EP344: Managing the crazy with the framework of your Enneagram Type

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey there.

Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram.

And today is going to be story time. Because I think that especially with something as complex but not complicated as the Enneagram, having real life understanding of it helps you integrate and use the framework, the system, and the Enneagram map a whole lot easier. And so I thought I would use for this episode a little bit of my real life story in how understanding and integrating your understanding of the Enneagram really helps you navigate conflict and grow at a rapid pace. So if you've been following along, you know that I am going through a radical change in my life, becoming a complete empty nester. Both of my children have moved out on their own. This is the first time in my life that I am living alone all the things. So it is such a exciting and also a time where there's some grief going on for all of us, right? For me, for my daughter, for my son. And although we're all Very excited about this stage in our lives. We've had a really great run. So anyway, right after my son closed on his house, he had scheduled a pretty substantial trip overseas to Ireland. And while he was in Ireland, he texts his sister and I and tells us that he's extending the trip by a week to go to Italy. Now, my son is an Enneagram too. His tri Type is the 215 tri type, also known as the mentor. So being an Enneagram too, he is super considerate of others. He finds his significance pretty much in what he does for other people. A lot of the time it's, you know, that's where he feels value and that's very amazing. And so for him to prolong a trip knowing that this is going to affect his work, it might affect other people. His sister and I were like, heck, yeah, she's an Enneagram 7, I'm an Enneagram 8. And so we're like, yeah, go Joe. Go Joe. This is awesome. All the things. So he's having a great trip. Some stuff comes up while he's gone, but the last day of his trip, his flight from Italy to Ireland gets canceled because he's flying back home from Ireland to LA before he lands here in Arizona. And he's texting me from, from the tarmac in Ireland saying our flight was canceled from Italy. They got us on another one, but there's literally a 50 minute connection and I'm not going to make it because I checked bags. His three other friends that he had been traveling with now for two weeks didn't check bags. And in order for him to make the flight, like he would have to get his stuff from baggage claim, recheck the whole thing. There was no way he was going to make it. And his friends needed to get on the flight. Like, obviously, you know, redirecting four people just would not be ideal. So that meant my son was stranded in Ireland for more than 24 hours by himself. It's the first time he's traveled overseas, anything like that. And I started to panic inside for him. He started to panic. We got on a FaceTime, redirected him. No big deal. He had 24 hours. Once he had a place to put his head at night, reserved, he knew he was good to go and he was actually looking forward to, to having some time by himself and exploring my, my homeland of Ireland and partially his too, again, like as a mom. And I was not projecting any of this onto him, but I was like a little worried, like, oh my gosh, like, is he going to be okay? He is somebody with the 215 tri type that likes things to go a certain way, doesn't like spontaneous. But I'm going to tell you something. The 2023 version of my son has been pretty remarkable. Living into his growth Number, which enneagram4. For all my beautiful Enneagram Twos and those of you that love or Lead an Enneagram 2 when they are stepping into growth, they embody the Enneagram 4, which is the individualist, right? And although I know this, this is still my kid. And for 25 years he has been pretty predictable, I will say that. But his sister and I have been encouraging more of this spontaneous part of who he is, and he's been living it and thriving in it this, this whole year so far. So we are here for it now. He texts me from there and, and I promise you there's a point here and how to use the Enneagram to navigate some crazy and to navigate your fears and grow through all of this. And so he texts me, once he gets checked in, he's going to go explore, right? And sends me this beautiful picture of him sitting in a pub with a Guinness, living his best life. He even says, I'm living my best life. He goes, I'm going to see an Elvis impersonator. I'm like, have at it. Sounds great. Doing things like just walking in places without any plan. Not typical for my son, but I'm loving it. Until I happen to be over at his new house painting, doing some stuff for him while he was gone, since he is always so helpful for all of us and I really wanted to do something nice for him. It was a Friday afternoon, it was a week ago, and I start texting him and he's not responding. Not responding. Now it's like four hours. It's now past midnight in Ireland and I'm starting to freak out. I really am. I call goes directly to voicemail, means the phone's off, shut. Who knows? My head starts to go into overdrive. My tri type, I'm an 8, but my tri type is the 8 2, 6. So obviously I feel like a 2. I