EP343: Finding Peace in Disruption as an Enneagram 9 Entrepreneur—with Bernadette Marciniak

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey.

Hey.

Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. And today is a special one for all of you out there that feel like you play small or you dim your light or. Or you know you've got something inside of you, but that part of you is like, maybe not. Who am I to do this? Or can I really step into that? And today's guest is somebody that I absolutely put the big ass stamp of approval on. You guys know that I don't bring anybody here that I don't really like and appreciate and know that they operate in the utmost of integrity, because that's how I roll too. Like, seriously, I would never bring you anybody that wasn't that. And Bernadette Marciniak I met, she was part of a mastermind that I was doing an Enneagram kind of workshop and facilitating at a retreat. And the minute I felt her and saw her, I just knew, like, there was some spiciness in her. But she Was kind of downplaying it a little bit. And I know she won't mind me sharing this, but one of the first words out of her mouth that I heard her say was, I'm going to sit over here because I'm not really part of the cool girls club. And that one hit me because she exudes confidence. She has big fuck you energy in all the beautiful ways. Like, seriously, this is a woman who knows what she's doing. But there was something in her that made her believe, like, I need to sit out here and kind of observe rather than be all in. She is a beautiful, beautiful, well skilled photographer, videographer. Video is her, her jam for sure. And I was blessed to receive a recording of video that you had done of me at the Pitch Club event weekend. And it's honestly like, I don't have much video of me speaking. And what you did and how you captured me is one of my all time favorite kind of things. So you guys, we'll get to how she can help you. But I wanted to bring her here specifically, A, because I love her and I trust her and I love her work, but B, because she's an enneagram9. And enneagram nines in the entrepreneurial space, typically they know they're made for more. And their quest and drive and motive to have harmony really is like this conflict internally at all times. Because being an entrepreneur you kind of have to like be a little bold. You have to be polarizing a little bit. Which in theory for an enneagram9 is like, that's a hard pass. Right? Which brings me back to her thing. Like, I'm just going to sit on the outside here and not be part of the cool kids club. But I thought today, because she's had a lot of epiphanies since understanding A, that she's a nine and then what the hell to do with that. To really step into her beautiful, beautiful light in a way that creates inner harmony now because she knows she's not playing small anymore. She's not avoiding the things that really the world needs from her because she's so talented and so brilliant, but also finding that long game inner peace. And so I wanted to bring Bernadette Marciniak to you guys. Welcome, sweetheart. Hi.

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, Tracy.

Oh, my pleasure. So let's go back to that weekend. I know that you heard me at the Pitch Club weekend, the live when I spoke, because you recorded it. And then it was two months later, almost to the day that I was Immersed with you. How did you feel about that? Because you saw the spice in me back in November, but then you knew I was going to come dive deep in with you. How did you feel about that? Were you afraid of that or were you here for it or just didn't even think about it?

No, I mean, I had actually heard about you even before I recorded you. You have quite the legacy and your name floats around a lot. And as a self proclaimed self development junkie, I was totally, totally ready and excited to learn about the Enneagram and what type I was. But I do remember not being initially pleased with what you came back with in terms of my type.

Did you ever take an Enneagram assessment before? The in depth one that I gave you guys?

No, you know, I have done others and the questions to me just in general, like, I never know how to answer them because I feel like the answers could be different depending on whatever season I'm in. Like, one day I could say, yeah, I stay away from arguments and you know, avoid conflict. And then the next day I could be like, no, I want to get up all in your grill and tell you what's what.

Right.

So I. That was one that I hadn't explored yet. Just because I was like, I don't know if I'm going to even get an accurate answer.

Yeah, you know, one of the true signs that like your type is accurate is not being pleased with what pops up. You know, I remember when I first took an assessment. Assessment, it was inaccurate. It wasn't the one that I gave you guys, but it came up as a three. I'm like, well, of course I am. Heck yes, I'm an achiever. But the more I dove in, I was like, yeah, no, I'm not motivated remotely like this. And I remember when I was properly typed as an 8, I was like, oh, okay. Because it feels very exposing. Right. And so as a nine, what about it didn't please you? The adaptive peacemaker.

