EP334: EQ vs. IQ And How the Enneagram Helps You Flex Both

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show.

Where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply.

It in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership. Sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding.

Of how to help you implement this.

Into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate.

Way, and then help you lead others.

That way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, and today we're going to take it to a little bit of story time. So this episode is really cool. It's EQ versus iq, emotional intelligence versus intellectual intelligence. Both are really, really important. But I'm gonna kind of give you real life situation that just happened this morning and yesterday. And just over the last few weeks, I'm recognizing why I love the Enneagram even more in this emotional intelligence. Cause a lot of times our emotional intelligence dictates what we do and how we're effective with our intellectual intelligence. So in my opinion, you gotta have emotional intelligence, more of that, and the rest will fall into place. But both are obviously important. You have to have skills and intellect and all of those things. But I thought I'd share a little real life story time with you on how I worked through something because, you know, I'm in this weird Season of my life right now. A lot of changes are happening. All really exciting, all really amazing and equally vulnerable for me. My kids are both getting ready to move out. That's exciting. They're both ready. It's amazing. Dynamics and my own personal relationship are shifting into moving into a different direction, which is exciting and also very scary and vulnerable for a lot of reasons. I'm looking a little further ahead in my life. You know, the days that I become a grandmother, if my kids choose to become parents and what that looks like. Right. And for a while now, I've wanted to buy a boat. I wanted to buy a boat for a long, long, long time. But there was some resistance around it. Obviously, it's an extravagant kind of purchase. I was kind of discerning. Do I want to do this for the right reasons? You know, because of where my kids are at in their life, you know, they can't necessarily go take longer trips because they're adulting. They have jobs and careers and things like that. But I wanted to have something where we could have experiences together, even locally, for a day. Right. We've got a great home, the pool, the whole thing. But, you know, having some adventure outside of the house is always fun, too. But I still couldn't kind of get past that. Like, this is a ridiculously large amount to spend for that. At least right now. I just couldn't get past that. There's also another element which I'll get to in a second. Anyway, something happened where a friend of mine, he had inherited his dad's boat, and he had used it for about a year and recognized that, you know, he wasn't using it where he would want to use it, all the things for his life. And so he put this shout out, like, anybody interested in. And I couldn't say no because the cost was so ridiculously low that even if I use it one summer. Check the box. I got my money's worth out of it. And so I took this as a moment of, like, you know, divine timing. But what I didn't expect was this. So I purchased the boat, paid for it, no problem. Didn't have to finance shit to buy a boat, which. That was the other thing. I didn't wanna finance a boat. Not knocking anybody that has. But where I'm at in my life, it just didn't make a lot of sense. But this opportunity came up, so I bought it about a month and a half ago, and I waited till yesterday to pick it up, even though I've been excited about it all the Things and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. And this is the beautiful gift of emotional intelligence is I was like, okay, what's the root here? What's the root here? And this is why the Enneagram is so powerful. Because I know there's a reason I'm resisting this and because there's a vulnerability here. There is something about this that I feel week and this morning, I discovered exactly what that was all about. I had an idea. But it was funny. Yesterday I went and picked it up for my friend. And he's great. Love him so much. He's a great person. He's somebody who does a lot of emotional work too. So I know if he ever listens to this, he'll appreciate this. But I pull up, I back my big ass truck up, and I drive this big old lifted truck. Big shocker for an enneagram 8. Something strong and powerful. And I've hauled shit before. Like, I've pulled fifth wheels. I've, you know, I'm a rugged tomboy kind of girl, but it's been at least a decade since I've done it. And he's like, have you hauled anything before? I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's been a while. But yes, no problem driving. Hauling. I have no problem driving, you know, a big, huge thing behind me. But internally I knew, and I knew I was going to have to do this solo when I got home. I promise you, there's a beautiful point to this story. So hang here with me driving. It was no problem. I knew I was going to have to park this thing, and I have plenty of room on my property. That wasn't the issue. It wasn't even a tight spot. But backing this thing in, I have a little insecurity in that. And I felt really weak. And there was nobody here. And there were a few times I looped my block. I was like, okay, I'm going to try this. I'm going to try this. And then I pull up and my daughter's boyfriend's truck is parked in the spot where I would need. And they were gone for the night. So I was like, okay, so I'm going to have to park this in the driveway. And part of me was excited that I didn't have to park it and back it in, but part of me was also upset because now I was going to have witnesses when I was doing this the next day. So this was