think like a 6 troubleshooter, worst case scenario, thinking I call his sister, who is the 7, 4, 8 tri type. She starts to worry because this is not typical for our beautiful enneagram 2 brother and son. And of, of course, I am in my head like a six mite forward, thinking, what could happen, right? And that protective part of my 8ness is going, oh, my Gosh, like, I need to get to Ireland right now. I need to call people. Like, full throttle. Freaking out. I'm texting the boyfriend. He's like, he's living his best life. My daughter's texting her boyfriend. He's living his best life. Leave Joe alone. He's fine. Casey and I, my daughter are literally calling police. His laptop was left here. I hacked into it. He's so predictable. I could figure out his passwords. Like, that's what I'm talking about. I'm checking his bank to make sure there's no suspicious activity. About three hours this goes on. And I can't remember a time I've been this scared as a parent, honestly. And I was freaking out. And this is how the beauty of the Enneagram really put things in perspective for me. After three hours, the phone, I keep calling, I'm like, crazy ass dialing. And finally it goes through. Annie answers, and it is loud as hell. He's in the middle of Ireland at a pub. He's like, mom, I'm good. I'm good. Because by the time he turned on his phone, he could see, like, there's probably a hundred calls from mom, like, worst case scenario, right? And he can't hear me and I can't hear him, but I know he's alive. So I'm like, oh, my gosh. He's like, my phone's at 2%. Also not typical for my son. And I said, babe, just text me when you're back at your hotel. You have the best freaking time, you know? And his flight for the next day wasn't for a while so he could sleep in all the things. But I caught myself. And his sister and I, and of course, both of our boyfriends were like, see, we told you so. Casey and I were like, wow, that was pretty scary there for a while. And her and I were using our Enneagram types to kind of navigate this on the other side. But this is how, like, when I heard him, the old me without self awareness, critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence would have unloaded on him. But I was able to recognize what was happening for me. And I did not want to project any of that onto my son. And his sister and I were getting a really good laugh. We're like, oh, my gosh, this is so beautiful for him. And the funny part of the story is, is when Joe walked into his hotel room the minute. And it was like 3:30 in the morning, when he strolls into his hotel, the guy at the desk says to Joe, yo, In a beautiful Irish brogue. Call your fucking family is what he said. So the point of the story is this, like, how do you navigate things using your Enneagram type? And I know that was kind of a long story, but like, literally, I am so grateful for the Enneagram in understanding who my son is, understanding my daughter and where she was going, and also understanding my son. So I want to talk about the tri type for a second. And this is next level Enneagram. And this is something we dive into when you do workshops with me. And I'm very excited to be announcing that I'm going to have an opportunity for you to do a workshop. It's like a virtual retreat, basically. If you're not part of a full blown in person retreat or you're not part of a team or organization, that brings me in to do a retreat. Because the best way to understand not just yourself, but other people, especially people that might be in your life, is in a group setting. And we had a little group powwow going on right now. So like I said, my son, as a social enneagram2, has his tri type as the 21 5. Our tri type is where we go in all three centers of intelligence. Where your core type is. Does not change, right? Does not change. He's always going to be motivated like a two. He's going to always fear like a two. By default, he goes into what has happened into the feeling center. They kind of operate in past thinking. That's where they go to first. But obviously in critical thinking, we think in the present time. And also we operate in futuristic kind of thinking, feeling instincts and things like that. And so when you default into your core type, if you're in the feeling center, what has happened in fear in the instinctual center, the eights, nines and ones, what is happening if you're in the thinking center, the five, six and sevens, what could happen? Right? And so that can work really well for you. Right. And it can also work against you. So this is why we really do need to use the other centers of intelligence. Sometimes we can use the other centers of intelligence, like throwing all the shit up at the wall, hoping something sticks. But when we understand where we go in each of these centers, this can really allow you to navigate this. Did I use all of these so well when I was dealing with my own panic? Not so much, but I was able to catch it really quickly and understand what was happening. So for my son, operates like a two, motivated like a two, fears like a two. He got over Feeling bad that I had helped him, he was like, mom, I'm so sorry, la la la. I'm like, no, go live your best life. So he moved boom into his growth number, the four really quickly. What was happening. Right now he is an enneagram