The adaptive peacemaker. I felt like it was kind of wimpy, to be honest with you. Like all these other types, or at least the types that I thought I might be because I. Before the, the Mastermind weekend, I did do a little bit of research into like just the general. Like one is this, type, two is this. And the nine to me just felt kind of like I said windy. Whereas all these other ones felt grand and impressive. Like the visionary. I've always considered myself a visionary. So I was like, yeah, that's absolutely me. Or the loyal skeptic. Like, I always feel like that's kind of cool. Like, you're skeptical. Like, you. You know, you have this, like, mysterious aura to you. So the Peacemaker was just kind of like, okay, yeah.

And I remember that when we were talking about it, and at first, most. Most people don't love their type. And I get where you're coming from. Like, I saw mine. I'm like, great. I'm the biggest asshole on the Enneagram. That's awesome. But how I often describe the nines, because most people that first find out they're a nine, they're not pleased because it does. It doesn't have, like, this presence that necessarily, like, you can feel like an 8. You can feel our energy when you walk in a room. And although that can feel very powerful, it also comes with some ugly parts, too. Right. But how I usually describe the nine, I don't know if I did this. I probably did. And I don't know if you heard it. The Divine spirit, whether it's God or the universe or spirits or Source, I believe is a nine on the Enneagram. Because you have this. There's a reason why you're at the top of the Enneagram diagram. It's because you have the ability to see the bigger view and the whole perspective for all of us. And it's why you are so engaging, accepting, nonjudgmental. You bring peace to all of us, right? Even though you might battle with your own internal peace, making sure we all have external peace and peace for us, but the wisdom and the beautiful heart of the Nine. None of us are great without a nine in our lives. Honestly, in my opinion, and whether it's the Divine Source or people in my life, like, one of my closest friends is a nine, for sure. And there's just a different wisdom and heart that you bring to this situation that in the work that you do specifically, you know, is important. So let's go back to the immersive weekend. And you said what you said about, like, sitting out here on the outskirts because I'm not in the cool girls club. And I remember I had this visceral response when you said it and, like, almost championing you. But I understand. I think I even said this, like, that came out really direct, like, how I kind of approach you because I could. I was like, oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to let you fucking play small here. Because I could feel you. I could feel your power. And you were about to, like, totally hide that, not just from yourself, but all of Us. When I called you out on that, how did you feel about that and kind of where did you go in your body? I mean, we both know where it went after and beyond the event. But like in that moment when you're so called out, how did that feel?

Yeah. So I mean, being called out about sitting in the back of the room felt weird in general because I growing up, I was the student who wanted the front of the room. If I'm going to like a course, I want the front of the room. It made me notice that there are definitely spaces that I'm in where that's not the case. And those would be the spaces where I feel less than when I feel like the unpopular girl. Yeah. And so it really just kind of drew a line in the sand over. Okay, here you feel comfortable, here you don't. We probably need to explore the part that you don't. Yeah. That being said, I did have a back to my chair in the room. So that was, it was for posture as well. But I was like, oh, is this just an excuse that I'm using or am I, am I actually being true?

I say this all the time. Like I can justify anything that I choose to do. So might be a little element of truth, but also like, I know you're ready obviously, because what I saw you do over that day, just internally hearing it externally, verbalizing what you were feeling, was really, really incredible to see you. No, like I do have a place in this room. You know, I think that part of you that's that self preservation 9 too. Like, especially because like 9 is motivated by having harmony and peace internally and in your environment. But take it next level as a self preservation 9 which when things are happening, you go into safety, security and comfort and putting yourself in rooms of fellow female high achieving entrepreneurs. I get like how like, like confining that can feel. And so that self preservation part of you kicked in as well.