real. Like, I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but this is why the enneagram helped me through this. So anyway, I wake up this morning, my son is here. I'm like, hey, will you just kind of talk me through this? Which was my first mistake. Not because he's not great and helpful, he's an Enneagram, too amazing. But because I was already feeling vulnerable, insecure, weakness that I may not be able to do this as, as beautifully as I think I can. And also, you know, especially in my kids eyes, I like to be the all knowing person, you know. So anyway, I start to back this up. I'm having a hard time. So he goes, you, you know, and he starts trying to be helpful. And of course, Internally in my enneagram8 vibe, I'm feeling like, oh my God. He doesn't think I have this under control. He thinks I'm weak. He thinks I don't know what I'm doing. And I can feel like my anger starting to pop up. And so I decide to pull it in forward facing. I have plenty of room. I could even circle my truck in my yard. It's like not a big deal. But then I started to have a hard time getting the hitch, the trailer off the hitch. And he started to ask me questions and I started to get a little spicy, extra spicy. And I could feel when an enneagram 2 starts to feel not appreciated, they can get a little spicy as well. And I said, you know what? I appreciate you. I know you got shit to do. Go ahead, go inside. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was really glad when he left. Not because he wasn't being helpful. And I could tell I was like starting to be not so nice, you know, I wasn't being a dick, but like I was bordering on being a dick. And I didn't want to be to him. And so it was just easier if he just went away. But I know that that made him feel not appreciated for and felt like he was doing something wrong, which he absolutely wasn't. He absolutely wasn't. This is emotional intelligence, y'. All. So I had a moment. I sat down on the concrete and I'm like, what the fuck is my problem here? Why am I resisting asking for help? My friend who sold me the boat would absolutely feel wonderful if I reached out to him and asked a question. And I asked myself when I was sitting on the concrete getting angry at myself and feeling weak and all the things that an enneagram 8 hates to feel. What is holding me back from leaning in for help? You don't have to do all this by yourself. I was Very compassionate with myself. I was like, it's a. Okay, like, how you learn how to be really great and strong at things is by being messy. I teach this. I coach this all the time. But when it's yourself, it's sometimes harder to look in the mirror and pause, right? And I was going into, like, I'm just stupid. I. Why did I buy this thing? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I started, like, seeing myself sinking this damn thing once. I actually drop it in the water. And it hit me why I waited, you know, this long to go pick it up, because I felt this coming, right? So, anyway, I had this beautiful moment in the morning sun by myself. Before I did anything. I went in and said to my son. I'm like, listen, you are amazing. Thank you for your help. This is all on me. I was feeling very insecure. I was feeling very weak, like, not strong. I said, absolutely nothing to do with you. If you even picked it up as that, I apologize. And he was like, I get it, Mom. I needed to ask for help. I got it figured out because I asked for help. So I texted the guy who sold me the boat. I'm like, hey, is there a trick to this? You know, without saying, I can't fucking figure this out. Is there a trick? And he. He so beautifully said, well, when we pulled it, when you pulled your truck in, it was lower, so you're going to have to put something underneath it. I was like, ah, boom. So then I'm looking around my yard and my property for something, and I figured it out. But it was in this moment that I recognized the power of emotional intelligence and the beauty of the Enneagram that I turning something that was very small but very big to an enneagram8into. I very easily could have blown up my son's day. I very easily could have made him feel like he was the problem here, instead of me pausing for a second and leaning into the vulnerability and asking for help. And so the power of the Enneagram saved the day again. The integration of the power of the Enneagram. And so I wanted to talk about, like, emotional intelligence versus intellectual intelligence, which is iq. And here's the thing. Like, the minute I had a handle on my emotional intelligence in that moment, which I did very, very quickly, right? By leaning in, asking for help, taking ownership, personal accountability, personal responsibility, understanding the root of where this was coming from, you know, this is how sneaky this shit can be, you guys. And this is why emotional intelligence and using the tool of the Enneagram can help you move through things faster, grow. I grew so much in this moment, this morning. You have no fucking idea. Like, seriously. And the minute I got a handle on my own emotional intelligence and using the gift of the Enneagram to move through that, guess what? My intellectual intelligence went way up. I started to learn more. Instead of feeling insecure and unworthy and weak because I leaned into the vulnerability, took accountability, asked for help, I was able to tap into my iq. And you know what? I learned a lot about myself emotionally and intellectually. And like all of a sudden, I felt my confidence like, we're going to have a great time on this boat. We're going to create great memories. You know what? I'm going to drive this thing and park this thing and launch this thing in the water like a boss. But all the intellectual intelligence doesn't mean jack shit if you don't have a handle on your emotional intelligence. So what is the difference between emotional intelligence and intellectual intelligence? They're both really, really important, right? The