not to play small. You don't want to hold yourself back. You want support in your life, you want to be vulnerable, you want intimacy, you want all the things. And I think as humans, we all want that. But I know you specifically, if you're listening to this podcast, you're into growing yourself. Now, I know it always doesn't have to be work and doing things to. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing fucking wrong with any of us, quite honestly. However, I will say this. Continuing to do this deeper work and building the spiritual and emotional muscle will allow you to have it so strong that when the big shit does happen, it doesn't take you out. And in fact, you are able to take the bigger shit that typically might take you out and turn it into something beautiful. You've heard me say before, if you've listened for any time that I don't love, like, and believe that everything happens for a reason. There is free will out there. There's some heinous shit that happens, some horrible things to really great people that it doesn't seem like that feels real good. But what I do know to be true in my almost 51 years of life is that anything that does happen, you can absolutely turn into something magical and beautiful. But that requires doing some of this work, the deeper work, in order to build these muscles. So what does that mean? What is the deeper work? Right? What is it? What is it? And there is no concrete, exact answer. And depending on where you're at in your life, what that deeper work looks like might look different than to somebody like me who's been at this for 23 years, right? But the first part comes in becoming aware that you want to grow. Now, here's the thing with wanting to grow. You can't have this contingency plan. And this is where most of you are getting tripped up. I did too. I did too. It's like, yes, I will do this as long as insert, you know, your thing of choice. I was like, I will do that as long as it doesn't disrupt my life. I will do the deeper work as long as I Don't have to be vulnerable. I will do the deeper work as long as it doesn't cost me a lot of money. I will do the deeper work as long as you fill in your blank, right? The minute we start putting contingency plans on this stuff, we won't grow and we can't build the muscle strong. You know, we can know what to do. It's kind of like the gym, right? And building our physical muscles and, and taking care of our bodies. Like we can all go on YouTube or Google and look up workouts and things like that, right? But if we don't know what's going on internally in our body, sometimes those workouts can do more harm than good. And a lot of times we'll do the workouts and take care of the muscles because we want an outside appearance. And I think a lot of times when we're doing this deeper work, it's because we want what it looks like on the outside to appear better or it's because we want a certain specific outcome. We want to make more money, we want to grow our brand. We. Right. And when we don't do it for the internal honoring reasons, a lot of times the work that we do and the results that we get aren't sustainable and they don't feel really aligned. There was a lot of times in my life that when it came to taking care of the body, and I'm putting that in air quotes because I really wasn't necessarily taking care of my body. I wanted a certain outlook on the outside, right? I did certain workouts to or, or honestly to make me feel more strong and powerful. As an enneagram 8, that's something I love to do, right? And I would kind of even low key judge things like yoga, Pilates, walking, anything like that, because I was like, well, that doesn't make strong, that doesn't make you strong. And when we do this work, whether it's a physical work or our emotional and spiritual work from the inside out, we can have sustainable change and growth. So let's still stick to physical growth, right? And those physical muscles, Quite honestly, a lot of the things I was doing for where I was at in my life, hormonally, stress, age, lifestyle, all those things that I thought I was doing that were strong and helpful were actually doing more harm than good. So I hired somebody to check my hormones and do internal gut checks, you know, things that really are more important than the exercises we're doing. And if we don't know what we're dealing with on the inside, what we do on the outside actually can do more harm than good. And I think when it comes to our emotional and spiritual work, the same thing's happening. You might be aware that you want certain change to happen in your life, whether it's professional or personal, in your marriages, in your relationships, in your friendships, in your parenting, Right? And so you're looking at somebody that maybe has what you want, or they have really good, amazing, fluffy marketing, right? And they. They're nailing your pain points. Nailing them. And so you assume that following whatever they tell you is the right thing to do. And I've seen this over and over again. I end up with a lot of you that have done that. And I get it, I've done it myself, because it sounds like an easier, softer way. And temporarily it might be. And temporarily, you might have some change and you might have the dopamine high and you might feel empowered for a moment. But what happens when bigger shit starts happening in your life? Are the things you've been taught sustainable? Are the things that you've been taught, told and modeled actually honoring who you are as a person?