It's interesting you just said that. I'm in a room full of high achieving females. So in my line of work, like you said, I'm a brand videographer and photographer. I work with a lot of female entrepreneurs and my goal is to work with high achieving, high level female entrepreneurs. But I never put that same label on myself when I'm in spaces with them. I feel like behind my camera is a safe place because I'm just witnessing instead of actually being part of it.

So that's the thing about the Enneagram and all these archetypes is the very thing that's your Freaking superpower, which is that peace that you bring to a situation, the calm, especially for something as vulnerable as brand videos and photography and you're seeing people's brands be birthed and you have to bring that to life. But the very thing that is your superpower, which is your nonjudgmental visionary spirit. Nines have a different kind of visionary than maybe the seven. Even though you have some seven in your chart, the very thing that is your superpower can also be and is also your kryptonite. Right, we talked a lot about that. Like they're your superpowers. As long as you're coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace, which you have no problem doing for any of your clients, your friends, your, your colleagues. But that very thing is the kryptonite in your own life when it's coming from fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt and ego. Right? And so I love. Yeah, right. So it's like check, check, check, check, check. So I know that we talked about also the tri type in that weekend. And even though you're motivated like a nine, you fear like a nine. Like you don't want conflict, you don't want to lose harmony and peace in internally and in your environment. And being in that instinctual center of intelligence like I am, we operate very well in what is happening right now. That's why we're really great in crisis and why we don't get rattled very easily when shit hits the fan. But we also don't think forward enough or connect the dots enough sometimes when we're in it. So a lot of times as a nine, you'll settle for short term peace and harmony, but create a longer term disruption internally. And then you're like, shit, what do I do with that? So in the other centers of intelligence, obviously we have a dominator. That's what's called our tri type. Even though you'll always be a 9, you'll always default to the 9. When you're in the feeling center, you operate like a 3, which is competitive achiever, which I totally see. And in the thinking center, when you're forward thinking, you operate like a seven, the enthusiastic visionary. So there you go, right? And that tri type, when you have the 937 tri type is called the Ambassador, which my close friend.

My close friend that's also a 9, and an entrepreneur and a thought leader and amazing like you, she has the same tri type as well. The Ambassador is here to pave the way and to show us what's possible and to Champion us like you do. What about the tri type kind of opened your eyes, like, yeah, I can be motivated like this, but I have these other things in me that allow me to like, pull these other tools out of the toolbox and. And really be that in your work and in your relationships.

Yeah, well, so it definitely helps me get out of my own way when. When my 9 is coming out at my worst. Like the kryptonite side of it. And like I said at the top of our interview, like, I always felt like I was a visionary. You know, I have dreams and I have tunnel vision to go after them. Like there is no other option except to succeed. Which I guess is partly the three coming in as well. I was very.

It's also your growth number as a nine too. Like, so you've got that extra reinforcement, like that's the target you're also aiming for, you know, as a nine.

Yeah. And the three to me was actually particularly kind of funny because I do consider myself very competitive, but like, that seems like an oxymoron to. To being the nine. Like, how can you be competitive but also want peace? So it just, it was the perfect summary of who I am. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's one thing to know this information, right? It's like, great. We have this beautiful kumbaya retreat weekend, diving in deep about ourselves and our fellow sisters in this mastermind, which was amazing. But then we have to go out in the world and actually integrate this and immediately, immediately. What you did with this integration, I mean, so much so that you accepted an award and a pretty big award too, and let yourself stand in that light. Like, I cried when I watched it all six something minutes of that speech because it was so beautiful to see you stand in your power and also give us all peace at the same time. Like, you can be in your power and disrupt things in a beautiful, healthy way for the greatest good of us all and also create harmony and peace for all of us. What shifted in you for you to be. I know it gave you permission, obviously, but having this roadmap and instead of trying to make sense of it in your head, your heart, your instincts, what shifted in you that when you left there with this information, you integrated it. And what's changed since then?