definition of emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control the emotions of oneself and recognize that in others and or groups, right? This is why I'm a really effective leader. Because I can kind of gauge what's happening, the power of the Enneagram. I can understand what the root the motive is within somebody's fears. I know where the fear is based. This is how I was able to recognize in myself. Oh, I am fearful that I feel we and vulnerable right now. That is the biggest fear of the Enneagram. Eight for the other eight types, very, very different, right? And boom. I was able to assess this. So the abilities of having strong emotional intelligence means you're able to identify, evaluate, control, express emotions, your own emotions. Perceive and assess others emotions using emotions to facilitate thinking. Which takes me to the intellectual intelligence, understand and understanding these emotional meanings. Right? How this is effective in the workplace, honestly, teamwork, leadership, successful relations, service orientation, initiative, collaboration. This emotional intelligence, why I'm really effective also is I can identify leaders, team players, individuals who know how to work best alone, who are better at collaborating, those that work well under challenges, time constraints, things like that. The definition of intellectual intelligence or IQ is the ability to learn, understand and apply information to skills. Logic, reasoning, word comprehension, math skills, abstract, all the different kinds of informational thinking. How this is really important in the world is you have success in approaching challenging tasks. Ability to analyze and connect the dots, research and development. IQ allows you at identify highly capable and gifted individuals, Individuals with challenges or special Needs. Now, here's the thing. If you just have a strong iq, but a low eq, you actually may never produce the gifts and step into who you were designed to be. Because emotionally, you may feel like, you know, whether it's you internalize this on yourself or project this out into the world, you won't be able to step into the beauty of your iq. It may not feel fulfilling, it may feel lonely. You might like that. You may not feel the beauty of connection and collaboration, right? So eq, I would say, if you're asking me, the girl who specializes in strong emotional intelligence in the workplace, in families, in yourself, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Or which comes first, the EQ or iq? I will say EQ every time that if need to build anything, it's that strong emotional intelligence. Because the ability for me to check in with myself this morning and really assess what was making me upset, what was making me project, what was making me resist asking one fucking simple question had everything to do with the fear of my enneagram ateness and that motive behind everything that I was doing. And how does this help you? Well, you know, depending on your enneagram type, this is how you can streamline really, really quickly without blowing up your life or your relationships or your bank accounts or your health. When you can streamline and get to the root of everything that motivates you, and you get to the root of your core fear that drives everything, that puts your defenses up, that puts your walls up that you know, have you isolate or withdraw or project or get assertive and aggressive, right? I know this. I know this. And because I know this about myself, I was able to go there faster without the wreckage, right? I want to help you guys do the same thing, but you got to have the right information. The enneagram, most powerful growth tool of all time. I will continue to say this and because I've integrated it not just in every area on a holistic approach in my life, but I've helped thousands and thousands and thousands of people integrate this holistically in their life. I know this to be true. And if you are somebody that is rooted in a strong faith, this keeps me rooted in faith. This keeps me connected to God and a higher power and the universe and a divine source all the time. Because who we are is a divine gift, right? And the more that we can be in our beautiful divinely given gifts and our intuition and our nervous system, the more that we can shine in those gifts, right? So I don't even remember where I was going with that. But having the right information is key. And all the online Enneagram assessments out there, and it's really cool. I can't wait to share a future episode. I'm having dinner tonight with one of my favorite mentors and his mom. And, you know, he had never taken my assessment, but I assumed he was an Enneagram type. And it turns out he's another. He doesn't know this yet. I cannot wait to dive deep. It's a husband wife. And I thought she was what he is, and I thought she was what he is. And it turns out they're flipped. But this is why, like, how I'm going to help him tonight is going to blow his fucking mind. And now looking at it, I can see why he was mistyped. Originally, I would have pegged him for that. But I've known him for 10 years too, and looking at what he actually is on the Enneagram and I can connect the dots and I'll be able to help him. And not that he's looking for that, but it will be powerful. And the reason I'm telling you this is, you know, if you're going to use this beautiful tool, which seriously has allowed me to make millions of dollars, have abundant relationships in my life, allowed me to disconnect from cycles and patterns that are generationally been going on for hundreds of years in my family. The ability to end relationships that weren't good for me or them. The ability to be strong and healthy and vibrant and energetic at the age that I am of 51. The ability to be an amazing parent in a way that honors my children for who they are and allows them to step into who they are, not who I think they should be. Everything