Have you maybe leaned into things and people and programs and coaches or even podcasts that honor who you are? Do you even know who you are? For the first 12 years of my personal growth development journey, other than a therapist who pretty much I didn't speak truth to, I had eight therapists before I found the one for me 12 years ago. I wasn't really honest with them, can manipulate them. And my growth journey, although I would have some change temporarily, when the big shit did happen. Divorce, recession, health crisis, death in my family, relationship blow ups, parenting challenges, none of it was sustainable because I didn't even know who the hell I was. That is the first step is really knowing who you are. And if you're somebody of faith like I am. Even with that, it was really hard for me to know who I was. I knew whose I was, but I didn't know who I was. Right? And that's why the Enneagram has become the most powerful tool in my life and in thousands and thousands of people's lives that I've been able to help. Right? It actually keeps me rooted in my faith even stronger. It actually allows me to have a blueprint and a roadmap of building these emotional and spiritual muscles so that when the hard stuff happens, it doesn't take me out. And in fact, I grow at a faster pace. I've had some hard things happen, especially the last three years. Really really, really, really hard. As I have explored deeper intimacy not just in my romantic life, but also my support and personal and professional life. I've. It's really challenging. All good, all good challenges, but still very, very challenging. I've had some things blow up and some friends in my life that have, you know, maybe not handled things the way that I would have liked, right. And their perspective is theirs and all of that, and all of those things in the past might have taken me out or I would have used my overdeveloped ego or over developed coping mechanisms in order to some more dysfunction in my life. And because of this kind of work, this self awareness, self honoring, perspective shifting kind of work that the Enneagram can absolutely facilitate in your life when those things happened, although still hurtful, still had to grieve, still continuing to grieve. I have grown light years, light years. Not just in my own personal and emotional life, but professionally. I've made more money, I've been happier. I'm healthier and stronger than I've ever been. So doing this deeper work now and continuing to do it will allow you that when the real life stuff happens, because it's going to, you can't prevent it. All my sixes that are master troubleshooters and, and all the things, and all my threes out there just crushing goals. And all my ones doing all the right things. And all my twos just, you know, being this heart of service. And all my fours stepping into their unique gifts. And all my fives researching the hell out of things. And all my sevens thinking about what's the best that can happen. And all my fellow eights thinking they can power through anything. And all my nines just knowing that if they keep the peace, everything will work out when hits the fan. None of that works unless you have very clear perspective on who you are, where your strengths are, what your kryptonite is and how you navigate that best. That's why I love the Enneagram, y'. All. In my private one on one coaching, not only do we make sure you're typed accurately in real time in real life situations, every day for over three months, we dive into your life and it is super, super powerful. Just like, you know, working on your, your fitness when you have somebody in the trench with you, not just showing you what to do, but in it with you, it can. And when we're building these emotional and spiritual muscles, it's one thing to know what to do differently. It's another thing that when we're in the thick of things where we typically react or operate on instincts rather than intuition and our nervous system that it goes sideways. We lean into what we've always known, what we've always felt was comfortable, which gave us survival, significance and certainty. But it doesn't necessarily grow us or honor where we're headed or who we actually are. In my private VIP one on one coaching, you have access to me every single day in real life situations. Professionally, I'm a hell of a strategist when it comes to business. I have had three multimillion dollar businesses that I've grown over the last 20 something years. I am very good in instincts, in what is happening right now in the pivot. I'm masterful at helping you grow emotionally, intelligently as well as spiritually honoring your your own faith and where you to go. Imagine having somebody in the trench with you every single day for over three months. You want to build strong ass muscles. That's how you do it. I have just a couple spots. I've opened a few up, made it through the holidays. November, December, January and February are always my biggest months when it comes to my one on one coaching because family and the holidays and the new year really puts things in perspective for people. And I also know this