one in the instinctual center. Again, he's not motivated or fears like that. But when he is dealing with present time, it's very one like right? Rigid, meticulous, But a one in growth looks like a seven. So he's like, woo hoo. We're having a good old time where he goes into what could happen. He operates like a five, so I need more information. Once he had information, a 5 in growth operates like an 8. So he's like fearless, fun and individualist. So if you look at the tri Type of the two 1, 5, when all three of those types are in growth, they can look like a 4, 7, 8. And he was just having his best time. Now I knew all this once this was over myself when I was operating into not so much of my health, I was operating very much like an unhealthy six. And all of what could happen, right? Even though I'm motivated like an eight, I fear like an eight. You know, as an eight, I am always championing others. I'm very protective of others. I was absolutely in that moment. I was starting to get angry when I was calling people and nobody could give me answers of like there was like, you know, it was also three in the morning on Ireland time on a Friday night. So you can imagine everybody's partaking in the festivities. But when I was going into the futuristic thinking in my thinking center like a six in the what could happen. That six came in hot like holy crap, holy crap. And it was nuts. My daughter, she was so cute, you know, she's a seven and she was freaking out, but she was trying to not talk to me about it. She was talking to her boyfriend. And when it was all said and done, she said, oh my God, I was losing my shit. And Jake was listening to me and she goes, and I didn't want to make you more worried than you already were. And it was a really cool thing when it was all said and done to understand kind of how it went, how I didn't make him feel terrible for all of our worry. He had no responsibility and he was doing everything he should have in that moment. And the last thing I wanted to do was make a two feel like he hurt or inconvenienced or did something wrong. So I was super grateful for the Enneagram, because he never knew how crazy it got. And he would never apologize for it, which is so beautiful. When a two steps into that growth of like only worrying about themselves for a change. That's very rare for a 2. And when they do that, you want to celebrate that. Holy smokes. But it was cool. It was very cool. And this is what I want to offer to you. We are way more than just our core Enneagram type. Yes, it's where we go to by default fault when we bypass our intuition and our nervous system. The other beautiful part about this too is because of my integration and understanding and awareness of my soul roadmap and my tri type and all the things, even though I was scared out of my fucking mind, I was able to regulate my nervous system pretty, pretty quickly. Within an hour, I would say, I was fully regulated again. And that seriously, is really, really important for our health and our growth and all the things that. But one of the things that I really want to offer you about the Enneagram is really understanding that when we are at our best, you know, and in flow, most of the time, like ideally, if we were in our nervous system and honoring a regulated nervous system and in our intuition, most of the time, that's ideal. But because we're humans living a human experience, we have. We have had things taught, told and modeled for us. We have been through traumas. We have had all sorts of things that have us not making sense of any of that or thinking. We in our personality and our own motives, know better. And when we default into our main personality type, and even when we're in our intuition and in a regulated nervous system, our core personality really adds some flavor to that. But most of us, when we default out of that, we go into the not so great parts of our personality, right? And then the. The hyper vigilance of our fears and our motives start to come out. But when you understand what that is, it makes this whole thing a hell of a lot easier. When you're scared, when you're in conflict, when you're feeling insignificant, when there's uncertainty, when you feel like you're being controlled, it doesn't have to get out of hand. It doesn't have to get out of hand. And I'm so grateful for the gift of the Enneagram, I really, really am. And I've done a lot of groups and individual and couples sessions lately. And what I love when. When I'm. When I get somebody who feels like they are stuck or in shame or sick of like the same shit over and over and over again. You know, the beauty is, is there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing to be fixed. You're not broken. You just need another level of awareness. You just maybe need a guidance into your soul. Roadmap. The Framework, the system of the Enneagram to really help you get back to who you are, who you are at your core, who you are always designed to be, and all the gifts and superpowers that come with that. And having awareness of where things go sideways for you without the emotional charge, without pulling out the shame stick and beating yourself up. This is when you can live the full blown human experience, even when it's getting crazy and you feel like, oh my gosh, this is going