about that has to do with my information, knowledge, willingness and integration of this beautiful tool in every area of my life. And so if this is something that interests you, please don't take another online assessment. They're wrong 65 to 70% of the time, just like with my friend. Like, honestly. And behaviors like they, they really do hide the. The true vulnerability, the true fear. And when you have the right information, like I did this morning, you can see how troubleshooting. When life throws curveballs at you or hard things or, you know, the most painful things in your life, it doesn't have to derail you or take you out. And in fact, you can learn and grow from that on a rapid pace. What I say about the Enneagram, it is the greatest tool to accelerate transformation and growth in your life. And feeling Aligned, fulfilled, and excited about that growth, even when it's hard and painful. So first and foremost, having the right information is key. The number one way to get that is to go right now to my website, traceyomalley.com or you can click the link in the show notes, or if you're listening to this on Instagram or wherever you listen, just go find traceyomally.com, the work with me section, and boom, you can get your blueprint. What that will do is accurately type you accurately. You'll have finally the right information and you may not like it. Right, you may not. That's okay, that's where we get started. And then you will get this beautiful customized for you blueprint, 75 pages of your roadmap and everything that has to do with your enneagram type. Not just your type, but your instinct, your wings, your growth number, your stress number, how to use all those things, how to use the enneagram and integrate it in your life. Not just saying, great, I'm this cool. Put that in the shelf. No, this will be your handbook so that when you are faced with challenges or you're triggered like I was this morning, you will know so elegantly what to do with it. You will learn how to build this emotional intelligence muscle so that you can lean into your intellectual intelligence. Okay, so go get your blueprint today. Seriously, best investment. If you are somebody who's raised your hand and say, I want to be growing, I want to be growing. And then what you can do once you have that right information, you've got 333 episodes before this one to binge. What to do with it now, if you are somebody like me that once you make your mind up and you're like, Give me the VIP fast pass to this. Spend 90 minutes with me with a private power session and we will be able to talk through your life holistically. We cover a lot in 90 minutes. Trust me, it's like 10 years of intense, beautiful, mind blowing fast tracking therapy. I promise. I'm not a therapist. Didn't want to be one because too many rules. I want to be able to help you in real life and let you know that I get it. And so if you want the fast pass, you can do 90 minutes with me. Or if you are like, I want next level, I want you in my back pocket for a while so I can really accelerate at a rapid pace. Or you're in crisis and you need help. Now, I have just a few spots open for my private VIP coaching. It's A three month kind of container. A very loose three months. I will say. Anybody that's worked with me knows it usually goes a little longer than that because we don't. We don't stop. This work doesn't stop. And I want to be there to help you until I know that you can kind of of go off and do this on your own. So anyway, all those things are rooted in the tool of the Enneagram. And then what we do with it and how much we use it and how we talk about it will change depending on where you're at and what you choose. But at the very least, get the right information. Go get your blueprint today so that when life happens, you know what's happening, you know where the motive is behind, you know, you guarding your heart, your fears, your whatever it is, and you, you can move through it as fast as I did. I know it was silly, just a boat, but it brought up all sorts of insecurities for me today and the ability to not only make a very quick honoring amends to my son for being a little spicy, but also, you know, being gentle and kind with myself and leaning into the vulnerability and the support definitely was a cool moment this morning. Very, very cool. So EQ vs IQ. EQ wins every damn time. And when you are emotionally intelligent and you can elegantly lead yourself, guess what? Your ability to have capacity for intellectual intelligence goes way, way, way up. Both super important. As always, I'm super grateful for your time. I know you have many options out in the world for where you invest your time. And it is not lost on me the trust you have in me to be part of your journey. So I'm super, super grateful. I would be honored to take you further in your journey. If you feel called to do so, you can reach out to me. You can shoot me a DM on Instagram. Traceyomalley. You can send me an email from the website, whatever that looks like for you. I know that if you're listening right now, there's a reason why. And honestly, I'm super honored to be doing the work that I do with so many of you. Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty cool thing when you can meet yourself with compassion and empathy and grace and move through the hard things that life throws at you so that you can be present. That's the number one. I think the number one thing that determines success is the ability to be present at any given moment. And the more emotionally intelligent and the stronger you build this muscle, the more juice you'll be able to squeeze out of this life. And that is my wish for each and every one of you. I love you. I'm grateful for you. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation today. And we'll see you in a couple days.

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It with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.