time of year because the newness of the new year has worn off, that you feel yourself into old patterns. You feel yourself in the stuckness and the sabotage or maybe you hitched your trailer to a truck that wasn't for you and you don't know how to get out of it. In my private VIP one on one coaching, we dive into all those things holistically. You're a holistic being. You're not just what you do, you're not just who you parent, you're not just who you're romantically involved with. You're not just the circle that you run in. You're bigger and more than that and helping you become more aware of that so you can honor your journey, so you can acknowledge all the beautiful, even maybe some of the things that you carry shame about that keep you stuck in the shame cave. We bring it all to the surface with love and compassion and empathy and grace so that you can step into who you are honorably, make hard changes in your life. Maybe you have to take an inventory of who and what is in your life and that can be really hard to do alone. I know without accountability I will justify any of my own bullshit. I'm the master of it and I know that I can see it in you and can help you move through so that you can have that sustainable change, so you can feel really, really great about that and so you can become and build such bulletproof muscles that even when the hardest hard happen in your life, it doesn't take you out. Becoming bulletproof doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or it's without pain, or it isn't disruptive. I mean, think about, you know, law enforcement or anybody that's on the front lines, you know, military, I mean, they're taking hits all the time. Becoming bulletproof doesn't mean that you don't take the hits, but they don't have to take you out. That's what becoming bulletproof is. And if you've been a longtime listener, that was the original title of my podcast, that was original premise of this podcast. And work with me can allow you to become bulletproof. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it doesn't knock you on your ass from time to time. But each time you get knocked on your ass, I want you to get up stronger, more grateful, more evolved. Those muscles becoming stronger so that you can use anything that does happen in your life for something magical. You know, I've experienced a lot of hard things in my life in almost 51 years. Really hard things. Some things I wouldn't wish on anyone but wouldn't also, also change for anything. And with the tools that I teach you in our coaching time, whether it's with a group of people, one on one with you, with a spouse or a partner, business partner, whatever, I want you to build those muscles so strong so that you can do what you were meant to do here in this life, personally and professionally. I'm grateful for the time that you take to listen here. Honestly. I know that doing the deeper work can feel scary. I know that many of you that maybe you're listening right now and you want to work with me, but you're really afraid because, you know, like, if. If you can't unknow and unsee what you learn from our time together, and if you want more fluffy ass shit, absolutely, go get it. I'm not your person. But if you're really ready to grow, to build these spiritual and emotional muscles and really step into that, apply, apply for my private VIP one on one coaching. Like I said, I only take a few people at a time. And even if have the investment, if you're not ready, I won't take you. Honestly. Honestly, I just won't. I want to work with those that are actually willing and ready to dive deep emotionally and face the hard things. I have such a dynamic group right now of clients. It's amazing. And all of them were ready and when we got in, they're like, oh shit. I'm like, I know it's scary, but this is where, where we make magic happen in our life. This is where we, we do the things that we desire and, and receive everything that we deserve. Go do that today. And if that's not, maybe for you, a private 90 minute power session with me might just do the trick and allow you to see what that might look like. As always, I'm super grateful for the time that you take. I know you have many choices out there in podcast land and it means the world to me. And I don't ever, ever take it for granted or take it lightly that you chose to spend your time here with me and my gift that I've really, really worked hard on and I'm super passionate about. This is, you know, I joke. This is version 6.0 of me and this is the final. This is the final version of my career path. Honestly, this is what I will do till I am done here on this earth. So I'm really grateful. So I'm really grateful for each and every one of you that take the time to listen, to share with other people, and to raise your hand and say, I'm ready to do the work. It's amazing what happens when you surrender to that. I'm living proof of that. As always, I'm grateful. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation and all the juicy parts of life. We'll talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead.

You into the next level of your life, Sam.