Yeah, so actually I received news that I was going to be getting the award that I was nominated by my peers and selected the Monday that we got back from the retreat from life. So like two days later now I have to say, yeah, it was a beautiful, like, synchronous moment. Right. There was a part of me because I knew that nominations were floating in. And this was an award that I had wanted to win for about four years, ever since I first learned about the community. And so I started asking a couple of my friends to nominate me for the award before I had left for the retreat. And then I was like, you know what? If I'm asking people to nominate me, then I'm not actually deserving of it. Like, if they don't know how to do it themselves, then I actually don't deserve this recognition. But I think it was not even. I think I know it was all the work that we did during that weekend that made me feel like I did deserve it when the news finally came in and like, I knew that there was going to have to be a. An acceptance speech. And I have never had words flow to me more easily. And I have never even been a public speaker. I never thought to myself that I could be a.

Could have fooled me. My goodness.

I know, right? And I think it was, you know, that I was armed with this new found way of looking at myself that made me be super, super okay and excited to be in the spotlight. So it was just. It was a beautiful, you know, way for things to unfold.

I think that what I love about the Enneagram so much is it gives us permission to be who we were always designed to be. And obvious. Like, we don't have to change who we are, but we are responsible for the come from, like, for it to be superpowers in everything we do, in relationships and work and in love and all the things we're responsible for. The coming from love, compassion, empathy, service and grace. And that includes for ourselves and to see you. Like, you could have fooled me that you aren't a speaker at all. Like, you should be doing a hell of a lot more of it, seriously. And I'm going to put the YouTube in the show notes because it needs to. People need to see what happens when you find out really at a soul level and understand who you are and then are unapologetic about it and leverage your superpowers. Your superpowers and mine are very, very different, but they're both important and they're both needed. And the more that we know that our powers and our gifts are needed in this world, it doesn't make you less than me or me less than you. When we're all kind of owning it and stepping into it, we give everyone permission to be themselves. It was beautiful. Like, seriously, I was crying when I was like, wow, like, talk about full circle integration right here in the work that you do. Let's talk about your work. How have you noticed understanding yourself at a deeper level has shifted? Maybe how you approach business, promoting yourself or even business in the trenches with your clients because you're in it thick with them and you're seeing all their insecurities pop up when you're doing the work that you do.

I know I mentioned this in my speech as, like, as a nine, it's interesting and intriguing that I am someone who hides behind a lens, that I, I'm not the center of attention, I'm not in the spotlight, I bring that to others, which is, you know, as a nine, there's a great side to that because like you pointed out, I have that sort of compassion and empathy for my clients. But on a personal level, I feel like it speaks volumes that I am the one who's hiding and I'm actually right now in the middle of a launch. I also teach photographers how to incorporate video into their photography businesses. And for anybody who's ever launched, it brings up like the deepest, darkest parts of your imposter monster is what I like to call it.

Yeah.

And again, being armed with this knowledge of, you know, what my motivations are and where I feel safe and whatnot, it's just very eye opening to look at this kind of like from the outside now and being like, okay, this is that kryptonite part of your nine that's coming through right now. This is the three that's coming through right now. Because you feel like you have to have all the numbers and have all the, have all the material and put out all of this content and blah, blah, blah. And then there's the other part of me that's like, no, don't hit them with too much content, don't hit them with too much information because you don't want to annoy them. And it's interesting to witness it as an outsider now.

Yeah. When you're working with a client and you like, your gift of being behind the camera isn't always necessarily hiding either. Like there's a part of it that is your gift in kind of this sacred space holding that you have with your energy and your presence that feels so safe and certain and, and non judgmental and inclusive. When you have a client, let's say, that is starting to lose their shit, even if it's not external, but you feel it because you do, or you feel the meltdown coming, how do you now handle it versus maybe how you handled it before.

You know, I feel like it's actually made me even more compassionate. Yeah. In the past I would kind of. I don't want to say that I would, you know, try to brush around it and like move forward, you know, quicker rather than not. But this actually did happen with a client recently where, like, I could tell she wasn't feeling 100% in front of the camera and she was in. And so, like, I, I was trying to work with her a little bit more. Like, okay, what would help you feel more comfortable? What don't you like about this photo right now? What can we do differently? I spend a little bit more time working with my clients to get that, to bring that comfort out. And I mean, I had always been doing that to a degree.