to be a Dateline episode. I literally thought, great. I have been manifesting that, you know, I'm obsessed with like crime and Dateline. I'm convinced that when I die, it's going to end up a Dateline episode of some sort. That I was just manifesting my own son's experience to be on Dateline. And the ability to calm the crazy and get rational and get regulated in my body and in my intuition pretty quickly after all the dust settles is a true damn gift. And the Enneagram can provide that for you. So where do you start? You got to be typed accurately. All those online assessments are inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. And you can, you can see where if you're using a map, a roadmap. If you have the wrong information in the wrong coordinates, you're going to be going in the wrong direction. So the Enneagram works very similarly. So you got to have the right information. It's why I've brought you the Enneagram blueprint. It is over 95% accurate. And in the thousands I've done, I've only had three turn up wrong. So you want to go get this accurate information. You can go to the Show Notes, you can go on Instagram, traceymell. The link is in my bio. You can go to my website directly@tracy o'malley.com and get your blueprint. This will give you the right information and it will serve you so well. You'll also get your own customized 75 page blueprint that breaks down not just your core type. It'll give you information on the Framework as well as your instinctual response to life. That is the subtype very, very cool. That can change. That's the number one reason why most of you are mistyped, is how you respond. And when things are happening, that can change how every type looks. So it's a. It's a lot of the reason why when you take an online assessment, they're inaccurate because it doesn't take that into consideration. Mine does though. So you get your own customized little blueprint, you get the accurate information, and then you can come back to the podcast and really start taking the correct information and applying it. Or even better, if, you know, you want to spend a little time with me, the guide, you can do a one on one session with me and you get the blueprint. When you do that. You can do this with a partner, a friend, a business partner, a lover, doesn't matter. We can do, you know, couple sessions of any sort, any kind of couple to help you understand each other. And like I said, I'm very excited. In the next few weeks, I will be launching group workshops for the individual so you can learn about all the different types in a real human form in real time, right in front of you. I've done multiple retreats in person with teams and organizations and this is my favorite way for people to learn. I'm just coming off a retreat, a three day retreat with a group a few days ago. And even though they all learned so much about themselves, the real aha has come in learning about the other types as well. And maybe where they get tripped up with other people, the testimonies are coming in so beautiful about how much they've learned not just about themselves, but about other people also. When you do a session with me or a workshop with me, we dive into the tri types. Deep, deep, deep into the tri types, the three centers of intelligence. Because that is like the holy grail of emotional intelligence and critical thinking using the framework of the Enneagram. All of that information, like I said, is at my website, trace traceyomally.com the work with me section. You can find me on Instagram. Tracyomalley I'm happy to report my son made it home just fine. He is kicking into the unhealthy parts of his Enneagram type right now because he felt selfish, I think, for taking so much time. And now he's trying to play catch up. And so the beauty of him understanding the Enneagram and me having the guidance for him is he's not staying stuck for very long. And when we understand people and ourselves, we understand everything. It is an honor and such a joy to be guiding you in the Enneagram journey and how to lead yourself using the tool of the Enneagram. You know, like I said, it's the number one tool in all 51 years of my life that I have ever used. It keeps me rooted in faith. It keeps me rooted in my feminine and masculine energy harmony. It keeps me in a regulated nervous system. And I'm telling you, I squeeze every juicy part out of life. When you understand yourself, you'll understand everything. And you know, I would love to be and continue to be that guide for you. If you love this episode or you know somebody needs to hear it, you can share this. Like I said, I'm on Instagram. Tracyomalley it would mean the world to me if you had the time and you felt called to to leave a review on any of the platforms, the ones that you listen to. This is how we get more exposure and more people learn about the Enneagram in the in the most beautiful integrated way. Which is what I'm here to do is to help set people like you free from their own crap and learning how to leverage all the superpowers and the things that trip you up to step into the greatest version of yourself and to have everything that you desire and everything you deserve in your life. I'll see you guys in a few days. I appreciate you. Talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life, Sam.