Sure.

Like, now I feel like that is my superpower and so I should be bringing that out forefront while I'm working with clients, especially women, because, you know, we're so incredibly critical of ourselves in every regard and especially when you have a camera in front of you.

I get it.

And so I want to make sure that my clients know that I get it.

So being a 9enneagram9 entrepreneur is always going to be a challenge because it's like this conflict all the time, which you hate.

Right.

But it's always going to be this battle. And I think like surrendering and knowing that it's not going to be. It's not easy for me as an 8 either because it's super vulnerable. Like being the personal brand, I'd much rather just duck out and hide unless I'm here to flex. Right. But like the day to day stuff, the things that like, say, hey, this is who I am and people may not like it and even though I don't care so much, like, I still don't enjoy feeling weak in any situation. So understanding as a 9 and I have a lot of 9 listeners and I have a lot of 9 entrepreneurs or want to be entrepreneurs. And it's never going to come natural to you like it does to a 3 or 7. I wish it was different. I wish I was more 7 and 3, like 2. So I feel you on this, but understanding and, and accepting and knowing that this is always going to be something that you have to watch because it won't come natural. You can justify why you're going to kind of do the duck out. How has that shifted you in taking a more bold stand into your business?

Yeah, well, I mean, that's still definitely something that I'm working on because.

I'm also in a season of transition with my brand, which is actually stepping into a higher level of bigger power. I, you know, I. I have a new business name that describes. More accurately describes what I do and the capacity in which I'm serving people. And it takes me out of the spotlight. Not necessarily takes me out of the spotlight, but recognizes that it's bigger than me. I have a support system behind me, but it's still very scary. From day to day, I find myself having to.

Remind myself, okay, think back to the retreat. Think back to that speech. Have that energy. Go in with that energy, because it is not natural. This is like a daily practice that I have to remind myself every day that this is what I'm meant for, this is what I'm destined for. But I have to take the action to get there. And, you know, I'm sure after a certain point, it will become easier. Then that'll just become a new comfort level that will keep me from whatever's going to be next down the line.

I say that all the time, whether you're a nine, an eight, a three. Like, there are muscles that each type has to build that aren't natural. And how do we build muscles? Consistency, and an unconditional commitment to building it.

Right.

And so even though it might not ever come super, like, exciting and natural to you, you're committed to putting the reps in. And, yes, it does get easier. It's never going to be your favorite thing to do. And I think for my Enneagram Nines, listening, I think what you're doing with the rebrand is actually really, really helpful as a 9, taking your name and not having it be the forefront, but making it the vision of the company also takes a little pressure off being like, as a nine, you know, because it's, like, one thing to have your name as the brand as a nine. Very, very challenging sometimes.

Yeah, right.

And. And then there's something about rebranding into the vision, because you, at the top of the Enneagram, are the ultimate visionary. Even though you are the adaptive PeaceMaker As a 9, you actually are the ultimate visionary for all of us. And so I love the rebrand specific. Some people might say you're hiding behind the brand. I think it's the opposite, especially for a nine.

Yeah. I would have to agree with you. And I can definitely say that, you know, like, this was always in the cards for me, you know, growing big and whatnot. But even years prior, I would be like, all right, I know I want to, you know, get big and do all these amazing things. Why isn't it happening? Why isn't it happening? Now the conversation has switched to what do I need to do to make it happen?

Yeah.

And I don't like, I think that switch is why I'm finally ready to step into that bigger power.

Yeah. And when you know what you're working with, like, when you understand that it's not going to be an easy thing for you, how do you make it easier rebranding it with a name that captures the vision so it's not like spotlight on only Bernadette as the person? And so let's talk about what you do, because entrepreneurs are listening to this. People who need what you have, like, they need this. And obviously I'm having you on. So I fully vet her and trust her completely with myself and with you. So you can kind of eliminate that crap right from the get go. But who is the person that needs you and needs to work with you? And where can they figure out what? Because your business name is Soul House Media.

Yeah.

Love it. So what does that entail? Sol. Like Sol. Like Sol.

I'm already getting used to the fact that I'm going to have to explain that every. Every time, but it's Soul Sol, like the sun House, spelled H, A, U, S and media. Yeah. I have a lot of languages going on in the name I like. I feel like that's reflective of the diversity of clients that I work with, you know, from every walk of life, from all different cultures and son, because I'm actually finally ready to own the fact that I am, you know, even on my deepest, darkest days. And I have been diagnosed with depression. But that's not who I am. I am a sunny person. I am a joyful person. So I wanted the name to be reflective of that. My tagline, my current tagline, actually reads that I work with entrepreneurs who empower and create impact.

Now, that leaves it open to interpretation of what kind of impact and how you're empowering. But I feel very, very aligned working with other people who are also in the service of lifting one another. You know, like, you're here and somebody else is a little further along and somebody else is a little further back, and we're all just reaching our hands out to the people behind us and reaching our hands out to the people in front of us to all lift each other up. And that's, you know, who I want to be working with.

So what are the services that they can come to you for?

So I do brand videography, which is Pretty broad, yeah. That means everything from brand videos to video clips to even event coverage for retreats. I am really loving that part of my business right now. I, I feel like my cup is full. Even though I'm, you know, it's a very intensive job, I never come back from it feeling wiped out. I always feel like my, my cup has been filled because the energy in these rooms is just so uplifting and empowering. And then I also do brand photography, so overhauls for your website and social media. And I fully believe that our businesses exist outside of four walls and a laptop. So while you would be getting that type of imagery as part of your brand suite, I want to capture the bigger picture, pun intended, the authentic you. So I often take my clients out on the street, on location, to places that feel aligned with them, that fill their cup, that resonate and align with their own clients. So that way we're putting unique stuff out there.

Nines also make some of the best producers of all time too. Like, because of the bird's eye view that you have. Honestly, I cannot wait to have you dig into my brand a little bit and do. I'm not good at this shit at all. In fact, I can't stand doing it. But I understand how important it is to tell the story through video and photography. And you guys, I'm telling you. And you know, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it. Like this is the girl that you need for that. I can't wait to have you do my retreats and capture the magic that, that I know I'm putting out into the world. And like, seriously, I can't wait to have you do that.

Oh my gosh, I, I can't wait. That's going to be such a potent and full circle. Yeah, full circle. I love it.

Yeah, I think it's really great when somebody who's been impacted by the work you do can capture it in a way that I could never articulate it. I'm the worst, like self promoter. I have a hard time telling the story and explaining what I do. But for somebody that's experienced it firsthand and had a breakthrough in it, to be able to take your frickin genius and bring it to life so others can benefit from that. That's what we're all here to do. And this is why you need somebody like Bernadette to capture the impact that you are making in this world and so that she can do it justice so that you don't have to maybe say it all the time. Let the video tell the story, let the photography tell the story. And and this is your girl to do it. Where can they find you and where can they hire you and all the things?

So you can still find me at my website, bernadettemarciniac.com you'll still be able to find me at that link after the rebrand. And also on Instagram Ernadette Marciniak. That's where I hang out the most. But you can also find me on LinkedIn. Those are probably the three best places.

We'll have all that in the show notes and you guys can always hit me up and ask me where to get that amazing enneagram9person that's going to bring your brand to life. I will hook you up. Absolutely. With my dear friend Bernadette. Thank you so much for being so open for like saying what you said at that retreat that really started the whole weekend off that was like seriously set the tone for the entire weekend. And because you said that even if it was a joke at the beginning, you seriously set the tone for vulnerability and transparency for every woman part of that mastermind or retreat. So you blaze your trail as an enneagram9. Please keep doing it. I love you.

Thank you so much, Tracy. I really appreciate it and it was great to talk to you today.

My pleasure.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy o'malley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.